Proposing, ver. 1; C/F drabble; Proposing ver. 2 (PG/PG-13)
Posted to house_wilson and house_slash
Title: Proposing, version 1
Author: Dee Laundry
Pairing: House/Wilson
Rating: PG
Words: 851
Summary: Guess. (Dialogue only.)
Note: By request of conunduh and mikhyel.
Dr. House, I really appreciate all that your team has done for me.
Sure. Where is the discharge nurse?
It’s been just a great experience. I especially enjoyed talking to that young girl doctor.
Cameron? She’s a barrel of laughs. Why is there never a nurse around when you need one?
When we talked about you, though, I got the sense that you were not as fulfilled in your personal life as you should be.
Well, here we are in the lobby. Never found the nurse, but that’s alright. You should be good to go from here.
Do you go to church every Sunday? It’s crucial for your spiritual health to be right with the Lord. And Miss Cameron said you’re not married. Marriage is important for a man, especially one of your age. You should be getting settled down.
Is that so? Hey, Wilson!
What?
My ex-patient here thinks it’s time for you and me to get married.
Why not? My mother's going to want to plan the wedding, you know.
No chicken dance, no throwing the bouquet. I don't mind the garter thing, though. You know what, I should just plan the reception; your mom can plan the ceremony.
Sounds good. I'll take care of the honeymoon.
Fun! *to the patient* Well, now that that's settled, you can take off.
Marriage is between a man and a woman! You can't marry another man!
Forgot about that. Wilson!
I’m working over here.
We can't do a wedding. Laws of the state and so forth.
That's too bad.
We could move to Massachusetts.
Nah, I'd have to pack; that's a pain.
We could have one of those, what do you call it, commitment ceremony things instead.
Gotta go; I have a meeting.
Don't leave me hanging!
Fine.
*to the patient* There we go; everyone’s happy. Off with you now.
That’s an abomination. When a man lies with another man, they both shall be put to death.
Oh, Leviticus. The most fun book in the Bible. Did you read the part about how wearing a garment of mixed cloths is against God’s law? No? Go brush up then, because your shirt, in addition to being a horrible color and cut, gives off that nasty sheen because it’s a cotton-rayon blend. Unnatural AND sinful. Off you go, bye-bye.
***
Wilson! Hold the elevator.
Sure. So, are you calling your parents, or do you want me to?
Excuse me?
Seeing as how we’re having a ceremony, I thought you’d want to call your parents. Or, your father’s kind of an old-fashioned, by-the-book guy. Maybe I should call and ask for your hand.
To be really old-fashioned, Wilson, you need to do it in person. That’d give Mom and me some time to make sure my hope chest is fully stocked.
I’m expecting a good size dowry for taking you off their hands.
How about we refund you all the money you’ve loaned me over the years?
Throw in payback for every meal I’ve bought you, and you’ve got a deal.
Deal.
Are we still kidding around? I’ve lost track.
We should do it just to spite that bitch patient. Interesting disease but one hell of a boring personality.
Spite’s a good reason to commit your life to another person.
Wasn’t spite why you married your second wife?
Not spite, jealousy. Totally different. Wife #1 was loneliness, and Wife #3 was… I forget.
Anyway, you already said yes, so you can’t welsh on me now.
Good, now I can mark off Welsh on my House Bigotry Bingo card. Foreman will be jealous; he’s way behind.
I’ll rephrase. Don’t be an Indian giver.
Even worse.
Do something skinflinty so I can call you a Jew.
Oh, look. I made a roving kite pattern on my Bingo card. That pays out triple.
Now you’ll have money to take me to lunch.
I actually do have a meeting.
Come find me afterwards; you can tell me where you’re going to take me on our honeymoon.
Once again, I lost track. Are we kidding about this or serious?
Can’t it be both?
Not really.
This your meeting room?
Yes.
Step in, and all will be made clear. Attention…
New oncology residents.
Attention new oncology residents! Anybody here homophobic?
House.
No? Good. You’ve met the Department Head for Oncology, Dr. James Wilson, right? Because he’s a wuss, he’s probably invited you all to ask him questions, told you he has an open door policy.
House.
Well, I have to break it to you that this will not be entirely the case. Seeing as how Dr. Wilson and I just got engaged, and my office is made entirely out of glass, I’m thinking there will be times when his door will definitely be shut.
House.
Do not even knock when the door is closed, because my wrath is terrible to behold.
Thank you, Dr. House, for that, um, interesting icebreaker. The first item actually on the agenda for this meeting is-
Deadly serious, baby.
Thank you again, Dr. House. We’ll discuss this later.
Where do you think we should register for gifts?
Unrelated drabble (100 words exactly), Chase/Foreman, like a sorbet to cleanse the palate:
Our favorite bar, new bartender. “What kind of Johnnie Walker, boys?”
