A hui hou kakouf Part Two: Separated; Charred-A
Title:Charred.
Pairing: S/D
Rating: nothing sexual just harsh language.PG13
Disclaimers: Don't own anything.
Notes: Steve's PoV of their time separated.
Word Count:~8,000 yea... its long sowies
A warm hand splaying across Steve’s well-defined chest stirs him awake. His partner’s familiar voice rumbles deep and croaky from sleep, “Good morning princess.”
Sighing sweetly, Steve croons into the soft and warm smooches planting steadily down his spine, stubble tickling the broad expanse of his back.
Sunbeams from the window behind him soak the back of his head, bathing them both in welcomed warmth. Steve grips Danny’s hand. He is here. He is his. Closing his eyes again, Steve brings Danny’s hand to his face softly kissing it and presses it into his cheek to breathe him in.
Danny resurfaces from his decent down Steve’s long back sensing Steve’s somber mood, “What’s wrong babe?” He gently whispers behind Steve’s ear and leaves a strong kiss on the soft skin hidden behind the earlobe.
Steve moans softly under Danny's touch, “Just a bad dream. A terrible dream. I love you Danny.” Danny wraps his arms around Steve’s waist and hugs hard, pressing his forehead deep between Steve’s shoulder blades. Steve clings to Danny’s arms, caressing the whirls of hair, “I’m never letting you go Danno. Never. I love you so mu-“
“Then why didn’t you say it when it mattered? Before they took my body away Steve?” Danny voice scratched.
Steve concernedly parts his eyes open, “Danny? Danny, something wrong?”
“Why didn’t you say that you loved before they took my body away?” Danny sobs, something hard and stiff was scratches hard between Steve’s shoulder blades.
“Danny! What are you talking about, your body!” Steve shouts worriedly, “You’re right here! See right here- OH MY GOD DANNY!” Steve screams when he takes a reassuring look down at Danny’s hand, finding it cracked apart and heavily charred; crusty blisters and burnt scabs making it unrecognizable.
“-let them take my body away-“ Danny continued sobbing, “-without ever saying-“
Steve tore his body around to face Danny almost throwing up in horror. Danny’s whole body was charred black and disintegrating like a burnt piece of wood. Danny covers his face in shame, hiding behind his festering hands afraid of Steve seeing him like this; his singed hair dangling on his devastated scalp.
Steve screams again, “DANNY!” but an earsplitting zipping sound engulfs his voice and Danny’s wailing. A gigantic body bag envelopes up and around the bed, sealing around them, strangling the sunlight into grave darkness. Steve kept screaming Danny’s name, Danny’s sharp and broken skin scratching his bare skin raw; Steve desperately wraps an arm around Danny’s body trying keep it from disintegrating away, while the other tried to rip their way out of their fabric tomb.
“DANNY!”
Steve’s shocked body shoots off the bed surrounded by darkness; his body is slick with in a cold sweat, the bed’s wet sheets cling to his heaving body like a straightjacket. Steve attempts to pry himself out but all the thrashing from his nightmare tangled him hopelessly. In despairing fury Steve tears them apart with brute force finding shallow solace as he hears the sheets rip apart. Once free, Steve looks desperately around for his partner, charred or whole, in pieces or intact, anything.
Steve balls up against the headboard realizing he is truly alon. A terrifying, crushing pressure in his chest screams for attention, for release. His body yearns for that sweet liberating relief of crying out, to scream out sobbing. Steve’s eyes bulge out their dark sockets, but not so much as a single tear slips out his tear ducts. Steve stares just straight through his laced fingers which cup his face. Cold unfeeling grips of guilt, sorrow, and unfulfilled longings continue to silently crush Steve’s insides.
‘Please. Just. Let go. Just let me.’ Steve begs, rocking back and forth,
‘Cry.
Please- just this once.’
He chokes coughing, but nothing else comes out. Since the death of his mother he has never been able to shed a single tear. A roaring frustration fills his ears, furious at his body’s refusal, it ignorant inability, to mourn the loss of partner, his dearest friend.
Steve leaps off the bed in fury, grabbing whatever he could get his hands on and flings them across the room. Throwing a vase at the wall, he revels in the rush of adrenaline pumping in his veins, like a crude substitute in the place of grief. He pauses to watch vase shards crash in every direction before he lunges back into destroying his parent’s bedroom. He upturns the bed and throws the dresser into the closet. He grabs the portraits of his family off the walls and flings them to the walls opposite him. He pauses again once he reaches the more current framed pictures on the wall. The sharp taste of bile and disgust climbs up his tongue as he places a hand on the frame to his own portrait.
