these feelings consume me...
Two weeks and one day later, I'm crying again. I went the last two days "being strong" and not breaking down at the thought of losing him. It's progress I tell myself. It'll get each easier each day, but instead it feels like the gap gets bigger. He filled the void that was in my life for so long. He gave me purpose and now I don't know what I'm going to do without him. I'm really scared of what's going to happen if I step on that plane and leave thinking that change could serve me well, but the truth is I'm absolutely terrified of starting over. I guess I always get comfortable with resuming what's been going on in my life the last decade I was here in Halifax. I was heartbroken before, but it didn't feel quite like this. Some memories are better left forgotten and I must have because I do not remember it hurting this much. My heart aches and throbs just thinking about it.
Tuesday, December 4th...Dark Knight Rises came out on DvD and I had quite an episode at work. Of all days to be scheduled on cash too. At first, I was being a big girl about it, but after the 20th or so person purchasing Dark Knight rises, it just triggers an astronomical amount of emotions and the last good memory I shared with him when we went to see it. I completely unraveled before my coworkers and asked to be taken off cash. I could not just stand there for 8 hours ringing in Dark Knight Rises after Dark Knight Rises, the constant reminder was enough to kill me. I got myself together afterwards, patrolling the floor to help customers just to ease my mind 'til my shift was over.
It's been a week since I last saw him and we had our last talk for closure. It was a bittersweet experience. I can't imagine never having his presence around anymore, so I thought holding him one last time in my bed would be enough for me to let him go, only it made me cling onto him tighter and I didn't want our moment to end. I feel like I should write more about this, but I know the memory will never fade, only age with time.
If 12/21/12 truly marks the end of the world, it wouldn't be any different than what's left of my world now.
Tuesday, December 4th...Dark Knight Rises came out on DvD and I had quite an episode at work. Of all days to be scheduled on cash too. At first, I was being a big girl about it, but after the 20th or so person purchasing Dark Knight rises, it just triggers an astronomical amount of emotions and the last good memory I shared with him when we went to see it. I completely unraveled before my coworkers and asked to be taken off cash. I could not just stand there for 8 hours ringing in Dark Knight Rises after Dark Knight Rises, the constant reminder was enough to kill me. I got myself together afterwards, patrolling the floor to help customers just to ease my mind 'til my shift was over.
It's been a week since I last saw him and we had our last talk for closure. It was a bittersweet experience. I can't imagine never having his presence around anymore, so I thought holding him one last time in my bed would be enough for me to let him go, only it made me cling onto him tighter and I didn't want our moment to end. I feel like I should write more about this, but I know the memory will never fade, only age with time.
If 12/21/12 truly marks the end of the world, it wouldn't be any different than what's left of my world now.