DBSK Fic #2.1: Full Circle (1 to 3)
Title: FULL CIRCLE (1 to 3)
Pairing(s): Yunjae
Rating: PG13
Summary: For Jae Joong, it all started when he found a son. For Yunho, it all started when he lost his. The question is, what the ending will be for both.
A/N: Written for
tippingjug in the lovely
jaeho_exchange. Because I cannot write MPREG fics but absolutely adore the idea of parent!Jae Joong and parent!Yunho. XD Comments are my food. Please feed me? *cookies all around*
CHAPTER ONE
September 15, 200x
JaeJoong-ah,
I saw in the news about the typhoon in Seoul, and I hope you and Inhwan are alright. You don’t live anywhere near the Chunjie apartments, do you? What Namwon TV networks have been broadcasting here all day are the flooded parts of Seoul and the bridge that collapsed, the one near the Chunjie apartments, I suppose? I just caught a glimpse of the apartment sign when they flashed the news on TV, but I’m not so sure. I was trying to put out the fire in my toaster when the breaking news was flashed! Maybe I should heed your advice and put the TV out of my kitchen.
There’s not much rain here, it’s quite humid actually. By the way, the package came yesterday, with the morning newspaper. The pot was really great, I absolutely liked it. The blue-gray color fits my workoom, thanks. So, it now has its place of honor on the sill right in front of my work desk, although I still have no idea what to put in it. Perhaps you should start a pottery business, Jae Joong-ah, I’m sure it will do great.
Don’t trouble yourself so much about fighting with Inhwan, although that’s not to say you should do it often. It’s natural for him to get jealous every now and then, especially since you’ll be taking care of kids other than him. Though I almost choked on my coffee when you said he answered you back. Kids these days. But I’m glad you fought the urge to hit him, must’ve taken a lot from you. I’m sure he’ll get used to it eventually, just be patient some more?
Take care, don’t catch a cold.
Yunho
September 16, 200x
Hey, Yunho-ah, your email surprised me! I was expecting you to answer back tomorrow or Sunday. Don’t you like have, email bans, every Friday? It’s still the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard, ever. But I’m glad for your email, and I’m glad to know you received my package in one piece. I know it’s like, the most late birthday present ever (three months late, yeah XD), but that’s one of the first pots I’ve made after I moved my studio to the little cottage at the back of the house. I told you about that a few months ago? This week, I finished cleaning and replacing the ceiling and moving all my pots from upstairs. It looks good so far; it has these really big windows so it’s always sunny. Even Inhwan likes it.
We made up last night before he went to bed; Right after that, I wanted to hang myself because well, the whole thing’s really my fault. I didn’t realize that he did a lot of things in school yesterday (he won 5 stars for drawing his dream job - an architect XD) and that was what we should be talking about, not my first day in class with a bunch of Grade 3 elementary kids. As a peace offering, I’m planning to allow him two servings of ice cream for tonight, what do you think?
I hope you made it to your 9:00 am deadline today, and since I’m betting that you pulled an all-nighter, don’t fall asleep on your desk!
Jae Joong
P.S. We’re far from Chunjie, thanks for the thought. :)
September 17, 200x
Jae Joong,
Just a quick email to let you know that my mom stole the pot. I knew there was something fishy going on when I saw her coming in and out of my work room under the pretense that she was checking out the latest design I was working on. I should’ve hid it when she mentioned in passing that she wanted one like it! Bye, pot. Sorry, Jae Joong-ah. :(
Yunho
P.S.1 Went home with a bunch of lilies for the pot and ended up giving it to the old woman next door instead.
P.S.2 I’m glad you’re now fine with Inhwan! But will two servings of ice cream before sleeping be alright? Wow. I’d probably be awake until dawn.
September 17, 200x
Yunho,
My Inhwannie is an ice cream monster! (He got it from his mother. She can eat a whole tub by herself.)
I don’t know whether I should laugh or cry at your email, or at your mother. XD I’ll take it as a compliment, but I’m pretty sure this pottery thing will just stay as a hobby. I go to the department store every day and see the pots being sold and feel like a newbie with
“Now, that’s just boldly lying, Jae Joong-hyung.” An annoyed voice over his shoulder made Kim Jae Joong nearly fall off his seat in surprise, at the same time knocking over his glass of water all over his keyboard. The blonde Music teacher stood up in haste, grabbing a handful of tissues from the nearest dispenser and stopping the trail of water before it reached his nearby school materials. He glared at the person on the nearby cubicle, fighting the urge to throw the now-putty tissue roll in his hand. “Minnie, I told you not to sneak up on me-“
“There, there, Hyung. Have you run out of things to talk about? I can’t believe you’re talking to someone a hundred miles away about your pots and how bad they are.” Changmin shook his head, stacking the unchecked exam papers to one side of his table. He ignored the glare his way, “Why don’t you guys just meet up; that would’ve compressed all your two years worth of email correspondence into . . I don’t know, five hours of coffee?”
“Who drinks coffee for five goddamn hours?” Jae Joong answered with a hint of sarcasm, “And Yunho-ah doesn’t drink coffee; he’s a tea drinker.”
“One of these days you’re going to be telling me that he collected stamps when he was in high school, had his first kiss when he was 13 during the prom and Lalla is the name of his pet dog that got run over by a truck while he was out visiting his grandmother. He was 15 then.” Changmin said, a hint of amusement in his eyes. “You need a social life, Jae Joong-hyung. I mean, real friends. Or get yourself a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Someone you can actually know, Hyung. Actually see, not someone inside your Yahoo account.”
“Changmin, that’s not something you say to a single parent.” Jae Joong said, slumping back on his chair and hitting the “Save Draft” button on his email client. With Changmin there, there’s no way he’d get a decent email reply done. The window became a tiny icon on his taskbar, and the wallpaper of a 3-year old Inhwan smiled at him, wearing sunglasses that were almost as big as his face.
“Yep, you’re single, but you’re a parent. Single parent. Right.” Changmin said, shaking his head as he scribbled down his notebook. He looked to his side, to his older cousin. “Anyway, I think your pots are good. Better than the ones Mom buy, at least. You gave one to the Jung Yunho?”
Jae Joong nodded, “He got himself a new apartment, so I thought it would be great if I give him a housewarming gift, and a belated birthday present too. Three weeks ago.”
“How can you give presents to someone you have never seen your entire life?” Changmin looked offended; it was as if the biology teacher was talking to himself than to Jae Joong. “You never make me anything. You’re odd. Normal people don’t do that.”
“That makes the two of us.” Jae Joong shrugged, pointing to the pale blue cotton scarf around his neck. He smiled a little, “Got this one last year as a Christmas gift; he even gave a matching one for Inhwan, but you know that boy doesn’t look good in pale colors. It ended up being a pillow cover.”
Changmin stared at him like he had grown two heads, stared at his scarf like it was made of gold, and shook his head vehemently. “And you’ve never talked to each other outside of email.”
“What - you mean, over the phone?” Jae Joong shook his head. “Nope. Not once. Not ever. And why would we? We’re not teenagers anymore, Changmin. We’re adults.” Then Jae Joong frowned, “Well, besides from the fact that we don’t have a home phone.”
“And you’ve never even seen each other.”
Jae Joong let out a small laugh through his nose. “No. Not once in the two years.”
“Not even in pictures?”
“Who likes to send their pictures to strangers on the internet?” Jae Joong frowned.
“So you tell him that you’re a single parent and that you make pots and you gave him your home address so he can send Christmas gifts over, instead? Well, that makes perfect, logical sense.”
“You don’t need to see someone else’s face to say that you’re friends,” The blonde teacher said, each word punctuated with a press on the Enter Key as he tried to continue his daily evaluation report. New teachers were asked to do this for their first two weeks in the job. “And . . . I don’t know, I guess it’s different. There’s comfort in talking about your lives like this, but there are things you don’t say, things you don’t show. It’s all fine that way. And I’m sure he thinks the same, because he never pressed for more.”
There was no reply back from Changmin, but Jae Joong caught the faraway look on his younger cousin’s eyes as he chewed one end of his pen. He twisted his seat so he was facing away from his desk and to the other’s place. “Changmin-ah, what’s wrong?”
“Huh?”
“What’s with the questions?”
“Smart people ask, Hyung.” He made a gagging sound when he realized that he had already bit a small chunk of the plastic end of his pen. It was lunch time, after all.
“No, really.” Jae Joong pressed.
“Well, I was wondering if I’m willing to be an accomplice to this whole abnormal situation you’re in, but I’m too hungry to think about it. Not that I’m encouraging you, though. Can we eat lunch after this too?” Changmin twisted his swivel chair. He pulled out a piece of paper in his right breast pocket, eyeing it curiously then gave it to Jae Joong. “Here, greatest news of the century.”
The music teacher’s eyes widened to the size of plates, and Changmin wished he had a camera then. He just grinned instead, although he didn’t know why. “He called while you were having your second class. All the way from Namwon. And he’s hoping you’d call him back.”
