of jealousy and cuddle buddies

[harujongin]

pairing: kai/sehun
rating: pg
word count: 4,029 words
genre: fluff, romance
warnings: fluffy fluff. like super extreme fluffy fluff that is borderline gross.
author's notes: written for this prompt. bc i'm craving for fluffy and cuddly sekai. after this, no more other stories until i finish my one big sekai project. at least i try to concentrate on what i'm supposed to be writing.



There is a thing Jongin is too embarrassed to admit and that is his jealousy. While jealousy is a perfectly normal human sentiment, he is fully aware of his horrible abnormality because he is not jealous of a person, but jealous of a teddy bear. A plush toy. An object. He tries to make himself feel less miserable about it, because the real reason is a human, a certain tall and skinny boy, with milky skin and crinkled eyes when he smiles. Not to mention the cute, small mouth with pretty, thin, pink lips that would fit so well with his. And while Jongin believes that a human’s hug and a human’s warmth is a better way to cheer people up, Sehun thinks that Pinku Pinku as he calls the brown plush bear in a horrible pink attire gives the best comfort. So whenever Sehun is sad, he doesn’t wait for any of his bandmates to console him. He doesn’t even consider that his bandmates might want to see him happy and would love to make him smile again. No. He runs to his room and pulls out his teddy, cuddling it aggressively, while his whispers slowly turn into giggles and quiet laughter.

If one thinks that Sehun, now passing his 20th birthday, has matured enough to abandon childhood toys, then one is wrong. Sehun still pours lots of affection to his plushie and Jongin can’t stop wishing that he was Pinku Pinku instead. Why wasn’t he born into this world as a cute plush toy? Despite his hatress towards everything pink, Jongin wouldn’t mind wearing a pink onepiece if Sehun paid him more attention then.

Today seems a little different, because Sehun is talking to Jongin instead of hiding somewhere with his plushie. They are sitting in the van, on their way back to the dorms, and Sehun is searching for some comfort. No matter how much EXO love their fans, there are limits where one should halt. And today it just happened that Sehun was the main victim of fangirls’ assaults. A present hit him in the face, just like Yixing a few days ago, but Sehun’s skin bruises so easily he got a cut. It was not worrisome deep, but enough to make everyone fuss because how dare a fangirl hurt Sehun? What if there will be a scar? Everyday, waking up and looking at himself in the mirror, Sehun would be reminded by the way people that said they loved him had hurt him instead. With a mind so frail like Sehun’s, would he be able to dispel dark thoughts that inevitably followed?

“I don’t understand why they did that,” Sehun mumbles, head resting against Jongin’s shoulder. The tanned dancer has an arm around the other’s waist, a hand stroking Sehun’s hair. He is dreaming a little and in his imagination, Sehun is his boyfriend, sad and in dire need of some comfort, and Jongin is the perfect significant other, listening to Sehun’s trouble while caressing him, assuring him that everything will be fine. Sadly, it’s not real. It’s only his blooming fantasy, because Sehun would never accept this. They are best friends and not in a romantic relationship. To Sehun’s innocent mind, Jongin is probably more like a brother. Which is okay, as long as Sehun doesn’t shy away and wants to cuddle with him, too.

Jongin enjoys their moment together, as everyone else is either asleep or ignoring the maknaes in the backseats. It gives him the privacy he needs and it takes away the fear of being judged. Sure, it was okay to hold hands and to do skinship in their culture, but there were still boundaries. Like Jongin’s lips pressing a soft kiss on top of Sehun’s head like he is doing now is surely not normal between male friends. Jongin half expects Sehun to flinch, to shy away and ask for an explanation. Instead, he just hears Sehun’s calm and rhythmic breaths. Sehun has fallen asleep.

When the vehicle stops, Jongin shakes Sehun awake with much reluctance. Sehun gives him a small smile, stretching his limbs, mouth wide open in a yawn. It’s an endearing sight Jongin saves into his memory. Unfortunately, he was not fast enough to pull out his phone and take a snapshot. He would surely have used it as kakaotalk background for his chatroom with Sehun which, by the way, should be used more often. Sehun is a lousy replier, too lazy to use his phone and type. The thought that he might be annoying with his constant texting doesn’t even graze Jongin’s mind.

