Taking Back Sunday -- Chapter 9
[Title] Taking Back Sunday
[Author] dejectedmadness
[Rating] Eventually NC-17. This chapter… PG-13 for boykissing/touching/sexual contact.
[Chapter Listing] .:1:. .:2:. .:3:. .:4:. .:5:. .:6:. .:7:. .:8:. 9/?
[Disclaimer] I am posting fanFICTION. Neither the characters nor the ideas belong to me, just the plot specific to this story. No profit is being made off of this fiction, it is being written solely for my entertainment and for the entertainment of others as warped as I am. Don't sue.
[Band/Pairing] Brand New/Straylight Run, Jesse Lacey/Brian Lane, Jesse Lacey/John Nolan
[Summary] Jesse makes a new friend about whom John is not particularly fond for reasons as yet only speculated upon.
[X-Posted] rockinthebed, slashypunkboys, _brand_new_love, lacey_loves_jno
[Author’s Notes] This isn’t intended to be particularly AU, although it is a high school fic, and it has some anachronistic tendencies.
Ripped off QAF and Sorority Boys within two paragraphs! I rock!
This chapter took so bloody long to write! I am sorry. I had exams, and then when I went home for Christmas holidays I forgot to email myself the story and therefore needed to start writing something new to tide me over until I could get back home. But here it is, and it is a little bit long. It covers a lot of bases, though, so I think it’s worthy of being a bit late. Still sorry.
It was dark when Jesse opened his eyes, but not, he realized, because it was late. The clock read 4:30 pm, which meant that the reason Brian was not laying on the mattress next to him was because he had shut the blinds to let Jesse sleep and was off doing something. Not that Jesse wasn’t grateful- he was exhausted by the lack of sleep he’d gotten the night before thanks to the worry that had been plaguing him from John’s untimely discovery of Jesse and Brian’s secret relationship- but he preferred to wake up with his boyfriend next to him, especially when he was sleeping in his bed, where said boyfriend had been laying approximately four hours ago. Jesse rolled onto his back and rubbed his eyes. The room, though darkened by the drawn curtains, was bright enough for him to see that Brian was nowhere in sight.
Jesse took a few minutes to wake up, trying not to let himself fall back to sleep despite the warmth and comfort of the dark room. It helped that his stomach rumbled; he hadn’t eaten lunch. He slung his legs over the edge of the bed and forced himself to his feet.
The sunlight pouring in through the open doors of the other bedrooms down the hall blinded Jesse when he stumbled to the stairs and descended. The sun was setting outside, bathing him in the red and orange glow of the dying light. The harsh brightness didn’t improve as Jesse continued downwards.
He didn’t find Brian in either the kitchen or the living room. He checked the den, and then continued down into the basement. He stepped through the laundry room, the door to which he had found closed, and found Brian curled in the chair with his calculator and math text, but Brian’s eyes weren’t studying anything but the backs of his eyelids. The pencil had fallen from his fingers and lay forgotten on the floor. Jesse smiled and shut the door behind him again as he entered the room. He took the book from Brian’s lap, closing it on the handful of notes that Brian had taken from his binder and the assignment page that had been lying on top. He set the book on the floor beside the chair and sat on the arm, careful not to disturb the sleeping boy. Jesse brushed Brian’s longish bangs from his forehead and traced his sideburns down to his jaw, trailing his finger to his chin and then up to his lips. Brian’s breathing changed and his lips parted. Jesse smiled and bent to kiss him. He wasn’t shocked when Brian kissed back.
“I thought you were sleeping.”
Brian opened his eyes and smiled. “I was.”
“Couldn’t sleep with me?”
“I did. Then I woke up and came down here to do homework without waking you up. Apparently math is boring.”
“Apparently. How would you wake me up doing your homework in your bedroom?”
Brian chuckled sleepily. “I curse a lot when I can’t add.” Jesse grinned. “Did you sleep ok?”
Jesse shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m still tired.”
“You can go back to sleep.”
“I won’t sleep tonight, if I do that.”
Brian shrugged and smirked, pulling Jesse into his lap with a lingering kiss. “If you’re staying over, I promise you won’t be sleeping, anyway.”
Jesse laughed and straddled Brian’s lap, relaxing into the kisses. It felt so good to just let Brian’s lips and hands take away all his worries. Jesse opened his mouth to Brian’s tongue and laced his fingers through his hair; Brian had such soft hair, even though it was always in his face. Jesse wished he could let his hair grow as much- not that Brian meant for it to be so long, it was more due to laziness than ambition to be stylish- but as soon as Jesse’s was more than a few inches long it was a giant fuzzy ball of curls, and unless he straightened it every day (which would be impossible in a house full of kids all needing the bathroom to get ready for school in the morning) it was a disaster.
Jesse slid closer on Brian’s lap with a sigh. The drummer’s hands clasped Jesse’s thighs. He shifted in his seat. Jesse wriggled again and learned why. He grinned. He loved being able to do what he could do to Brian. Someday soon, Jesse was going to hold him down and do things to him that made the other boy curse and beg. ‘Oh,’ Jesse thought, ‘that would be perfect.’ He was becoming aroused, himself.
Brian’s hands dipped under the back of Jesse’s shirt and their heat burned his back. The guitarist moved, shifted his hips forward to press his crotch against Brian’s, and Brian’s hands clenched, gripping his skin in what would be an uncomfortable manner if Jesse had not been so thoroughly turned on that pain was magically transformed into pleasure and the intense desire for more.
Jesse released Brian’s lips and nudged his head back so that he could lick and kiss his pale expanse of neck. Brian moaned as his head lolled against the cushion of the chair.
“I am definitely liking getting used to you doing stuff like this to me,” Brian whispered to Jesse.
Jesse didn’t answer, but tugged Brian’s earlobe between his teeth. His hands slid down Brian’s chest, then stretched to follow his arms, forcing Brian’s hands off of him in the process. Brian sat with his arms stretched out to his sides, as Jesse silently instructed him, directed him, to let Jesse do what he wanted without interfering.
Jesse entwined his fingers in Brian’s and drew his hands near again, but he pushed them back against the chair. He did his best to fold Brian’s hands over themselves, pressed firmly against the back of his head. Brian seemed to understand the unspoken order and clasped his hands behind his neck. Jesse was satisfied that his friend wouldn’t be moving from where he’d left him. He gently bit Brian’s neck and used his now-free hands to raise his shirt.
The drummer was panting now. His eyes were closed as he enjoyed the sensation of Jesse’s fingers teasing his nipples, and his hot breath as he licked and sucked more forcefully, without fear of leaving marks, down his chest and stomach.
Brian moaned when Jesse’s lips closed over his nipple, and cried out when he bit and pulled. He was completely erect, now; Jesse could feel the stiffness pressing firmly against him as he rocked his hips into Brian’s, receiving another whimper for his efforts. Yes, Jesse liked being able to do this to him.
A bang sounded as the laundry room door opened. Jesse launched up from Brian’s lap, tripping over the book he’d left on the floor and ending up on his ass. He wasn’t too preoccupied with falling to notice the howls of laughter coming from the other side of the room and the curly-haired, big-eyed boy doubled over, framed by the light cascading down the stairs.
