Taking Back Sunday -- Chapter 6
[Title] Taking Back Sunday
[Author] dejectedmadness
[Rating] Eventually NC-17. This chapter… PG-13 for boykissing/light touching.
[Chapter Listing] .:1:. .:2:. .:3:. .:4:. .:5:. 6/?
[Disclaimer] I am posting fanFICTION. Neither the characters nor the ideas belong to me, just the plot specific to this story. No profit is being made off of this fiction, it is being written solely for my entertainment and for the entertainment of others as warped as I am. Don't sue.
[Band/Pairing]Brand New/Straylight Run, Jesse Lacey/Brian Lane, Jesse Lacey/John Nolan
[Summary] Jesse makes a new friend about whom John is not particularly fond for reasons as yet only speculated upon.
[X-Posted] rockinthebed, slashypunkboys, _brand_new_love, lacey_loves_jno
[Author’s Notes] This isn’t intended to be particularly AU, although it is a high school fic, and it has some anachronistic tendencies.
This one is much better than the last one. Much more important in terms of plot, and much more interesting, I think. Maybe because I decided to sit down and figure out where the hell this was was going. Also, it was done by the time the last one was posted. So yeah, comments would be great! And thanks to everyone who has commented so far and my lovely beta moshimoshix3!!!
When Jesse was immersed again in the loud clanging of lockers, high pitched giggling freshmen girls, deep taunting guffaws of thick-skulled jocks, pop and crackle of the PA system in the monotonous, uniform halls of his high school, Jesse felt like maybe he’d just woken up from a dream. He’d spent Friday, Saturday and Sunday night with Brian, and some of the time it felt like regular, like usual, like how they always were before… well… before. But then the breathy kisses, the tentative caresses, the whispers, the moans, it all felt somehow misplaced, like he had mistaken a wonderful dream for reality and was only now realizing that it didn’t quite fit into place. Jesse didn’t think he’d lost his mind, although a part of him considered that that was what all crazy people thought, but the intimate moments he’d shared with Brian interspersed with all of their friendly encounters from the past weekend left him feeling slightly uneasy. Now he was reunited with the outside world, the sane world, where best friends don’t make out and grope one another, and it felt like maybe he had allowed his perverse imagination to confuse him. He didn’t belong in this regular, ordinary world when something so surreal had just happened to him, had been happening to him all weekend. He felt somehow out of place, here, now.
“Hey,” a voice said, startling Jesse from his musings. He looked up at John, whose face was pleased to see him, but at Jesse’s obvious intent expression of thought, grew grave. “What’s wrong?”
Jesse smiled softly. “Nothing. Just tired. How’s it going?”
John shrugged. “I’m kind of glad it’s not the weekend anymore,” he confessed.
Jesse smiled more brightly. “Got sick of your sister’s dolls?”
John shrugged and nodded. “So what did you and Brian end up doing?”
Jesse was a little shocked at John’s voluntary use of the other boy’s name, but he tried not to let it show. However, he wasn’t so adept at keeping the blush from his cheeks while remembering everything they’d been up to that weekend. It took him a little longer than he would have liked to come up with an appropriate answer. Apparently, it was a little longer than John liked too. “Uh, nothing. We just… you know… watched TV and played video games.”
“Jesse,” John said, his face growing dark again. “You’re usually a better liar than that. What did you guys do?”
“Nothing,” Jesse insisted with a greater firmness of conviction in his voice.
“Jesse, I know when you’re lying even when you do it well,” John scolded. “I’m not stupid.”
Jesse swallowed and shut his locker to keep himself preoccupied, hoping maybe John would let it blow over. “Well, we wrote a song. I brought my guitar. I’m going to his band practice Tuesday night; he thinks that their vocalist could learn something from me so-”
“Jesse!” Jesse turned back to John, but his annoyance was definitely not because of Jesse’s infidelity to his band. “Seriously, something happened, didn’t it?” His voice was a lot softer, sympathetic, even. “Did you guys do something wrong?”
Jesse tried to laugh it off. “Honestly, John, what do you really believe I am capable of doing that’s wrong?”
“Sometimes you’re really susceptible to suggestion, Jesse.”
Jesse spun to look at him, the first hint of anger flaring in him. “What does that mean?”
John’s annoyance doubled at Jesse’s apparent ire. “If someone hands you a twenty-sixer, you’ll finish it, Jesse.”
“We didn’t get drunk-”
“Or if someone passed you a joint, you’d probably take a hit.”
“Or high-”
“I’m not being specific here, Jess, I’m not accusing you of getting fucked up this weekend. I just mean that you sometimes do things you wouldn’t decide to do on your own when someone else seems to think it’s a good idea.”
“Well no one forced me to do anything this weekend that I didn’t want to do,” Jesse spat.
John ‘s mouth set into a firm line. “Fine,” he muttered before turning on his heel.
Jesse watched John storm away as his anger faded. He wanted to call out to his friend, but his pride prevented it. Besides, what could he really tell John anyway? At least this way, John would come back when he wasn’t angry anymore, and they would pretend the argument had never occurred, and Jesse wouldn’t have to tell John exactly what he’d been up to all weekend.
