Tell Me a Story (2/2) [for everyone]
one | part two
“Jaebummie, tell me a story.”
“Could you please not call me ‘Jaebummie’? Jaebum is fine. Jaebum would be preferred, actually,” Jaebum grumbled but knew it was futile.
Jinyoung, too, didn’t seem too deterred by Jaebum’s complete disregard for his question.
“Fine, then I’ll tell you one.”
Flattery had gotten him nowhere the day before, but after thinking things over Jinyoung realized perhaps he’d gotten his whole approach wrong. He hadn’t missed the way Jaebum had seemed genuinely curious when he brought up his royal duties. Although the whole reason why Jinyoung visited the stables these days was to temporarily escape from his responsibilities, talking about them a little, especially if it warmed Jaebum up to him, couldn’t hurt.
“My greatest accomplishment, was actually when I was fifteen. I was only brought along to observe, to learn, but I don’t think anyone anticipated that I’d use what I’d learned in practice and out-perform some of our most experienced negotiators.”
As usual, when Jinyoung talked, Jaebum appeared to ignore him, merely continuing on with his work. This time, though, he found himself actually listening and not just hearing, his movements just the slightest bit slower as he multi-tasked.
Jaebum knew this story. Heck, the entire kingdom probably knew this story detailing the heroic efforts of their young prince. But it was different hearing it from Jinyoung himself, and Jaebum couldn’t help getting sucked into the narrative.
By the time Jinyoung finished Jaebum hadn’t even realized that he’d set down the broom, and was now leaning against a pillar, arms crossed and completely enraptured by the story.
Jinyoung looked at Jaebum expectantly, clearing demanding some sort of reaction.
“That’s not the version I heard…” Jaebum finally said slowly. “I heard Duke Junho’s son had been injured in a scuffle that had broken out, and you-”
“Pshhhh, embellishments,” Jinyoung waved it off. “People like to exaggerate. It’s true, before we got there a few small battles had already occurred and there were a few losses on both sides, but no one important was involved. Another common exaggeration was that Taecyeon threatened the King, my father, and I stood up to him and shut him down or some nonsense like that, and then a fight almost broke out, which I stopped by, well, there are a couple different versions of how that supposedly happened, too.” Jinyoung shook his head helplessly. “People really like to make things more exciting than they really are. It really was just a misunderstanding and a problem of semantics on their previously signed treaties.”
“So, why did you succeed where your negotiators failed?”
Jinyoung rolled his eyes.
“Because the negotiators got too caught up in their job of ‘negotiating.’ They placed all their efforts into placating both sides and finding ‘common ground,’ and completely failed to re-examine the facts and figure out the source of conflict. There was clearly some sort of discrepancy in communication. It’s impossible to bridge a gap if you’re building a bridge from two starting points that don’t line up.”
“And you figured that out.” Jaebum tried to keep the hint of disbelief out of his voice, but he wasn’t sure he was able to.
Jinyoung let out an embarrassed laugh.
“I guess I did.”
~~
That day, when Jinyoung left the stables, his steps were lighter than usual. Jaebum had talked back! Of his own free will!
He was definitely making progress.
His good mood must have been rather over-the-top, because even Yugyeom commented on it when he returned to his chambers that night.
“You seem very pleased, Your Majesty, I’m glad work has been going better,” Yugyeom had said offhandedly before he left the room. Jinyoung had just hummed in agreement, not really paying attention at the time as he’d been reading.
It was only a few minutes later that Yugyeom’s words sunk in.
To be honest, the meetings hadn’t been going any better, and they definitely were not the source of his pleasant mood.
It was only now that Jinyoung began to question himself; why in the world was he so fascinated by the stable boy? Sure, he was handsome, mysterious, and had piqued Jinyoung’s curiosity, but wasn’t he expending a rather ridiculous amount of energy on him?
Or was Jinyoung really just that much of people pleaser that he couldn’t stand knowing there was someone who disliked him, and thus felt the overwhelming need to win Jaebum over?
He agonized over his own motives for a few minutes longer before finally giving it up as a lost cause.
Honestly, what did it matter? It was a way to pass the time, and if it successfully distracted him from wallowing in misery over his administrative responsibilities, what would a little indulgence hurt?
~
Ironically, Jaebum was also reflecting, though in his case it was more of a grudging reassessment of his own judgements so far. For the fourth night in a row, the open page in his notebook remained empty, his harmonica untouched, his mind too preoccupied with the mystery that was their prince.
Jinyoung had a rather overwhelming reputation of being ideal in every sense of the word, from intelligence, to kindness, to judgement. Needless to say, Jaebum never really believed those things, most likely due to his own prejudice and preconceived notions of all royalty. And his first impression of the prince obviously didn’t help, and the subsequent encounters had only solidified Jaebum’s judgement of the prince as a rather useless, arrogant noble that thought quite a bit about his own self-importance but possessed no true abilities of value.
Morever, the way he behaved alone had made Jaebum disinclined to trust him. Jinyoung always had that regal aura about him, what with the way he dressed and held himself, but then he always proceeded to give Jaebum whiplash with his uncomfortably informal conversation and very undignified way of snickering. And Jaebum was supposed to believe this was that so-very-capable and beloved prince?
Either Jinyoung was two-faced or everything else about him was false.
But today…without even realizing it, Jaebum had found that his entire demeanor was slowly beginning to soften around the prince. He had begun to pick up on the nuances of the prince’s behavior, and now couldn’t help but see him under a different light.
For example, Jaebum realized the way he chattered and laughed so freely resembled an innocent child much more than a scheming nobleman set on getting Jaebum in trouble. And as doubtful as Jaebum had been about the prince’s abilities (he did, after all, spend hours talking to a mere stable boy, how responsible could he be, right?) Jaebum had also come to realize the intelligence and quick wit behind the idle chatter wasn’t an illusion, but always present and waiting for an opportune moment to strike.
Despite all the misconceptions Jaebum had been attempting to cling to, Jinyoung was slowly proving him wrong.
And for whatever reason, that made Jaebum very uneasy.
~~
“Jaebum Jaebum Jaebum, tell me a story,” Jinyoung greeted as he walked into the stables. It had been a whole week since this weird arrangement began, and still every day Jinyoung started off with an attempt to get Jaebum to lead conversation.
“You’re later than usual today,” Jaebum noted instead as Jinyoung flopped down in his usual spot, letting out a groan as he stretched his back.
“Meeting went long. The old geezer had the floor again today, so of course things take at least twice as long.” There was a fatigue to Jinyoung’s voice that Jaebum was unused to, and he frowned involuntarily.
“How are things going?” Jaebum found himself asking and Jinyoung sat up, surprised at Jaebum’s rare display of initiative.
“Okay, I guess. It could be worse, but we’re kinda stalled out right now.” Jinyoung sighed, one hand coming up to rub at his eyes. “I’m just frustrated because the answer is so clear, but no there is so much administrative crap to deal with first, and of course the formalities of meeting with all parties involved…”
Jaebum nodded, fingers deftly removing the coarse horse hairs from the brush he was currently cleaning. He’d gotten a lot better at multi-tasking these days.
“It’s just, so stupid!” Jinyoung continued, and Jaebum raised an eyebrow at the amount of force behind Jinyoung’s words. “People are already dying, and the longer we stall the more people that will die! Like yes, alright, I understand there’s a process, there are people we need to keep happy and a procedure to follow, but really? People are starving! Doesn’t it make sense that some excessive formalities should be dropped to be addressed at a later date, rather than having to pound them out now? Like really?!”
Jinyoung’s voice had built to a full on rant, and Jaebum found himself slightly stunned by the fire in Jinyoung’s eyes. This was the first time he saw the prince get so passionate about something, and he couldn’t help but feel a grudging respect emerging.
However, by the way Jinyoung suddenly stiffened, it was clear he hadn’t meant to go off like that.
He’d let too much information slip.
“So, it’s about the famine in the countryside, isn’t it?” Jaebum asked carefully, trying to keep his voice nonchalant as he continued to work on the brush.
