[FIC] Left Behind for usarechan
Gift type: Fanfic
Title: Left Behind
Author: kijikun
Recipient: usarechan
Rating: R
Word Count: 2946
Warnings: egg!fic, mild angst
Spoilers: Season 5
Summary: Cas leaves Dean behind with something important.
The first snow has just fallen around Bobby’s place. Dean stands in the kitchen looking out the window at the still falling flakes, his hands wrapped around a mug of coffee. Dean’s glad he’s already winterized the Impala, though he’d be grateful for something to do with his hands.
Bobby’s researching purgatory with Sam, but Dean was going crazy reading over the books. Normally he likes reading. Hell, he likes research more than he lets on.
But...
Last year.
Last year when the first snow fell, Ben got out of school early. He and Dean built snow men in the front yard. They had a snow ball fight.
Dean’s hand tightens around the mug. He misses Ben.
The sound of wings jerks him out of his thoughts.
Cas is standing in the middle of the kitchen looking a hell of a lot worse for wear. “Dean,” Cas says and stumbles, stumbles, forward.
Dean lurches forward, intent on catching Cas if he falls. It takes a second for Dean’s brain to fill in the fact that Cas isn’t wearing his trench coat. Instead he’s holding it balled up to his chest.
“Cas, the hell happened to you?” Dean asks, catching Cas by his arms.
Cas sags in his grip, but still clutches the trench coat tightly to his chest. “They found out,” he rasps.
Dean tightens his hands as Cas sways. “Found out? Found out about what?” What have you done now, Cas?
“That I -- that we --” Cas closes his eyes for a moment then pushes the bundle to Dean. “I must go.”
“What? No, Cas, you’re going to stay and tell me what the hell you just meant!” Dean demands. He takes the bundles almost on reflex; because on as basic level he trusts Cas implicitly.
Cas shakes his head and takes an unsteady step back from Cas. “I’ll return. I swear it,” Cas promises. “Dean, I --”
Then he’s gone.
Dean stares at where Cas just was and swears under his breath. Damn angels.
The bundle he holds is warm. “Okay, Cas, what did you leave me dealing with now?” Dean asks out loud as he unwraps the trench coat.
Sam comes in just as he’s finished unwrapping it. “Did I hear Cas?” Sam asks then trails off staring at what Dean holds. “Is that a -- “
“Egg?” Dean asks. “Sure looks like it.” His hands are shaking. He’s holding a large baby-sized egg that Cas left in his care.
Sam opens and closes his mouth a few times. “Did -- “
“Cas left it,” Dean fills in. “He said they found out and left me his egg.”
The egg is warm in his hand and glows softly where his fingertips touch the surface. He knows, somehow, without a doubt that this is Cas egg.
And Cas left it here. With Dean.
Oh crap.
“Oh crap.”
Sam laughs at him. The asshole.
Okay he doesn’t laugh at Dean, it’s more a shaky nervous laugh. Dean has other things on his mind. Like the egg.
Cas’ egg.
“Cas left me his egg,” Dean says in a panicked voiced. “Why would he do that?”
Sam holds up a hand. “How do you know it’s Cas’, I mean, it could be a spell component.”
“It was wrapped in Cas’ coat,” Dean protest. Jimmy’s coat really, but Dean can’t separate it from Cas. “He said they found out and he looked like he’d been in a fight.”
“And you let him go?” Sam half-asks, half-demands.
“Oh, because I can make Cas do shit all!” Dean snaps angrily. The egg in his arms flares brightly and somehow Dean’s knows it’s distressed. “Shhh, hey now it’s okay.”
He should feel like a fool soothing an egg, but he knows it’s Cas. And --
Sam’s staring at him. “Dean,” Sam starts then stops. “Dean, is there something you need to tell me?”
Dean half wraps the egg back up in Cas’ trench coat. He needs to keep it warm, right? “Nothing to tell,” he says stubbornly.
He and Cas don’t talk about it. Why the hell is he going to tell Sam? And it was...a long time ago.
