Crave - Part 4
Title: Crave - WIP - Part 4
Author: Mica Monroe & Deans Dark Dream
Pairing: Sam/Dean, Dean/Dax, mentions of Sam/Ruby
Rating: NC17
Warning: slash, love, crave, hurt, comfort, angst
Disclaimer: We own nothing and intend no harm.
Summary: AU Dean Winchester has become an international modeling sensation at the side of super model Dax. Dean's heart still yearns for his brother but Sam remains unattainable. Dean wants more than anything to be loved. Will he open his heart to another man to experience the love he craves?
A/N: Hang in there Wincest fans. Sometimes it's a long and winding road to find your way back home. Hugs Mica & Dare
Crave
It was a Sunday night and John was watching Heartbreak Ridge on cable when the phone rang. John answered it and said hello.
“Dad! How are you?” Dean asked.
“Dean, it's good to hear your voice, kiddo! Are you back in LA from Rio?”
“Yeah. We got back last night. I'm still suffering from jet lag. How are Sam, Bobby and Missouri? Please tell em hi for me.”
“Sam's got himself a new gal named Ruby. She's a little spitfire and keeps him on his toes. Bobby's been ordering these ancient books off the internet and spends hours pouring over them. Go figure! Missouri just became grandma for the sixth time and she is tickled pink. I've been dating Ellen Harvelle and things are going right smooth between us.”
“Wow! Dad, I'm so happy to hear that! Ellen is a great lady. Tell Missouri congratulations on the new grand baby! You'll have to find out more about those books Bobby has been getting. You know how curious I am! I have to know what he's up to. So Sam's happy with the new girl?” Dean tried to keep the ache out of his voice as he asked the last question.
“He must be. He moved in with her on Friday. The house has been awful quiet. I've taken to letting old Duke come in and sit with me of an evening when I'm not out with Ellen.”
“Dad, I'm sorry but my agent is ringing in. I've got to go. Love you.” Dean said.
“Love you too, son.” John said and heard his youngest son hang up.
Dean curled up on his side and pulled his knees up to his chest. The tears were rolling down his cheeks freely now. Sam was in love and living with a girl. The pain in his heart choked his breath as he cried until he fell asleep.
Dean heard his phone ringing and groaned as he tried to wake up and find it. He was supposed to have the next couple of days off. The past month had been a blur for him and he needed to rest and get his head on straight. Dean finally got his hands on his phone and answered it.
“Hello.”
“Hey De, it's Dax. I was wondering if you'd like to come over today. We could swim, chill, just talk. Whatever you want.” Dax had never invited anyone over to his home. He hoped his nervousness and uncertainty didn't show in his voice. He didn't want Dean to think he was a freak even if it was true.
“We've practically been living in each other's pockets for the last month. I figured you wouldn't want to see my face again so soon. Should I bring any food or drinks with me?” Dean said with a smile, pleased that Dax had invited him over.
“I think I've got everything covered.” Dax gave Dean directions how to get to his home, “When should I expect you?”
“I'll be over about 1:30. See ya soon, Dax.” Dean said with a smile.
“See ya then, Bye, Dean.” Dax said and set the phone down with an unsteady hand. He took a deep breath to calm his nerves and went to figure out what he was going to wear.
Dean arrived about five minutes early and took his time looking at the lovely landscaping in Dax's large yard. He finally stepped up to the front door and rang the bell. Dax had been hovering close to the entryway for the past fifteen minutes waiting for Dean to arrive. He swung the door open and greeted Dean with a brilliant smile. Dean was once again overwhelmed by the sheer beauty of the man in front of him. He had thought he would get over that after awhile, but it hadn't happened yet. He gave Dax a huge happy grin as they said there hellos. Dax was wearing cream colored Calvin Klein cargo sorts and a coordinating baby blue chambray shirt unbuttoned so his chest peeked through. Dean was wearing khaki shorts and a jade green polo shirt that brought out his eyes. He followed Dax out to the pool area and they sat across from each other at a mosaic tiled table covered with an umbrella to keep off the sun.
“Would you like some fresh squeezed lemonade?” Dax asked gesturing towards a large glass pitcher on the table.
“That looks yummy. Thanks! You have a gorgeous place here, Dax. The gardens and landscaping are amazing!” Dean said as he looked around the grounds past the large pool.
