Two Gray Days (page 2)
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Two days… It hadn’t felt like two days.
Steve had thought about that as they flew back towards New York City and he continued thinking about it as he climbed out of the Quinjet and headed towards his room. Tony hadn’t been forthcoming about any details of their disappearance and Steve took that as a sign that they wouldn’t tell the others, at least not yet.
He was fine with that.
However, it was safe to divulge a smidgen of information, such as that their stay on the ‘gray side’, as they called it for the time being, hadn’t seemed all that long.
“Perhaps time moved differently there, or the portal just took you to a half-way point between two spaces,” Hank Pym theorized. He sounded way too excited about it.
Tony had disappeared as soon as was possible, without a word. No one seemed surprised by this but the team ganged up on Steve with questions as they walked the wide halls.
“You can’t just not tell us what happened on the other side,” Carol insisted. She sounded concerned now that S.W.O.R.D. agents weren’t around them; she could be worried as a fellow Avenger, not as a member of the Sentient World Observation and Response Department.
“Yeah,” Clint agreed. “Was it so horrible you’re both too scared to talk about it?”
“We’re both alive, which should be enough for all of you. We’ll talk about it if we feel the need,” Steve snapped. He was tiring of the company of others and they sensed it, allowing him to take the next turn and head to his room.
After throwing his shield on the bed he stripped out of the uniform, giving it a long look before leaving it on the floor and heading towards the bathroom. He stepped into the shower cabin without delays or side-trips. As he started the water, he imagined the last of the unseen marks vanishing from his skin. He palmed a bar of soap, beginning to wash his body methodically, yet found himself stopping as his hand reached his stomach.
The memory of a touch not his own was vivid in his mind and he grasped himself just to throw back the phantom sensation. The gray space was gone. There was no one here but him.
Steve looked down at himself, recognizing his hand holding his cock, familiar and something he could control. That was the problem, however; it was too familiar. He wondered if Tony felt the same, that he couldn’t distance himself enough to find actual purchase against the fresh memory of being used against his will.
With an unhappy frown Steve proceeded to wash himself, toweling off hastily then throwing on a t-shirt and sweatpants. He went to his door, listened behind it for a good two minutes then opened it carefully, soundlessly, and made his way down the hall he hoped was empty. Many of the Avengers moved about silently and while most of them might just ignore him, he didn’t want to risk it. He took the back stairs up and entered another hallway, selecting a door he knew led to Tony’s room.
He knocked softly, waiting and listening. There was no sound from the inside. Perhaps Tony wasn’t in his room; he could have gone downstairs to work on his suit, or just work out, although those options might put him in the same space with other people and he clearly had wanted some time alone. Perhaps he had left entirely, going back to the Stark Tower.
Needing to make sure, just in case Tony was in his room and just refusing to answer, Steve tried the handle. The door opened and he pushed it open further, peering inside. He could hear the shower, faint through the bathroom door, and he stepped inside, closing the door behind him and locking it. He didn’t know what exactly compelled him to do that, to enter Tony’s space without an invitation, but he walked over to the door of the bathroom and knocked again.
“Tony, it’s me,” he called out, knowing the other man might ignore him otherwise.
There was no reply but the shower was still running steadily.
Steve pulled the door open and stepped inside. The air was humid and warm, a bit foggy, briefly reminding him of the gray side but the lights were bright and he could make out every piece of furniture, every object around the room. And at the far end, under the shower, sat Tony; his knees were pulled up, arms wrapped around them, head resting against the tops of his thighs.
He knew better than to say anything, to show pity or attempt to make it better; Steve knew how he would react if something had tried those things on him.
Tony lifted his head, acknowledging that he knew Steve was there. His brown eyes seemed troubled, haunted. Steve’s mind flashed back to the moment in the gray, of the other man looking at him, lying on the ground after his climax. It was as if Tony had reminded himself at that very moment that he wasn’t alone - and that Steve wasn’t either. That they hadn’t been able to help themselves or each other but they didn’t have to face it alone. It didn’t take away the twinge of shame, of the humiliation and violation of one’s being, but they didn’t have to deal with the aftermath alone. The others wouldn’t understand, not easily, but he and Tony were on the same page about what had happened, even if it had been slightly different for each of them.
