"Interim (3/7) - Hobbs/OFC, Hobbs/Raydor Fic
Title: Interim (3/7)
Co-Author: sharon_ray
Pairings: Hobbs/OFC, Hobbs/Raydor
Rating: R
Word Count: 3, 553
Disclaimer: Not our characters or television show.
A/N: Fic takes place during the events of Major Crimes, though we have taken some liberties with the timeline. Fic is complete and will be updated weekly.
Summary: Andrea Hobbs finds herself at a crossroads in her personal life. Caught between the frustrating standstill of her present reality and the exciting allure of a new life, she’s forced to navigate through her conflicting emotions while also handling the most important case of her career.
On ff.net, Ch. 1, Ch.2,
*graphic and screencaps are my own please do not repost*
Andrea stood in Sharon’s office, visibly uncomfortable. Images of Sharon in her black satin evening gown danced through her mind as she watched the older woman sort through more files on the same messy desk she’d seen so many times before. It was unlike Sharon to be so unorganized lately and Andrea found herself annoyed by it.
“Good morning, Counselor,” Sharon hummed without looking up at the blonde, “have a seat.”
Andrea complied quietly and looked out the window, waiting for Sharon to brief her on the day’s case. She was exhausted; Hilary had never come to bed last night and as a result she had hardly slept at all. She batted her eyelashes in quick succession to push the sleep that was threatening to overtake her in the silent office back then refocused her eyes on Sharon.
“Good morning, Captain. Sorry, I guess I’m a little tired,” she muttered half-heartedly.
“I can imagine.” Sharon smirked knowingly. She could only imagine the things Hilary and Andrea had done to celebrate after they’d returned home from the museum. With a woman like Andrea, her partner would be stupid not to celebrate in every way she could, Sharon thought to herself bitterly. “Did you and Hilary stay very late? It seemed like it was going to be quite the party last night. You must be so proud of her and everything that she’s accomplished.”
“Oh, uh, yes,” Andrea’s voice caught in her throat. She didn’t want to talk about the sad state that her relationship with her partner was in. She wanted to talk about the case. “We didn’t stay too late. I knew I’d have to be here first thing this morning, and the thing about running a museum is that you never really stop working,” Andrea did her best to smile, “Hilary was up this morning at 5:00 am on a call to Paris. Her hours are insane.”
Sharon paused as she tried to imagine Andrea’s life at home; what it must look like to have her tucked away in bed with Hilary running around the house, iPhone permanently screwed into her ear. Did she speak foreign languages when she was on the phone? Did Andrea understand her? Did they travel together? How often did they go out of the country? Sharon sighed quietly as she painted the exotic portrait that was Andrea Hobbs’ life in her head. It was a very different portrait than the one she had painted so many nights before, lying awake in her own bed when her mind turned to the DDA as sleep eluded her time and time again.
“I can imagine they are, but it must suit you well. Your hours aren’t exactly standard office hours Andrea,” Sharon laughed, then covered her mouth. “I’m sorry, DDA Hobbs.” She hadn’t ever called Andrea by her first name before. She wasn’t sure she had the right to.
“Andrea is fine, Captain Raydor. Truth be told, you’re the only higher ranking officer who sticks to the formality of calling me DDA Hobbs when we’re alone,” Andrea smiled weakly, nausea washing over her at the sound her first name on Sharon’s lips.
Sharon smiled at her, a little sadly. “Well, I’m sorry for that then. You have a beautiful name, it deserves to be said more often,” she said with what she hoped was an encouraging wink. “And please, while we’re on the topic of shedding formalities, call me Sharon when we’re alone. Or whenever I happen to bump into you and your lovely partner.”
Andrea swallowed hard. It seemed the only adjective Sharon could find to describe Hilary was ‘lovely.’ It made Andrea slightly sick to her stomach to hear someone else refer to Hilary as lovely when she, Hilary’s partner, could barely describe her as such lately.
“I… I’m glad you had a good time last night. I hadn’t realized Gavin was inviting you. Not that I mind, it was… it was wonderful to see you, really. It’s nice to see familiar faces at those things...” Andrea trailed off, nervous about divulging too much of her private life to Sharon.
“Oh, do you not know many people at them? I would have thought... Hilary made it sound as though you two had been together for quite some time,” Sharon said, sounding surprised.