“Garrett, you’re a fucking asshole!” Brian cast at his friend with as much anger as he could muster. The humour was catching. “I thought you were Mom!”
“Jesus Christ,” Jesse cursed breathily, his heart racing.
Garrett had to steady himself on the doorframe. “Oh my God! You just-you just fucking flew out of his lap! That was the best thing I’ve ever seen! Were you blowing him or something?”
Jesse’s face was so hot that he thought it might be purple.
“Not yet,” Brian muttered. “But if you’d given us ten minutes….”
Jesse covered his face with his hands in mortification.
Garrett’s mouth dropped open, and he shuddered in revulsion. “Augh, Brian! Don’t tell me shit like that! I don’t want to know what sexual deviancy you’re up to with your boyfriend!”
Jesse peeked out from behind his fingers at Brian. Wait. Garrett knew? He looked at Brian in confusion.
“You told him?”
Brian shrugged. “I told Garrett and Mike both.”
“As if he needed to! Fuck, we’ve known for weeks!” Garrett exclaimed. “All he ever does is go on about you! As if it wasn’t the most fucking obvious-”
Jesse’s brow furrowed. “This… hasn’t been going on for weeks,” Jesse said slowly.
Garrett rolled his eyes and held out a hand to help Jesse up from the floor, which Jesse took gratefully. “That doesn’t mean he hasn’t been going on about you like a thirteen year old girl with a crush since he met you. It was only a matter of time.”
Jesse beamed at Brian. He was enduring his red-faced humiliation with as much dignity as he could; he bore a petulant expression and had averted his eyes, focusing on the pattern of the fabric on his chair. “You went on and on about me?” Jesse asked, touching his shoulder softly, smoothing down the wrinkles in his shirt.
Brian glanced up at him and shrugged, picking invisible fuzz off the arm of the chair. “Yeah, well….” He obviously had no good retort for that. Jesse stretched his hand further to the back of Brian’s neck. The touch of skin made Brian’s shoulders relax a little, although Jesse could feel the extreme heat of his blush. Brian glanced up at Jesse and returned his silly grin. He tilted his head to nuzzle into Jesse’s arm.
“So how long did it take for you to finally start eating each other’s faces?” Garrett asked, drawing their attention back to him. He sat on Brian’s drum stool. “Let me guess. By the way you were obviously about to take his clothes off just now, I’d say you got started… Saturday.”
Jesse blushed. “Friday,” he corrected.
Brian held up a finger. “Midnight Friday.”
“So Saturday,” Garrett proclaimed. “I am never wrong!”
“How did you get in, by the way?” Brian asked, somewhat belatedly, in Jesse’s opinion.
“Your door was unlocked. I rang the doorbell, but obviously you were too busy to answer. You were at school with the car today… well, this morning. You mysteriously missed History this afternoon. But the car was here, so I knew you were probably home. Figured I’d come over a little early for practice.” He tapped the bass drum pedal a couple of times lightly. “So have you guys eaten yet? I’m starving!”
“The doorbell doesn’t ring in the basement; I didn’t hear it,” Brian justified. “I skipped the rest of the day with Jesse after English this morning.”
“Figures,” Garrett said. “So? Food?”
“We haven’t eaten. You were planning to feed me, right?” Jesse asked his boyfriend.
Brian smirked. “If we’d had an extra ten minutes….” Brian winked.
Garrett gagged. “Man, that is so gross! I hope he feeds you more than big juicy cock, Jesse, or I’d be running for the hills if I were you.”
“He’s right,” Jesse commented, smoothing Brian’s hair. “Some of my protein needs to come from a plate.”
Garrett jumped up. “Come on! I’m going through your fridge or calling for pizza.”
Brian cleared his throat. “Uh… I’m good… sitting… for a bit. Go on without me.”
Garrett glanced down at Brian’s lap and then spun around covering his eyes. “Oh God! Dude! You are not allowed to have an erection when I am in the room! It’s in the fucking rulebook! Get rid of it!”
“Sorry, it’s not a switch!” Brian mumbled in renewed humiliation. He covered his face with his hands.
Jesse smirked as Garrett started jumping and yelling about gross boy-sex.
“You know what would solve this problem?” Jesse asked. “You leaving the room,” he raised a pointed eyebrow in Garrett’s direction. Garrett stopped bouncing to stare at Jesse in disbelief.
“You- you’re going to- ah! Ah! Gross!” Garrett was so busy freaking out that he made no move for the door. Jesse shrugged and proceeded to straddle Brian’s legs on the chair again. “Oh my God! Wait until I leave!” Garrett tripped over the same book in the middle of the floor on his way to the door. He closed it behind him and they heard his footsteps pound against the stairs on his way up to the kitchen.
Jesse laughed and smiled at Brian. “Your friends took this a lot better than my friends did. They’re more fun about it, too.”
Brian grinned. “Garrett can be counted on to amuse and annoy always. But he’s very open, and he has always been really cool about my sexuality.”
Jesse kissed Brian. Okay, it might have been abrupt, but Jesse just couldn’t help himself. He was in Brian’s lap, and even if the whole purpose was to get a rise out of Garrett, he couldn’t resist those quirked lips and that hot tongue between his teeth.
Brian was the one to pull back. “You know… we don’t have to… do anything. I mean… I know you said-”
“Relax. Fooling around is not going to happen just to freak out your friends. We were just playing. We don’t have to do anything. I just… well, I’m here already, and I like kissing you. We don’t have to do anything at all.” Jesse shrugged. “I can even leave if you want.” He moved as if to get up and go, but Brian grabbed his wrist.
“Hey,” he smiled, “that’s no good.”
“No?” Jesse asked with a return smirk.
“No. You should stay right here.”
Jesse pressed his lips to Brian’s again. “Mm,” he said. “Okay. But shouldn’t you be trying to… de-excite yourself?”
Brian shrugged. “Garrett came over uninvited. He can wait until I’m good and ready to de-excite myself.”
Jesse beamed at him and entwined his fingers with Brian’s, pinning his hands back against the chair. “Hmm. Then where were we?”
***
Brian’s mother gave the ok for Jesse to stay over one more night, considering band practice lasted until nearly eleven, what with the excitement of writing a new song. Jesse’s fingers were actually sore by the time Garrett and Mike left. He hadn’t played for so long and so hard that his hands actually hurt since before John and Shaun and he had started having regular band practices on Monday nights. He couldn’t help but feel pleased about it, though. It wasn’t like he didn’t get recognition for writing songs for Taking Back Sunday, but it felt exciting and new to have Brian’s friends gushing about something he wrote. Jesse and Brian had managed to transform the song from an inside joke between the two of them into something playable. They’d added bass and more guitar to the song because, as Jesse had admitted before, he was a tweak freak, and he loved to find some little addition that gave the song that extra something.
After everyone left, though, it was all Jesse could do to clear his mind. With the distractions of friends and music, it was easier, although not truly easy, to forget that John wasn’t speaking to him and that his world was crashing down around him. When he and Brian were sitting in the dim light of his bedroom, though, it was the only thing on his mind.