CHAPTER TWO
He was 23 then, just a year out of university and was juggling two part-time jobs to pay for his food and rent when they, social workers they were called, and a lawyer, suddenly appeared in his doorstep. One minute ago he was trying to fix the damn bulb in his bathroom because it kept on flickering like some horror movie, and the next minute he knew there was a three-year old kid in his couch, looking at him like he was the first man on earth he ever saw.
----------------------------
Inhwan, that’s his name, yes. He’s turning three this year. Isn’t he adorable? The social worker said, running her wrinkly slender hands through the little boy’s hair, nearly black yet not, almost auburn, and wavy. His cheeks were pink from climbing up the seven flights of stairs they had to climb to reach Kim Jae Joong’s apartment, just because the boy insisted on walking. The moment Jae Joong saw his parents’ names and his older sister - he remembered flinching a bit - written on the papers he stopped asking questions, took the pen, plunged. Yes, please sign here. And here too. Here as well. Money’s no problem, there’s a trust fund for him as provided by your parents.
He looks like you, one of them said almost amusedly when they were about to leave, and he wanted to hit her with the stroller they bought just because he felt like it. Of course his mother’s my sister, what did you expect, he wanted to ask, but if he did he knew he’d feel like asking more questions, like why did you dump her kid on me and who does she think she is, getting pregnant and going off on her own way just like that. And these were questions that shouldn’t be asked, just because he knew that they were never going to be answered.
He was 23 then, just a year out of university and was juggling two part-time jobs to pay for his food and rent, and to feed a three-year old son. Independent city life must be like that, Jae Joong once mused. Everything was fast-paced. Instant coffee. Instant noodles. Instant Dad.
----------------------------
Raising Inhwan hadn’t been as difficult and horrible as he expected during the first few days; in fact, he had to admit that it didn’t take long for him to say that he was enjoying it. Truth be told, it had its own benefits for him too; his parents was providing for the monetary needs of the boy, a fund from his sister’s inheritance, and that meant living a little better than he did before Inhwan came. As a matter of fact, they were even able to find a better, more comfortable and yet affordable apartment in the heart of Seoul. It was the first time that Jae Joong found himself in the capital, found himself not having to work at least two jobs.
It was an entirely new experience for him, confusing and frightening and fulfilling at the same time, for reasons he couldn’t entirely comprehend, but he knew that the bright-eyed boy’s cheeky smile and his “I love you, Joongie-hyung.” must have something to do with it. The fatherly attachment came slowly and subtly, like the silent blossoming of summer flowers, and suddenly Jae Joong found his life vivid with bright colors. Living his life with Inhwan threw him from one end of the spectrum of human emotions to the other.
And Jae Joong would think once in a while, when he wakes up during one rainy morning to find himself in the living room couch, an Inhwan in hamtaro pajamas sleeping atop of him and sucking his thumb, or when they bake cupcakes together and Inhwan ends up spraying the icing on his apron and cheek rather than on the cake, or when Inhwan says “I love you too, hyung.” before he goes to sleep, that he liked this kind of feeling.
----------------------------
Changmin called it the “first day of school jitters”.
It was less than two weeks before Inhwan’s first day of school, when the sleepless nights came. Jae Joong didn’t have any problems arranging Inhwan’s school papers, he was excited as a matter of fact, but as the day came nearer, so did his anxiety. It was the first time in three years that he won’t be with Inhwan for more than two hours, and the jitters made him cranky, impatient, especially since Inhwan seemed so excited about it.
Before he knew it he had joined an online forum for parenting (he saw it from the “Good Parenting” book that Changmin gave him a few months ago). It took him three days worth of thinking before he actually started a thread entitled, “Kindergarten School?” (It was supposed to be “My son’s going to school for the first time and I think I’m going to have a heart attack just thinking about it”, but board rules restricted the number of words in a Forum Thread.)
Kindergarten School?
Posted by memyselfandmyson
My son’s going to school for the first time (in less than a week), and I’m not sure how to deal with it. I can’t sleep just thinking about it, and of course I feel guilty, because he’s so excited. Is that even normal?
In two days, he had gotten more than ten replies, some of which were just hilarious, and some were even downright annoying. Someone even said, “I don’t mean to be an ass, but you sure don’t sound like a parent.” while someone suggested three different names of sleeping pills. At least most of the replies were sympathetic, it’s kind of normal, which was actually kind of comforting, but everything eventually boiled down to one thing. You’ll get used to the idea.
But Jae Joong wasn’t getting used to it. When the first day of school was only three days away, he woke up from a two-hour sleep with a bad fever and threw up his dinner down the toilet (Inhwan made him milk, but unfortunately the little boy mistook salt for sugar). Changmin diagnosed it as flu, and insisted that he keep his godson for the whole day while Jae Joong rested. I don’t want to go, Changmin-hyung, I want to stay with Joongie-hyung, but Changmin was adamant, and of course, bribing Inhwan with his favorite steamed buns did the trick.
Alone and sick and miserable, Jae Joong found himself checking his emails, and was vaguely surprised when his Microsoft Outlook spilled out a notice. Someone replied to your post entitled “Kindergarten School”. You may check the post here. The last reply to that thread is four days ago.
Re: Kindergarten School?
Posted by memyselfandmyson
My son’s going to school for the first time (in less than a week), and I’m not sure how to deal with it. I can’t sleep just thinking about it, and of course I feel guilty, because he’s so excited. Is that even normal?
REPLY:
It’s going to be difficult, but you can start with trusting your son a little. They pick it up when we do, and they probably don’t understand what the feeling is, but they end up making sure we don’t hurt ourselves with all the worrying.
Posted by blue_eyes_blue
It was the only answer he remembered ever replying a “Thanks” to.
When Changmin returned Inhwan that evening, they ordered pizza for dinner and ate it while watching reruns of Slam Dunk. Jae Joong found himself looking at Inhwan the whole night, realizing that he was already six and not three, and when Inhwan came running to fetch a small rug to wipe his spilled juice without being told, he realized that the stranger was right.
And he dozed off into blissful sleep that night after all fourteen sleepless nights, Inhwan’s little fingers curled softly around his hand.
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The next time he visited that forum was three months later, when he just gave up on clicking a million websites on interior design, trying to decide what design he should paint Inhwan’s room with. Father and son had finally decided that it was high time that Inhwan get a room of his own, and they’ll be converting the small storeroom into his own little paradise.
As expected he received ten million replies on such a simple request, with twice as much links to websites on kids’ bedrooms and Jae Joong wondered why he still bothered to visit the forum in the first place.
And just like before, when he had almost completely forgotten about posting it in the forum, his Microsoft Outlook spilled another notice. Someone replied to your post entitled “Painting for first bedroom?”. You may check the post here. The last reply to that thread is twelve days ago.
Re: Painting for first bedroom?
Posted by memyselfandmyson
Hi. Have a simple request. We’re making my kid’s first bedroom and I was wondering if you guys have any recommendations on layout and paint. The room’s got one big window (from top to bottom) which makes it really sunny and bright; I was thinking of using the natural lighting to our advantage, and use the paint just as complement. Any suggestions?
REPLY:
I don’t know if you’re still going to read this, but I suggest this layout and color: http://heavenandclouds.co.kr/design/children/JY/blue_eyes.php
. I think it’s appropriate for rooms with natural lighting, such as yours (or your kid’s).
P.S. I remember your earlier post about the first day of school. You’re welcome. :)
It’s him. Or her. Again.
And he found himself clicking and looking and smiling, just because he found the design of the room to be simple and perfect and exactly what he was looking for. The beauty of the sample bedroom was captured by the camera under early morning light, and the white-blue hues of the walls bounced off the natural brightness from the single large window near a small bed. The contrast emphasized the window even more, but made gave the room a gleeful, light and warm and cloudy feeling.
Jae Joong immediately grabbed the nearest piece of pen and paper, wrote down the address of the page so that he won’t forget, so he can show it to Changmin and Inhwan. And just so he could leave a constructive comment on the page, he searched for the contact details.
Design name: Blue Eyes Blue
Design by Jung Yunho (Junior Architect)
Contact: jung.yunho@heavenandclouds.co.kr
----------------------------
The private message in that online forum became history. The correspondence over the next few weeks began with a simple Mr. Jung, thank you - I modified it a little bit - that’s alright, I don’t mind, we’re a democratic country, Mr. Kim - We only painted three walls because my son likes to draw and I thought we’d leave one wall white and bare so he can draw and scribble on it - I think that’s a very brilliant idea, Mr. Kim - What paint brand did you actually use for the sample bedroom? - Ocean blue from the Pastel line of Boysen Paints - Are you sure I don’t need to pay like. . consultation fees, Mr. Jung? - No, I gave it as a recommendation and I’m glad you liked it, Mr. Kim.
The weeks turned into months and into years, and the Mr. Jung became Yunho-ah and Mr. Kim became Jae Joong-hyung became Jae Joong-ah and “your son” became Inhwannie. “Here” became Seoul and “Back there” became Namwon. And it didn’t matter that they were ten million miles away from each other. They were friends.