“Black,” Chase replied, “like Foreman’s ass.”
“Red,” I replied, “like Chase’s neck.”
Chase turned to me and cocked his head inquisitively. “My neck's not red; it's kind of a pinkish color.”
I couldn’t tell if he was screwing with me or truly didn’t know the phrase, so I made the easiest reply: I scowled. “Drink your damn whiskey.”
When his hand slid down to cup my ass, I put my hand out and grasped his neck. We shared a smile and the taste of two kinds of Johnnie Walker.
Title: Proposing, version 2
Author: Dee Laundry
Pairing: House/Wilson
Rating: PG-13 for talking during sex
Words: 781
Summary: Proposing scenario in which there is sex and House actually gets serious for a moment. (Dialogue only. Prequel to “ The Registry.” Select words stolen shamelessly from shoedog and inlaterdays)
Note: By request of conunduh and mikhyel.
Wilson, would you get on with it? I’m getting tired here.
Impatience. So sexy.
Come for me, lover. Shoot your milky load in my mangina. That more along the lines of what you want?
Christ, could we have sex one time without me having to tell you to shut up?
One time, in fact the very first time we had sex, it didn’t last long enough for you to tell me anything. I guess you’re making up for it now. Seriously, can you finish?
Shut-uhh.
That’s my boy. Give me a kiss.
Mmm, now I’m tired.
Obviously. Don’t fall asleep on me yet. I’ve been thinking.
Obviously. Move over a bit.
I’ve been thinking about you and your ex-wives.
Me and all three of them at once? Interesting picture, but if gets you in the mood, hey, go for it.
Not that. I’ve been thinking about how you’ve been really bad at marriage. Horrible at it.
I’m not listening to this tonight. I’m going to take a shower.
Wait. Come back here. You missed the ‘but.’
That’s not what you were indicating earlier.
Lame joke, not worthy of you. I meant the ‘but’ in my sentence. You’ve been horrible at marriage, but you’re doing very well at this.
Sex? Thank you.
That too, but that’s not what I mean. This, you and me, this relationship. You’re good at it. Why are your eyes narrowed? What is that face you’re making?
You don’t give compliments. What’s happening?
I compliment your cooking.
When?
I eat it, don’t I?
You eat re-nuked leftover Chef Boyardee ravioli, and popcorn that’s two days old. So I don’t buy eating my cooking as a compliment.
Picky.
Realistic. What’s happening? What are you up to?
I think we should get married.
We can’t.
Why not? Yer pa got somethin’ agin’ us getting hitched? I can provide for you real good, Betty Lou.
Yeah. We’re both men, remember? And we live in New Jersey, not Canada or Massachusetts.
Too cold, brrr. Fine. We can do one of those gay pseudo-wedding things.
Pseudo-wedding?
What do you call them? Oh, damn, I really have to start studying my alternative lifestyle handbook.
Your lifestyle has always been alternative.
But not gay alternative. What do you people call that almost-wedding thingy?
My people. Well, it depends on the denomination. Orthodox and Conservative would call it an abomination and probably throw you out of the temple. Reform I suppose might call it a commitment ceremony.
I meant you gay people, but that’s the term I was looking for. I’ll circle that in the glossary in my handbook.
Can I go to sleep now?
You never answered my question.
“It’s called a commitment ceremony.” That was the answer to your question.
The other question.
You didn’t ask another question. Good night.
Christ, if I’d known you’d wanted a ring and flowers, I would’ve taken your AmEx and bought them.
What are you talking about?
James Evan Wilson, will you, um, commit me?
In the morning, I’ll drive you to Bellevue personally.
Har de har har. Ball’s in your court.
Why are you doing this?
Answering a question with a question. You’re on your way to Jewish motherhood.
Shut it, and answer my question. Why?
What does it matter? Hey, I could be a Jewish mom too.
Give me a serious answer, or I’m going to sleep. On the couch.
You hate the couch. Don’t give me that look. Okay. Here it is, listen up, because you’ll probably never hear it again. I have loved you since about a month after we met, when you made it perfectly clear that you could handle with aplomb whatever shit I cared to deal out. I’ve been in love with you since I don’t even know when, and you can squeeze my heart with a two-second glance. Every single day, you do something that makes me happy, whether I show it or not. I’m asking you to do this ceremony because I want to publicly make my claim on you, stamp you permanently as mine, because the thought of being without you is a pain I’m not willing to face.
Oh.
Think wisely about your next words. I have a cane, and I know how to use it.
Yeah, okay, let’s get hitched. I assume you’ll ask Cuddy to be your best man. Think she’ll wear a tux?
And hide those luscious fun bags? I hope not.
Turn off the light. We’ll talk about it more tomorrow.
Them.
What?
Cuddy’s got two fun bags, so we’ll talk about them more tomorrow.
Them, yep.