“Hey,” Brian said, sitting beside him with an outstretched arm on Jesse’s shoulder. “You’re thinking too much,” he warned.
Jesse shrugged. “I’m good at thinking.”
“Well if that’s the only reason you’re doing it, I’m sure we could find something else more fun to do that you’re good at.” Jesse barely cracked a grin. Brian frowned and slid behind him so he could put his arm around Jesse’s waist, resting his hand on his thigh, and placed his chin on his shoulder. “Look, everything is going to be okay. Tomorrow you can go to school and talk to John again, and maybe he’ll be okay. Maybe you can just act like it never happened and everything can go back to normal.”
Jesse shook his head. “You didn’t see him. I’ve never seen John act like that before. We never fight. If we do, it’s usually just, you know, I punch him in the face, he kicks me in the balls, and it’s fine.”
“You know, for a small guy, he seems to have a lot of rage in him.” Jesse still didn’t smile, even though Brian was trying to crack a joke, so the drummer turned serious. “I’m sorry you’re going through this because of me,” he muttered into Jesse’s back.
Jesse leaned away from Brian so the boy could take his chin off his shoulder and their eyes could meet. “I don’t want you to blame yourself.”
Brian shrugged and looked away. “Well it’s my fault, isn’t it? If it wasn’t for me, none of this would have happened.”
“Yeah, but then I’d have been stuck in the closet for the rest of my life, and I’m not fond of mothballs.” Brian smirked. Jesse tried to, also, but despite his maintained sense of humour, he didn’t find his lame joke very funny. “There’s nothing either of us could have done differently to prevent this from happening.”
“See?” Brian nudged him. “Not your fault either.”
“No, it’s not. But I still feel like shit.”
Brian pulled Jesse into a hug. “Just try to think positively. Maybe tomorrow everything will work out.”
***
Everything did not work out. In fact, for a week things were tense and tough for Jesse. John had taken to eating lunch with Shaun and some of his other friends. In classes, he did his best to change seats if the teacher permitted it, and when he was forced to remain where he had been, he was adamant in his hostility toward Jesse. Hardly a word was spoken between them besides “excuse me” or “can you hand me that test tube?” but the firm set of his jaw and the grinding of teeth that Jesse could hear from his seat was more than enough indication that John was not about to ask Jesse to kiss and make up.
When the weekend arrived, the only thing Jesse wanted to do was curl up with Brian and sulk, but he knew better than to think Brian wanted to comfort him in his depression when he could be out at the movies or shopping at the mall or something, so he opted to stay home with the excuse that he wanted to be around just in case John decided to call.
Monday was no different for the musician. He went to class and spoke hardly a word to his best friend, sat alone at lunch, and walked back to his house after class. He ate a silent dinner with his family and then brought his guitar into the garage.
Jesse had known before he set up the equipment that it was a long shot to expect John to show up, but he waited anyway. He sat on his amp with his guitar in hand, tuned and ready to go, but he didn’t play a single note, and until quarter after nine, the door didn’t open.
“Ahem,” Brian said. “My mom told me to come see if you wanted to come over tonight.” Jesse didn’t look at him. “I told her you and John are fighting when she asked why she didn’t see you this weekend.” Jesse didn’t speak, so Brian came into the room, closing the door behind him and took the other corner of Jesse’s amp for his own seat. “I guess they didn’t come, huh?” Jesse shook his head. Brian was silent for a long time, until Jesse finally reached down and flicked off the power on his amp.
Brian helped him put everything away, back against the wall as usual, and Jesse led him into the house to ask his mom if he could go over there for the night. With a sympathetic nod- for Jesse’s depressed countenance and John’s absence spoke volumes to her- she agreed.
***
Jesse dragged his feet at school the next day. As much as John tried to ignore and avoid him, he did the same. He didn’t want to meet the other boy’s gaze, because what if it was written all over his face that he waited for hours the previous night for John to arrive with his guitar, that he was dying a little bit inside for the way that John was suddenly not a part of Jesse’s life after so many years of inseparability? So Jesse ate lunch outside that day-though it was damn cold and he had to wear gloves and a hat to do it- instead of in the cafeteria where he was sure to see his friends laughing and talking without him, he didn’t even acknowledge John’s presence, although he sat beside him in most classes, and walking down the hall, upon seeing his face, Jesse turned the nearest corner to escape. He wasn’t sure why he bothered, since John’s evasion of him should have been enough to prevent unwanted contact between the two, but it was effective, because as Jesse was headed to his locker after his last class, he was sure he hadn’t seen or heard anything from John all day.
Jesse turned the next corner on his way to his locker, though, and the first image that popped out at him from the crowd of people hurrying by was the face of his former best friend as he stepped out of a class just ahead of Jesse and turned to walk in the same direction about twenty feet in front of him. Jesse didn’t stop, because, really, where would he go? Any change in direction on his part would seem active evasion, considering the only way to get to his locker was to continue straight ahead down the hall.
He tried to slow his pace, but the action’s effectiveness was somewhat diminished by the fact that the steady flow of people slowed around him as students stopped in front of their lockers or paused to talk to friends. John was still twenty feet ahead. Jesse tried not to look at him and continued walking the same as he had been.
Jesse sighed in relief as John turned the next corner, but it was too soon, because the boy turned back abruptly and strode back the way he came with a purposeful set to his shoulders and a strange determination that confused Jesse until, upon second glance, Jesse saw something he hadn’t expected.
“Hey!” Brian’s voice called, but he wasn’t speaking to Jesse. He jogged a few steps forward and caught John by the arm.
“Let go,” John shrugged him off.
“Stop for a second and let me talk to you,” Brian ordered.
Jesse stopped amidst the throng of people. Like a rock in a river, the flow parted around him and continued down the hall, although not without a few wayward curses at him for blocking the road. He stepped to the side, hiding behind a girl standing there with her locker open.
“Hey, Jesse!” she said to him with a cheerful grin and a flip of her curly blond locks over her shoulder. He smiled at her in easily hidden surprise.
“Hey, Clarissa,” he sputtered, trying to conjure an excuse to be taking refuge in her locker. “Um, do you have that assignment sheet for math? I can’t find mine,” he said to stall for time. As she sought in her locker for the article in question, Brian and John continued their conversation a few feet down the hall.
“I’m not interested in talking to you,” Jesse heard John comment angrily.
“That’s great,” Brian retorted, disregarding John’s declaration, “but we don’t always get what we want. Look, I know what happened between you and Jesse. I know you’re upset, I would be, too, but you can’t let this go on!”
John snorted. “This isn’t-”
“It’s my business,” Brian objected before he could finish, “because I have to pick up his pieces when you’re done handing them to him!”
John laughed. “Right, this is my fault,” he agreed sarcastically.
Jesse could almost picture Brian’s eyes rolling in annoyance. “I don’t care whose fault it is. If you want to blame somebody, blame me. I know you think I’m the world’s biggest asshole, and maybe you’re right, but I care about Jess. I just want to see him happy.” Jesse felt heat flush to his cheeks at Brian’s sentiment.