“I prefer my place in San Francisco. I consider it my real home. I only have this one cause of the modeling. One day, I'll move to San Fran for good and sell this place. Tinseltown is not for me, Dean. As soon as the modeling gig is up, I'm out of here.”
“What will you do in San Fran?” Dean asked curiously.
“I'll volunteer for some good causes, read some good books and live a quiet life.” Dax answered.
“Who are you gonna share your quiet life with? You have some lucky girl or guy in mind for that?” Dean asked with a grin.
“I suspect, I'll be living the quiet life all on my own.” Dax replied.
“You always do that! You never really answer the question about whether you prefer girls or guys or both! A lot of interviewers have tried to pin you down on that point and you always brush them off. I'm gay and I don't want to hide it anymore. I was in stealth mode for far too long growing up in the midwest. I want to be who I really am now. I want to be me.” Jensen said earnestly.
“I'm gay too, Dean. It's just harder for me to admit it.” Dax said softly looking down at the mosaic table top.
“How come you don't have a boyfriend? I mean you are the hottest guy in the world. Are you holding out for a guy as perfect as you? Cause that's not gonna happen.”
“If you'll tell my why you don't have a boyfriend, I'll tell you why I don't.” Dax said in a solemn tone as he looked into Dean's large deep green eyes.
Dean sensed this was a pivotal moment. His friendship with Dax was growing and this exchange of their personal truth would either make it flourish or send it into dormancy.
“Quid pro quo huh? I can deal with that. I'm in love with a man, I can't have. He was my first and only lover when I was sixteen and he was twenty one. I wanted to be with him forever but he didn't feel the same way. He didn't want me. I'm still in love with him and I don't feel right dating another guy. I get so damn horny sometimes, I think I'm gonna lose my mind! I just don't want to let go but I know someday, I'll have to.” Dean said with a lump in his throat as he thought about Sam living with a girl.
Dax reached across the table and put his hand over Dean's comfortingly. “Dean, whoever that guy is, he doesn't deserve you. You are the most amazing guy I've ever met. If he can't see that, then he's blind. You deserve to be with someone who appreciates you and adores you.”
“Thanks, Dax, but you still have to answer my question.” Dean said softly as he smiled at the older man and squeezed his hand gently. He saw a deep sorrow darken Dax's ocean blue eyes.
“I'm going to share my truth with you, Dean, because I consider you the only true friend I've had in my entire life. You are the only person who hasn't tried to use me or seduce me. I trust you. I know you won't ever tell what I'm going to reveal to you to another living soul.” Dax stared into Dean's intense eyes and took a deep breath. “I was five years old and my parents were arguing. They argued a lot so I just stayed in my room and ignored it. My door flew open and my dad grabbed me. He had a horrible temper and I knew better than to resist. He drug me to the living room and tied me to a desk chair with an extension cord.” Dax's eyes had taken on a faraway look as he relived the event that had forever changed his life.
Dean gripped Dax's hand tighter. He knew whatever Dax was going to tell him was earth shattering and he barely dared to breath as he listened intently to his friend.
“He left me there and went down the hall. He dragged my mom back with him. She was yelling and threatening and hitting at him but it did no good. He was too big and strong. He sat her on her fave antique chair across from me and tied her like he had me. I called out to her and she called back to me.
My dad had been in rages before, but he'd never done anything like this! Mom started to plead with him. She tried to reason with him and calm him down. Suddenly, my dad had a gun in his hand. To this day, I don't know where the damned thing came from. He shot mom then he shot himself. They both died right in front of me. I screamed until I passed out. A neighbor heard the gunshots and screaming and called 911. I woke up in the hospital in shock. I still wake up screaming sometimes.
My grandmother took me in but she died when I was fifteen. I was put in foster care and the man sexually abused me. I tried to get someone to help me but no one would listen to me. No one would help me. I ran away and ended up in LA. My looks were all I had so I went to a bunch of modeling agencies and Top Models hired me. I have a lot of intimacy issues that I don't want known to the public so I don't have a boyfriend. That's my damage, Dean. I'd understand if you want to leave now.” Dax was looking down and trying to hold back a flood of tears.
