Hey- mod post

[maevele]

It looks like the other mods and maintainers or whatever have gone missing? And I am heavily distracted by life bullshit, so am only lightly moderating a damn thing. I'm giving what thought I can spare to the situation that just went down and figuring out if there is policy or something for how much rape apologism I am supposed to just glare at

Comments

[jabber]

I'd suggest leaving it alone, as an example to others.

[maevele]

yeah, I wasn't going to delete any of it, I'm just wondering how people want that sort of thing handled in the future. I don't want anyone to think my lack of mod activity meant that shit was okay.

[jabber]

This comm ought to be a safe place for people to explore their male privilege. That said, I can only speak for myself, and when I stick my foot in my mouth, there is no better learning experience for me than to let it stay there until I gag on it myself. no amount of intervention is a better lesson.

[jonathankorman]

It's very puzzling to me what you mean by “safe place” in this context.

For what it's worth:

Were it up to me I'd like this forum to be more patient with talking through men's wrongheaded thinking. It isn't up to me, nor should it be. But that more forgiving forum that I imagine still wouldn't be safe for those wrongheaded men. It would be - it must be - challenging, demanding, and upsetting for them (or rather us, if you will). That is necessary for the discussion to be fruitful.

This does raise the question of whether it should be safe(r) space for women participating. I don't see that the forum has a clear policy on that. Maybe it should.

[cuddlegrimm]

Wow, uhm, could you mention that the post you're talking about is kind of triggering for rape/sexual assault? I thought it was just regular ole wank but damn... :( Specially considering someone said they had once committed sexual assault. I just, I'm very lucky I manage my stuff so well, could you warn for other people who aren't as lucky/privileged?

[maevele]

Sure. This is exactly the kind of concern I was having, that maybe I should at least be modding for stuff that is that level of potentially triggering.

[cuddlegrimm]

I know many people would appreciate that. An assault is an assault and it.. really bothered me seeing all that out there. I wish I could actually read everything to give you a better opinion wrt: modding but ... I can't really stomach that stuff, least of all with the week I've been having.

I really don't know what to say about Stoneself's stuff either. Just... wow. :(

[writewrongs]

basically this right here

[goodbyelazarus]

Agreed x1,000,000,000,000,000

[kaowolfie]

After reading thought that filth... yeah. The rape apologist stuff was pretty upsetting.

[sebastian_bound]

The original post in question was a troll that was meant to call-out an individual without mentioning the individual in question. In the strictest sense, it would be considered cyberbullying.

I think the original poster should be banned for being a damned troll and a sockpuppet to boost.

We're at debunking male to unlearn privilege, and that can't be done without making mistakes. But if someone points out the mistake, and you're only digging your heals in, that should be a cause for a "time out" period when the person isn't allowed to post or comment, but then can come back.

[sebastian_bound]

And, yes, I am familiar with accountability procedures, but accountability requires the use of names, and not anonymous "hypotheticals".

[sebastian_bound]

I will also note that accountability requires that the victim's requests are honored, and only one commenter in the entire post asked what the victim's requests are. Nothing in the post I saw that told the victim's story mentioned anything about requiring that people unfriend the rapist.

nor did it mention anything about trolling internet forums for people who are friends with the rapist.

[countessdeweird]

I agree that the original post was a troll by a rather irritating sockpuppet, and that there ought to be at least some minimal kind of control on who is allowed to post here. I think it would also be helpful, in general terms, if there were some kind of rule about limiting an individual's responses to threads to one larger comment if you have a lot of things to say, rather than several one line responses posted within a short time period. Obviously there are cases where genuinely interested commenters will post and then think of something else important to add, but this should be pretty easy to distinguish from behaviour similar to the anon (and/or sockitty?) who dominated that last thread.

However, even though it was trollish the callout has resulted in some discussion that I dearly hope will result in Stoneself (and others reading along) confronting some of their privilege and learning to do better in future. If not, we have been provided with a stellar example of How NOT To Be An Ally.

On a tangent, I would love to see a

[maevele]

I'm trying to keep an eye on it, I'm just not sure how to handle it. I have so much going on right now, am behind on work and in personal crisis, and am really too close to all of this situation, and am losing patience with people who have like 1/10th of the information but still believe their opinions are right.

I know this is not a space that can be safe from triggers if we want to honestly talk about the hardest stuff here, I'm just trying to separate my personal reactions and triggers from the blatant apologism and justification.

I may not be the right person to be modding this particular situation.

[maevele]

thanks. I technically shouldn't be taking the time to actively mod this, but someone's gotta.
I'm glad to hear someone thinks I haven't fucked up yet. I'm really trying to stay level headed and not just flail.