----------------------------
It had come out of the blue, one summer day after almost a year of friendly emails when Jae Joong had offhandedly commented about Yunho’s skills with children. He couldn’t help it, he was in high spirits; the young architect had advised him a few days earlier how to surprise Inhwan on his 7th birthday and he did what Yunho had suggested. Inhwan wouldn’t let him go the whole day, saying “I love you really like this muuuuuuuuch hyung, thank you for my coolest paint set!” over and over and smothering him with chocolate marble-flavored kisses.
Inhwan loved it, thank you so much. If you were here I’d give you a slice of his cake but since you’re not I’m attaching a cake picture instead. XD Your son/ daughter must be lucky, Yunho-ah.
Yunho replied after almost a week, much later than his usual replies.
I lost my son, a few years back. But thank you, Jae Joong-ah. I appreciate the thought. :)
Jae Joong sent an email that consist of a hundred apologies, once he got his bearings back after crying for the first time in his life over a simple email. Almost immediately, Yunho had replied with a smiley face, nothing else, and they never talked about it again.
----------------------------
Jae Joong’s palms were cold as he approached the phone on the secretary’s table, the little piece of paper where Changmin hastily scribbled a phone number looking surreal to him. Yunho called him. Jung Yunho. And at his workplace, no less, considering that he just received a new email from him no less than two hours ago. His heart was doing cardiac pyrotechnics in his chest - badumpbadumpbadump - as he took the receiver and punched in the numbers. Namwon, undoubtedly, with that little area code attached before the 7-digit number.
Why and what and how and many more questions danced in his head, to the tune of the ringing on the other end of the line and oh my holy crap this is real and there is really a person behind those emails and he’s real and -
“Heaven and Clouds. Hello?”
“Uh,” He swallowed a lump in his throat, and he suddenly felt dizzy. “Mr. Jung Yunho. . . er. Please?”
A pause. A very pregnant pause. “Jae Joong-ah?”
I need to sit down, Jae Joong thought almost frantically as black spots began dancing in front of his eyes. Jung Yunho is indeed real and Jae Joong decided that his voice had a nice timbre, better than Changmin’s. Warm and hinting of an amused smile. “Uh, yes? I mean, yes! This is Jae Joong, Sir! I mean, no, hi! Kim Jae Joong.” He hit his forehead with his palm for sounding so dumb. “ . . . Yunho-ah?”
“Wow,” There was a long deep breath on the other end of the line. Nervous laugh followed. “Wow, this is. . . . wow. Sorry, I mean. . . I’m just. . .wow, amazing. Amazed, I mean. I’m actually talking to you. Jae Joong-ah!”
“Yeah,” Jae Joong agreed, twisting the phone cord in his fingers. “I can’t believe it either.”
Silence.
And then they both burst out “Wow” at the same time, and Jae Joong couldn’t remember the last time he had laughed so heartedly the way he was doing at that moment, just because Jung Yunho was laughing at the other end of the line too, in between repetitions of “amazing” and “I can’t believe it” and “wow, you’re actually a real person!” and “this is so . . . abnormal!”.
“I got your phone number in one your emails, I think it was an accident,” Yunho said after a while, “You used your work e-mail once, your signature was on it. Turns out it was your old job and . . . . well they gave me this and . . . here I am, talking to you!”
“I’m surprised out of my wits, actually.” Jae Joong said, scratching his head. “I was just answering your latest email about the pot.”
“Yes, no thanks to my mother.” Jae Joong heard a smirk. “Oh anyway, the reason I called. . . uh, this is really odd and stuff, I mean . . . well,” Pause, and then a deep breath. “I got this one-week trip to Seoul . . . for work . . and . . I was wondering if. . .”
“You’re going here?” Jae Joong’s eyes widened, “Wow. And just when I thought you’ve already shocked the freaking hell out of me. I mean, sorry for being impolite but.”
“Yeah,” Nervous laugh, “I’ve never been to Seoul, and I needed to go to some places and I was thinking . . . well, if it’s not so much to ask . . .”
“Oh, I see.” Jae Joong said, nodding his head, “Sure. What exactly do you need? If you need a place to stay I know of some cheap apartments, and I can help you if you need to rent a car or something.” He paused for a while, “Where are you staying, anyway?”
“I’ve got this booking on . .,” Some shuffling at Yunho’s end, “Pan Pacific Seoul.”
Jae Joong whistled appreciatively, the image of one of Seoul’s most exquisite hotels flashing in his mind. He laughed, “I was just about to offer our house, but I’m sure even the smallest bathroom in Pan Pacific is larger than my entire house.”
“I was betting on that, actually.” Yunho said with amusement, taking the well-meant joke. “But I didn’t want to bother you, seeing that I’d be arriving . . . tomorrow lunchtime.”
Pause.
“Congratulations, Yunho-ah, you just stopped my heart for the second time today.” Jae Joong replied, then grabbed a blank piece of paper from the secretary’s desk, and a pen. Thank God she was out for lunch or she’d probably bite his fingers off. “I’ll come fetch you from the airport. Believe me, you wouldn’t want to hail a cab and tell the driver that you’re staying in THE Pan Pacific. Especially with Seoul rains these days.”
Yunho laughed, and he decided that yes, his laugh is way better than Changmin’s. It was warm, reminding him of Inhwan’s own laughter. That’s odd, he thought. I miss Inhwannie. “Are you sure, Jae Joong-ah? I don’t want to disturb you; the best I was hoping for was a short lunch so you can just give me some tips on driving around town and -“
“Flight number and time, Yunho-ah?”
“Uh,” More shuffling. “Oh man, I’m so sorry. To be honest, I wasn’t really even expecting you to call back. Are you sure? I mean -“
“If that’s reverse psychology you’re doing -“
“What?” Yunho sounded mortified. “NO!”
“Fine. Lunch. And coffee, if you like, just. . .please.” Jae Joong shook his head. He didn’t realize how tightly he was clutching the receiver until he felt his fingers complaining.
Pause. “PR 2305B. 1:20 pm. Terminal #3.”
“I’ll be there.” He folded the piece of paper, whipped out his wallet and placed it there.
The bell ending lunch time rang across the faculty room, followed by the sound of lunch boxes being kept and things being grabbed and he heard Changmin shout from across the room, “Hyung! What kind of telephone call is that?! You’ve been there for ten thousand years and I’m hungry!” He stood up, ready to end the call. A hungry Changmin is never a force to reckon with, but then again, that boy could eat a hamburger in record time. “See you then, Yunho-ah. Back to work.”
“Oh, okay.” Yunho said, embarrassment still evident in his voice. “This is still . . . wow. Unbelievable. Look, if you change your mind, it’s alright! I can find my way to the hotel and . . .,” A pause, as if he realized he was rambling. “Wait, was that the bell? Please don’t tell me I disturbed your lunch.”
“See you tomorrow, Yunho-ah,” Jae Joong said. What a funny guy, he thought. “Goodbye.”
“Right. Goodbye, Jae Joong-ah. It was nice talking to you, finally.” A pause, and it was odd how Jae Joong could imagine Jung Yunho smiling at the other end of the line. “And by the way, you . . . you have a very pleasant voice.”
Jae Joong found himself smiling, and he wanted to say, you too, even better than how I imagined you’d probably sound, not that I really dwell on that, but yes, when I think about it now, it did cross my mind from time to time. But he didn’t, and a soft “Thank you. Goodbye.” came out instead.
CHAPTER THREE
The weather was not the best when Jae Joong drove his car downtown and to the Seoul airport, and it added to his wry mood because the parking for Terminal #3 was full and he had to park in Terminal #2 instead. That meant that he had to walk a relatively long distance under quite a heavy drizzle, and by the time he reached the lobby for Terminal #3, he was more than a little wet, his boots muddy, and the edge of his brown trench coat dotted with mud because he had to run on wet airport grounds. So much for trying to look presentable. And goodness, that trench coat was brand-spanking-new.
He had dropped Changmin and Inhwan by the large supermarket-department store near the arrival terminal, because it was grocery day today and if he wasn’t in the airport he’d be doing it by himself and his son. Inhwan didn’t look too happy that Jae Joong wasn’t coming; he never said a word during the 30-minute ride, wore a disappointed pout from the moment he boarded the car until they got down in the unloading area.
“Don’t encourage him to play catch with the tissue rolls, Changmin.” Jae Joong said pointedly to his dongsaeng through the car window, as he revved the engine back to life. “I’m sure you don’t want to pay for an entire shelf of broken pickle jars again.”
“You’ve got to admit that that was a nice touchdown!” His younger cousin quipped, ruffling little Inhwan’s hair as he grinned. “Right, Inhwan?”
“Are you . . . really not coming, Joongie?” The six-year old boy asked softly, looking at his shoes, slightly wet from the rain. He was holding his favorite soccer ball under one arm. “. . . please? Please please?” The statement We always do this together hung in the damp morning air.