You’re going to make a lovely bride.
And you really should be committed. Good night.
Title: Proposing, version 1
Author: Dee Laundry
Pairing: House/Wilson
Rating: PG
Words: 851
Summary: Guess. (Dialogue only.)
Note: By request of conunduh and mikhyel.
Dr. House, I really appreciate all that your team has done for me.
Sure. Where is the discharge nurse?
It’s been just a great experience. I especially enjoyed talking to that young girl doctor.
Cameron? She’s a barrel of laughs. Why is there never a nurse around when you need one?
When we talked about you, though, I got the sense that you were not as fulfilled in your personal life as you should be.
Well, here we are in the lobby. Never found the nurse, but that’s alright. You should be good to go from here.
Do you go to church every Sunday? It’s crucial for your spiritual health to be right with the Lord. And Miss Cameron said you’re not married. Marriage is important for a man, especially one of your age. You should be getting settled down.
Is that so? Hey, Wilson!
What?
My ex-patient here thinks it’s time for you and me to get married.
Why not? My mother's going to want to plan the wedding, you know.
No chicken dance, no throwing the bouquet. I don't mind the garter thing, though. You know what, I should just plan the reception; your mom can plan the ceremony.
Sounds good. I'll take care of the honeymoon.
Fun! *to the patient* Well, now that that's settled, you can take off.
Marriage is between a man and a woman! You can't marry another man!
Forgot about that. Wilson!
I’m working over here.
We can't do a wedding. Laws of the state and so forth.
That's too bad.
We could move to Massachusetts.
Nah, I'd have to pack; that's a pain.
We could have one of those, what do you call it, commitment ceremony things instead.
Gotta go; I have a meeting.
Don't leave me hanging!
Fine.
*to the patient* There we go; everyone’s happy. Off with you now.
That’s an abomination. When a man lies with another man, they both shall be put to death.
Oh, Leviticus. The most fun book in the Bible. Did you read the part about how wearing a garment of mixed cloths is against God’s law? No? Go brush up then, because your shirt, in addition to being a horrible color and cut, gives off that nasty sheen because it’s a cotton-rayon blend. Unnatural AND sinful. Off you go, bye-bye.
***
Wilson! Hold the elevator.
Sure. So, are you calling your parents, or do you want me to?
Excuse me?
Seeing as how we’re having a ceremony, I thought you’d want to call your parents. Or, your father’s kind of an old-fashioned, by-the-book guy. Maybe I should call and ask for your hand.
To be really old-fashioned, Wilson, you need to do it in person. That’d give Mom and me some time to make sure my hope chest is fully stocked.
I’m expecting a good size dowry for taking you off their hands.
How about we refund you all the money you’ve loaned me over the years?
Throw in payback for every meal I’ve bought you, and you’ve got a deal.
Deal.
Are we still kidding around? I’ve lost track.
We should do it just to spite that bitch patient. Interesting disease but one hell of a boring personality.
Spite’s a good reason to commit your life to another person.
Wasn’t spite why you married your second wife?
Not spite, jealousy. Totally different. Wife #1 was loneliness, and Wife #3 was… I forget.
Anyway, you already said yes, so you can’t welsh on me now.
Good, now I can mark off Welsh on my House Bigotry Bingo card. Foreman will be jealous; he’s way behind.
I’ll rephrase. Don’t be an Indian giver.
Even worse.
Do something skinflinty so I can call you a Jew.
Oh, look. I made a roving kite pattern on my Bingo card. That pays out triple.
Now you’ll have money to take me to lunch.
I actually do have a meeting.
Come find me afterwards; you can tell me where you’re going to take me on our honeymoon.
Once again, I lost track. Are we kidding about this or serious?
Can’t it be both?
Not really.
This your meeting room?
Yes.
Step in, and all will be made clear. Attention…
New oncology residents.
Attention new oncology residents! Anybody here homophobic?
House.
No? Good. You’ve met the Department Head for Oncology, Dr. James Wilson, right? Because he’s a wuss, he’s probably invited you all to ask him questions, told you he has an open door policy.
House.
Well, I have to break it to you that this will not be entirely the case. Seeing as how Dr. Wilson and I just got engaged, and my office is made entirely out of glass, I’m thinking there will be times when his door will definitely be shut.
House.
Do not even knock when the door is closed, because my wrath is terrible to behold.
Thank you, Dr. House, for that, um, interesting icebreaker. The first item actually on the agenda for this meeting is-
Deadly serious, baby.
Thank you again, Dr. House. We’ll discuss this later.
Where do you think we should register for gifts?
Unrelated drabble (100 words exactly), Chase/Foreman, like a sorbet to cleanse the palate:
Our favorite bar, new bartender. “What kind of Johnnie Walker, boys?”
“Black,” Chase replied, “like Foreman’s ass.”
