'ello everyone!
long time, no post, i know. :[
so i discovered an awesome community on here, called unsentletters that has gotten me back to getting out my anger through unsent letters. i decided i should post them here, as well as in the comm, so you guys can read them, and maybe give me some advice on the situation. i only ask that if you know/want to know who it is, say no names, and message me if you must use/want to know names. so here's one that I posted on the comm and wanted to share with you all:
Dear S,
I honestly don't understand what the fuck your problem is. You say that you hate me, and you are constantly talking shit about me. But you don't have a real reason to hate me. When my best friend, who still talks to you even though he hates you, asked you why exactly you hate me, your reply was "because she is fat and disgusting." HAHA, who's calling the kettle black? You look like you are over 300 pounds and have the biggest man boobs I have ever seen in my life. You dress nasty and your hair always looks greasy. And I just find it hilarious that you think that these qualities in yourself make you "hot." I am aware that I am fat, but not as nearly as bad as you. And I dress the way I do and do my makeup the way I do and things of that nature, which you find "disgusting," because I like it that way, and I think it looks good on me. If you don't like it, you don't have to look.
Oh, and since you've never actually met my boyfriend, and have only seen me walk with him in the hallways before 6th period, you shouldn't talk shit about him either. You call him fat. Again, take a look in the mirror. But only take a quick one, cause you might break it. And I'm not stupid. I know you were the one shouting shit at him when he was walking to work the other week with your other asshole friends. I'm not stupid. Just fucking stop, okay? Cause you have no reason to hate him, either.
I stole my best friend away from you for a reason; he NEEDS to be away from you. You're a bad influence. You want me to stop talking shit about you? YOU STARTED IT. SO YOU NEED TO STOP FIRST. I know that you have no life other than flirting with girls who aren't in your league and you will never be with and making fun of other people for satisfaction for yourself, but IT NEEDS TO STOP. IT'S FUCKING RUDE. That is all.
Yours Never,
Deirdre
PS: I kinda hope you see this, so you can finally see my true feelings about you.
in other news, the musical is starting up soon... it's honestly a big tease for me to be trying out when i can't even be in it... for those of you who dont know, i have to do a singing audition for voice class this year. :\ which i should probably practice for... well yeah. so anyway, even though i really have grown to love publicity, especially since this time around i'll know what i am doing, i kinda wish someone else was publicist and I had a chance to shine on that stage one last time. i never really got the chance to show off my true capabilities on the newfield stage. there was always someone better than me. my biggest downfall, i think, is the fact that my dancing lacks. i havent danced in a while, but i think it has gotten better since taking that dance class last year [aka one of the BEST classes i have ever taken in my life <33] has improved that lack that i have. and if i had the chance to do a real audition, i most definetly would go for it. i just want to shine on stage one more time... my experience with being darbus @ MCPL was one of the best things i ever did. you could tell i worked my ass off to do that charater justice, and i was able to show what i was really made of. i just hope that, since my lack of confidence in myself last year resulting in my choice in doing backstage publicity stuff instead, when i get to college, someone will see the talent i have. it's not even just the dramas and stuff where i want to show what im made of... it's in the choirs i am in too. given, i didnt try out for any solos in women's choir. that was a personal choice. i choose which solos i feel i could do well and which ones i won't do so well. the ones i choose i work my ASS off for. and so far, i dont seem to get recognition for that, either. hopefully, the next one i am going for, and the last chance at one for the winter concert, i may get my long overdue chance.
speaking of choirs i am in, i am really hating being in advanced right now. im a senior, shouldn't i be in a place where the people CARE about the stuff they are doing? ahem, no. everyone doesnt shut up. most sections can't even sing correct notes when they are played out to them. i feel like very few of these people actually want to be there for the singing and for the satisfaction of having good concerts. i didnt feel like it, especially the way the concert sounded thursday night, and how they talked every 30 seconds before we went on in the lobby.... me and kanako were both really embarrassed by the behavoir of the chorus. i sometimes think about quitting chorus for that reason. because most people dont even care. but then i know i would miss the songs, and practicing them at home, and me and kanako drawing on my music when we're not learning stuff and dancing during warmups. so im left to deal with the people who dont care and know inside that there are SOME people in the chorus who care and who try...
i wish i didnt take college english. and it's all because of this stupid research paper. i cannot do it. it's impossible for me. I've tried going about writing a thesis for it numerous amounts of times since it was due [which was like over 2 weeks or so ago... i handed in nothing.] and i can't come up with anything good. and im not looking foward to the fact that it is 12 pages long... i dont feel like i can write that much. and what people are going to tell me is that i will be writing more when i get into college. ahem, not the college im going to. i plan to go to suffolk. my sister is there already, and she doesnt even get page requirements for her assignments. im just worried about my grade, cause this reasearch assignment is gonna suck ass...
i think that i am in love. for real this time. i can't see myself without this boy in my entire lifetime. i was thinking about my past relationships, and i think i have been in love only twice in my lifetime. i was ignorant with max when i said i was in love with him... both times that i liked him. it wasnt even love, i doont think. just ignorance and lust. which seems really weird but whatever. hakan, i knew it wasnt me being in love when i was in the relationship. i dont even know what it was, to be honest. but yeah... next was jeff... now i really do think i was in love with him at the time, being that i couldnt get over him for months after i broke up with him for cheating on me... but it would have never worked cause he wasnt in love with me. and we both know where we stand now [except i dont think he ever knew i was in love with him... but he's got a livejournal now, so i guess he knows now! HI JEFF! XD] and we're just the best of friends now with a funny story to tell our future families, which will be seperate. hahaha. next after that is matt... now i did love him. but i wasnt in love with him... we're good friends now. which im happy with, and i wouldnt want it any other way. now i am with charlie. i have liked this kid on and off since 10th grade, i believe, and i have known him since, like, kindergarten. he's like me on and off since 7th grade [which i only found out a month or so after we started dating] and we finally just decided to try it in the begining of this year. we have so much in common and we love eachother for who we are... i seriously believe i want to marry this kid. and i know you all are gonna say that it's too early to decide on that blah blah blah... but to be honest... i dont care. i am head over heels in love with charlie and that's that.
so yeah, i think i am finished with my ramblings. comment as you please! :D
<3 DeegeMonster