Fields of Gold Part Two

[deansdarkdream]

Dedication: To my Angels. I love you with every beat of my heart.
Title: Fields of Gold Part Two
Authors: DDD, Z, L, and A
Pairings: Dean/Sam, Dean/ Sky, Dean/Cas/Adam/Sky
Rating: NC17
Warnings: Based on a RL love story. Ecstasy, angst, tragedy and triumph.
Disclaimer: We don't own Dean, Sam Cas or Adam.
Summary: Dean Winchester is the manager of the Castlewood Equine Estate. He has many men willing to warm his bed but he longs for the one who will warm his heart. Sam Stivaletti works at his family's Italian restaurant and dreams of the man who will will give him the love he has always craved. Dean and Sam have already discovered a great mutual passion between them. Could it become true love?
A/N: We've got some angst and revelations of feelings for Dean and Sam in this part. Saddle up my friends, it is going to be a wild ride! Love DDD 

Fields of Gold
Part Two

We climbed out of the pool, and I led Sky to the little cabana hidden under the waterfall. It’s a special place, sort of a hideaway, and only Sam has ever shared it with me. We toweled each other dry which led to some of the most arousing foreplay I’ve ever experienced. We went slowly, both of us feeling whatever it was that had stopped him in his tracks and struck me mute the day we’d met. We kissed for a long time, standing by the side of the big bed, running our hands over each others bodies, learning the curves and valleys, memorizing the quick intakes of breath that signaled a sensitive spot. He had good hands, as I’ve said before, and he knew how to use their strength firmly but gently.

By the time he pushed me down onto the bed, neither of us was steady on our feet. He lowered himself onto me, letting most of his weight press me into the mattress from chest to thigh, and supported himself on his elbows so he could look me in the face. “Before we do this, I need you to know that I’ve only been with a few guys.” He looked a little defiant at this admission, but swallowed and continued on. “I mean, I know what to do but...” He buried his face in the curve of my neck, and mumbled something else. Gone was the flirty man from the bathroom, rubbing his chest, and pissing like a stallion. I was holding a shy, embarrassed kid, and the change startled me.

I rubbed his back a moment, then tugged on his hair a little, trying to get him to lift his head. “Sky. It’s okay. Talk to me. What else did you say?”

He raised his head and stared at me, his blue eyes dark, then said bleakly, “I said I’ve never fucked.” I stared at him blankly for a moment, speechless yet again. It was becoming a bad habit.

“Never fucked or never been fucked?” I finally asked.

“Both. Neither. I've never done it.” His eyes stayed on mine this time and some of the tension left his body as my smile widened.

“You made it to 27 without some stud talking you into it?” I grinned at him and squeezed his butt.

He snorted. “It just never felt right, you know? I didn’t feel like I knew enough to fuck somebody and I didn’t trust anyone I was with to fuck me, so . . . here I am, virgin territory, at your service.” At his words my cock lurched hard between us and he glanced away again, but came right back to me when I spoke.

“Did you think that would put me off somehow?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.” He blew out a long breath. “Yeah, I guess I thought maybe you wouldn’t want to bother with someone who didn’t do everything.”

I smiled at him. “It’s not a requirement, you know. They won't revoke your queer card if you don't fuck.” He thought about that for a minute. “Do you think you'd rather be on the receiving end or . . . ? Most guys end up liking one more than the other, although some guys are versatile and love both, like me.” I circled the flat of my hand down his back.

“Top probably, but I gotta try both, don’t you think? I mean, how the hell will I know, otherwise?”

“Well, some guys can’t stand the thought of anything in their ass.” As I said this I casually slid a finger down the crack of his ass and he tipped his hips and spread his legs a little, responding to the pressure of my hand. “Doesn’t look like that’ll be a problem for you,” I chuckled as Sky pushed up into my hand. I played with him for a while, and soon he was breathing heavy and his erection was rock hard next to mine, pressing into my belly.

“Ohhh, Dean, that feels good,” he groaned when I paused. “I’m ready. I’ve just been waiting for the right guy to come along.”

“Well, we may get there but right now I want to do something with this.” I nudged his cock with my own, then rolled him onto his back and slid down his body until I was kneeling between his legs. His penis throbbed slightly with each beat of his heart and he watched me with a little smile which disappeared abruptly when I wrapped my hand firmly around him.

“Ohhh, God,” he moaned, pushing up into my fist. I popped the top on a little bottle of lube from the bedside table and dribbled some onto the tip of his cock from about two feet up. He closed his eyes and flopped back, then jammed a pillow behind his head and watched as I rubbed it around with a finger tip, trailing down the underside of his prick until I reached his balls. Before long he was slippery as an eel and panting as I stroked him long and slow, rolling his balls in my other hand, rubbing the soft wrinkled skin gently between my fingers.