There was a silence as Jinyoung agonized over an answer.
“Yeah,” he finally confirmed.
Jaebum didn’t say anything else, keeping his eyes focused on the task in front of him. He wouldn’t push Jinyoung for any more details, but if he wanted to share it would be up to him.
“Food stores in South have been completely depleted, since a lot of their crops were destroyed by that early freeze,” Jinyoung began slowly. “Central, North, and East are all doing okay. West has the greatest surplus right now, and we’re trying to transfer some down to South.
“But of course, whoever’s stupid idea it was, control over food stores is decentralized. Each district has their own local food store, which is then under the control of the State. Technically, we have no jurisdiction over the distribution of this food, it has to be something negotiated out by the two States involved.”
Jinyoung sighed.
“Actually, I take it back. It’s not stupid. It does make sense for food stores to be decentralized. It’s more efficient, especially given the sheer number of districts in question. But right now, West is being incredibly difficult. It’s been a hard winter, and even though they have a surplus, if things continue to play out the way it is now there’s a chance they might need it. Of course, these chances are quite slim, but it’s nice having that extra cushion. So of course, they’re demanding an absolute ridiculous price to sell. Not only is it too much for South to afford, it’s also too much for us to subsidize.”
Again, there was a silence as Jinyoung finished explaining the situation. He really shouldn’t have told Jaebum, but it wasn’t exactly “top secret” information, either. And he really, really needed to get it off his chest.
Gathering his thoughts, he continued.
“My first solution was to draw of a more general agreement of sorts, that payment will be decided afterwards. Every single day we spend deliberating price is another day more people are dying. But of course, this idea was shot down even before being brought up in a formal setting because it ‘could cause too many problems afterwards if no agreement can be reached’. Even if people are dying now, they’re unwilling to compromise!”
Jinyoung rubbed at his temples.
“I hate resorting to violence, but I don’t see any other way than to deploy the army and forcing West to comply.”
Jaebum’s movements stopped.
“No other solution?”
“Yeah,” Jinyoung sounded defeated. “I’m planning on bringing it up tomorrow. We’ve been going in circles for days, and it’s obvious a price negotiation isn’t going to work. West is simply refusing to aid South.”
“So you’re resorting to violence.”
There was a startling coldness to Jaebum’s voice that made Jinyoung look up in surprise.
“Well, there are no other options,” Jinyoung said, but he sounded a bit more uncertain. Jaebum had always been somewhat cold, detached, but the look in his eyes now was bordering on dangerous.
“So you’re killing people to save people.”
Jinyoung flinched; there was no mistaking Jaebum’s tone now, and Jinyoung jumped to defend himself.
“It wouldn’t escalate into a full on war- West would never risk being thrown from the Union. But if we don’t establish our authority, at this rate people will only continue to starve to death!”
“If it’s known that West won’t risk being kicked out, why must violence be used? And not escalating into a full on war, but that suggests there will still be a few battles, correct?” Jaebum pressed.
“Well, yes,” Jinyoung admitted. “It’s a pride thing for West.”
Jinyoung almost jumped when Jaebum let out a short laugh. It was mirthless, however, and mocking.
“A pride thing. Of course. What are a couple lives, next to pride?” he scoffed.
Jinyoung couldn’t understand why Jaebum was acting this way, but his own frustration quickly turned this confusion into anger.
“Well what am I supposed to do?! Yes, fine, a few soldiers will die, do you think I’m happy about that? But more people will starve if we don’t do this? And what other choice do we have? Besides, everyone knows our soldiers are all volunteers- they know they’re to risk their lives for their country at any given moment!”
Jaebum looked positively murderous by the end of Jinyoung’s tirade.
“They’re volunteers so their lives are worth less? Worth the price for pride, is that what you’re saying?” Jaebum’s voice wasn’t loud, but it was dripping with poisonous scorn. “And really, the only option. Violence is never the only option. And don’t be ridiculous; the soldiers may be volunteers, but what about everyone else?”
“What everyone else?!” Jinyoung exploded. He couldn’t understand what Jaebum was so upset about, and why suddenly it all seemed to be his fault. How had a rant about his day suddenly turned into such a heated argument?
Jaebum looked stunned for a moment, as if he couldn’t believe Jinyoung would ask him such a thing. Then his face twisted, eyes narrowing as he threw down the brush he was holding.
“And you have to ask me who ‘everyone else’ is.” Jaebum was growling, voice guttural and filled with a rage so fierce it shook. “You nobles just sit up in your castle, holding the power to change peoples’ lives in your palms and pretending you know best, that you’re superior. That you’re doing what you deem to be best for everyone else. When really, that’s the most preposterous thing I’ve ever heard because you know nothing!”
The last few words were bellowed and the sound echoed off the walls of the stables. Jaebum froze, reality finally catching up to him as he realized what he just said, that he’d been essentially screaming at the crown prince.
Jinyoung, too, was frozen, the last of Jaebum’s words ringing in his ears.
Jaebum swallowed, opening his mouth to say something, anything, but the words get choked in his throat when Jinyoung’s face suddenly collapsed, hurt and confusion rolling off of him in waves.
He sent one last baleful look at Jaebum over his shoulder before he was running off, and the gust of cold wind that followed chilled Jaebum to the bone.
~~
That night Jaebum was fully prepared to be dragged out of his bed and beaten, jailed, or even beheaded for his injury to the prince, but when he awoke in the morning, all was as usual.
But no, not quite all was as usual. For the first time a week, Jinyoung didn’t visit the stables. And although Jaebum had expected it, having his prediction come true for once offered no comfort.
~~
It wasn’t until Jinyoung stopped going to the stables that he realized how much he’d come to depend on that time with Jaebum.
Even though in the beginning, all he did was blab about random nonsense, he now realized how therapeutic it had been. He complained constantly that he did all the talking, but it had been a way for him to get things off his chest, to get his mind off of official affairs. It had been an effective outlet for his stress, and now with things intensifying, he’d lost his only source of comfort.
Jinyoung couldn’t sleep at night, tossing and turning with Jaebum’s words running through his mind.
He just didn’t understand. What had he done wrong? How was he wrong? He wanted the best for his people, couldn’t Jaebum see that? He was usually so cold and indifferent, what had Jinyoung said to set him off? Didn’t he know that sometimes, sacrifices had to be made?
And yet, Jinyoung held back from bringing up the subject of deploying their army. He knew it was only a matter of time, time they didn’t have, but he still couldn’t bring himself to do it.
~~
Jinyoung wasn’t the only one having trouble sleeping.
Im Jaebum didn’t miss him. No, of course not. Nor did he feel guilty. He was glad to finally have the prince out of his hair, to be able to work in peace and quiet.
But when he caught himself zoning out for the fourth time in one day, he had to admit to himself, perhaps it was a bit too quiet.
Jinyoung hadn’t come for five days now, and Jaebum knew that with each passing day, the likelihood of him returning was growing slimmer and slimmer. Jaebum knew that rationally, this was a good thing. He should never had gotten mixed up with the prince to begin with, because getting mixed up with royalty always brought unnecessary danger. He knew he should be relieved, but somehow, he couldn’t let it go.
Because somewhere along the way he’d gotten used to Jinyoung’s nonstop chatter, his eye smile, the way he kicked his feet when he whined. Of all things, he’d grown fond of him.
Jaebum let out a bitter laugh. So Jinyoung had succeeded, after all, but what did it matter now?
~~
It was on the seventh day, exactly a week since the last day Jaebum saw Jinyoung, that he returned.
“Get me a horse. Saddled and ready to ride. Now.” Jinyoung commanded the moment he stepped through the doors and Jaebum nearly dropped the shovel he was holding out of shock. He stood, frozen, while Jinyoung shook the snow out of his hair.
“I gave you an order. Now hurry up.” Jinyoung’s voice was firm, but he betrayed his emotions by avoiding Jaebum’s gaze, eyes flitting around nervously instead.