“Joongie has an appointment, honey.” Jae Joong said, quite apologetically. Truth be told, he was still too dumbstruck with the truth of meeting Jung Yunho that he totally forgot about their weekly ritual, until Inhwan had jumped on his bed to wake him up, chatting excitedly about the grocery trip. He reached over the passenger seat and into the window, extending his pinky. “How about . . . I promise to buy you a box of your favorite doughnuts when I come home?”
Inhwan turned his back, Jae Joong’s pinky offering ignored.
“That means I don’t get a goodbye kiss, then.” Jae Joong muttered to himself, straightening himself on the driver’s seat and shaking his head. “I’ll see you this afternoon, guys. I love you, Inhwannie.”
There was no answer.
----------------------------
The Delifrance restaurant inside the terminal where they had agreed to meet was almost empty when Jae Joong arrived. It was 1:30 p.m. His eyes scanned the place, customers of groups of two or three and nobody looked at him when he came in.
He settled in the corner farthest from the air-conditioning unit, a booth for two that had a full view of the airport landing, though the glass was slightly fogged from the slight rain. Jae Joong rubbed his hands frantically. Jitters. Bad. It didn’t help that his coat was damp and his boots slightly soaked.
Suddenly he felt like he was doing something illegal, something reckless, meeting someone he had only known by his email address and funny stories about Namwon life and designing houses and children’s bedrooms, and he didn’t even know how the other person looked like. But the two years of online friendship had to mean something, and it was this knowledge that made him less scared, less nervous for doing something he’d hardly call . . . responsible.
Every time the door opened Jae Joong’s heart would skip a beat, and eventually his fingers had lost all feeling, despite the fact that restaurant was quite warm and cozy. He had almost finished half of his brewed drink when the doors opened once again, and a young couple came in, the woman carrying a baby, with luggage in tow. They left with a box of doughnuts. Perhaps he should’ve gone shopping with Inhwan and Changmin first before he came here, he thought as he fished for his mobile phone and scanned the directory for Changmin’s number. He had to do something to pass the time. Anything. The clock in the wall said it was already 3 p.m.
“Are you,” A sharp intake of breath, “Kim Jae Joong?”
Jae Joong looked up to see him, breathing a little heavily as he stood there, several strands of his black-brown hair shining with water drops as if he had run under the rain, his cheeks a little pink. The black coat he had over a striped knitted shirt was slightly wet too, the rain making dark random patterns in the fabric, like those in his jeans. He was wearing a small frown, his lips quivering slightly as he tried to catch his breath, big black bag hoisted over one shoulder.
“Yes.” Jae Joong found himself saying, as he slowly rose to his feet. He felt the knots in the stomach he had felt since that morning strangely starting to dissipate, and he heard himself let out a long deep breath that he wasn’t even aware that he was holding. And God, that felt good. “Yes. Yes, I am.”
Then Jung Yunho’s eyes lit up slightly and his lips curved into a smile, and Jae Joong could almost say that he had seen only a few things in his life that were as familiar, as warm, as beautiful.
----------------------------
The drive to the Pan Pacific was mostly quiet, the silence in the car quite a little awkward. The 30-minute ride fell into a predictable cycle. Jae Joong would ask a question - how was the trip, was it comfortable? Was the plane delayed? - and Yunho would answer - yes, it was alright - laugh a little (he laughs nicely, Jae Joong thought), trace random patterns in his seatbelt as if he was thinking of something to say next, but in the end he won’t, and Jae Joong would have to think of something new to talk about again.
The trip to the parking lot had been livelier though, Yunho apologizing profusely for being late. On their way Jae Joong had noticed a green plastic bag that he was carrying, recognized it from the same grocery store where he had dropped Changmin and Inhwan off, and offhandedly commented, “You’ve been around?” to start a conversation. But it only set off Yunho’s tirade of apologies.
“I was supposed to get back earlier, but I couldn’t find the engineering section,” Yunho said sheepishly, scratching his head. He had to buy some empty blueprints for work. “But that store was insanely huge!”
“Well, that’s Seoul for you, Yunho-ah.”
“I think I must’ve gone in a few circles before I even found the exit door.” Yunho said, letting out an amused laughter. “There was even this beautiful child that pointed me to it.”
Jae Joong liked quiet rides, but at that moment he felt that he had to talk, because he could feel Jung Yunho’s eyes on him as he was driving - assessing, measuring - and he was slowly feeling conscious, too conscious. It was funny at first - he could see Yunho looking at him at the corner of his eye every now and then - but it was beginning to make him feel uncomfortable. Is it my hair? Is there something on my cheek? My shirt?
“What?” He asked suddenly, sparing a glance to Yunho, who seemed surprised at the question.
“What?”
“Um,” Jae Joong suddenly felt embarrassed, wondering if he was just imagining that Yunho was staring, and it would be conceited in his part if he was indeed wrong. They turned into another street, at the end of which was the hotel. “I was. . . I was. . . just wondering what got your attention. Or you’re just not really the talking kind, Yunho-ah?”
“Oh,” Yunho replied, and he gave out a low, slightly embarrassed laugh. “Do you think I’m not the talking kind, Jae Joong-ah?”
“Well,” he replied after a thoughtful pause, “Your emails . . .” Jae Joong tried to think of a proper word, “are quite enjoyable to read. So I just thought you’re. . . ”
“A little more sociable?” Yunho finished almost immediately, and then laughed once more. “I am. Or, I’d like to think that I am. It’s just that, your hair is the blackest I’ve ever seen, it’s quite hard not to look at it.” He paused, “I’m sorry, did I make you . . . uncomfortable?”
“Oh, no. Not at all.” Jae Joong lied, shaking his head to stress his answer. Yet he could feel heat rising in his cheeks.
He heard Yunho laugh softly, and he sounded amused. At the corner of his eye he saw Yunho turn slightly at his seat, and now his back was almost facing Jae Joong. “Then you must have gotten used to it.”
By the time Jae Joong had thought of a reply to that, the silence in the car had already stretched to a couple of minutes, and he thought it was better not to disturb it. He just continued driving.
----------------------------
Walking in the grand lobby of the Pan Pacific Seoul made Jae Joong feel horribly underdressed, out of place, and he decided to just stare at his boots as they made their way to the information desk, but he realized just how horrible his muddy boots looked against the shiny, almost-transparent marble floor. He watched with amusement as Yunho blended almost naturally with the crowd there, despite his casual clothes, his steps firm and calculated. He had that kind of air, almost stately and regal and refined, and it didn’t matter that he was carrying a big black bag that crumpled the left sleeve of his black coat, and that he was carrying the bright green grocery bag.
“Just let me put down my stuff, Jae Joong-ah, and then we could find some place to eat.” Yunho said over his shoulder, as the man opened the door of his hotel, Jae Joong trailing behind him. He was still debating whether he should remove his boots by the door, just so he wouldn’t ruin the velvet, shiny Persian carpet. Yunho’s voice sounded distant, punctuated by the sound of a door closing shut. He must’ve found the bedroom. “Make yourself comfortable.”
This is not a hotel room, Jae Joong thought as he slowly made his way down the short hallway to find himself in the living room, fully furnished and immaculately white and shiny. And Jae Joong could see his full-length reflection in front of him, and the cloudy cityscape of Seoul, though the panorama was slightly blurry because the crystal wall had already been fogged by the afternoon’s rain. Too big, too big, Jae Joong thought, and he wondered if the emptiness won’t drive Yunho crazy.
“Yunho-ah?” He called out softly as he went to the hallway to his left, his steps quiet. The space was making him almost uncomfortable, lonely, and it had already been a few minutes since Yunho had left him there. He stopped in front of the closed door to his right, and knocked softly. “Yunho-ah?”
No answer. He knocked once more, louder this time. “Yunho-ah? Are you there?”
Are the walls padded? He thought with a frown, after a third knocking that only received silence as a reply. The brass door knob felt cold against Jae Joong’s fingers as he wrapped them around it, trying to make the smallest noise just so he wouldn’t surprise his guest, nor make him feel that he was intruding. He turned the knob, opened the door slightly and peered inside. “Yun -“
“Jae Joong-ah.”
“Holy mother of - Yunho-ah!” Jae Joong’s hand flew to his chest, his heart pounding in his chest for a hundred miles per second. He had turned around too fast that the room continued to spin for a few seconds. Yunho was standing in front of him, eyeing him strangely. The door on the other side of the hallway was open.
“Are you . . . alright? Sorry I took a while.” Yunho said almost embarrassingly, and then pointed his thumb towards the open door. “The bedroom’s got a good view of downtown; I got dumbstruck for a bit.”
“Oh, yeah. Sorry, I was calling and I thought. . . ” Jae Joong said after a while, gathering his wits. He frowned a little, and then placed his hands nervously in his pockets. “Are you . . . expecting someone? This bedroom . . .”
He spared a glance at the door behind him, the brass knob digging slightly at his back. The unit has two bedrooms. This room . . .is a double suite.
Yunho looked at him without expression. Jae Joong thought that he saw the brown eyes darken a bit, but a small smile immediately replaced the expression even before he could name what it was. “No.” came the curt reply, “I just like the extra space.”