“Slide your feet up,” I told him, pulling on one knee to give him the idea. I increased the tempo of my strokes slightly and slid my other hand down below his balls, pressing firmly with the heel of my hand and probing with my fingers. When I located my target, I gently pushed a finger about halfway into him. He groaned, arched his head back and instinctively grabbed his knees, lifting his feet from the bed. I eased further into him and felt for his prostate. I started a slow in and out, rotating my hand to brush over it on every in stroke. He clenched his teeth and grunted softly each time I touched it, tipping his pelvis down to increase the pressure.

“Fuck, I’m close,” he muttered through bared teeth. His balls were tight to the base of his cock and he was pumping into my hand. I began to stroke my finger more quickly as I tugged his cock and he came a few seconds later, bucking as he emptied himself onto his chest and belly, strangled moans welling from his throat. I held his prick firmly, letting him move into my hand until he was finished. Then I stroked myself, using the string of precum hanging from the tip of my dick for lube and came in a few minutes, my release joining his in the valleys of his 6-pack. I wiped the worst of it up with a towel, then crawled onto him, letting my weight down slowly but he grabbed me hard, trembling a little.

“God, I knew it would be better with someone I cared about.” He froze when he realized what he’d said and I felt him cringe a little at the honesty of the words.

I hugged him tight and whispered into his neck, “Good. It’s supposed to be better when you care about each other. Come shower with me.” We played till the hot water ran out, making goofy hairdos with the shampoo until we were both giggling like kids. He was a great combination of silly, sexy, intelligent, and hot, and I was falling for him more every minute.

When we came back to the bed, he pulled me down next to him and looked at me soberly. “Please fuck me, Dean. I trust you and I want it to be you.” I could hardly resist a request like that, not with those blue eyes staring trustingly into mine. I rolled onto him, kissing him slowly, holding his head in my hands as we explored each other’s mouths. Sky was a truly excellent kisser, his lips firm and warm, the skin very soft; his tongue probing gently but insistently into the most sensitive areas of my mouth. I almost forgot my original agenda as he sucked on my tongue. I could feel each pull on my cock and I could have come like that with no problem. But I wanted to explore all of him so I finally eased away from his mouth, licking and nibbling my way behind his ear, down his neck, along the top line of his shoulder and into the curve of his armpit. I nudged his arm up a little and breathed in the scent of him. He was fresh out of the shower, but his own unique aroma came through loud and clear, ramping my level of arousal up another notch. I ran my hand over the bicep that bulged up, feeling the baby-soft skin under his arm. God, Sky was just one sensory treat after another. The sight, smell, taste, and feel of him had me hotter than I’d been in ages.

I slid my mouth down to his nipple, already tight and hard. Sky gasped when I dragged my tongue across, then shuddered out a breath as I closed my mouth over it and sucked gently, tugging on it now and then. His chest was heaving as he panted and I hadn’t even gotten to the good parts yet. I stopped at his belly button for a moment, tickling my tongue into the little depression, then following the trail of golden hair to the tip of his cock. His belly was matted and slippery with precum, and even as I watched, another big drop oozed from his slit and slid down the head of his cock, hanging from the rim for a moment, then falling in a shimmery strand to the tense muscles of his stomach. I touched my tongue to the tip of his penis, making slow circles, then lowered my mouth onto him. He groaned deeply and pushed up into my throat.

Finally I pulled him up by the hand and dripped a puddle of lube into his palm. “Get me ready,” I said softly to him. The calluses at the base of his fingers added a slightly rougher texture as he gripped me, spreading lube and making me hard as marble. His other hand squeezed my balls gently until I had to stop him. Afraid he’d done something I disliked, he glanced up when I put my hand on his but I reassured him with a smile.

“It feels too nice. I’m gonna need a lot of control to make it good for you.” He smiled at that and lay back down. I lubed my hand and his ass, then slid my finger into him again. Sky was ready for me this time and just sucked in a breath when I penetrated him. In a few minutes he took my second finger with only a little “mmm” and when he was moaning with each movement of my hand, I stroked myself till I was real hard, pushed his knees back farther and pressed the tip of my dick to him, rubbing a little to let him feel me. He had his eyes closed but nodded for me to go ahead.

