[FIC] No Matter What Our Future Holds (NC-17) for _Izu_
Gift type: Fanfic
Title: No Matter What Our Future Holds
Recipient: _izu_
Author: ru_salki99
Rating: nc-17
Warnings: slight angst
Spoilers: slight spoilers for season 5 up to 5x04
Summary: Future Castiel gives Dean some advice and thankfully, he takes that advice on board.
Author notes: I may have twisted your prompts a little bit, but I hope you still enjoy it.
~*~*~*~*~*~
As Castiel came out of his hut, thoroughly satiated after an afternoon spent with… he couldn’t actually remember their names, (they were newly weds who had come to them for a blessing on their relationship and as usual, he had manipulated them both into his bed)… he stood on his porch and stretched, letting the fresh air penetrate his lungs.
He looked out at the landscape before him, at the thick trees and the way the winter sun tried to penetrate the deep ferns. It would have been the perfect scenery if it wasn’t for the loud shouting and sounds of flesh being pounded upon floating across them to hit his ears.
Sighing, he made his way down the steps and headed towards the noise. He knew who at least one of the assailants were as he would recognise Dean’s voice anywhere, as for the other, he wasn’t entirely sure. He hoped it wasn’t the other Dean though, wouldn’t that be confusing for the masses.
Unfortunately however, it was.
Dean, his Dean, had the other Dean pinned to the hood of one of the trucks, shouting at him that he just didn’t get it, that he would never get it while emphasising each ‘it’ with a hard punch to his face.
“Dean stop it,” Castiel said as he pushed his way through.
While Dean was their leader, and answered to no one, Castiel (and sometimes Chuck) was the only one who he ever listened to, who could ever control his wild streak. However, this did not appear to be one of those times as Dean ignored him and continued to pound on Dean.
“I said stop it!”
Castiel reached out and wrapped his hand round Dean’s fist just before it came down again. Dean scowled at him, hate and rage pouring out of his eyes as Castiel gripped his fist tight. He may not be an angel anymore, he may not have any grace, but he was still abnormally strong.
“Stay out of it Cas,” Dean hissed at him as he yanked his hand away and took a step back.
“The Hell I will,” Castiel snapped as he turned to the injured Dean and helped him stand up properly, “What the hell is wrong with you?” he asked his Dean as he lay a steady hand on the other, “Aren’t we all supposed to be in this together? But no, someone says something you don’t like you beat the shit out of them!”
Castiel turned away from him then, back to the other Dean and wrapped an arm around his body, getting ready to escort him away when he heard Dean mumble something.
“What?” he asked as he turned to look up at him, the injured Dean swaying slightly as he leaned on him.
“I said, I didn’t expect a fucking junkie to understand,” Dean gritted through his teeth.
Normally Castiel would just laugh at him, remind him just who’s fault that was and walk away. However, this time, he was far too pissed off for that.
“You want to know why I take all the drugs I do?” he hissed, “To numb the pain Dean. To stop feeling all the things that I feel. But then, you wouldn’t know anything about that as you haven’t felt any kind of emotion in over five years. Why you bother to fight, I’ll never know. You’re already dead inside.”
“Fuck you!”
“No, fuck you Dean! I’m sick of your shit! So fuck, you!”
And with that, Castiel about turned and helped the other Dean away from the crowd and up to his cabin, all the way ignoring the angered shouts from his Dean, demanding that he come back cause they weren’t finished.
But Castiel was sick of it.
He was a warrior, had been for millennium, and so he understood the need to destroy one’s enemy, to beat the shit out of them. However, he just couldn’t wrap his head around why Dean felt the need to do the same to his allies.
“You didn’t have to do that,” Dean said as they hobbled up the steps.
“He would’ve killed you,” Castiel told him.
“I know.”
Castiel looked at him out of the corner of his eye, wondering why this Dean, who had seemed to full of fight mere hours ago, was so depressed and docile now. However, he made no further mention of it as he led him inside, past the sleeping forms still on the bed and into his bathroom.
“You’ve been busy,” Dean said as he was placed on the toilet seat.
Castiel snorted in amusement as he reached into the small cabinet under the sink and pulled out a rather full first aid kit.
“You want to tell me what that was all about anyway?” Castiel asked him as he filled the sink with hot water.
Dean laughed slightly, “You,” he told him.
Castiel raised an eyebrow at him, “Me?”
“I wanted to know what happened to you,” Dean explained, “How he could let you just destroy yourself like this.”
“Could be,” Castiel said as he began to clean the blood off his face, “Because he was too busy destroying himself.”
“And neither of you tried to be there for each other?” Dean asked him, “You didn’t try to comfort each other or nothin?”
“Oh we comforted each other,” Castiel nodded, “Repeatedly if I remember correctly.”
Castiel smiled to himself when he noticed when Dean realised what he was talking about, the unbruised flesh of his cheeks blushing while he shifted slightly in his seat.
“But, as you know, you can be a bit of a commitment-phobe and add that with trying to deal with the fact that your brother said ‘yes’ to Lucifer, while your lover is trying to get used to the idea that he can never go home, that his family has disowned him, forgot all about him and left him to rot in purgatory… then it makes for a bit of a mess.”
“You were lovers?” Dean asked.
Castiel nodded as he placed a couple of small butterfly stitches on his face, “For about six months. Then we started to hate each other, and well… now we barely tolerate each other.”
Dean was quiet for a moment before speaking softly, “Some say that there’s a thin line between love and hate.”
Castiel tilted his head, his blue eyes (looking more sober than they had all week) bored into his own, “And just who says that?”
“Sam,” Dean said, “You.”
Castiel continued to stare at him for a moment before standing up straight and began to tidy away the first aid kit, “He’s never told me he loved me,” he said, “I have, I told him many times. But never once did he say, ‘Cas, I love you’.”
Dean watched him closely for a moment, not sure what to say to that.