“Yes, Your Majesty,” Jaebum finally said after a pause. Out of his peripheral vision he saw Jinyoung sag with relief, as if he’d been expecting Jaebum to refuse. That set off a bunch of warning bells, and Jaebum’s brow knitted in confusion as he readied Jinyoung’s horse.
Now that he thought about it, something was clearly not right. The two months he’d been here, he was fairly certain Jinyoung had never been out riding. And when he first started his position here, Jaebum definitely recalled that only the Horse Master would be readying horses for the royal family.
Not to mention, if Jinyoung was going out riding, he definitely should have guards with him…
As Jaebum tightened the girth on Jinyoung’s horse, he noticed the prince was pacing, gnawing on his bottom lip and clearly looking agitated. There were dark circles under his eyes that Jaebum knew matched his own, but there was also a gauntness about him that made Jaebum’s heart clench.
How had the prince changed so much in merely a week?
Finally ready, Jaebum led the brown stallion towards Jinyoung. As he approached, though, it quickly became clear that his concerns were more than valid. Jinyoung also had an almost frantic look to his eyes, one Jaebum recognized as a desperate need to escape.
“Is he ready?” Jinyoung questioned, and when Jaebum nodded mutely he immediately grabbed the reigns.
“Are you going out for a ride?” Jaebum forced himself to ask.
“What does it look like?” Jinyoung snapped. Jaebum winced inwardly; the tone was so unlike the usually cheerful, laid-back prince he was used to, it almost hurt.
He followed Jinyoung outside, and it was only now that he realized that it was snowing, and how much colder it was than that morning.
When Jinyoung mounted the horse and almost fell off, Jaebum was suddenly filled with an inexplicable urgency to stop him.
“Wait, Your Majesty! It’s too cold to be dressed like that! Do you not have a coat?”
Jinyoung, paused, hesitating, and Jaebum quickly added on.
“Also, it’s snowing pretty heavily, it’s dangerous to ride alone now. Where are your guards?”
The moment the question left Jaebum’s mouth he knew he’d made a mistake, and Jinyoung’s eyes darkened.
“I don’t need my guards,” he spat, and immediately proceeded to dig his heels into the flanks of his horse.
“Wait!” Jaebum yelled but it was already too late. The horse took off at a gallop, leaving Jaebum behind to stare at Jinyoung helplessly, his stomach sinking.
~~
When Jinyoung hadn’t returned half an hour later, Jaebum couldn’t sit still any longer.
Typically, a half hour ride was nothing. It was normal to be gone for hours on a joy ride. But this wasn’t normal circumstances. If anything, the snow had gotten heavier, and it was getting to the point where it’d be difficult for even a seasoned rider to gallop full out. With the prince’s infrequency of riding, Jaebum was fairly sure he was no pro.
Not to mention, Jinyoung had been shivering from the moment he stepped outside. It was even colder while riding, and Jaebum couldn’t imagine the prince being able to stand the frigid wind for much longer.
All sorts of scenarios began to run through his mind. What if he got lost? If he fell off the horse? If he got sick, or injured? If an enemy found him wandering alone?!
Besides, if he waited much longer Jinyoung’s tracks would disappear…
With that thought Jaebum had a second horse saddled up within minutes, immediately galloping off to follow Jinyoung’s tracks.
Please, please please be safe.
~~
The snow was heavy, the flakes falling in clumps from the sky and Jaebum cursed, squinting through the haze of white. It was not yet sunset, but it would be soon, and with the clouds overhead it was already starting to get dim.
Jaebum knew he was catching up; the prints in the snow were becoming fresher and fresher, assuaging his fears. But at the same time, the anticipation began to twist his insides.
Due to the poor visibility, Jaebum didn’t recognize the familiar brown stallion until he was almost upon it, and when he reigned in his own horse he felt his heart stutter and stop.
The horse was riderless.
Jaebum immediately dismounted, and in his hurry nearly tripped over his own feet. He stumbled forward, frantically looking for human tracks, for any sign of where Jinyoung could’ve gone-
Oh.
Jaebum exhaled in relief as he took in the form in front of him, legs almost giving out, but as he looked closer a different kind of panic soon set in.
Jinyoung, for all purposes, didn’t appear to be injured, but sat halfway in a snowbank, shivering, teeth chattering, and covered in snow. He didn’t seem to be in any pain, though perhaps in shock, his expression frozen and eyes wide.
That was alarming enough, but even more so were the two shiny tear tracks down his cheeks, already frozen into a glossy sheen.
“Your Majesty?” Jaebum edged closer slowly, voice gentle and cautious, the same way one would approach an injured animal.
Jinyoung jerked, as if seeing him for the first time. Immediately he let out a choked laugh, hands coming up to wipe roughly at his cheeks but it was futile, the salty residue stuck to his face, courtesy of the freezing wind.
“It’s cold, and it’ll be dark soon. Let’s head back,” Jaebum finally uttered after a few moments of silence, making a deliberate effort to not comment on Jinyoung’s currently pitiful state. He stepped closer, intending to extend a hand to help Jinyoung stand, only to have it slapped away.
“You don’t have to put on a front,” Jinyoung laughed again but it resembled more of croak than anything else. His lips twisted upwards, but it was in a snarl of disgust. “Just look at me. You’re right. What in the world do I know?”
Before, all of Jaebum’s efforts had been focused into finding Jinyoung, leaving no time for any other emotions. But now, the guilt finally struck, sinking into his gut like a knife.
“Your Majesty, I didn’t-”
“Oh please, you meant everything you said, don’t insult me now by trying to take it back,” Jinyoung spat scornfully, but his voice caught on the end of his words, taking away most of the bite. “You’re right. You’re exactly right. What the hell do I know? People are dying and all we do is sit around a table, squabbling like children. We hold lives in our palms, but we can do nothing to save them, only condemn more to join them.” Jinyoung laughed bitterly, his voice brittle. Jaebum looked like he’d just been punched in the gut, hearing his own harsh words being twisted into even worse self-loathing, but Jinyoung wasn’t done yet.
“And just look at me now. Sitting here in the snow like a fool, an idiot who didn’t even know to grab a coat even though there’s practically a blizzard going on outside. God, I’m so stupid. What justification did I have to be upset when you asked where my guards were? Clearly I can’t do anything properly without them, instead I got tossed from my own horse like-”
Jinyoung broke off with a hiccup, his voice cracking and eyes reddening with more tears. But at this realization he immediately grit his teeth, forcibly swallowing back any further signs of weakness.
“God. And now I’m crying like a big baby. Delightful. Like I couldn’t get any more pathetic.”
Jaebum could only stand there, feeling helpless in every sense of the word as he watched his prince struggle to regain control over his emotions. He felt like he should say something, anything, but his mind was uselessly blank.
It was only when Jinyoung’s entire form shuddered with a violent shiver that Jaebum finally snapped out of it, springing back into action with a new urgency. He didn’t ask for permission this time, nor say anything to comfort. Jaebum had never been good at things like that, and from past experience it seemed he only ever managed to worsen the situation.
Instead, he just deftly stripped off his coat, advancing forward to wrap it around Jinyoung’s shoulders.
“What-”
Jinyoung broke off in a yelp as Jaebum proceeded to pick him up, lifting him easily with an arm beneath his knees and another wrapping behind to support his back. He walked briskly back to his horse, ignoring the splutters of protest coming from his arms.
Jaebum knew he was overstepping his boundaries, no, deliberately demolishing the barrier he should have never been allowed to cross. He was very well aware that he was breaking every single rule in existence, but he didn’t care. He couldn’t find it in himself to care.
With the state Jinyoung was in and Jaebum’s known lack of persuasive speaking skills, who knew who long it’d be before they’d manage to start on their way back?
Jaebum had always been impatient.
“Let me-”
Jinyoung broke off again but this time it was with a swift exhale, his breath leaving him in a whoosh as Jaebum deposited him back down on his horse. He mounted swiftly right afterwards, settling down in front of Jinyoung to grasp the reigns.
“Jinyoung, hold on.”