***
Jesse almost wished Brian would be parked outside of his school that afternoon to pick him up and take him back to Brian’s house so he could forget about John being angry with him and how weird it felt to have something to hide from the rest of the student body, especially something like this. Brian could take Jesse back home, and they could curl up on Brian’s bed. Jesse could complain about John, complain about the necessity of hiding this from his best friend, and Brian could kiss away his troubles.
Instead, Jesse endured the twenty-minute walk to his house, where he and Brian had dropped off his guitar and amp that morning before going to school, and climbing the stairs, ignoring the squeals and thumps of one sister chasing the other through the halls before his younger brother’s yell for silence rang out and Jesse closed his bedroom door on them all.
He flopped down on his mattress and buried his face in his pillow. It smelled like him. Jesse frowned; he hadn’t known he had a particular smell. Well, maybe he didn’t. Maybe it was simply the absence of Brian’s smell that he noticed on his pillow. With another sniff he decided that no, the smell rang of Jesse, and probably meant it needed to be washed. Begrudgingly, he stripped his bed and tossed his sheets and pillow cases into the laundry hamper in the corner, then emptied the duffle bag of clothes he’d brought to Brian’s place into the basket, too, so he could stumble from his room and try not to fall down the stairs on his way to the basement to do laundry.
Jesse heard the doorbell despite the buffer of the closed doors between him and the front hall. He stuffed his sheets and clothes into the machine, as much as was possible without flooding his basement, so that he could pack what should probably have been three loads into a mere two. As he was adding detergent, he heard someone yell his name.
“I’m doing laundry!” he yelled back up the stairs and pressed the buttons, closing the machine’s lid. He emerged into the den and shut the laundry room door behind him. As he turned around, he jumped in surprise at the second body in the room.
“Shit, John!” he cursed.
“Sorry. Rory told me to just come down.” John was still wearing his jacket and had a backpack slung over his shoulder. His guitar was in his hand.
“It’s okay. I was just doing laundry.”
“I thought I could come over early. We could work on that math assignment….”
“Yeah!” Jesse brightened; he was pleased to see that John had apparently forgotten all about their argument earlier this morning and the way he had given Jesse the silent treatment all day. He held out his hand to take John’s guitar, and led the way back up the stairs.
***
”What the fuck is a cosine?” Jesse asked with an eyebrow raised in puzzlement. “When did I take these notes?”
“You didn’t. I did,” John responded automatically. Whenever Jesse neglected to pay enough attention to even pretend to be writing down what their teacher was saying, John would photocopy his notes for his friend.
“They’re in my handwriting.” Apparently, that was not the case in this situation.
“Then you were daydreaming or something,” John followed, logically.
“Oh,” Jesse responded. That made sense; it had been weeks since he’d last paid attention in Mrs. Grant’s math class. “Well, you were there; what is a cosine?”
John shrugged. “I just know that I have a button on my calculator that says C-O-S and apparently whatever a cosine does, that button does automatically.”
“Are we allowed to use a calculator during a test?”
John shrugged.
Jesse sighed and slammed his book shut. “Forget this.”
“Jesse. You know if you don’t do it now-”
“Well it’s almost dinnertime anyway. I can’t think on an empty stomach.” He reached over and closed John’s math text on his calculator. “Let’s do it tomorrow.”
John shook his head but easily acquiesced. “Fine.” Jesse stretched and stood from his chair, accompanying his friend on his bed. John tossed his books on the floor. “So… what’s this about a song you wrote?”
Jesse had somewhat expected his friend to bring up their conversation from that morning, although it unnerved him that John had. He knew it meant that John would ask again what he and Brian did all weekend, although, maybe he would be able to pass it off as something band related, like guilt for agreeing to allow Brian’s band to claim the song instead of Jesse and John’s band. Jesse knew it was somewhat of a long shot because John tended to prefer songs they wrote as a band, as a team, all together. It prevented them from labelling one member as more essential than another member and inhibited dissention within the group… theoretically.
Jesse shrugged. “Well… Brian’s always complaining because their vocalist is so bad and all their songs suck. So… I told him I would write him a song, you know, as a joke. But when I was there this weekend… we sort of wrote one together, me and Brian. So tomorrow I’m going to play with his band.”
“Really?” John asked. He sounded interested, but Jesse knew that he was probably less than thrilled.
“Yeah.”
“Just a one-time thing?”
Jesse shrugged. “Well… I’m still a part of this band, so… it would be pretty shitty of me to just agree to be in The Rookie Lot.” John didn’t respond. “Brian kind of asked, sort of, like, offhand, if I would mind… maybe… playing with them, until they found someone else.” It wasn’t exactly untrue. Okay, so it was a blatant lie. But Jesse needed something good to tell his friend, something that wasn’t the truth, because as far as Jesse was concerned, John knowing the real truth about him and Brian… that would have consequences far worse than John finding out that Jesse lied about this.
“Right,” John said. His disapproval was clear.
