Oh Mother...
In light of recent transgressions between my mother and myself I have chosen to use the Philadelphia icon to remind myself that in two Septembers I will be living in that beautiful city instead of in this shithole I call home.
What happened, pray tell? Well
So my dad's birthday is January 24th, and with it being so close to Christmas, he always gets screwed over on presents because no one has any money. I often feel bad about this so this year I told everyone BEFORE Chrismtas that I was getting him an iPod and an iTrip for his birthday, the estimated cost of $300.00, and that if anyone wanted to pitch in to let me know. My mother is ecstatic about this. Everyone (Mom, my two sisters, my sister's would-be ex-husband if mother wasn't such a drama queen, and my best friend) agrees to pitch in.
The first person to drop out is best friend. 'Tis okay. Best friend is an art student with a $500 bill for art supplies this semester. Best friend, however, is selling her Zune for $100. I agree to buy it instead of iPod. Estimated cost drops to $200.
On Christmas Sister No. 1 decides she wants a divorce and drives home from Florida. Shit hits the fan. Mother talks to Sister No. 1's would-be ex-husband every night on phone to encourage him that it isn't over. Sister No. 1's would-be ex-husband now refuses to give her a divorce so she has to go to court and may have to wait two years. Mother is ecstatic. Sister No. 1 is pissed. Whatever.
So now that Sister No. 1 needs to get a lawyer she cannot donate much. It's okay. Whatever. We chopped $100 off the price, but Sister No. 2 quits her job. Sisters No. 1 and No. 2 can donate $20 collectively. This leaves us with $180. It's fine. Mother's best friend and coworker/Sister No. 1's would be ex-husband's mother/Permanant Fixture in our house offers to donate. Excellent.
You know, as gift coordinator I am entitled to keep track of these things.
Mother and Sister's would-be ex-husband offer to each give $100 around Christmas Eve. I assume offer still good and they will be happy to hear that between the three of them they only need $150 because I can only give $30 as only worked four days over the duration of the holidays because the YMCA/Cedar Crest were closed. Not my fault. It still all seems okay.
I go downstairs today to remind Mother I need this money for Friday. She tells me Sister's would-be ex-husband is sending money but nothing about herself or would-be ex-husband's mother's contributions. I try to ask her. She freaks out about how she doesn't know what my sisters are doing because she doesn't understand what's going on with them. Conversation from there transpires something like this:
MOTHER: Do you know what Staci's so pissed off about?
ME: Um...I think she wants a divorce.
MOTHER: [irritated] Oh, is she still on about that?
ME: Yes, and considering she isn't sad about it, I think she's probably serious.
MOTHER: Well I hope she knows she has to wait two years.
ME: Yes. That's what she's pissed off about.
MOTHER: She promised Stan she'd go see a marriage counselor and I think she needs an outside perspective.
(Note: Sister made no such promise. Sister said she'd consider it but it wasn't going to change her mind.)
ME: Look, I'm her sister, but...
MOTHER: And I'm her mother.
ME: Right, but I'm only her sister. It's not my marriage. What I think doesn't matter.
MOTHER: You should talk to her.
ME: I do talk to her.
(Note: I do, too. It sounds something like 'You're young; you made a mistake. If you really want a divorce you're going to have to fight for it. Stick to your guns.' Somehow I think mother assumes it sounds somewhat different, but alas...)
MOTHER: She just needs to talk to someone else that isn't her friend and doesn't agree with everything...
ME: Mom! I am not involved in this! It isn't my marriage! It isn't your marriage.
MOTHER: Amanda, keep your voice down. Kathy's coming over and I don't want her walking in to you screaming about this. Stan is her son and I don't need you starting anything!
ME: I didn't start anything! You're the one...! (breathes) Mom, I just wanted to know about the present money because I don't know anything and I'm the one who has to go out and get it.
MOTHER: Well I told you Stan's sending his money and he's the only one who's helping out so far...
ME: I already have my money! It's in my wallet! I'm talking about you! And I thought you said Kathy was helping...
MOTHER: Well Stan's sending a check and after that we'll see what we need, but you haven't even told us how much it's all going to be yet.
ME: {tries not to bang head against wall) Yes, I did. It was 300 before Christmas, and then I told you about the Zune, so now it's...
MOTHER: 200.
ME: (exasperated) Yes.
MOTHER: Well you're going to have to talk to your sisters because I don't know what's wrong with them...
ME: Okay! Since you can't talk to them without talking about marriage, I'll talk to them.
MOTHER: Well Stan...
(I practically run up the stairs)
This is ridiculous. My mother is like this about boyfriends. She likes them more than her daughters, always takes their side, and doesn't even care when they hurt us because it's our fault. Now this divorce thing, and she's more concerned about herself because her best friend is his mother, and they only became friends after Staci started dating Stan. It's at the point where she's calling Staci's friends and cornering them and trying to get them to gang up on Staci. I want to bitchslap her.
Staci is only 20. She should have never gotten married. I said it when they got engaged and I haven't changed my tune since. I knew this was going to happen and just...I'm so sick of it.
All I'm trying to do is something nice for my Dad's birthday and she's got to turn it into another Staci-Stan drama. No big surprise, though. She did look at the wedding pictures and cry over them every night for months after they got married.
I can't even cram the years of obsession my mother's had with this boy into one journal entry or how insane she sounds. One day it will be a book in itself.