Clarissa popped her head up again from her search and handed him a paper. “Here’s the assignment. Do you want me to photocopy it for you?”
“Well, I can do it and give it back to you tomorrow if you want. Do you have that article for English, too?” She looked puzzled, and Jesse explained facetiously, “My head’s been in the clouds lately. I forget where I put that, too,” his laugh was high and nervous, but she bought it. She bent down to search again.
“Why are you talking to me about this?” John demanded of Brian.
“I know, we’re supposed to be rivals or something. You’re supposed to hate me because I stole him away from you. Well John, fuck, this isn’t about me. I’m not doing this to spite you.” Jesse caught the edge of anger in Brian’s voice.
“You just don’t want him to be an emo bitch because his best friend won’t talk to him,” John guessed. Jesse cursed the day he told John that Brian had said that.
Brian didn’t seem to like that. “No! I want him to be happy!” he cried in a contained explosion of irritation. “I don’t care what it takes, John. He waited for you last night! For three hours! He sat in his garage with his guitar all by himself, waiting because he thought you might show up. He waited for you to call all weekend! He’s a wreck without you, John,” Brian’s voice grew soft as he spoke until he was pleading with John. Jesse buried his face further into Clarissa’s locker because the redness of humiliation in his face couldn’t but act like a beacon to draw their attention to him.
“Look, Brian, I have to go,” John said, stepping away, into Jesse’s view from behind Clarissa.
“Can you just call him? Please!” Brian cried. John shook his head and walked away. “John!” Brian yelled down the hall, but the boy didn’t look back.
***
Jesse smiled at Brian, who was waiting for him at his locker when he arrived, a few minutes late. He wasn’t sure how to feel about the conversation he’d witnessed, so he thought it wise not to say he had seen anything.
Brian accompanied Jesse home, and Jesse’s mother asked him to stay for dinner, but afterwards they disappeared into Jesse’s bedroom to do “homework.”
Jesse locked the door behind him and joined Brian on the bed. He still hadn’t figured out how exactly to prompt himself out of the sulk he had been in since last week. Not for the first time he wondered why Brian put up with him.
“I wish there was something I could do to make you happy,” Brian told him, brushing his hair back and kissing him softly.
“I don’t know why you put up with me,” he commented honestly when they pulled apart.
“Because you’re wonderful,” Brian responded. Jesse laughed. “It’s true,” he retorted defensively.
Jesse shook his head. “I’m sorry I’ve been so lame for the last week.” Brian answered him with another peck to the lips. “Did you want to… do something?”
“Like what?”
Jesse shrugged. “Watch a movie or play video games or something?”
Brian shook his head. “Whatever you want to do is fine.”
“I don’t feel much like doing anything,” he muttered softly.
“Then we can just lay here and listen to music,” he offered, flopping down on Jesse’s bed. Jesse tried to smile but was unsuccessful until Brian pulled him down to join him. Brian pressed his lips to Jesse’s, which was all that prevented him from returning to the eternal sulk in which he’d become accustomed to existing. “Is there anything you… want me to do for you?” Brian asked, seriously. Jesse raised an eyebrow.
“Like what?”
Brian smirked. “Something that might make you feel better.” His hand betrayed his meaning as it slid down to Jesse’s stomach and rested there.
Jesse laughed even as the blood pounded through his veins with greater purpose. “Are you offering me sex in exchange for a smile?”
Brian’s smile answered for him. He bent down and licked along Jesse’s collarbone, inciting a sigh from his moping boyfriend. “I want to make you happy,” Brian told him. “I want you to be happy, and I would love to be the person to make it happen.” He pulled Jesse’s earlobe with his teeth. “Just tell me what you want.”
Jesse couldn’t help but smile. Brian was too adorable. “You don’t have to do anything. It makes me happy that you’re here.”
“But you’re miserable,” Brian objected, kissing his chin.
Jesse shrugged. “That’s not your fault. I’m just-”
“Depressed. Upset. Lonely without your best friend,” Brian finished for him.
“Hey,” Jesse propped himself up. “It’s not your fault, Brian.” The other boy didn’t look like he believed him. “You don’t have any reason to feel guilty or like you have to-”
“I don’t have to do anything. I want to make you feel good.”
Jesse ignored the request. “I don’t want you thinking that I want John in the way I want you, or that I’m upset that things didn’t turn out the other way. I want to be with you,” he verified.
“I know. I know that. But you’re so unhappy all the time, Jess,” Brian sighed and rolled onto his back. “Yes, I won. I get to keep you, but you’re miserable without John, and it’s definitely my fault he decided he’s too good to be your friend.” Brian shrugged. “So if it means you’ll be happy for a little while, I’ll…” Brian rolled his eyes with a mischievous grin, leaving the sentence unfinished. “I can’t be John, your bestest best friend since grade school. But I can be Brian, your boyfriend, who likes the noises you make when he kisses you, and touches you.” He rolled back over and manoeuvred into a convenient position to allow for easier access to Jesse’s mouth.
Jesse’s lips parted for Brian’s tongue. He sighed into the kiss because Brian really did get to him in all the important ways. Brian’s hands drew paths down Jesse’s chest, tracing the letters on his shirt with his fingertips. Jesse felt intoxicated, like he always did when he kissed Brian. That boy had some kind of mojo. Jesse always felt drunk with lust whenever he was nearby. He couldn’t touch Brian without feeling that electric shock that accompanied every contact. He was good at one thing, though, and that was making Jesse forget that he was supposed to be depressed.
Jesse moaned around the finger that traced his lips, tongue darting out to touch it. Brian’s moan rang out in the silence of the bedroom, too. His eyes opened slowly, pupils dilated with desire. “How do you do that?”
“Do what?” Jesse asked with another kiss.
“I’m trying to seduce you, and you go and do something so unbelievably hot that I’m the poor bastard moaning and writhing!”
Jesse shrugged, then with wide, innocent eyes, he drew Brian’ whole index finger, still positioned near his lips, into his mouth, licking and sucking on it like it wasn’t a finger at all.
“Fuck,” Brian breathed when Jesse let go. “Are you sure you’ve never had a boyfriend before?”
A knock on the door surprised them both. Jesse’s heart leapt into his throat thinking that his mother or father had heard them talking, or worse, moaning! Jesse’s better sense told him that they’d been cautious and quiet and there was no way anyone could have heard them through the door. He stood. Giving Brian a precious few seconds to compose himself in front of his math book, which he just fished out of his backpack.
The look on Jesse’s face as he opened the door was one of confused awe. He didn’t even speak, because he was sure he was imagining that John was actually standing in front of him, had actually willingly come into his house to speak with him. Jesse finally got over it and his mouth opened slightly to say something, but John beat him to it.
“I… I was hoping we could talk. If this is a bad time-” he glanced behind Jesse at Brian.
“I was just on my way home,” Brian called, thrusting his book into his bag again and jumping up from the bed. “Call me later,” he told Jesse, patting his shoulder as he brushed past and ran down the stairs.