ON TO:
Chapters 4 & 5
Pairing(s): Yunjae
Rating: PG13
Summary: For Jae Joong, it all started when he found a son. For Yunho, it all started when he lost his. The question is, what the ending will be for both.
A/N: Written for
tippingjug in the lovely
jaeho_exchange. Because I cannot write MPREG fics but absolutely adore the idea of parent!Jae Joong and parent!Yunho. XD Comments are my food. Please feed me? *cookies all around*
CHAPTER ONE
September 15, 200x
JaeJoong-ah,
I saw in the news about the typhoon in Seoul, and I hope you and Inhwan are alright. You don’t live anywhere near the Chunjie apartments, do you? What Namwon TV networks have been broadcasting here all day are the flooded parts of Seoul and the bridge that collapsed, the one near the Chunjie apartments, I suppose? I just caught a glimpse of the apartment sign when they flashed the news on TV, but I’m not so sure. I was trying to put out the fire in my toaster when the breaking news was flashed! Maybe I should heed your advice and put the TV out of my kitchen.
There’s not much rain here, it’s quite humid actually. By the way, the package came yesterday, with the morning newspaper. The pot was really great, I absolutely liked it. The blue-gray color fits my workoom, thanks. So, it now has its place of honor on the sill right in front of my work desk, although I still have no idea what to put in it. Perhaps you should start a pottery business, Jae Joong-ah, I’m sure it will do great.
Don’t trouble yourself so much about fighting with Inhwan, although that’s not to say you should do it often. It’s natural for him to get jealous every now and then, especially since you’ll be taking care of kids other than him. Though I almost choked on my coffee when you said he answered you back. Kids these days. But I’m glad you fought the urge to hit him, must’ve taken a lot from you. I’m sure he’ll get used to it eventually, just be patient some more?
Take care, don’t catch a cold.
Yunho
September 16, 200x
Hey, Yunho-ah, your email surprised me! I was expecting you to answer back tomorrow or Sunday. Don’t you like have, email bans, every Friday? It’s still the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard, ever. But I’m glad for your email, and I’m glad to know you received my package in one piece. I know it’s like, the most late birthday present ever (three months late, yeah XD), but that’s one of the first pots I’ve made after I moved my studio to the little cottage at the back of the house. I told you about that a few months ago? This week, I finished cleaning and replacing the ceiling and moving all my pots from upstairs. It looks good so far; it has these really big windows so it’s always sunny. Even Inhwan likes it.
We made up last night before he went to bed; Right after that, I wanted to hang myself because well, the whole thing’s really my fault. I didn’t realize that he did a lot of things in school yesterday (he won 5 stars for drawing his dream job - an architect XD) and that was what we should be talking about, not my first day in class with a bunch of Grade 3 elementary kids. As a peace offering, I’m planning to allow him two servings of ice cream for tonight, what do you think?
I hope you made it to your 9:00 am deadline today, and since I’m betting that you pulled an all-nighter, don’t fall asleep on your desk!
Jae Joong
P.S. We’re far from Chunjie, thanks for the thought. :)
September 17, 200x
Jae Joong,
Just a quick email to let you know that my mom stole the pot. I knew there was something fishy going on when I saw her coming in and out of my work room under the pretense that she was checking out the latest design I was working on. I should’ve hid it when she mentioned in passing that she wanted one like it! Bye, pot. Sorry, Jae Joong-ah. :(
Yunho
P.S.1 Went home with a bunch of lilies for the pot and ended up giving it to the old woman next door instead.
P.S.2 I’m glad you’re now fine with Inhwan! But will two servings of ice cream before sleeping be alright? Wow. I’d probably be awake until dawn.
September 17, 200x
Yunho,
My Inhwannie is an ice cream monster! (He got it from his mother. She can eat a whole tub by herself.)
I don’t know whether I should laugh or cry at your email, or at your mother. XD I’ll take it as a compliment, but I’m pretty sure this pottery thing will just stay as a hobby. I go to the department store every day and see the pots being sold and feel like a newbie with
“Now, that’s just boldly lying, Jae Joong-hyung.” An annoyed voice over his shoulder made Kim Jae Joong nearly fall off his seat in surprise, at the same time knocking over his glass of water all over his keyboard. The blonde Music teacher stood up in haste, grabbing a handful of tissues from the nearest dispenser and stopping the trail of water before it reached his nearby school materials. He glared at the person on the nearby cubicle, fighting the urge to throw the now-putty tissue roll in his hand. “Minnie, I told you not to sneak up on me-“
“There, there, Hyung. Have you run out of things to talk about? I can’t believe you’re talking to someone a hundred miles away about your pots and how bad they are.” Changmin shook his head, stacking the unchecked exam papers to one side of his table. He ignored the glare his way, “Why don’t you guys just meet up; that would’ve compressed all your two years worth of email correspondence into . . I don’t know, five hours of coffee?”
“Who drinks coffee for five goddamn hours?” Jae Joong answered with a hint of sarcasm, “And Yunho-ah doesn’t drink coffee; he’s a tea drinker.”
“One of these days you’re going to be telling me that he collected stamps when he was in high school, had his first kiss when he was 13 during the prom and Lalla is the name of his pet dog that got run over by a truck while he was out visiting his grandmother. He was 15 then.” Changmin said, a hint of amusement in his eyes. “You need a social life, Jae Joong-hyung. I mean, real friends. Or get yourself a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Someone you can actually know, Hyung. Actually see, not someone inside your Yahoo account.”
“Changmin, that’s not something you say to a single parent.” Jae Joong said, slumping back on his chair and hitting the “Save Draft” button on his email client. With Changmin there, there’s no way he’d get a decent email reply done. The window became a tiny icon on his taskbar, and the wallpaper of a 3-year old Inhwan smiled at him, wearing sunglasses that were almost as big as his face.
“Yep, you’re single, but you’re a parent. Single parent. Right.” Changmin said, shaking his head as he scribbled down his notebook. He looked to his side, to his older cousin. “Anyway, I think your pots are good. Better than the ones Mom buy, at least. You gave one to the Jung Yunho?”
Jae Joong nodded, “He got himself a new apartment, so I thought it would be great if I give him a housewarming gift, and a belated birthday present too. Three weeks ago.”
“How can you give presents to someone you have never seen your entire life?” Changmin looked offended; it was as if the biology teacher was talking to himself than to Jae Joong. “You never make me anything. You’re odd. Normal people don’t do that.”
“That makes the two of us.” Jae Joong shrugged, pointing to the pale blue cotton scarf around his neck. He smiled a little, “Got this one last year as a Christmas gift; he even gave a matching one for Inhwan, but you know that boy doesn’t look good in pale colors. It ended up being a pillow cover.”
Changmin stared at him like he had grown two heads, stared at his scarf like it was made of gold, and shook his head vehemently. “And you’ve never talked to each other outside of email.”
“What - you mean, over the phone?” Jae Joong shook his head. “Nope. Not once. Not ever. And why would we? We’re not teenagers anymore, Changmin. We’re adults.” Then Jae Joong frowned, “Well, besides from the fact that we don’t have a home phone.”
“And you’ve never even seen each other.”
Jae Joong let out a small laugh through his nose. “No. Not once in the two years.”
“Not even in pictures?”
“Who likes to send their pictures to strangers on the internet?” Jae Joong frowned.
“So you tell him that you’re a single parent and that you make pots and you gave him your home address so he can send Christmas gifts over, instead? Well, that makes perfect, logical sense.”
“You don’t need to see someone else’s face to say that you’re friends,” The blonde teacher said, each word punctuated with a press on the Enter Key as he tried to continue his daily evaluation report. New teachers were asked to do this for their first two weeks in the job. “And . . . I don’t know, I guess it’s different. There’s comfort in talking about your lives like this, but there are things you don’t say, things you don’t show. It’s all fine that way. And I’m sure he thinks the same, because he never pressed for more.”
There was no reply back from Changmin, but Jae Joong caught the faraway look on his younger cousin’s eyes as he chewed one end of his pen. He twisted his seat so he was facing away from his desk and to the other’s place. “Changmin-ah, what’s wrong?”
“Huh?”
“What’s with the questions?”
“Smart people ask, Hyung.” He made a gagging sound when he realized that he had already bit a small chunk of the plastic end of his pen. It was lunch time, after all.
“No, really.” Jae Joong pressed.
“Well, I was wondering if I’m willing to be an accomplice to this whole abnormal situation you’re in, but I’m too hungry to think about it. Not that I’m encouraging you, though. Can we eat lunch after this too?” Changmin twisted his swivel chair. He pulled out a piece of paper in his right breast pocket, eyeing it curiously then gave it to Jae Joong. “Here, greatest news of the century.”
The music teacher’s eyes widened to the size of plates, and Changmin wished he had a camera then. He just grinned instead, although he didn’t know why. “He called while you were having your second class. All the way from Namwon. And he’s hoping you’d call him back.”
