Frail wings; chp 4
Title: Frail wings
Pairings: yunjae
Genre: angst
Do you know the story of Icarus? He who flew too high and burned the wings.
Like Icarus, I collide,losing my faith in everything.
chapter 3
Frail wings;
The further I fly, the farther away I’m from you.
Chapter 04
“ Hey Yunho”
I seem to have forgotten about Jaewook, looking like he belongs to another place but here. Soon enough, his finger dips into my cheek, his lips in a smug grin. “ Hey Yunho”
I’m busy with school assignment and Jaewook was never born with patience neither he’ll grow some at his age.
I give in.
“What is it?” I clear my throat, finding betrayal in my own voice. Jaewook never made anything he says easy to understand.
“It lasted only for half a year.”
I knew what exactly he’s trying to pull and what I know next is that this is leading to something amusing.
“ If someone fall in love wholeheartedly …” He drags, tapping fingers on his thighs. “ ..and this goes beyond that half a year..” He raises a finger, pointing at me. “ He will plunge into insanity.”
Whoever broke this man really did serious damage.“ If I ever fall for that person again, it will be abnormal.”
His eyes are already glassy, shielding the insecurity that he keeps so well.
“ I want to fly away, Yunho.”
Jaewook is doing what he does best, making fun of me, playing around trying to make me believe what he wants me to believe.
That he likes me, that I’m special to him. I’m not and he sure knows it.
“Fly with me.” The tension thickens. I’m just a door and Jaewook wants out. I can’t do this. Not when he’s shoving whatever he has into anyone’s palm.
“Say, I do want a pair of wings.” I’m being too obvious with my intention to run away. Jaewook shifts his gaze elsewhere, sensing it.
“Don’t you want a pair too?” I try. No response. I take the broken sculpture. Where my fingers used to hook are now empty crevices, aftermath from the fall the sculpture took. Something about it makes Jaewook ticks. He stands on impulse, almost snarling before snatching the sculpture.
Someone had been watching us from the door and Jaewook is the first to realize it.
“ Jaejoong.” Voice almost desperate, Jaewook’s eyes fixed solidly on the man. Jaejoong, well being Jaejoong, keeps his asshole-self ready to charge.
“ You wanted a pair of wings. Let’s go find ‘em Yunho.” Suddenly, I got lost in the situation. A weak sigh from Jaewook as he steps back.
I need an answer. These guys aren’t going to provide me any details of their past. And if you ask, what is the worse thing that happens to me since I know these two?
Nothing is ever in my control. Jaejoong grabs me by the wrist and the two of us are off to some place else.
“ Wait a sec..” I strike. Jaewook is already slumped into his seat, holding onto the sculpture like it’s his dear life. Finding my hesitance annoying, Jaejoong spats his fury. “Enough already. Let’s go.”
:::
I grew up having an asthmatic problem with me. I don’t make a point of telling everyone about it but today, I’ll make an exception.
“Slow down. I don’t bring my inhaler. ” I struggle to catch one sharp and numbing breath.
“Such a nag. Quit it.”
“ Just wait..”
Jaejoong frees me only to become so anal about it. Arms akimbo, he waits for my excuse. It becomes a burden for me just to shove it at his face that my hand hurts, he’s a Hitler reincarnation of sort and he got lucky that I didn’t pass out being oxygen deprived.
He is going over the borderline of being a little possessive.The last time I checked, I belong to no one.My brain is slow to pick things up but it did. It is clear that Jaejoong doesn’t like it whenever Jaewook and I are together.
He must be getting all the wrong ideas. I did kiss him twice or perhaps his relationship status with Jaewook is yet unresolved so he brings me here wanting to bash my teeth out.
“Don’t be mistaken. If this is about the kiss yesterday or Jaewook....”
“ Actually, I like it here.”
We’re at the river bank and I see nothing special about that place.
“Not really different from yesterday.”
“ Idiot” He snaps.
I’m fine being the idiot here but Jaejoong is getting weird, immersed in the idea of this place being wonderful . “ Isn’t it great? I love it here.”
I don’t understand this man, not even one bit. Is it because we did kiss here yesterday that this river bank somehow became special to him? That sure is a little complex.