“We’ve been together for three years. I just... socializing with that sort of crowd isn’t... I hate those parties,” Andrea laughed, folding her hands in her lap. “I love art well enough, but I’ve always felt that the appreciation of art should be a more individual experience; I’m not one for the large, sometimes pretentious crowds that those sorts of exhibits tend to attract. And a part of her job is to entertain those crowds…so…” Andrea trailed off with a shrug.
Sharon nodded her head in understanding, a genuine smile crossing her lips. “I get that...” she mused, “I go alone to the museum most weekends or evenings when Rusty is otherwise occupied. I love getting lost in the galleries. I swear I feel like there’s a new piece of art I’ve never seen every time I go. I guess I have Hilary to thank for that.”
Andrea nodded, “Yes, she’s very good at her job. She has a passion for it. I can’t imagine her doing anything else...” Andrea looked out the window, wishing this conversation could end.
There was a time when her partner was all that she wanted to discuss with any willing participant, but lately the woman was a sore subject. After their fight last night, she wanted all things Hilary-related to stay the furthest thing from her mind. Yet, here she was, sitting with Sharon, discussing her at length. Andrea had to laugh at the irony. If Sharon hadn’t shown up last night, Andrea probably could have taken Hilary home last night, pretended everything was fine, and maybe even manage to make love to her. It was the sight of Sharon that had thrown her off and fueled the doubt that had been lingering in the back of her mind; when Sharon walked up to her and Gavin, her stomach had done flip-flops. If Sharon hadn’t been there, she probably could’ve preserved that feeling of pride and desire she’d managed to kindle in their bedroom before they’d left for the museum. Yet, Sharon had shown up and continued her slow, methodical destruction of Andrea’s love life, one tight fitting dress at a time.
Andrea looked down at her wristwatch and sighed, “Well, it’s nearly 9:00 am. I suppose we should get a move on with these suspects, and then at some point of today we need to discuss Rusty’s case,” she said, hoping that the somewhat abrupt change in conversation wouldn’t come off as rude.
“I need you to make sure he’s aware of all the dates he is required to appear in court and testify.” She said the second half of her statement a little more gently, knowing it was a topic Sharon had been avoiding like the plague. Still, the trial was coming up in a week’s time and Andrea needed Sharon to be up to speed and fully prepared for what was going to happen in the courtroom, whether she wanted to be or not.
“Yes, of course,” Sharon sighed as she hardened her gaze and straightened her posture to face the day’s work.
***
Gavin parked his car outside the El Cholo restaurant, just a couple miles from the courthouse. Mexican was one of Andrea’s favourites and he figured she could use a lunch lined with libations.
“Margaritas? We’ll keep it to just one, since we’re both on the clock still.” He smiled at his best friend as he opened the driver’s side door of his black Mercedes Benz.
Andrea rolled her eyes as she got out of the car and shut the door, following him into the restaurant. She wasn’t sure she was ready to tell him everything she was about to, but Gavin had a way of getting the truth out of her even when she wasn’t prepared to face it herself. Usually it did involve margaritas, but it wasn’t typically at one in the afternoon, nor was it on a weekday when she had to be back in the office. But, they were in a time crunch and she’d take what time she could get with him. Besides, she really needed to apply for that position in his office before Hilary took her head off. Although, with as little attention as Hilary paid her lately except to go to bed with her, she wasn’t sure Hilary would even notice if she switched jobs. Still, it was worth the effort to try.
Andrea and Gavin were seated quickly in a quiet booth with two organic margaritas and their lunch orders on the way. With only ninety minutes for lunch, Gavin wasn’t willing to waste any time getting to Andrea’s story. “So, what’s the deal kid? What’s going on with you?” he asked seriously, raising an eyebrow at Andrea as he quizzed her.
“Oh God, where do I start?” Andrea laughed darkly, leaning back in the booth. She blew her hair out of her face and rested her chin in her hands, trying to find a way to tell him that her life was falling apart around her in a way that didn’t sound melodramatic and wasn’t going to take four hours. “I... I don’t know, Gavin. I think it’s me. Maybe I’m going through my mid life crisis?”
Gavin regarded her carefully. He’d noticed lately that she’d been distant, almost to the point of being cold. “Why don’t we start with that bit of awkwardness when you were introducing Hilary to Sharon,” he said.
