[Fic] And Then The Sun Will Shine (R) for 9_of_clubs
Gift type: Fanfic
Title: And Then The Sun Will Shine
Author: adictd2life
Recipient: 9_of_clubs
Rating: R
Warnings: Kind of dark, some torture, use of drugs
Spoilers: The End (kinda), S5 in general (really general terms)
Summary: You can’t always get what you want. But this is finally all Castiel’s ever wanted.
Author notes: I hope this works.
The day the world ends, the sun is shining. The world keeps on spinning and all Castiel has left are the broken shards.
Sam is gone. Dean is gone and Castiel has nothing left. But he can’t even be granted the mercy of death.
The first few days were the easiest. Chuck was there. Bobby was there. And they looked at him with those expressions of pity. But they were there. Chuck had said that it wasn’t meant to be like this.
Something had gone wrong. Horribly wrong.
He thinks about his decision to rebel and he wonders if maybe that was the wrong choice. He’s had a lot of choices. But then he remembers Dean. Maybe it was worth it, after all.
The sun is burning, and all he can see are dark colors. He finds the pills in Bobby’s top drawer and he doesn’t say a word. They stay in his pocket for a couple days. He’s seen what they can do.
Bobby dies. He survived the apocalypse. He didn’t survive the pain.
On the sixth day he takes them. No one notices, anyways. The days go by quicker, and even though the pain doesn’t go away, he feels it a little less with the pills. So this is what Chuck felt with the alcohol. He understands everything better, now.
The days grow older and mundane. Castiel sees the way Chuck looks at him. He doesn’t feel shame. In fact, he doesn’t care at all. When Chuck approaches him for the first time, Castiel leaves. He doesn’t come back.
Castiel does what Dean would have called ‘living a little.’ Everything is better. Maybe it’s an illusion, but he can’t really bring himself to care anymore. This is his life, now. He can accept that and he sure as hell can enjoy it.
The attack takes him by surprise. He’d been getting rusty at this whole angel deal. Or maybe he should call himself a hunter. He stopped being an angel a long time ago.
He’s captured. They keep him locked in a room for three days. He doesn’t even try to escape. He briefly hopes for the end. Maybe death will come to him, now.
Then the man comes; the man with the green eyes and Castiel’s heart stops for a moment.Then he’s tortured by the man with green eyes; the man with a knife. It must be fate’s cruel joke to him.
It’s not the last time it happens.
The man he used to know stands in front of him, a blade gleaning in the light. Castiel doesn’t bother suppressing his flinch.
Dean Winchester steps forward and presses the knife against Castiel’s cheek, with the cold edge against his skin.
“So beautiful,” murmurs Dean. Castiel closes his eyes briefly. He wants to pull away. He doesn’t.
Castiel can feel his heart beating faster, can feel it pounding hard against his ribs.
“Do it,” Castiel whispers harshly. He tries to keep his voice steady but fails. He’s come to realize how much of a failure he truly is.
The man in front of him snorts. “No… I don’t think so.”
Dean presses close to Castiel and he wishes he could move away. He wishes he could stop his traitorous body, but before he can even stop himself, Cas is leaning forward. He’s moaning into him.
“You want me, don’t ya?” Dean whispers against his ear. His breath makes Castiel shiver.
Dean doesn’t wait for a response. He’s pressing his lips forward. He’s pulling Cas in, and for a moment Castiel can forget everything. He can pretend. He’s always been good at it.
Their bodies are crashing together, hard. Castiel gasps. His body feels like it’s on fire. He’s gasping, tugging their clothes off. Dean’s pulling him forward, pressing his lips to Castiel’s again.
This is the way Castiel remembers it. Before.
The way Dean is supposed to feel. Hot against his skin, like a thousand scorching suns. So hot Castiel feels like he’s on fire.
He jerks his hips forward and loves the gasp he hears. Dean’s fingernails are digging into his skin. He loves it. This, Castiel thinks, is how it’s meant to be. How it should be.
Castiel arches into Dean’s touch, clamoring for more. Dean pushes him down roughly, and moves to straddle his hips. Dean’s tugging his shirt off, and then his pants are gone, until he’s bare before Dean.
The glint in Dean’s eyes is unmistakable. He’s lurching forward again, into Castiel.
Suddenly the knife is back, and Dean’s pressing it against his chest, but only hard enough to draw blood. He moans. The pleasure mixes with the pain. Maybe Cas does have a thing for pain, after all.
Dean’s grinding into him. His eyes are closed. Skin against skin. The world explodes into colors. He remembers the time Dean and him used to spend out in the impala just watching the sun set.
Castiel wants to cry.
“Say it,” Dean whispers harshly.
Castiel lets out a cry, but he doesn’t say a word.
Dean leaves when it’s over. He never stays. Castiel has learned not to expect it anymore. He’s learned a lot of things, actually.
He’s back in the room. It’s dark and cold. The sun isn’t shining. He feels the ache come back; like a hole in his chest. Most days usually meld together. Maybe he’s been here for years, maybe for weeks.
He thinks about the past.
Sam said yes and Dean stayed. He became the man Sam or Lucifer, Castiel doesn’t even know anymore, wanted him to be. It was a man Castiel couldn’t recognize. But still the man he yearned for. The man he wanted this very moment.
It was the man Castiel was going to say yes to. He had never been able to say no to Dean Winchester. This would not be the exception.
When he whispers the words, he wonders if the sun will shine again.