“ There must be something in the water. Go find your feather.” He chirps. For a moment there, I think I saw a little Jaejoong, a youngster who is being all pushy and demanding; a spoiled brat. Nothing too different than his usual self.
He goes into the water, it reaches a little further above his ankle. I am certain that I don’t want to go cold stream. Today is already cold as any day in Seoul can get. Jaejoong is picking up stones and debris, analyzing their shapes before throwing them back to where they belong. He’s focusing on finding something he doesn’t even know what and he looks so silly doing so.
I mumble a ‘ I don’t want to catch a cold’ soft enough to not let him hear. He’s just too stubborn so I know I stand no chance of escaping this.
“ What are you doing? Come on over here.” I end up staring at his excited face, still fearing for the water.
“Aren’t you looking for the wings, Yunho?” I have no way out.
Jaejoong is quiet after I decided to join his search. He remains that way for some time. It’s amusing to see a lot of remaining porcelain in the water, now merely disposal matters. I don’t know how they get there though.
“ I did it !” Jaejoong kills the quietude dead. “ I found the wing, Yunho!”
My finger is gripping onto a piece of porcelain, looking ugly on its own. It hits me. This is a piece that I want to keep. “ Found it !” My voice quivers due to the overflowing excitement. ‘ Found it. Found it!”
Jaejoong approaches with what he had found and oddly, our pieces fit perfectly as if they’re from a piece before got broken into two.
I rub the thought off instantly.
Jaejoong is genuinely happy and I’ve never seen him like that. It’s ethereal and different. I don’t know why but I find myself smiling so wide that my cheeks hurt.
I am happy. I truly am. Just the thought of finding something that matches for once is some sort of an achievement to me. No one would understand why this is such a thing to be excited for but Jaejoong waits for no time for celebration. He pulls me closer hugging me tight.
“ I like you.” I am completely stunned.
“ I like you.” Jaejoong’s grip gets stronger, sinking his face onto my shoulder.
What is this ache? I am not worthy of all this. I am just Jung Yunho. I have nothing and no one in this world. I can’t carve beautiful sculptures just yet. I can’t provide him with anything extravagant.
I am just Jung Yunho, the adopted son of an artisan. I am in my father’s shadow and I want things to forever remain the way they are. I don’t want to get to be scrutinized for what I do and choose.
“Sorry.”
I break him as much as I could. I don’t want to fail Jaejoong later so I thought that I might as well hurt him now.
“ I am not ready.”
Jaejoong is reluctant to let me go. “I could see our affinity in you.”
The Jaejoong in my arms is begging, far nothing like the arrogant snob that he was. He’s begging for me.
“ Sorry.”
I am good with this. I can break Jaejoong over and over again like I was made for it. He releases me with a soft sigh. I am not sorry for what I just did even if I know the moment that I walk away is the start of his misery.
I am not sorry for what I just did. I hurt myself more than I hurt him.
:::
It’s been a while since I see more than the inside of my room. One call from a classmate and a few text messages asking me why I missed classes for so long are the only things that kept me connected to the outside world.
I heard nothing from Jaewook or Jaejoong. I wonder what I have missed. I know I need to check on Jaewook. He didn’t look good when I left with Jaejoong the other day. Truth is, I’ve been thinking about Jaejoong a little too much.
I could have given the relationship a try and see how things go from there. It irks me to be this indecisive. What I did to Jaejoong back then was heartless and now is about the right time for regrets.
School is busy with students heading for their classes and I don’t plan on catching up with any of my friends. It feels great to finally breathe some fresh air. Today is going to be a great day or I suppose it was. On my way to meet Jaewook, just to check how he’s doing, I meet Kangin and the other two. Talk about bad luck.
I can’t run or turn away. That would be a coward act. Even if I’m sick enough and clever not to get myself in a fight or plainly afraid of them, it’s about time for this to end. My lack of fear ticks Kangin off.
“ Celebrity kid.” He purposely runs into me and my bag hits the floor. A few of my art stationeries left rolling on the cold pavement. “ Just where are you heading?” Kangin picks up a tube of paint off the pavement and fiddles with it.
“None of your business.”
“ Play nice kid. Suppose you’re going to Jaewook’s room?.”