“Dean,” Sam says, in that way that says he doesn’t believe Dean.
Dean shakes his head and moves towards the door with his bundle. “We need to build a nest or something for it. Eggs need to be kept warm, right?”
Sam’s face twists into something that’s half pity, half concern. “Normally the mother sits on them.”
“I’m not sitting on it,” Dean grumbles. “I’m taking it to the bedroom. Find all the towels and blankets you can.”
Bobby comes up behind Sam. “What do you need towels and blankets for --- “ he stops and sighs when he sees the egg. “Dean, you idjit, what'd you do?”
“It’s Cas’,” Dean says, because shouldn’t that be enough?
Bobby sets his jaw and nods. “Figured out that much. Okay, you boys start making a nest for it, I’ll see what I can find out. Enoch wasn’t very helpful with the mechanics of all this.”
Dean wants to tell them he knows how to do this, but he’s not sure how he knows. It’s not instinct or anything. It’s just --
He knows how to take care of Cas’ egg.
***
The nest gets made in the center of the spare upstairs bedroom. Dean used sleeping bags to line the floor and with Sam’s help piled blankets and towels into soft walls.
Dean sleeps with the egg. Lays down on one of the sleeping bags and curls about it, stroking his fingers across the surface.
Days pass and there’s no sign of Cas.
Dean tries praying but no one comes. Not Cas, not one of his angel pals.
He hauls books upstairs and spends most of his time with the egg. He reads out loud to it from some of his favorite books. He picks select passages from Samuel Colts journal as well. When Sam brings him a heavy volume of Sherlock Holmes, Dean even starts into that.
He thinks the egg likes it.
Dean hears Bobby and Sam talking about him in low voices. He knows they're worried but he can’t explain this without --
Without telling them the full of it. And he can’t. It’s too raw. It’s too much that should have been gone and buried. A year with Lisa and Ben.
This should be squashed. This feeling.
And how does he explain that he knows that no matter what they think, the egg isn’t part Dean’s.
Cas died.
Maybe that Rachel that betrayed Cas. Maybe Balthazar.
Still Dean curls around the egg at night, reads to it during the day. Takes it downstairs by the fire.
Sometimes he lets Sam and Bobby hold her.
Two weeks after Cas left the egg Dean starts thinking of the egg as a her. It’s about the time they get snowed in.
Dean wanders downstairs, the egg wrapped in a sweater, to find Sam working on a Christmas tree. He blinks. “Why is there a Christmas tree?”
Sam rolls his shoulders. “I just thought, I mean it’s almost Christmas...”
“Oh, yeah, right,” Dean says. He hasn’t really been paying attention to the date.
Sam turns, hand still on a ornament. “Dean, are you -- I mean you’ve been acting weird, man.”
Dean sits down on the couch and strokes his fingers over the egg. “Someone’s got to take care of her.”
Sam lets out a noisy breath. “But why you?”
“Cas gave her to me, Sam. He hasn’t asked for much, least I can do,” Dean points out. “I’m not getting over-attached. When Cas comes back, she’ll go back with him.”
It might kill him, but that’s what’ll happen.
Sam presses his lips together. “Have you tried Balthazar?”
Dean sets his jaw. “We aren’t calling him.”
“Dean, “ Sam stops, sighs and rubs his hand over his face. “This isn’t the time to be jealous.”
“I’m not jealous!” Dean snaps loudly. The egg flares.
Dean rocks her gently.
Sam just looks at him.
“Fine.” Dean snips. “Balthazar who art dicking around someplace, get your feathery ass over here.”
Amazingly there’s the sound of wings. “You rang?” Balthazar asks folding his arms. “And lets not make a habit of this -- “
The words die in Balthazar throat. “You have the egg.” He takes a step towards Dean.
Dean clutches her closer, hand going for the gun under the cushion. Sam steps between them.
“I’m not going to take her from you, you bloody idiot,” Balthazar sighs. “More over-protective than Cas, I swear.”
Dean glares at Balthazar. “Where is Cas?”