Andrea felt the blood drain from her face at the mention of Sharon. Of course he went there first. “I... don’t like mixing my personal and my professional life, Gavin, you know that,” she muttered defensively, “Sharon is a hard woman to get along with, anyway. I never know what to do with her. She’s just.....awkward. She’s hard to deal with.” Andrea avoided making eye contact with Gavin, hoping he wouldn’t see through the load of lies she’d just dumped on him. As their margaritas arrived she took a long sip of hers and stared at the back wall, her discomfort painfully obvious in her facial expression.
“Honey, you know that you can tell me anything, and I won’t ever judge you right?” Gavin asked quietly. “Why don’t we make a promise, that whatever is said here today doesn’t leave this lunch, hmm?”
Andrea stared at him over her margarita, her lips pursed. Finally, she nodded. Gavin could tell from the way she was gripping the stem of her glass that she was deeply uncomfortable.
“I....I cannot get her out of my head, Gavin. I don’t know why... It’s like one day I woke up and Hilary was all wrong, but Sharon was everything that was right, and it makes me sick.”
Andrea’s emotionless expression did not match her admission. Gavin frowned as he watched her take another sip of her drink, wondering what was really going on in his best friend’s head. “Andrea... honey. How long have you been feeling like this? I mean, I know you’ve been having some problems with Hil lately with the hours you’re both working and whatnot... do you think it’s just because you two haven’t been getting along? Is Sharon just a distraction?”
“I don’t know,” she said quietly. “All I know is that the further apart that Hilary and I are drifting, the more I am craving Sharon’s presence. I....” she faltered.
“Go on,” Gavin said encouragingly.
“The other morning, Hilary and I we...we were making love,” she took a deep breath, “and it was the first time in a while. And, I couldn’t....I was having trouble enjoying myself. And...Sharon just invaded my mind. And...” she trailed off, too embarrassed and horrified to finish her sentence.
“I see,” Gavin said quietly, rubbing his chin as he thought, “and you and Sharon don’t talk outside of work or anything, do you? This is totally... not provoked by her suddenly being everywhere in your life at once?”
Andrea shook her head and closed her eyes, feeling overwhelmed by the fact that this was all finally being said out loud to someone else.
“Well... Sharon aside, what do you want to do about Hilary? Do you want to try to fix things with her and see if this little Sharon Raydor fantasy goes away? Or do you think that Sharon isn’t just a symptom?” Gavin sipped his margarita, waiting for her to answer.
“I... I don’t know. When I met Hilary... hell, until very recently, I thought that she was the one, Gavin. I feel so completely blindsided by all of this. I really was so convinced the she... I just, I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m doing,” Andrea sighed, “I think I need to change jobs. I think my hours really are causing a lot of the problems. Hilary has been going out four nights out of seven without me, and I can’t say I blame her anymore. If I was around more, maybe we could act like a real couple. I know she’s busy too, but I could at least attend her work functions with her, you know?”
“Yes, but you hate her work functions,” Gavin said pointedly, “which may hold a deeper meaning, Andrea.”
Andrea slumped against the booth and poked at her plate of food, her appetite completely nonexistent. She put a small bite of food in her mouth and forced herself to swallow, but felt sick at the sensation and set her fork down. Did Gavin have a point? Were she and Hilary really just incompatible?
“You mentioned it was the first time in a while that you two had been intimate. What’s a while?” he prompted gently.
“Weeks,” Andrea sighed, “maybe a couple months. We’re both busy. And tired, Gavin. We both work sixty-hour weeks, that little if we’re lucky. Who has time for sex?” She knew she was being defensive. The truth was, until this past year of their relationship, she and Hilary had always had an active sex life.
“And it’s not like she doesn’t make an effort to initiate sex, it’s just, I can’t enjoy it if we’re fighting, or agitated with one another,” she admitted. “And then when I say that I’m tired, or not in the mood, she takes it personally and we end up bickering even more. And it bothers me that lately, she’s only ever interested in me if she’s in the mood. She’s distant at home, always wrapped up in a conversation with a client or a new artist, and that takes away from the emotional intimacy we once had, and I need that to be physically intimate with her. I can’t just hop into bed with her and pretend like everything’s fine when it isn’t. And lately we’re having more bad days than good days, so...” she trailed off and bit her lip to prevent her emotions from getting the best of her.
“I see,” Gavin said carefully, reaching across the table to hold Andrea’s hand, “honey... have you considered that things maybe... what do you want to do about this? You know that isn’t healthy. You’ve been there before, Andrea.”