Stone faced in full naval uniform, Steve’s portrait stares emotionless back at him; He is handsomely embroidered with all the awards and titles of Lieutenant Commander. Disgusted by himself, he grabs the portrait and impales it through a lamp. He makes quick work of the portrait of him saluting to his admiral who is pinning a golden maple leaf to his shoulder. He threw the picture of him and Admiral Pepper shattering into the master bathroom. His rampage is frozen in front of the most recent photo, a small group picture of Five-0. All except Danny in islander attire, all arms on each other’s shoulders, all smiling at the camera. Danny’s hair was out of place for Steve had ruffled it seconds before for wearing a tie to a barbecue. Steve let out a throated grunt flinging his fist wildly at the picture. Glass tinkers on the floor and Steve grimaces feeling his knuckles erupt warm blood. If he couldn’t cry he was going to bleed.
Steve slides down back against the wall, cursing that he had ruined the only good picture of Danny and himself. Shifting through the splintered wood and shards of glass for the picture, he wipes the blood off quickly across a piece of torn bed sheet. Through the crumpled picture Steve saw himself grin goofily back at himself, Kono and Chin both had their sparkling white teeth and attractive smiles, Danny barely looks into the camera with an awkward transition between a pout and a grin. Steve traced a non-bloody finger around Danny’s strong jaw and then buried his face in between his knees.
He needed to see Danny, charred or whole, in pieces or intact, anything. Still clutching the crumpled photo, he eyelids slowly shut closed sending him into dark dreamless sleep.
He wakes up at noon feeling terrible and restless. After cleaning up both his wound and room, Steve gets into his truck. He makes his way up into the upscale part of town and turns into the avenue of gigantic mansion infested neighborhood of Danny’s ex-wife. Steve leaves his parked car and walks up to the voice module pressing the bell button at the front gate.
“Hello? Who’s there?” The usual sophistication in Rachel’s British voice is noticeably replaced raspy and choked.
“It’s Steve McGarrett. I have a favor to ask of you, it will only take a few minutes of your time and I was wondering if-“
The fence clicks and slide open, “Please. Please come in, I’ll put on some tea.”
Steve hears a distant scream through the speaker, “DANNO?!?!” Grace screams.
“No… No no honey, He’s… He’s not coming-“ and the voice clicks off.
As Steve enters the large foyer he's swiftly greeted by Rachel, who as usual, is flawless-every hair in place. Try as she might to appear calm, Steve keen eye catches slight red puffiness around the rims of her eyes.
“Please come into the sitting room, would you like cream or sugar?”
“Oh, neither is just fine.”
They sit on expensive furniture and sip tea under crushing silence.
After a deep inhalation Rachel starts, “Is there anything I can do for you for you Steve?”
“Oh, yes.” putting down his cup, “I.. I hope that this does not seem too forward especially so close to the death of your-“
“So this does have to do with Daniel.”
Though she stares straight at Steve, her empty eyes seem to look right through him.
“I’m really sorry to bring this up, it must be painful already, but I was wondering if I could have permission to investigate Danny’s body.”
“Investigate,” Rachel stares into Steve’s eyes for real this time, “And what exactly do you plan on finding from your investigation?”
“I. I need to collect some samples, I have this theory.”
“No, you must be looking for something else.” Rachel’s red eyes wet around the edges.
“I have no idea what you are talking about, this is an important investigation about the-“
“He’s dead Steve!” The whole house seems shocked at the sudden break of character. On the verge of breaking down Rachel collapses into her hands. Steve could tell that her cutting words were directed more to herself than at Steve.
“Please. It will not take more than a day, I swear! I would never bring this upon you if I did not think this was important!”
Rachel lifts up her head teary eyed. “Don’t you hide what you’re trying to do here.” Voice dark and possessive.
“What do you mean, I need to collect some samples of-“
“Stop.”
“I-“
“You think I’m a fool don’t you?”
“Of course not.” Steve answers quickly
“Yes you do. You should know that I can recognize the telltale signs, better than anyone else, of one in love with Daniel. You are looking for answers.”
Steve tries to say something in retaliation but words hit the back of his throat in a jumbled mess and all he can mutter is an, “But you. You didn’t.”
“Oh yes, I did. It was cruel really.” Her eyes piercing through her collecting tears, “Oh yes I loved him. I married him, took his name. I bore his child. I fell so deeply in love with the man Daniel Williams. You could say I loved him too much.”
“He loved you too.” Steve gritted, furious at Rachel’s inconsistent alibi, if she loved him why would ever break Danny’s heart?