“Busy,” Balthazar points out. “Or he’d be here. Do you think we just up and leave our eggs with humans all the time?”
“What’s more important than this?” Dean demands.
“Oh, I don’t know? The fate of heaven. The fate of the world? Not being offed by our dear brother Raphael?” Balthazar smiles. “To name a few.”
Dean really wants to wipe that smile off Balthazar’s face, but Sam holds up his hands. “Okay, yeah, Cas’ got a lot on his plate. We get that,” Sam says. “Can you at least tell us if the egg’s okay?”
Dean feels like an idiot for not asking or thinking to ask that. But truthfully he doesn’t want Balthazar near his egg.
Balthazar doesn’t move. “That might not be wise. This close to hatching? Your brother there might tear my head off if I get close. Well, try to at any rate.”
Sam sighs and turns to Dean. He walks over and holds his hands out for the egg. “I promise I’ll give her right back. Balthazar’s just going to check on her.”
Dean fights the urge to growl at Sam, to jerk away. To do something violent. This is Sam. Sam’s not going to hurt her. “Just be careful with her.”
“I will be,” Sam promises.
Sam carries the egg over to Balthazar. “He just doesn’t like you.”
Balthazar laughs and Dean grits his teeth. “The feeling is mutually, Sammy,” he says then rubs his hands together. “Let’s take a look now shall we?”
He glides his finger tips over the egg and Dean forces himself to stay seated.
Balthazar makes a little humming noise, then drops his hands. “She’s in perfect health. I’d say she’ll hatch in the next week.”
Sam laughs. “Might be a Christmas baby, huh?”
“Cas would have to have a Christmas hatchling. Always liked that holiday of yours,” Balthazar says. “He used to sneak the edge of Heaven so he could look down at the celebrations.”
Dean almost smiles at that, trying to imagine Cas watching Christmas lights go up. He wishes they’d done Christmas the year before last. If just so he could have seen Cas’ face light up.
“Thanks Balthazar,” Sam says. “We appreciate it.”
“Did it for Cas, not you two monkeys,” Balthazar points out, but it doesn’t have much sting to it. “I’ll come around check on them. Make sure he eats. He’ll start getting a bit one trackish.”
Dean ignores them, his fingers itching to have the egg back. Fuck, he wants Cas here. This would all make so much more sense with Cas there.
When Sam returns the egg to Dean’s arms, Dean hurries back upstairs. Ignoring that Balthazar and Sam are still talking. Ignoring that Balthazar might be flirting with his baby brother.
***
Three days later Dean lays curled around the egg.
He feels drained.
Moving is too much work, expect to stroke his hand over the warm surface of his egg. “Hey sweetheart,” he whispers. “We’ll get through this. I promise.”
He’s not hungry but he knows he should be.
He closes his eyes for a moment and when he opens them again Sam is there. His brother is kneeling beside him holding a bowl of soup. “Dean, Dean,” Sam’s saying.
“What?” Dean answers groggily.
Sam presses his free hand to Dean’s forehead. “You’re burning up.”
Dean nods a little. “Need to keep her warm.”
Sam’s brow wrinkles and he looks deeply concerned. “Dean, at least eat something.”
He’s not hungry but he doesn’t want to upset Sammy. So he pushes himself up and takes the bowl with slightly shaking hands. “I’m just tired,” Dean tells Sam. “Don’t worry so much. My job to worry about you.”
Sam reaches out and steadies Dean’s hand as he eats some of the soup. “Goes both ways.”
Dean gives him a smile. “Soup’s good.” It tastes like nothing on his tongue. But he does need his strength.
Sam sits there until Dean finishing the soup, then takes the bowl. “I’ll be right back,” Sam tells him.
Dean nods then lays back down. Just for second. Just for a moment.
“He just sleeps all the time, he’s burning up,” he hears Sam say. “And he won’t leave the nest.”
He opens his eyes bare slits and sees Sam’s feet along with a second pair. “I told you this might happen, Sam.” It’s Balthazar’s voice, but he sounds almost gentle. Concerned.