He could’ve easily guessed it as said place is only a few steps away from the hallway.
“ You’ve got a problem with that?”
“Damn, I thought his gay won’t rub on ya” The way Kangin is having fun mocking is spiteful. “ Why Jaewook, fag? Cos he’s pretty?”.
I grit my teeth not wanting to lose it to him. “ I believe I don’t have to share it with you” I pause. “ … the details”
It sets Kangin off . “ You know what? Your Daddy must be proud of you.”
“ … just don’t let him know that you’re a having it up in the ass. It will break his poor old heart.” Seeing how Kangin , Shindong and Donghae lauhing their own asses and having so much fun, I just had to pop the truth.
“ He’s dead. Not in the news.His management didn’t want to risk it, saying it was a natural death”
I laugh bitterly. “ He fucking put a bullet through his brain, what’s natural with that?.”
A deadly silence ensues. Shindong quickly pulls his comrades away as he sees my face. I must admit. I am losing it. I am tired of having to be me sometimes. Kangin is dumbfounded; and I wonder who’s the one who just lost a father.
Donghae leaves me a piece of advice before the three of them walk away in haste, dipshit afraid of my next line.
“ You don’t want to meet Jaewook. He’s pretty occupied.”
:::
I push the door of Jaewook’s studio hoping that I’d see his face but he’s nowhere near the working area. There’s a bad feeling about this. The air even smells different, dense and brewing all kinds of suspicions.
A whimper baits me. A sleek silhouette behind the curtain of the resting area somehow looks familiar. Another whimper sets in and my chest tightened.
No, this can’t be. My fingers curl around the white curtain. This can’t be.
No.
I soon find myself staring at tangles of limbs and flesh. Someone is gripping hard on the mattress looking like he’s about to explode.
It’s Jaejoong.
I hear myself gasp and so did the two. Jaewook who was busy thrusting his way stops half-way, lazy eyes catching a glimpse of my back.
My vision somewhat blurs and I run as fast as I could, not knowing where my legs will take me.
a/n: back with new layout & a crave for angst. ohay, talk to me. how's yr 2011 so far?
Pairings: yunjae
Genre: angst
Do you know the story of Icarus? He who flew too high and burned the wings.
Like Icarus, I collide,losing my faith in everything.
chapter 3
Frail wings;
The further I fly, the farther away I’m from you.
Chapter 04
“ Hey Yunho”
I seem to have forgotten about Jaewook, looking like he belongs to another place but here. Soon enough, his finger dips into my cheek, his lips in a smug grin. “ Hey Yunho”
I’m busy with school assignment and Jaewook was never born with patience neither he’ll grow some at his age.
I give in.
“What is it?” I clear my throat, finding betrayal in my own voice. Jaewook never made anything he says easy to understand.
“It lasted only for half a year.”
I knew what exactly he’s trying to pull and what I know next is that this is leading to something amusing.
“ If someone fall in love wholeheartedly …” He drags, tapping fingers on his thighs. “ ..and this goes beyond that half a year..” He raises a finger, pointing at me. “ He will plunge into insanity.”
Whoever broke this man really did serious damage.“ If I ever fall for that person again, it will be abnormal.”
His eyes are already glassy, shielding the insecurity that he keeps so well.
“ I want to fly away, Yunho.”
Jaewook is doing what he does best, making fun of me, playing around trying to make me believe what he wants me to believe.
That he likes me, that I’m special to him. I’m not and he sure knows it.
“Fly with me.” The tension thickens. I’m just a door and Jaewook wants out. I can’t do this. Not when he’s shoving whatever he has into anyone’s palm.
“Say, I do want a pair of wings.” I’m being too obvious with my intention to run away. Jaewook shifts his gaze elsewhere, sensing it.
“Don’t you want a pair too?” I try. No response. I take the broken sculpture. Where my fingers used to hook are now empty crevices, aftermath from the fall the sculpture took. Something about it makes Jaewook ticks. He stands on impulse, almost snarling before snatching the sculpture.
Someone had been watching us from the door and Jaewook is the first to realize it.
“ Jaejoong.” Voice almost desperate, Jaewook’s eyes fixed solidly on the man. Jaejoong, well being Jaejoong, keeps his asshole-self ready to charge.