“Keep breathing and push a little,” I told him as I pressed firmly against him. Nothing happened for a moment, then I felt him push back and I popped in. Sky gave a little cry at the unfamiliar sensation but went back to deep breaths almost immediately. I held still until I felt him relax and even then didn’t move again until he made a questioning sound. I reached for his hands, turning them palms up, wrapping my fingers around his wrists as he did the same to me. Using my grip on his arms to hold him in place, I started a real slow push that took me fully into him over half a minute or so. The knowledge that I was the first man to do this to him had me really wound up and I had to concentrate like crazy to go slowly. He was vibrating by the time I bottomed out, and I went still again, rubbing my thumbs over the soft skin of his inner wrists.

“Dean?” His voice trembled and I could hear his ragged breathing over the sound of the waterfall.

“Yeah. You okay?” He didn’t reply, just lay there, eyes tight shut, shaking, and he was starting to scare me a little. I had been as gentle as I knew how and I was about to withdraw when he finally spoke.

“God, it’s incredible Dean. I can feel your heart beat inside me.” He opened his eyes and looked at me. The blue was dark with arousal and I felt a sudden rush of emotion for him, unexpected but welcome.

“Are you okay?” I asked him again, needing to hear it before I could bring myself to move.

“Yeah. What do I feel like to you?”

“Tight.” He snorted. “Warm and smooth. You feel really good.” I released his wrists and took a grip around the front of his thighs. “I’m gonna move a little. Tell me if it hurts.”

“’Kay.” He was smiling at me as I pulled out a few inches but when I sank back in, his face contorted and his hands twisted in the sheet. I closed my eyes and tuned into him. He made a little ‘unh’ noise each time my hips met his ass, and I could also hear the slick sounds of my cock sliding in and out of the tight ring of his opening. His hands gripped my wrists, his fingers flexing and releasing with each stroke. The muscles of his thighs were hard in my hands and the scent of us, our arousal, our sweat, filled my head with every breath I took. I gave Sky as long a ride as I could but the whole thing was just too fucking good and I felt myself losing the battle for control. Once I began stroking his cock, it was only a minute or two until he shuddered and began thrusting hard into my hand. I pulled out of him, grabbed us both in the same fist and stroked us to a pounding orgasm. When we finally twitched to a stop, we were covered in goo but I was too tired to care. I collapsed next to him, both of us completely exhausted by the intensity of the experience.

I’d only been first for one other person, Adam, 15 years ago, when I knew nothing, and I’d been surprised and a little nervous when Sky confided his virginity to me. Taking it is a big deal for both of us, and I was pleased that it had been good for him. We dozed off and when I next looked at the clock it was 2:17am. A few candles were still burning and when I rolled my head to Sky, I could see he was on his side watching me. I smiled at him. “Hey. Can’t sleep?”

“Thank you.” His voice was very soft but the waterfall had shut off at 2 so I could hear him easily. He didn’t return my smile, just studied my face with careful eyes.

“My pleasure.” I took his left hand in mine and pressed its palm to my chest. He continued to watch me soberly. “What are you thinking?”

His eyes flickered away for a second, then came back and locked on mine. He sighed deeply. “I don’t want to tell you. I don’t want to scare you away.”

“I can pretty much promise you that won’t happen.” I pressed a kiss to his palm, put it back on my chest and rubbed it slowly from side to side. “Please tell me.”

He rolled onto his back with a sigh and stared at the ceiling. “I knew I was gay in high school but that’s not something you announce in rural Montana, not if you want to stay alive. So I went to Chicago after high school. It was easier there but the guys I met just wanted sex and it seemed so . . . empty.” I squeezed his hand and he took a deep breath.

“All the guys my age were just trying to see how many people they could screw. I didn’t meet hardly any couples who’d been together for more than a few months. It was depressing and I thought if this is being gay, I don't want any part of it. Then I went to farrier school and the guys in Missouri were more normal. I started to think maybe it was possible to find someone I could love and who might love me back.”

“I moved out here when Tay needed another shoer. He was pretty nervous about sending me to Castlewood that first time. I guess he thought you’d kick me off the place if I didn’t do right by your horses.” He glanced at me. “But I did okay, huh?”

“Yeah, you were good. When Cher didn’t kick your teeth in, I knew you’d be alright.”

“You said she was quiet!”

“She is quiet. She just hates shoers. But I could tell she liked you or I would have warned you.”

