(Untitled)

[debsinenglish]

As I am looking for ways to procrastinate writing papers, and as I have finished my grading in an attempt to procrastinate writing said papers, I want to take a moment to write a more elaborate set of snarky comments thoughtful critiques about the  dimwits maturity-challenged students from this semester.

For a while now, I have been very much

Comments

[shannon_f_r]

THIS IS FACTUALLY INCORRECT.

Monkeys with smart phones could definitely write better emails than most undergraduates. Remember, if you got enough of them in a room, they'd eventually type out Hamlet, which is more than we can say for students.

"unlike some other instructors, keep [you] here for the entire class time"

One professor (probably high on Xanax or maybe something better) once told this kid that he wrote "pretty well" and got him out of the room so she could turn off the high-pitched whine in her head, and that got magnified in his mind to "inscrutable genius," probably while he was jacking off to the ex-cheerleader's yearbook photo.

[debsinenglish]

"Monkeys with smart phones could definitely write better emails than most undergraduates. Remember, if you got enough of them in a room, they'd eventually type out Hamlet, which is more than we can say for students."

Thanks so much for pointing out an embarrassing error in my text!

"I expect you to behave like an adult, write emails to me that do not resemble a monkey's attempt at text messaging."

I meant drunk and blind monkeys educated by the state of Texas. That's the kind of performance minimum I'd like to see them reach.

Sorry if my comments offend drunk people or blind people, or monkeys suffering either or both of these plights. I am also sorry for people educated by the state of Texas. For different reasons, obviously.

[ambtiondata]

Dude (I have to share this) - kid today first tried to get out of study group by using the force, "you WILL give me credit even if I don't come to study group." When I turned out not to be susceptible to his weak Jedi mind tricks, in retaliation he spent the first 10 minutes or so of study group arguing with anyone who would engage (sadly, too many) regarding the definition of asexuality and, in particular, whether or not a Hutt can have a penis.

[rokikurama]

You have my utter and complete sympathy.

Also, you caused me to crack up in the middle of my studio surrounded by the master's students who have a deadline tomorrow and are now shooting me nasty looks.

[debsinenglish]

But my question remains unanswered: how ever did you stave off his Jedi mind tricks? After two years they still get me every time.

[ambtiondata]

Maybe I'm a Hutt... apparently they aren't easily force-addled (according to wookiepedia, which said student cited numerous times in his rant) ;) But he actually did praise my strong-mindedness when I failed to give in....

[intextrovert]

Ugh - you can tell it's the end of the semester; we all want nothing more but to vent about the wastes of space that are our students. Allow me to indulge

[rokikurama]

Trust me, those people should have come to art school. My one flatmate is actually proud of the fact that her work is all about herself. I suppose I'm not "with it" enough to understand.

It's especially sad because I think that the academic writing mold could stand to be shaken up a bit, but people like this give even the attempt a bad name.

[intextrovert]

Yeah, I have no problem with bending/challenging the rules...but you have to know how to use them/understand them first to do that in any effective way. Kids don't get that - they see rule-breakers and see it as a way to get around thinking, rather than as something that requires thinking more.

[debsinenglish]

But see, this is exactly the root of the problem. The rhet/comp program, for which I work (and which is slowly taking over the academic universe using subversive offensive tactics) not only encourages but also APPLAUDS this precise type of "individual" "unique" pathos driven crap that demonstrates absolutely no ability to engage in the rigor of academic discourse or substantiate the argument by making logically sound deductive claims

[_theplague]

Ugh. I've only ever taught one class but let me say how much I feel for you. I don't know how I'm going to deal when I get my first class.

This isn't my snowflake story but my friend who works in the writing center at my undergrad had to deal with a girl who wanted to write her senior thesis on Neil Gaiman's Coraline with the thesis statement: "Parents and their children see things differently." My friend said she had to do everything she could not to laugh in the girl's face. The girl then went on to defend that position, claiming that it was a legitimate point of contention, and then got unreasonably snarky. Really?

[rokikurama]

Thats... so sad. That's all she could come up with about CORALINE?! Ugh.

[intextrovert]

Ugh, those are the WORST. The thesis statements that say NOTHING. Like "the use of light and dark helps the reader understand and get a deeper meaning out of the book," or "Money means different things to different people." Arrrghhh.

Also the worst when they think they are genius for saying it, and will not be convinced otherwise.

[debsinenglish]

I think you will find this article rather stimulating.

http://suburbdad.blogspot.com/2006/02/men-in-hats-or-im-glad-i-dont-teach.html

Short summary:

Although Curious George and Brokeback Mountain share many similarities, they also share many differences. Both involve men in hats, but the meaning of the hat changes.

Curious George is the story of a monkey and the man he adopts. The Man in the Yellow Hat works in a museum, where he never figures out that Drew Barrymore has a crush on him. He must be gay or something. He gets sent to Africa to find a statue that could save the museum. He doesn’t, but he could of if he had figured out how to read the map. A monkey steals his hat, which is like stealing his identity, but it’s a hat. It’s an example of nature’s inhumanity to man.

[rokikurama]

Good lord. That's... horrifying. I'm glad you do call the evil little snowflake on it. Maybe you should just attach a recommendation to read Swift's remarks on overpopulation in Ireland ;-) Almost over. Almost over. And now you have great stories to share in teacher assistant lounges/bar nights, right?