“I know, but -- can you help him at all. I’m afraid if it goes on like this he won’t last,” Sam sounds strained and Dean wants to tell him its fine, he’s fine, but it’s a lie.
There’s the sound of a hand against cloth. “Sam, I’ll do what I can, but it’s only a stop gap. Cassy needs to be here. If the she hatches without him here...”
A strained laugh. “Not helping me feel better here, Bal.”
Bal?
“Sam, I don’t know where Castiel is. I’d have dragged him here if I knew. He’s not answering my calls either,” Balthazar sounds like he’s sorry. Like he really means the lines he’s feeding Sam.
Sam breathes out loud and noisy. “Just do what you can. Please.”
“I’ll do what I can for him,” Balthazar says. Seconds later there are cool fingers against his forehead.
It’s like a weight is lifted off his chest. He feels -- more grounded. He curls his hand around his egg and falls into a more restful sleep.
***
It’s the middle of night when Dean suddenly wakes. His egg is safe tucked against him. For a moment he doesn’t know what’s woken him.
Then he hears wings. His first thought is to go for the angel blade he’s hidden among the nest clothes. His hand closes around it, but he knows he’s too weak to fight off whatever angel this is. He’s gotta hope Balthazar and Sam are close.
A figure stumbles into the moonlight.
Cas.
“Cas!” Dean gasps.
“The egg,” Cas says, he stumbles closer and collapses to his knees next to the nest.
Dean grabs at Cas’ hand desperate to be touching him. All the exhaustion feels like it’s melting away. “She’s fine. I’ve taken care of her.”
Cas’ fingers tighten around Dean. “I know,” Cas says, leaning forward to rest his forehead against Dean’s. “You’ve taken such good care of our egg.”
“Ours,” Dean repeats shakily. His free hand touches the egg. “She’s mine?”
Cas draws back looking shocked. “Dean, why would I have? Oh, Dean,” and then Cas is kissing him.
It’s better than that night almost two years ago. It’s like coming home, like finding part of himself.
“I should never have been gone so long,” Cas says when they draw apart. “I -- the things I’ve done, Dean.” Cas’ voice shakes.
Dean pulls Cas into the nest, mindful of the egg that glows a warm amber. “We’ll fix it. Whatever you’ve done, we’ll fix it.”
Cas shudders and rests his forehead against Dean’s again. His hands stroke over the egg. “She’s going to hatch soon.”
“Balthazar said you’d want a Christmas baby,” Dean says putting his hands over Cas’ on the egg.
“Dean, it is Christmas,” Cas says softly.
The egg trembles under their joined hands.
“You mean, she’s hatching now?” Dean asks, feeling out of breath.
Cas nods eyes focused on the egg and their hands.
“What do we do?” The egg under their hands spills off light and heat. Then the first fracture appears across the top.
“We help her, you know what to do, Dean. Just as you’ve known what to do all this time,” Cas assures him, leaning forward and kissing Dean’s lips, chaste and gentle.
More fracture lines appear across the egg, then true breaks. Then bits of the shell start falling away. Dean helps it along with Cas. They pull away the pieces of shell.
Before long they’re left with a perfect baby girl lying in the remains of the egg. She blinks open wide green eyes and lets out a wail.
Dean starts to laugh as he gathers her up in Cas’ trench coat. Wiping away the after birth. Cas is stroking her hair, running his fingers down her spine.
“She’s perfect,” Cas breathes. “Even her wings.”
Dean doesn’t see wings but he’s happy to hear that.
The baby wails again. “Yeah, I know, sweetheart,” Dean tells her, kissing her forehead.
Cas curls an arm around Dean. “I’m never leaving you again,” he swears.
Dean nods tiredly. “You’d better not. I’m not cut out to be a single parent.”
Soon Sam, Bobby, and Balthazar will be there. Bobby will get to hold his first grandchild -- Dean’s sure Sam will give him more -- Sam will coo over his baby niece. Balthazar will be Balthazar.
But for now it’s just them and Dean’s happy.
He’s happy.