Sky chuckled, then sobered up again. “When I first saw you . . . ” His voice trailed off and he swallowed hard. “God, I feel like a teenager with his first crush. Please don’t hate me.” He swallowed again and before I could speak, he rushed it out. “When I saw you, my stomach went nuts. It was like all those stupid romance books my sister used to read out loud to torture me when she babysat. I couldn’t hear anything except my heart pounding in my head and I thought my knees were gonna fold. I thought I was having a stroke or something.” He stopped and tried to pull his hand from mine in embarrassment but I pulled harder and rolled him back to me. His eyes were squeezed shut and his chin was tucked down into his chest.

“Sky.” I cupped his face with my free hand. He just lay there so I shook him. “Damnit, I need you to look at me when I tell you that I felt something, too.” His eyes shot open at that and I could see the muscles in his jaw tighten.

“I thought you were just angry it wasn’t Tay.”

I snorted. “No, I was struck dumb by the sight of your gorgeous self getting out of the truck.” I put some humor in it and tickled him. He giggled and I made him squirm around until I had him near me, then I let my voice go serious again. “I felt something, too.” I said it low and soft right next to his ear, then kissed his neck.

He let out a ragged breath and curled into me. “I was scared to tell you but after you made love to me, I had to.”

I turned my back to him, scooting close until he was wrapped around me. “Sleep. We’ll talk more in the morning.”

Maria woke us at 6 with a tap on the door. “Breakfast is by the pool.”

“Thanks,” I mumbled, stretching, feeling Sky start to stir behind me. I rolled over and watched him wake up. He was on his back and when his eyes opened to an unfamiliar ceiling, I felt him tense and he tried to turn away from me. I grabbed his chin.

“Don’t go getting all shy on me now. We have to talk. Come on.” I dragged him out of bed and into the bathroom. He started pissing while I turned on the shower, then I joined him at the toilet, playfully angling my stream into his. He shot me a weird look and I figured this must be another first for him. Laughing, I shoved him into the shower and soaped him from head to toe, playing with his ass. “How do you feel?”

He thought about it for a second, then shrugged. “Fine. It never really hurt, just sort of surprised me, I think. And it was kind of overwhelming emotionally, knowing that it was finally happening.” He gave me that somber look I was beginning to recognize. “It was amazing, Dean. I’m glad it was you.”

He leaned in to kiss me and one thing led to another, actually two others, as we managed near-simultaneous orgasms there in the steamy shower. By the time we got to breakfast, I figured it would be stone cold but marvelous Maria had put the hot dishes over those clever little warming candles and it was wonderful. Obviously something of my excitement yesterday on the phone had gotten through to her because we dined on Southwestern omelets, home fries, bacon, made-from-scratch blueberry muffins and fresh squeezed OJ. Our clothes were hung neatly over the backs of a couple chairs and fresh towels were piled by the Jacuzzi.

“Jesus Christ!” Sky exclaimed when I took the lids off the serving dishes. “Do you always eat like this? And did you win the fucking lotto or something?” he continued, vaguely waving a hand around to indicate the estate.  “I meant to ask you last night but I, uh, got side tracked.”

I smirked at him and heaped food onto my plate. “No, I didn’t win the lotto. I was smart enough to find a good investment counselor when I was winning big and he made me rich. Plus, I stole this place.” I explained my Starbucks theory and he grinned. He gazed around while I talked, watching Xia grazing in the pasture below us, taking in the lush beauty of the jungle pool in the pink light of dawn. I did mention I love living here, right?

As he began to eat, I knew I had to get us talking. “I meant what I said last night. I wasn’t just blowing smoke up your ass.” His eyes shot up to mine for a moment, then back to his plate and he gave a small nod. “I like you. We feel good in bed and I want us to spend some time together and see what happens.” I stopped and watched him while he swallowed and lifted his face to me.

“Me, too.” He said it with conviction. “Sex was never that good so I pretty much quit going out. I just took care of myself. I give great hand jobs.” He rolled his eyes and shook his head at himself.

I grinned at him. “Yeah, I know.”

He went back to his eggs and soon we were up at the house, meeting Maria and getting out the door to his car, a blue Explorer that had seen better days. I kissed him and told him I’d call him later to firm up something for the next day or two. As he drove off, I went back thru the house, jogged to the barn and saddled Xia in record time, assuring her that she’d get breakfast at the stable.

I phoned Sam on the way and caught him supervising preparations for a banquet. "Hey Gorgeous. Can you come over tonight? I need to talk to you."

"Sure." There was a pause. Then, "I need to talk to you, too."

"Yeah? Okay. See you then." I snapped the phone shut and looked at it for a moment before shoving it back in my pocket, wondering what was up with him. Sleepless that night a couple weeks ago, needing to talk to me now. Sam had never been an open book and I wondered if I was about to find out more than I wanted to know.

