[FIC] It's How Life Worked Out for DROPOUT
Gift type: Fanfic
Title: It's How Life Worked Out
Author: thewordthief
Recipient: dropout
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2937
Warnings: Cliche fluff. Seriously. Lots of cliche.
Spoilers: through the end of season six.
Summary: Castiel shows up in the middle of a snow storm, soul-less and pleading. Dean’s been having dreams exactly like this and isn't about to fall for it again.
Author notes: This fic turns out a little different than originally planned, but hopefully you like it anyway.... Title from "Hoodie Weather" by The Wonder Years.
Dean had been having dreams about Cas showing up and begging for forgiveness for weeks. So when he wakes up to a soft knock on the motel room door and opens it to find a sad-eyed, obviously human Castiel he’s inclined to believe he never actually awoke in the first place. Cas is scruffy, shifty, and showing classic signs of pain and sorrow. Dean just snorts.
“Alright, come in,” he mumbles as he steps aside to let the man in. Cas slides past him, a bit of confusion playing along with the fear now. “Get on with it, then. You’re the third human version of this bullshit I’ve had and I’m sure you can’t have anything new to say. Out with it, so this dream can go on to naked women or something better than you and your pathetic excuses.” Dean is pissed and he knows yelling at dreams will do him no good. But he’s getting really bored of being expected to forgive fake versions of his former friend every night, especially while the real thing obviously couldn’t care less.
Castiel appears startled, hands twitching at his side and eyes wide. “Dean…I…” he trails off, obviously at a loss for what to say. “This isn’t a dream,” he says finally, moving toward Dean, “I came to beg your forgiveness. I was wrong. I hurt you. I…” He stops as Dean steps away, arms crossed over his chest.
“Yeah, Cas, you were. And you did hurt me. I can’t just forgive you for that.” He sinks down into one of the motel chairs, head falling into his hands. “I can’t keep explaining this to a fake you all the time, Cas. The real you doesn’t care and waking up to remember that hurts too.” This is already way too much feelings talk for him and he just wants it over. He’s vaguely aware that something about this time seems different, more vivid. That’s when the door opens and Sam walks in with a greasy bag of breakfast.
“Cas?” his brother grunts, eyes narrowed and suspicious as he drops the bag of food on the table.
Castiel’s hands fly up and he stumbles out a “hello, Sam. I’m just here to talk,” while Dean slowly realizes his mistake.
“This isn’t a dream,” he says slowly as Sam looks from him to Cas in concern.
“No, Dean.” Castiel’s eyes shift to the floor and he seems to collapse in on himself.
“Oh,” Dean pushes himself to his feet and frowns. “Sam, could you possibly wait outside a few minutes. I need to have a couple words with Cas.”
Sam nods warily, visibly torn at the idea of leaving Dean alone with someone who had threatened to destroy them last time they met. But after a few seconds he digs through the food bag and he take out his food as he before he retreats. “Sure, Dean. I’ll be right out in the Impala if you need me.”
Dean’s not paying attention to Sam, though. He’s watching Castiel and motions to the chair opposite the one he’d just vacated with a sigh. “Sit,” he tells the new human, who does without question. “What happened, Cas?” he asks, lips pressing into a grim line as he watches blue eyes finally meet his.
“I gave up the souls. I sent them back and they took my grace with them.”
Dean nods, signaling for him to go on.
“It took some time for me to find you. Balthazar helped but the marks on your ribs made it difficult. I’m afraid I had to ask him to read Bobby’s mind to learn your location. I debated just waiting until you were there, but I felt this was urgent and wanted to get it over with as soon as possible. I also,” he shifts here, looking down at this hands, “for a few days I thought maybe I shouldn’t find you. That I should have Balthazar tell you that I was dead and then disappear. That would have been yet another betrayal, though, even if it was one you weren’t aware of.” There is grief and regret radiating from him in waves and Dean tries not to let it affect him. “As you know, I am human now. There is no chance of me regaining my grace. You, Sam, and Bobby are the only humans I know, who would understand that I need to learn how to function in this state. Also, I need your forgiveness, Dean. You’re all I have and I am unable to continue knowing how I have hurt you. I couldn’t possibly go on having done nothing to try to fix it.”