Jinyoung’s eyes widened, his arms coming up to circle around Jaebum’s waist without protest, because his mind was too stunned by the first part of what Jaebum had said.
He had called him Jinyoung. Not Your Majesty, and not any other title.
Just Jinyoung.
Besides his parents, Jinyoung couldn’t remember the last time someone else had called him by name only, or if anyone, for that matter, had ever dared to take that step without permission.
Slowly, his arms tightened around the body in front of him, his own chest leaning forward to rest against a strong back.
His eyes fluttered shut, exhaustion from the cold finally taking control of his limbs. So he relinquished himself to the darkness, comforted by the warmth in front of him.
~~
When Jinyoung awoke, he was in his own bed, carefully tucked under his warm covers. The previous events rushed back almost immediately and Jinyoung briefly entertained the notion of pretending it was all just a dream, but he’d never been one to avoid reality for long.
As he assessed himself, he found that by some miracle, he wasn’t sick, though he still felt incredibly fatigued. With the curtains drawn he couldn’t tell if it was day, or night, and with each passing second he found himself caring less and less. He didn’t even know how long he’d been asleep, nor how he got to his own bed, but sluggishly told himself he’d figure it out later as he allowed his eyes to slip back shut, slowing drifting back to the land of dreams.
Dreams of a comforting darkness, with the phantom sensation of strong arms cradling him in a protective hold, warmth seeping into every part of his body.
~~
Jinyoung didn’t come the next day, though Jaebum knew that either way, he was probably still recovering from his “excursion” the day before. After arriving back at the stables Jaebum had been greeted by a nearly frantic Yugyeom looking for his master, and he’d nearly had a heart attack when he saw the state of his prince. While they were debating what to do, Jinyoung had begun to stir, waking up just long enough to demand to be taken to his room.
Well, to be more accurate it had been a rather slurred version of “I want my bed” and Jaebum was sure it had been more dream talk than a conscious order. Either way, Yugyeom and Jaebum took it as a good enough excuse to sneak the prince in through the servant doors, narrowly escaping the attention of the guards and eventually making it to the prince’s quarters.
Yugyeom and Bambam took over from there, quickly shooing Jaebum out of their way.
When Jaebum had returned to his own place, the sun had long since set. As usual he lit his fire, settling down in front of it with a blanket, his notebook, a pen, and his harmonica. He had no expectations of composing anything new; it seemed his inspiration had long since fled these past few weeks, his mind much too preoccupied by a mess of conflicting ideas and emotions.
Preoccupied by a single person.
But tonight, he felt strangely calm. He’d tired himself out with all the overthinking and agonizing over his potential death. All that was left, was a resigned peace.
Slowly, he picked up his pen.
The words flowed as easily as the ink from his pen.
~~
There once was a little boy who lived in East with his family, which consisted of his mother, his father, and his younger brother, the most lovable little boy you could ever meet named Youngjae.
When this boy was seven years old, his father was conscripted to go off to war. At that time, they were being invaded. Their country was strong, and they were holding off well enough, but volunteers were no longer enough to sustain the army.
His father was happy to go. He was a proud man and he loved his country, but the only thing he that made him hesitant to leave, was his family.
But he went regardless. It wasn’t only a matter of pride, but of duty, and this little boy’s father was never one to shirk his duty. He had worries, especially since little Youngjae was only just born, but he went.
His mother was also a very strong woman. She loved her husband very, very much, and worried about him every night. But she was the best mother in existence, raising her two sons on her own to be the best men they could be one day.
Time flew. And six years later, finally, finally their father was coming home.
The war hadn’t ended, not quite yet, but they were getting close. The reason their father was returning early, however, was because he’d been injured. It had been severe and he’d never walk the same again, but he was alive.
That was all that mattered.
The day his father returned home, was the happiest day of their lives. The little boy was no longer so little, but thirteen, and already taking on the responsibilities as the man of the household. Youngjae was now six and possessed a heart of gold, composed of curiosity and innocence and love.
Their mother, however, had also changed. She was older, more worn. She no longer was quite so beautiful, quite so youthful.
But as their father swept all of them up in his arms, he’d whispered in her ear, loud enough for the little boy to hear:
She was stunning, forever the brightest star in his sky.
Life had fallen back into its normal pattern soon after, except now all the pieces were present and the picture whole. It was hard, sometimes, when his father woke the whole house with his screams from nightmares about the war. It was absolutely devastating when his father found out he could no longer work in the fields like he used to.
But they were together, and they worked through it.
Those were the happiest five years of his life.
When they came, there was no warning. There were no alarms, no bells, no screams of warning until it was much too late.
They came by night and burned the entire village down. It was a raid. It was meant to provoke, a petty act of vengeance to soothe wounded prides.
People say the smoke turned red from the blood of men, women, and innocent children alike. That the screams the tore the air already resembled ghosts rather than humans.
The boy only heard these things afterwards, long long afterwards. His father and he had been out traveling, visiting a neighboring village to trade some of their vegetables.
His father had bought a beautiful blue scarf for his mother, and the boy had bought a small wooden horse, an intricately carved figurine, for Youngjae.
But there was no one to give them to when they returned, only ash, ash, and more ash.
Nothing left, not even a keepsake to bury instead of a body.
His father lost it. The destruction and havoc that had been wreaked on their village brought back too many memories, memories he’d kept so firmly locked up in a corner of his mind but grief and anguish now unlocked. The boy did his best to take care of him, to comfort him, but how much comfort could he provide when he too felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest?
He would never see his mother’s beautiful smile, hear her gentle voice, stare into her loving eyes.
Youngjae had her eyes.
One morning, the boy woke up and his father was gone. He searched for him, for months, but even from the beginning he knew he would never be found again.
The boy was now no longer a boy, but a man, but he was no better than a boy.
He was lost, and alone.
So utterly alone.
For a year he was consumed by his grief, and that year he didn’t recall much of. He’d stayed at the village, helping to rebuild with the few survivors left. He had nowhere else to go, after all.
But the memories came to be too much. One by one the survivors slowly began to leave, realizing that sometimes, leaving behind the past completely was the only way to move forward.
He didn’t know exactly what it was that finally snapped him out of his daze, but whatever it was, that period of his life was over. He believed it would always be there, a wound that would never heal completely, but time would tell.
He remembered a friend his father had often mentioned, a fellow soldier who lived in Central. It took quite a bit of effort, but he found him. Hearing what had happened, the man was kind enough to give him a job in his smithery, where he stayed for another year.
It wasn’t really his thing, but he had no other purpose. He lived day to day, with no goals, no pleasure, no sense of accomplishment.
He had felt no desire for anything, no wants, until he saw the posting for a new stable boy.
He suddenly remembered what it was like, to work with horses. They originally owned two, a stubborn old mare and a laidback stallion.
For the first time in too long, he wanted something.
For the first time in too long, he was content.
So when his routine had been shattered, he’d been annoyed. He already carried with him too many burdens, too many preconceived notions. Like his father, he was prideful, but unlike his father, he was not yet mature. He let his emotions rule his actions.
And yet somehow, this other boy, this prince that was supposed to be pampered beyond belief and haughty and cold, was slowly breaking down his barriers. And it infuriated him, because it suggested he was wrong, that he was weak.
But more than anything he was scared. Scared of becoming attached to something he shouldn’t, something that would never belong to him and could be taken away with a single notice.
So he let his inner demons spew poison from his mouth, and let the festering from his old wounds spread to another. His insecurities, his anger, his guilt and misplaced blame.
His regret.
But the thing about this story, was that it did not yet have an ending.
He was a man now, but he still felt like a boy, lost and searching for guidance.
What was the correct resolution?
He remembered his father’s boisterous laugh, his mother’s eyes, his brother’s heart of gold.
He wanted to make another person smile.
~~
This time, Jaebum wasn’t caught off his guard. He didn’t even need to look up to recognize the light footsteps approaching him from behind, the familiar crunch of hay as a weight sank down onto it.
He heard the familiar draw of breath, ready to ask that one familiar question.
But Jaebum beat him to it.
