author: momentumn
translator: Ciffie
genre: angst, romance, oneshot
rating: PG/PG13/R
fandom: Deathstars
pairing: Whiplasher Bernadotte/ Cat Casino
disclaimer: I don’t own the boys and I don’t get paid for this, I’m only playing. :)
he snow had already reached the balcony. A crisp cold welcomed me when I stepped through the glass doors to go for a smoke. Skinny came after me and borrowed my lighter.
“So you saw Cat in Place?” I asked as I sat down on a rickety old stool. Skinny sat next to me on the other stool, where Cat always used to sit.
“Yeap, and let me say, he didn’t seem to be doing very well.”
I didn’t answer. We had broken up with Cat about a week ago. It had been the stupidest argument ever, the same as all our fights were, but worse. I couldn’t even really remember how it had started, but I still had a vivid memory of that Saturday night when I had seen Cat kissing another man in the bathroom of a bar. I wondered if it had been Place then, too.
“And?” I finally snorted to Skinny to break the silence.
“I think he has been taking something else than just alcohol, Whip.” Skinny continued.
“He was pretty damn messed up, didn’t even recognize me.”
“Did you try to talk to him?”
A garbled image of Cat on a counter of a bar flashed in my mind.
“I tried to get him to leave with me, I would have taken him home.” Skinny answered.
“Where does he live?” I asked even though I wasn’t really interested. Or at least that’s what I told myself.
“With Bone, temporarily.”
“Hmm…” I hemmed and killed my cigarette on the ashtray. “What do you think he’s been taking?”
“I’m not sure, but didn’t you two try heroin at some point?” Skinny asked cautiously.
“Yea, but that was years ago! Let’s go inside, it’s freezing out here!”
Skinny killed his own cigarette and followed me inside.
“It’s just that it’s easy to get it from the customers in Place, and Cat might have fallen for it.”
“Not my problem.”
I walked through the living room to the kitchen, poured a glass of cold water down my throat and returned to the living room. I hoped for Skinny to leave already, but he kept on following me relentlessly.
“Might be, but I know you still care about him!” Skinny said following me to the bedroom. “You haven’t even changed your sheets since Cat last slept here.”
“How the fuck would you know what kind of sheets we had then?” I scowled.
“I just do.” Skinny grinned. “Really, Whip, you should go see Cat.”
“No!” I snapped. “It’s not my job to take care of him!”
“He won’t listen to anyone else but you!” Skinny yelled back. “The rest of us have already tried to talk sense into him!”
I trotted back and forth in the bedroom.
“Why do you worry about him? He has ruined his life on his own, and what’s more, he’s an adult!”
“He’s still a kid! He’s much younger than us! And besides, he’s our friend, of course we worry about him!”
Finally I stopped, leaned my back against the wall and slid to sit down. I pressed my head to my hands when memories of that horrible Saturday night flooded my mind.
Skinny sat down next to me.
“You still love him, don’t you, Whip?” It wasn’t really a question. I nodded. Why would be the point in lying?
“Why don’t you go and get Cat back here?” Skinny insisted. “He still loves you, too.”
“He kissed another man!” I growled close to tears. “And did who knows what else with the creep!”
I felt pathetic.
“It was just a kiss, Whip, you have kissed too, for example me!”
“It’s completely different!”
“It’s completely the same!”
Skinny looked strictly at me and I stared at him angrily.
“Why hasn’t Bone been taking care of Cat, if Cat’s living with him?” I insisted.
Skinny let out a frustrated sigh. He looked like he wanted to hit me. I guess in his opinion I didn’t understand anything of anything.
“Cat needs you to get back on track, Whip, not us!”
I didn’t say anything, just turned to look away from Skinny.
“Could you leave me alone?” I finally asked when Skinny wouldn’t get the hint. Or didn’t want to get it.
“Cat loves you, Whip, and you love him, so what’s the problem?” Skinny asked as he stood up. “Think about it!”