“This isn’t something I can easily forgive, Cas, if I can forgive you at all. This isn’t a problem you can simply fix.” At the sight of Castiel’s eyes welling up with tears, Dean sighs and stands up. “We’re heading to Bobby’s. It’s Christmas and we figured we should celebrate that we’re still alive. It’s a day for family. Stupid mistakes or not, you’re still family. This doesn’t mean earning my forgiveness is going to be easy, but…” he glares, pointing at Castiel’s now tear-stained cheeks. “Someone’s gotta teach you that men don’t cry, and it sure as shit ain’t gonna be Sammy.
Castiel’s eyes brighten as Dean opens the door to call for Sam.
~~~~~
No one says much of anything on the way to Bobby’s. Sam keeps shooting looks between Dean and Castiel, mouth opening like he’s going to say something before it shuts again with a snap. They’re maybe fifteen miles from the scrapyard when Dean loses it, slamming on the breaks as he pulls the car off to the side of the road.
“Alright, everybody out,” he demands, pushing his door open with more force than he would normally dare use on his precious baby. The sight of it leaves the other two occupants scrambling to comply. Though, they show much more care to the car as to not anger the fuming Winchester further.
“What, Dean?” Sam asks, bitch-face on but kept at a low wattage.
Dean throws his hands up with a scowl. “Cas, you need to apologize to Sam too. I was hoping to put it off until I could be somewhere else, but this awkwardness is ruining my enjoyment of the drive.”
Castiel stares at Dean, a look of horror and shame on his face as Sam sighs. “We already talked, Dean.”
Dean blinks, running through the events to try to figure out own this could have happened. He comes up blank. “When?”
Cas shifts uncomfortably while Sam’s bitch-face drops to a puppy-eyed expression of apology. “Before he came to you. I ran into him when I went to get breakfast. We talked and then I sent him to talk to you.”
“But…” Dean’s unsure what to think at this information, replaying the scene in his head with a frown. “You seemed surprised to see him.”
“I’m good at acting.” Sam’s voice is laced with sarcasm. “Though, I was a little surprised when you hadn’t kicked him out.”
“You lied to me.”
“Yes,” Sam sighs again, “but don’t blame Cas. I told him to.”
“Why?” Dean’s furious and resisting the urge to punch his brother in the face.
“Because you get pathetically jealous over him. I knew you’d react badly that I’d gotten to talk to him first.”
“Well, he’s my angel!”
“You’re just proving my point, Dean.”
“I’m not jealous.”
“Right…”
“So, what, you forgave him?”
“No,” Cas mumbles the same time Sam answers “yes.”
The younger Winchester and the former angel’s eyes meet and they both frown.
“Sorta,” Sam supplies, eyes flicking to his brother, “there are conditions.”
“And those were?” Dean’s fiercely denying the previously accused jealous in his head, but the fact that Sam and Cas apparently had this entire deal made without him irks him.
“Not yet met.” Cas answers, eyes still on Sam. “I am working on them, but it will take time.”
“And I acknowledge that, Cas. I know these things will not be easy. In the meantime, you can consider us back on good terms.”
Cas gives a small smile, the first Dean has seen on him since his return. The fact that it is caused by and directed at Sam leaves a heavy feeling in his gut.
“Okay, enough of this girly bullshit.” He turns, getting into the Impala with a grace that comes with practice. “Get in the damn car or I’ll leave you to walk the rest of the way.
~~~~~
Bobby is wary but let’s the angel in with only a grunt when Dean mumbles, “Cas is joining us,” and slips past him into the house. Bobby can't bring himself to be surprised but he isn't exactly happy about the added guest either. He doesn't trust Castiel, but he does trust the Winchesters so he lets it go. He stands back to allow Sam and the ex-angel through. Cas looks like he is about to say something but Bobby turns around and follows Dean into the kitchen. "I assume you boys want food. Sam, there should be some salad in the fridge. Dean and I are eating real food." Dean grins. "What does your angel eat anyways?" Bobby asks Dean.
Dean frowns. "I don't know why you're asking me." Bobby and Sam both give him a look.
"I'll eat anything." Cas says to break the tense silence.