“I know what you’re thinking.” Jesse turned to face his friend, although John was purposefully not looking at him. “But I’m not ditching you. I’m not. I’m still a part of our band, it is still the most important thing to me, and you are still my best friend.” John looked down at his hands. “So even if you think that Brian is stealing me away from you in every way possible, you’re wrong.”
“Am I? Jesse, you haven’t been around in weeks,” John shot an angry glare at his friend, but his voice was wounded.
Jesse gave in with a sigh. “I know, and it’s because I’m a fucking jerk. Brian and I talked about it this weekend. I need to spend more time with you again. I just got so caught up in him…. You know how it is when I meet a new friend.”
John laughed. “No, when you meet a new friend you bring them around and make them sit through our boring weekends until they decide that they’ve had enough of John Nolan, and it’s just me and you again. This is like every time you’ve met a new girl.” Jesse’s breath caught in his throat. “You’re letting him hog all your time, and I haven’t seen you, and it’s like the time you met Amanda. You fucking vanished for three quarters of that summer. I thought your parents forced you to go to camp, and you just hadn’t been able to call, and then I ran into you at the grocery with her.” Jesse blushed. It was exactly like that. “You met this guy and you’ve holed yourself up with him as if you think he’s going to get scared away by the boring weekends you spend with your best friend that are always good enough for you, but which you’re scared won’t be good enough for him.”
Jesse shook his head. At last, a rebuttal! “No, the reason I hole myself up with Brian instead of making him spend boring weekends with me and you and Shaun is because you hate Brian! I don’t know why, and you never gave me a clear answer, but you’ve hated him since the day you met him! I’ve had to keep my time with you and my time with him completely separate. It’s just like every time I meet a new friend. When I get excited about a new person, I want to spend all my time with them. If you didn’t have such a problem with him, I would have him come over to your place on weekends and make him play Nintendo and sit through fucking late night television just like everyone else, but you’ve been avoiding me when I am with him as if he has the fucking plague.”
John closed his mouth. Apparently, Jesse’s reaction was a good enough excuse.
“I don’t like spending so much time away from you, either, John, but sometimes I’m going to make new friends, and when that happens, either they invade our personal time, or our personal time gets cut.”
“Does it have to get cut so much that I don’t see you for more than an hour or so outside of school anymore?”
Jesse slumped. “No. I’m sorry.” He glanced at his friend apologetically. “Like I said, I talked to Brian this weekend, and he understands that I need to spend more time with you. He said that next weekend me and you should just spend the whole weekend doing whatever, and he’ll see me some other time.”
“He said that?”
“Yeah.” Jesse shrugged. “He’s not trying to seduce me away from you, John. He has friends, too, and I’m not trying to seduce him away from them.” Jesse tried not to fidget at his own inadvertent choice of words. “You’re my best friend and he knows that; he doesn’t want to have me at your expense.”
John’s face softened. Had he really not realized that Brian wasn’t trying to be malicious and greedy? Brian had never done anything to indicate that he had a problem with John or that he would gladly take anything away from him. Had John really thought that his sole purpose was to thwart their friendship? “Really?”
“Of course. I mean, we love spending time together, but… you’re my best friend, John. I love you.” John beamed and laughed. “Besides, Brian says that when you’re mad at me I act like a little emo bitch.”
John laughed, too. “Yeah, you can’t take away Shaun’s title from him, or he’ll cry.”
Jesse grinned and chuckled as a knock sounded on his bedroom door and it slid open. “Mom says dinner’s in ten minutes!” Carly yelled before slamming the door behind her.
Jesse’s stomach rumbled as if on cue. He stood up to turn off the music that was playing softly in the background.
“So,” John said, before Jesse could lead them downstairs. “This song of yours… do I ever get to hear it?”
Jesse shrugged. “It’s not much of a song. It’s guitar, vocals and drums. It’s the most half-assed thing I’ve ever written.” He laughed and shrugged.
“What’s it called?”
“You know my naming algorithm, John,“ Jesse scolded. “You shouldn’t even have to ask that question.”
“I thought maybe Brian might have named it. Or maybe you grew up and figured out that I’m not going to laugh at every title you throw out.”
Jesse stopped with his hand on the doorknob, his heart leapt in his chest; he’d made the most random and sudden decision… he was going for it. “Actually,” Jesse turned back to John, “I have something to run by you.”
John looked interested. He didn’t speak.
“I’ve been thinking about our band and… it’s probably stupid, but Brian liked it… so… I mean you don’t have to like it, just because he does, in fact you probably won’t, on principle.”
“Jesse….”
He was rambling. “Okay. Don’t tell Shaun, though. I mean, if you don’t like it, just… keep it to yourself. I mean, tell me, but-”
“I remember the drill, Jesse.”
Jesse nodded and fidgeted with his shirtsleeve. “Okay. Well… I kind of like the name… Taking Back Sunday.”
Jesse averted his eyes. He didn’t want to see John’s expression, whether it was the same interested awe that Brian’s face held when he told him, or the laughter that Shaun had incited in Jesse and John both with his previous suggestion.
“Jesse!” he heard his mother yell.
Jesse opened the door. “Come on.”