“Red,” I replied, “like Chase’s neck.”
Chase turned to me and cocked his head inquisitively. “My neck's not red; it's kind of a pinkish color.”
I couldn’t tell if he was screwing with me or truly didn’t know the phrase, so I made the easiest reply: I scowled. “Drink your damn whiskey.”
When his hand slid down to cup my ass, I put my hand out and grasped his neck. We shared a smile and the taste of two kinds of Johnnie Walker.
Title: Proposing, version 2
Author: Dee Laundry
Pairing: House/Wilson
Rating: PG-13 for talking during sex
Words: 781
Summary: Proposing scenario in which there is sex and House actually gets serious for a moment. (Dialogue only. Prequel to “ The Registry.” Select words stolen shamelessly from shoedog and inlaterdays)
Note: By request of conunduh and mikhyel.
Wilson, would you get on with it? I’m getting tired here.
Impatience. So sexy.
Come for me, lover. Shoot your milky load in my mangina. That more along the lines of what you want?
Christ, could we have sex one time without me having to tell you to shut up?
One time, in fact the very first time we had sex, it didn’t last long enough for you to tell me anything. I guess you’re making up for it now. Seriously, can you finish?
Shut-uhh.
That’s my boy. Give me a kiss.
Mmm, now I’m tired.
Obviously. Don’t fall asleep on me yet. I’ve been thinking.
Obviously. Move over a bit.
I’ve been thinking about you and your ex-wives.
Me and all three of them at once? Interesting picture, but if gets you in the mood, hey, go for it.
Not that. I’ve been thinking about how you’ve been really bad at marriage. Horrible at it.
I’m not listening to this tonight. I’m going to take a shower.
Wait. Come back here. You missed the ‘but.’
That’s not what you were indicating earlier.
Lame joke, not worthy of you. I meant the ‘but’ in my sentence. You’ve been horrible at marriage, but you’re doing very well at this.
Sex? Thank you.
That too, but that’s not what I mean. This, you and me, this relationship. You’re good at it. Why are your eyes narrowed? What is that face you’re making?
You don’t give compliments. What’s happening?
I compliment your cooking.
When?
I eat it, don’t I?
You eat re-nuked leftover Chef Boyardee ravioli, and popcorn that’s two days old. So I don’t buy eating my cooking as a compliment.
Picky.
Realistic. What’s happening? What are you up to?
I think we should get married.
We can’t.
Why not? Yer pa got somethin’ agin’ us getting hitched? I can provide for you real good, Betty Lou.
Yeah. We’re both men, remember? And we live in New Jersey, not Canada or Massachusetts.
Too cold, brrr. Fine. We can do one of those gay pseudo-wedding things.
Pseudo-wedding?
What do you call them? Oh, damn, I really have to start studying my alternative lifestyle handbook.
Your lifestyle has always been alternative.
But not gay alternative. What do you people call that almost-wedding thingy?
My people. Well, it depends on the denomination. Orthodox and Conservative would call it an abomination and probably throw you out of the temple. Reform I suppose might call it a commitment ceremony.
I meant you gay people, but that’s the term I was looking for. I’ll circle that in the glossary in my handbook.
Can I go to sleep now?
You never answered my question.
“It’s called a commitment ceremony.” That was the answer to your question.
The other question.
You didn’t ask another question. Good night.
Christ, if I’d known you’d wanted a ring and flowers, I would’ve taken your AmEx and bought them.
What are you talking about?
James Evan Wilson, will you, um, commit me?
In the morning, I’ll drive you to Bellevue personally.
Har de har har. Ball’s in your court.
Why are you doing this?
Answering a question with a question. You’re on your way to Jewish motherhood.
Shut it, and answer my question. Why?
What does it matter? Hey, I could be a Jewish mom too.
Give me a serious answer, or I’m going to sleep. On the couch.
You hate the couch. Don’t give me that look. Okay. Here it is, listen up, because you’ll probably never hear it again. I have loved you since about a month after we met, when you made it perfectly clear that you could handle with aplomb whatever shit I cared to deal out. I’ve been in love with you since I don’t even know when, and you can squeeze my heart with a two-second glance. Every single day, you do something that makes me happy, whether I show it or not. I’m asking you to do this ceremony because I want to publicly make my claim on you, stamp you permanently as mine, because the thought of being without you is a pain I’m not willing to face.
Oh.
Think wisely about your next words. I have a cane, and I know how to use it.
Yeah, okay, let’s get hitched. I assume you’ll ask Cuddy to be your best man. Think she’ll wear a tux?
And hide those luscious fun bags? I hope not.
Turn off the light. We’ll talk about it more tomorrow.
Them.
What?
Cuddy’s got two fun bags, so we’ll talk about them more tomorrow.
Them, yep.
You’re going to make a lovely bride.
And you really should be committed. Good night.