"Right," Bobby grunts, "you boys eat, then we'll get ourselves a tree."
Castiel's face says humans confound him and Dean is amused to see the head tilt stayed through all the changes the man's undergone recently. "There are plenty of trees outside. Why do we need to find one?"
Dean slings an arm around Cas's shoulder. "It's a Christmas tree, dude. It's a specific type of tree. You cut it down and stick it in the house. To put presents under."
"I don't understand," Cas continues, face serious, as if Christmas trees were a very important issue, "Why-"
"Look, Cas," Dean sighs, knowing that if he didn't it would prompt a large intellectual lecture from Sam. "The why isn't important. It's Christmas. That's just what you do. Christmas is all about tradition. And we're finally able to start our own. You'll learn."
~~~~~
The sleep situation doesn’t really cross Dean’s mind as a problem until he dumps his duffle bag in the spare room and remembers that there’s sleeping space for three in a house suddenly occupied by four men. Displacing Bobby doesn’t even cross Dean’s mind, and he’s not about to give up sleeping on the bed he’d won fair and square at Rock-Paper-Scissors the night before. He opens the closet and pulls out a spare pillow and blanket with an internal groan.
“Cas,” he calls out, “get your non-feathery ass up here.”
He hears the unfamiliar footsteps on the stairs as he questions to himself just how terrifically bad this idea is.
“Looks like you’re bunkin’ with me tonight. It’s a small bed, so stick to your side or I’m kicking you to the floor, understand?”
Castiel nods, eyeing the pillow and blanket Dean thrusts at him with distrust.
“I’m not going so far as to share with you, dude. And even then I’m sleeping fully clothed.” He pauses then, leaning with his shoulder against the wall. “I don’t suppose in your short time as a human you’ve picked up any more clothes, have you?”
Castiel looks down at his outfit, the same thing he’s worn since the day Dean met him and Cas doesn’t even need to speak for Dean to know the answer. “Okay,” he claps his hands together and straightens, “we’ll pick you up some pajamas on the way to get a tree.”
~~~~~
The Christmas tree lot is small, operating in the parking lot of the local Dairy Queen. Dean thinks a french silk pie blizzard actually sounds pretty good, even if he's generally not a fan of chocolate pies, but the store is closed for the season. He wanders through the rows of trees, trying to ignore the sulking figure behind him. Castiel hasn't really said much since they left Bobby's. He hasn't really said much since he showed up again, actually, but now it seems more like he has a lot to say but isn't sure how to start. Dean's not used to that. Normally Cas doesn't hold much back. It makes him edgy, almost anxious as he waits for the inevitable conversation. Dean knows they can't leave their relationship where it's at, but he really doesn't want to talk about it.
They aren't good. Of course they're not good. Cas went behind Dean's back. He worked with Crowley and he broke Sam's wall. It took months for them to get Sam to the point of being able to function like he can now. But it's Cas. He was family, he still is. Dean needs to know that Castiel isn't going to hurt his brother like that again. Or Dean. Because he had been hurt by Cas's actions. But losing Castiel isn't an option. He'd almost done it a few times already, and this last time nearly broke him.
Dean stops in front of a large tree, Castiel falling in at his side. “I like this one, I think.” Dean says, hands shoved in his coat pockets as he looks up at it. Castiel shifts and the hunter knows this is the moment.
"Dean, what can I do?"
"I don't know Cas," Dean doesn’t look away from the tree, avoiding Castiel's gaze, "I don't know. I feel like I have this conversation way too often with people I love."
What he said doesn't really register until he hears Castiel softly question "you love me?" and Dean can't help but laugh, palms pressed into his eyes.
"Yeah, Cas, I do. Of course I do, man. You’re Cas. You saved me from Hell. You rebelled for me. You…"
Cas turns, eyes narrowed but curious. “You’re in love with me.”
“Yeah.” And it's true. It's stupidly and ridiculously true. Dean’s known forever, but saying it aloud is like a blow. “Yeah, I am, and that’s why I’m forgiving you. Okay? But…” he trails off, giving himself a moment to catch up with what he just admitted. “Shit.”
“I love you too, Dean.”
Dean smiles, finally turning to look at his friend, “No shit, Cas. Enough of this, though. Let’s buy this goddamn tree and get back.”