Dean got up and walked around the table. He pulled Dax into his arms and held him tight. “I know saying I'm sorry doesn't ease any of the pain or make anything better but I am sorry that you had to live through all that, Dax. Now, let it out. I'll be right here holding you for as long as you need me.” Dean said sincerely.
Dax struggled a bit when Dean pulled him into his arms. He didn't like for people to touch him. Being touched brought too many bad memories, but as Dean held on tight, Dax felt himself relaxing in his embrace. Being held by Dean felt good and right to him. He brought his arms up and hugged Dean back as he let go and cried out his sorrow and anguish that had been a cold ache in his heart for many years.
Dean petted Dax's long blond hair and whispered soft comforting words to him as he cried. He had known from the first time he met the older blond that Dax wasn't the man the world perceived him to be. Now, Dean knew why Dax wore the mask of arrogance and entitlement that kept everyone at arms length. Dax was deeply wounded by his past and the mask was his way of protecting himself. Dean was sure that Dax had never revealed his real self to anyone before and he was honored and humbled that the older man had chosen him. He swore to himself that he would never make Dax regret that choice.
~*~
Sam was riding along the fence line at the ranch and thinking of how fucked up his life was. He had practically forced Dean out of his life because he couldn't handle having an incestuous relationship with him. Now Dean was becoming a world famous model and Sam feared he might never see him again. Why would Dean come back here after the way he had hurt him. His dreams were haunted by Dean. His thoughts were consumed by Dean. His life was empty and without meaning since Dean had left. Sam felt like he was just a machine running on auto pilot. He worked on the ranch, went out with friends and lived with Ruby but none of it ever touched him. He didn't feel any of it. He moved through his own life like a ghost as the clock ticked down the hours until he ceased to exist.
At the end of each work day on the ranch, Sam would go in the house and have a drink with his Dad. They would sit and talk about the old days when Dean was there and life was good. They both knew that Dean had been the heart of their home. He had held them together through every storm. Now they held each other together in his absence. They never said how much they missed him and wanted him to come home. They didn't have to, it was in every word and glance that passed between them. Sam wondered how the mind and body could live without the heart.
~*~
The last weekend of June was the Pride Parade in San Francisco that year. Dean and Dax were the Grand Marshalls of the Parade and had done some promo posters for the event. They were on a huge float provided by Cocksox for the occasion. Instead of shiny beads, they were tossing rainbow colored swim suits to the crowd. Behind them, several Cocksox boys were soaking each other with water guns and showing off the bikinis that Dean and Dax were throwing out to the throngs of revelers. Dean and Dax were wearing the new color block boxer briefs that were purple and yellow in the front and blue and orange over their pert buns. It was a gorgeous, sunny eighty degree day and they were having a fantastic time. When the parade ended, Dax took Dean to his house near the Presidio. He had a fabulous view of the San Francisco Bay that he shared with the younger blond.
Dax and Dean settled down on the sofa with iced tea to talk. “I got another call from Sera. She says we need to get girlfriends or boyfriends. She says there are some crazy rumors going around cause the two hottest studs on the planet seem to be monks in their private life. This issue has come up before and I always put her and Eric off but the are really pushing it this time.”
“I got one of those calls too and I've been thinking. Neither one of us really wants to be dating anyone right now. We have our reasons but we don't want the world to know those. I say we be each other's boyfriends. We like each other and already spend all our time together. I think the fans would eat that up and so will Sera and Eric. What do you think?”
“I think you're a genius! Course this means we'll have to kiss and hold hands and give each other sexy looks, to sell the premise. I haven't let anyone kiss me in a long time so we may have to practice that one.” Dax said looking a bit worried.
“Come here and kiss me ya big stud.” Dean said with a teasing glint in his eye.
Dax laughed and slid closer to Dean, then he gently cupped the younger man's face in his hands before leaning in to kiss him. When their lips met, neither of them was prepared for the electrical arc of desire that sent sensations pulsing along their nerve endings. Dax slipped his tongue between Dean's lips and explored him slowly and thoroughly. He was giving himself over to the desire that was building inside him. Dean's hands moved to trace over Dax's toned tanned torso. Soon, they were both moaning and hard in response to each other. Dax pulled away and stared into Dean's liquid jade eyes.