CHAPTER TWO
He was 23 then, just a year out of university and was juggling two part-time jobs to pay for his food and rent when they, social workers they were called, and a lawyer, suddenly appeared in his doorstep. One minute ago he was trying to fix the damn bulb in his bathroom because it kept on flickering like some horror movie, and the next minute he knew there was a three-year old kid in his couch, looking at him like he was the first man on earth he ever saw.
----------------------------
Inhwan, that’s his name, yes. He’s turning three this year. Isn’t he adorable? The social worker said, running her wrinkly slender hands through the little boy’s hair, nearly black yet not, almost auburn, and wavy. His cheeks were pink from climbing up the seven flights of stairs they had to climb to reach Kim Jae Joong’s apartment, just because the boy insisted on walking. The moment Jae Joong saw his parents’ names and his older sister - he remembered flinching a bit - written on the papers he stopped asking questions, took the pen, plunged. Yes, please sign here. And here too. Here as well. Money’s no problem, there’s a trust fund for him as provided by your parents.
He looks like you, one of them said almost amusedly when they were about to leave, and he wanted to hit her with the stroller they bought just because he felt like it. Of course his mother’s my sister, what did you expect, he wanted to ask, but if he did he knew he’d feel like asking more questions, like why did you dump her kid on me and who does she think she is, getting pregnant and going off on her own way just like that. And these were questions that shouldn’t be asked, just because he knew that they were never going to be answered.
He was 23 then, just a year out of university and was juggling two part-time jobs to pay for his food and rent, and to feed a three-year old son. Independent city life must be like that, Jae Joong once mused. Everything was fast-paced. Instant coffee. Instant noodles. Instant Dad.
----------------------------
Raising Inhwan hadn’t been as difficult and horrible as he expected during the first few days; in fact, he had to admit that it didn’t take long for him to say that he was enjoying it. Truth be told, it had its own benefits for him too; his parents was providing for the monetary needs of the boy, a fund from his sister’s inheritance, and that meant living a little better than he did before Inhwan came. As a matter of fact, they were even able to find a better, more comfortable and yet affordable apartment in the heart of Seoul. It was the first time that Jae Joong found himself in the capital, found himself not having to work at least two jobs.
It was an entirely new experience for him, confusing and frightening and fulfilling at the same time, for reasons he couldn’t entirely comprehend, but he knew that the bright-eyed boy’s cheeky smile and his “I love you, Joongie-hyung.” must have something to do with it. The fatherly attachment came slowly and subtly, like the silent blossoming of summer flowers, and suddenly Jae Joong found his life vivid with bright colors. Living his life with Inhwan threw him from one end of the spectrum of human emotions to the other.
And Jae Joong would think once in a while, when he wakes up during one rainy morning to find himself in the living room couch, an Inhwan in hamtaro pajamas sleeping atop of him and sucking his thumb, or when they bake cupcakes together and Inhwan ends up spraying the icing on his apron and cheek rather than on the cake, or when Inhwan says “I love you too, hyung.” before he goes to sleep, that he liked this kind of feeling.
----------------------------
Changmin called it the “first day of school jitters”.
It was less than two weeks before Inhwan’s first day of school, when the sleepless nights came. Jae Joong didn’t have any problems arranging Inhwan’s school papers, he was excited as a matter of fact, but as the day came nearer, so did his anxiety. It was the first time in three years that he won’t be with Inhwan for more than two hours, and the jitters made him cranky, impatient, especially since Inhwan seemed so excited about it.
Before he knew it he had joined an online forum for parenting (he saw it from the “Good Parenting” book that Changmin gave him a few months ago). It took him three days worth of thinking before he actually started a thread entitled, “Kindergarten School?” (It was supposed to be “My son’s going to school for the first time and I think I’m going to have a heart attack just thinking about it”, but board rules restricted the number of words in a Forum Thread.)
Kindergarten School?
Posted by memyselfandmyson
My son’s going to school for the first time (in less than a week), and I’m not sure how to deal with it. I can’t sleep just thinking about it, and of course I feel guilty, because he’s so excited. Is that even normal?
In two days, he had gotten more than ten replies, some of which were just hilarious, and some were even downright annoying. Someone even said, “I don’t mean to be an ass, but you sure don’t sound like a parent.” while someone suggested three different names of sleeping pills. At least most of the replies were sympathetic, it’s kind of normal, which was actually kind of comforting, but everything eventually boiled down to one thing. You’ll get used to the idea.
But Jae Joong wasn’t getting used to it. When the first day of school was only three days away, he woke up from a two-hour sleep with a bad fever and threw up his dinner down the toilet (Inhwan made him milk, but unfortunately the little boy mistook salt for sugar). Changmin diagnosed it as flu, and insisted that he keep his godson for the whole day while Jae Joong rested. I don’t want to go, Changmin-hyung, I want to stay with Joongie-hyung, but Changmin was adamant, and of course, bribing Inhwan with his favorite steamed buns did the trick.
Alone and sick and miserable, Jae Joong found himself checking his emails, and was vaguely surprised when his Microsoft Outlook spilled out a notice. Someone replied to your post entitled “Kindergarten School”. You may check the post here. The last reply to that thread is four days ago.
Re: Kindergarten School?
Posted by memyselfandmyson
My son’s going to school for the first time (in less than a week), and I’m not sure how to deal with it. I can’t sleep just thinking about it, and of course I feel guilty, because he’s so excited. Is that even normal?
REPLY:
It’s going to be difficult, but you can start with trusting your son a little. They pick it up when we do, and they probably don’t understand what the feeling is, but they end up making sure we don’t hurt ourselves with all the worrying.
Posted by blue_eyes_blue
It was the only answer he remembered ever replying a “Thanks” to.
When Changmin returned Inhwan that evening, they ordered pizza for dinner and ate it while watching reruns of Slam Dunk. Jae Joong found himself looking at Inhwan the whole night, realizing that he was already six and not three, and when Inhwan came running to fetch a small rug to wipe his spilled juice without being told, he realized that the stranger was right.
And he dozed off into blissful sleep that night after all fourteen sleepless nights, Inhwan’s little fingers curled softly around his hand.
----------------------------
The next time he visited that forum was three months later, when he just gave up on clicking a million websites on interior design, trying to decide what design he should paint Inhwan’s room with. Father and son had finally decided that it was high time that Inhwan get a room of his own, and they’ll be converting the small storeroom into his own little paradise.
As expected he received ten million replies on such a simple request, with twice as much links to websites on kids’ bedrooms and Jae Joong wondered why he still bothered to visit the forum in the first place.
And just like before, when he had almost completely forgotten about posting it in the forum, his Microsoft Outlook spilled another notice. Someone replied to your post entitled “Painting for first bedroom?”. You may check the post here. The last reply to that thread is twelve days ago.
Re: Painting for first bedroom?
Posted by memyselfandmyson
Hi. Have a simple request. We’re making my kid’s first bedroom and I was wondering if you guys have any recommendations on layout and paint. The room’s got one big window (from top to bottom) which makes it really sunny and bright; I was thinking of using the natural lighting to our advantage, and use the paint just as complement. Any suggestions?
REPLY:
I don’t know if you’re still going to read this, but I suggest this layout and color: http://heavenandclouds.co.kr/design/children/JY/blue_eyes.php
. I think it’s appropriate for rooms with natural lighting, such as yours (or your kid’s).
P.S. I remember your earlier post about the first day of school. You’re welcome. :)
It’s him. Or her. Again.
And he found himself clicking and looking and smiling, just because he found the design of the room to be simple and perfect and exactly what he was looking for. The beauty of the sample bedroom was captured by the camera under early morning light, and the white-blue hues of the walls bounced off the natural brightness from the single large window near a small bed. The contrast emphasized the window even more, but made gave the room a gleeful, light and warm and cloudy feeling.
Jae Joong immediately grabbed the nearest piece of pen and paper, wrote down the address of the page so that he won’t forget, so he can show it to Changmin and Inhwan. And just so he could leave a constructive comment on the page, he searched for the contact details.
Design name: Blue Eyes Blue
Design by Jung Yunho (Junior Architect)
Contact: jung.yunho@heavenandclouds.co.kr
----------------------------
The private message in that online forum became history. The correspondence over the next few weeks began with a simple Mr. Jung, thank you - I modified it a little bit - that’s alright, I don’t mind, we’re a democratic country, Mr. Kim - We only painted three walls because my son likes to draw and I thought we’d leave one wall white and bare so he can draw and scribble on it - I think that’s a very brilliant idea, Mr. Kim - What paint brand did you actually use for the sample bedroom? - Ocean blue from the Pastel line of Boysen Paints - Are you sure I don’t need to pay like. . consultation fees, Mr. Jung? - No, I gave it as a recommendation and I’m glad you liked it, Mr. Kim.
The weeks turned into months and into years, and the Mr. Jung became Yunho-ah and Mr. Kim became Jae Joong-hyung became Jae Joong-ah and “your son” became Inhwannie. “Here” became Seoul and “Back there” became Namwon. And it didn’t matter that they were ten million miles away from each other. They were friends.