“Do me a favour Dean,” Castiel said as he turned back to him, “You ever get back to your own time, your own Castiel, tell him you love him.”
“But we’re not…”
“You will be,” Castiel told him, “And he needs to hear it. He has no one else to share his love with, only you and he needs you to love him back.”
~*~*~*~*~*~
Dean had been back from his little trip into the future for just over a week now. And in that week, he had hardly seen Castiel.
After he had snatched him from the hands of Zachariah, they had exchanged a brief hug in which Dean made Castiel promise that he would never change, before they headed off to get the Impala and drive to meet Sam.
However, when they reached the meeting point, Castiel waited for Dean to get out of the car before leaving. Dean had been both surprised and a little hurt at that, but knew that it was just how Castiel worked, that he didn’t know to say ‘I’ll call you in a couple of days’ or to even say ‘See you later’. He had however received a text telling him that he’d meet them soon.
Sam had been quieter than usual, spending lots of time on his laptop and being well, rather withdrawn. Dean knew better than to try and force him be ‘best buds’ with him again, to try and go back to the way things were, cause they could never go back to that. Whatever kind of relationship they had now, it was completely new and would take a while for them both to get used to.
At the moment, Sam was out, leaving him on his own again. He’d said he was going to the library and that he might go watch a movie or something after. He did ask Dean if he wanted to join him, but Dean declined. He didn’t really like going to the movies. There was something awfully claustrophobic about sitting in the dark in those confining chairs. And while he didn’t like to admit it, he had developed a little bit of claustrophobia since the day he woke up in A COFFIN!
He was tempted to go to a bar, actually. To go out and get drunk. But he neither had the money nor the energy. So instead, he stayed in the motel room, intent on cleaning his guns and watching some Dr Sexy on the TV.
However, his plans were rudely interrupted after a half hour when his phone rang. It was Castiel asking for his location. As soon as he had given it, Castiel was standing in front of him, blocking his view of the TV.
“Cas?” he asked as Castiel looked down at him, “You okay?”
Castiel shook his head slightly (hardly noticeable actually) before looking around the room, “Where is Sam?” he asked.
“Oh he just went out for a bit. He’ll be back later though,” Dean explained, knowing that Castiel was worried that they’d had another fight.
Castiel nodded, “What are you doing?” he asked.
“Cleaning my guns,” Dean told him.
“Do you um… do you need help?” Castiel asked, and Dean couldn’t help but notice the look of hope in his eyes.
“Yeah sure,” Dean nodded. He made to get Castiel to sit down next to him, but soon realised there wasn’t room on the bed so slid to the floor, patting the space next to him.
Castiel dropped down onto the floor, crossing his legs in front of him in much the same way that human Castiel had done while talking to his harem.
“You ever cleaned a gun before?” Dean asked as he grabbed his sawn off.
“No,” Castiel admitted, “But I have seen it done many times.”
“Okay, so you know that the gun needs to come apart right?”
Castiel looked at him as if he was speaking another language and so with a small roll of his eyes Dean reached back over the bed and grabbed a small handgun.
“Let’s start you off with this,” he said as he handed it to Castiel.
He then directed Castiel’s hands to show him how to take it apart, unsurprised when Castiel managed to do it flawlessly as if he’d been doing it all his life as Dean had. Giving him an approving grin, Dean then showed him how to clean each part properly, all the while explaining why (just like his Dad had done with him) before telling him to put it back together again.
They carried on like that for a while, Dean giving Castiel the smaller guns to clean while he concentrated on the shotguns, the more important guns.
“I can see why you enjoy this,” Castiel said after a while.
“Yeah?” Dean asked.
“Yes, it’s very therapeutic,” Castiel explained, “And necessary. Should I ever require the need of a gun, I will now be able to look after it properly.”
Dean stopped in his cleaning and looked at Castiel, noticing the terribly sad look in his eyes as he concentrated on the small gun lying in pieces on his lap, the way his shoulders seemed to droop in defeat and he realised, that Castiel wasn’t talking about using a gun while he was still an angel as angels had no need for a gun, but he was talking about if he were to become human.
“Cas,” Dean said softly as he turned and put a hand on his knee, “You okay?”
Castiel sighed, “I’m fine Dean,” he told him as he picked up the parts and started putting the gun back together.
“No, no you’re not,” Dean said.
Castiel lay the now assembled gun on the floor next to the others before looking up at Dean, “I… I feel my grace diminishing more and more every day,” he said, so quietly that Dean struggled to hear him, “The only thing at the moment that does not seem to be a problem is flying, but I… I get tired and feel like I should rest. I shouldn’t feel the need to rest. That is a human trait.”
Dean didn’t say anything, didn’t interrupt him instead just slid his hand across his lap and took hold of Castiel’s, not at all surprised to feel him grip back tightly.
“I am slowly becoming human,” he said, “Six months from now, I’ll be all but useless. I won’t be able to fight the same way, won’t be able to help you and Sam battle against Lucifer. I will be useless. And then you will go off to fight and I will be… I’ll be on my own. For the first time in my life, I’ll be on my own and that terrifies me.”
“No Cas,” Dean said making the angel look up at him slightly, “So what if you become human and can no longer kill demons with your bare hands, so what if you can’t fly anymore or zap us back and forward to the past. Me and Sam can’t do any of that shit and we’re okay right. We fight.”
“Yes but…”
“I’m not finished,” Dean interrupted, “I’ve seen you fight hand to hand, you know what you’re doing and that’s not the kind of thing you forget just because you’re becoming human. And me and Sam aren’t just gonna leave you. You’re important to us, to me.”
“Why?”
Dean reached up and cupped Castiel’s jaw, “How could you not know?” he asked, receiving a small shrug in reply, “Not only do you know so many important things that me and Sam and not even Bobby can begin to imagine knowing but I…” he cut himself off, unsure if he should say it or not, but then he remembered what future Castiel had said to him, the dead look in his eyes every time he had looked at his future self and he knew he wouldn’t ever be able to survive it if his Castiel ever looked at him like that, “I need you,” he told him, “I love you.”