And he can’t wait to play with her in the snow when she’s bigger.
Title: Left Behind
Author: kijikun
Recipient: usarechan
Rating: R
Word Count: 2946
Warnings: egg!fic, mild angst
Spoilers: Season 5
Summary: Cas leaves Dean behind with something important.
The first snow has just fallen around Bobby’s place. Dean stands in the kitchen looking out the window at the still falling flakes, his hands wrapped around a mug of coffee. Dean’s glad he’s already winterized the Impala, though he’d be grateful for something to do with his hands.
Bobby’s researching purgatory with Sam, but Dean was going crazy reading over the books. Normally he likes reading. Hell, he likes research more than he lets on.
But...
Last year.
Last year when the first snow fell, Ben got out of school early. He and Dean built snow men in the front yard. They had a snow ball fight.
Dean’s hand tightens around the mug. He misses Ben.
The sound of wings jerks him out of his thoughts.
Cas is standing in the middle of the kitchen looking a hell of a lot worse for wear. “Dean,” Cas says and stumbles, stumbles, forward.
Dean lurches forward, intent on catching Cas if he falls. It takes a second for Dean’s brain to fill in the fact that Cas isn’t wearing his trench coat. Instead he’s holding it balled up to his chest.
“Cas, the hell happened to you?” Dean asks, catching Cas by his arms.
Cas sags in his grip, but still clutches the trench coat tightly to his chest. “They found out,” he rasps.
Dean tightens his hands as Cas sways. “Found out? Found out about what?” What have you done now, Cas?
“That I -- that we --” Cas closes his eyes for a moment then pushes the bundle to Dean. “I must go.”
“What? No, Cas, you’re going to stay and tell me what the hell you just meant!” Dean demands. He takes the bundles almost on reflex; because on as basic level he trusts Cas implicitly.
Cas shakes his head and takes an unsteady step back from Cas. “I’ll return. I swear it,” Cas promises. “Dean, I --”
Then he’s gone.
Dean stares at where Cas just was and swears under his breath. Damn angels.
The bundle he holds is warm. “Okay, Cas, what did you leave me dealing with now?” Dean asks out loud as he unwraps the trench coat.
Sam comes in just as he’s finished unwrapping it. “Did I hear Cas?” Sam asks then trails off staring at what Dean holds. “Is that a -- “
“Egg?” Dean asks. “Sure looks like it.” His hands are shaking. He’s holding a large baby-sized egg that Cas left in his care.
Sam opens and closes his mouth a few times. “Did -- “
“Cas left it,” Dean fills in. “He said they found out and left me his egg.”
The egg is warm in his hand and glows softly where his fingertips touch the surface. He knows, somehow, without a doubt that this is Cas egg.
And Cas left it here. With Dean.
Oh crap.
“Oh crap.”
Sam laughs at him. The asshole.
Okay he doesn’t laugh at Dean, it’s more a shaky nervous laugh. Dean has other things on his mind. Like the egg.
Cas’ egg.
“Cas left me his egg,” Dean says in a panicked voiced. “Why would he do that?”
Sam holds up a hand. “How do you know it’s Cas’, I mean, it could be a spell component.”
“It was wrapped in Cas’ coat,” Dean protest. Jimmy’s coat really, but Dean can’t separate it from Cas. “He said they found out and he looked like he’d been in a fight.”
“And you let him go?” Sam half-asks, half-demands.
“Oh, because I can make Cas do shit all!” Dean snaps angrily. The egg in his arms flares brightly and somehow Dean’s knows it’s distressed. “Shhh, hey now it’s okay.”
He should feel like a fool soothing an egg, but he knows it’s Cas. And --
Sam’s staring at him. “Dean,” Sam starts then stops. “Dean, is there something you need to tell me?”
Dean half wraps the egg back up in Cas’ trench coat. He needs to keep it warm, right? “Nothing to tell,” he says stubbornly.
He and Cas don’t talk about it. Why the hell is he going to tell Sam? And it was...a long time ago.
“Dean,” Sam says, in that way that says he doesn’t believe Dean.