“Yes. Yes he did. He loved me so dearly, and when Grace came into the world his heart opened ever further, but he did not love me.
He could never fully reciprocate my love for him; he was supporting, loving, kind and gentle, yes, but it wasn't the same. I tried for so very hard to ignore all the signs, his longing stares, I- I just reached a point where I knew that he could never love me, a woman, in the same way I loved him.” Rachel’s eyes glittered with tears.
“Wait-“
“Oh PLEASE Steven! For God sakes! You KNOW IT deep down!” Rachel shouted, her whole body shook losing all composure, shimmering tears falling off her face, “Don’t be as foolish as I was!”
“I. I don’t know what to say.”
“You can tell him yourself.” Rachel grabbed her purse and began rummaging through it, wiping her tears away to try and regain her composure, “I will call the funeral home and tell them that you may visit and examine his body.”
“Thank you Rachel. I am so sorry that I ever thought the worse of you.” Steve apologized sincerely.
“It's nothing, and I forgive you. Y-you are actually quite fortunate in coming today. You see we were going to have a wake for his funeral but we decided to have his remains cremated be-because of the state they found hi-” Rachel cut off into a fit of sobs. Steve knew all too well the nightmares Rachel was experiencing.
“Rachel, maybe I should come back another time.” Steve fretted.
“No- No. I won’t allow it. You need this; I will neither deny nor delay you this closure Steve.” She shook her head regaining focus, “Where did I put my phone? Bloody hell! It was surely in here. Damn it all, Gracie probably nicked again when I answered the door.”
Just then the house phone rang, “Bloody- That’s probably the funeral house, they must have been calling the cellular for the last half hour!” Her pager gave a sharp buzz, “The florist, damn it all!”
Rachel was trying her best to stay intact, but being jerked in three different directions was too much for her fragile state and she collapsed again into her hands, exhausted.
“If you don’t mind, I can go get your phone from Grace,” Steve offers.
“Oh would you? It would help her so much if you were to go see her.” Rachel smiled,
“Thank you Steve. All right I’m coming!” She stood up walking to the blaring phone. “She is upstairs, the last door on the left. ‘Yes this is Rachel, I am sorry, yes. Yes.’”
Leaving the sitting room, Steve walks back into the expansive foyer with its toweringly high ceiling. The whole house was quiet, empty, and unfeeling. He climbs the stairs as quietly as he can, refusing to break the mournful silence clinging to the house.
He reached the top of the stairs and his ears prick up at a familiar voice, his mind going a mile a minute trying to reason its way out of a wild rouge hope. He moved further down the hall and confirmed that he was indeed hearing the Danny’s deep scruffy voice, he was alive!
“God damnit Steve!”
Steve’s heart gives a leap at the mention of his name,
“Just drive like a normal person! Jesus! Shit it’s been recording! Ahem-This is Detective Danny Williams,”
Steve cracks Grace’s door open a smidgen as Danny’s voice continues, “Sorry I’m not here right now, please leave a message at the beep- EYES ON THE ROAD YOU FUC-*beep*” Steve’s heart crashes harder and twice as deep into his gut remembering that exact day Danny recorded his voice mail message.
“Danno. Please pick up! It’s me, monkey!” Grace’s innocent voice fills the hallway like a chiming bell, “Please pick up!”
Steve’s heart wrenches at Grace’s innocence; Her child’s mind unable to understand the gravity of Danny’s death.
“Mommy is c-crying Danno,
Please. If you found out that I hit T-tommy Sanders first, I promise I'm sorry! I promise to be good! I will listen to whatever you say- I’ll go to sleep early! No candy, nothing! Please Danno, just come home!
……It’s not fair when I’m the only one who says 'I love you' without you saying it back. Please. Please c-come back h-home.” Grace starts to cry, “Please. Please be safe, come back home soon. I love you, Danno.” The voicemail beeps and the operator’s voice prompts further options.
Steve plasters the best fake smile he can onto his face and presses through the door, “Grace?”
“DANNO!?!” Grace screams turning to the door.
“No, I’m sorry it’s only m- oof!”
“STEVE!” Grace slams into Steve’s waist gripping it with all her might.
“Hello Grace.”
“Steve! You have to help! Danno is m-missing! He still ha-hasn’t answered!” Grace looks up with her wide wet eyes up at Steve pointing to the list of phone calls she'd made to Danny’s cell, “Please. Please find him. He must be in trouble!”
“I-“
“Say you’ll find him. PROMISE!” She shoved her head back into Steve’s waist.
Steve’s mind rests in silence for a long minute, “Okay Grace, I promise.”
