Only With You
Donghae held the smooth, cool glass of wine in his hand delicately, not wanting any of it to spill over on the ivory carpeting. An effortless smile crossed his lips when the slender male he had been watching through the translucent glass came to plop down beside him, the other’s weight shifting slightly onto him. The younger of the two closed his eyes, settling back into the couch. He felt completely relaxed, bringing the wine to his lips and sipping a bit, despite the beverage never exactly being his preference. When it came to Hyukjae, he was willing to do practically anything for him.
He turned almost immediately as he heard the other’s warm voice calling out to him. Donghae’s eyes drifted over hazily to the other. The older reached out to caress his cheek and Donghae leaned into his touch lovingly. Hyukjae gently put a finger under the other’s chin and brought him closer, their faces hovering inches apart.
Donghae’s eyes shut on instinct, feeling the other bridge the distance between them. The younger’s heart began to accelerate as Hyukjae’s tongue ran along his light pink lips and Hae parted them to grant the older’s silent request for permission. His cheeks resembled roses as his body temperature immediately began to rise.
As Hyukjae dove in to explore his mouth, Hae felt the older shift his weight and soon was on top of him and the younger’s breath caught in his throat. The man on top slid his hands up and down Donghae’s sides soothingly as his body pressed on the other’s comfortably. Donghae was absorbed in the whole moment with little thought, as he let out the softest of moans, causing Hyukjae to chuckle - the first sound that had been produced from the latter for the past few minutes.
They were interrupted, however, by the irritating chiming of the clock on the wall a few feet away, signaling that it was practically three in the morning. When silence returned to the room, Hyukjae swung over Donghae gracefully causing the younger’s eyebrows to furrow, his lips forming a pout.
“Do you have to go?” Donghae whined, standing up to follow Hyukjae as the other slid on his jacket and made his way over to the door to the younger’s apartment.
The other merely frowned, nodding his head firmly as Hae went over to cling to his arm. “You know I have to.” Hyukjae answered. His melodic voice filled Donghae’s ears and forced him to step back, as he hung his head low.
This had always been the hardest part. No matter how much he wished it wasn’t so, he always had to say goodbye to Hyukjae at the end of the night as he had to go back home. Donghae wondered why he didn’t simply just move in with him; however he never questioned the man.
Hyukjae leaned forward to kiss Donghae on the forehead, giving him a small, sad smile. “I’m sorry, Hae.” He whispered softly, his voice acting like a lullaby, “I’ll be back when I can, okay?”
The other responded with a slight nod. “Get some sleep. I’d hate to see my Fishy with bruises under his eyes.” Hyukjae scolded the younger and Donghae simply nodded again, sulking like he always did when the older left him.
“Yah! Don’t pout. I stayed here much longer than I should have anyway.” Hyukjae twisted the door handle and stepped out into the halls, “Good night, Hae.”
The younger sighed, “Good night, Hyukkie.”
***
Donghae sighed, drumming his fingers on the table irritably. The smaller boy sitting across from him raised an eyebrow. Ryeowook’s cheeks puffed up anxiously from seeing the other so exhausted. He’d noticed as the days passed, Donghae seemed to be getting weaker and wasn’t functioning the same.
“Are you alright, Donghae-hyung?” He broke the silence, barely causing Donghae to even stir. When the older’s puppy eyes finally made contact with the other’s, he merely shrugged.
Ryeowook sighed, “You’re getting worse, hyung. The others - and me, of course - are really worried about you.”
“What do you mean by ‘getting worse’?” Donghae snapped.
“You haven’t been yourself lately,” The younger replied calmly, hoping that his languid state would rub off on the other. “Are you stressed about anything?”
“No, I’m not stressed.” The other mumbled, massaging his temples. Donghae, at that point, felt like crawling into bed and sleeping into the next morning. He couldn’t possibly concentrate on anything else around him.
“You so sure about that?” Another voice chimed in, as another man joined them at the table they were at, sliding his sunglasses off his eyes and tossing them onto the table.
“… I didn’t realize you were coming, hyung.” Donghae glanced warily over to the feminine newcomer, whose eyes were narrowed as he surveyed his dongsaeng’s form.
“What? You’re not happy to see me?” Heechul pouted playfully.
