[Marvel] Dear Tony Stark
Series: Marvel comics
Character: Anthony Stark (Ironman)
Warnings: Frank talk of sexual infections and slash implications, as well as light cursing.
Summary: Has Tony ever contracted an STD from all his one-night stands? Has he ever gotten checked? I ponder these things.
Dear Tony Stark -
You are damn awesome. I’m sure you already know this. You may be labeled as The Invincible Ironman, but I’ve got to ask you this: how many STDs have you contracted over the past twenty or so odd years of comic/show/movie canon of you sleeping with random and countless women? Stan Lee and others haven’t mentioned a peep of it.
I know it’s probably too personal for it to really come up in a comic book (even though they’ve shown you through your struggles with addictions and various tragedies), but shit, the damn writers sure do like to show you rolling around in bed with topless “hotties”! I don’t think anyone who writes your comics has even considered using an STD arc for story telling purposes… Maybe now’s the time to consider it?
Don’t hate me for wondering about your health. I’m sure Steve’s worried too. You haven’t slept with him yet, right? Please don’t until you’ve gotten yourself checked, and if you guys have slept together, well by God that just means you need two appointments to get the job done. That means, no, you can’t use a machine of your own design to get the job done. Use actual medical equipment at a place like the Health Department or something. Can’t be too careful, seeing that you might “accidentally” rig the results to fit your purpose.
Keep it simple, bro. Do yourself and the man you love a favor: keep yourselves STD free, and everyone will be happy when they find out Ironman died because of a transgalactic pulse wave scrambling his noggin or a giant robot stepping on him, and not a rather nasty case of AIDS. (Okay, they won’t be happy to find out that you died, but if you were to, I’d definitely prefer it if it was a bit more heroic sounding than an uncontrolled STD that could have prevented with the use of condoms.)
That’s all I have for now.
Until next time,
-Soup.