Andrea hung her head, thankful that Gavin hadn’t said what he’d intended to. “I know that it isn’t. I feel like we need to talk about things, but there isn’t any point to that until I’ve done something to change my own attitude first. What do I need to have prepared in order to apply for that position in your office?”
Gavin sighed; changing jobs was not going to fix this problem, especially if Andrea was in love, or in the middle of falling in love, with someone else. Still, Sharon could just be a symptom. It could be that Andrea was in love with the idea of another woman, or of freedom and dating again, rather than Sharon herself as an individual. If things were going south with Hilary as quickly as it sounded like they were, that scenario was far more likely than Andrea having any real interest in Sharon the unique woman; or so Gavin hoped for Andrea’s sake.
It wasn’t that he thought Sharon and Andrea would be bad together; in fact, the more thought he gave it, the more he realized they were kind of perfect for one another. They were both homebodies with a propensity for cuddling, they both loved to spend time in the kitchen. They both loved to dance, and watch independent films, and discuss politics. They both worked for the justice system, were raised in similar families, had an interest in art but hated the pretentious crowds of the art world, they both had a weakness for bad music. Gavin felt the weight of how well Andrea and Sharon fit together hit him like a ton of bricks. He could only imagine how much worse it had to feel for Andrea, if that was the realization she had recently had as well. Perhaps Andrea’s attraction to Sharon wasn’t generic or misplaced at all, but completely inevitable.
As much as he delighted in the fact that Andrea had found Hilary when she did, he had always thought they were a bit of an odd couple. He rather enjoyed Hilary, but she was outside of Andrea’s usual realm of women. Andrea didn’t usually date women as... prissy as Hilary was. Yes, Andrea was cultured and had an eye for luxury, but she wasn’t a snob, which Hilary could sometimes be. She was lovely, but different, not exactly who he would have picked out for Andrea if he were being totally honest. He had his initial doubts, but learned to quell them through the years. Now, as he sat through this lunch and watched Andrea’s tearful expression as she admitted her heartbreak, they all came crashing down on his head again. No, Hilary really was not the woman for his best friend, but maybe Sharon Raydor was.
Finally, he let out a sigh. “If you want to apply to my office I will gladly put it a good word for you. Just keep a lunch date open for sometime next week incase Mark wants to meet with you for an interview. But, I will do this on one condition; my condition is that you seriously evaluate your relationship with Hilary. Don’t accept that this job change is going to be the solution, because I can tell you honestly that I think it’s much deeper than that. I think that you and Hil need to sit down and talk about what you both want out of this relationship, and you need to make sure your wants still align with each other.”
Andrea nodded her agreement as she finished her margarita. “I know, and we will. But I can’t help but feel like something... anything in my life needs to change. The job is a good start, regardless of what happens with Hilary. I need something different. And I think that I need to get away from Sharon for a bit.”
Gavin glanced at his watch and sighed. He hated to take an emotionally charged Andrea back to her office, but they were running out of time. “I think that’s a good idea as well, yes... but there are ways to get away from Sharon without leaving a job you love, Andrea. You don’t like private law, sweetheart. You know that. You’re going to be dealing with a lot of divorces in my office; you’re going to be bored. You’re going to be pushing property cases, not saving the world. What’s my girl gonna do if she can’t save the world?” he asked seriously, squeezing her arm.
His heart broke for his dear friend as he watched her hastily wipe the tears that finally spilled from her eyelids. It had been frightening to see her so cold lately, but it was downright heartbreaking to see her finally break, too; he hated to see her so miserable, again. He’d been there five years ago when her previous partner cheated on her and Andrea felt like her world had come to an end. He hoped that this time Hilary really would be the one, for Andrea’s sake.
“I know... I’ll think about it, okay? I’m just going to put my resume in. Even if I don’t accept it, I need to apply. I need to feel... unstuck,” Andrea said seriously, wiping her eyes carefully this time to avoid messing up her mascara.
“I understand,” Gavin said softly. “Come on doll, let’s get you back to the office. No more crying today, okay?”
“No more crying.” Andrea smiled weakly as she stood up from the booth.
She took Gavin’s arm and allowed him to escort her from the restaurant. Telling him about her feelings had helped a little, but it was also terrifying. Now, they were real in a way they hadn’t been before; no longer could she brush them off as a figment of her overly active mind. They were up front, in her face, and she had to deal with them, before they consumed her.