“Okay, Dean.”
~~~~
When they get back to Bobby's, Dean isn't sure how to act around Cas. He just confessed his love for the guy, but can barely look him in the eye. He almost manages to avoid him as they finish cooking dinner. It's nearly impossible to actually avoid someone in Bobby's small kitchen, and it's not like he actually wants to be away from Cas per say, he just isn't sure how to act. He doesn't do emotions or any of that girly crap. That's Sammy's job.
"Sam, you're not allowed to talk to Cas after tonight. He cried earlier and I'm trying to make him less of a girl. You'd set him back on that."
Cas shot him a look. "If that information is something you would consider embarrassing, why would you share it?"
"You cried, man. You came to me begging for forgiveness and you cried. Like a girl. I'm going to mock you for it. That's how you learn to stop."
Sam starts a lecture at that, but Dean tunes him out in favor of teaching Castiel the correct way to mash potatoes.
They throw glances at each other over dinner. Dean hopes that Sam and Bobby don't notice, but knows better than to assume that they do.. At least he won't have to explain it to them. Dean gets his answer when they're decorating. Sam disappears for a moment and next thing he knows he's standing under mistletoe with Cas. It's a tossup over which of them is more embarrassed. Sam is giving them his take on a smug grin. "Just kiss it out already. If you two get anymore like teenagers with their first crush I just might shoot myself."
Any of the numerous protests Dean could think of died when Cas kisses him. Really kisses him. Not shy or anything. Full on tongue action. All his concerns just die there, pushed out of his mind by his angel pulling him closer.
They break apart at Bobby's grunt of discomfort and Sam's obvious attempt to smother laughter behind a hand. The rest of the night goes by with Cas pressed close to Dean's side as they watch Christmas movies and exchange gifts. Dean is happy to find that while he and Cas had been out getting a tree, Bobby and Sam had found an ancient text to give Cas. And nobody comments when him and the ex-angel call it an early night.
Things aren't completely perfect. His relationship with Cas isn't going to be easy in the slightest, he knows, but it'll get there. There's no threats to worry about at the moment and they have time to figure things out.
Title: It's How Life Worked Out
Author: thewordthief
Recipient: dropout
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2937
Warnings: Cliche fluff. Seriously. Lots of cliche.
Spoilers: through the end of season six.
Summary: Castiel shows up in the middle of a snow storm, soul-less and pleading. Dean’s been having dreams exactly like this and isn't about to fall for it again.
Author notes: This fic turns out a little different than originally planned, but hopefully you like it anyway.... Title from "Hoodie Weather" by The Wonder Years.
Dean had been having dreams about Cas showing up and begging for forgiveness for weeks. So when he wakes up to a soft knock on the motel room door and opens it to find a sad-eyed, obviously human Castiel he’s inclined to believe he never actually awoke in the first place. Cas is scruffy, shifty, and showing classic signs of pain and sorrow. Dean just snorts.
“Alright, come in,” he mumbles as he steps aside to let the man in. Cas slides past him, a bit of confusion playing along with the fear now. “Get on with it, then. You’re the third human version of this bullshit I’ve had and I’m sure you can’t have anything new to say. Out with it, so this dream can go on to naked women or something better than you and your pathetic excuses.” Dean is pissed and he knows yelling at dreams will do him no good. But he’s getting really bored of being expected to forgive fake versions of his former friend every night, especially while the real thing obviously couldn’t care less.
Castiel appears startled, hands twitching at his side and eyes wide. “Dean…I…” he trails off, obviously at a loss for what to say. “This isn’t a dream,” he says finally, moving toward Dean, “I came to beg your forgiveness. I was wrong. I hurt you. I…” He stops as Dean steps away, arms crossed over his chest.
“Yeah, Cas, you were. And you did hurt me. I can’t just forgive you for that.” He sinks down into one of the motel chairs, head falling into his hands. “I can’t keep explaining this to a fake you all the time, Cas. The real you doesn’t care and waking up to remember that hurts too.” This is already way too much feelings talk for him and he just wants it over. He’s vaguely aware that something about this time seems different, more vivid. That’s when the door opens and Sam walks in with a greasy bag of breakfast.