Donghae just glanced up at the other before his eyes drifted back to the intricate detailing of the table. Swirls of all different colors ran along its edges, dancing brightly and beautifully - just like someone he knew so well.
Heechul waved a manicured hand in front of Donghae’s face. “Yah! Are you even paying attention?” He growled irritably and the younger bit his lip, before nodding.
The two other boys at the table sighed, knowing that he was lying before Heechul lightly punched him in the arm. “Seriously, what’s got you down?” He asked teasingly, however genuine concern lingering below the surface.
“Nothing.” He responded lightly, before scooting his chair out and his gaze trailed over towards the door. “I’ve got to go - my lunch break’s over.”
“We can’t help you if you run away.” Ryeowook spoke softly, however Donghae was already out the door.
***
Donghae practically leapt from off the couch that night, as the stars shone through his large open windows, and he heard light rapping from the door. He scampered across the room quickly, struggling to unlock the deadbolt because of his excitement.
Finally the door swung open to reveal the lithe body of Hyukjae, whose hair fell into his eyes as he leaned against the doorway, his leather jacket clinging to his skin tightly. The older man chuckled at how happy the other seemed to see him.
“Hi, Hae.” He spoke warmly, wrapping his arms around Donghae tightly as the fish rested his head on his shoulder.
Donghae’s energy had returned to him from earlier in the day and he merely clung to Hyukjae’s side as he was led across the length of his apartment. He was suddenly deterred in direction and was being slowly coxed to the door to his bedroom. His head whipped back to stare at Hyukjae with wide eyes, while the other had a more or less neutral expression - however he knew Hyukjae well, and saw just the tiniest bit of smugness trapped in the dark depths of his eyes.
“Are you s-sure?” Red crept along Donghae’s cheeks as his eyes busied themselves with staring at anything but Hyukjae.
The other cupped his cheek with his hand and turned Donghae to face him, before planting a chaste kiss on his lips. “I think so.”
He responded, confident while Donghae was not. “Do you not feel ready?”
“I don’t know.” Donghae admitted, as the other rubbed his back soothingly. “But… I love you, so I think I am.”
“You love me?” The older had heard this several times already, however he still always milked the words out of the younger as the words were the prettiest thing to his ears.
“Yes,” Hae snuggled into him. “I do.”
“Well, if that’s how you feel.” Hyukjae scooped the smaller man into his arms unexpectedly, carrying him bridal style, before slipping through the door to the bedroom with ease.
He threw Hae down on the bed, the younger bouncing gently against the springs. Hyukjae wasted no time, immediately climbing on top of Donghae and suckling on his neck roughly, doing so long enough until his skin was tainted red and purple.
Donghae could only lay there, motionless as his brain tried to function once again, however the older was not making such an easy task. He felt Hyukjae’s cool hands slide down from resting on his lower back to grope his ass, giving Hae a lustful look that the man below simply could not tear himself away from.
The sudden sound of buttons popping off drew Hae out of his trance as his eyes drifted downward to see that Hyukjae had completely ripped his shirt off of him in his impatience. The ruined material was tossed aside, as the older abandoned his sensitive neck and slid his tongue down to the younger’s nipples, swirling it around the buds. Donghae let out a contented moan, signaling to the now smirking Hyukjae that the former was enjoying his ministrations.
Hyukjae quickly peeled off his own shirt, throwing it somewhere near where Donghae’s had landed. The older was tired of the other merely laying there while he did all of the work. He snatched up Hae’s hands and forced them to lock themselves around his neck, the younger complying almost immediately as he pulled Hyukjae closer to his body.
The older male continued further, allowing his hands to tend to Hae’s hardening nipples while his sensual, wet muscle traveled as far as the younger’s naval, twisting and turning inside of the fish’s bellybutton before finally settling his alluring eyes on Hae’s jeans, that had grown tighter and more confining as time progressed.
“Let me help you with that, babe.” He whispered sensually against the apparent bulge showing through the constricting fabric, causing Hae to shiver.
Hyukjae unbuttoned the other male’s jeans with his plump lips, his teeth capturing the zipper and sliding down as his fingers hooked onto his boxers at the same time, shimming those down Donghae’s ankles as well.
With his erection exposed to the cool air, he let out a sigh of relief, however his breath was stolen away again as Hyukjae began to pump it slowly with one hand, somehow discarding himself of his own jeans and boxers while doing so.