----------------------------
It had come out of the blue, one summer day after almost a year of friendly emails when Jae Joong had offhandedly commented about Yunho’s skills with children. He couldn’t help it, he was in high spirits; the young architect had advised him a few days earlier how to surprise Inhwan on his 7th birthday and he did what Yunho had suggested. Inhwan wouldn’t let him go the whole day, saying “I love you really like this muuuuuuuuch hyung, thank you for my coolest paint set!” over and over and smothering him with chocolate marble-flavored kisses.
Inhwan loved it, thank you so much. If you were here I’d give you a slice of his cake but since you’re not I’m attaching a cake picture instead. XD Your son/ daughter must be lucky, Yunho-ah.
Yunho replied after almost a week, much later than his usual replies.
I lost my son, a few years back. But thank you, Jae Joong-ah. I appreciate the thought. :)
Jae Joong sent an email that consist of a hundred apologies, once he got his bearings back after crying for the first time in his life over a simple email. Almost immediately, Yunho had replied with a smiley face, nothing else, and they never talked about it again.
----------------------------
Jae Joong’s palms were cold as he approached the phone on the secretary’s table, the little piece of paper where Changmin hastily scribbled a phone number looking surreal to him. Yunho called him. Jung Yunho. And at his workplace, no less, considering that he just received a new email from him no less than two hours ago. His heart was doing cardiac pyrotechnics in his chest - badumpbadumpbadump - as he took the receiver and punched in the numbers. Namwon, undoubtedly, with that little area code attached before the 7-digit number.
Why and what and how and many more questions danced in his head, to the tune of the ringing on the other end of the line and oh my holy crap this is real and there is really a person behind those emails and he’s real and -
“Heaven and Clouds. Hello?”
“Uh,” He swallowed a lump in his throat, and he suddenly felt dizzy. “Mr. Jung Yunho. . . er. Please?”
A pause. A very pregnant pause. “Jae Joong-ah?”
I need to sit down, Jae Joong thought almost frantically as black spots began dancing in front of his eyes. Jung Yunho is indeed real and Jae Joong decided that his voice had a nice timbre, better than Changmin’s. Warm and hinting of an amused smile. “Uh, yes? I mean, yes! This is Jae Joong, Sir! I mean, no, hi! Kim Jae Joong.” He hit his forehead with his palm for sounding so dumb. “ . . . Yunho-ah?”
“Wow,” There was a long deep breath on the other end of the line. Nervous laugh followed. “Wow, this is. . . . wow. Sorry, I mean. . . I’m just. . .wow, amazing. Amazed, I mean. I’m actually talking to you. Jae Joong-ah!”
“Yeah,” Jae Joong agreed, twisting the phone cord in his fingers. “I can’t believe it either.”
Silence.
And then they both burst out “Wow” at the same time, and Jae Joong couldn’t remember the last time he had laughed so heartedly the way he was doing at that moment, just because Jung Yunho was laughing at the other end of the line too, in between repetitions of “amazing” and “I can’t believe it” and “wow, you’re actually a real person!” and “this is so . . . abnormal!”.
“I got your phone number in one your emails, I think it was an accident,” Yunho said after a while, “You used your work e-mail once, your signature was on it. Turns out it was your old job and . . . . well they gave me this and . . . here I am, talking to you!”
“I’m surprised out of my wits, actually.” Jae Joong said, scratching his head. “I was just answering your latest email about the pot.”
“Yes, no thanks to my mother.” Jae Joong heard a smirk. “Oh anyway, the reason I called. . . uh, this is really odd and stuff, I mean . . . well,” Pause, and then a deep breath. “I got this one-week trip to Seoul . . . for work . . and . . I was wondering if. . .”
“You’re going here?” Jae Joong’s eyes widened, “Wow. And just when I thought you’ve already shocked the freaking hell out of me. I mean, sorry for being impolite but.”
“Yeah,” Nervous laugh, “I’ve never been to Seoul, and I needed to go to some places and I was thinking . . . well, if it’s not so much to ask . . .”
“Oh, I see.” Jae Joong said, nodding his head, “Sure. What exactly do you need? If you need a place to stay I know of some cheap apartments, and I can help you if you need to rent a car or something.” He paused for a while, “Where are you staying, anyway?”
“I’ve got this booking on . .,” Some shuffling at Yunho’s end, “Pan Pacific Seoul.”
Jae Joong whistled appreciatively, the image of one of Seoul’s most exquisite hotels flashing in his mind. He laughed, “I was just about to offer our house, but I’m sure even the smallest bathroom in Pan Pacific is larger than my entire house.”
“I was betting on that, actually.” Yunho said with amusement, taking the well-meant joke. “But I didn’t want to bother you, seeing that I’d be arriving . . . tomorrow lunchtime.”
Pause.
“Congratulations, Yunho-ah, you just stopped my heart for the second time today.” Jae Joong replied, then grabbed a blank piece of paper from the secretary’s desk, and a pen. Thank God she was out for lunch or she’d probably bite his fingers off. “I’ll come fetch you from the airport. Believe me, you wouldn’t want to hail a cab and tell the driver that you’re staying in THE Pan Pacific. Especially with Seoul rains these days.”
Yunho laughed, and he decided that yes, his laugh is way better than Changmin’s. It was warm, reminding him of Inhwan’s own laughter. That’s odd, he thought. I miss Inhwannie. “Are you sure, Jae Joong-ah? I don’t want to disturb you; the best I was hoping for was a short lunch so you can just give me some tips on driving around town and -“
“Flight number and time, Yunho-ah?”
“Uh,” More shuffling. “Oh man, I’m so sorry. To be honest, I wasn’t really even expecting you to call back. Are you sure? I mean -“
“If that’s reverse psychology you’re doing -“
“What?” Yunho sounded mortified. “NO!”
“Fine. Lunch. And coffee, if you like, just. . .please.” Jae Joong shook his head. He didn’t realize how tightly he was clutching the receiver until he felt his fingers complaining.
Pause. “PR 2305B. 1:20 pm. Terminal #3.”
“I’ll be there.” He folded the piece of paper, whipped out his wallet and placed it there.
The bell ending lunch time rang across the faculty room, followed by the sound of lunch boxes being kept and things being grabbed and he heard Changmin shout from across the room, “Hyung! What kind of telephone call is that?! You’ve been there for ten thousand years and I’m hungry!” He stood up, ready to end the call. A hungry Changmin is never a force to reckon with, but then again, that boy could eat a hamburger in record time. “See you then, Yunho-ah. Back to work.”
“Oh, okay.” Yunho said, embarrassment still evident in his voice. “This is still . . . wow. Unbelievable. Look, if you change your mind, it’s alright! I can find my way to the hotel and . . .,” A pause, as if he realized he was rambling. “Wait, was that the bell? Please don’t tell me I disturbed your lunch.”
“See you tomorrow, Yunho-ah,” Jae Joong said. What a funny guy, he thought. “Goodbye.”
“Right. Goodbye, Jae Joong-ah. It was nice talking to you, finally.” A pause, and it was odd how Jae Joong could imagine Jung Yunho smiling at the other end of the line. “And by the way, you . . . you have a very pleasant voice.”
Jae Joong found himself smiling, and he wanted to say, you too, even better than how I imagined you’d probably sound, not that I really dwell on that, but yes, when I think about it now, it did cross my mind from time to time. But he didn’t, and a soft “Thank you. Goodbye.” came out instead.
CHAPTER THREE
The weather was not the best when Jae Joong drove his car downtown and to the Seoul airport, and it added to his wry mood because the parking for Terminal #3 was full and he had to park in Terminal #2 instead. That meant that he had to walk a relatively long distance under quite a heavy drizzle, and by the time he reached the lobby for Terminal #3, he was more than a little wet, his boots muddy, and the edge of his brown trench coat dotted with mud because he had to run on wet airport grounds. So much for trying to look presentable. And goodness, that trench coat was brand-spanking-new.
He had dropped Changmin and Inhwan by the large supermarket-department store near the arrival terminal, because it was grocery day today and if he wasn’t in the airport he’d be doing it by himself and his son. Inhwan didn’t look too happy that Jae Joong wasn’t coming; he never said a word during the 30-minute ride, wore a disappointed pout from the moment he boarded the car until they got down in the unloading area.
“Don’t encourage him to play catch with the tissue rolls, Changmin.” Jae Joong said pointedly to his dongsaeng through the car window, as he revved the engine back to life. “I’m sure you don’t want to pay for an entire shelf of broken pickle jars again.”
“You’ve got to admit that that was a nice touchdown!” His younger cousin quipped, ruffling little Inhwan’s hair as he grinned. “Right, Inhwan?”
“Are you . . . really not coming, Joongie?” The six-year old boy asked softly, looking at his shoes, slightly wet from the rain. He was holding his favorite soccer ball under one arm. “. . . please? Please please?” The statement We always do this together hung in the damp morning air.
