PGSM Angst
The Park. It was always a great place to clear my head. A walk through the densely forested park paths, surrounded by towering columns of sienna packed so close together that daylight fought to shine through, usually cleared my head of anything. Unfortunately for me, today my head was not getting cleared. All I could think about was what happened earlier today when I went to give him the cookies I put all of my heart into making.
Naru had given me all his personal information earlier in the day. How she obtained his address and phone number beats the heck out of me. I never thought Naru to be the stalkeresque type; sheesh, just when you think you know a person… We baked cookies in class. I did not have a partner, so sensei had volunteered herself to help me. I was so proud of myself that the cookies turned out the correct colour. Usually when I bake, the final product is the same every time. Black, and stuck to the pan. But not these cookies; they were brown and looked and smelled edible. ‘He’ll like them for sure!’ I deluded myself.
I went to his apartment, hoping to give them to him. He was just walking out of his apartment, looking handsome as ever. I was just about to run up to him when she appeared. A woman walked out of his building, and entwined her arm in his. I don’t remember much after that; I think I tried to block it out.
Forcing myself to think about the current task at hand, I put one foot in front of the other and continued my walk through the darkened park path to one of my favourite places. The fountain at the end of the path was so pretty. It was of a prince and princess standing in front of the moon, kissing. It made me happy just to be around it, and right now I needed to be happy. I mean, my heart was broken, he didn’t appear to care, and I’m left to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart on my own. I figure I could at least be happy for a few moments, if not longer.
The fountain’s clearing came into my sight within minutes; getting closer to the awe-inspiring sight made me stop dead in my tracks. What the heck was he doing, standing there in front of was supposed to be my place of respite? I wasn’t going to run away again, though. I kept walking towards him. It didn’t take him long to realize I was there, though he barely acknowledged I was there. Perhaps it was better this way. I walked up next to him, staring at the fountain. It’s odd, though. As upset as I am, I still get the warm feeling boiling up in the pit of my stomach standing near him. If I were happier, I might even say it’s kind of romantic being here with him.
“Usagi…” Mamoru’s deep voice echoed in the clearing, not to mention that it has been sending shivers up my spine since the day I fell for him.
“Mamoru.” I said plainly. He was going to get as little response out of me as possible. I hope he can’t see how tense I am around him.
“Something wrong?” Damn his deep sexy voice. It could coax the problem out of him with no effort on his part.
“No.” I lied.
“You’re a horrible liar, Usagi.” He turned to walk away, and had started to walk off when I broke down and started crying. I’m so weak sometimes. Perhaps I let myself cry to get Mamoru to stay. Regardless of whether or not that’s why I let myself cry, Mamoru was suddenly next to me.
“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong now, Usagi?” His voice was so gentle. Why are you being so sweet to me!? It would be easier to be upset at you if you were cold! Damn you, Mamoru. I couldn’t tell him what was wrong; not yet anyway. I just continued to cry. I slumped to the ground facing the circular base of the ivory white fountain; he knelt down next to me. The scent of his cologne assaulted my sense of smell. Oh god did he smell good. Something took over in me, and before I knew what I was doing, I threw my head into his shoulder and cried some more. I felt a little better when he tried to comfort me by wrapping his arms around me and held me. The feel of his arms around me and his scent intoxicating me, I felt a little better. I looked up at him.
“…That girl.” I whispered into his shoulder. He either didn’t hear me or didn’t say anything if he did. All he did was hold me. Finally I looked up at him, my face centimeters away from his. “That girl… the one I saw you with outside your apartment…” I went back to sobbing into his shoulder.
“…Hina? Why would she be a problem?” I remained silent. Judging by how he never pressed me to answer, I’m guessing it was a rhetorical question. The hold of his arms around me tightened; my racing heart skipped a beat. I looked up at him again.
“The only way it would be a problem is if I were to have fallen for you.” I whispered, the tears still streaming down my face. The realization of what I told him seemed to sink in, and I don’t think he could’ve held me tighter if he tried after he tightened his hold on me once again.
“Usako…” I never had been called that before…and coming from Mamoru, I wasn’t going to complain. He looked at me again. I don’t know who closed the gap between our mouths, all I know is that suddenly he was trying to turn a chaste kiss into something more.
I sighed as I stood by the fountain, my fantasy coming to an end. Mamoru was standing by the fountain with his girlfriend. I think I’m going to be sick.