Pleasured noises slipped past Donghae’s light pink lips as Hyukjae began to pick up the pace, his eyes widening when Fishy felt a cool finger barely poke at his entrance. Another smirk spread across his lover’s face, as the man straddling him just barely slipped his index finger into the younger’s awaiting hole. The older stroked him with more ferocity as his one digit made acquaintance with Donghae’s virgin ass, the other groaned in pain blatantly.
Hyukjae made up for the pain by capturing Hae’s length in his mouth, his warm, moist cavern making Donghae a mess, completely oblivious to the dominant male as he snuck yet another finger inside, scissoring inside of him and stretching him out so it wouldn’t be as painful once his own member filled Donghae.
Donghae mewled as the other wrapped his tongue around the other’s length, tracing up and down the vein and flicking it in the slit as his cheeks hollowed out, increasing the pressure on the younger’s throbbing member. Hae shuddered and writhed, three of Hyukjae’s fingers now inhabiting his hole.
Hae was a complete moaning mess and Hyukjae knew he was close, his fingers plunging further and further until he finally located that particular bundle of nerves that he knew would drive the younger insane with pleasure. As expected, Hae screamed out as Hyukjae began to hit his prostate, over and over again he attacked it mercilessly. Donghae was in complete ecstacy, warmth entangling his stomach and he also came into the realization that he was close.
With one more thrust with his fingers into Donghae’s hole, the younger came into his mouth and he swallowed it without even a thought. He licked his lips before capturing Donghae’s lips in his and made the other taste himself as he drove his tongue into his mouth.
While Hae was distracted from their passionate kiss, Hyukjae finally lined his aching member up to Donghae’s now prepared entrance and thrust himself in quickly, filling Donghae to the hilt before waiting for the younger to readjust. Once again, there was distress lining Hae’s features, however his eyes soon fluttered closed and Hyukjae began to build up a slow pace of sliding in and out and Hae soon began to moan once again.
Hyukjae soon got into a more sped up rhythm, thrusting in and out as Donghae’s hands latched onto Hyukjae’s shoulders, burying his face into the man on top of him’s chest. His fingernails dug into Hyukjae’s skin lightly as his body lurched backward, his hips bucking up to meet Hyukjae.
Donghae soon found himself close again and this time Hyukjae was on edge as well. When he found Hae’s prostate once again, they both knew that there was only so much time until they both peaked. With a grunt, Hyukjae rammed into Hae, sweat gathering as he grabbed onto Donghae’s neglected member and pumped it quickly. Finally, they released simultaneously. Hyukjae filled Donghae’s ass with his seed while the younger came on their abdomens.
Hyukjae pulled out of his fish before lying beside him, trying to catch his breath while Hae lay exhausted, rolling onto his side. Donghae lay soundlessly on the other side of the bed, his breathing still ragged as he pressed his head into the pillow and smiled softly. He felt the other’s soothing presence right beside him. That’s where he believed the two of them belonged most - right next to each other, with the love they had expressed so strongly for each other still lingering in the air.
Silence settled in for a while before Donghae built the confidence to ask what he had wanted to. “Stay with me tonight, Hyukkie.”
He whispered, not looking at the man he had just made love to as he feared he would say no.
Hyukjae sighed, getting up off of the bed and stared at Hae’s still form with sad eyes. “Lee Donghae,” He spoke his full name sorrowfully, “You know every time I come to visit, I must leave before the next morning. That’s just how it works.”
“But… but…” Donghae stuttered, standing up sorely as tears threatened to fall and his eyes stung. “Hyukkie, I love you.”
The older turned towards the door, unable to face his extremely disappointed counterpart. “Hae, I’m so sorry,” He mumbled. “I don’t want to leave you - I really don’t.”
“Then don’t.” Hae begged.
“I have no control over it, love.” He responded, starting to dress himself once again.
Donghae’s lower lip trembled, wanting to reach out to Hyukkie but he was simply too far away. “Who’s stopping us? Tell me. I’ll take care of them.”
Hyukjae shook his head immediately, gripping the door handle regretfully, and Hae knew that he did not want to part with him. “The only person that you should take care of is yourself. I don’t want you to mope about while I’m gone - lead a happy life. I’ll always be here to comfort you in the night.”