“Let me tell you a story.”
one | part two
“Jaebummie, tell me a story.”
“Could you please not call me ‘Jaebummie’? Jaebum is fine. Jaebum would be preferred, actually,” Jaebum grumbled but knew it was futile.
Jinyoung, too, didn’t seem too deterred by Jaebum’s complete disregard for his question.
“Fine, then I’ll tell you one.”
Flattery had gotten him nowhere the day before, but after thinking things over Jinyoung realized perhaps he’d gotten his whole approach wrong. He hadn’t missed the way Jaebum had seemed genuinely curious when he brought up his royal duties. Although the whole reason why Jinyoung visited the stables these days was to temporarily escape from his responsibilities, talking about them a little, especially if it warmed Jaebum up to him, couldn’t hurt.
“My greatest accomplishment, was actually when I was fifteen. I was only brought along to observe, to learn, but I don’t think anyone anticipated that I’d use what I’d learned in practice and out-perform some of our most experienced negotiators.”
As usual, when Jinyoung talked, Jaebum appeared to ignore him, merely continuing on with his work. This time, though, he found himself actually listening and not just hearing, his movements just the slightest bit slower as he multi-tasked.
Jaebum knew this story. Heck, the entire kingdom probably knew this story detailing the heroic efforts of their young prince. But it was different hearing it from Jinyoung himself, and Jaebum couldn’t help getting sucked into the narrative.
By the time Jinyoung finished Jaebum hadn’t even realized that he’d set down the broom, and was now leaning against a pillar, arms crossed and completely enraptured by the story.
Jinyoung looked at Jaebum expectantly, clearing demanding some sort of reaction.
“That’s not the version I heard…” Jaebum finally said slowly. “I heard Duke Junho’s son had been injured in a scuffle that had broken out, and you-”
“Pshhhh, embellishments,” Jinyoung waved it off. “People like to exaggerate. It’s true, before we got there a few small battles had already occurred and there were a few losses on both sides, but no one important was involved. Another common exaggeration was that Taecyeon threatened the King, my father, and I stood up to him and shut him down or some nonsense like that, and then a fight almost broke out, which I stopped by, well, there are a couple different versions of how that supposedly happened, too.” Jinyoung shook his head helplessly. “People really like to make things more exciting than they really are. It really was just a misunderstanding and a problem of semantics on their previously signed treaties.”
“So, why did you succeed where your negotiators failed?”
Jinyoung rolled his eyes.
“Because the negotiators got too caught up in their job of ‘negotiating.’ They placed all their efforts into placating both sides and finding ‘common ground,’ and completely failed to re-examine the facts and figure out the source of conflict. There was clearly some sort of discrepancy in communication. It’s impossible to bridge a gap if you’re building a bridge from two starting points that don’t line up.”
“And you figured that out.” Jaebum tried to keep the hint of disbelief out of his voice, but he wasn’t sure he was able to.
Jinyoung let out an embarrassed laugh.
“I guess I did.”
~~
That day, when Jinyoung left the stables, his steps were lighter than usual. Jaebum had talked back! Of his own free will!
He was definitely making progress.
His good mood must have been rather over-the-top, because even Yugyeom commented on it when he returned to his chambers that night.
“You seem very pleased, Your Majesty, I’m glad work has been going better,” Yugyeom had said offhandedly before he left the room. Jinyoung had just hummed in agreement, not really paying attention at the time as he’d been reading.
It was only a few minutes later that Yugyeom’s words sunk in.
To be honest, the meetings hadn’t been going any better, and they definitely were not the source of his pleasant mood.
It was only now that Jinyoung began to question himself; why in the world was he so fascinated by the stable boy? Sure, he was handsome, mysterious, and had piqued Jinyoung’s curiosity, but wasn’t he expending a rather ridiculous amount of energy on him?
Or was Jinyoung really just that much of people pleaser that he couldn’t stand knowing there was someone who disliked him, and thus felt the overwhelming need to win Jaebum over?
He agonized over his own motives for a few minutes longer before finally giving it up as a lost cause.
Honestly, what did it matter? It was a way to pass the time, and if it successfully distracted him from wallowing in misery over his administrative responsibilities, what would a little indulgence hurt?
~
Ironically, Jaebum was also reflecting, though in his case it was more of a grudging reassessment of his own judgements so far. For the fourth night in a row, the open page in his notebook remained empty, his harmonica untouched, his mind too preoccupied with the mystery that was their prince.
Jinyoung had a rather overwhelming reputation of being ideal in every sense of the word, from intelligence, to kindness, to judgement. Needless to say, Jaebum never really believed those things, most likely due to his own prejudice and preconceived notions of all royalty. And his first impression of the prince obviously didn’t help, and the subsequent encounters had only solidified Jaebum’s judgement of the prince as a rather useless, arrogant noble that thought quite a bit about his own self-importance but possessed no true abilities of value.
Morever, the way he behaved alone had made Jaebum disinclined to trust him. Jinyoung always had that regal aura about him, what with the way he dressed and held himself, but then he always proceeded to give Jaebum whiplash with his uncomfortably informal conversation and very undignified way of snickering. And Jaebum was supposed to believe this was that so-very-capable and beloved prince?
Either Jinyoung was two-faced or everything else about him was false.
But today…without even realizing it, Jaebum had found that his entire demeanor was slowly beginning to soften around the prince. He had begun to pick up on the nuances of the prince’s behavior, and now couldn’t help but see him under a different light.
For example, Jaebum realized the way he chattered and laughed so freely resembled an innocent child much more than a scheming nobleman set on getting Jaebum in trouble. And as doubtful as Jaebum had been about the prince’s abilities (he did, after all, spend hours talking to a mere stable boy, how responsible could he be, right?) Jaebum had also come to realize the intelligence and quick wit behind the idle chatter wasn’t an illusion, but always present and waiting for an opportune moment to strike.
Despite all the misconceptions Jaebum had been attempting to cling to, Jinyoung was slowly proving him wrong.
And for whatever reason, that made Jaebum very uneasy.
~~
“Jaebum Jaebum Jaebum, tell me a story,” Jinyoung greeted as he walked into the stables. It had been a whole week since this weird arrangement began, and still every day Jinyoung started off with an attempt to get Jaebum to lead conversation.
“You’re later than usual today,” Jaebum noted instead as Jinyoung flopped down in his usual spot, letting out a groan as he stretched his back.
“Meeting went long. The old geezer had the floor again today, so of course things take at least twice as long.” There was a fatigue to Jinyoung’s voice that Jaebum was unused to, and he frowned involuntarily.
“How are things going?” Jaebum found himself asking and Jinyoung sat up, surprised at Jaebum’s rare display of initiative.
“Okay, I guess. It could be worse, but we’re kinda stalled out right now.” Jinyoung sighed, one hand coming up to rub at his eyes. “I’m just frustrated because the answer is so clear, but no there is so much administrative crap to deal with first, and of course the formalities of meeting with all parties involved…”
Jaebum nodded, fingers deftly removing the coarse horse hairs from the brush he was currently cleaning. He’d gotten a lot better at multi-tasking these days.
“It’s just, so stupid!” Jinyoung continued, and Jaebum raised an eyebrow at the amount of force behind Jinyoung’s words. “People are already dying, and the longer we stall the more people that will die! Like yes, alright, I understand there’s a process, there are people we need to keep happy and a procedure to follow, but really? People are starving! Doesn’t it make sense that some excessive formalities should be dropped to be addressed at a later date, rather than having to pound them out now? Like really?!”
Jinyoung’s voice had built to a full on rant, and Jaebum found himself slightly stunned by the fire in Jinyoung’s eyes. This was the first time he saw the prince get so passionate about something, and he couldn’t help but feel a grudging respect emerging.
However, by the way Jinyoung suddenly stiffened, it was clear he hadn’t meant to go off like that.
He’d let too much information slip.
“So, it’s about the famine in the countryside, isn’t it?” Jaebum asked carefully, trying to keep his voice nonchalant as he continued to work on the brush.