I spent a good part of the day thinking about what I wanted to say to him. He was very important to me and I knew that he cared for me, too, though we had never discussed it much. He was a constant in my life, someone I talked to almost daily, had sex with several times a week. Someone whose cooking I loved and whose cock I knew as well as my own. My best friend. I couldn't imagine life without him.

But I needed to spend some time with Sky, just the two of us. If things worked out well, he'd meet my friends, the men I slept with regularly. It was way too soon to be thinking about it but I did anyway. What if Sky turned out to be 'it'? The man I’d been waiting for all my life? Someone I could share a future with? Could I give up sleeping with Sam? And Cas, Adam, Zane and Chris? Not to mention the occasional vet student. Would Sky even expect me to? I knew several couples who played only as couples. Zane and Chris being one. They enjoyed a little variety, but only together. Since I had introduced them, they considered me safe from temptation and we got together a few times a month.

Those were fun evenings. No 'date' pressure, just satisfying sex with good friends. Usually we'd watch a porn flick for the first round, marveling at the huge cocks some of those guys had. None of us had ever met a true 11x6 dick and weren't sure what we'd do with it if we did. You can't cram the whole thing in your mouth and the thought of it inside me was more than a little scary. But it was hot to watch and produced some powerful orgasms for the three of us. We masturbated when we watched a movie, piled on the couch together, towels at the ready, kissing and playing with each others balls. Watching another guy jerk his own cock, all the little things he does different than you, the expressions on his face, the sounds he makes. It really winds me up and I forget all about the movie and get off watching Zane and Chris instead.

As I pondered all these heavy thoughts, my cell phone rang. I flipped it open without looking at the display and heard heavy breathing, panting and moaning, then “Oh, fuck, yeah baby, work it for me, oh God!”

I was so astounded that I held the phone out in front of me and checked the display. Sky. By the time I got it back to my ear, he was laughing his ass off and my cock was half hard. “You’re lucky as hell you dialed right. This could be your mother,” I told him, which set him off laughing again.

“Your name came up on the display when the call connected. Jesus, do you think I’d do that if I wasn't sure it was you?”

“You're crazy, Cowboy. Where the hell are you?”

“Out in Abby’s back forty, checking her two year olds’ legs. There’s no one around for miles.” Abigail Pennington owned a couple hundred acres at the east edge of the county and she raised all sorts of performance horses, the top 4 or 5 of which trained at Castlewood. I’d be riding one of them later this afternoon. Abby’s husband Glen financed her equine adventures with good humor and lots of cold, hard cash.

“I'm glad you called. I need to see a friend tonight so are you free tomorrow night?”

“Yeah.” I could hear disappointment in the single word but at this point, I needed to talk to Sam more than I needed to make Sky feel good.

“Great. See you then. I’m looking forward to it.”

“Me, too. Bye.”

I stood there for a moment, staring into space and thinking about Sky. Fuck. The more I thought about never sleeping with Sam again, the more sure I was that I couldn’t (wouldn’t?) do that. I loved him. I loved him too much to never taste his mouth again or feel the hot slide of his cock into me. But what if Sky couldn’t (wouldn’t?) accept that? And why was I agonizing over this anyway? I'd slept with him exactly once. Okay, three orgasms worth but you know what I mean. I shook my head, re-arranged my stiff cock and went back to work.

When Sam strolled into the den a few hours later, hair tied back in a black leather string (quiet mode), I hugged him to me and just stood there with my face pressed to his. He wrapped his arms around me and rocked me a little, like you would a kid. Finally he eased away, cupped my chin and kissed me softly, then pulled back to look me in the eyes. “Dean, what’s wrong?”

When I didn’t reply immediately, he led me to the couch, sank back against one of the arms and pulled me down between his legs, my back to his chest, and held me close to him. I lay my head back on his shoulder as his warm hand slipped under my shirt, rubbing slowly up and down my stomach. My cock stirred a little at his touch, welcoming an old friend. How many times had we sat like this, talking over our day, content in each other's company? I stayed quiet for a bit, enjoying the feel of his hand. He didn't push me, just waited patiently until I spoke.

“I’ve met someone.”

His hand hesitated for a fraction of a second, and he took a deeper breath before he spoke. “‘The someone?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. I barely know him.” I picked up his free hand in mine and studied it, running my fingertip along the lines in his palm, tracing the veins on the back of his hand. He kept his nails short and manicured since his hands were always on display at the restaurants. “Do you love me?”

Against my back I felt his heart rate increase to match my own, and knew that we were going down a road neither of us could turn around on. “Yes. I love you, Dean. Did you doubt it?”