Surprisingly, though, I'm in a much better mood after writing this journal.
Think I'll go give Staci a hug.
What happened, pray tell? Well
So my dad's birthday is January 24th, and with it being so close to Christmas, he always gets screwed over on presents because no one has any money. I often feel bad about this so this year I told everyone BEFORE Chrismtas that I was getting him an iPod and an iTrip for his birthday, the estimated cost of $300.00, and that if anyone wanted to pitch in to let me know. My mother is ecstatic about this. Everyone (Mom, my two sisters, my sister's would-be ex-husband if mother wasn't such a drama queen, and my best friend) agrees to pitch in.
The first person to drop out is best friend. 'Tis okay. Best friend is an art student with a $500 bill for art supplies this semester. Best friend, however, is selling her Zune for $100. I agree to buy it instead of iPod. Estimated cost drops to $200.
On Christmas Sister No. 1 decides she wants a divorce and drives home from Florida. Shit hits the fan. Mother talks to Sister No. 1's would-be ex-husband every night on phone to encourage him that it isn't over. Sister No. 1's would-be ex-husband now refuses to give her a divorce so she has to go to court and may have to wait two years. Mother is ecstatic. Sister No. 1 is pissed. Whatever.
So now that Sister No. 1 needs to get a lawyer she cannot donate much. It's okay. Whatever. We chopped $100 off the price, but Sister No. 2 quits her job. Sisters No. 1 and No. 2 can donate $20 collectively. This leaves us with $180. It's fine. Mother's best friend and coworker/Sister No. 1's would be ex-husband's mother/Permanant Fixture in our house offers to donate. Excellent.
You know, as gift coordinator I am entitled to keep track of these things.
Mother and Sister's would-be ex-husband offer to each give $100 around Christmas Eve. I assume offer still good and they will be happy to hear that between the three of them they only need $150 because I can only give $30 as only worked four days over the duration of the holidays because the YMCA/Cedar Crest were closed. Not my fault. It still all seems okay.
I go downstairs today to remind Mother I need this money for Friday. She tells me Sister's would-be ex-husband is sending money but nothing about herself or would-be ex-husband's mother's contributions. I try to ask her. She freaks out about how she doesn't know what my sisters are doing because she doesn't understand what's going on with them. Conversation from there transpires something like this:
MOTHER: Do you know what Staci's so pissed off about?
ME: Um...I think she wants a divorce.
MOTHER: [irritated] Oh, is she still on about that?
ME: Yes, and considering she isn't sad about it, I think she's probably serious.
MOTHER: Well I hope she knows she has to wait two years.
ME: Yes. That's what she's pissed off about.
MOTHER: She promised Stan she'd go see a marriage counselor and I think she needs an outside perspective.
(Note: Sister made no such promise. Sister said she'd consider it but it wasn't going to change her mind.)
ME: Look, I'm her sister, but...
MOTHER: And I'm her mother.
ME: Right, but I'm only her sister. It's not my marriage. What I think doesn't matter.
MOTHER: You should talk to her.
ME: I do talk to her.
(Note: I do, too. It sounds something like 'You're young; you made a mistake. If you really want a divorce you're going to have to fight for it. Stick to your guns.' Somehow I think mother assumes it sounds somewhat different, but alas...)
MOTHER: She just needs to talk to someone else that isn't her friend and doesn't agree with everything...
ME: Mom! I am not involved in this! It isn't my marriage! It isn't your marriage.
MOTHER: Amanda, keep your voice down. Kathy's coming over and I don't want her walking in to you screaming about this. Stan is her son and I don't need you starting anything!
ME: I didn't start anything! You're the one...! (breathes) Mom, I just wanted to know about the present money because I don't know anything and I'm the one who has to go out and get it.
MOTHER: Well I told you Stan's sending his money and he's the only one who's helping out so far...
ME: I already have my money! It's in my wallet! I'm talking about you! And I thought you said Kathy was helping...
MOTHER: Well Stan's sending a check and after that we'll see what we need, but you haven't even told us how much it's all going to be yet.
ME: {tries not to bang head against wall) Yes, I did. It was 300 before Christmas, and then I told you about the Zune, so now it's...
MOTHER: 200.
ME: (exasperated) Yes.
MOTHER: Well you're going to have to talk to your sisters because I don't know what's wrong with them...
ME: Okay! Since you can't talk to them without talking about marriage, I'll talk to them.
MOTHER: Well Stan...
(I practically run up the stairs)
This is ridiculous. My mother is like this about boyfriends. She likes them more than her daughters, always takes their side, and doesn't even care when they hurt us because it's our fault. Now this divorce thing, and she's more concerned about herself because her best friend is his mother, and they only became friends after Staci started dating Stan. It's at the point where she's calling Staci's friends and cornering them and trying to get them to gang up on Staci. I want to bitchslap her.
Staci is only 20. She should have never gotten married. I said it when they got engaged and I haven't changed my tune since. I knew this was going to happen and just...I'm so sick of it.
All I'm trying to do is something nice for my Dad's birthday and she's got to turn it into another Staci-Stan drama. No big surprise, though. She did look at the wedding pictures and cry over them every night for months after they got married.
I can't even cram the years of obsession my mother's had with this boy into one journal entry or how insane she sounds. One day it will be a book in itself.
Surprisingly, though, I'm in a much better mood after writing this journal.
Think I'll go give Staci a hug.