“Finally back,” Sehun says and climbs out of the car, Jongin following close. Once in the safety of their own four walls, Sehun makes a beeline for his room. When Jongin peeks inside, he can see Sehun cuddling with Pinku Pinku. Of course. What did he expect? Number one destination for Sehun when feeling troubled? Definitely not Jongin’s arms, only when Pinku Pinku was not within reach. And that is the moment he decides that it was enough. Pinku Pinku has to disappear, as soon as possible.

Stealing Pinku Pinku was easier than he has thought. When everyone was settled in the living room for their monthly movie night, Jongin pretended to go to the restroom. Of course he sneaked into Sehun’s bedroom instead, taking the plushie to hide it somewhere Sehun would expect it the least. He doesn’t fight down the urge to hurt Pinku Pinku and manhandles the doll a bit, hitting its head out of frustration before throwing it under his own bed. Pinku Pinku has to endure at least that for taking away all of his chances to cuddle with his crush.

Later that night, Jongin keeps Sehun busy with dance practice, saying he wants to go through the dances they have been doing together before for a few times. Luckily, Sehun doesn’t think of it as weird and they dance while the other members shower and head to bed first. Only when the last one is finished with showering de they stop, Jongin telling Sehun to shower first. The maknae obeys.

Jongin has it all planned out. Sehun would want to cuddle at night and if his cuddle buddy was absent, he would search for his plush toy frantically, before asking Jongin, the only one still awake, since he wouldn’t want to disturb any of the other hyungs and Sehun couldn’t sleep without having something to hold on to.

Jongin’s plan is fool proof, so he grins triumphantlly when the door to his room opens and Sehun whispers his name, quiet as to not wake Kyungsoo, but loud enough for Jongin to hear, who has just climbed into bed.

“Hunnie?” He whispers back and sits up, turning on the small light on his bedside table. Once he takes in Sehun’s condition, Jongin is beyond shocked. He didn’t expect to see Sehun’s teary eyes, a blanket pressed to his chest. And then he hears Sehun’s soft sniffles and- oh shit. Sehun, even when crying, is the cutest thing he had ever seen. Sehun’s eyes are a little red and puffy from his hands rubbing over them continuously, and he just looks so small and vulnerable. In an instant, Jongin has pulled Sehun into his arms, rubbing the other’s back soothingly. He may have felt bad at first, but Jongin’s instincts are programmed on cheering Sehun up, so he pushes away the guilt. He will deal with it later.

“What happened? Are you hurt somewhere?” Jongin asks, as if he didn’t know the answer already.

“P-Pinku Pinku... h-he disappeared,” Sehun hiccups and Jongin tries his best not to coo at the adorable sounds the younger one makes. Instead he shushes Sehun, pulling the now brunette - his favorite hair color on Sehun - onto his bed.

“Psst, you don’t want to wake Kyungsoo, do you?” He asks quietly and Sehun shakes his head, biting his lip to keep quiet. Jongin smiles and ruffles the maknae’s hair fondly.

“Did you look everywhere already?” he whispers, and Sehun nods.

“Where did you see him last?” Oh, pretending to be a good person and innocent isn’t as difficult as Jongin had thought. Maybe he isn’t a too bad actor and should have accepted invitations to star in their school’s plays more often.

“On my bed. I left him there before we went to practice,” Sehun replies, arms wrapped tightly around Jongin, head resting on the tanned male’s shoulder. Sehun is searching for comfort Jongin is just too eager to give.

“And he’s not there anymore?” He, Jongin thinks. An object shouldn’t have a gender or an own, personal name.

Sehun shakes his head, barely suppressing a sob that is threatening to spill.

“Maybe you didn’t search for him well enough,” Jongin suggests, but Sehun protests. “I looked everywhere. Really, hyung.”

Jongin’s lips quirk up in a smile. He loves being Sehun’s hyung, loves the way the word rolls off Sehun’s tongue. And although the other members are called hyung, too, Jongin thinks there is a different tone in which Sehun says it when he calls for Jongin.

“Well,” Jongin starts, index finger tapping his chin. “Maybe one of the hyungs wanted to play a prank on you?”

Sehun whines softly. “That’s not funny at all.”

“I know it’s not funny,” Jongin sighs. It really isn’t. Jongin would rather describe it as very handy and beneficial to him. “But we don’t want to make a fuss and wake them all when everyone needs rest, right?”