“ You wanted a pair of wings. Let’s go find ‘em Yunho.” Suddenly, I got lost in the situation. A weak sigh from Jaewook as he steps back.
I need an answer. These guys aren’t going to provide me any details of their past. And if you ask, what is the worse thing that happens to me since I know these two?
Nothing is ever in my control. Jaejoong grabs me by the wrist and the two of us are off to some place else.
“ Wait a sec..” I strike. Jaewook is already slumped into his seat, holding onto the sculpture like it’s his dear life. Finding my hesitance annoying, Jaejoong spats his fury. “Enough already. Let’s go.”
:::
I grew up having an asthmatic problem with me. I don’t make a point of telling everyone about it but today, I’ll make an exception.
“Slow down. I don’t bring my inhaler. ” I struggle to catch one sharp and numbing breath.
“Such a nag. Quit it.”
“ Just wait..”
Jaejoong frees me only to become so anal about it. Arms akimbo, he waits for my excuse. It becomes a burden for me just to shove it at his face that my hand hurts, he’s a Hitler reincarnation of sort and he got lucky that I didn’t pass out being oxygen deprived.
He is going over the borderline of being a little possessive.The last time I checked, I belong to no one.My brain is slow to pick things up but it did. It is clear that Jaejoong doesn’t like it whenever Jaewook and I are together.
He must be getting all the wrong ideas. I did kiss him twice or perhaps his relationship status with Jaewook is yet unresolved so he brings me here wanting to bash my teeth out.
“Don’t be mistaken. If this is about the kiss yesterday or Jaewook....”
“ Actually, I like it here.”
We’re at the river bank and I see nothing special about that place.
“Not really different from yesterday.”
“ Idiot” He snaps.
I’m fine being the idiot here but Jaejoong is getting weird, immersed in the idea of this place being wonderful . “ Isn’t it great? I love it here.”
I don’t understand this man, not even one bit. Is it because we did kiss here yesterday that this river bank somehow became special to him? That sure is a little complex.
“ There must be something in the water. Go find your feather.” He chirps. For a moment there, I think I saw a little Jaejoong, a youngster who is being all pushy and demanding; a spoiled brat. Nothing too different than his usual self.
He goes into the water, it reaches a little further above his ankle. I am certain that I don’t want to go cold stream. Today is already cold as any day in Seoul can get. Jaejoong is picking up stones and debris, analyzing their shapes before throwing them back to where they belong. He’s focusing on finding something he doesn’t even know what and he looks so silly doing so.
I mumble a ‘ I don’t want to catch a cold’ soft enough to not let him hear. He’s just too stubborn so I know I stand no chance of escaping this.
“ What are you doing? Come on over here.” I end up staring at his excited face, still fearing for the water.
“Aren’t you looking for the wings, Yunho?” I have no way out.
Jaejoong is quiet after I decided to join his search. He remains that way for some time. It’s amusing to see a lot of remaining porcelain in the water, now merely disposal matters. I don’t know how they get there though.
“ I did it !” Jaejoong kills the quietude dead. “ I found the wing, Yunho!”
My finger is gripping onto a piece of porcelain, looking ugly on its own. It hits me. This is a piece that I want to keep. “ Found it !” My voice quivers due to the overflowing excitement. ‘ Found it. Found it!”
Jaejoong approaches with what he had found and oddly, our pieces fit perfectly as if they’re from a piece before got broken into two.
I rub the thought off instantly.
Jaejoong is genuinely happy and I’ve never seen him like that. It’s ethereal and different. I don’t know why but I find myself smiling so wide that my cheeks hurt.
I am happy. I truly am. Just the thought of finding something that matches for once is some sort of an achievement to me. No one would understand why this is such a thing to be excited for but Jaejoong waits for no time for celebration. He pulls me closer hugging me tight.
“ I like you.” I am completely stunned.
“ I like you.” Jaejoong’s grip gets stronger, sinking his face onto my shoulder.
What is this ache? I am not worthy of all this. I am just Jung Yunho. I have nothing and no one in this world. I can’t carve beautiful sculptures just yet. I can’t provide him with anything extravagant.