“Cas?” his brother grunts, eyes narrowed and suspicious as he drops the bag of food on the table.
Castiel’s hands fly up and he stumbles out a “hello, Sam. I’m just here to talk,” while Dean slowly realizes his mistake.
“This isn’t a dream,” he says slowly as Sam looks from him to Cas in concern.
“No, Dean.” Castiel’s eyes shift to the floor and he seems to collapse in on himself.
“Oh,” Dean pushes himself to his feet and frowns. “Sam, could you possibly wait outside a few minutes. I need to have a couple words with Cas.”
Sam nods warily, visibly torn at the idea of leaving Dean alone with someone who had threatened to destroy them last time they met. But after a few seconds he digs through the food bag and he take out his food as he before he retreats. “Sure, Dean. I’ll be right out in the Impala if you need me.”
Dean’s not paying attention to Sam, though. He’s watching Castiel and motions to the chair opposite the one he’d just vacated with a sigh. “Sit,” he tells the new human, who does without question. “What happened, Cas?” he asks, lips pressing into a grim line as he watches blue eyes finally meet his.
“I gave up the souls. I sent them back and they took my grace with them.”
Dean nods, signaling for him to go on.
“It took some time for me to find you. Balthazar helped but the marks on your ribs made it difficult. I’m afraid I had to ask him to read Bobby’s mind to learn your location. I debated just waiting until you were there, but I felt this was urgent and wanted to get it over with as soon as possible. I also,” he shifts here, looking down at this hands, “for a few days I thought maybe I shouldn’t find you. That I should have Balthazar tell you that I was dead and then disappear. That would have been yet another betrayal, though, even if it was one you weren’t aware of.” There is grief and regret radiating from him in waves and Dean tries not to let it affect him. “As you know, I am human now. There is no chance of me regaining my grace. You, Sam, and Bobby are the only humans I know, who would understand that I need to learn how to function in this state. Also, I need your forgiveness, Dean. You’re all I have and I am unable to continue knowing how I have hurt you. I couldn’t possibly go on having done nothing to try to fix it.”
“This isn’t something I can easily forgive, Cas, if I can forgive you at all. This isn’t a problem you can simply fix.” At the sight of Castiel’s eyes welling up with tears, Dean sighs and stands up. “We’re heading to Bobby’s. It’s Christmas and we figured we should celebrate that we’re still alive. It’s a day for family. Stupid mistakes or not, you’re still family. This doesn’t mean earning my forgiveness is going to be easy, but…” he glares, pointing at Castiel’s now tear-stained cheeks. “Someone’s gotta teach you that men don’t cry, and it sure as shit ain’t gonna be Sammy.
Castiel’s eyes brighten as Dean opens the door to call for Sam.
~~~~~
No one says much of anything on the way to Bobby’s. Sam keeps shooting looks between Dean and Castiel, mouth opening like he’s going to say something before it shuts again with a snap. They’re maybe fifteen miles from the scrapyard when Dean loses it, slamming on the breaks as he pulls the car off to the side of the road.
“Alright, everybody out,” he demands, pushing his door open with more force than he would normally dare use on his precious baby. The sight of it leaves the other two occupants scrambling to comply. Though, they show much more care to the car as to not anger the fuming Winchester further.
“What, Dean?” Sam asks, bitch-face on but kept at a low wattage.
Dean throws his hands up with a scowl. “Cas, you need to apologize to Sam too. I was hoping to put it off until I could be somewhere else, but this awkwardness is ruining my enjoyment of the drive.”
Castiel stares at Dean, a look of horror and shame on his face as Sam sighs. “We already talked, Dean.”
Dean blinks, running through the events to try to figure out own this could have happened. He comes up blank. “When?”
Cas shifts uncomfortably while Sam’s bitch-face drops to a puppy-eyed expression of apology. “Before he came to you. I ran into him when I went to get breakfast. We talked and then I sent him to talk to you.”
“But…” Dean’s unsure what to think at this information, replaying the scene in his head with a frown. “You seemed surprised to see him.”
“I’m good at acting.” Sam’s voice is laced with sarcasm. “Though, I was a little surprised when you hadn’t kicked him out.”
“You lied to me.”