There was a silence as Jinyoung agonized over an answer.
“Yeah,” he finally confirmed.
Jaebum didn’t say anything else, keeping his eyes focused on the task in front of him. He wouldn’t push Jinyoung for any more details, but if he wanted to share it would be up to him.
“Food stores in South have been completely depleted, since a lot of their crops were destroyed by that early freeze,” Jinyoung began slowly. “Central, North, and East are all doing okay. West has the greatest surplus right now, and we’re trying to transfer some down to South.
“But of course, whoever’s stupid idea it was, control over food stores is decentralized. Each district has their own local food store, which is then under the control of the State. Technically, we have no jurisdiction over the distribution of this food, it has to be something negotiated out by the two States involved.”
Jinyoung sighed.
“Actually, I take it back. It’s not stupid. It does make sense for food stores to be decentralized. It’s more efficient, especially given the sheer number of districts in question. But right now, West is being incredibly difficult. It’s been a hard winter, and even though they have a surplus, if things continue to play out the way it is now there’s a chance they might need it. Of course, these chances are quite slim, but it’s nice having that extra cushion. So of course, they’re demanding an absolute ridiculous price to sell. Not only is it too much for South to afford, it’s also too much for us to subsidize.”
Again, there was a silence as Jinyoung finished explaining the situation. He really shouldn’t have told Jaebum, but it wasn’t exactly “top secret” information, either. And he really, really needed to get it off his chest.
Gathering his thoughts, he continued.
“My first solution was to draw of a more general agreement of sorts, that payment will be decided afterwards. Every single day we spend deliberating price is another day more people are dying. But of course, this idea was shot down even before being brought up in a formal setting because it ‘could cause too many problems afterwards if no agreement can be reached’. Even if people are dying now, they’re unwilling to compromise!”
Jinyoung rubbed at his temples.
“I hate resorting to violence, but I don’t see any other way than to deploy the army and forcing West to comply.”
Jaebum’s movements stopped.
“No other solution?”
“Yeah,” Jinyoung sounded defeated. “I’m planning on bringing it up tomorrow. We’ve been going in circles for days, and it’s obvious a price negotiation isn’t going to work. West is simply refusing to aid South.”
“So you’re resorting to violence.”
There was a startling coldness to Jaebum’s voice that made Jinyoung look up in surprise.
“Well, there are no other options,” Jinyoung said, but he sounded a bit more uncertain. Jaebum had always been somewhat cold, detached, but the look in his eyes now was bordering on dangerous.
“So you’re killing people to save people.”
Jinyoung flinched; there was no mistaking Jaebum’s tone now, and Jinyoung jumped to defend himself.
“It wouldn’t escalate into a full on war- West would never risk being thrown from the Union. But if we don’t establish our authority, at this rate people will only continue to starve to death!”
“If it’s known that West won’t risk being kicked out, why must violence be used? And not escalating into a full on war, but that suggests there will still be a few battles, correct?” Jaebum pressed.
“Well, yes,” Jinyoung admitted. “It’s a pride thing for West.”
Jinyoung almost jumped when Jaebum let out a short laugh. It was mirthless, however, and mocking.
“A pride thing. Of course. What are a couple lives, next to pride?” he scoffed.
Jinyoung couldn’t understand why Jaebum was acting this way, but his own frustration quickly turned this confusion into anger.
“Well what am I supposed to do?! Yes, fine, a few soldiers will die, do you think I’m happy about that? But more people will starve if we don’t do this? And what other choice do we have? Besides, everyone knows our soldiers are all volunteers- they know they’re to risk their lives for their country at any given moment!”
Jaebum looked positively murderous by the end of Jinyoung’s tirade.
“They’re volunteers so their lives are worth less? Worth the price for pride, is that what you’re saying?” Jaebum’s voice wasn’t loud, but it was dripping with poisonous scorn. “And really, the only option. Violence is never the only option. And don’t be ridiculous; the soldiers may be volunteers, but what about everyone else?”
“What everyone else?!” Jinyoung exploded. He couldn’t understand what Jaebum was so upset about, and why suddenly it all seemed to be his fault. How had a rant about his day suddenly turned into such a heated argument?
Jaebum looked stunned for a moment, as if he couldn’t believe Jinyoung would ask him such a thing. Then his face twisted, eyes narrowing as he threw down the brush he was holding.
“And you have to ask me who ‘everyone else’ is.” Jaebum was growling, voice guttural and filled with a rage so fierce it shook. “You nobles just sit up in your castle, holding the power to change peoples’ lives in your palms and pretending you know best, that you’re superior. That you’re doing what you deem to be best for everyone else. When really, that’s the most preposterous thing I’ve ever heard because you know nothing!”
The last few words were bellowed and the sound echoed off the walls of the stables. Jaebum froze, reality finally catching up to him as he realized what he just said, that he’d been essentially screaming at the crown prince.
Jinyoung, too, was frozen, the last of Jaebum’s words ringing in his ears.
Jaebum swallowed, opening his mouth to say something, anything, but the words get choked in his throat when Jinyoung’s face suddenly collapsed, hurt and confusion rolling off of him in waves.
He sent one last baleful look at Jaebum over his shoulder before he was running off, and the gust of cold wind that followed chilled Jaebum to the bone.
~~
That night Jaebum was fully prepared to be dragged out of his bed and beaten, jailed, or even beheaded for his injury to the prince, but when he awoke in the morning, all was as usual.
But no, not quite all was as usual. For the first time a week, Jinyoung didn’t visit the stables. And although Jaebum had expected it, having his prediction come true for once offered no comfort.
~~
It wasn’t until Jinyoung stopped going to the stables that he realized how much he’d come to depend on that time with Jaebum.
Even though in the beginning, all he did was blab about random nonsense, he now realized how therapeutic it had been. He complained constantly that he did all the talking, but it had been a way for him to get things off his chest, to get his mind off of official affairs. It had been an effective outlet for his stress, and now with things intensifying, he’d lost his only source of comfort.
Jinyoung couldn’t sleep at night, tossing and turning with Jaebum’s words running through his mind.
He just didn’t understand. What had he done wrong? How was he wrong? He wanted the best for his people, couldn’t Jaebum see that? He was usually so cold and indifferent, what had Jinyoung said to set him off? Didn’t he know that sometimes, sacrifices had to be made?
And yet, Jinyoung held back from bringing up the subject of deploying their army. He knew it was only a matter of time, time they didn’t have, but he still couldn’t bring himself to do it.
~~
Jinyoung wasn’t the only one having trouble sleeping.
Im Jaebum didn’t miss him. No, of course not. Nor did he feel guilty. He was glad to finally have the prince out of his hair, to be able to work in peace and quiet.
But when he caught himself zoning out for the fourth time in one day, he had to admit to himself, perhaps it was a bit too quiet.
Jinyoung hadn’t come for five days now, and Jaebum knew that with each passing day, the likelihood of him returning was growing slimmer and slimmer. Jaebum knew that rationally, this was a good thing. He should never had gotten mixed up with the prince to begin with, because getting mixed up with royalty always brought unnecessary danger. He knew he should be relieved, but somehow, he couldn’t let it go.
Because somewhere along the way he’d gotten used to Jinyoung’s nonstop chatter, his eye smile, the way he kicked his feet when he whined. Of all things, he’d grown fond of him.
Jaebum let out a bitter laugh. So Jinyoung had succeeded, after all, but what did it matter now?
~~
It was on the seventh day, exactly a week since the last day Jaebum saw Jinyoung, that he returned.
“Get me a horse. Saddled and ready to ride. Now.” Jinyoung commanded the moment he stepped through the doors and Jaebum nearly dropped the shovel he was holding out of shock. He stood, frozen, while Jinyoung shook the snow out of his hair.
“I gave you an order. Now hurry up.” Jinyoung’s voice was firm, but he betrayed his emotions by avoiding Jaebum’s gaze, eyes flitting around nervously instead.