I didn’t say anything when Skinny finally left. Just listened how the front door closed after him.
Cat… His image drew clearly on my mind, as I leaned my head against the wall and stared at the ceiling. I could see him at the counter of the bar in Place, with a row of empty pints in front of him. I saw how he wobbled home cold, alone, miserable, with messy hair and make-up all sloppy on the cheeks. I couldn’t bear the image anymore. From my phone I searched Cat’s number, which was still there under the name Kitty. I had given the name to him as a pet name. I pressed the green button. The phone rang and rang.
”Whip?” I heard a weak voice from across the line after a while. I could hear music and people’s voices on the background. Cat was most likely at Place.
“Where are you?” I asked, when I couldn’t think of anything else to say.
“What the fuck is it to you?” Cat snarled. “Like you cared!”
“Should I have asked if I didn’t care?” I snapped at him. “Where are you?”
Cat was quiet for a moment. I guess he was thinking about my words. Or then he was just so messed up he didn’t notice to answer.
“At Place… Will you come here?” He finally mumbled.
“No! But I will come there to get you home!” I said as I stood up from the floor.
“I don’t have a home.” Cat whined while I walked to the hall. I grabbed my jacket and dressed it before stepping to the corridor.
“Yes you do.” I told Cat. “I’ll end the call now and come get you.”
“Don’t!” Cat begged almost panicking. “Talk to me, please!”
I wondered about Cat’s request, but at the same time, as I walked out to the freezing cold, tried to think of something to say.
“Is there even any good looking men there?” I joked lighting a cigarette and stepping from the yard to the street. The streetlights lit up the snowy city and it kept snowing lightly from the grey sky. Cat gave a partly nervous, partly amused laugh.
“Not even one.” He said sloppily, but I made some sense out of it anyway. “Some old dude is just trying to hit on me, by the way!”
“Is he, at least, good looking?”
“Not at all! But I could still leave with him, he seems to have money. And he just offered me a drink.”
“Was it even tequila?”
“No…”
“Then don’t leave with him!”
I crossed the bridge after which it shouldn’t take that much longer to reach Place. Soon enough, when I was still walking down the bridge, I could see the bar’s sign shining blue.
“Whip, would you offer me tequila? This slime is complete shit!” Cat mumbled into my ear. I laughed imagining the face of the man, who had bought the drink to Cat, when he heard him say that.
“No. I will come get you home!”
“I don’t want to go home, it’s nice in here.”
“I doubt it.”
I closed the phone when I stepped through the bar’s door. Place was a local gay bar and tonight it seemed to be particularly full. However, it didn’t take me too long to find Cat. He was half lying on the counter. I pushed through the human mass towards Cat. He was already so messed up he didn’t even seem to notice that I was standing next to him. He was still talking to me on the phone.
Truth be told, he looked awful. He wasn’t my little Cat anymore, the one who had last slept next to me. Cat seemed more to have aged ten years, and he was paler than before. At that moment, more than anything in the world, I just wanted to take him home. Home, safe from all the evil in the world.
Carefully I placed my hand on his shoulder.
“Cat, would you come home with me?”
Cat seemed to get honestly amazed by the fact that I was right next to him. He stared both me and the phone.
“You hang up on me!” He mumbled trying to give me an angry glare. I didn’t have time to say anything, when someone tapped on my shoulder.
“Sorry, but we were in the middle of a conversation, he and I.”
I turned to look behind and met the eyes of the same old man who apparently offered Cat a drink a moment ago. He was smiling at me smugly.
“Sorry, but he’s leaving with me now.” I said as I turned back towards Cat. I suggested Cat to get off from the chair, and surprisingly he did as I had told without any complaints. I had to hold onto him so that he could stay on his feet.
”Whip, you have no idea how many men’s dicks I’ve had in my mouth this week.” Cat whispered in my ear while he staggered towards the door by my side.