Jesse swallowed and stepped aside for his friend to come in.
[Author] dejectedmadness
[Rating] Eventually NC-17. This chapter… PG-13 for boykissing/touching/sexual contact.
[Chapter Listing] .:1:. .:2:. .:3:. .:4:. .:5:. .:6:. .:7:. .:8:. 9/?
[Disclaimer] I am posting fanFICTION. Neither the characters nor the ideas belong to me, just the plot specific to this story. No profit is being made off of this fiction, it is being written solely for my entertainment and for the entertainment of others as warped as I am. Don't sue.
[Band/Pairing] Brand New/Straylight Run, Jesse Lacey/Brian Lane, Jesse Lacey/John Nolan
[Summary] Jesse makes a new friend about whom John is not particularly fond for reasons as yet only speculated upon.
[X-Posted] rockinthebed, slashypunkboys, _brand_new_love, lacey_loves_jno
[Author’s Notes] This isn’t intended to be particularly AU, although it is a high school fic, and it has some anachronistic tendencies.
Ripped off QAF and Sorority Boys within two paragraphs! I rock!
This chapter took so bloody long to write! I am sorry. I had exams, and then when I went home for Christmas holidays I forgot to email myself the story and therefore needed to start writing something new to tide me over until I could get back home. But here it is, and it is a little bit long. It covers a lot of bases, though, so I think it’s worthy of being a bit late. Still sorry.
It was dark when Jesse opened his eyes, but not, he realized, because it was late. The clock read 4:30 pm, which meant that the reason Brian was not laying on the mattress next to him was because he had shut the blinds to let Jesse sleep and was off doing something. Not that Jesse wasn’t grateful- he was exhausted by the lack of sleep he’d gotten the night before thanks to the worry that had been plaguing him from John’s untimely discovery of Jesse and Brian’s secret relationship- but he preferred to wake up with his boyfriend next to him, especially when he was sleeping in his bed, where said boyfriend had been laying approximately four hours ago. Jesse rolled onto his back and rubbed his eyes. The room, though darkened by the drawn curtains, was bright enough for him to see that Brian was nowhere in sight.
Jesse took a few minutes to wake up, trying not to let himself fall back to sleep despite the warmth and comfort of the dark room. It helped that his stomach rumbled; he hadn’t eaten lunch. He slung his legs over the edge of the bed and forced himself to his feet.
The sunlight pouring in through the open doors of the other bedrooms down the hall blinded Jesse when he stumbled to the stairs and descended. The sun was setting outside, bathing him in the red and orange glow of the dying light. The harsh brightness didn’t improve as Jesse continued downwards.
He didn’t find Brian in either the kitchen or the living room. He checked the den, and then continued down into the basement. He stepped through the laundry room, the door to which he had found closed, and found Brian curled in the chair with his calculator and math text, but Brian’s eyes weren’t studying anything but the backs of his eyelids. The pencil had fallen from his fingers and lay forgotten on the floor. Jesse smiled and shut the door behind him again as he entered the room. He took the book from Brian’s lap, closing it on the handful of notes that Brian had taken from his binder and the assignment page that had been lying on top. He set the book on the floor beside the chair and sat on the arm, careful not to disturb the sleeping boy. Jesse brushed Brian’s longish bangs from his forehead and traced his sideburns down to his jaw, trailing his finger to his chin and then up to his lips. Brian’s breathing changed and his lips parted. Jesse smiled and bent to kiss him. He wasn’t shocked when Brian kissed back.
“I thought you were sleeping.”
Brian opened his eyes and smiled. “I was.”
“Couldn’t sleep with me?”
“I did. Then I woke up and came down here to do homework without waking you up. Apparently math is boring.”
“Apparently. How would you wake me up doing your homework in your bedroom?”
Brian chuckled sleepily. “I curse a lot when I can’t add.” Jesse grinned. “Did you sleep ok?”
Jesse shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m still tired.”
“You can go back to sleep.”
“I won’t sleep tonight, if I do that.”
Brian shrugged and smirked, pulling Jesse into his lap with a lingering kiss. “If you’re staying over, I promise you won’t be sleeping, anyway.”
Jesse laughed and straddled Brian’s lap, relaxing into the kisses. It felt so good to just let Brian’s lips and hands take away all his worries. Jesse opened his mouth to Brian’s tongue and laced his fingers through his hair; Brian had such soft hair, even though it was always in his face. Jesse wished he could let his hair grow as much- not that Brian meant for it to be so long, it was more due to laziness than ambition to be stylish- but as soon as Jesse’s was more than a few inches long it was a giant fuzzy ball of curls, and unless he straightened it every day (which would be impossible in a house full of kids all needing the bathroom to get ready for school in the morning) it was a disaster.
Jesse slid closer on Brian’s lap with a sigh. The drummer’s hands clasped Jesse’s thighs. He shifted in his seat. Jesse wriggled again and learned why. He grinned. He loved being able to do what he could do to Brian. Someday soon, Jesse was going to hold him down and do things to him that made the other boy curse and beg. ‘Oh,’ Jesse thought, ‘that would be perfect.’ He was becoming aroused, himself.
Brian’s hands dipped under the back of Jesse’s shirt and their heat burned his back. The guitarist moved, shifted his hips forward to press his crotch against Brian’s, and Brian’s hands clenched, gripping his skin in what would be an uncomfortable manner if Jesse had not been so thoroughly turned on that pain was magically transformed into pleasure and the intense desire for more.
Jesse released Brian’s lips and nudged his head back so that he could lick and kiss his pale expanse of neck. Brian moaned as his head lolled against the cushion of the chair.
“I am definitely liking getting used to you doing stuff like this to me,” Brian whispered to Jesse.
Jesse didn’t answer, but tugged Brian’s earlobe between his teeth. His hands slid down Brian’s chest, then stretched to follow his arms, forcing Brian’s hands off of him in the process. Brian sat with his arms stretched out to his sides, as Jesse silently instructed him, directed him, to let Jesse do what he wanted without interfering.
Jesse entwined his fingers in Brian’s and drew his hands near again, but he pushed them back against the chair. He did his best to fold Brian’s hands over themselves, pressed firmly against the back of his head. Brian seemed to understand the unspoken order and clasped his hands behind his neck. Jesse was satisfied that his friend wouldn’t be moving from where he’d left him. He gently bit Brian’s neck and used his now-free hands to raise his shirt.
The drummer was panting now. His eyes were closed as he enjoyed the sensation of Jesse’s fingers teasing his nipples, and his hot breath as he licked and sucked more forcefully, without fear of leaving marks, down his chest and stomach.
Brian moaned when Jesse’s lips closed over his nipple, and cried out when he bit and pulled. He was completely erect, now; Jesse could feel the stiffness pressing firmly against him as he rocked his hips into Brian’s, receiving another whimper for his efforts. Yes, Jesse liked being able to do this to him.
A bang sounded as the laundry room door opened. Jesse launched up from Brian’s lap, tripping over the book he’d left on the floor and ending up on his ass. He wasn’t too preoccupied with falling to notice the howls of laughter coming from the other side of the room and the curly-haired, big-eyed boy doubled over, framed by the light cascading down the stairs.