“Yes,” Sam sighs again, “but don’t blame Cas. I told him to.”
“Why?” Dean’s furious and resisting the urge to punch his brother in the face.
“Because you get pathetically jealous over him. I knew you’d react badly that I’d gotten to talk to him first.”
“Well, he’s my angel!”
“You’re just proving my point, Dean.”
“I’m not jealous.”
“Right…”
“So, what, you forgave him?”
“No,” Cas mumbles the same time Sam answers “yes.”
The younger Winchester and the former angel’s eyes meet and they both frown.
“Sorta,” Sam supplies, eyes flicking to his brother, “there are conditions.”
“And those were?” Dean’s fiercely denying the previously accused jealous in his head, but the fact that Sam and Cas apparently had this entire deal made without him irks him.
“Not yet met.” Cas answers, eyes still on Sam. “I am working on them, but it will take time.”
“And I acknowledge that, Cas. I know these things will not be easy. In the meantime, you can consider us back on good terms.”
Cas gives a small smile, the first Dean has seen on him since his return. The fact that it is caused by and directed at Sam leaves a heavy feeling in his gut.
“Okay, enough of this girly bullshit.” He turns, getting into the Impala with a grace that comes with practice. “Get in the damn car or I’ll leave you to walk the rest of the way.
~~~~~
Bobby is wary but let’s the angel in with only a grunt when Dean mumbles, “Cas is joining us,” and slips past him into the house. Bobby can't bring himself to be surprised but he isn't exactly happy about the added guest either. He doesn't trust Castiel, but he does trust the Winchesters so he lets it go. He stands back to allow Sam and the ex-angel through. Cas looks like he is about to say something but Bobby turns around and follows Dean into the kitchen. "I assume you boys want food. Sam, there should be some salad in the fridge. Dean and I are eating real food." Dean grins. "What does your angel eat anyways?" Bobby asks Dean.
Dean frowns. "I don't know why you're asking me." Bobby and Sam both give him a look.
"I'll eat anything." Cas says to break the tense silence.
"Right," Bobby grunts, "you boys eat, then we'll get ourselves a tree."
Castiel's face says humans confound him and Dean is amused to see the head tilt stayed through all the changes the man's undergone recently. "There are plenty of trees outside. Why do we need to find one?"
Dean slings an arm around Cas's shoulder. "It's a Christmas tree, dude. It's a specific type of tree. You cut it down and stick it in the house. To put presents under."
"I don't understand," Cas continues, face serious, as if Christmas trees were a very important issue, "Why-"
"Look, Cas," Dean sighs, knowing that if he didn't it would prompt a large intellectual lecture from Sam. "The why isn't important. It's Christmas. That's just what you do. Christmas is all about tradition. And we're finally able to start our own. You'll learn."
~~~~~
The sleep situation doesn’t really cross Dean’s mind as a problem until he dumps his duffle bag in the spare room and remembers that there’s sleeping space for three in a house suddenly occupied by four men. Displacing Bobby doesn’t even cross Dean’s mind, and he’s not about to give up sleeping on the bed he’d won fair and square at Rock-Paper-Scissors the night before. He opens the closet and pulls out a spare pillow and blanket with an internal groan.
“Cas,” he calls out, “get your non-feathery ass up here.”
He hears the unfamiliar footsteps on the stairs as he questions to himself just how terrifically bad this idea is.
“Looks like you’re bunkin’ with me tonight. It’s a small bed, so stick to your side or I’m kicking you to the floor, understand?”
Castiel nods, eyeing the pillow and blanket Dean thrusts at him with distrust.
“I’m not going so far as to share with you, dude. And even then I’m sleeping fully clothed.” He pauses then, leaning with his shoulder against the wall. “I don’t suppose in your short time as a human you’ve picked up any more clothes, have you?”
Castiel looks down at his outfit, the same thing he’s worn since the day Dean met him and Cas doesn’t even need to speak for Dean to know the answer. “Okay,” he claps his hands together and straightens, “we’ll pick you up some pajamas on the way to get a tree.”