Sehun looks like he is going to start crying from anew, so Jongin presses him closer.

“Psssst, don’t cry, Hunnie. Hyung is here. You can cuddle with hyung tonight instead, okay?”

Sehun doesn’t reply and Jongin is scared Sehun might have realized that something might be off. Maybe Jongin is not a good actor. Maybe Sehun is very empathetic and can feel that all of this is a set up, just to get Sehun to forget his teddy bear for once.

“Hun?”

Sehun sniffles softly. “But I can’t sleep without Pinku Pinku.”

“I promise you will be able to sleep soundly by cuddling with me instead. At least you have something to hold on to then, right?”

The younger one doesn’t look too convinced, but he doesn’t protest when Jongin pushes him down softly against the mattress. They look at each other for a while, Jongin admiring Sehun’s handsome, yet childishly cute face. Sehun’s jaw looks sharper now, but there is still a little baby fat left, not all gone yet. Sehun looks back at him, eyes half-closed and so, so sleepy. He must be tired from crying. Jongin’s heart beats painfully hard against his ribcage at that. He has always loved puppies and kids and Sehun is no different from them when comparing their cuteness.

Turning off the light, he slips under the blanket and scoots close to Sehun, embracing the maknae. Sehun welcomes his arms and snuggles closer, face buried in Jongin’s chest. Jongin feels all kind of warm, skin tingling under the shirt where Sehun is pressed into him.

When a second later his shirt dampens and Jongin hears the choked and nearly muffled sobs, his heart is breaking. He half wishes he didn’t hide Sehun’s toy, but at the same time he doesn’t want to give up this moment. Sehun wouldn’t be with him now if he hadn’t committed this small crime, and if he confessed now, Sehun would only be upset and leave him immediately. Sehun would probably refuse to talk to him for a week, like he once ignored Zitao for eating up Sehun’s special oreo cornflakes two months ago.

“Don’t cry, Hunnie,” Jongin keeps whispering like a mantra, one arm still slung around Sehun’s waist, the other rubbing the small of Sehun’s back, until the maknae’s breath evens out and he is sure Sehun fell asleep already. Smiling to himself, Jongin feels happy for finally being able to hold Sehun so close. If only Sehun would forget Pinku Pinku and turn to him instead, he wouldn’t have to use these drastic measures. Hopefully, Sehun will never find out what has happened to Pinku Pinku. Once Jongin gets rid of the teddy bear, there will be no traces left and Sehun will never know what exactly has happened to it. He will move on and cling to Jongin instead. But what if things don’t go the way Jongin wants to? Before his bad conscience can nag at him, he closes his eyes and forces himself to sleep.

The next morning Jongin wakes up with a big smile on his face. Sehun is the first thing he sees when he opens his eyes, how can he not smile? Their youngest is still sleeping soundly, the faintest hint of a grin on his lips. What makes Jongin even happier is Sehun’s peaceful expression and the hand that is grasping at his shirt so tightly. Their legs are tangled and Jongin can’t help but angle his head and press his lips against Sehun’s soft ones.

He can feel Sehun’s eyelashes brush against his cheek and that is when Jongin pulls away, a little breathless. Sehun looks at him with sleepy eyes and a look of confusion. The older of the two just smiles, acting as if he didn’t just kiss his best friend and band mate. If Sehun asked, he could just act as if it only happened in Sehun’s imagination. But Sehun doesn’t ask. He just blinks and keeps staring and Jongin doesn’t know how Sehun can control him this well. His heart is beating faster, just with one look, and he nearly crumbles down, giving up his stance.

“Morning, hyung,” Sehun says, voice laced with sleep. He rubs his eyes and yawns.

“Morning. Did you sleep well?” Jongin asks, telling his heart to slow down.

Sehun just hums softly and buries his head in the crook of Jongin’s neck. The tanned boy can feel warm puffs of air hitting his bared skin. Out of every shirt he possessed, he had to choose a low neck one, which he is regretting now. Sehun being so close makes him nervous and he really wants to be honest with his crush right now. It doesn’t feel right to be so intimate when it all happened just because of a stupid scheme. Jongin wants all of this to be real. He wants Sehun to want this as well.