“You love me?” Castiel asked in complete shock.
Dean nodded, a slight blush coming up on his cheeks, “Yeah,” he said, “I do. Didn’t really plan on it, but you got under my skin and I… I care about you. More than I thought possible for someone who’s not a blood relation. And I… won’t leave you on your own. Ever.”
Castiel nodded, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth and knowing what Dean knew about the other Dean and Castiel, he knew what he was about to do would be okay… or at least he hoped.
He used his hold on Castiel’s jaw to tilt his head up and moved in, capturing his lips in a soft kiss. He felt Castiel stiffen slightly, but it was more out of surprise than anything else.
“Dean I…” Castiel started, his hand holding on painfully tight to Dean’s.
“We don’t have to do anything,” Dean said, stroking a hand through his hair, “I’m not going to push you into something you’re not ready for. Made that mistake once already at the whore house.”
Castiel let out a small laugh at that, that made Dean’s heart burn so hard that it felt like it was going to burst into flames.
“But I am ready,” Castiel told him, “I always have been ready… for you.”
Dean felt his breath quicken as he realised what Castiel was saying to him. True, he had just declared his love for him (which wasn’t as scary as he thought it would’ve been), but he hadn’t actually thought about the physical aspect of that love… well, he had a little bit… okay, so he’d thought about it a lot. Still. That didn’t mean he was any less terrified.
“If you don’t want to…” Castiel begun, but Dean stopped him from saying any more by placing his fingers over his lips.
“I want to,” he told him quietly.
The smile that Castiel bestowed upon him then, set his whole body alight, making him realise that he never ever wanted to see a frown on that face again and was going to do his damndest to make it so.
Returning his smile, he leaned forward and kissed him again, only this time, tilting Castiel’s head back so he could deepen the kiss, pouring all the love and devotion he could into it. Castiel automatically submitted to him, falling back against the bed while gripping tight to Dean’s denim clad hips.
Not wanting to break the kiss, Dean followed him, his body twisted awkwardly so that he could keep their lips attached.
As Castiel rested back against the hard base of the bed, Dean let his hand trail down Castiel’s body, his fingers feeling their way over four different kinds of material… and that’s when he decided that Castiel needed to lose some layers.
Reluctantly pulling back from the kiss, he moved to straddle Castiel’s hips before quickly yet gently pushed Castiel’s trench coat and jacket off his shoulders. He then immediately unbuttoned his shirt, pushing the material aside to reveal smooth, white skin.
As Dean smiled and leaned back in for more kisses, Castiel reached up to undo his tie. Dean looked down and watched as his deft fingers loosened the knot and dropped it to the floor, leaving his throat exposed and just begging to be licked. And so Dean did.
He dipped his head and softly flicked his tongue over Castiel’s Adam’s apple while he slipped his hand up, resting it just over his own amulet, which he had to admit looked unbelievably hot on the angel.
While he paid attention to the soft skin of Castiel’s throat, Castiel’s hands slowly slid up Dean’s legs to rest on his hips, where he began to tug on the soft material of his t-shirt.
Looking down with an amused smile, Dean lifted his hands and allowed Castiel to pull his t-shirt up and over his head. A part of him was a little bit nervous to be naked in front of Castiel, not that he hadn’t seen him in such a state before, but this was different, this was… intimate. However, the way in which Castiel looked at him, the way he trailed his hand down over his chest and stomach made him lose any nerves he had and have them replaced by more lustful emotions.
From that moment on, it was all a bit of a blur, roaming hands and wet kisses as they explored each other’s bodies as best they could in the cramped space they had worked themselves into.
Eventually though, as Dean felt Castiel buck up against him, he knew they had to take things further before they both exploded.
He slid back on Castiel’s legs a little and reached forward with shaky hands to unfasten his belt and work those dark slacks off his slim hips. Castiel watched him closely, not taking his eyes off his hands for one moment, not until Dean paused, his fingers teasingly playing with the waistband of his underwear.
“Please Dean,” Castiel whispered, “Please.”
Something about the needy whine to Castiel’s voice turned Dean the hell on, and he wanted nothing more than to hear it as often as was possible. However, if the look in Castiel’s eyes was anything to go by, he wouldn’t be able to wait much longer for Dean to touch him, and so he pushed his hand inside his underwear, curled it around his swollen cock and just held him.
Castiel gasped loudly, his head falling back against the bed slightly while his hands held on for dear life to Dean’s thighs.
Dean smiled triumphantly to himself as he leaned forward and pulled Castiel into a lingering kiss, his lips soft and wet against his own. Castiel pushed up, returning the kiss with as much force as he could as Dean began to move his hand.
Castiel gasped into his mouth, breathing hard as he pushed forward, invading Dean’s space, but Dean didn’t care. He loved feeling Castiel’s hands on him, his breath mixing with his own and the feel of his baby soft hair brushing against his forehead. God he was just intoxicating.
As Dean sped up his hand, Castiel began to make a soft mewling type noise, his hips bucking involuntarily and his grip on Dean’s legs getting tighter and tighter. If that wasn’t a big enough warning sign to Dean that they were reaching the end, then the quietly whispered Enochian surely was. He pulled his head back a little, looking down at Castiel and watching his face as his entire body shook, his orgasm washing through him and making his entire being ripple with pleasure.
It was the most amazing thing Dean had ever seen.
He watched closely as Castiel collapsed back against the bed, his hold on him loosening before he slowly opened his eyes.
“Alright?” Dean asked, a little worried by Castiel’s silence that he might have broken him.
Castiel nodded slightly before his eyes flicked from Dean’s to his crotch (and still evidently hard cock) and back to his face. Dean looked down too, not entirely sure what to do about it. Sure, a handjob would be nice, but in his experience, virgin handjobs were usually awkward, bordering on painful. Same went for blowjobs.