“I don’t even want to know!” I said rudely. “Did you have a jacket with you?”
“I’m not sure… I was cold as hell when I came here, so probably I didn’t.”
“Probably not, then. Wait.” I said as I let go of Cat for a moment. He managed to stay more or less on his feet while I took off my jacket and dressed it on him.
“Now you will be cold.” Cat noted when I again grabbed a hold of him.
“No I won’t.”
I managed to get Cat outside, and even though I was cold as hell without my jacket, I tried not to care about it. We walked towards the bridge slowly, but surely.
“Whip, do you have a cigarette?” Cat finally asked when he had kept quiet for a long time.
“Yes, but you can only have one at home.”
“Why not now?”
“Because I’m cold and the faster we walk, the faster we are at home.”
“Okay.”
It didn’t snow as hard anymore, but it was still freezing. I watched Cat as I lead him across the bridge and towards home. He was wearing broken, black jeans and under my jacket a black short-sleeved t-shirt. His hair was more tangled and dirty than before, and he had dark shadows under his eyes. I felt pity more than anger for him.
Suddenly Cat stopped in the middle of the bridge and refused to move forward. He was staring over the railing at the dark river and didn’t even listen to me.
“Cat?” I tried to pull on his sleeve, but he tore his arm from my grip and walked closer to the railing. I slipped on the icy, silent road behind him and shook from the cold.
“Cat, can you hear me at all?”
Cat took a hold of the railing with both hands and leaned to look down. At that point it stopped being funny and I looked more seriously at what he was doing.
“I wonder how cold the water is?” Cat suddenly asked, still looking at the river. I had now reached his side.
“Ice cold. If you fell in there, it would feel like you were swimming in ice cubes.”
Cat gave a laugh and I looked at him rather nervously. What the hell was he thinking?
“That might feel fucking good!” He announced.
“What do you mean?” I asked, even though I already knew what he meant.
“To swim in ice cubes. For the last time.”
“Come away from there, Cat.” I suggested now more anxiously. “Let’s rather go home.”
“I don’t want to go home.”
Wonderful. This meant that Cat was planning a suicide. Was he just that stoned or just so depressed?
“Yes you do!” I tried a little more strictly. “At home it’s warm, Cat. There’s a bed you can sleep in and food as much as you can eat. In here it’s just cold, dark and lonely.”
Cat didn’t say anything. He just kept looking down at the dark river. Suddenly he raised his blue eyes to me.
“Whip, do you love me?”
I looked in his eyes for a long while before I answered.
“Yes, I love you, Cat. Would you come home with me?”
Cat seemed to be thinking about the matter, but kept looking at me, still.
“Even though I kissed another man?”
“Even though you kissed another man, I still love you.”
Cat turned his eyes to the river for one more moment. Finally he let go of the railing and turned again to look at me.
“Okay.” He said quietly and tried to smile, I guess. “Let’s go home.”
I smiled, even if I was shaking from the cold. My lips must have already started to turn blue.
“Let’s go home, Cat, come here!” I said reaching my hand to him.
Cat came right next to me and took my hand. We walked the rest of the way home quietly. Cat was squeezing my hand a little too hard, but I didn’t care.
In the hall Cat stopped. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. I guess he was feeling the familiar smell and warmth of our home. I helped the jacket off him.
“Are you hungry?”
“No.” Cat mumbled his eyes still closed.
“You should eat.”
“Uh, okay.”
Cat followed me to the kitchen. On his way he felt the surfaces of the furniture with his fingers.
“It feels like I’d been gone forever. You haven’t changed anything.” He said silently.
“You’ve only been gone a week and why would I have changed something, when everything is good like this?”
Cat smiled.
“Skinny said you haven’t even changed the sheets.”
I gave a sigh. Skinny couldn’t keep his mouth shut.