The light in Dean’s eyes will have to be enough and that’s all he’s ever wanted.
Title: And Then The Sun Will Shine
Author: adictd2life
Recipient: 9_of_clubs
Rating: R
Warnings: Kind of dark, some torture, use of drugs
Spoilers: The End (kinda), S5 in general (really general terms)
Summary: You can’t always get what you want. But this is finally all Castiel’s ever wanted.
Author notes: I hope this works.
The day the world ends, the sun is shining. The world keeps on spinning and all Castiel has left are the broken shards.
Sam is gone. Dean is gone and Castiel has nothing left. But he can’t even be granted the mercy of death.
The first few days were the easiest. Chuck was there. Bobby was there. And they looked at him with those expressions of pity. But they were there. Chuck had said that it wasn’t meant to be like this.
Something had gone wrong. Horribly wrong.
He thinks about his decision to rebel and he wonders if maybe that was the wrong choice. He’s had a lot of choices. But then he remembers Dean. Maybe it was worth it, after all.
The sun is burning, and all he can see are dark colors. He finds the pills in Bobby’s top drawer and he doesn’t say a word. They stay in his pocket for a couple days. He’s seen what they can do.
Bobby dies. He survived the apocalypse. He didn’t survive the pain.
On the sixth day he takes them. No one notices, anyways. The days go by quicker, and even though the pain doesn’t go away, he feels it a little less with the pills. So this is what Chuck felt with the alcohol. He understands everything better, now.
The days grow older and mundane. Castiel sees the way Chuck looks at him. He doesn’t feel shame. In fact, he doesn’t care at all. When Chuck approaches him for the first time, Castiel leaves. He doesn’t come back.
Castiel does what Dean would have called ‘living a little.’ Everything is better. Maybe it’s an illusion, but he can’t really bring himself to care anymore. This is his life, now. He can accept that and he sure as hell can enjoy it.
The attack takes him by surprise. He’d been getting rusty at this whole angel deal. Or maybe he should call himself a hunter. He stopped being an angel a long time ago.
He’s captured. They keep him locked in a room for three days. He doesn’t even try to escape. He briefly hopes for the end. Maybe death will come to him, now.
Then the man comes; the man with the green eyes and Castiel’s heart stops for a moment.Then he’s tortured by the man with green eyes; the man with a knife. It must be fate’s cruel joke to him.
It’s not the last time it happens.
The man he used to know stands in front of him, a blade gleaning in the light. Castiel doesn’t bother suppressing his flinch.
Dean Winchester steps forward and presses the knife against Castiel’s cheek, with the cold edge against his skin.
“So beautiful,” murmurs Dean. Castiel closes his eyes briefly. He wants to pull away. He doesn’t.
Castiel can feel his heart beating faster, can feel it pounding hard against his ribs.
“Do it,” Castiel whispers harshly. He tries to keep his voice steady but fails. He’s come to realize how much of a failure he truly is.
The man in front of him snorts. “No… I don’t think so.”
Dean presses close to Castiel and he wishes he could move away. He wishes he could stop his traitorous body, but before he can even stop himself, Cas is leaning forward. He’s moaning into him.
“You want me, don’t ya?” Dean whispers against his ear. His breath makes Castiel shiver.
Dean doesn’t wait for a response. He’s pressing his lips forward. He’s pulling Cas in, and for a moment Castiel can forget everything. He can pretend. He’s always been good at it.
Their bodies are crashing together, hard. Castiel gasps. His body feels like it’s on fire. He’s gasping, tugging their clothes off. Dean’s pulling him forward, pressing his lips to Castiel’s again.
This is the way Castiel remembers it. Before.
The way Dean is supposed to feel. Hot against his skin, like a thousand scorching suns. So hot Castiel feels like he’s on fire.
He jerks his hips forward and loves the gasp he hears. Dean’s fingernails are digging into his skin. He loves it. This, Castiel thinks, is how it’s meant to be. How it should be.
Castiel arches into Dean’s touch, clamoring for more. Dean pushes him down roughly, and moves to straddle his hips. Dean’s tugging his shirt off, and then his pants are gone, until he’s bare before Dean.
The glint in Dean’s eyes is unmistakable. He’s lurching forward again, into Castiel.
Suddenly the knife is back, and Dean’s pressing it against his chest, but only hard enough to draw blood. He moans. The pleasure mixes with the pain. Maybe Cas does have a thing for pain, after all.
Dean’s grinding into him. His eyes are closed. Skin against skin. The world explodes into colors. He remembers the time Dean and him used to spend out in the impala just watching the sun set.
Castiel wants to cry.
“Say it,” Dean whispers harshly.
Castiel lets out a cry, but he doesn’t say a word.
Dean leaves when it’s over. He never stays. Castiel has learned not to expect it anymore. He’s learned a lot of things, actually.
He’s back in the room. It’s dark and cold. The sun isn’t shining. He feels the ache come back; like a hole in his chest. Most days usually meld together. Maybe he’s been here for years, maybe for weeks.
He thinks about the past.
Sam said yes and Dean stayed. He became the man Sam or Lucifer, Castiel doesn’t even know anymore, wanted him to be. It was a man Castiel couldn’t recognize. But still the man he yearned for. The man he wanted this very moment.
It was the man Castiel was going to say yes to. He had never been able to say no to Dean Winchester. This would not be the exception.
When he whispers the words, he wonders if the sun will shine again.
The light in Dean’s eyes will have to be enough and that’s all he’s ever wanted.