(no subject)
Dear Dean,
There is something I have always wondered...What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
Regards,
Arthur, King of the Brits
P.S. It burns when I pee. What do I do?
Dear Arthur,
Dude, aren't you dead? No? Hell, stranger things have happened.
Okay, so to figure out how fast a swallow's going, first you have to know how much it weighs. Are there coconuts involved? I hear they can really throw a wrench in the works. You also have to know the air temperature, the swallow's launching speed, how far it's going, and. Uh. Some other stuff. Shit, whatever, I just have a GED, I don't know all this physics bullshit.
I can help you with the burning piss problem, though. Four words: go see a doctor. You don't want to mess around with that shit. Next thing you know, your dick'll turn colors and fall off, and that's no fun for anyone involved.
LOVE Dean