“How can I be happy if I can’t have you, Hyuk?” Donghae countered. “I need you. I need your smile and your laugh. I need your whispers and your comfort. I need you holding me tight when we go to sleep and your soft lips pressed against mine. But most importantly, Lee Hyukjae, I need your heart.”
Hyukjae’s eyes bore into Donghae’s and the older released his grip on his way of exit. He drifted over carefully, while the younger watched him with hopeful eyes. He placed a cool hand on the other’s cheek, running his fingers along his jaw line.
“You needn’t worry about that.” He soothed the smaller male, finally whispering the words Donghae had wanted to hear, “You have all of my heart.”
He sealed his sentiment with a gentle kiss before leading the younger back to the bed, patting the space beside him. Donghae’s face lit up, his whole body filling with warmth.
“You’re staying?” He asked, immediately sliding under the covers. Hyukjae wrapped his strong arms around his fish, nuzzling into him comfortably. Donghae awaited his answer anxiously, wondering if Hyukjae would finally agree to move in with him - if they finally had the chance to co-exist together.
Hyukjae spoke into his hair gently, “Until you wake up in the morning.”
“You make me want to never wake up then.” The other muttered under his breath, inhaling his lover’s comforting scent and wanting to hold onto the moment they had forever.
***
“Donghae.” Leeteuk called his name softly, disrupting him from his train of thought and the older man watched him with patience.
The younger that sat in the chair across from him glanced up from playing with his hands nervously in his lap. His eyes flickered towards his hyung, his expression showing little feeling. He had pushed away the tray of cookies and other assorted treats that his host had put out, nodding his head in apology.
Now, he could only stare at the concerned other male. “Yes, hyung?”
“Do I have to give you a lecture, Hae? I really don’t want to.” Leeteuk spoke in frustration, his brow creased with concern - he didn’t like seeing his dongsaeng like this. Lately, however, the bright and optimistic Donghae had disappeared.
Donghae shook his head. Again, he provided little of a response, “No, hyung.”
The other realized he was getting nowhere and decided to change the subject and focused on the fact that Hae had left all of the food he had set out untouched. “Would you like me to make you something else?” Leeteuk asked, his instinct to nurture the younger, and very distraught, boy was overbearing.
“N-no, I’m alright.”
“I don’t think you are.” The angelic male responded flatly. His eyes scrutinized Donghae’s form, noting that he seemed to have lost a significant amount of weight and around his eyes were prominent, dark circles.
“Hae, please answer me honestly, what is going on?” The older got straight to the point, refusing to hesitate like the others had.
Donghae’s eyes widened at the abrupt question and he sank into his chair further. He hesitated, before asking him, “What do you mean?”
Leeteuk sighed as the other was trying to avoid the conversation; however he continued to press him. “Tell me why you haven’t slept well or ate more than a bite here or there in the past couple weeks.” His tone was firm, indicating that there was no way he was going to let Donghae get out of answering him.
“Because…” The smaller seemed to be struggling to answer, “I… I don’t know hyung.”
Leeteuk could tell his dongsaeng was speaking what he believed was true, when a sudden thought popped into his head. He wondered how he hadn’t thought of it earlier.
“Hae, does this have anything to do with the guy you just got together with a few weeks ago?” He asked lightly. Leeteuk knew how hard the younger fell for those that extended him any kind of intimate attention. He was much too easy to break. The timing was lined up right in place to where it would make sense for Hae the way he was.
Donghae shook his head shyly; however Leeteuk could tell that that must have been at least part of it. “Did you two split up?” He asked, even more delicately.
“No!” The other male’s eyes widened as he hugged his knees to his chest. “Hyukjae would never leave me.” Donghae bit his lip as he reconsidered his words and realized that his lover did have to part with him sometimes. But… he’d never leave him forever. He was at the very least convinced of that.
“Hyukjae?” The other repeated, “That’s his name?”
Donghae nodded, wondering warily why the other was curious as to his Hyukkie. Leeteuk, however, simply folded his hands into his lap and adopted a thoughtful look.
“You know, Hae, I can tell that you really like this boy but you can’t mope around just because he’s not attached to your hip at all times.”
The fish-like male failed to make eye contact with his hyung. He had known he probably would not understand the incredible feeling of loneliness Donghae felt whenever he was not, as Leeteuk said, “attached” to Hyukjae’s hip.