“Garrett, you’re a fucking asshole!” Brian cast at his friend with as much anger as he could muster. The humour was catching. “I thought you were Mom!”
“Jesus Christ,” Jesse cursed breathily, his heart racing.
Garrett had to steady himself on the doorframe. “Oh my God! You just-you just fucking flew out of his lap! That was the best thing I’ve ever seen! Were you blowing him or something?”
Jesse’s face was so hot that he thought it might be purple.
“Not yet,” Brian muttered. “But if you’d given us ten minutes….”
Jesse covered his face with his hands in mortification.
Garrett’s mouth dropped open, and he shuddered in revulsion. “Augh, Brian! Don’t tell me shit like that! I don’t want to know what sexual deviancy you’re up to with your boyfriend!”
Jesse peeked out from behind his fingers at Brian. Wait. Garrett knew? He looked at Brian in confusion.
“You told him?”
Brian shrugged. “I told Garrett and Mike both.”
“As if he needed to! Fuck, we’ve known for weeks!” Garrett exclaimed. “All he ever does is go on about you! As if it wasn’t the most fucking obvious-”
Jesse’s brow furrowed. “This… hasn’t been going on for weeks,” Jesse said slowly.
Garrett rolled his eyes and held out a hand to help Jesse up from the floor, which Jesse took gratefully. “That doesn’t mean he hasn’t been going on about you like a thirteen year old girl with a crush since he met you. It was only a matter of time.”
Jesse beamed at Brian. He was enduring his red-faced humiliation with as much dignity as he could; he bore a petulant expression and had averted his eyes, focusing on the pattern of the fabric on his chair. “You went on and on about me?” Jesse asked, touching his shoulder softly, smoothing down the wrinkles in his shirt.
Brian glanced up at him and shrugged, picking invisible fuzz off the arm of the chair. “Yeah, well….” He obviously had no good retort for that. Jesse stretched his hand further to the back of Brian’s neck. The touch of skin made Brian’s shoulders relax a little, although Jesse could feel the extreme heat of his blush. Brian glanced up at Jesse and returned his silly grin. He tilted his head to nuzzle into Jesse’s arm.
“So how long did it take for you to finally start eating each other’s faces?” Garrett asked, drawing their attention back to him. He sat on Brian’s drum stool. “Let me guess. By the way you were obviously about to take his clothes off just now, I’d say you got started… Saturday.”
Jesse blushed. “Friday,” he corrected.
Brian held up a finger. “Midnight Friday.”
“So Saturday,” Garrett proclaimed. “I am never wrong!”
“How did you get in, by the way?” Brian asked, somewhat belatedly, in Jesse’s opinion.
“Your door was unlocked. I rang the doorbell, but obviously you were too busy to answer. You were at school with the car today… well, this morning. You mysteriously missed History this afternoon. But the car was here, so I knew you were probably home. Figured I’d come over a little early for practice.” He tapped the bass drum pedal a couple of times lightly. “So have you guys eaten yet? I’m starving!”
“The doorbell doesn’t ring in the basement; I didn’t hear it,” Brian justified. “I skipped the rest of the day with Jesse after English this morning.”
“Figures,” Garrett said. “So? Food?”
“We haven’t eaten. You were planning to feed me, right?” Jesse asked his boyfriend.
Brian smirked. “If we’d had an extra ten minutes….” Brian winked.
Garrett gagged. “Man, that is so gross! I hope he feeds you more than big juicy cock, Jesse, or I’d be running for the hills if I were you.”
“He’s right,” Jesse commented, smoothing Brian’s hair. “Some of my protein needs to come from a plate.”
Garrett jumped up. “Come on! I’m going through your fridge or calling for pizza.”
Brian cleared his throat. “Uh… I’m good… sitting… for a bit. Go on without me.”
Garrett glanced down at Brian’s lap and then spun around covering his eyes. “Oh God! Dude! You are not allowed to have an erection when I am in the room! It’s in the fucking rulebook! Get rid of it!”
“Sorry, it’s not a switch!” Brian mumbled in renewed humiliation. He covered his face with his hands.
Jesse smirked as Garrett started jumping and yelling about gross boy-sex.
“You know what would solve this problem?” Jesse asked. “You leaving the room,” he raised a pointed eyebrow in Garrett’s direction. Garrett stopped bouncing to stare at Jesse in disbelief.
“You- you’re going to- ah! Ah! Gross!” Garrett was so busy freaking out that he made no move for the door. Jesse shrugged and proceeded to straddle Brian’s legs on the chair again. “Oh my God! Wait until I leave!” Garrett tripped over the same book in the middle of the floor on his way to the door. He closed it behind him and they heard his footsteps pound against the stairs on his way up to the kitchen.
Jesse laughed and smiled at Brian. “Your friends took this a lot better than my friends did. They’re more fun about it, too.”
Brian grinned. “Garrett can be counted on to amuse and annoy always. But he’s very open, and he has always been really cool about my sexuality.”
Jesse kissed Brian. Okay, it might have been abrupt, but Jesse just couldn’t help himself. He was in Brian’s lap, and even if the whole purpose was to get a rise out of Garrett, he couldn’t resist those quirked lips and that hot tongue between his teeth.
Brian was the one to pull back. “You know… we don’t have to… do anything. I mean… I know you said-”
“Relax. Fooling around is not going to happen just to freak out your friends. We were just playing. We don’t have to do anything. I just… well, I’m here already, and I like kissing you. We don’t have to do anything at all.” Jesse shrugged. “I can even leave if you want.” He moved as if to get up and go, but Brian grabbed his wrist.
“Hey,” he smiled, “that’s no good.”
“No?” Jesse asked with a return smirk.
“No. You should stay right here.”
Jesse pressed his lips to Brian’s again. “Mm,” he said. “Okay. But shouldn’t you be trying to… de-excite yourself?”
Brian shrugged. “Garrett came over uninvited. He can wait until I’m good and ready to de-excite myself.”
Jesse beamed at him and entwined his fingers with Brian’s, pinning his hands back against the chair. “Hmm. Then where were we?”
***
Brian’s mother gave the ok for Jesse to stay over one more night, considering band practice lasted until nearly eleven, what with the excitement of writing a new song. Jesse’s fingers were actually sore by the time Garrett and Mike left. He hadn’t played for so long and so hard that his hands actually hurt since before John and Shaun and he had started having regular band practices on Monday nights. He couldn’t help but feel pleased about it, though. It wasn’t like he didn’t get recognition for writing songs for Taking Back Sunday, but it felt exciting and new to have Brian’s friends gushing about something he wrote. Jesse and Brian had managed to transform the song from an inside joke between the two of them into something playable. They’d added bass and more guitar to the song because, as Jesse had admitted before, he was a tweak freak, and he loved to find some little addition that gave the song that extra something.
After everyone left, though, it was all Jesse could do to clear his mind. With the distractions of friends and music, it was easier, although not truly easy, to forget that John wasn’t speaking to him and that his world was crashing down around him. When he and Brian were sitting in the dim light of his bedroom, though, it was the only thing on his mind.
