so this is what we're up against.
it is SO hard to dream and be happy and wake up and realize that it was just a dream.
well i guess then that the past year and a half of my life has been just exactly that.
and i'm waking up.
and i'm hating it.
and i'm failing.
i could write a book about the amazing times.
i could write a book about the ups and downs.
the mood swings.
the arguements.
i could write a book about the feeling of making up; its so safe and sound.
but now i have to force myself to keep a distance.
just in case you're feeling weak.
god knows im feeling weak.
these past couple of months have been hell.
i was convinced it was all my fault.
maybe if i was better
maybe if i wasnt such a bitch
maybe if it was smarter
or prettier
and i would apologize
and apologize
and apologize
i even apologized just 12 hours ago.
but i want you to know..
i dont apologize anymore.
i'm not sorry for trying my hardest to make you happy
xx.
so its mid november
and im sucking in college.
and i have to find my own place by january.
alone.
everyone else is too happy and comfortable where they are to think about doing everything for themselves.
i dont blame them.
so where do i go from here?