Cat examined the fridge and found something edible in there. I watched him as he wolfed down the food like he hadn’t had anything to eat for a whole week. Hadn’t Bone given Cat any food at all? Or then Cat just hadn’t wanted to touch the food.
“Whip…” Cat said when we were out on the balcony having a smoke. “I think I will feel really horrible in the morning.”
“Doesn’t surprise me… Have you taken something else than alcohol?” I finally got the courage to ask.
Cat kept quiet for a while.
“Well… heroine… But just a little. And some random pills… I don’t really even know what they had.”
“Damn it, Cat!”
Cat didn’t say anything.
“Whip…” Cat said again after a long silence.
“Yes?”
I killed my cigarette to the ashtray and Cat did the same.
“If I feel like I want heroine in the morning, would you promise me that you won’t give it to me? I have it in the pocket of my jeans… Wait.”
Cat dug on his pockets until he found what he was looking for; a little bag filled with white powder. He handed me the bag.
“Destroy it, do something to it, whatever, so that there’s no way I can get it.” He said with his hands shaking. “And if I try to find it or whatever, tie me to the bed or something, just don’t give it to me!”
I took the bag and looked Cat straight in the eyes.
“I wouldn’t give this to you in any circumstances!” I promised. “Come with me and we’ll flush this down the toilet, okay? Do you have any more?”
Cat shook his head. I got up from my chair to get inside and Cat followed me. We walked to the bathroom of our bedroom, where I poured the bag’s content down the toilet. Cat followed my doings silently from the door.
“And you are sure you don’t have any more of this?” I asked one more time. Cat gave a sigh and dug up a new bag from his other pocket. I emptied that one to the toilet as well.
“And this was all?”
“Everything.” Cat assured me.
We left the bathroom and moved to the bedroom. From the open windows you could see a view of a nightly winter, which was no doubt beautiful. The streetlights got the snow to glimmer beautifully.
“Will I sleep on the sofa?” Cat asked quietly, when I was pulling the curtains in front of the windows. I turned to face him.
“Of course not, you will come sleep next to me.”
Cat smiled a little and got undressed. I heard him climb in the bed as I pulled the curtains on the last window. Our bedroom was quite large, but so was the entire apartment. I threw the clothes off me and climbed under the covers next to Cat.
I wrapped my arm around Cat, when he was laying with his back towards me, and pressed as close to him as I could. We were quiet for a long time, but didn’t sleep yet.
“Have you had other men or were you just talking shit in the bar?” I finally asked bluntly, since it was still bothering me. Cat laughed, but got more serious as he answered.
“I haven’t had anyone else, I was just trying to annoy you.”
I smiled, even though Cat couldn’t see it. Carefully I pressed my lips on the back on his neck.
“You have no idea how much I’ve missed you…” I whispered to him.
“I know, Whip.” Cat whispered back. “But I have missed you a lot more!”
I laughed and so did Cat.
“I don’t ever have to live without you again, do I?” I continued whispering to Cat’s ear.
“No, if it’s up to me.”
A long silence fell between us and I already thought Cat was asleep.
“Whip, could you promise me something?” He then asked suddenly.
“I will promise you anything you want.” I answered without hesitating.
“Will you promise that we will be together forever? Until death do us part?” Cat spoke in such classic way it felt like I was in a Romeo and Juliet -movie.
“Till death do us part, Cat -darling.”
“Could you promise me something, too?” I said mostly with humor.
“Anything, Whip -darling.” Cat answered.
“Promise me that you won’t kiss any other man ever again? That you only kiss my lips from now on!”
Cat laughed, and I couldn’t avoid laughing either.
“I promise. I will never again kiss anyone else’s lips but yours!” He said ceremoniously. “Should we sleep now?”
“Let’s sleep.” I gave a laugh. “And by the way, I promise to hold your hair up in the morning when you throw up.”
“Screw you, Whip, good night!”
“Good night, Cat.”
I stayed listening to Cat’s even and calm breath for a long time, before I fell asleep myself.