In loving memory - happy new year 2012
You watch him, asleep, head drooping so much so you know that in a few hours you will hear him complaining about a neck-ache.
You smile indulgently.
Then you catch yourself.
No more.
No more indulgent smiles.
No more looking his way.
(So there is) no more heartache.
No more heartbreak.
You look up, anticipating the pilot announcing over the system that you will soon be arriving in Japan.
“Dear ladies and gentlemen, if you turn to your left, in 30 seconds, you will be able to see the New Year’s Eve fireworks above the city.”
By luck, you happen to be seated at the window seat on the left.
You turn to the rest, and those who are awake smile at you.
Internally, you count down…
Twenty-five…
Tired smiles - after all, it has been months of promotions and only more months of promotions to look forward to in this new year.
Twenty…
Nineteen…
But you are all happy to be spending this new year, this way, with each other. Not the best of ways to herald in the new year, but it doesn’t really matter…
Him and another remain asleep and the three of you, sleepily awake, but awake nonetheless, do not wake them up. Each has his own way of welcoming the new year…
Twelve…
Not selfish. Just understanding.
Eight…
You tense a little, peering out of the window, your nose almost rubbing against the window.
Five…
You wonder how big the fireworks will be from up here…
Three…
You worry you may have missed it…
Two…
One and a half…
One…
Then, as though on cue, you see a red and green streak light up before you…
“On behalf of all the crew on board, I wish you a happy new year…”
You exchange tired but content smiles with the other two, as soft applause sounds from around you. The other two remain asleep. And his head lolls in the opposite direction…
“Happy new year.” You say softly to the rest.
Then you turn to look back out of the window.
You aren’t sure if it is because you miss your family, your life back then, if this just isn’t the ideal way you would like to celebrate the new year, or simply because he is next to you but you can’t… you can’t anymore…
“Happy new year…” You whisper softly against the window, as you feel the tears welling up, to no one in particular…
But you know, not so deep down inside, that it is not to no one in particular.
“Happy new year…” You whisper again, as you feel the stinging tears roll down your eyes.
And stubbornly, you brush them away with your sleeve before anyone catches sight of them.
Jonghyun…
-
“I’ll remember you.” He said so gently, you feel yourself caving.
“I’ll always remember this.”
But you wake up from this sticky, poisonously-enticing dream.
This is like those war memorials. All in remembrance. All in loving memory.
Loving memory.
How ironic.
Maybe this isn’t a suitable analogy. Since there is no love involved.
But the question remains the same.
In remembrance.
In memory.
Forever carved in your minds.
But who bothered to claim the bodies, the hearts of those who lay, mortally injured, dying, in that cruel battlefield that is love?
Who thought of keeping them safe?
Giving them a place to rest? Forever? Even for awhile?
They just leave you there to perish and then go home to construct meaningless monuments to “remember you by”.
In (un)loving memory?
No thanks.
-
You remember singing…
Make up.
Shake up.
Break up.
Except, this is a break up which isn’t even a breakup.
A unilateral breakup, if there is even such a thing.
A breakup of nothing.
Nothing existed for anything to end.
-
And you wish him happy new year 2012, as you say goodbye to him forever.
web counter
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done on the plane again, inspiration: the end of a phase in my life. =) i kinda combined a few ideas i had in mind. its been ages since i wrote jongkey. i know i have my happy jongkey outstanding and i promise to get it done asap once i have inspiration! >.<
i counted down to 2012 on an airplane, flying over dubai. no more heartache in 2012. =) (hopefully no more angst/sad!key. =) though this doesn't mean no angst guise. =p) once again, comments would be greatly appreciated!
You smile indulgently.
Then you catch yourself.
No more.
No more indulgent smiles.
No more looking his way.
(So there is) no more heartache.
No more heartbreak.
You look up, anticipating the pilot announcing over the system that you will soon be arriving in Japan.
“Dear ladies and gentlemen, if you turn to your left, in 30 seconds, you will be able to see the New Year’s Eve fireworks above the city.”
By luck, you happen to be seated at the window seat on the left.
You turn to the rest, and those who are awake smile at you.
Internally, you count down…
Twenty-five…
Tired smiles - after all, it has been months of promotions and only more months of promotions to look forward to in this new year.
Twenty…
Nineteen…
But you are all happy to be spending this new year, this way, with each other. Not the best of ways to herald in the new year, but it doesn’t really matter…
Him and another remain asleep and the three of you, sleepily awake, but awake nonetheless, do not wake them up. Each has his own way of welcoming the new year…
Twelve…
Not selfish. Just understanding.
Eight…
You tense a little, peering out of the window, your nose almost rubbing against the window.
Five…
You wonder how big the fireworks will be from up here…
Three…
You worry you may have missed it…
Two…
One and a half…
One…
Then, as though on cue, you see a red and green streak light up before you…
“On behalf of all the crew on board, I wish you a happy new year…”
You exchange tired but content smiles with the other two, as soft applause sounds from around you. The other two remain asleep. And his head lolls in the opposite direction…
“Happy new year.” You say softly to the rest.
Then you turn to look back out of the window.
You aren’t sure if it is because you miss your family, your life back then, if this just isn’t the ideal way you would like to celebrate the new year, or simply because he is next to you but you can’t… you can’t anymore…
“Happy new year…” You whisper softly against the window, as you feel the tears welling up, to no one in particular…
But you know, not so deep down inside, that it is not to no one in particular.
“Happy new year…” You whisper again, as you feel the stinging tears roll down your eyes.
And stubbornly, you brush them away with your sleeve before anyone catches sight of them.
Jonghyun…
-
“I’ll remember you.” He said so gently, you feel yourself caving.
“I’ll always remember this.”
But you wake up from this sticky, poisonously-enticing dream.
This is like those war memorials. All in remembrance. All in loving memory.
Loving memory.
How ironic.
Maybe this isn’t a suitable analogy. Since there is no love involved.
But the question remains the same.
In remembrance.
In memory.
Forever carved in your minds.
But who bothered to claim the bodies, the hearts of those who lay, mortally injured, dying, in that cruel battlefield that is love?
Who thought of keeping them safe?
Giving them a place to rest? Forever? Even for awhile?
They just leave you there to perish and then go home to construct meaningless monuments to “remember you by”.
In (un)loving memory?
No thanks.
-
You remember singing…
Make up.
Shake up.
Break up.
Except, this is a break up which isn’t even a breakup.
A unilateral breakup, if there is even such a thing.
A breakup of nothing.
Nothing existed for anything to end.
-
And you wish him happy new year 2012, as you say goodbye to him forever.
web counter
-
done on the plane again, inspiration: the end of a phase in my life. =) i kinda combined a few ideas i had in mind. its been ages since i wrote jongkey. i know i have my happy jongkey outstanding and i promise to get it done asap once i have inspiration! >.<
i counted down to 2012 on an airplane, flying over dubai. no more heartache in 2012. =) (hopefully no more angst/sad!key. =) though this doesn't mean no angst guise. =p) once again, comments would be greatly appreciated!