“Yes, Your Majesty,” Jaebum finally said after a pause. Out of his peripheral vision he saw Jinyoung sag with relief, as if he’d been expecting Jaebum to refuse. That set off a bunch of warning bells, and Jaebum’s brow knitted in confusion as he readied Jinyoung’s horse.
Now that he thought about it, something was clearly not right. The two months he’d been here, he was fairly certain Jinyoung had never been out riding. And when he first started his position here, Jaebum definitely recalled that only the Horse Master would be readying horses for the royal family.
Not to mention, if Jinyoung was going out riding, he definitely should have guards with him…
As Jaebum tightened the girth on Jinyoung’s horse, he noticed the prince was pacing, gnawing on his bottom lip and clearly looking agitated. There were dark circles under his eyes that Jaebum knew matched his own, but there was also a gauntness about him that made Jaebum’s heart clench.
How had the prince changed so much in merely a week?
Finally ready, Jaebum led the brown stallion towards Jinyoung. As he approached, though, it quickly became clear that his concerns were more than valid. Jinyoung also had an almost frantic look to his eyes, one Jaebum recognized as a desperate need to escape.
“Is he ready?” Jinyoung questioned, and when Jaebum nodded mutely he immediately grabbed the reigns.
“Are you going out for a ride?” Jaebum forced himself to ask.
“What does it look like?” Jinyoung snapped. Jaebum winced inwardly; the tone was so unlike the usually cheerful, laid-back prince he was used to, it almost hurt.
He followed Jinyoung outside, and it was only now that he realized that it was snowing, and how much colder it was than that morning.
When Jinyoung mounted the horse and almost fell off, Jaebum was suddenly filled with an inexplicable urgency to stop him.
“Wait, Your Majesty! It’s too cold to be dressed like that! Do you not have a coat?”
Jinyoung, paused, hesitating, and Jaebum quickly added on.
“Also, it’s snowing pretty heavily, it’s dangerous to ride alone now. Where are your guards?”
The moment the question left Jaebum’s mouth he knew he’d made a mistake, and Jinyoung’s eyes darkened.
“I don’t need my guards,” he spat, and immediately proceeded to dig his heels into the flanks of his horse.
“Wait!” Jaebum yelled but it was already too late. The horse took off at a gallop, leaving Jaebum behind to stare at Jinyoung helplessly, his stomach sinking.
~~
When Jinyoung hadn’t returned half an hour later, Jaebum couldn’t sit still any longer.
Typically, a half hour ride was nothing. It was normal to be gone for hours on a joy ride. But this wasn’t normal circumstances. If anything, the snow had gotten heavier, and it was getting to the point where it’d be difficult for even a seasoned rider to gallop full out. With the prince’s infrequency of riding, Jaebum was fairly sure he was no pro.
Not to mention, Jinyoung had been shivering from the moment he stepped outside. It was even colder while riding, and Jaebum couldn’t imagine the prince being able to stand the frigid wind for much longer.
All sorts of scenarios began to run through his mind. What if he got lost? If he fell off the horse? If he got sick, or injured? If an enemy found him wandering alone?!
Besides, if he waited much longer Jinyoung’s tracks would disappear…
With that thought Jaebum had a second horse saddled up within minutes, immediately galloping off to follow Jinyoung’s tracks.
Please, please please be safe.
~~
The snow was heavy, the flakes falling in clumps from the sky and Jaebum cursed, squinting through the haze of white. It was not yet sunset, but it would be soon, and with the clouds overhead it was already starting to get dim.
Jaebum knew he was catching up; the prints in the snow were becoming fresher and fresher, assuaging his fears. But at the same time, the anticipation began to twist his insides.
Due to the poor visibility, Jaebum didn’t recognize the familiar brown stallion until he was almost upon it, and when he reigned in his own horse he felt his heart stutter and stop.
The horse was riderless.
Jaebum immediately dismounted, and in his hurry nearly tripped over his own feet. He stumbled forward, frantically looking for human tracks, for any sign of where Jinyoung could’ve gone-
Oh.
Jaebum exhaled in relief as he took in the form in front of him, legs almost giving out, but as he looked closer a different kind of panic soon set in.
Jinyoung, for all purposes, didn’t appear to be injured, but sat halfway in a snowbank, shivering, teeth chattering, and covered in snow. He didn’t seem to be in any pain, though perhaps in shock, his expression frozen and eyes wide.
That was alarming enough, but even more so were the two shiny tear tracks down his cheeks, already frozen into a glossy sheen.
“Your Majesty?” Jaebum edged closer slowly, voice gentle and cautious, the same way one would approach an injured animal.
Jinyoung jerked, as if seeing him for the first time. Immediately he let out a choked laugh, hands coming up to wipe roughly at his cheeks but it was futile, the salty residue stuck to his face, courtesy of the freezing wind.
“It’s cold, and it’ll be dark soon. Let’s head back,” Jaebum finally uttered after a few moments of silence, making a deliberate effort to not comment on Jinyoung’s currently pitiful state. He stepped closer, intending to extend a hand to help Jinyoung stand, only to have it slapped away.
“You don’t have to put on a front,” Jinyoung laughed again but it resembled more of croak than anything else. His lips twisted upwards, but it was in a snarl of disgust. “Just look at me. You’re right. What in the world do I know?”
Before, all of Jaebum’s efforts had been focused into finding Jinyoung, leaving no time for any other emotions. But now, the guilt finally struck, sinking into his gut like a knife.
“Your Majesty, I didn’t-”
“Oh please, you meant everything you said, don’t insult me now by trying to take it back,” Jinyoung spat scornfully, but his voice caught on the end of his words, taking away most of the bite. “You’re right. You’re exactly right. What the hell do I know? People are dying and all we do is sit around a table, squabbling like children. We hold lives in our palms, but we can do nothing to save them, only condemn more to join them.” Jinyoung laughed bitterly, his voice brittle. Jaebum looked like he’d just been punched in the gut, hearing his own harsh words being twisted into even worse self-loathing, but Jinyoung wasn’t done yet.
“And just look at me now. Sitting here in the snow like a fool, an idiot who didn’t even know to grab a coat even though there’s practically a blizzard going on outside. God, I’m so stupid. What justification did I have to be upset when you asked where my guards were? Clearly I can’t do anything properly without them, instead I got tossed from my own horse like-”
Jinyoung broke off with a hiccup, his voice cracking and eyes reddening with more tears. But at this realization he immediately grit his teeth, forcibly swallowing back any further signs of weakness.
“God. And now I’m crying like a big baby. Delightful. Like I couldn’t get any more pathetic.”
Jaebum could only stand there, feeling helpless in every sense of the word as he watched his prince struggle to regain control over his emotions. He felt like he should say something, anything, but his mind was uselessly blank.
It was only when Jinyoung’s entire form shuddered with a violent shiver that Jaebum finally snapped out of it, springing back into action with a new urgency. He didn’t ask for permission this time, nor say anything to comfort. Jaebum had never been good at things like that, and from past experience it seemed he only ever managed to worsen the situation.
Instead, he just deftly stripped off his coat, advancing forward to wrap it around Jinyoung’s shoulders.
“What-”
Jinyoung broke off in a yelp as Jaebum proceeded to pick him up, lifting him easily with an arm beneath his knees and another wrapping behind to support his back. He walked briskly back to his horse, ignoring the splutters of protest coming from his arms.
Jaebum knew he was overstepping his boundaries, no, deliberately demolishing the barrier he should have never been allowed to cross. He was very well aware that he was breaking every single rule in existence, but he didn’t care. He couldn’t find it in himself to care.
With the state Jinyoung was in and Jaebum’s known lack of persuasive speaking skills, who knew who long it’d be before they’d manage to start on their way back?
Jaebum had always been impatient.
“Let me-”
Jinyoung broke off again but this time it was with a swift exhale, his breath leaving him in a whoosh as Jaebum deposited him back down on his horse. He mounted swiftly right afterwards, settling down in front of Jinyoung to grasp the reigns.
“Jinyoung, hold on.”
Jinyoung’s eyes widened, his arms coming up to circle around Jaebum’s waist without protest, because his mind was too stunned by the first part of what Jaebum had said.