I am just Jung Yunho, the adopted son of an artisan. I am in my father’s shadow and I want things to forever remain the way they are. I don’t want to get to be scrutinized for what I do and choose.
“Sorry.”
I break him as much as I could. I don’t want to fail Jaejoong later so I thought that I might as well hurt him now.
“ I am not ready.”
Jaejoong is reluctant to let me go. “I could see our affinity in you.”
The Jaejoong in my arms is begging, far nothing like the arrogant snob that he was. He’s begging for me.
“ Sorry.”
I am good with this. I can break Jaejoong over and over again like I was made for it. He releases me with a soft sigh. I am not sorry for what I just did even if I know the moment that I walk away is the start of his misery.
I am not sorry for what I just did. I hurt myself more than I hurt him.
:::
It’s been a while since I see more than the inside of my room. One call from a classmate and a few text messages asking me why I missed classes for so long are the only things that kept me connected to the outside world.
I heard nothing from Jaewook or Jaejoong. I wonder what I have missed. I know I need to check on Jaewook. He didn’t look good when I left with Jaejoong the other day. Truth is, I’ve been thinking about Jaejoong a little too much.
I could have given the relationship a try and see how things go from there. It irks me to be this indecisive. What I did to Jaejoong back then was heartless and now is about the right time for regrets.
School is busy with students heading for their classes and I don’t plan on catching up with any of my friends. It feels great to finally breathe some fresh air. Today is going to be a great day or I suppose it was. On my way to meet Jaewook, just to check how he’s doing, I meet Kangin and the other two. Talk about bad luck.
I can’t run or turn away. That would be a coward act. Even if I’m sick enough and clever not to get myself in a fight or plainly afraid of them, it’s about time for this to end. My lack of fear ticks Kangin off.
“ Celebrity kid.” He purposely runs into me and my bag hits the floor. A few of my art stationeries left rolling on the cold pavement. “ Just where are you heading?” Kangin picks up a tube of paint off the pavement and fiddles with it.
“None of your business.”
“ Play nice kid. Suppose you’re going to Jaewook’s room?.”
He could’ve easily guessed it as said place is only a few steps away from the hallway.
“ You’ve got a problem with that?”
“Damn, I thought his gay won’t rub on ya” The way Kangin is having fun mocking is spiteful. “ Why Jaewook, fag? Cos he’s pretty?”.
I grit my teeth not wanting to lose it to him. “ I believe I don’t have to share it with you” I pause. “ … the details”
It sets Kangin off . “ You know what? Your Daddy must be proud of you.”
“ … just don’t let him know that you’re a having it up in the ass. It will break his poor old heart.” Seeing how Kangin , Shindong and Donghae lauhing their own asses and having so much fun, I just had to pop the truth.
“ He’s dead. Not in the news.His management didn’t want to risk it, saying it was a natural death”
I laugh bitterly. “ He fucking put a bullet through his brain, what’s natural with that?.”
A deadly silence ensues. Shindong quickly pulls his comrades away as he sees my face. I must admit. I am losing it. I am tired of having to be me sometimes. Kangin is dumbfounded; and I wonder who’s the one who just lost a father.
Donghae leaves me a piece of advice before the three of them walk away in haste, dipshit afraid of my next line.
“ You don’t want to meet Jaewook. He’s pretty occupied.”
:::
I push the door of Jaewook’s studio hoping that I’d see his face but he’s nowhere near the working area. There’s a bad feeling about this. The air even smells different, dense and brewing all kinds of suspicions.
A whimper baits me. A sleek silhouette behind the curtain of the resting area somehow looks familiar. Another whimper sets in and my chest tightened.
No, this can’t be. My fingers curl around the white curtain. This can’t be.
No.
I soon find myself staring at tangles of limbs and flesh. Someone is gripping hard on the mattress looking like he’s about to explode.
It’s Jaejoong.
I hear myself gasp and so did the two. Jaewook who was busy thrusting his way stops half-way, lazy eyes catching a glimpse of my back.
My vision somewhat blurs and I run as fast as I could, not knowing where my legs will take me.
a/n: back with new layout & a crave for angst. ohay, talk to me. how's yr 2011 so far?