“Jess-”
“We’ll talk about it later,” he interrupted softly. He was relieved that he could put off John’s judgement. He didn’t want to hear how much his best friend hated it, right now. They’d just finished arguing; he didn’t think he could take the bruise it would inflict upon his ego to hear John letting him down easy. They were both, after all, extremely Catholic, living in extremely religious households, and although neither of them really went to church with their families anymore, Jesse wasn’t one hundred percent on the status of John’s faith. He knew John wasn’t stupid, he would understand Jesse’s meaning.
Jesse turned back to the hall instead of waiting for John’s agreement and led his friend downstairs.
***
Jesse had sent John off with Shaun to the garage, stopping by the fridge for water for each of them. He hadn’t had the chance to ask his mother about staying another night at Brian’s place and thus did it before he joined his band. Fortunately, she considered Brian a good influence on Jesse, judging by how much faster he tended to get his work done when there was an opportunity to spend more time with his friend. Besides, she had no reason to suspect that Jesse and Brian would be up to no good.
Jesse appeared in the garage moments later. John and Shaun had set themselves up already, so Jesse apologized and got started with his own guitar and amp.
“So,” Shaun said casually, “what’s this I hear about a new song?”
Jesse glared at John. “Well… it’s not really my song. It’s Brian’s song.”
“Whatever. Let’s hear it,” Shaun said.
Jesse unravelled his cord and dragged his amp next to his microphone stand. “It’s not really finished-”
“Oh, come on, Jess. You’re always so anal about everything being perfect. Just play the song already!”
Jesse dropped his arms to his sides and stood up. “Can I plug in first? Relax! I’ll play the stupid song.” Exasperatedly, he bent to fiddle with the knobs, plugged his patch cord into his amp and then the bottom of his guitar before flicking on the power.
“So,” Shaun said when Jesse straightened up and retrieved his pick, “if it’s not ours, I guess we can’t put it on Taking Back Sunday’s first album?”
Jesse paled. He didn’t know if Shaun was ribbing him or not. He glared at John. “I told you not to tell him!”
“You said not to tell him if I didn’t like it, Jesse.”
Jesse frowned. “He loved it. Obviously. And so did I.”
Jesse didn’t speak for a beat or two. “Really?” he asked finally.
Shaun laughed. “Yes, really, you tool. Taking Back Sunday? That’s the most brilliant title I have ever heard.”
Jesse’s heart leapt in his chest. “Oh. Thanks.”
“Where did you come up with that?” Shaun said. John looked at Jesse expectantly, not without a hint of curiosity.
Jesse averted his gaze as a thousand memories resurfaced in his mind and shrugged. “It seemed like a good idea.”
***
Nine o’clock rolled around and Jesse’s mother opened the garage door with Brian in tow, calling out for Jesse to tell his friends to pack up and go home. Brian lounged by the door with his hands in his pockets. The way his eyes bored into Jesse made the blood in Jesse’s veins boil and his voice grew breathy as he moaned out the final words to the song they were practicing.
As expected, John packed up quickly, only waiting for Shaun at his friend’s behest before casting a hasty goodbye over his shoulder and disappearing into the night. No sooner had they walked out the door then did Brian stride confidently over to Jesse’s side to distract him from wrapping cords and moving microphone stands. Jesse smiled as Brian directed his hips to the wall.
“Do you usually sound like sex when you sing or was it just because I showed up?” He nuzzled his face into Jesse’s neck and kissed his jaw.
Jesse wrapped his arms around Brian’s neck. Brian kissed his lips and Jesse sighed into him. His familiar scent was back. Jesse knew now, if he didn’t before, that he loved the smell of Brian’s skin and hair. He couldn’t get enough. He pulled Brian’s body more tightly against his own with the arms around his neck, feeling his friend’s arms slide around his waist. Jesse’s fingers laced through Brian’s hair as he let Brian press his tongue into his mouth. ‘Forget this,’ Jesse thought. He wanted to go back to Brian’s place, now.
Jesse pulled back from the kiss, and jumped away from Brian in shock. He hadn’t heard the door to the garage open, but there was John, standing in the doorway with the light from the house casting his face into shadow.
“John!” Jesse sputtered, but couldn’t think of something to say. Fortunately, he didn’t have to; John rushed across the room and grabbed the backpack out of the corner and a second later was running back the way he came, out the garage door. Jesse stood there paralysed for a good minute before lunging across the garage and to front door, which was just swinging closed.
“John!” Jesse yelled from the front step, but the other boy was running down the street to where Shaun was confusedly standing, staring back at Jesse. Jesse started walking that way, but John shook his head ‘no’ to Shaun and grabbed his hand to drag him quickly away. Jesse stopped at the end of the driveway and watched the two bodies turn the corner, Shaun glancing back at Jesse quickly before turning back to John, and then they were out of sight beyond the houses.
Jesse stood there staring down the dark street, he didn’t know how long, until he felt a hand on his shoulder. Jesse blinked and realized he was holding back tears. Shit. Had that actually just happened? His chest felt very tight.
“Jess?”
“Let’s go,” Jesse croaked out. Brian let his arm go, and he grabbed his pre-packed bag from his room, throwing it and his guitar into the back of Brian’s car, and they were on their way.