Dean shakes his head and moves towards the door with his bundle. “We need to build a nest or something for it. Eggs need to be kept warm, right?”
Sam’s face twists into something that’s half pity, half concern. “Normally the mother sits on them.”
“I’m not sitting on it,” Dean grumbles. “I’m taking it to the bedroom. Find all the towels and blankets you can.”
Bobby comes up behind Sam. “What do you need towels and blankets for --- “ he stops and sighs when he sees the egg. “Dean, you idjit, what'd you do?”
“It’s Cas’,” Dean says, because shouldn’t that be enough?
Bobby sets his jaw and nods. “Figured out that much. Okay, you boys start making a nest for it, I’ll see what I can find out. Enoch wasn’t very helpful with the mechanics of all this.”
Dean wants to tell them he knows how to do this, but he’s not sure how he knows. It’s not instinct or anything. It’s just --
He knows how to take care of Cas’ egg.
***
The nest gets made in the center of the spare upstairs bedroom. Dean used sleeping bags to line the floor and with Sam’s help piled blankets and towels into soft walls.
Dean sleeps with the egg. Lays down on one of the sleeping bags and curls about it, stroking his fingers across the surface.
Days pass and there’s no sign of Cas.
Dean tries praying but no one comes. Not Cas, not one of his angel pals.
He hauls books upstairs and spends most of his time with the egg. He reads out loud to it from some of his favorite books. He picks select passages from Samuel Colts journal as well. When Sam brings him a heavy volume of Sherlock Holmes, Dean even starts into that.
He thinks the egg likes it.
Dean hears Bobby and Sam talking about him in low voices. He knows they're worried but he can’t explain this without --
Without telling them the full of it. And he can’t. It’s too raw. It’s too much that should have been gone and buried. A year with Lisa and Ben.
This should be squashed. This feeling.
And how does he explain that he knows that no matter what they think, the egg isn’t part Dean’s.
Cas died.
Maybe that Rachel that betrayed Cas. Maybe Balthazar.
Still Dean curls around the egg at night, reads to it during the day. Takes it downstairs by the fire.
Sometimes he lets Sam and Bobby hold her.
Two weeks after Cas left the egg Dean starts thinking of the egg as a her. It’s about the time they get snowed in.
Dean wanders downstairs, the egg wrapped in a sweater, to find Sam working on a Christmas tree. He blinks. “Why is there a Christmas tree?”
Sam rolls his shoulders. “I just thought, I mean it’s almost Christmas...”
“Oh, yeah, right,” Dean says. He hasn’t really been paying attention to the date.
Sam turns, hand still on a ornament. “Dean, are you -- I mean you’ve been acting weird, man.”
Dean sits down on the couch and strokes his fingers over the egg. “Someone’s got to take care of her.”
Sam lets out a noisy breath. “But why you?”
“Cas gave her to me, Sam. He hasn’t asked for much, least I can do,” Dean points out. “I’m not getting over-attached. When Cas comes back, she’ll go back with him.”
It might kill him, but that’s what’ll happen.
Sam presses his lips together. “Have you tried Balthazar?”
Dean sets his jaw. “We aren’t calling him.”
“Dean, “ Sam stops, sighs and rubs his hand over his face. “This isn’t the time to be jealous.”
“I’m not jealous!” Dean snaps loudly. The egg flares.
Dean rocks her gently.
Sam just looks at him.
“Fine.” Dean snips. “Balthazar who art dicking around someplace, get your feathery ass over here.”
Amazingly there’s the sound of wings. “You rang?” Balthazar asks folding his arms. “And lets not make a habit of this -- “
The words die in Balthazar throat. “You have the egg.” He takes a step towards Dean.
Dean clutches her closer, hand going for the gun under the cushion. Sam steps between them.
“I’m not going to take her from you, you bloody idiot,” Balthazar sighs. “More over-protective than Cas, I swear.”
Dean glares at Balthazar. “Where is Cas?”
“Busy,” Balthazar points out. “Or he’d be here. Do you think we just up and leave our eggs with humans all the time?”
