Ciernan

[deandratb]

Title: Ciernan
Author: deandratb
Rating: PG-13, possibly.
Author's Note: This is based in an AU world I created, so if things are cryptic please have patience. No fandom was involved in the writing of this piece, and any similarities are a huge compliment.

Comments

[transitiongodin]

This is good.
I enjoyed the character a lot! And I love the new glimpse into your imagination.
A few of the sentences are a bit choppy and one or tow need punctuation in the correct place, but other than that its written so well!
It is also a great prompt-wise piece!
Thanks for sharing.

-Leander

[deandratb]

Thanks very much! :)

I'm glad you enjoyed the character.

-me

[mistvieh]

Nice piece -- I actually didn't find it cryptic at all, though I do not know what 'AU' is. So that might have something to do with it.

I like your journal header -- I can see that isn't her role as Nancy Botwin, so which role is it?

[deandratb]

Thank you! :)

AU is "alternate universe", it just means it's not set in the real world.

My header images are actually from a random photo shoot. Thanks very much for the header compliment!!

[anduial]

I got a very strong Romeo and Juliet feeling from this! I liked it! :)

[ephemeralbreath]

I really liked the beginning and end of this story, especially how it's an "age-old story," and it really is.

I feel like your sentences are really choppy because of how often you use dashes--they should be used sparingly to emphasize what you're trying to say.

Overall, I really like your writing style, though I felt the story moved a little bit fast for its topic (romance). I think you may enjoy writing something a bit longer and slower-moving.