There is no SantaClaus (PG13)
author: momentumn
translator: Ciffie
genre: angst, romance, slash, oneshot
rating: PG/PG13/R
fandom: Deathstars
pairing: Whiplasher Bernadotte/ Cat Casino (+ Whip/OC)
disclaimer: I don’t own the boys and I don’t get paid for this, I’m only playing. :)
I had always hated Christmas. It had always been such stupid posing; we spent time with the family and pretended to be happy, even though we really weren’t. When was the last time we had really been happy? Perhaps on our wedding night, if even then…
I didn’t know at what point everything had turned upside-down. When I first met you, it was love at first sight, and then it just felt right. I knew that I wanted you, and I usually always got what I wanted. This time was no different, and we got married, maybe even a bit too soon. It didn’t take long after that, when you were pregnant. And now we already had two. And all this haunted me. I would’ve wanted to just run away, if I could’ve. I just didn’t know what to do anymore.
The kids were playing on the living room floor fully unaware. From time to time they asked us when Santa would be coming. When you gave me a murderous look, I just kept quiet and let you had the turn.
“I don’t know.” You always gave as an answer, without further explanations.
I thought you should’ve told the kids the truth, but decided not to say anything. There was no Santa Claus. That old fucking man wouldn’t come in this house this year.
Maybe one reason to the fact that I hated Santa was that he had never come to visit me when I had been a kid. My parents just always explained it by saying that I hadn’t been good enough, even though the real reason was probably that neither of them had money to order a Santa, and they had always gotten into a fight about who would be pretending to be him. Exactly what happened to us this Christmas.
You thought that I should’ve been Santa, since it was me who apparently forgot to order one. Actually, ordering a Santa had been a part of your job this year, but somehow you always managed to escape it and blame it all on me. And I would so not put on that red outfit and glue a white beard on my face. Never! It was so god damn hot in that suit, too.
I pour down the last glass of vodka and for my disappointment, noticed that the bottle was completely empty. So much for that joy. I set my glass down on the table and quietly got up from my chair. I didn’t look at you, or the kids, as I left the room. I was expecting you to run after me, but you didn’t. I put on my leather jacket and after waiting for a little while more, I opened the door and stepped outside to the cold wind and rain.
There hadn’t been any snow this year either, but there was nothing weird in that. I didn’t really even expect to have snow on Christmas anymore. I had gotten so used to the dark and rainy Christmases that the lack of snow didn’t bother me at all. It actually felt cozier with buckets of water coming from a gray sky. Ruggedly beautiful, too, when you really thought about it. It fit well with this depressing atmosphere.
I headed towards the familiar street illuminated by streetlights that lead to our rehearsal studio, and I hardly cared that the rain got me soaking wet. In fact, it just made me feel better. It was eerie and quiet everywhere. Felt like the whole city was empty, even though all the windows were glowing with light and showing the happy people inside. Were we the only ones who didn’t enjoy this shit?
I finally reached the rehearsal studio and dug the keys from my pocket. The door creaked as it opened, and I stepped inside. I was greeted with a warm breeze that instantly made me feel cozy. Even the rehearsal studio felt more like home than our home.
I walked through the room towards the instruments that were resting neatly in their own places, just like the trophies won by an athlete. I passed the microphone that actually belonged to me, and walked to his guitar. I stopped right in front of it and reached my hand out to let my fingers slide down the strings. I pictured his fingers playing with them, touching them with me. I could even feel his touch on my fingers, even though he wasn’t there.
I closed my eyes and saw him there in front of me. His messy black hair, sexy and skinny body and the world’s most beautiful eyes that I couldn’t get my eyes of. I imagined and felt his body pressing against my body and his lips touching my neck, my chest. A moan escaped my lips. It felt too real to be just a creation of my imagination. Oh, how I wanted him here. Right now.
Right then, as if he had heard my thoughts, the door creaked open and someone stepped into the room. I recognized the steps. His steps. I kept my eyes closed as I heard him getting closer to me. In slow motion, just like in the movies.