“Would you like to make love?” Castiel asked him, his usually pale white skin, flushed in the most beautiful way.
“I uh…”
Castiel reached up and cupped Dean’s face, “Please. I want you to,” he said.
Dean nodded, “Okay,” he said as he pulled his hand free and climbed off of Castiel, “But not on the floor. No one deserves to lose their virginity on a mouldy motel room carpet.”
Castiel smiled at him, his eyes twinkling with humour, “Then where?”
Dean looked at the bed. It was still covered in guns and assorted weaponry and as much as he wanted to just sweep them all off the bed, he knew better than to do that just in case one of them was still loaded. Then he looked at Sam’s bed. It was perfectly made and just had his overnight bag on it. But it was Sam’s bed. It would be weird and he’d not be able to enjoy himself.
Coming to his decision, he turned to Castiel, “Turn around,” he told him.
Castiel did as he was told, turning on his knees to face the bed, resting his elbows on the mattress. As he did that, Dean stood up and made his way over to his bag, grabbing the small tube of lubricant he had bought upon his return (just in case) before kneeling behind him once more.
He placed the tube on the bed next to Castiel’s elbow as he reached down and pushed Castiel’s underwear and pants as far down his thighs as they would go, trying not to get too distracted by the perfect roundness of his ass, how, just like the rest of him was smooth and soft to touch.
Castiel shivered under his attention, his hands fisting at the bed spread slightly, his head bowed and struggling to maintain steady breathing.
“You’re beautiful,” Dean whispered into his ear, making him shiver some more.
And then Dean was unbuckling his belt and pushing his jeans and underwear off his own hips, freeing his aching cock from its confines. However as he made to grab the lubricant, he was surprised to come face to face with a pair of deep blue eyes.
“Can I touch you?” Castiel asked.
Dean gulped hard before nodding. Castiel turned a little, twisting his body as he tentively reaching out with a shaky hand to wrap around Dean. As soon as his fingers connected with him, Dean felt his head spinning, slightly over come by the intensity of it all.
Castiel trailed his fingers up and down him softly and Dean had to lean on the bed to stop himself from falling over.
Eventually, getting his wits about him, he opened his eyes again and gripped onto Castiel’s wrist.
“Did I do something wrong?” Castiel asked him, a look of utter concern in his eyes.
“No,” Dean said with a shake of his head, “God no. But I… wouldn’t have lasted long enough for us to, for us to make love.”
“Oh.”
Dean nodded, “Yup. Oh,” he said, allowing Castiel to kiss him again before he turned his back on him once more.
Taking a deep breath, Dean calmed himself down before taking hold of the lubricant. He spread some over himself first, making sure that every part of him was covered before turning to Castiel. Sliding forward slightly, he trailed his hand up and under his shirt, feeling the soft, strong flesh under his hand before he slipped it round his waist and held him flush against his chest. Then gently he slid his other hand down and in between Castiel’s cheeks and began to prepare him.
Castiel jumped a little at first, obviously not having been expecting it, but it wasn’t long before he was pushing back against Dean and muttering ‘please’ over and over again. But Dean ignored him, wanting to make sure he was completely ready before he lost all control of himself. It was bad enough that they couldn’t do it in the bed, he didn’t want to hurt him on top of that.
Eventually though, when Castiel began to more or less fuck his fingers, Dean realised he was as ready as he was ever going to be and pulled his hand free.
“Give me your hand,” he whispered against his jaw.
Castiel let go of the bed and reached up with his right hand to hold onto Dean’s left that was still wrapped tight around his body. Dean held on tight to it as he used his now free hand to guide himself inside.
Castiel began muttering in Enochian again, only this time it was more clipped and so Dean could only guess that it was some form of swearing, and that made him smile. However it didn’t last for long as Castiel clenched around him, making him yell as he almost lost control.
Face buried in Castiel’s neck, he took a couple of deep breaths, calming himself down before he began to move.
They started off slow, Dean taking his time trying to savour every moment while letting Castiel enjoy it just as much as he was. He held onto Castiel’s hip with his free hand, using it to guide his movement… not that he needed it as it seemed Castiel was a quick learner.
As Castiel began to push back against him, meeting every one of his thrusts with his own, their movements inevitably sped up, Dean all but hammering into him as he did so. All was quiet in the room save for their soft grunts and gasps for air and the sound of Dean’s belt buckle jingling with every thrust. It was the hottest sound Dean had ever heard.
“Dean,” Castiel gasped, both hands now gripping on tight to the arm that was wrapped around him. And Dean knew then, that Castiel was close to coming once more.
He sped up his movements, the shirt on Castiel’s back creating a delightful friction against his bare chest as he did so. He didn’t think he’d be able to look at another cotton shirt without getting hard ever again.
As Dean felt his orgasm creep up on him, Castiel started up with the Enochian again, both of them clinging on as tight as they could to each other’s bodies before pleasure swept through them, Castiel pushing as hard as he could back onto Dean while Dean tried to bury himself as deep inside Castiel as he could go.
They clung to each other, neither of them willing to pull apart and break their connection. However, gravity had a way of ruining many things and Dean soon slipped from Castiel’s body. Placing a kiss on the back of Castiel’s neck, Dean stood up, lifting Castiel with him.
“Come on,” he said, “Let’s go get cleaned up.”
Dean took hold of his hand and led him into the bathroom. As he turned on the tap and waited for the hot water to heat up, he couldn’t help but notice that Castiel’s ass cheeks were a little red from where the denim of his jeans had repeatedly rubbed against him. Knowing that it probably hurt, he promised himself that he would kiss it better later.
“Will you promise me something?” Dean said as he grabbed a washcloth and soaked it.
“Anything,” Castiel said.
“No matter what our future holds, no matter what mean things I might say to you, always remember that I love you and that I need you.”
Castiel stared at him, a curious look in his eyes before he finally nodded and pulled Dean down for a quick kiss, “I promise.”