“Hey,” Brian said, sitting beside him with an outstretched arm on Jesse’s shoulder. “You’re thinking too much,” he warned.
Jesse shrugged. “I’m good at thinking.”
“Well if that’s the only reason you’re doing it, I’m sure we could find something else more fun to do that you’re good at.” Jesse barely cracked a grin. Brian frowned and slid behind him so he could put his arm around Jesse’s waist, resting his hand on his thigh, and placed his chin on his shoulder. “Look, everything is going to be okay. Tomorrow you can go to school and talk to John again, and maybe he’ll be okay. Maybe you can just act like it never happened and everything can go back to normal.”
Jesse shook his head. “You didn’t see him. I’ve never seen John act like that before. We never fight. If we do, it’s usually just, you know, I punch him in the face, he kicks me in the balls, and it’s fine.”
“You know, for a small guy, he seems to have a lot of rage in him.” Jesse still didn’t smile, even though Brian was trying to crack a joke, so the drummer turned serious. “I’m sorry you’re going through this because of me,” he muttered into Jesse’s back.
Jesse leaned away from Brian so the boy could take his chin off his shoulder and their eyes could meet. “I don’t want you to blame yourself.”
Brian shrugged and looked away. “Well it’s my fault, isn’t it? If it wasn’t for me, none of this would have happened.”
“Yeah, but then I’d have been stuck in the closet for the rest of my life, and I’m not fond of mothballs.” Brian smirked. Jesse tried to, also, but despite his maintained sense of humour, he didn’t find his lame joke very funny. “There’s nothing either of us could have done differently to prevent this from happening.”
“See?” Brian nudged him. “Not your fault either.”
“No, it’s not. But I still feel like shit.”
Brian pulled Jesse into a hug. “Just try to think positively. Maybe tomorrow everything will work out.”
***
Everything did not work out. In fact, for a week things were tense and tough for Jesse. John had taken to eating lunch with Shaun and some of his other friends. In classes, he did his best to change seats if the teacher permitted it, and when he was forced to remain where he had been, he was adamant in his hostility toward Jesse. Hardly a word was spoken between them besides “excuse me” or “can you hand me that test tube?” but the firm set of his jaw and the grinding of teeth that Jesse could hear from his seat was more than enough indication that John was not about to ask Jesse to kiss and make up.
When the weekend arrived, the only thing Jesse wanted to do was curl up with Brian and sulk, but he knew better than to think Brian wanted to comfort him in his depression when he could be out at the movies or shopping at the mall or something, so he opted to stay home with the excuse that he wanted to be around just in case John decided to call.
Monday was no different for the musician. He went to class and spoke hardly a word to his best friend, sat alone at lunch, and walked back to his house after class. He ate a silent dinner with his family and then brought his guitar into the garage.
Jesse had known before he set up the equipment that it was a long shot to expect John to show up, but he waited anyway. He sat on his amp with his guitar in hand, tuned and ready to go, but he didn’t play a single note, and until quarter after nine, the door didn’t open.
“Ahem,” Brian said. “My mom told me to come see if you wanted to come over tonight.” Jesse didn’t look at him. “I told her you and John are fighting when she asked why she didn’t see you this weekend.” Jesse didn’t speak, so Brian came into the room, closing the door behind him and took the other corner of Jesse’s amp for his own seat. “I guess they didn’t come, huh?” Jesse shook his head. Brian was silent for a long time, until Jesse finally reached down and flicked off the power on his amp.
Brian helped him put everything away, back against the wall as usual, and Jesse led him into the house to ask his mom if he could go over there for the night. With a sympathetic nod- for Jesse’s depressed countenance and John’s absence spoke volumes to her- she agreed.
***
Jesse dragged his feet at school the next day. As much as John tried to ignore and avoid him, he did the same. He didn’t want to meet the other boy’s gaze, because what if it was written all over his face that he waited for hours the previous night for John to arrive with his guitar, that he was dying a little bit inside for the way that John was suddenly not a part of Jesse’s life after so many years of inseparability? So Jesse ate lunch outside that day-though it was damn cold and he had to wear gloves and a hat to do it- instead of in the cafeteria where he was sure to see his friends laughing and talking without him, he didn’t even acknowledge John’s presence, although he sat beside him in most classes, and walking down the hall, upon seeing his face, Jesse turned the nearest corner to escape. He wasn’t sure why he bothered, since John’s evasion of him should have been enough to prevent unwanted contact between the two, but it was effective, because as Jesse was headed to his locker after his last class, he was sure he hadn’t seen or heard anything from John all day.
Jesse turned the next corner on his way to his locker, though, and the first image that popped out at him from the crowd of people hurrying by was the face of his former best friend as he stepped out of a class just ahead of Jesse and turned to walk in the same direction about twenty feet in front of him. Jesse didn’t stop, because, really, where would he go? Any change in direction on his part would seem active evasion, considering the only way to get to his locker was to continue straight ahead down the hall.
He tried to slow his pace, but the action’s effectiveness was somewhat diminished by the fact that the steady flow of people slowed around him as students stopped in front of their lockers or paused to talk to friends. John was still twenty feet ahead. Jesse tried not to look at him and continued walking the same as he had been.
Jesse sighed in relief as John turned the next corner, but it was too soon, because the boy turned back abruptly and strode back the way he came with a purposeful set to his shoulders and a strange determination that confused Jesse until, upon second glance, Jesse saw something he hadn’t expected.
“Hey!” Brian’s voice called, but he wasn’t speaking to Jesse. He jogged a few steps forward and caught John by the arm.
“Let go,” John shrugged him off.
“Stop for a second and let me talk to you,” Brian ordered.
Jesse stopped amidst the throng of people. Like a rock in a river, the flow parted around him and continued down the hall, although not without a few wayward curses at him for blocking the road. He stepped to the side, hiding behind a girl standing there with her locker open.
“Hey, Jesse!” she said to him with a cheerful grin and a flip of her curly blond locks over her shoulder. He smiled at her in easily hidden surprise.
“Hey, Clarissa,” he sputtered, trying to conjure an excuse to be taking refuge in her locker. “Um, do you have that assignment sheet for math? I can’t find mine,” he said to stall for time. As she sought in her locker for the article in question, Brian and John continued their conversation a few feet down the hall.
“I’m not interested in talking to you,” Jesse heard John comment angrily.
“That’s great,” Brian retorted, disregarding John’s declaration, “but we don’t always get what we want. Look, I know what happened between you and Jesse. I know you’re upset, I would be, too, but you can’t let this go on!”
John snorted. “This isn’t-”
“It’s my business,” Brian objected before he could finish, “because I have to pick up his pieces when you’re done handing them to him!”
John laughed. “Right, this is my fault,” he agreed sarcastically.
Jesse could almost picture Brian’s eyes rolling in annoyance. “I don’t care whose fault it is. If you want to blame somebody, blame me. I know you think I’m the world’s biggest asshole, and maybe you’re right, but I care about Jess. I just want to see him happy.” Jesse felt heat flush to his cheeks at Brian’s sentiment.