“Dean, I didn't expect this to happen.” He panted softly with wide eyes.
“My dad used to say never look a gift horse in the mouth. I always thought that was weird, until now. Whatever this is Dax, it's a gift. We should enjoy it.” Dean said and he leaned forward to kiss Dax again.
They managed to get each other's shirts off as the kiss deepened. Dax ran his hands over the naked expanse Dean's tanned bare chest. Dean pressed into the soft exploring fingers looking for more contact between them. Dean was rock hard and aching for attention. He boldly reached forward and unzipped Dax's shorts and started to push them down. Dax followed suit and unzipped Dean's khaki shorts. The older blond reached inside and and began to stroke the length of Dean's throbbing cock. Dean groaned and they ended the hot kiss for a moment.
“Let's get the rest of these clothes off. I need more of you, Dax.” Dean said urgently.
They kicked off their shorts and briefs and stood before each other looking deeply into each other's eyes. Dean reached for Dax's thick prick and began to stroke him. Dax closed his eyes and let his head fall back as he enjoyed the feeling of Dean's firm smooth movements. In a moment he reached forward and began to stroke Dean again in long smooth strokes. They continued to play with each other's cocks for a several minutes lost in the sensations they were sharing. Finally, Dean pulled his hand away and Dax looked at him questioningly.
“I have to taste you, Dax.” Dean said as he sank to his knees in front of his friend.
Dean grasped Dax's marble hard shaft and licked up the precome dripping from his slit. Dax gasped and buried his fingers in Dean's blond hair. Dean smiled up at him and Dax knew he was lost. Dean owned him and his life would never be the same. Dean swallowed Dax all the way down and hummed along the length of his thick rod.
“Oh, god, that's amazing!” Dax exclaimed as the extreme stimulation began to short circuit his brain.
Dean continued sucking, slurping and humming along the older blond's shaft for a few moments before pulling off. “Let's go to your bedroom.” Dean suggested.
Dax didn't trust his voice so he simply nodded and followed Dean there. He laid down on the bed and Dean climbed up and reversed his body over him. Dean took Dax deep inside his throat again and Dax returned the favor by taking Dean's thick throbbing prick into his mouth. The room was filled with the sounds of them sucking, slurping and humming along each other's cocks. Dean alternated between deep throating and stroking Dax's rigid tool. He knew Dax was close and he was too. It had been far too long since he'd felt this way and he was cherishing every moment. They soon exploded into each others mouths and worked each other hard to get out the last drops of salty sweet fluid. When they were both completely satisfied, they collapsed together on the bed.
“You are an awesome boyfriend, De.” Dax said with a dreamy happy smile on his face that made him even more beautiful.
“So are you. Now, who's up for round two.” Dean said with a wicked grin as he reached for Dax's cock.
~*~
Eric and Sera were over the moon with excitement over Dax and Dean's revelation that they were a couple. This news was gonna cause an international sensation and sell a lot of underwear. Cocksox was thrilled at the news and within a few weeks launched their new couples line of color coordinated boxers, briefs and bikinis. Photos of the gorgeous couple were featured in dozens of magazines and thousands of internet sights. Dean and Dax did a classic b&w nude photo shoot for Advocate Male that sold out nationwide in less than an hour of hitting the magazine racks.
Dean still called his dad every week to catch up on the news back home and share his own. John had been a bit surprised when Dean revealed that Dax was his boyfriend. He wasn't exactly sure how to respond to the news. As the months wore on, John became more used to the idea and talked more openly with his youngest son about his boyfriend. It was clear that Dax was important to Dean and John expressed his wish to meet him. Dean said he would think about that and get back to John later.
Later that evening, after Dean and Dax had finished dinner, Dean asked Dax if he'd like to meet his dad. Dean was really nervous cause he wasn't sure how the older blond would respond.
“Really, you want me to meet your dad. I'm honored, Dean. That's a huge deal.” Then he went silent for a moment. “What about that guy you're in love with?” Dax said with his head down.
Dean gently lifted up Dax's face to look at him. “Dax, I love you. I know I haven't said it before, but it's true. I didn't expect that to happen when this started but it did. That guy had his chance to be with me and he blew it. I'm with you now and I'm not gonna leave you.” Dean reassured Dax with a hot loving kiss.