[Author] dejectedmadness
[Rating] Eventually NC-17. This chapter… PG-13 for boykissing/light touching.
[Chapter Listing] .:1:. .:2:. .:3:. .:4:. .:5:. 6/?
[Disclaimer] I am posting fanFICTION. Neither the characters nor the ideas belong to me, just the plot specific to this story. No profit is being made off of this fiction, it is being written solely for my entertainment and for the entertainment of others as warped as I am. Don't sue.
[Band/Pairing]Brand New/Straylight Run, Jesse Lacey/Brian Lane, Jesse Lacey/John Nolan
[Summary] Jesse makes a new friend about whom John is not particularly fond for reasons as yet only speculated upon.
[X-Posted] rockinthebed, slashypunkboys, _brand_new_love, lacey_loves_jno
[Author’s Notes] This isn’t intended to be particularly AU, although it is a high school fic, and it has some anachronistic tendencies.
This one is much better than the last one. Much more important in terms of plot, and much more interesting, I think. Maybe because I decided to sit down and figure out where the hell this was was going. Also, it was done by the time the last one was posted. So yeah, comments would be great! And thanks to everyone who has commented so far and my lovely beta moshimoshix3!!!
When Jesse was immersed again in the loud clanging of lockers, high pitched giggling freshmen girls, deep taunting guffaws of thick-skulled jocks, pop and crackle of the PA system in the monotonous, uniform halls of his high school, Jesse felt like maybe he’d just woken up from a dream. He’d spent Friday, Saturday and Sunday night with Brian, and some of the time it felt like regular, like usual, like how they always were before… well… before. But then the breathy kisses, the tentative caresses, the whispers, the moans, it all felt somehow misplaced, like he had mistaken a wonderful dream for reality and was only now realizing that it didn’t quite fit into place. Jesse didn’t think he’d lost his mind, although a part of him considered that that was what all crazy people thought, but the intimate moments he’d shared with Brian interspersed with all of their friendly encounters from the past weekend left him feeling slightly uneasy. Now he was reunited with the outside world, the sane world, where best friends don’t make out and grope one another, and it felt like maybe he had allowed his perverse imagination to confuse him. He didn’t belong in this regular, ordinary world when something so surreal had just happened to him, had been happening to him all weekend. He felt somehow out of place, here, now.
“Hey,” a voice said, startling Jesse from his musings. He looked up at John, whose face was pleased to see him, but at Jesse’s obvious intent expression of thought, grew grave. “What’s wrong?”
Jesse smiled softly. “Nothing. Just tired. How’s it going?”
John shrugged. “I’m kind of glad it’s not the weekend anymore,” he confessed.
Jesse smiled more brightly. “Got sick of your sister’s dolls?”
John shrugged and nodded. “So what did you and Brian end up doing?”
Jesse was a little shocked at John’s voluntary use of the other boy’s name, but he tried not to let it show. However, he wasn’t so adept at keeping the blush from his cheeks while remembering everything they’d been up to that weekend. It took him a little longer than he would have liked to come up with an appropriate answer. Apparently, it was a little longer than John liked too. “Uh, nothing. We just… you know… watched TV and played video games.”
“Jesse,” John said, his face growing dark again. “You’re usually a better liar than that. What did you guys do?”
“Nothing,” Jesse insisted with a greater firmness of conviction in his voice.
“Jesse, I know when you’re lying even when you do it well,” John scolded. “I’m not stupid.”
Jesse swallowed and shut his locker to keep himself preoccupied, hoping maybe John would let it blow over. “Well, we wrote a song. I brought my guitar. I’m going to his band practice Tuesday night; he thinks that their vocalist could learn something from me so-”
“Jesse!” Jesse turned back to John, but his annoyance was definitely not because of Jesse’s infidelity to his band. “Seriously, something happened, didn’t it?” His voice was a lot softer, sympathetic, even. “Did you guys do something wrong?”
Jesse tried to laugh it off. “Honestly, John, what do you really believe I am capable of doing that’s wrong?”
“Sometimes you’re really susceptible to suggestion, Jesse.”
Jesse spun to look at him, the first hint of anger flaring in him. “What does that mean?”
John’s annoyance doubled at Jesse’s apparent ire. “If someone hands you a twenty-sixer, you’ll finish it, Jesse.”
“We didn’t get drunk-”
“Or if someone passed you a joint, you’d probably take a hit.”
“Or high-”
“I’m not being specific here, Jess, I’m not accusing you of getting fucked up this weekend. I just mean that you sometimes do things you wouldn’t decide to do on your own when someone else seems to think it’s a good idea.”
“Well no one forced me to do anything this weekend that I didn’t want to do,” Jesse spat.
John ‘s mouth set into a firm line. “Fine,” he muttered before turning on his heel.
Jesse watched John storm away as his anger faded. He wanted to call out to his friend, but his pride prevented it. Besides, what could he really tell John anyway? At least this way, John would come back when he wasn’t angry anymore, and they would pretend the argument had never occurred, and Jesse wouldn’t have to tell John exactly what he’d been up to all weekend.