Co-Author: sharon_ray
Pairings: Hobbs/OFC, Hobbs/Raydor
Rating: R
Word Count: 3, 553
Disclaimer: Not our characters or television show.
A/N: Fic takes place during the events of Major Crimes, though we have taken some liberties with the timeline. Fic is complete and will be updated weekly.
Summary: Andrea Hobbs finds herself at a crossroads in her personal life. Caught between the frustrating standstill of her present reality and the exciting allure of a new life, she’s forced to navigate through her conflicting emotions while also handling the most important case of her career.
On ff.net, Ch. 1, Ch.2,
*graphic and screencaps are my own please do not repost*
Andrea stood in Sharon’s office, visibly uncomfortable. Images of Sharon in her black satin evening gown danced through her mind as she watched the older woman sort through more files on the same messy desk she’d seen so many times before. It was unlike Sharon to be so unorganized lately and Andrea found herself annoyed by it.
“Good morning, Counselor,” Sharon hummed without looking up at the blonde, “have a seat.”
Andrea complied quietly and looked out the window, waiting for Sharon to brief her on the day’s case. She was exhausted; Hilary had never come to bed last night and as a result she had hardly slept at all. She batted her eyelashes in quick succession to push the sleep that was threatening to overtake her in the silent office back then refocused her eyes on Sharon.
“Good morning, Captain. Sorry, I guess I’m a little tired,” she muttered half-heartedly.
“I can imagine.” Sharon smirked knowingly. She could only imagine the things Hilary and Andrea had done to celebrate after they’d returned home from the museum. With a woman like Andrea, her partner would be stupid not to celebrate in every way she could, Sharon thought to herself bitterly. “Did you and Hilary stay very late? It seemed like it was going to be quite the party last night. You must be so proud of her and everything that she’s accomplished.”
“Oh, uh, yes,” Andrea’s voice caught in her throat. She didn’t want to talk about the sad state that her relationship with her partner was in. She wanted to talk about the case. “We didn’t stay too late. I knew I’d have to be here first thing this morning, and the thing about running a museum is that you never really stop working,” Andrea did her best to smile, “Hilary was up this morning at 5:00 am on a call to Paris. Her hours are insane.”
Sharon paused as she tried to imagine Andrea’s life at home; what it must look like to have her tucked away in bed with Hilary running around the house, iPhone permanently screwed into her ear. Did she speak foreign languages when she was on the phone? Did Andrea understand her? Did they travel together? How often did they go out of the country? Sharon sighed quietly as she painted the exotic portrait that was Andrea Hobbs’ life in her head. It was a very different portrait than the one she had painted so many nights before, lying awake in her own bed when her mind turned to the DDA as sleep eluded her time and time again.
“I can imagine they are, but it must suit you well. Your hours aren’t exactly standard office hours Andrea,” Sharon laughed, then covered her mouth. “I’m sorry, DDA Hobbs.” She hadn’t ever called Andrea by her first name before. She wasn’t sure she had the right to.
“Andrea is fine, Captain Raydor. Truth be told, you’re the only higher ranking officer who sticks to the formality of calling me DDA Hobbs when we’re alone,” Andrea smiled weakly, nausea washing over her at the sound her first name on Sharon’s lips.
Sharon smiled at her, a little sadly. “Well, I’m sorry for that then. You have a beautiful name, it deserves to be said more often,” she said with what she hoped was an encouraging wink. “And please, while we’re on the topic of shedding formalities, call me Sharon when we’re alone. Or whenever I happen to bump into you and your lovely partner.”
Andrea swallowed hard. It seemed the only adjective Sharon could find to describe Hilary was ‘lovely.’ It made Andrea slightly sick to her stomach to hear someone else refer to Hilary as lovely when she, Hilary’s partner, could barely describe her as such lately.
“I… I’m glad you had a good time last night. I hadn’t realized Gavin was inviting you. Not that I mind, it was… it was wonderful to see you, really. It’s nice to see familiar faces at those things...” Andrea trailed off, nervous about divulging too much of her private life to Sharon.
“Oh, do you not know many people at them? I would have thought... Hilary made it sound as though you two had been together for quite some time,” Sharon said, sounding surprised.