~~~~~
The Christmas tree lot is small, operating in the parking lot of the local Dairy Queen. Dean thinks a french silk pie blizzard actually sounds pretty good, even if he's generally not a fan of chocolate pies, but the store is closed for the season. He wanders through the rows of trees, trying to ignore the sulking figure behind him. Castiel hasn't really said much since they left Bobby's. He hasn't really said much since he showed up again, actually, but now it seems more like he has a lot to say but isn't sure how to start. Dean's not used to that. Normally Cas doesn't hold much back. It makes him edgy, almost anxious as he waits for the inevitable conversation. Dean knows they can't leave their relationship where it's at, but he really doesn't want to talk about it.
They aren't good. Of course they're not good. Cas went behind Dean's back. He worked with Crowley and he broke Sam's wall. It took months for them to get Sam to the point of being able to function like he can now. But it's Cas. He was family, he still is. Dean needs to know that Castiel isn't going to hurt his brother like that again. Or Dean. Because he had been hurt by Cas's actions. But losing Castiel isn't an option. He'd almost done it a few times already, and this last time nearly broke him.
Dean stops in front of a large tree, Castiel falling in at his side. “I like this one, I think.” Dean says, hands shoved in his coat pockets as he looks up at it. Castiel shifts and the hunter knows this is the moment.
"Dean, what can I do?"
"I don't know Cas," Dean doesn’t look away from the tree, avoiding Castiel's gaze, "I don't know. I feel like I have this conversation way too often with people I love."
What he said doesn't really register until he hears Castiel softly question "you love me?" and Dean can't help but laugh, palms pressed into his eyes.
"Yeah, Cas, I do. Of course I do, man. You’re Cas. You saved me from Hell. You rebelled for me. You…"
Cas turns, eyes narrowed but curious. “You’re in love with me.”
“Yeah.” And it's true. It's stupidly and ridiculously true. Dean’s known forever, but saying it aloud is like a blow. “Yeah, I am, and that’s why I’m forgiving you. Okay? But…” he trails off, giving himself a moment to catch up with what he just admitted. “Shit.”
“I love you too, Dean.”
Dean smiles, finally turning to look at his friend, “No shit, Cas. Enough of this, though. Let’s buy this goddamn tree and get back.”
“Okay, Dean.”
~~~~
When they get back to Bobby's, Dean isn't sure how to act around Cas. He just confessed his love for the guy, but can barely look him in the eye. He almost manages to avoid him as they finish cooking dinner. It's nearly impossible to actually avoid someone in Bobby's small kitchen, and it's not like he actually wants to be away from Cas per say, he just isn't sure how to act. He doesn't do emotions or any of that girly crap. That's Sammy's job.
"Sam, you're not allowed to talk to Cas after tonight. He cried earlier and I'm trying to make him less of a girl. You'd set him back on that."
Cas shot him a look. "If that information is something you would consider embarrassing, why would you share it?"
"You cried, man. You came to me begging for forgiveness and you cried. Like a girl. I'm going to mock you for it. That's how you learn to stop."
Sam starts a lecture at that, but Dean tunes him out in favor of teaching Castiel the correct way to mash potatoes.
They throw glances at each other over dinner. Dean hopes that Sam and Bobby don't notice, but knows better than to assume that they do.. At least he won't have to explain it to them. Dean gets his answer when they're decorating. Sam disappears for a moment and next thing he knows he's standing under mistletoe with Cas. It's a tossup over which of them is more embarrassed. Sam is giving them his take on a smug grin. "Just kiss it out already. If you two get anymore like teenagers with their first crush I just might shoot myself."
Any of the numerous protests Dean could think of died when Cas kisses him. Really kisses him. Not shy or anything. Full on tongue action. All his concerns just die there, pushed out of his mind by his angel pulling him closer.
They break apart at Bobby's grunt of discomfort and Sam's obvious attempt to smother laughter behind a hand. The rest of the night goes by with Cas pressed close to Dean's side as they watch Christmas movies and exchange gifts. Dean is happy to find that while he and Cas had been out getting a tree, Bobby and Sam had found an ancient text to give Cas. And nobody comments when him and the ex-angel call it an early night.
Things aren't completely perfect. His relationship with Cas isn't going to be easy in the slightest, he knows, but it'll get there. There's no threats to worry about at the moment and they have time to figure things out.