***
Jesse almost wished Brian would be parked outside of his school that afternoon to pick him up and take him back to Brian’s house so he could forget about John being angry with him and how weird it felt to have something to hide from the rest of the student body, especially something like this. Brian could take Jesse back home, and they could curl up on Brian’s bed. Jesse could complain about John, complain about the necessity of hiding this from his best friend, and Brian could kiss away his troubles.
Instead, Jesse endured the twenty-minute walk to his house, where he and Brian had dropped off his guitar and amp that morning before going to school, and climbing the stairs, ignoring the squeals and thumps of one sister chasing the other through the halls before his younger brother’s yell for silence rang out and Jesse closed his bedroom door on them all.
He flopped down on his mattress and buried his face in his pillow. It smelled like him. Jesse frowned; he hadn’t known he had a particular smell. Well, maybe he didn’t. Maybe it was simply the absence of Brian’s smell that he noticed on his pillow. With another sniff he decided that no, the smell rang of Jesse, and probably meant it needed to be washed. Begrudgingly, he stripped his bed and tossed his sheets and pillow cases into the laundry hamper in the corner, then emptied the duffle bag of clothes he’d brought to Brian’s place into the basket, too, so he could stumble from his room and try not to fall down the stairs on his way to the basement to do laundry.
Jesse heard the doorbell despite the buffer of the closed doors between him and the front hall. He stuffed his sheets and clothes into the machine, as much as was possible without flooding his basement, so that he could pack what should probably have been three loads into a mere two. As he was adding detergent, he heard someone yell his name.
“I’m doing laundry!” he yelled back up the stairs and pressed the buttons, closing the machine’s lid. He emerged into the den and shut the laundry room door behind him. As he turned around, he jumped in surprise at the second body in the room.
“Shit, John!” he cursed.
“Sorry. Rory told me to just come down.” John was still wearing his jacket and had a backpack slung over his shoulder. His guitar was in his hand.
“It’s okay. I was just doing laundry.”
“I thought I could come over early. We could work on that math assignment….”
“Yeah!” Jesse brightened; he was pleased to see that John had apparently forgotten all about their argument earlier this morning and the way he had given Jesse the silent treatment all day. He held out his hand to take John’s guitar, and led the way back up the stairs.
***
”What the fuck is a cosine?” Jesse asked with an eyebrow raised in puzzlement. “When did I take these notes?”
“You didn’t. I did,” John responded automatically. Whenever Jesse neglected to pay enough attention to even pretend to be writing down what their teacher was saying, John would photocopy his notes for his friend.
“They’re in my handwriting.” Apparently, that was not the case in this situation.
“Then you were daydreaming or something,” John followed, logically.
“Oh,” Jesse responded. That made sense; it had been weeks since he’d last paid attention in Mrs. Grant’s math class. “Well, you were there; what is a cosine?”
John shrugged. “I just know that I have a button on my calculator that says C-O-S and apparently whatever a cosine does, that button does automatically.”
“Are we allowed to use a calculator during a test?”
John shrugged.
Jesse sighed and slammed his book shut. “Forget this.”
“Jesse. You know if you don’t do it now-”
“Well it’s almost dinnertime anyway. I can’t think on an empty stomach.” He reached over and closed John’s math text on his calculator. “Let’s do it tomorrow.”
John shook his head but easily acquiesced. “Fine.” Jesse stretched and stood from his chair, accompanying his friend on his bed. John tossed his books on the floor. “So… what’s this about a song you wrote?”
Jesse had somewhat expected his friend to bring up their conversation from that morning, although it unnerved him that John had. He knew it meant that John would ask again what he and Brian did all weekend, although, maybe he would be able to pass it off as something band related, like guilt for agreeing to allow Brian’s band to claim the song instead of Jesse and John’s band. Jesse knew it was somewhat of a long shot because John tended to prefer songs they wrote as a band, as a team, all together. It prevented them from labelling one member as more essential than another member and inhibited dissention within the group… theoretically.
Jesse shrugged. “Well… Brian’s always complaining because their vocalist is so bad and all their songs suck. So… I told him I would write him a song, you know, as a joke. But when I was there this weekend… we sort of wrote one together, me and Brian. So tomorrow I’m going to play with his band.”
“Really?” John asked. He sounded interested, but Jesse knew that he was probably less than thrilled.
“Yeah.”
“Just a one-time thing?”
Jesse shrugged. “Well… I’m still a part of this band, so… it would be pretty shitty of me to just agree to be in The Rookie Lot.” John didn’t respond. “Brian kind of asked, sort of, like, offhand, if I would mind… maybe… playing with them, until they found someone else.” It wasn’t exactly untrue. Okay, so it was a blatant lie. But Jesse needed something good to tell his friend, something that wasn’t the truth, because as far as Jesse was concerned, John knowing the real truth about him and Brian… that would have consequences far worse than John finding out that Jesse lied about this.
“Right,” John said. His disapproval was clear.
“I know what you’re thinking.” Jesse turned to face his friend, although John was purposefully not looking at him. “But I’m not ditching you. I’m not. I’m still a part of our band, it is still the most important thing to me, and you are still my best friend.” John looked down at his hands. “So even if you think that Brian is stealing me away from you in every way possible, you’re wrong.”