Soon I felt his body press against my back and he wrapped his arm around my hip. His other hand touched the strings of the guitar with me. His palm was on my hand and he slid our hands down the strings. Only when he pressed his lips on my neck, I opened my eyes and met his beautiful blue eyes.
“I wasn’t expecting to see you here.” His voice mumbled on my neck as soft as velvet. I shivered, just like I always did when I heard that voice.
“I could say the same from you.” I mumbled as his fingers moved over to open the zipper of my leather jacket and his lips lowered down on my neck.
“I couldn’t bear staying at home.” He said and I spread my arms as he pulled the jacket off me.
“Me neither…”
Soon he was standing in front of me and we looked deep in each other’s eyes. He grabbed my shirt and pulled me towards the sofa that was sitting alone in the farthest corner of the room. It was old and worn, but we had shared many good moments on that sofa. Many fucking good moments.
Slowly he got down on the sofa and pulled me there after him. And I followed. I followed like a loyal dog follows his master. His lips were nibbling my lips, playing with them, as my body pressed against his. I wanted to rip off his jacket with one fast motion, but he just wanted to play.
Finally, I decided to join his little game and started to nibble his lip, too. I felt his erection hard against my thigh, and I’m sure he felt mine, too. Then he stopped playing. He quickly ripped my shirt off and let me take off his jacket with equal speed. His hands fumbled the buttons and zipper of my jeans while I was busy tearing his shirt off of him. I moaned aloud. My God, how I’ve missed this.
Sweaty but cool and calm I rested next to him on the cramped sofa. A blanket covered our naked bodies and I held my head on his bare chest. I listened to his heartbeat and let my fingers glide on his skin. His fingers were playing on my hair, petting my head. All the anxiety that I had felt at home so far, had vanished from within me. I was calm and I felt happy. I had always felt happy with him.
“Whip…” His voice whispered my name so silently that it was almost not there at all, but I could still hear it.
“Yes?” I mumbled as I pressed my lips on his chest.
“What are we doing?” The question was escorted with a serious tone. Gods, he had been thinking about the future. Our future.
“I don’t know…” I got out as an answer from my dry mouth.
And I really didn’t know. Damn it! I wanted him, but did I have the courage to take the chance? To leave my wife and kids and go with him? Without ever coming back. I would hurt so many, if I left now. And miss the opportunity of my life, if I didn’t.
“I want you, Whip.” He said with the pressure on the words “want” and “you”. My heart was pounding when I looked into his glowing blue eyes. He was serious. He wasn’t playing a game. I swallowed. I had to decide. Now.
“I want you, too.” I said as I sat up.
He got up, too, and we sat on the sofa side by side, with the blanket wrapped around us.
“Then why don’t you take me?” He asked still looking in my eyes. “Now you have the chance to do it.”
I lowered my eyes and kept quiet for a while. He was waiting. I didn’t have a clue about what to do.
“I can’t.” I finally answered. “I’m sorry…”
I got up from the sofa and started to look for my jeans from the floor. I didn’t look at him anymore. If I had, I would’ve changed my mind. I just didn’t know why I couldn’t stay with him. I wasn’t able to explain it to him. I wasn’t even able to explain it to myself.
“I know that you really want me.” He said and I could feel his eyes follow my every move. I got dressed as fast as I possibly could.
“I do.”
“Then why are you running away again?”
I finally turned to look in his eyes. I just wanted to see those glowing blue eyes one last time and imprint the look in them in my mind.
“I have to. You know it.”
“I know…I just wanted to try…desperately.”
He lowered his eyes and I knew that it was a sign for me to leave. I picked up my leatherjacket from the floor and put it on. I didn’t say anything as I walked through the room towards the door. In the middle I stopped for a little while more next to his guitar and touched its strings with my fingers. For a second I waited for him to come to me and passionately kiss my lips for one more time. He didn’t come.