“It’s not the same when I’m not with him. I feel lost without Hyukjae.” He admitted quietly. Donghae knew that it was shameful to have a man acting as his center of gravitation and his purpose in this world, but he couldn’t help it.
The world that surrounded him in the absence of Hyukjae was dull, a constant state of gray. When the anchovy was there, however, everything seemed vivid and bright. He wanted to belong only in this world that the other man seemed to inspire all on his own - rather than the one he was constantly faced with when Hyukkie was nowhere to be found. He felt like a hollow shell when he wasn’t enveloped in Hyukjae’s arms and could not deny that was so incredibly dangerous.
For love though, Donghae believed it was worth it. As long as he and Hyukjae had that one significant connection, he knew they could overcome everything.
***
Hyukjae broke the comfortable silence that had built up as they cuddled together on the couch. “I heard that you’ve been ignoring your needs, Hae,” He turned to him and scowled worriedly.
Donghae opened his mouth to protest, however the other sensed that and cut him off with a raise of his hand. “Don’t lie to me.” He spoke softly, rather than accusing the younger. He played with the soft locks of Hae’s hair, his dark eyes running up and down Hae’s form as he sat on his lap.
“You need to eat and you need to sleep.” Hyukkie’s words reflected those of Leeteuk’s, “It’s just a part of life, Donghae - something that you can’t ignore.”
He nuzzled into Donghae’s neck, his hot breath ghosting over the skin. “Please don’t worry me,” Hyukjae’s eyes shot upward to hold contact with the smaller male, “I worry enough about having to be away from you all the time.”
Donghae’s heart skipped a beat. While he had confessed any kind of feelings he had to Hyukjae, the latter was often very reserved and kept his own emotions mostly to himself. Now that Hae really thought about it… had the other ever told him the most significant three words? He had said things similar that meant he was in love with Donghae, however he had never actually told him straight out I love you.
“Hyukkie… Do you love me?” He barely mumbled out, but kept his ground by setting his eyes firmly on the older male. The other seemed taken aback from his abrupt question. Donghae watched him curiously. He noticed that Hyukjae was most readable when the younger tried to assess what was hidden in the black depths of his eyes, rather than just drown in them.
“Of course I do.” He responded a few seconds after a slight pause and there was one thing that the fish could definitely pick up - fear.
This confused Donghae, as he racked his brain for what could possibly be bothering the other man. The last thing he wanted to see was his Hyukjae upset. He probed further, pouting as he added, “Then, how come you’ve never actually told me?”
Hyukjae sighed, pulling away from his counterpart slightly as his expression was very serious. “Lee Donghae, I definitely - in every imaginable way - love you.” He huffed out and while at any other moment, Donghae could have died of excitement and sheer joy, he found himself swallowing anxiously.
“But…?” Hae knew that there was obviously something going on. He could tell by the other’s tone that there was something else lingering at the end of his sentence.
“It’s not fair for me to put you through this.” Hyukjae told him, while Hae reached out and squeezed his hand, assuring him that he didn’t mind however the other continued, “I can tell it’s been hard on you.”
The younger shook his head violently. “No, I’m fine,” He spoke sincerely, “I’m willing to go through anything as long as I get to be with you.”
The smile that tugged at Hyukjae’s lips was more melancholy than Donghae would’ve thought, what with his assuring words. There seemed to be something Hyukkie was hiding from him and Donghae wondered nervously if what he had said hadn’t helped at all.
“You don’t believe me?” Donghae squeaked out to which Hyukjae rejected such an idea by bringing his lips down to meet the others lovingly. His hands rubbed the younger’s sides as he tried to ease him.
“Of course I believe you.” He murmured when they needed to part for air. “But it’s really not safe for you to be willing to do anything for me. I don’t want you getting hurt.”
Donghae hugged him close to him, feeling the other’s heart beating rapidly. His cheeks warmed up, the feeling of Hyukjae caring so much for his well-being made his soul rejoice.
“I promise - no matter what - we will be together. And I never break my promises.”
The small male had not realized how tired he was, as his eyes soon drifted closed and as the world around him faded away, he didn’t even hear Hyukjae’s voice that was laced with incredible anxiety.
“You never promised you wouldn’t get hurt though.”