“Am I? Jesse, you haven’t been around in weeks,” John shot an angry glare at his friend, but his voice was wounded.
Jesse gave in with a sigh. “I know, and it’s because I’m a fucking jerk. Brian and I talked about it this weekend. I need to spend more time with you again. I just got so caught up in him…. You know how it is when I meet a new friend.”
John laughed. “No, when you meet a new friend you bring them around and make them sit through our boring weekends until they decide that they’ve had enough of John Nolan, and it’s just me and you again. This is like every time you’ve met a new girl.” Jesse’s breath caught in his throat. “You’re letting him hog all your time, and I haven’t seen you, and it’s like the time you met Amanda. You fucking vanished for three quarters of that summer. I thought your parents forced you to go to camp, and you just hadn’t been able to call, and then I ran into you at the grocery with her.” Jesse blushed. It was exactly like that. “You met this guy and you’ve holed yourself up with him as if you think he’s going to get scared away by the boring weekends you spend with your best friend that are always good enough for you, but which you’re scared won’t be good enough for him.”
Jesse shook his head. At last, a rebuttal! “No, the reason I hole myself up with Brian instead of making him spend boring weekends with me and you and Shaun is because you hate Brian! I don’t know why, and you never gave me a clear answer, but you’ve hated him since the day you met him! I’ve had to keep my time with you and my time with him completely separate. It’s just like every time I meet a new friend. When I get excited about a new person, I want to spend all my time with them. If you didn’t have such a problem with him, I would have him come over to your place on weekends and make him play Nintendo and sit through fucking late night television just like everyone else, but you’ve been avoiding me when I am with him as if he has the fucking plague.”
John closed his mouth. Apparently, Jesse’s reaction was a good enough excuse.
“I don’t like spending so much time away from you, either, John, but sometimes I’m going to make new friends, and when that happens, either they invade our personal time, or our personal time gets cut.”
“Does it have to get cut so much that I don’t see you for more than an hour or so outside of school anymore?”
Jesse slumped. “No. I’m sorry.” He glanced at his friend apologetically. “Like I said, I talked to Brian this weekend, and he understands that I need to spend more time with you. He said that next weekend me and you should just spend the whole weekend doing whatever, and he’ll see me some other time.”
“He said that?”
“Yeah.” Jesse shrugged. “He’s not trying to seduce me away from you, John. He has friends, too, and I’m not trying to seduce him away from them.” Jesse tried not to fidget at his own inadvertent choice of words. “You’re my best friend and he knows that; he doesn’t want to have me at your expense.”
John’s face softened. Had he really not realized that Brian wasn’t trying to be malicious and greedy? Brian had never done anything to indicate that he had a problem with John or that he would gladly take anything away from him. Had John really thought that his sole purpose was to thwart their friendship? “Really?”
“Of course. I mean, we love spending time together, but… you’re my best friend, John. I love you.” John beamed and laughed. “Besides, Brian says that when you’re mad at me I act like a little emo bitch.”
John laughed, too. “Yeah, you can’t take away Shaun’s title from him, or he’ll cry.”
Jesse grinned and chuckled as a knock sounded on his bedroom door and it slid open. “Mom says dinner’s in ten minutes!” Carly yelled before slamming the door behind her.
Jesse’s stomach rumbled as if on cue. He stood up to turn off the music that was playing softly in the background.
“So,” John said, before Jesse could lead them downstairs. “This song of yours… do I ever get to hear it?”
Jesse shrugged. “It’s not much of a song. It’s guitar, vocals and drums. It’s the most half-assed thing I’ve ever written.” He laughed and shrugged.
“What’s it called?”
“You know my naming algorithm, John,“ Jesse scolded. “You shouldn’t even have to ask that question.”
“I thought maybe Brian might have named it. Or maybe you grew up and figured out that I’m not going to laugh at every title you throw out.”
Jesse stopped with his hand on the doorknob, his heart leapt in his chest; he’d made the most random and sudden decision… he was going for it. “Actually,” Jesse turned back to John, “I have something to run by you.”
John looked interested. He didn’t speak.
“I’ve been thinking about our band and… it’s probably stupid, but Brian liked it… so… I mean you don’t have to like it, just because he does, in fact you probably won’t, on principle.”
“Jesse….”
He was rambling. “Okay. Don’t tell Shaun, though. I mean, if you don’t like it, just… keep it to yourself. I mean, tell me, but-”
“I remember the drill, Jesse.”
Jesse nodded and fidgeted with his shirtsleeve. “Okay. Well… I kind of like the name… Taking Back Sunday.”
Jesse averted his eyes. He didn’t want to see John’s expression, whether it was the same interested awe that Brian’s face held when he told him, or the laughter that Shaun had incited in Jesse and John both with his previous suggestion.
“Jesse!” he heard his mother yell.
Jesse opened the door. “Come on.”