“Hyung,” Sehun mumbles against his neck and Jongin gets goosebumps with the way Sehun’s lips softly brush over his skin. “Why did you kiss me?”

Sehun sounds so sure Jongin can only reply with the truth. “You looked very kissable,” he says. “You always do, so I felt tempted to.”

“That was my first kiss,” Sehun mumbles and Jongin can actually feel the pout on his neck, where Sehun’s lips meet his skin when he juts them forward. So this is what heaven tastes like. “Hyung, take responsibility!” Sehun whines softly and Jongin’s heart doubles over. What does that mean?

“Hyung’s so stupid,” Sehun mutters, as if Jongin wasn’t there, before he breaks away. He looks at Jongin with such an intensity that Jongin forgets to breathe.

“You have to date me. And cuddle with me until I find Pinku Pinku,” Sehun says and Jongin grins. He can live with that consequence. Now he just has to make sure to get rid of Pinku Pinku forever, which turns out to be a greater problem than he has expecected.

There is no second Sehun leaves him alone. Jongin is Pinku Pinku’s substitute, which means whenever Sehun feels like it, Jongin is tackled with hugs (which is practically every free minute they have). Jongin likes it actually, Sehun jumping on him during breaks from their practice and them rolling around on the floor together. Sometimes it’s Sehun who wins, sometimes it’s Jongin who does. Though it really doesn’t matter, because it’s always Sehun ending up on top of him, unable to move much in Jongin’s strong grip. Sehun wiggles and tries to worm out of the cage that Jongin creates with his limbs, and when Sehun gets tired, he just pecks Jongin’s face repeatedly, peppering it with chaste kisses everywhere, until Jongin is laughing and sets him free.

When they are at the dorm, Sehun drags Jongin around. To the kitchen to grab a snack or a drink, to the living room to watch movies or play games, to either his own or Jongin’s bedroom to cuddle some more. Jongin didn’t know before that Sehun was so dependent on physical reassurance. It is as if he is addicted to hugs, and although Jongin loves to give them, sometimes he would prefer to just lie down in bed and sleep. Impossible, when Sehun joins him and tickles him every morning. Or when Sehun starts a pillow fight. Jongin can’t help but give in, a voice nagging in his mind. He still feels guilty for hiding Pinku Pinku, who must be covered in layers of dust by now. Or maybe he just feels anxious, because he still couldn’t dispose of Sehun’s plushie and the ultimate evidence for his minor crime. Jongin is not sure if Sehun’s love for him is great enough yet or if he is just seen as a plush toy’s replacement.

Three weeks into their relationship (everyone just grinned knowingly when Sehun announced it loudly the next morning), Jongin is too exhausted from practice and the lack of sleep that he falls face first into bed the moment they are home. He doesn’t bother changing into pajamas when his sweatpants and loose shirt are comfortable enough to sleep in. Sehun has been keeping him awake every night since the first one, whispering nonstop until he fell asleep first, despite knowing that Jongin needs more rest than other people. Jongin has always been a sleepyhead, and Sehun had witnessed Jongin sleeping through most of their classes before. Sehun should know best.

“Hyung,” Sehun whines softly and Jongin sighs. He so wishes to be able to entertain his cute boyfriend right now, but his body is screaming for sleep.

“Let’s take a nap together,” Jongin says, not even looking in Sehun’s direction. He is too exhausted to move.

“Nuuuuuh, that’s boring. Let’s try out the new game Chanyeol-hyung has bought the other day!” Sehun says and sits down on Jongin’s back.

“Ugh, please, not now. Let me take a nap first,” Jongin whines. He can imagine Sehun sitting on him with arms crossed in front of his chest and a huge pout on his lips. Any other day and Jongin would pull Sehun down to kiss off the pout, giving butterfly kisses all over Sehun’s milky skin, fingers jabbing at his sides, to have him laugh and giggle and beg for mercy because no, hyung, I’m ticklish. But today is different and Jongin doesn’t pay much attention anymore, his brain slowly shutting off, mind going to dreamland.

Hours later Jongin wakes up. It is two in the morning and he feels like something very important is missing. It’s only after he crawls under the blankets again after getting a glass of water, that he notices Sehun’s absence. Ever since the first night spent together, they had been cuddling every following night and slept in the same bed, sometimes Jongin’, sometimes Sehun’s. Maybe Sehun is upset for the lack of attention earlier, Jongin thinks. So should he go over to find Sehun and apologize or wait until the next day? He chooses the latter option. By tomorrow, Sehun surely must have calmed down. Jongin will surely be forgiven.