“What’s more important than this?” Dean demands.
“Oh, I don’t know? The fate of heaven. The fate of the world? Not being offed by our dear brother Raphael?” Balthazar smiles. “To name a few.”
Dean really wants to wipe that smile off Balthazar’s face, but Sam holds up his hands. “Okay, yeah, Cas’ got a lot on his plate. We get that,” Sam says. “Can you at least tell us if the egg’s okay?”
Dean feels like an idiot for not asking or thinking to ask that. But truthfully he doesn’t want Balthazar near his egg.
Balthazar doesn’t move. “That might not be wise. This close to hatching? Your brother there might tear my head off if I get close. Well, try to at any rate.”
Sam sighs and turns to Dean. He walks over and holds his hands out for the egg. “I promise I’ll give her right back. Balthazar’s just going to check on her.”
Dean fights the urge to growl at Sam, to jerk away. To do something violent. This is Sam. Sam’s not going to hurt her. “Just be careful with her.”
“I will be,” Sam promises.
Sam carries the egg over to Balthazar. “He just doesn’t like you.”
Balthazar laughs and Dean grits his teeth. “The feeling is mutually, Sammy,” he says then rubs his hands together. “Let’s take a look now shall we?”
He glides his finger tips over the egg and Dean forces himself to stay seated.
Balthazar makes a little humming noise, then drops his hands. “She’s in perfect health. I’d say she’ll hatch in the next week.”
Sam laughs. “Might be a Christmas baby, huh?”
“Cas would have to have a Christmas hatchling. Always liked that holiday of yours,” Balthazar says. “He used to sneak the edge of Heaven so he could look down at the celebrations.”
Dean almost smiles at that, trying to imagine Cas watching Christmas lights go up. He wishes they’d done Christmas the year before last. If just so he could have seen Cas’ face light up.
“Thanks Balthazar,” Sam says. “We appreciate it.”
“Did it for Cas, not you two monkeys,” Balthazar points out, but it doesn’t have much sting to it. “I’ll come around check on them. Make sure he eats. He’ll start getting a bit one trackish.”
Dean ignores them, his fingers itching to have the egg back. Fuck, he wants Cas here. This would all make so much more sense with Cas there.
When Sam returns the egg to Dean’s arms, Dean hurries back upstairs. Ignoring that Balthazar and Sam are still talking. Ignoring that Balthazar might be flirting with his baby brother.
***
Three days later Dean lays curled around the egg.
He feels drained.
Moving is too much work, expect to stroke his hand over the warm surface of his egg. “Hey sweetheart,” he whispers. “We’ll get through this. I promise.”
He’s not hungry but he knows he should be.
He closes his eyes for a moment and when he opens them again Sam is there. His brother is kneeling beside him holding a bowl of soup. “Dean, Dean,” Sam’s saying.
“What?” Dean answers groggily.
Sam presses his free hand to Dean’s forehead. “You’re burning up.”
Dean nods a little. “Need to keep her warm.”
Sam’s brow wrinkles and he looks deeply concerned. “Dean, at least eat something.”
He’s not hungry but he doesn’t want to upset Sammy. So he pushes himself up and takes the bowl with slightly shaking hands. “I’m just tired,” Dean tells Sam. “Don’t worry so much. My job to worry about you.”
Sam reaches out and steadies Dean’s hand as he eats some of the soup. “Goes both ways.”
Dean gives him a smile. “Soup’s good.” It tastes like nothing on his tongue. But he does need his strength.
Sam sits there until Dean finishing the soup, then takes the bowl. “I’ll be right back,” Sam tells him.
Dean nods then lays back down. Just for second. Just for a moment.
“He just sleeps all the time, he’s burning up,” he hears Sam say. “And he won’t leave the nest.”
He opens his eyes bare slits and sees Sam’s feet along with a second pair. “I told you this might happen, Sam.” It’s Balthazar’s voice, but he sounds almost gentle. Concerned.