“Joongie has an appointment, honey.” Jae Joong said, quite apologetically. Truth be told, he was still too dumbstruck with the truth of meeting Jung Yunho that he totally forgot about their weekly ritual, until Inhwan had jumped on his bed to wake him up, chatting excitedly about the grocery trip. He reached over the passenger seat and into the window, extending his pinky. “How about . . . I promise to buy you a box of your favorite doughnuts when I come home?”
Inhwan turned his back, Jae Joong’s pinky offering ignored.
“That means I don’t get a goodbye kiss, then.” Jae Joong muttered to himself, straightening himself on the driver’s seat and shaking his head. “I’ll see you this afternoon, guys. I love you, Inhwannie.”
There was no answer.
----------------------------
The Delifrance restaurant inside the terminal where they had agreed to meet was almost empty when Jae Joong arrived. It was 1:30 p.m. His eyes scanned the place, customers of groups of two or three and nobody looked at him when he came in.
He settled in the corner farthest from the air-conditioning unit, a booth for two that had a full view of the airport landing, though the glass was slightly fogged from the slight rain. Jae Joong rubbed his hands frantically. Jitters. Bad. It didn’t help that his coat was damp and his boots slightly soaked.
Suddenly he felt like he was doing something illegal, something reckless, meeting someone he had only known by his email address and funny stories about Namwon life and designing houses and children’s bedrooms, and he didn’t even know how the other person looked like. But the two years of online friendship had to mean something, and it was this knowledge that made him less scared, less nervous for doing something he’d hardly call . . . responsible.
Every time the door opened Jae Joong’s heart would skip a beat, and eventually his fingers had lost all feeling, despite the fact that restaurant was quite warm and cozy. He had almost finished half of his brewed drink when the doors opened once again, and a young couple came in, the woman carrying a baby, with luggage in tow. They left with a box of doughnuts. Perhaps he should’ve gone shopping with Inhwan and Changmin first before he came here, he thought as he fished for his mobile phone and scanned the directory for Changmin’s number. He had to do something to pass the time. Anything. The clock in the wall said it was already 3 p.m.
“Are you,” A sharp intake of breath, “Kim Jae Joong?”
Jae Joong looked up to see him, breathing a little heavily as he stood there, several strands of his black-brown hair shining with water drops as if he had run under the rain, his cheeks a little pink. The black coat he had over a striped knitted shirt was slightly wet too, the rain making dark random patterns in the fabric, like those in his jeans. He was wearing a small frown, his lips quivering slightly as he tried to catch his breath, big black bag hoisted over one shoulder.
“Yes.” Jae Joong found himself saying, as he slowly rose to his feet. He felt the knots in the stomach he had felt since that morning strangely starting to dissipate, and he heard himself let out a long deep breath that he wasn’t even aware that he was holding. And God, that felt good. “Yes. Yes, I am.”
Then Jung Yunho’s eyes lit up slightly and his lips curved into a smile, and Jae Joong could almost say that he had seen only a few things in his life that were as familiar, as warm, as beautiful.
----------------------------
The drive to the Pan Pacific was mostly quiet, the silence in the car quite a little awkward. The 30-minute ride fell into a predictable cycle. Jae Joong would ask a question - how was the trip, was it comfortable? Was the plane delayed? - and Yunho would answer - yes, it was alright - laugh a little (he laughs nicely, Jae Joong thought), trace random patterns in his seatbelt as if he was thinking of something to say next, but in the end he won’t, and Jae Joong would have to think of something new to talk about again.
The trip to the parking lot had been livelier though, Yunho apologizing profusely for being late. On their way Jae Joong had noticed a green plastic bag that he was carrying, recognized it from the same grocery store where he had dropped Changmin and Inhwan off, and offhandedly commented, “You’ve been around?” to start a conversation. But it only set off Yunho’s tirade of apologies.
“I was supposed to get back earlier, but I couldn’t find the engineering section,” Yunho said sheepishly, scratching his head. He had to buy some empty blueprints for work. “But that store was insanely huge!”
“Well, that’s Seoul for you, Yunho-ah.”
“I think I must’ve gone in a few circles before I even found the exit door.” Yunho said, letting out an amused laughter. “There was even this beautiful child that pointed me to it.”
Jae Joong liked quiet rides, but at that moment he felt that he had to talk, because he could feel Jung Yunho’s eyes on him as he was driving - assessing, measuring - and he was slowly feeling conscious, too conscious. It was funny at first - he could see Yunho looking at him at the corner of his eye every now and then - but it was beginning to make him feel uncomfortable. Is it my hair? Is there something on my cheek? My shirt?
“What?” He asked suddenly, sparing a glance to Yunho, who seemed surprised at the question.
“What?”
“Um,” Jae Joong suddenly felt embarrassed, wondering if he was just imagining that Yunho was staring, and it would be conceited in his part if he was indeed wrong. They turned into another street, at the end of which was the hotel. “I was. . . I was. . . just wondering what got your attention. Or you’re just not really the talking kind, Yunho-ah?”
“Oh,” Yunho replied, and he gave out a low, slightly embarrassed laugh. “Do you think I’m not the talking kind, Jae Joong-ah?”
“Well,” he replied after a thoughtful pause, “Your emails . . .” Jae Joong tried to think of a proper word, “are quite enjoyable to read. So I just thought you’re. . . ”
“A little more sociable?” Yunho finished almost immediately, and then laughed once more. “I am. Or, I’d like to think that I am. It’s just that, your hair is the blackest I’ve ever seen, it’s quite hard not to look at it.” He paused, “I’m sorry, did I make you . . . uncomfortable?”
“Oh, no. Not at all.” Jae Joong lied, shaking his head to stress his answer. Yet he could feel heat rising in his cheeks.
He heard Yunho laugh softly, and he sounded amused. At the corner of his eye he saw Yunho turn slightly at his seat, and now his back was almost facing Jae Joong. “Then you must have gotten used to it.”
By the time Jae Joong had thought of a reply to that, the silence in the car had already stretched to a couple of minutes, and he thought it was better not to disturb it. He just continued driving.
----------------------------
Walking in the grand lobby of the Pan Pacific Seoul made Jae Joong feel horribly underdressed, out of place, and he decided to just stare at his boots as they made their way to the information desk, but he realized just how horrible his muddy boots looked against the shiny, almost-transparent marble floor. He watched with amusement as Yunho blended almost naturally with the crowd there, despite his casual clothes, his steps firm and calculated. He had that kind of air, almost stately and regal and refined, and it didn’t matter that he was carrying a big black bag that crumpled the left sleeve of his black coat, and that he was carrying the bright green grocery bag.
“Just let me put down my stuff, Jae Joong-ah, and then we could find some place to eat.” Yunho said over his shoulder, as the man opened the door of his hotel, Jae Joong trailing behind him. He was still debating whether he should remove his boots by the door, just so he wouldn’t ruin the velvet, shiny Persian carpet. Yunho’s voice sounded distant, punctuated by the sound of a door closing shut. He must’ve found the bedroom. “Make yourself comfortable.”
This is not a hotel room, Jae Joong thought as he slowly made his way down the short hallway to find himself in the living room, fully furnished and immaculately white and shiny. And Jae Joong could see his full-length reflection in front of him, and the cloudy cityscape of Seoul, though the panorama was slightly blurry because the crystal wall had already been fogged by the afternoon’s rain. Too big, too big, Jae Joong thought, and he wondered if the emptiness won’t drive Yunho crazy.
“Yunho-ah?” He called out softly as he went to the hallway to his left, his steps quiet. The space was making him almost uncomfortable, lonely, and it had already been a few minutes since Yunho had left him there. He stopped in front of the closed door to his right, and knocked softly. “Yunho-ah?”
No answer. He knocked once more, louder this time. “Yunho-ah? Are you there?”
Are the walls padded? He thought with a frown, after a third knocking that only received silence as a reply. The brass door knob felt cold against Jae Joong’s fingers as he wrapped them around it, trying to make the smallest noise just so he wouldn’t surprise his guest, nor make him feel that he was intruding. He turned the knob, opened the door slightly and peered inside. “Yun -“
“Jae Joong-ah.”
“Holy mother of - Yunho-ah!” Jae Joong’s hand flew to his chest, his heart pounding in his chest for a hundred miles per second. He had turned around too fast that the room continued to spin for a few seconds. Yunho was standing in front of him, eyeing him strangely. The door on the other side of the hallway was open.
“Are you . . . alright? Sorry I took a while.” Yunho said almost embarrassingly, and then pointed his thumb towards the open door. “The bedroom’s got a good view of downtown; I got dumbstruck for a bit.”
“Oh, yeah. Sorry, I was calling and I thought. . . ” Jae Joong said after a while, gathering his wits. He frowned a little, and then placed his hands nervously in his pockets. “Are you . . . expecting someone? This bedroom . . .”
He spared a glance at the door behind him, the brass knob digging slightly at his back. The unit has two bedrooms. This room . . .is a double suite.
Yunho looked at him without expression. Jae Joong thought that he saw the brown eyes darken a bit, but a small smile immediately replaced the expression even before he could name what it was. “No.” came the curt reply, “I just like the extra space.”
ON TO:
Chapters 4 & 5