Dean smiled, “Good,” he said, “Now turn around.”
THE END
Title: No Matter What Our Future Holds
Recipient: _izu_
Author: ru_salki99
Rating: nc-17
Warnings: slight angst
Spoilers: slight spoilers for season 5 up to 5x04
Summary: Future Castiel gives Dean some advice and thankfully, he takes that advice on board.
Author notes: I may have twisted your prompts a little bit, but I hope you still enjoy it.
~*~*~*~*~*~
As Castiel came out of his hut, thoroughly satiated after an afternoon spent with… he couldn’t actually remember their names, (they were newly weds who had come to them for a blessing on their relationship and as usual, he had manipulated them both into his bed)… he stood on his porch and stretched, letting the fresh air penetrate his lungs.
He looked out at the landscape before him, at the thick trees and the way the winter sun tried to penetrate the deep ferns. It would have been the perfect scenery if it wasn’t for the loud shouting and sounds of flesh being pounded upon floating across them to hit his ears.
Sighing, he made his way down the steps and headed towards the noise. He knew who at least one of the assailants were as he would recognise Dean’s voice anywhere, as for the other, he wasn’t entirely sure. He hoped it wasn’t the other Dean though, wouldn’t that be confusing for the masses.
Unfortunately however, it was.
Dean, his Dean, had the other Dean pinned to the hood of one of the trucks, shouting at him that he just didn’t get it, that he would never get it while emphasising each ‘it’ with a hard punch to his face.
“Dean stop it,” Castiel said as he pushed his way through.
While Dean was their leader, and answered to no one, Castiel (and sometimes Chuck) was the only one who he ever listened to, who could ever control his wild streak. However, this did not appear to be one of those times as Dean ignored him and continued to pound on Dean.
“I said stop it!”
Castiel reached out and wrapped his hand round Dean’s fist just before it came down again. Dean scowled at him, hate and rage pouring out of his eyes as Castiel gripped his fist tight. He may not be an angel anymore, he may not have any grace, but he was still abnormally strong.
“Stay out of it Cas,” Dean hissed at him as he yanked his hand away and took a step back.
“The Hell I will,” Castiel snapped as he turned to the injured Dean and helped him stand up properly, “What the hell is wrong with you?” he asked his Dean as he lay a steady hand on the other, “Aren’t we all supposed to be in this together? But no, someone says something you don’t like you beat the shit out of them!”
Castiel turned away from him then, back to the other Dean and wrapped an arm around his body, getting ready to escort him away when he heard Dean mumble something.
“What?” he asked as he turned to look up at him, the injured Dean swaying slightly as he leaned on him.
“I said, I didn’t expect a fucking junkie to understand,” Dean gritted through his teeth.
Normally Castiel would just laugh at him, remind him just who’s fault that was and walk away. However, this time, he was far too pissed off for that.
“You want to know why I take all the drugs I do?” he hissed, “To numb the pain Dean. To stop feeling all the things that I feel. But then, you wouldn’t know anything about that as you haven’t felt any kind of emotion in over five years. Why you bother to fight, I’ll never know. You’re already dead inside.”
“Fuck you!”
“No, fuck you Dean! I’m sick of your shit! So fuck, you!”
And with that, Castiel about turned and helped the other Dean away from the crowd and up to his cabin, all the way ignoring the angered shouts from his Dean, demanding that he come back cause they weren’t finished.
But Castiel was sick of it.
He was a warrior, had been for millennium, and so he understood the need to destroy one’s enemy, to beat the shit out of them. However, he just couldn’t wrap his head around why Dean felt the need to do the same to his allies.
“You didn’t have to do that,” Dean said as they hobbled up the steps.
“He would’ve killed you,” Castiel told him.
“I know.”
Castiel looked at him out of the corner of his eye, wondering why this Dean, who had seemed to full of fight mere hours ago, was so depressed and docile now. However, he made no further mention of it as he led him inside, past the sleeping forms still on the bed and into his bathroom.
“You’ve been busy,” Dean said as he was placed on the toilet seat.
Castiel snorted in amusement as he reached into the small cabinet under the sink and pulled out a rather full first aid kit.
“You want to tell me what that was all about anyway?” Castiel asked him as he filled the sink with hot water.
Dean laughed slightly, “You,” he told him.
Castiel raised an eyebrow at him, “Me?”
“I wanted to know what happened to you,” Dean explained, “How he could let you just destroy yourself like this.”
“Could be,” Castiel said as he began to clean the blood off his face, “Because he was too busy destroying himself.”
“And neither of you tried to be there for each other?” Dean asked him, “You didn’t try to comfort each other or nothin?”
“Oh we comforted each other,” Castiel nodded, “Repeatedly if I remember correctly.”
Castiel smiled to himself when he noticed when Dean realised what he was talking about, the unbruised flesh of his cheeks blushing while he shifted slightly in his seat.
“But, as you know, you can be a bit of a commitment-phobe and add that with trying to deal with the fact that your brother said ‘yes’ to Lucifer, while your lover is trying to get used to the idea that he can never go home, that his family has disowned him, forgot all about him and left him to rot in purgatory… then it makes for a bit of a mess.”
“You were lovers?” Dean asked.
Castiel nodded as he placed a couple of small butterfly stitches on his face, “For about six months. Then we started to hate each other, and well… now we barely tolerate each other.”
Dean was quiet for a moment before speaking softly, “Some say that there’s a thin line between love and hate.”
Castiel tilted his head, his blue eyes (looking more sober than they had all week) bored into his own, “And just who says that?”
“Sam,” Dean said, “You.”
Castiel continued to stare at him for a moment before standing up straight and began to tidy away the first aid kit, “He’s never told me he loved me,” he said, “I have, I told him many times. But never once did he say, ‘Cas, I love you’.”
Dean watched him closely for a moment, not sure what to say to that.
“Do me a favour Dean,” Castiel said as he turned back to him, “You ever get back to your own time, your own Castiel, tell him you love him.”