I continued to the door and silently shut it after me without looking back. The rain had stopped, but it was still dark and moist all over. I directed my steps towards home, to where I didn’t really want to go anymore, but I had to. On the way there I came across two Santa Claus’. Or men dressed as Santa Claus. Fucking white beard, I thought while pulling the zipper of my jacket all the way up and stepping on a street that would take me home.
translator: Ciffie
genre: angst, romance, slash, oneshot
rating: PG/PG13/R
fandom: Deathstars
pairing: Whiplasher Bernadotte/ Cat Casino (+ Whip/OC)
disclaimer: I don’t own the boys and I don’t get paid for this, I’m only playing. :)
I had always hated Christmas. It had always been such stupid posing; we spent time with the family and pretended to be happy, even though we really weren’t. When was the last time we had really been happy? Perhaps on our wedding night, if even then…
I didn’t know at what point everything had turned upside-down. When I first met you, it was love at first sight, and then it just felt right. I knew that I wanted you, and I usually always got what I wanted. This time was no different, and we got married, maybe even a bit too soon. It didn’t take long after that, when you were pregnant. And now we already had two. And all this haunted me. I would’ve wanted to just run away, if I could’ve. I just didn’t know what to do anymore.
The kids were playing on the living room floor fully unaware. From time to time they asked us when Santa would be coming. When you gave me a murderous look, I just kept quiet and let you had the turn.
“I don’t know.” You always gave as an answer, without further explanations.
I thought you should’ve told the kids the truth, but decided not to say anything. There was no Santa Claus. That old fucking man wouldn’t come in this house this year.
Maybe one reason to the fact that I hated Santa was that he had never come to visit me when I had been a kid. My parents just always explained it by saying that I hadn’t been good enough, even though the real reason was probably that neither of them had money to order a Santa, and they had always gotten into a fight about who would be pretending to be him. Exactly what happened to us this Christmas.
You thought that I should’ve been Santa, since it was me who apparently forgot to order one. Actually, ordering a Santa had been a part of your job this year, but somehow you always managed to escape it and blame it all on me. And I would so not put on that red outfit and glue a white beard on my face. Never! It was so god damn hot in that suit, too.
I pour down the last glass of vodka and for my disappointment, noticed that the bottle was completely empty. So much for that joy. I set my glass down on the table and quietly got up from my chair. I didn’t look at you, or the kids, as I left the room. I was expecting you to run after me, but you didn’t. I put on my leather jacket and after waiting for a little while more, I opened the door and stepped outside to the cold wind and rain.
There hadn’t been any snow this year either, but there was nothing weird in that. I didn’t really even expect to have snow on Christmas anymore. I had gotten so used to the dark and rainy Christmases that the lack of snow didn’t bother me at all. It actually felt cozier with buckets of water coming from a gray sky. Ruggedly beautiful, too, when you really thought about it. It fit well with this depressing atmosphere.
I headed towards the familiar street illuminated by streetlights that lead to our rehearsal studio, and I hardly cared that the rain got me soaking wet. In fact, it just made me feel better. It was eerie and quiet everywhere. Felt like the whole city was empty, even though all the windows were glowing with light and showing the happy people inside. Were we the only ones who didn’t enjoy this shit?
I finally reached the rehearsal studio and dug the keys from my pocket. The door creaked as it opened, and I stepped inside. I was greeted with a warm breeze that instantly made me feel cozy. Even the rehearsal studio felt more like home than our home.
I walked through the room towards the instruments that were resting neatly in their own places, just like the trophies won by an athlete. I passed the microphone that actually belonged to me, and walked to his guitar. I stopped right in front of it and reached my hand out to let my fingers slide down the strings. I pictured his fingers playing with them, touching them with me. I could even feel his touch on my fingers, even though he wasn’t there.
I closed my eyes and saw him there in front of me. His messy black hair, sexy and skinny body and the world’s most beautiful eyes that I couldn’t get my eyes of. I imagined and felt his body pressing against my body and his lips touching my neck, my chest. A moan escaped my lips. It felt too real to be just a creation of my imagination. Oh, how I wanted him here. Right now.
Right then, as if he had heard my thoughts, the door creaked open and someone stepped into the room. I recognized the steps. His steps. I kept my eyes closed as I heard him getting closer to me. In slow motion, just like in the movies.