“We’ve been together for three years. I just... socializing with that sort of crowd isn’t... I hate those parties,” Andrea laughed, folding her hands in her lap. “I love art well enough, but I’ve always felt that the appreciation of art should be a more individual experience; I’m not one for the large, sometimes pretentious crowds that those sorts of exhibits tend to attract. And a part of her job is to entertain those crowds…so…” Andrea trailed off with a shrug.
Sharon nodded her head in understanding, a genuine smile crossing her lips. “I get that...” she mused, “I go alone to the museum most weekends or evenings when Rusty is otherwise occupied. I love getting lost in the galleries. I swear I feel like there’s a new piece of art I’ve never seen every time I go. I guess I have Hilary to thank for that.”
Andrea nodded, “Yes, she’s very good at her job. She has a passion for it. I can’t imagine her doing anything else...” Andrea looked out the window, wishing this conversation could end.
There was a time when her partner was all that she wanted to discuss with any willing participant, but lately the woman was a sore subject. After their fight last night, she wanted all things Hilary-related to stay the furthest thing from her mind. Yet, here she was, sitting with Sharon, discussing her at length. Andrea had to laugh at the irony. If Sharon hadn’t shown up last night, Andrea probably could have taken Hilary home last night, pretended everything was fine, and maybe even manage to make love to her. It was the sight of Sharon that had thrown her off and fueled the doubt that had been lingering in the back of her mind; when Sharon walked up to her and Gavin, her stomach had done flip-flops. If Sharon hadn’t been there, she probably could’ve preserved that feeling of pride and desire she’d managed to kindle in their bedroom before they’d left for the museum. Yet, Sharon had shown up and continued her slow, methodical destruction of Andrea’s love life, one tight fitting dress at a time.
Andrea looked down at her wristwatch and sighed, “Well, it’s nearly 9:00 am. I suppose we should get a move on with these suspects, and then at some point of today we need to discuss Rusty’s case,” she said, hoping that the somewhat abrupt change in conversation wouldn’t come off as rude.
“I need you to make sure he’s aware of all the dates he is required to appear in court and testify.” She said the second half of her statement a little more gently, knowing it was a topic Sharon had been avoiding like the plague. Still, the trial was coming up in a week’s time and Andrea needed Sharon to be up to speed and fully prepared for what was going to happen in the courtroom, whether she wanted to be or not.
“Yes, of course,” Sharon sighed as she hardened her gaze and straightened her posture to face the day’s work.
***
Gavin parked his car outside the El Cholo restaurant, just a couple miles from the courthouse. Mexican was one of Andrea’s favourites and he figured she could use a lunch lined with libations.
“Margaritas? We’ll keep it to just one, since we’re both on the clock still.” He smiled at his best friend as he opened the driver’s side door of his black Mercedes Benz.
Andrea rolled her eyes as she got out of the car and shut the door, following him into the restaurant. She wasn’t sure she was ready to tell him everything she was about to, but Gavin had a way of getting the truth out of her even when she wasn’t prepared to face it herself. Usually it did involve margaritas, but it wasn’t typically at one in the afternoon, nor was it on a weekday when she had to be back in the office. But, they were in a time crunch and she’d take what time she could get with him. Besides, she really needed to apply for that position in his office before Hilary took her head off. Although, with as little attention as Hilary paid her lately except to go to bed with her, she wasn’t sure Hilary would even notice if she switched jobs. Still, it was worth the effort to try.
Andrea and Gavin were seated quickly in a quiet booth with two organic margaritas and their lunch orders on the way. With only ninety minutes for lunch, Gavin wasn’t willing to waste any time getting to Andrea’s story. “So, what’s the deal kid? What’s going on with you?” he asked seriously, raising an eyebrow at Andrea as he quizzed her.
“Oh God, where do I start?” Andrea laughed darkly, leaning back in the booth. She blew her hair out of her face and rested her chin in her hands, trying to find a way to tell him that her life was falling apart around her in a way that didn’t sound melodramatic and wasn’t going to take four hours. “I... I don’t know, Gavin. I think it’s me. Maybe I’m going through my mid life crisis?”
Gavin regarded her carefully. He’d noticed lately that she’d been distant, almost to the point of being cold. “Why don’t we start with that bit of awkwardness when you were introducing Hilary to Sharon,” he said.