When Jongin joins everyone in the living room for breakfast, he sits down next to Sehun. Sehun, who doesn’t even glance at him. And when he leans closer to peck Sehun’s cheek, the younger scoots away, out of reach. The behavior is irritating, enough to make the hyungs stare at them with interest and Jongin sighs. Sehun must be really mad. After all, and he only remembers now, Sehun can’t sleep without someone or something to cuddle with.

“I’m sorry,” Jongin whispers, a hand reaching out to nuzzle Sehun’s nape. It is pushed away immediately. Sehun excuses himself, stands up and leaves. All eyes are directed to Jongin, who ends up following his upset boyfriend.

“Hey, Sehun, about yesterd-” Jongin freezes. Sehun is sitting on his bed, Pinku Pinku clutched to his chest.

“When did you plan to tell me?” Sehun asks, tone void of any emotion. His eyes bore through Jongin though, dark and unforgiving.

“Oh, you found Pinku Pinku!” Jongin says, forcing a smile. “Luckily you had someone to cuddle with last night when I passed out.”

Sehun rolls his eyes. “Drop the act, hyung. Why did you hide Pinku Pinku?”

Jongin licks his lips. Well, he couldn’t really confess he was jealous of a plush toy, could he? That would be totally degrading.

“You’re twenty years old now, Sehun. You can’t spend your whole life hugging a plushie like a kid. What about your image?”

Sehun scoffs. He seems more furious than before. “Please, I’m the maknae, I can do whatever pleases me. People will find it cute. And Kris-hyung has lots of plush toys, too, and so does Chanyeol-hyung. Your argument is invalid. And so is our arrangement. Leave. Now.”

Jongin protests. Sehun’s icy glare can’t stop him and he moves closer, kneeling in front of his boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend, if Sehun was serious. He doesn’t dare looking at Sehun, his eyes darting to his hands resting on his lap instead.

“I have a confession to make,” Jongin starts, hoping that the truth will at least soothe Sehun to a certain degree. He takes the silence he is greeted with as a sign to go on.

“You know, I really hate Pinku Pinku. That’s why I hid your plushie. You always run to Pinku Pinku. But you have me, too. You just ignore me. So I guess I was kind of… jealous? Jealous of your stupid plush toy.”

He just said it. And oh, how childish it sounded to his own ears. Jongin wishes the ground to open up and swallow him alive, especially with Sehun staying so quiet. He can’t make himself look at Sehun and search his face for any reaction, because what he fears right now is being mocked.

Finally, Sehun speaks up. “You’re so silly, hyung. Who’s the childish one now? If you want me to spend more time with you, you could have just asked? Do you think I’d say no?”

What Sehun says sounds plausible, yet Jongin refuses to admit it. As long as Pinku Pinku is within reach, he is nothing to Sehun. He says it out loud. The maknae just shakes his head at that.

“Hyung, you didn’t even try to ask me. Because I’d say yes anytime. Your hugs are nicer than just having Pinku Pinku in my arms.”

Jongin can’t believe what he hears and he looks up to find Sehun’s anger blown away. Instead, he wears a shy expression and Jongin realizes for the umpteenth time that Sehun is just freaking adorable. He is so cute Jongin just has to tease him.

“Did you think that before our daily cuddles, too?” At that, Sehun’s face flushes visibly and Jongin grins. “I guess not. So don’t be mad I hid Pinku Pinku. In the end it made you realize you’re so better off with my hugs, right?”

Sehun just huffs and wrinkles his nose, but Jongin knows it’s just faked annoyance. He has his arms wrapped around the maknae in no time, who yelps when his back hits the mattress. Jongin quickly flips them over so Sehun will land on top of him again, locked in his embrace with the plushie in between.

“Mind to get rid of that plush toy?” Jongin asks, but Sehun shakes his head.

“Either you get us both or none,” he says and stucks out his tongue. Despite the heavy sigh, it is a compromise Jongin can accept when it means days and years of cuddling with Sehun ahead.

ahahaha what did i write *dies of hysterical laughter*