~*~
Dean and Dax arrived on December 23rd late in the evening. John opened the door and pulled Dean into a bear hug that lifted him off the floor. He shook hands with Dax then ended up hugging him too. They all settled in the family room and talked for a couple of hours before going to bed. Tomorrow night, they'd be having Christmas dinner with Sam and Ruby. Dean hoped that the evening would pass without any drama and snuggled up closer to Dax.
Sam was anxious as he got dressed for Christmas dinner. He tried three different shirts and two different sweaters before he was satisfied. It had been eight months since he'd seen Dean and a lot had changed. He wondered how Dean would act towards him. Sam took extra time to style his hair the way Dean liked it in soft waves. He felt ridiculous preening like this was a date. He was going there with Ruby and Dean was with his boyfriend. He just wanted to look his best. He took a few deep calming breathes before he went out to the dining room where Ruby was packing up the Christmas cookies she was taking tonight. Sam watched her for a moment and wondered how she'd react if she ever found out he loved his brother much more deeply than he loved her.
A half hour later, Sam was knocking on the door of the ranch house. It was flung open wide and Dean was standing there looking impossibly beautiful. Sam felt like he couldn't breathe as he looked at his baby brother. Dean was tan, gorgeous and all lit up with love and happiness.
“Sam!” Dean exclaimed and hugged his brother tight. “Come on in! Hi, you must be Ruby, nice to meet you.” Dean said gently shaking the petite brunettes hand.
“Good to meet you too. You're kind of a legend around here.” Ruby said with a smile.
Dax was standing by the sofa and Sam stopped in his tracks when he saw him. He was quite possibly the most beautiful man Sam had ever seen. Dax gave him a brilliant smile and walked towards him.
“You must be Sam. I have heard so much about you, I feel like I grew up with you too!” Dax exclaimed as they shook hands.
“Dean always did like to talk. I can only imagine what stories he filled your head with.” Sam replied as he smiled at the blond.
“It was all good, in case you're wondering. Dean really loved the time he spent here with you growing up.” Dax said with a warm grin.
Sam felt a little choked up that Dean had only had good things to say about him. He had thought Dean would hate him after what had happened between them. It seemed Dean had forgiven him for everything.
The dinner went well. They all talked and shared their lives with each other. Later in the evening, John, Dean and Ruby were in the kitchen and Sam had a moment alone with Dax.
“I think this is the right time to give you the Big Brother Speech.” Sam said looking at Dax with a serious expression.
“Big Brother Speech?” Dax asked questioningly.
“Yeah. That's where I tell you if you hurt my brother, I'll rip your head off and shit down your neck.” Sam said in a light tone but his eyes were hard.
“Well, I'm not gonna hurt Dean. I'm crazy in love with him and I'm gonna marry him. He just doesn't know it yet, so don't tell him.” Dax said in a conspiratorial tone.
Sam went rigid with shock and looked down so Dax wouldn't see the pain in his eyes. Dear god, this guy was truly in love with Dean. He wanted to marry him and show the whole world how he felt. Sam was upset but he knew that Dean wanted that kind of relationship and he couldn't give it to him. Sam wanted Dean to be happy. He truly did. He just hadn't realized how much all of this was gonna hurt.
~*~
It was Valentine's day and Dean was eighteen years old. Dax had made them a wonderful dinner of grilled salmon, veggie kakbobs, rice pilaf and Apple Crumble for dessert. They went into the living room and sat down side by side on the love seat so their thighs were touching. They drank champagne and talked for awhile then Dax moved and got down on one knee and took Dean's hand in his. Dean's jade eyes got huge and a lump formed in is throat at the expression on Dax's gorgeous face.
“Dean, I never thought I would fall in love with anyone. I had resigned myself to being alone, then I met you. You have shown me a love that has healed me and made me strong. I live and breath and love for you, Dean. I want to share the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?” Dax slipped the slim blue jewelry box out of his pocket and opened it so Dean could see the elegant platinum ring with diamonds encircling the band that was nestled in it.
Tears of joy spilled over Dean's cheeks as he looked down at his lover. “Yes, Dax! I'll marry you!”
Dax slipped the ring on Dean's finger and they kissed like they would never get enough of each other.
CRAVE - Part 5