“But we’re not…”
“You will be,” Castiel told him, “And he needs to hear it. He has no one else to share his love with, only you and he needs you to love him back.”
~*~*~*~*~*~
Dean had been back from his little trip into the future for just over a week now. And in that week, he had hardly seen Castiel.
After he had snatched him from the hands of Zachariah, they had exchanged a brief hug in which Dean made Castiel promise that he would never change, before they headed off to get the Impala and drive to meet Sam.
However, when they reached the meeting point, Castiel waited for Dean to get out of the car before leaving. Dean had been both surprised and a little hurt at that, but knew that it was just how Castiel worked, that he didn’t know to say ‘I’ll call you in a couple of days’ or to even say ‘See you later’. He had however received a text telling him that he’d meet them soon.
Sam had been quieter than usual, spending lots of time on his laptop and being well, rather withdrawn. Dean knew better than to try and force him be ‘best buds’ with him again, to try and go back to the way things were, cause they could never go back to that. Whatever kind of relationship they had now, it was completely new and would take a while for them both to get used to.
At the moment, Sam was out, leaving him on his own again. He’d said he was going to the library and that he might go watch a movie or something after. He did ask Dean if he wanted to join him, but Dean declined. He didn’t really like going to the movies. There was something awfully claustrophobic about sitting in the dark in those confining chairs. And while he didn’t like to admit it, he had developed a little bit of claustrophobia since the day he woke up in A COFFIN!
He was tempted to go to a bar, actually. To go out and get drunk. But he neither had the money nor the energy. So instead, he stayed in the motel room, intent on cleaning his guns and watching some Dr Sexy on the TV.
However, his plans were rudely interrupted after a half hour when his phone rang. It was Castiel asking for his location. As soon as he had given it, Castiel was standing in front of him, blocking his view of the TV.
“Cas?” he asked as Castiel looked down at him, “You okay?”
Castiel shook his head slightly (hardly noticeable actually) before looking around the room, “Where is Sam?” he asked.
“Oh he just went out for a bit. He’ll be back later though,” Dean explained, knowing that Castiel was worried that they’d had another fight.
Castiel nodded, “What are you doing?” he asked.
“Cleaning my guns,” Dean told him.
“Do you um… do you need help?” Castiel asked, and Dean couldn’t help but notice the look of hope in his eyes.
“Yeah sure,” Dean nodded. He made to get Castiel to sit down next to him, but soon realised there wasn’t room on the bed so slid to the floor, patting the space next to him.
Castiel dropped down onto the floor, crossing his legs in front of him in much the same way that human Castiel had done while talking to his harem.
“You ever cleaned a gun before?” Dean asked as he grabbed his sawn off.
“No,” Castiel admitted, “But I have seen it done many times.”
“Okay, so you know that the gun needs to come apart right?”
Castiel looked at him as if he was speaking another language and so with a small roll of his eyes Dean reached back over the bed and grabbed a small handgun.
“Let’s start you off with this,” he said as he handed it to Castiel.
He then directed Castiel’s hands to show him how to take it apart, unsurprised when Castiel managed to do it flawlessly as if he’d been doing it all his life as Dean had. Giving him an approving grin, Dean then showed him how to clean each part properly, all the while explaining why (just like his Dad had done with him) before telling him to put it back together again.
They carried on like that for a while, Dean giving Castiel the smaller guns to clean while he concentrated on the shotguns, the more important guns.
“I can see why you enjoy this,” Castiel said after a while.
“Yeah?” Dean asked.
“Yes, it’s very therapeutic,” Castiel explained, “And necessary. Should I ever require the need of a gun, I will now be able to look after it properly.”
Dean stopped in his cleaning and looked at Castiel, noticing the terribly sad look in his eyes as he concentrated on the small gun lying in pieces on his lap, the way his shoulders seemed to droop in defeat and he realised, that Castiel wasn’t talking about using a gun while he was still an angel as angels had no need for a gun, but he was talking about if he were to become human.
“Cas,” Dean said softly as he turned and put a hand on his knee, “You okay?”
Castiel sighed, “I’m fine Dean,” he told him as he picked up the parts and started putting the gun back together.
“No, no you’re not,” Dean said.
Castiel lay the now assembled gun on the floor next to the others before looking up at Dean, “I… I feel my grace diminishing more and more every day,” he said, so quietly that Dean struggled to hear him, “The only thing at the moment that does not seem to be a problem is flying, but I… I get tired and feel like I should rest. I shouldn’t feel the need to rest. That is a human trait.”
Dean didn’t say anything, didn’t interrupt him instead just slid his hand across his lap and took hold of Castiel’s, not at all surprised to feel him grip back tightly.
“I am slowly becoming human,” he said, “Six months from now, I’ll be all but useless. I won’t be able to fight the same way, won’t be able to help you and Sam battle against Lucifer. I will be useless. And then you will go off to fight and I will be… I’ll be on my own. For the first time in my life, I’ll be on my own and that terrifies me.”
“No Cas,” Dean said making the angel look up at him slightly, “So what if you become human and can no longer kill demons with your bare hands, so what if you can’t fly anymore or zap us back and forward to the past. Me and Sam can’t do any of that shit and we’re okay right. We fight.”
“Yes but…”
“I’m not finished,” Dean interrupted, “I’ve seen you fight hand to hand, you know what you’re doing and that’s not the kind of thing you forget just because you’re becoming human. And me and Sam aren’t just gonna leave you. You’re important to us, to me.”
“Why?”
Dean reached up and cupped Castiel’s jaw, “How could you not know?” he asked, receiving a small shrug in reply, “Not only do you know so many important things that me and Sam and not even Bobby can begin to imagine knowing but I…” he cut himself off, unsure if he should say it or not, but then he remembered what future Castiel had said to him, the dead look in his eyes every time he had looked at his future self and he knew he wouldn’t ever be able to survive it if his Castiel ever looked at him like that, “I need you,” he told him, “I love you.”