He had called him Jinyoung. Not Your Majesty, and not any other title.
Just Jinyoung.
Besides his parents, Jinyoung couldn’t remember the last time someone else had called him by name only, or if anyone, for that matter, had ever dared to take that step without permission.
Slowly, his arms tightened around the body in front of him, his own chest leaning forward to rest against a strong back.
His eyes fluttered shut, exhaustion from the cold finally taking control of his limbs. So he relinquished himself to the darkness, comforted by the warmth in front of him.
~~
When Jinyoung awoke, he was in his own bed, carefully tucked under his warm covers. The previous events rushed back almost immediately and Jinyoung briefly entertained the notion of pretending it was all just a dream, but he’d never been one to avoid reality for long.
As he assessed himself, he found that by some miracle, he wasn’t sick, though he still felt incredibly fatigued. With the curtains drawn he couldn’t tell if it was day, or night, and with each passing second he found himself caring less and less. He didn’t even know how long he’d been asleep, nor how he got to his own bed, but sluggishly told himself he’d figure it out later as he allowed his eyes to slip back shut, slowing drifting back to the land of dreams.
Dreams of a comforting darkness, with the phantom sensation of strong arms cradling him in a protective hold, warmth seeping into every part of his body.
~~
Jinyoung didn’t come the next day, though Jaebum knew that either way, he was probably still recovering from his “excursion” the day before. After arriving back at the stables Jaebum had been greeted by a nearly frantic Yugyeom looking for his master, and he’d nearly had a heart attack when he saw the state of his prince. While they were debating what to do, Jinyoung had begun to stir, waking up just long enough to demand to be taken to his room.
Well, to be more accurate it had been a rather slurred version of “I want my bed” and Jaebum was sure it had been more dream talk than a conscious order. Either way, Yugyeom and Jaebum took it as a good enough excuse to sneak the prince in through the servant doors, narrowly escaping the attention of the guards and eventually making it to the prince’s quarters.
Yugyeom and Bambam took over from there, quickly shooing Jaebum out of their way.
When Jaebum had returned to his own place, the sun had long since set. As usual he lit his fire, settling down in front of it with a blanket, his notebook, a pen, and his harmonica. He had no expectations of composing anything new; it seemed his inspiration had long since fled these past few weeks, his mind much too preoccupied by a mess of conflicting ideas and emotions.
Preoccupied by a single person.
But tonight, he felt strangely calm. He’d tired himself out with all the overthinking and agonizing over his potential death. All that was left, was a resigned peace.
Slowly, he picked up his pen.
The words flowed as easily as the ink from his pen.
~~
There once was a little boy who lived in East with his family, which consisted of his mother, his father, and his younger brother, the most lovable little boy you could ever meet named Youngjae.
When this boy was seven years old, his father was conscripted to go off to war. At that time, they were being invaded. Their country was strong, and they were holding off well enough, but volunteers were no longer enough to sustain the army.
His father was happy to go. He was a proud man and he loved his country, but the only thing he that made him hesitant to leave, was his family.
But he went regardless. It wasn’t only a matter of pride, but of duty, and this little boy’s father was never one to shirk his duty. He had worries, especially since little Youngjae was only just born, but he went.
His mother was also a very strong woman. She loved her husband very, very much, and worried about him every night. But she was the best mother in existence, raising her two sons on her own to be the best men they could be one day.
Time flew. And six years later, finally, finally their father was coming home.
The war hadn’t ended, not quite yet, but they were getting close. The reason their father was returning early, however, was because he’d been injured. It had been severe and he’d never walk the same again, but he was alive.
That was all that mattered.
The day his father returned home, was the happiest day of their lives. The little boy was no longer so little, but thirteen, and already taking on the responsibilities as the man of the household. Youngjae was now six and possessed a heart of gold, composed of curiosity and innocence and love.
Their mother, however, had also changed. She was older, more worn. She no longer was quite so beautiful, quite so youthful.
But as their father swept all of them up in his arms, he’d whispered in her ear, loud enough for the little boy to hear:
She was stunning, forever the brightest star in his sky.
Life had fallen back into its normal pattern soon after, except now all the pieces were present and the picture whole. It was hard, sometimes, when his father woke the whole house with his screams from nightmares about the war. It was absolutely devastating when his father found out he could no longer work in the fields like he used to.
But they were together, and they worked through it.
Those were the happiest five years of his life.
When they came, there was no warning. There were no alarms, no bells, no screams of warning until it was much too late.
They came by night and burned the entire village down. It was a raid. It was meant to provoke, a petty act of vengeance to soothe wounded prides.
People say the smoke turned red from the blood of men, women, and innocent children alike. That the screams the tore the air already resembled ghosts rather than humans.
The boy only heard these things afterwards, long long afterwards. His father and he had been out traveling, visiting a neighboring village to trade some of their vegetables.
His father had bought a beautiful blue scarf for his mother, and the boy had bought a small wooden horse, an intricately carved figurine, for Youngjae.
But there was no one to give them to when they returned, only ash, ash, and more ash.
Nothing left, not even a keepsake to bury instead of a body.
His father lost it. The destruction and havoc that had been wreaked on their village brought back too many memories, memories he’d kept so firmly locked up in a corner of his mind but grief and anguish now unlocked. The boy did his best to take care of him, to comfort him, but how much comfort could he provide when he too felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest?
He would never see his mother’s beautiful smile, hear her gentle voice, stare into her loving eyes.
Youngjae had her eyes.
One morning, the boy woke up and his father was gone. He searched for him, for months, but even from the beginning he knew he would never be found again.
The boy was now no longer a boy, but a man, but he was no better than a boy.
He was lost, and alone.
So utterly alone.
For a year he was consumed by his grief, and that year he didn’t recall much of. He’d stayed at the village, helping to rebuild with the few survivors left. He had nowhere else to go, after all.
But the memories came to be too much. One by one the survivors slowly began to leave, realizing that sometimes, leaving behind the past completely was the only way to move forward.
He didn’t know exactly what it was that finally snapped him out of his daze, but whatever it was, that period of his life was over. He believed it would always be there, a wound that would never heal completely, but time would tell.
He remembered a friend his father had often mentioned, a fellow soldier who lived in Central. It took quite a bit of effort, but he found him. Hearing what had happened, the man was kind enough to give him a job in his smithery, where he stayed for another year.
It wasn’t really his thing, but he had no other purpose. He lived day to day, with no goals, no pleasure, no sense of accomplishment.
He had felt no desire for anything, no wants, until he saw the posting for a new stable boy.
He suddenly remembered what it was like, to work with horses. They originally owned two, a stubborn old mare and a laidback stallion.
For the first time in too long, he wanted something.
For the first time in too long, he was content.
So when his routine had been shattered, he’d been annoyed. He already carried with him too many burdens, too many preconceived notions. Like his father, he was prideful, but unlike his father, he was not yet mature. He let his emotions rule his actions.
And yet somehow, this other boy, this prince that was supposed to be pampered beyond belief and haughty and cold, was slowly breaking down his barriers. And it infuriated him, because it suggested he was wrong, that he was weak.
But more than anything he was scared. Scared of becoming attached to something he shouldn’t, something that would never belong to him and could be taken away with a single notice.
So he let his inner demons spew poison from his mouth, and let the festering from his old wounds spread to another. His insecurities, his anger, his guilt and misplaced blame.
His regret.
But the thing about this story, was that it did not yet have an ending.
He was a man now, but he still felt like a boy, lost and searching for guidance.
What was the correct resolution?
He remembered his father’s boisterous laugh, his mother’s eyes, his brother’s heart of gold.
He wanted to make another person smile.
~~
This time, Jaebum wasn’t caught off his guard. He didn’t even need to look up to recognize the light footsteps approaching him from behind, the familiar crunch of hay as a weight sank down onto it.
He heard the familiar draw of breath, ready to ask that one familiar question.
But Jaebum beat him to it.
“Let me tell you a story.”
one | part two