Andrea felt the blood drain from her face at the mention of Sharon. Of course he went there first. “I... don’t like mixing my personal and my professional life, Gavin, you know that,” she muttered defensively, “Sharon is a hard woman to get along with, anyway. I never know what to do with her. She’s just.....awkward. She’s hard to deal with.” Andrea avoided making eye contact with Gavin, hoping he wouldn’t see through the load of lies she’d just dumped on him. As their margaritas arrived she took a long sip of hers and stared at the back wall, her discomfort painfully obvious in her facial expression.
“Honey, you know that you can tell me anything, and I won’t ever judge you right?” Gavin asked quietly. “Why don’t we make a promise, that whatever is said here today doesn’t leave this lunch, hmm?”
Andrea stared at him over her margarita, her lips pursed. Finally, she nodded. Gavin could tell from the way she was gripping the stem of her glass that she was deeply uncomfortable.
“I....I cannot get her out of my head, Gavin. I don’t know why... It’s like one day I woke up and Hilary was all wrong, but Sharon was everything that was right, and it makes me sick.”
Andrea’s emotionless expression did not match her admission. Gavin frowned as he watched her take another sip of her drink, wondering what was really going on in his best friend’s head. “Andrea... honey. How long have you been feeling like this? I mean, I know you’ve been having some problems with Hil lately with the hours you’re both working and whatnot... do you think it’s just because you two haven’t been getting along? Is Sharon just a distraction?”
“I don’t know,” she said quietly. “All I know is that the further apart that Hilary and I are drifting, the more I am craving Sharon’s presence. I....” she faltered.
“Go on,” Gavin said encouragingly.
“The other morning, Hilary and I we...we were making love,” she took a deep breath, “and it was the first time in a while. And, I couldn’t....I was having trouble enjoying myself. And...Sharon just invaded my mind. And...” she trailed off, too embarrassed and horrified to finish her sentence.
“I see,” Gavin said quietly, rubbing his chin as he thought, “and you and Sharon don’t talk outside of work or anything, do you? This is totally... not provoked by her suddenly being everywhere in your life at once?”
Andrea shook her head and closed her eyes, feeling overwhelmed by the fact that this was all finally being said out loud to someone else.
“Well... Sharon aside, what do you want to do about Hilary? Do you want to try to fix things with her and see if this little Sharon Raydor fantasy goes away? Or do you think that Sharon isn’t just a symptom?” Gavin sipped his margarita, waiting for her to answer.
“I... I don’t know. When I met Hilary... hell, until very recently, I thought that she was the one, Gavin. I feel so completely blindsided by all of this. I really was so convinced the she... I just, I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m doing,” Andrea sighed, “I think I need to change jobs. I think my hours really are causing a lot of the problems. Hilary has been going out four nights out of seven without me, and I can’t say I blame her anymore. If I was around more, maybe we could act like a real couple. I know she’s busy too, but I could at least attend her work functions with her, you know?”
“Yes, but you hate her work functions,” Gavin said pointedly, “which may hold a deeper meaning, Andrea.”
Andrea slumped against the booth and poked at her plate of food, her appetite completely nonexistent. She put a small bite of food in her mouth and forced herself to swallow, but felt sick at the sensation and set her fork down. Did Gavin have a point? Were she and Hilary really just incompatible?
“You mentioned it was the first time in a while that you two had been intimate. What’s a while?” he prompted gently.
“Weeks,” Andrea sighed, “maybe a couple months. We’re both busy. And tired, Gavin. We both work sixty-hour weeks, that little if we’re lucky. Who has time for sex?” She knew she was being defensive. The truth was, until this past year of their relationship, she and Hilary had always had an active sex life.
“And it’s not like she doesn’t make an effort to initiate sex, it’s just, I can’t enjoy it if we’re fighting, or agitated with one another,” she admitted. “And then when I say that I’m tired, or not in the mood, she takes it personally and we end up bickering even more. And it bothers me that lately, she’s only ever interested in me if she’s in the mood. She’s distant at home, always wrapped up in a conversation with a client or a new artist, and that takes away from the emotional intimacy we once had, and I need that to be physically intimate with her. I can’t just hop into bed with her and pretend like everything’s fine when it isn’t. And lately we’re having more bad days than good days, so...” she trailed off and bit her lip to prevent her emotions from getting the best of her.
“I see,” Gavin said carefully, reaching across the table to hold Andrea’s hand, “honey... have you considered that things maybe... what do you want to do about this? You know that isn’t healthy. You’ve been there before, Andrea.”