“No. But we never say it and . . . I needed to hear it.”

There was a long silence, and then Sam spoke. “Are you ending our relationship?”

His voice was not quite steady, and the blunt rawness of his words had me turning to him in surprise. His face was expressionless, but his eyes gave him away. Dark and liquid, they searched mine carefully, and he looked more vulnerable than I’d ever seen him.

“No! No. God. I knew before you came over tonight that I couldn’t do that.” I settled back down against him, stroking my hand along his bare arm, ruffling the dark hair, and we were quiet for a bit. "What did you want to talk to me about?" I asked him.

He sighed, and said softly but very clearly, “I am in love with you, Dean.” He stopped me when I tried to twist toward him. “I have been for years.”

I struggled in his arms. “Let me go!” He loosened his hold on me, and I turned quickly to kneel between his legs, gripping his wrists, staring at him. “You’re in love with me?”

He nodded, looking at me gravely. “Remember the day Chloe’s horse kicked you and I stayed here a few days taking care of you?” He glanced away, looking into the cold fireplace. “I imagined doing that forever.” He turned back to me. “But you got better and made it clear that you didn’t need me any more.”

There was a bitter note in his voice that tore at me. “No! I was afraid if I needed you too much, you’d pull away, and I didn't want to lose you. God, why didn’t you tell me?”

“I almost did, but I was afraid, too. You had Adam and whoever else back then, and I didn’t feel I could ask you to choose, so I became your friend. Your lover. After a while, it was almost enough.”

“And now? Is that what you want, Sam? Do you want it to be just you and me?”

“No, not any more. I did, at first, but I like Adam, Cas and the other guys, and I enjoy fooling around with them. Eventually I realized that what I really wanted was for you to need me. For us to need each other. I want what everyone wants, Dean. The security of knowing you’ll be there for me at the end of every single day. To make plans together that go farther out than just a couple days. To make some sort of life together.”

I crawled up onto his chest and began to kiss him, but he pushed me gently back. “What about you, Dean? What do you want?”

I shook my head and shrugged a little. “I don’t know any more. When we first met, I fell in love with you, but I knew there was someone else. You didn’t talk to me about him, so I didn’t know what to think. I thought it must be pretty serious, and I was just glad when you had time for me.” He closed his eyes for a moment, but didn’t speak. "Is this why you've been a little off the past couple weeks?"

He nodded. "It was getting too hard to be just your fuck buddy. I need more, Dean. I love you, and I want more."

“Is that what you think you are to me? My 'fuck buddy'? Jesus, Sam!"

"What then? What am I to you?"

"My best friend. I don’t want to lose you. But I like Sky. I want to get to know him better.”

He didn't speak for quite a while and when he did, it was in a voice I'd never heard from him, cool and remote, and it made my skin crawl. “I understand. But I can’t hang around while you see him. Now that you know how I feel, I can’t . . . I can't be with you. Not until you figure it out, one way or the other.” He took my face in his hands and kissed me very softly, then pushed me away again, less gently this time, rose from the couch and walked out of the room. The thud of the front door closing behind him was loud in the quiet house, and I jerked at the sound.

I was miserable the next day. I kept replaying our conversation in my head, but it always ended with the finality of the front door clicking shut. Even the thought of seeing Sky tonight wasn't much help. I didn’t get home till 6:30 and was just getting out of the shower when I heard the security ding of Sky's car coming up the drive. I yanked on jeans and jogged down the stairs to let him in. He was dressed casually and as usual, his golden good looks took my breath away for a minute. I kissed him briefly and led him into the den where Maria had left us a cold supper. After I poured two glasses of wine, I turned to him on the couch, bringing my knee up to rest against his leg.

“Sky. We don’t know each other well at all, and I haven’t had a chance to tell you about my friends, my life away from the barn. I fuck around with several guys on a regular basis. One of them, Sam, has been a good friend for years.” He looked away from me and I saw his face harden, knowing what was coming. “When I told him that I met you, we started talking about our relationship, something we hadn’t done before.”

He held up a hand and rose from the couch, shaking his head as he walked across the room. “I don’t need to hear the rest. You love him, don’t you? I can hear it in your voice.”

“Yes, I love him. But it's not that simple. I'm attracted to you, and I want to spend some time with you, but not in bed. That's too easy.” I got up and went to him, wrapping my arms around him from behind. He stiffened but didn’t pull away. “I’m not sorry I slept with you, but I'm not going to do it again until I get a few things figured out.” I took him back to the couch, pulling him close against me as we sank down. “Sky, you need to meet my buddies. They’ll like you as much as I do, and it’ll be good for you."