“Jess-”
“We’ll talk about it later,” he interrupted softly. He was relieved that he could put off John’s judgement. He didn’t want to hear how much his best friend hated it, right now. They’d just finished arguing; he didn’t think he could take the bruise it would inflict upon his ego to hear John letting him down easy. They were both, after all, extremely Catholic, living in extremely religious households, and although neither of them really went to church with their families anymore, Jesse wasn’t one hundred percent on the status of John’s faith. He knew John wasn’t stupid, he would understand Jesse’s meaning.
Jesse turned back to the hall instead of waiting for John’s agreement and led his friend downstairs.
***
Jesse had sent John off with Shaun to the garage, stopping by the fridge for water for each of them. He hadn’t had the chance to ask his mother about staying another night at Brian’s place and thus did it before he joined his band. Fortunately, she considered Brian a good influence on Jesse, judging by how much faster he tended to get his work done when there was an opportunity to spend more time with his friend. Besides, she had no reason to suspect that Jesse and Brian would be up to no good.
Jesse appeared in the garage moments later. John and Shaun had set themselves up already, so Jesse apologized and got started with his own guitar and amp.
“So,” Shaun said casually, “what’s this I hear about a new song?”
Jesse glared at John. “Well… it’s not really my song. It’s Brian’s song.”
“Whatever. Let’s hear it,” Shaun said.
Jesse unravelled his cord and dragged his amp next to his microphone stand. “It’s not really finished-”
“Oh, come on, Jess. You’re always so anal about everything being perfect. Just play the song already!”
Jesse dropped his arms to his sides and stood up. “Can I plug in first? Relax! I’ll play the stupid song.” Exasperatedly, he bent to fiddle with the knobs, plugged his patch cord into his amp and then the bottom of his guitar before flicking on the power.
“So,” Shaun said when Jesse straightened up and retrieved his pick, “if it’s not ours, I guess we can’t put it on Taking Back Sunday’s first album?”
Jesse paled. He didn’t know if Shaun was ribbing him or not. He glared at John. “I told you not to tell him!”
“You said not to tell him if I didn’t like it, Jesse.”
Jesse frowned. “He loved it. Obviously. And so did I.”
Jesse didn’t speak for a beat or two. “Really?” he asked finally.
Shaun laughed. “Yes, really, you tool. Taking Back Sunday? That’s the most brilliant title I have ever heard.”
Jesse’s heart leapt in his chest. “Oh. Thanks.”
“Where did you come up with that?” Shaun said. John looked at Jesse expectantly, not without a hint of curiosity.
Jesse averted his gaze as a thousand memories resurfaced in his mind and shrugged. “It seemed like a good idea.”
***
Nine o’clock rolled around and Jesse’s mother opened the garage door with Brian in tow, calling out for Jesse to tell his friends to pack up and go home. Brian lounged by the door with his hands in his pockets. The way his eyes bored into Jesse made the blood in Jesse’s veins boil and his voice grew breathy as he moaned out the final words to the song they were practicing.
As expected, John packed up quickly, only waiting for Shaun at his friend’s behest before casting a hasty goodbye over his shoulder and disappearing into the night. No sooner had they walked out the door then did Brian stride confidently over to Jesse’s side to distract him from wrapping cords and moving microphone stands. Jesse smiled as Brian directed his hips to the wall.
“Do you usually sound like sex when you sing or was it just because I showed up?” He nuzzled his face into Jesse’s neck and kissed his jaw.
Jesse wrapped his arms around Brian’s neck. Brian kissed his lips and Jesse sighed into him. His familiar scent was back. Jesse knew now, if he didn’t before, that he loved the smell of Brian’s skin and hair. He couldn’t get enough. He pulled Brian’s body more tightly against his own with the arms around his neck, feeling his friend’s arms slide around his waist. Jesse’s fingers laced through Brian’s hair as he let Brian press his tongue into his mouth. ‘Forget this,’ Jesse thought. He wanted to go back to Brian’s place, now.
Jesse pulled back from the kiss, and jumped away from Brian in shock. He hadn’t heard the door to the garage open, but there was John, standing in the doorway with the light from the house casting his face into shadow.
“John!” Jesse sputtered, but couldn’t think of something to say. Fortunately, he didn’t have to; John rushed across the room and grabbed the backpack out of the corner and a second later was running back the way he came, out the garage door. Jesse stood there paralysed for a good minute before lunging across the garage and to front door, which was just swinging closed.
“John!” Jesse yelled from the front step, but the other boy was running down the street to where Shaun was confusedly standing, staring back at Jesse. Jesse started walking that way, but John shook his head ‘no’ to Shaun and grabbed his hand to drag him quickly away. Jesse stopped at the end of the driveway and watched the two bodies turn the corner, Shaun glancing back at Jesse quickly before turning back to John, and then they were out of sight beyond the houses.
Jesse stood there staring down the dark street, he didn’t know how long, until he felt a hand on his shoulder. Jesse blinked and realized he was holding back tears. Shit. Had that actually just happened? His chest felt very tight.
“Jess?”
“Let’s go,” Jesse croaked out. Brian let his arm go, and he grabbed his pre-packed bag from his room, throwing it and his guitar into the back of Brian’s car, and they were on their way.