Andrea hung her head, thankful that Gavin hadn’t said what he’d intended to. “I know that it isn’t. I feel like we need to talk about things, but there isn’t any point to that until I’ve done something to change my own attitude first. What do I need to have prepared in order to apply for that position in your office?”
Gavin sighed; changing jobs was not going to fix this problem, especially if Andrea was in love, or in the middle of falling in love, with someone else. Still, Sharon could just be a symptom. It could be that Andrea was in love with the idea of another woman, or of freedom and dating again, rather than Sharon herself as an individual. If things were going south with Hilary as quickly as it sounded like they were, that scenario was far more likely than Andrea having any real interest in Sharon the unique woman; or so Gavin hoped for Andrea’s sake.
It wasn’t that he thought Sharon and Andrea would be bad together; in fact, the more thought he gave it, the more he realized they were kind of perfect for one another. They were both homebodies with a propensity for cuddling, they both loved to spend time in the kitchen. They both loved to dance, and watch independent films, and discuss politics. They both worked for the justice system, were raised in similar families, had an interest in art but hated the pretentious crowds of the art world, they both had a weakness for bad music. Gavin felt the weight of how well Andrea and Sharon fit together hit him like a ton of bricks. He could only imagine how much worse it had to feel for Andrea, if that was the realization she had recently had as well. Perhaps Andrea’s attraction to Sharon wasn’t generic or misplaced at all, but completely inevitable.
As much as he delighted in the fact that Andrea had found Hilary when she did, he had always thought they were a bit of an odd couple. He rather enjoyed Hilary, but she was outside of Andrea’s usual realm of women. Andrea didn’t usually date women as... prissy as Hilary was. Yes, Andrea was cultured and had an eye for luxury, but she wasn’t a snob, which Hilary could sometimes be. She was lovely, but different, not exactly who he would have picked out for Andrea if he were being totally honest. He had his initial doubts, but learned to quell them through the years. Now, as he sat through this lunch and watched Andrea’s tearful expression as she admitted her heartbreak, they all came crashing down on his head again. No, Hilary really was not the woman for his best friend, but maybe Sharon Raydor was.
Finally, he let out a sigh. “If you want to apply to my office I will gladly put it a good word for you. Just keep a lunch date open for sometime next week incase Mark wants to meet with you for an interview. But, I will do this on one condition; my condition is that you seriously evaluate your relationship with Hilary. Don’t accept that this job change is going to be the solution, because I can tell you honestly that I think it’s much deeper than that. I think that you and Hil need to sit down and talk about what you both want out of this relationship, and you need to make sure your wants still align with each other.”
Andrea nodded her agreement as she finished her margarita. “I know, and we will. But I can’t help but feel like something... anything in my life needs to change. The job is a good start, regardless of what happens with Hilary. I need something different. And I think that I need to get away from Sharon for a bit.”
Gavin glanced at his watch and sighed. He hated to take an emotionally charged Andrea back to her office, but they were running out of time. “I think that’s a good idea as well, yes... but there are ways to get away from Sharon without leaving a job you love, Andrea. You don’t like private law, sweetheart. You know that. You’re going to be dealing with a lot of divorces in my office; you’re going to be bored. You’re going to be pushing property cases, not saving the world. What’s my girl gonna do if she can’t save the world?” he asked seriously, squeezing her arm.
His heart broke for his dear friend as he watched her hastily wipe the tears that finally spilled from her eyelids. It had been frightening to see her so cold lately, but it was downright heartbreaking to see her finally break, too; he hated to see her so miserable, again. He’d been there five years ago when her previous partner cheated on her and Andrea felt like her world had come to an end. He hoped that this time Hilary really would be the one, for Andrea’s sake.
“I know... I’ll think about it, okay? I’m just going to put my resume in. Even if I don’t accept it, I need to apply. I need to feel... unstuck,” Andrea said seriously, wiping her eyes carefully this time to avoid messing up her mascara.
“I understand,” Gavin said softly. “Come on doll, let’s get you back to the office. No more crying today, okay?”
“No more crying.” Andrea smiled weakly as she stood up from the booth.
She took Gavin’s arm and allowed him to escort her from the restaurant. Telling him about her feelings had helped a little, but it was also terrifying. Now, they were real in a way they hadn’t been before; no longer could she brush them off as a figment of her overly active mind. They were up front, in her face, and she had to deal with them, before they consumed her.