We sat there for a couple hours, kissing a little, talking a lot. He had never lived completely out, as a gay man comfortable with himself and his life, and he asked me all sorts of questions about my friends and family, how I handled discrimination (badly and legally, if I had to) and things like whether I was affectionate with other men in public (yes, but not blatantly). Answering him in depth made me think about myself, about how I lived, what I cared about and believed in. By the time he left, he was willing to meet Cas and Adam, so I called Adam and we set it up for the following Friday night at his place.

Sky hugged me for a long time at the door. "Thanks for being honest with me."

After he left, I sat in the dark den for another hour, thinking about Sam and Sky. They were so different, yet I was very attracted to both of them. Sam was quiet, deep, and I knew that there were parts of himself he'd probably never share with me. We had a lot of history together, years spent in each other's company, so that I knew which brand of toothpaste he preferred, his mother's birthday, his love of old books. He was a steady presence in my life, and I was comfortable with that. Maybe a little too comfortable.

Sky, on the other hand, was like a golden sparkler on a dark July night, all chills up my spine and those hot, hot kisses. He was new and exciting, and I wanted him badly. I gave up and went to bed, but slept poorly, visions of Sam's warm smile pushed aside by Sky's blue eyes.

Friday arrived and I drove to Adam's. We had decided that stroking off to a porn flick was a good ice breaker for Sky. Lots of sex in the air, but not with each other in case he was feeling bashful with two new guys and a group setting. He was such a kid in some ways that I didn't feel dragging him into bed with two other guys was the way to go, at least at first. Cas was there when I arrived and greeted me with a hug and a slow kiss that I must not have returned with enough enthusiasm. He pulled back to look at me, concern in his eyes. "What's wrong?"

I sighed and tried to cheer up. "Nothing. Sam and I are not talking at the moment."

His eyebrows shot up. "Not talking? Is he being a jerk?"

"No, no. It's personal."

I smiled at him and turned away when the doorbell announced Sky's arrival. Both Adam and Cas hugged him and, although he looked a little surprised, he returned the hugs warmly. We settled around the TV with beers and munchies, and Adam hit the 'play' button on Matt Steele and Luke Long. Mmmmm. It wasn't long before Adam had his dick out, with Cas and I close behind. Sky glanced at us, then took a second look at Adam's overhand technique and reflexively put a hand on his crotch.

I reached over and groped him a little. "Come on, golden boy, get with the program."

He laughed, shaking his head while he opened his pants and lifted his big cock free. It was stiff but not fully hard yet, and it got Adam’s and Cas's immediate attention. He started stroking it loosely, and we all stared while it swelled, growing longer and fatter until Adam was practically licking his lips. Eventually Matt and Luke re-captured our interest and the movie finished us off in predictable fashion.

Adam welcomed Sky to the gang by standing between his knees and blasting cum all over his stomach, thoughtfully yanking Sky's t-shirt up first. I thought Sky's eyes were going to pop out of his head, but he obviously got into it cause he almost had a coronary when he came, convulsing and groaning, shooting hot shots clear up to his chin. I left them undressing and heading for the shower. Sky gave me a pleading look, but I assured him it was cool, and the last I saw of him, Adam's hand was on his ass as they walked down the hall. I drove slowly home.

I spent the next week just getting through the days. I went to work early and caught up on all the little shit that always gets put off till later. I sorted tack, straightened up my desk, cleaned out the big horse trailer that we used constantly and which was always a mess, rode horses till my shoulder throbbed. I spent the evenings alone, floating around the pool until the stars came out, then trudging up to the house for something to eat. After I showered, I usually sat in the den for a while thinking about all sorts of things. When I bought this house and started working at Castlewood I was young, only 23, and still hurting emotionally over the loss of my Gran Prix career. All I thought about then was when I was going to get laid next, and who was driving to the bar that night. I wasn't a total fuck up, but I was young, single, and cruisin'.

Now I was thirty, no longer a kid, and the things that mattered to me were very different. My friends, my family, my job running the stable and preparing the equine stars of tomorrow. I cared deeply about them all. I didn't have any one light bulb moment that week, but I did begin to understand more about the things that were really important to me, what I wanted the rest of my life to be like. I was exhausted, but I still couldn't sleep more than a few hours at a time. I usually just stayed on the couch in the den, curled up in the last place Sam had held me. I masturbated myself to sleep most nights, imagining it was his hand on my cock.

That Wednesday I ran into Zane at the barn. He took one look at my face and dragged me into the tack room, shutting the door firmly behind him. "What's the matter? Are you sick?" he demanded.