“You love me?” Castiel asked in complete shock.
Dean nodded, a slight blush coming up on his cheeks, “Yeah,” he said, “I do. Didn’t really plan on it, but you got under my skin and I… I care about you. More than I thought possible for someone who’s not a blood relation. And I… won’t leave you on your own. Ever.”
Castiel nodded, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth and knowing what Dean knew about the other Dean and Castiel, he knew what he was about to do would be okay… or at least he hoped.
He used his hold on Castiel’s jaw to tilt his head up and moved in, capturing his lips in a soft kiss. He felt Castiel stiffen slightly, but it was more out of surprise than anything else.
“Dean I…” Castiel started, his hand holding on painfully tight to Dean’s.
“We don’t have to do anything,” Dean said, stroking a hand through his hair, “I’m not going to push you into something you’re not ready for. Made that mistake once already at the whore house.”
Castiel let out a small laugh at that, that made Dean’s heart burn so hard that it felt like it was going to burst into flames.
“But I am ready,” Castiel told him, “I always have been ready… for you.”
Dean felt his breath quicken as he realised what Castiel was saying to him. True, he had just declared his love for him (which wasn’t as scary as he thought it would’ve been), but he hadn’t actually thought about the physical aspect of that love… well, he had a little bit… okay, so he’d thought about it a lot. Still. That didn’t mean he was any less terrified.
“If you don’t want to…” Castiel begun, but Dean stopped him from saying any more by placing his fingers over his lips.
“I want to,” he told him quietly.
The smile that Castiel bestowed upon him then, set his whole body alight, making him realise that he never ever wanted to see a frown on that face again and was going to do his damndest to make it so.
Returning his smile, he leaned forward and kissed him again, only this time, tilting Castiel’s head back so he could deepen the kiss, pouring all the love and devotion he could into it. Castiel automatically submitted to him, falling back against the bed while gripping tight to Dean’s denim clad hips.
Not wanting to break the kiss, Dean followed him, his body twisted awkwardly so that he could keep their lips attached.
As Castiel rested back against the hard base of the bed, Dean let his hand trail down Castiel’s body, his fingers feeling their way over four different kinds of material… and that’s when he decided that Castiel needed to lose some layers.
Reluctantly pulling back from the kiss, he moved to straddle Castiel’s hips before quickly yet gently pushed Castiel’s trench coat and jacket off his shoulders. He then immediately unbuttoned his shirt, pushing the material aside to reveal smooth, white skin.
As Dean smiled and leaned back in for more kisses, Castiel reached up to undo his tie. Dean looked down and watched as his deft fingers loosened the knot and dropped it to the floor, leaving his throat exposed and just begging to be licked. And so Dean did.
He dipped his head and softly flicked his tongue over Castiel’s Adam’s apple while he slipped his hand up, resting it just over his own amulet, which he had to admit looked unbelievably hot on the angel.
While he paid attention to the soft skin of Castiel’s throat, Castiel’s hands slowly slid up Dean’s legs to rest on his hips, where he began to tug on the soft material of his t-shirt.
Looking down with an amused smile, Dean lifted his hands and allowed Castiel to pull his t-shirt up and over his head. A part of him was a little bit nervous to be naked in front of Castiel, not that he hadn’t seen him in such a state before, but this was different, this was… intimate. However, the way in which Castiel looked at him, the way he trailed his hand down over his chest and stomach made him lose any nerves he had and have them replaced by more lustful emotions.
From that moment on, it was all a bit of a blur, roaming hands and wet kisses as they explored each other’s bodies as best they could in the cramped space they had worked themselves into.
Eventually though, as Dean felt Castiel buck up against him, he knew they had to take things further before they both exploded.
He slid back on Castiel’s legs a little and reached forward with shaky hands to unfasten his belt and work those dark slacks off his slim hips. Castiel watched him closely, not taking his eyes off his hands for one moment, not until Dean paused, his fingers teasingly playing with the waistband of his underwear.
“Please Dean,” Castiel whispered, “Please.”
Something about the needy whine to Castiel’s voice turned Dean the hell on, and he wanted nothing more than to hear it as often as was possible. However, if the look in Castiel’s eyes was anything to go by, he wouldn’t be able to wait much longer for Dean to touch him, and so he pushed his hand inside his underwear, curled it around his swollen cock and just held him.
Castiel gasped loudly, his head falling back against the bed slightly while his hands held on for dear life to Dean’s thighs.
Dean smiled triumphantly to himself as he leaned forward and pulled Castiel into a lingering kiss, his lips soft and wet against his own. Castiel pushed up, returning the kiss with as much force as he could as Dean began to move his hand.
Castiel gasped into his mouth, breathing hard as he pushed forward, invading Dean’s space, but Dean didn’t care. He loved feeling Castiel’s hands on him, his breath mixing with his own and the feel of his baby soft hair brushing against his forehead. God he was just intoxicating.
As Dean sped up his hand, Castiel began to make a soft mewling type noise, his hips bucking involuntarily and his grip on Dean’s legs getting tighter and tighter. If that wasn’t a big enough warning sign to Dean that they were reaching the end, then the quietly whispered Enochian surely was. He pulled his head back a little, looking down at Castiel and watching his face as his entire body shook, his orgasm washing through him and making his entire being ripple with pleasure.
It was the most amazing thing Dean had ever seen.
He watched closely as Castiel collapsed back against the bed, his hold on him loosening before he slowly opened his eyes.
“Alright?” Dean asked, a little worried by Castiel’s silence that he might have broken him.
Castiel nodded slightly before his eyes flicked from Dean’s to his crotch (and still evidently hard cock) and back to his face. Dean looked down too, not entirely sure what to do about it. Sure, a handjob would be nice, but in his experience, virgin handjobs were usually awkward, bordering on painful. Same went for blowjobs.
“Would you like to make love?” Castiel asked him, his usually pale white skin, flushed in the most beautiful way.