Clarissa popped her head up again from her search and handed him a paper. “Here’s the assignment. Do you want me to photocopy it for you?”
“Well, I can do it and give it back to you tomorrow if you want. Do you have that article for English, too?” She looked puzzled, and Jesse explained facetiously, “My head’s been in the clouds lately. I forget where I put that, too,” his laugh was high and nervous, but she bought it. She bent down to search again.
“Why are you talking to me about this?” John demanded of Brian.
“I know, we’re supposed to be rivals or something. You’re supposed to hate me because I stole him away from you. Well John, fuck, this isn’t about me. I’m not doing this to spite you.” Jesse caught the edge of anger in Brian’s voice.
“You just don’t want him to be an emo bitch because his best friend won’t talk to him,” John guessed. Jesse cursed the day he told John that Brian had said that.
Brian didn’t seem to like that. “No! I want him to be happy!” he cried in a contained explosion of irritation. “I don’t care what it takes, John. He waited for you last night! For three hours! He sat in his garage with his guitar all by himself, waiting because he thought you might show up. He waited for you to call all weekend! He’s a wreck without you, John,” Brian’s voice grew soft as he spoke until he was pleading with John. Jesse buried his face further into Clarissa’s locker because the redness of humiliation in his face couldn’t but act like a beacon to draw their attention to him.
“Look, Brian, I have to go,” John said, stepping away, into Jesse’s view from behind Clarissa.
“Can you just call him? Please!” Brian cried. John shook his head and walked away. “John!” Brian yelled down the hall, but the boy didn’t look back.
***
Jesse smiled at Brian, who was waiting for him at his locker when he arrived, a few minutes late. He wasn’t sure how to feel about the conversation he’d witnessed, so he thought it wise not to say he had seen anything.
Brian accompanied Jesse home, and Jesse’s mother asked him to stay for dinner, but afterwards they disappeared into Jesse’s bedroom to do “homework.”
Jesse locked the door behind him and joined Brian on the bed. He still hadn’t figured out how exactly to prompt himself out of the sulk he had been in since last week. Not for the first time he wondered why Brian put up with him.
“I wish there was something I could do to make you happy,” Brian told him, brushing his hair back and kissing him softly.
“I don’t know why you put up with me,” he commented honestly when they pulled apart.
“Because you’re wonderful,” Brian responded. Jesse laughed. “It’s true,” he retorted defensively.
Jesse shook his head. “I’m sorry I’ve been so lame for the last week.” Brian answered him with another peck to the lips. “Did you want to… do something?”
“Like what?”
Jesse shrugged. “Watch a movie or play video games or something?”
Brian shook his head. “Whatever you want to do is fine.”
“I don’t feel much like doing anything,” he muttered softly.
“Then we can just lay here and listen to music,” he offered, flopping down on Jesse’s bed. Jesse tried to smile but was unsuccessful until Brian pulled him down to join him. Brian pressed his lips to Jesse’s, which was all that prevented him from returning to the eternal sulk in which he’d become accustomed to existing. “Is there anything you… want me to do for you?” Brian asked, seriously. Jesse raised an eyebrow.
“Like what?”
Brian smirked. “Something that might make you feel better.” His hand betrayed his meaning as it slid down to Jesse’s stomach and rested there.
Jesse laughed even as the blood pounded through his veins with greater purpose. “Are you offering me sex in exchange for a smile?”
Brian’s smile answered for him. He bent down and licked along Jesse’s collarbone, inciting a sigh from his moping boyfriend. “I want to make you happy,” Brian told him. “I want you to be happy, and I would love to be the person to make it happen.” He pulled Jesse’s earlobe with his teeth. “Just tell me what you want.”
Jesse couldn’t help but smile. Brian was too adorable. “You don’t have to do anything. It makes me happy that you’re here.”
“But you’re miserable,” Brian objected, kissing his chin.
Jesse shrugged. “That’s not your fault. I’m just-”
“Depressed. Upset. Lonely without your best friend,” Brian finished for him.
“Hey,” Jesse propped himself up. “It’s not your fault, Brian.” The other boy didn’t look like he believed him. “You don’t have any reason to feel guilty or like you have to-”
“I don’t have to do anything. I want to make you feel good.”
Jesse ignored the request. “I don’t want you thinking that I want John in the way I want you, or that I’m upset that things didn’t turn out the other way. I want to be with you,” he verified.
“I know. I know that. But you’re so unhappy all the time, Jess,” Brian sighed and rolled onto his back. “Yes, I won. I get to keep you, but you’re miserable without John, and it’s definitely my fault he decided he’s too good to be your friend.” Brian shrugged. “So if it means you’ll be happy for a little while, I’ll…” Brian rolled his eyes with a mischievous grin, leaving the sentence unfinished. “I can’t be John, your bestest best friend since grade school. But I can be Brian, your boyfriend, who likes the noises you make when he kisses you, and touches you.” He rolled back over and manoeuvred into a convenient position to allow for easier access to Jesse’s mouth.
Jesse’s lips parted for Brian’s tongue. He sighed into the kiss because Brian really did get to him in all the important ways. Brian’s hands drew paths down Jesse’s chest, tracing the letters on his shirt with his fingertips. Jesse felt intoxicated, like he always did when he kissed Brian. That boy had some kind of mojo. Jesse always felt drunk with lust whenever he was nearby. He couldn’t touch Brian without feeling that electric shock that accompanied every contact. He was good at one thing, though, and that was making Jesse forget that he was supposed to be depressed.
Jesse moaned around the finger that traced his lips, tongue darting out to touch it. Brian’s moan rang out in the silence of the bedroom, too. His eyes opened slowly, pupils dilated with desire. “How do you do that?”
“Do what?” Jesse asked with another kiss.
“I’m trying to seduce you, and you go and do something so unbelievably hot that I’m the poor bastard moaning and writhing!”
Jesse shrugged, then with wide, innocent eyes, he drew Brian’ whole index finger, still positioned near his lips, into his mouth, licking and sucking on it like it wasn’t a finger at all.
“Fuck,” Brian breathed when Jesse let go. “Are you sure you’ve never had a boyfriend before?”
A knock on the door surprised them both. Jesse’s heart leapt into his throat thinking that his mother or father had heard them talking, or worse, moaning! Jesse’s better sense told him that they’d been cautious and quiet and there was no way anyone could have heard them through the door. He stood. Giving Brian a precious few seconds to compose himself in front of his math book, which he just fished out of his backpack.
The look on Jesse’s face as he opened the door was one of confused awe. He didn’t even speak, because he was sure he was imagining that John was actually standing in front of him, had actually willingly come into his house to speak with him. Jesse finally got over it and his mouth opened slightly to say something, but John beat him to it.
“I… I was hoping we could talk. If this is a bad time-” he glanced behind Jesse at Brian.
“I was just on my way home,” Brian called, thrusting his book into his bag again and jumping up from the bed. “Call me later,” he told Jesse, patting his shoulder as he brushed past and ran down the stairs.
Jesse swallowed and stepped aside for his friend to come in.