I shook my head, trying to smile at him. "No, I'm okay." But he wasn't buying it, and I finally told him the bare bones of what was going on. His eyes played over my face as I spoke and when I finished, he took me in his arms, but didn't speak. After a while he let me go, and we went back to work. I didn't see him any more that day, but Chris called later that afternoon and asked me to come over.

"Not tonight, Chris. I'm just not in the mood, sorry."

"Neither are we," he replied. "We want to talk to you."

He wouldn’t take no for an answer, so I finally agreed to come over for dinner, figuring I could get home early enough to wallow in the den some more. Chris greeted me with a long hug which felt great. He’s a big guy, and you know you've been hugged when he gets done with you. He pulled back a little, put his hand to my cheek and looked me over. "You look like shit, Dean," he announced.

"I love you, too," I chuckled, and then blew out a breath. "Yeah, I know. This has got me pretty fucked up."

We ate grilled chicken and salad, and then settled into their big over sized sofa, me in the middle, our legs in a tangle. I hadn't been with anyone in almost two weeks, and the physical contact with two close friends, men who cared about me, was almost overwhelming. They could tell I was close to the edge and didn't say anything for a while, just sat there with me. Zane leaned into my shoulder with his face in my neck. His breath was warm on my skin, and I tipped my head to rub my cheek against his hair. Chris watched us, a small smile curling the corners of his mouth as he rubbed his thumb over the back of my hand.

"Do you love Sam?" he finally asked me.

"Of course."

"But you have the hots for Sky." It was a statement, not a question. I nodded. "Have you slept with him?" I nodded again. "And?"

I shrugged. "It was good. Actually, it was great. He's a good guy."

"But?" His voice held a challenge.

I looked at him. He looked back hard, willing me to think it through. It wasn’t very difficult. "But he's not Sam."

"Bingo." He lay back and swung his legs across my lap, bending one knee to rest it against my chest. I hugged it to me, running my hand from knee to groin. Each time my hand reached the crease of his big thigh, he pushed up into me a little. "You've known Sam, what? Eight, ten years? You guys get along better than anybody I know. We've always wondered what was keeping you from getting together."

I’d never told them about the marks on Sam's wrists. When I did now, they both fell silent for a moment, then Chris said, "How long since you saw them last?"

How long? Years. It had been years since he'd come to me with the marks of another man on his body. I shook my head, ashamed that I hadn't realized sooner. All that time he'd been loving me.

"Dean." When I looked up at him, he reached out and ran his knuckles along my jaw. "What I have with Zane is the best thing that ever happened to me. I enjoyed my life before you introduced us, but the last four years are what I was waiting for." He smiled at Zane, who was rubbing Chris's bare foot and watching him intently. "Sam is offering you that. Make damn sure before you say ‘no thanks’.”

“We had us a bit of the same problem. Chris was so settled and responsible. Mr. Wahhhl Street. Ah grew up in a pickup truck and shore as hell didn’t think Ah was ready to take on a mortgage and a partner. Luckily Chris kept after me. God knows where Ah’d be if he hadn’t.” He had to stop while Chris sat up and crawled across my lap to kiss him. “All Ah’m saying is, you and Sam already love each other. Is it worth risking that for a kid you jist met?”

I must have looked wiped out because they pulled me off the couch, stripped me in the bedroom, and sandwiched me in between them in their big sleigh bed. As Chris draped his arm across me to hold Zane's shoulder, he kissed the back of my neck, and whispered, "Go with your heart, Dean." As I drifted off to sleep, I thought that sounded like good advice.

I drove slowly to work the next morning. It had been two weeks since Sam had walked out my front door, and it felt like two years. There was an ache in my chest that had only gotten worse. I thought about Sky, about where he was in his life right now, and knew I was past that. I, too, wanted more. I dialed Sam's number as I parked next to the office. He answered on the second ring, and the sound of his voice tightened my chest. "Hi, it's me."

"Hey . . . you okay?"

"No," I said, my voice shaky. "No, I'm not okay. I need to see you. Tonight."

The silence was so long that I closed my eyes. When he finally spoke his voice wasn't steady either. "I'll be there at seven."

The phone went dead in my ear. I went through the day on auto pilot, not a smart idea around horses, finally waking up when Abby's big draft cross gelding mashed my foot into the dirt. I gimped around the rest of the day, thinking of all the things I wanted to tell Sam, hoping it wasn't too late.

Continuation of Fields of Gold Part Two

Thanks VicFM for sending me this pic! DDD