“I uh…”
Castiel reached up and cupped Dean’s face, “Please. I want you to,” he said.
Dean nodded, “Okay,” he said as he pulled his hand free and climbed off of Castiel, “But not on the floor. No one deserves to lose their virginity on a mouldy motel room carpet.”
Castiel smiled at him, his eyes twinkling with humour, “Then where?”
Dean looked at the bed. It was still covered in guns and assorted weaponry and as much as he wanted to just sweep them all off the bed, he knew better than to do that just in case one of them was still loaded. Then he looked at Sam’s bed. It was perfectly made and just had his overnight bag on it. But it was Sam’s bed. It would be weird and he’d not be able to enjoy himself.
Coming to his decision, he turned to Castiel, “Turn around,” he told him.
Castiel did as he was told, turning on his knees to face the bed, resting his elbows on the mattress. As he did that, Dean stood up and made his way over to his bag, grabbing the small tube of lubricant he had bought upon his return (just in case) before kneeling behind him once more.
He placed the tube on the bed next to Castiel’s elbow as he reached down and pushed Castiel’s underwear and pants as far down his thighs as they would go, trying not to get too distracted by the perfect roundness of his ass, how, just like the rest of him was smooth and soft to touch.
Castiel shivered under his attention, his hands fisting at the bed spread slightly, his head bowed and struggling to maintain steady breathing.
“You’re beautiful,” Dean whispered into his ear, making him shiver some more.
And then Dean was unbuckling his belt and pushing his jeans and underwear off his own hips, freeing his aching cock from its confines. However as he made to grab the lubricant, he was surprised to come face to face with a pair of deep blue eyes.
“Can I touch you?” Castiel asked.
Dean gulped hard before nodding. Castiel turned a little, twisting his body as he tentively reaching out with a shaky hand to wrap around Dean. As soon as his fingers connected with him, Dean felt his head spinning, slightly over come by the intensity of it all.
Castiel trailed his fingers up and down him softly and Dean had to lean on the bed to stop himself from falling over.
Eventually, getting his wits about him, he opened his eyes again and gripped onto Castiel’s wrist.
“Did I do something wrong?” Castiel asked him, a look of utter concern in his eyes.
“No,” Dean said with a shake of his head, “God no. But I… wouldn’t have lasted long enough for us to, for us to make love.”
“Oh.”
Dean nodded, “Yup. Oh,” he said, allowing Castiel to kiss him again before he turned his back on him once more.
Taking a deep breath, Dean calmed himself down before taking hold of the lubricant. He spread some over himself first, making sure that every part of him was covered before turning to Castiel. Sliding forward slightly, he trailed his hand up and under his shirt, feeling the soft, strong flesh under his hand before he slipped it round his waist and held him flush against his chest. Then gently he slid his other hand down and in between Castiel’s cheeks and began to prepare him.
Castiel jumped a little at first, obviously not having been expecting it, but it wasn’t long before he was pushing back against Dean and muttering ‘please’ over and over again. But Dean ignored him, wanting to make sure he was completely ready before he lost all control of himself. It was bad enough that they couldn’t do it in the bed, he didn’t want to hurt him on top of that.
Eventually though, when Castiel began to more or less fuck his fingers, Dean realised he was as ready as he was ever going to be and pulled his hand free.
“Give me your hand,” he whispered against his jaw.
Castiel let go of the bed and reached up with his right hand to hold onto Dean’s left that was still wrapped tight around his body. Dean held on tight to it as he used his now free hand to guide himself inside.
Castiel began muttering in Enochian again, only this time it was more clipped and so Dean could only guess that it was some form of swearing, and that made him smile. However it didn’t last for long as Castiel clenched around him, making him yell as he almost lost control.
Face buried in Castiel’s neck, he took a couple of deep breaths, calming himself down before he began to move.
They started off slow, Dean taking his time trying to savour every moment while letting Castiel enjoy it just as much as he was. He held onto Castiel’s hip with his free hand, using it to guide his movement… not that he needed it as it seemed Castiel was a quick learner.
As Castiel began to push back against him, meeting every one of his thrusts with his own, their movements inevitably sped up, Dean all but hammering into him as he did so. All was quiet in the room save for their soft grunts and gasps for air and the sound of Dean’s belt buckle jingling with every thrust. It was the hottest sound Dean had ever heard.
“Dean,” Castiel gasped, both hands now gripping on tight to the arm that was wrapped around him. And Dean knew then, that Castiel was close to coming once more.
He sped up his movements, the shirt on Castiel’s back creating a delightful friction against his bare chest as he did so. He didn’t think he’d be able to look at another cotton shirt without getting hard ever again.
As Dean felt his orgasm creep up on him, Castiel started up with the Enochian again, both of them clinging on as tight as they could to each other’s bodies before pleasure swept through them, Castiel pushing as hard as he could back onto Dean while Dean tried to bury himself as deep inside Castiel as he could go.
They clung to each other, neither of them willing to pull apart and break their connection. However, gravity had a way of ruining many things and Dean soon slipped from Castiel’s body. Placing a kiss on the back of Castiel’s neck, Dean stood up, lifting Castiel with him.
“Come on,” he said, “Let’s go get cleaned up.”
Dean took hold of his hand and led him into the bathroom. As he turned on the tap and waited for the hot water to heat up, he couldn’t help but notice that Castiel’s ass cheeks were a little red from where the denim of his jeans had repeatedly rubbed against him. Knowing that it probably hurt, he promised himself that he would kiss it better later.
“Will you promise me something?” Dean said as he grabbed a washcloth and soaked it.
“Anything,” Castiel said.
“No matter what our future holds, no matter what mean things I might say to you, always remember that I love you and that I need you.”
Castiel stared at him, a curious look in his eyes before he finally nodded and pulled Dean down for a quick kiss, “I promise.”
Dean smiled, “Good,” he said, “Now turn around.”
THE END