“I know, but -- can you help him at all. I’m afraid if it goes on like this he won’t last,” Sam sounds strained and Dean wants to tell him its fine, he’s fine, but it’s a lie.
There’s the sound of a hand against cloth. “Sam, I’ll do what I can, but it’s only a stop gap. Cassy needs to be here. If the she hatches without him here...”
A strained laugh. “Not helping me feel better here, Bal.”
Bal?
“Sam, I don’t know where Castiel is. I’d have dragged him here if I knew. He’s not answering my calls either,” Balthazar sounds like he’s sorry. Like he really means the lines he’s feeding Sam.
Sam breathes out loud and noisy. “Just do what you can. Please.”
“I’ll do what I can for him,” Balthazar says. Seconds later there are cool fingers against his forehead.
It’s like a weight is lifted off his chest. He feels -- more grounded. He curls his hand around his egg and falls into a more restful sleep.
***
It’s the middle of night when Dean suddenly wakes. His egg is safe tucked against him. For a moment he doesn’t know what’s woken him.
Then he hears wings. His first thought is to go for the angel blade he’s hidden among the nest clothes. His hand closes around it, but he knows he’s too weak to fight off whatever angel this is. He’s gotta hope Balthazar and Sam are close.
A figure stumbles into the moonlight.
Cas.
“Cas!” Dean gasps.
“The egg,” Cas says, he stumbles closer and collapses to his knees next to the nest.
Dean grabs at Cas’ hand desperate to be touching him. All the exhaustion feels like it’s melting away. “She’s fine. I’ve taken care of her.”
Cas’ fingers tighten around Dean. “I know,” Cas says, leaning forward to rest his forehead against Dean’s. “You’ve taken such good care of our egg.”
“Ours,” Dean repeats shakily. His free hand touches the egg. “She’s mine?”
Cas draws back looking shocked. “Dean, why would I have? Oh, Dean,” and then Cas is kissing him.
It’s better than that night almost two years ago. It’s like coming home, like finding part of himself.
“I should never have been gone so long,” Cas says when they draw apart. “I -- the things I’ve done, Dean.” Cas’ voice shakes.
Dean pulls Cas into the nest, mindful of the egg that glows a warm amber. “We’ll fix it. Whatever you’ve done, we’ll fix it.”
Cas shudders and rests his forehead against Dean’s again. His hands stroke over the egg. “She’s going to hatch soon.”
“Balthazar said you’d want a Christmas baby,” Dean says putting his hands over Cas’ on the egg.
“Dean, it is Christmas,” Cas says softly.
The egg trembles under their joined hands.
“You mean, she’s hatching now?” Dean asks, feeling out of breath.
Cas nods eyes focused on the egg and their hands.
“What do we do?” The egg under their hands spills off light and heat. Then the first fracture appears across the top.
“We help her, you know what to do, Dean. Just as you’ve known what to do all this time,” Cas assures him, leaning forward and kissing Dean’s lips, chaste and gentle.
More fracture lines appear across the egg, then true breaks. Then bits of the shell start falling away. Dean helps it along with Cas. They pull away the pieces of shell.
Before long they’re left with a perfect baby girl lying in the remains of the egg. She blinks open wide green eyes and lets out a wail.
Dean starts to laugh as he gathers her up in Cas’ trench coat. Wiping away the after birth. Cas is stroking her hair, running his fingers down her spine.
“She’s perfect,” Cas breathes. “Even her wings.”
Dean doesn’t see wings but he’s happy to hear that.
The baby wails again. “Yeah, I know, sweetheart,” Dean tells her, kissing her forehead.
Cas curls an arm around Dean. “I’m never leaving you again,” he swears.
Dean nods tiredly. “You’d better not. I’m not cut out to be a single parent.”
Soon Sam, Bobby, and Balthazar will be there. Bobby will get to hold his first grandchild -- Dean’s sure Sam will give him more -- Sam will coo over his baby niece. Balthazar will be Balthazar.
But for now it’s just them and Dean’s happy.
He’s happy.
And he can’t wait to play with her in the snow when she’s bigger.