“Thank you Steve.” Grace sobbed, “You can find him, I know it. He said you are the bravest, most per-spi-ca-cious person he has ever met, and I believe him!” Steve smiles down at Grace struggling through the vocabulary word light-years above her grade which Danny obviously filled her mind with.
“Now Grace, sweetie-” Steve grimaces when Danny's pet name for his daughter slips his lips and takes a conversational step backwards.
A short tug on his shirt brings him back from that dark hollow in his mind. “It’s okay Steve, as long as it’s not Monkey. Only Danno can say that.”
Steve looked down amazed at Grace’s sharp perception and wondered if she would follow her father’s steps and become a detective. “Thank you Grace.” and gives a goofy grin.
Grace giggles, “Danno was right, you are a softie deep down inside,” She stabs a small finger on his taught abdomen, "Did'jya want something?"
“Oh, do you think I can take your mommy’s phone back to her?” Grace nods and slips the proportionally large smart-phone her own father wouldn’t be able to understand into Steve’s hand. “Thanks swee-“ And Steve unconsciously stops himself again.
“I told you, you can say it” Grace grins.
“Thanks sweetie.” Steve’s nervous smile broadens. He gives a hard squeeze around Grace and turns to the door. He feels Grace grab his hand and she pleads, “No, I want to come. Don’t go alone!”
Steve looks over his shoulder and sees his partner’s daughter cling to his hand for dear life. “Is there something I can do for you Gracie? Is something wrong? I can stay right here for you-“
“Not for me, for you.”
“For me?” Steve bends back down to her level.
“Your eyes.” Steve feels Grace’s small hands trace the sides of Steve's face, “When you smile, your eyes are still so sad, just like Danno's, lonely.” Taken a back, Steve amends his thought about her becoming a detective and agreed that in the future she would definitely surpass her own father’s deductive skills.
“Aw Gracie,” Steve scoops her up into a hug. “It’s ok I’m just going to return your mom’s phone-“
“With me!” Grace pushes Steve back gives him a serious gaze bringing back fierce memories of Danny giving him a similar soul stabbing stare.
“Yes.” Steve chuckles, “With you.” And closed his large palm around Grace’s tiny hand and walked down the hallway.
A promise now etched in his heart, he squeezes Grace’s hand and feels a hard squeeze back. Grace won him over; he adopted her childish refusal to accept Danny’s death. He would keep Danny alive for both of them, refusing all evidence contrary. Grace has given him the strength to face Danny’s corpse tomorrow with a burning courage, to find all that he could and right the wrongs.
=
The next day Steve paces manically back and forth in his office, biting each slow passing minute. He had an appointment with the funeral home right after work and he was burning a track onto his office’s wood floor in anticipation. He threw frantic looks through the glass over at Danny’s empty desk and bit back a hard grimace that his partner wasn’t there anymore and returns to his manic rounds along his room.
Chin knocks on his door, “He boss, something wrong? We’re done with all the paper work and the island seems like its planning to stay quiet. Kono got so bored she actually counted your steps and calculated that you’ve paced over into the kilometers in here.”
Steve gives a worried look over at Kono mouthing numbers silently at her desk, made eye contact shocked, and buries her head into her paper work.
“Kilometers?” Steve plops into his rolley-chair and sighs, “I’m going to the funeral house to visit-“ Steve stops himself, should he tell Chin? Should he tell anyone other than Grace what insanity he is up to?
“So you did get Rachel to sign off on it. They wouldn’t let Kono or me near his body.” Chin’s eyes narrowed, “You noticed something wrong too.”
Steve sat back straight and looked at Chin dead in the eyes, “Noticed something wrong.”
“C’mon boss, his whole body was charred black, bones brittle, and yet he still has hair to be DNA tested? His dental identification came in literally seconds after he got in the morgue. Put it together boss, you need to have a clear mind for this.”
“It did come in a little too fast.” More and more possibilities dawn in Steve’s mind, “The alcohol,”
“That was my first clue. We both know Danny would never drive drunk.”
“No. He would just… crash at my place,” Steve recalls, “I’m going early.”
“We’ll close for you.”
“Thanks.”
He rushes past Kono’s desk, her head rapidly following Steve’s footsteps dotting up and down with each foot fall and silently continues counting,
“Oh will you quit it?!” Steve screams from the door.
“Just won twenty bucks thank you very much, TWO KILOMETERS CUZ!” Kono smiled triumphantly, “Tell us EVERYTHING you find, AND DON’T COME BACK TILL YOU DO!” shouting back at Steve.
Part B: dedleg.livejournal.com/3995.html