***
Donghae invested his attention on Hyukjae’s words over and over again. Hyukjae seemed really concerned about him. He had gone through most of his morning trying his best to be careful, making sure that he stayed in the exact same condition he had been in the night previous so that the older could be assured he didn’t need to worry about him. Donghae had perhaps freaked out a bit too much when he got a paper cut, however he just wanted to keep his lover happy.
As he thought over it, his eyes flickered up to notice his friends crowded in a huddled corner on the other side of the room, absorbed in their thoughts. He pushed out his chair and approached them carefully, overhearing fragments of their conversation that he tried to make sense of.
“I tried to look that guy up everywhere and found nothing.”
“Where did Donghae say he met him again?”
“How come we’ve never met him?”
Donghae went over to them shakily, looking around at his friends as they all whispered their concerns. “What’s going on here?”
There was a chorus of greetings and excuses, however Donghae could feel what was lying underneath the pleasant surface. They had been talking about him and Hyukjae, he realized. He wondered why they were being so secretive. He knew that they were worried about him, but he felt horribly out of the loop as they had all left him out of their discussion.
“Hey, Hae…” Yesung, the one sitting closed to him, brought up casually. “Have you seen Hyukjae lately?”
“We were just together last night,” The center of attention responded quietly. “Why?”
“He only visits you at night, yes?” Heechul cut his way into the conversation and Donghae merely nodded. His suspicion rising as he narrowed his eyes warily at the table.
“And he always leaves before you have to wake up in the morning.” The feminine man added in blatantly.
The boy that had all eyes drawn to him nodded yet again, seeming to shrink further back into his seat with everything that was brought up.
The only other outspoken male at the table - Kyuhyun - interjected, looking straight into Donghae’s eyes. “You know, we couldn’t find this ‘Lee Hyukjae’ no matter how hard we tried. And we’ve never laid our eyes on him once.”
Donghae was beginning to fidget nervously.
“Donghae,” The male being called directed his attention to Leeteuk, “Is this man real?”
Ice shot through his system, as he felt his heart stop in his chest. By now his whole body was quivering all over as reality sank in, however he immediately rejected it. Knocking over his chair as he stood up quickly, feeling dizzy as his legs tried to carry him away. He wanted to escape - to live longer in the fantasy world his heart that had been built to make him happy, even though it had only led to devastation.
“Of course he is!” He shouted, his eyes stinging as he ripped his jacket from off the chair and ran, while the others were too shocked to react immediately to his actions.
“Hae! Wait!” They called out to him, several trying to catch up with him, however he was long gone.
He sprinted out of the building, not planning on stopping until his legs completely gave out. Donghae didn’t know what he was doing, but his brain was convinced that if his hyungs found him that they’d force him to leave Hyukjae. They would make him vanish in his dream world, believing it was best for him and his health. He wouldn’t let them do that. He wouldn’t let them take away the one thing he treasured so deeply.
Donghae found himself in middle of an intersection, but as he dared to turn his head back he noticed that several of the others were rushing out to him. He was paralyzed with fear. They wouldn’t take his Hyukjae. They couldn’t take him away.
He wasn’t paying enough attention to what was going on around him, having been sent into a complete panic. The others called out to him multiple times, however he was unresponsive to them. Donghae failed to even notice the car barreling towards him. The driver was swerving in and out of control due to their earlier consumption of alcohol along with the dangerous condition of the wet and slippery road from the rain that poured out of the sky like the tears streaming down Donghae’s eyes.
His clothes began to stick to him because of being drenched in the rain and drops of water fell into his eyes from his bangs, making it impossible for him to see clearly. However, his focus was finally caught on the rapidly approaching vehicle and his breath caught in his throat. He did not notice the fact that it was heading right for him, instead he saw just the blur of the man behind the wheel. A man that he could’ve sworn was Hyukjae.
His sunken heart sprung to life again at the thought. His friends had been wrong - Hyukjae was right there in front of him. He’d finally joined the world that Donghae needed him most desperately. The sky - full of dark grey clouds boomed loudly as a bright white lightning bolt struck a tree right by the car, disorienting the driver further until it was clear he was going to impact into the boy that was transfixed at the sight of what he thought to be his lover.
Mere seconds before the car collided into his small form, Donghae smiled softly.
“I told you we would be together.”