Soon I felt his body press against my back and he wrapped his arm around my hip. His other hand touched the strings of the guitar with me. His palm was on my hand and he slid our hands down the strings. Only when he pressed his lips on my neck, I opened my eyes and met his beautiful blue eyes.
“I wasn’t expecting to see you here.” His voice mumbled on my neck as soft as velvet. I shivered, just like I always did when I heard that voice.
“I could say the same from you.” I mumbled as his fingers moved over to open the zipper of my leather jacket and his lips lowered down on my neck.
“I couldn’t bear staying at home.” He said and I spread my arms as he pulled the jacket off me.
“Me neither…”
Soon he was standing in front of me and we looked deep in each other’s eyes. He grabbed my shirt and pulled me towards the sofa that was sitting alone in the farthest corner of the room. It was old and worn, but we had shared many good moments on that sofa. Many fucking good moments.
Slowly he got down on the sofa and pulled me there after him. And I followed. I followed like a loyal dog follows his master. His lips were nibbling my lips, playing with them, as my body pressed against his. I wanted to rip off his jacket with one fast motion, but he just wanted to play.
Finally, I decided to join his little game and started to nibble his lip, too. I felt his erection hard against my thigh, and I’m sure he felt mine, too. Then he stopped playing. He quickly ripped my shirt off and let me take off his jacket with equal speed. His hands fumbled the buttons and zipper of my jeans while I was busy tearing his shirt off of him. I moaned aloud. My God, how I’ve missed this.
Sweaty but cool and calm I rested next to him on the cramped sofa. A blanket covered our naked bodies and I held my head on his bare chest. I listened to his heartbeat and let my fingers glide on his skin. His fingers were playing on my hair, petting my head. All the anxiety that I had felt at home so far, had vanished from within me. I was calm and I felt happy. I had always felt happy with him.
“Whip…” His voice whispered my name so silently that it was almost not there at all, but I could still hear it.
“Yes?” I mumbled as I pressed my lips on his chest.
“What are we doing?” The question was escorted with a serious tone. Gods, he had been thinking about the future. Our future.
“I don’t know…” I got out as an answer from my dry mouth.
And I really didn’t know. Damn it! I wanted him, but did I have the courage to take the chance? To leave my wife and kids and go with him? Without ever coming back. I would hurt so many, if I left now. And miss the opportunity of my life, if I didn’t.
“I want you, Whip.” He said with the pressure on the words “want” and “you”. My heart was pounding when I looked into his glowing blue eyes. He was serious. He wasn’t playing a game. I swallowed. I had to decide. Now.
“I want you, too.” I said as I sat up.
He got up, too, and we sat on the sofa side by side, with the blanket wrapped around us.
“Then why don’t you take me?” He asked still looking in my eyes. “Now you have the chance to do it.”
I lowered my eyes and kept quiet for a while. He was waiting. I didn’t have a clue about what to do.
“I can’t.” I finally answered. “I’m sorry…”
I got up from the sofa and started to look for my jeans from the floor. I didn’t look at him anymore. If I had, I would’ve changed my mind. I just didn’t know why I couldn’t stay with him. I wasn’t able to explain it to him. I wasn’t even able to explain it to myself.
“I know that you really want me.” He said and I could feel his eyes follow my every move. I got dressed as fast as I possibly could.
“I do.”
“Then why are you running away again?”
I finally turned to look in his eyes. I just wanted to see those glowing blue eyes one last time and imprint the look in them in my mind.
“I have to. You know it.”
“I know…I just wanted to try…desperately.”
He lowered his eyes and I knew that it was a sign for me to leave. I picked up my leatherjacket from the floor and put it on. I didn’t say anything as I walked through the room towards the door. In the middle I stopped for a little while more next to his guitar and touched its strings with my fingers. For a second I waited for him to come to me and passionately kiss my lips for one more time. He didn’t come.
I continued to the door and silently shut it after me without looking back. The rain had stopped, but it was still dark and moist all over. I directed my steps towards home, to where I didn’t really want to go anymore, but I had to. On the way there I came across two Santa Claus’. Or men dressed as Santa Claus. Fucking white beard, I thought while pulling the zipper of my jacket all the way up and stepping on a street that would take me home.