Steve shuffled over, tugging off his shirt and pants, then stepped into the shower and turned so he could sit down beside Tony. Their naked bodies touched slightly, the water falling hot and steady on top of them, a cluster of small drops spreading, sliding along their skins and away, never lingering as gravity pulled them along and down the drain.
“Do you keep thinking about it?” Tony asked after a bit.
“Yeah,” Steve admitted.
They didn’t look at each other.
“Me too,” Tony went on after a while. His hands shifted, uncurling from around his legs, twisting. Steve’s eyes followed the motion, seeing bruises. Tony’s body didn’t heal as fast as his; Steve had barely any marks left to remind him - only the memories. “I keep thinking I should have fought, made a difference. That just waiting it out was…”
“It was the smart thing to do,” Steve reassured him. “A gamble, not knowing what was happening next, but… It could have been worse.”
“It could have been something else,” Tony agreed.
“Exactly.”
“Doesn’t make it easier, though,” the other man mused, letting out a half-chuckle that turned into a breathless sob, almost. “I want to forget it. All of it. To replace the memory with something… better.”
“Something you would have chosen,” Steve suggested.
Tony turned his head and looked at him. “Something like that, yeah.”
Steve looked back at him, trying to appear steady and unwavering yet it didn’t reach all the way inside. He wasn’t made of stone. The last two days… “It, whatever it was… It made me watch. I kept thinking I should look away, to close my eyes… but I thought you might disappear if I did.”
“Was that the only reason?” Tony asked, with none of his usual teasing. It was as if something inside him had been switched off, a protective barrier gone from around him and he was laid bare and raw for anyone who cared to reach towards him. Maybe that’s why he was hiding here, waiting for things to normalize.
“Yes and no,” Steve admitted. He had never been one to lie; he wasn’t going to start now.
Tony’s expression didn’t change much; he just took it in, accepting it…
“I can’t get rid of the feeling,” Steve went on. “I want it to disappear, to be gone. To replace it,” he repeated Tony’s earlier words, “with something better. With something I choose.” The shower floor was uncomfortable and he raised himself up, then offered the other man a hand and Tony took it, pulling himself up. Steve noticed even more marks on him and he remembered very well what had caused them and how.
“You would choose this?” Tony asked, not confused, not falling behind; he was a genius, capable of following Steve’s poorly crafted words.
“I’ve come to realize recently that I would,” he admitted, shifting closer. Their chests touched and he felt a brief change in texture as the arc reactor pressed into his skin. Tony was looking up at him, expectant, a shadow of fear in his eyes, yet Steve knew he wasn’t afraid of him - only the memory of something else.
It felt like they were falling into another dimension when Steve bowed his head and Tony met him in a kiss, the water still sliding over them both. Tony’s hands came up, framing his face, keeping him in place and Steve obliged; he had nowhere else to be and even if he did, it wouldn’t matter.
Tony’s lips remained closed, almost quivering. His body was tense and when Steve looked, his eyes were wide open. Realizing that, Steve reached out to turn off the water and then moved them out of the shower. Tony followed, not protesting, just watching him as if fearing that if he didn’t, Steve would turn into something else.
Steve took them to the other side of the bedroom, dripping water onto the carpet. Tony didn’t seem to notice, nor did he protest, and Steve moved closer to him again, letting their bodies touch each other. Naked skin, still wet and warm; all of it unmistakably human.
He bowed his head again and sought Tony’s lips with his, feeling like he was teasing but they had to take their time, to create the correct memories. When Tony finally parted his lips, sighing softly, Steve stopped for half a second, smiling just slightly, then pressed his advantage. His tongue teased the lips further open, slipping between them, feeling Tony’s jaw relax slightly. It took a while before Tony’s response could be felt, his tongue uncurling and meeting Steve’s briefly. He seemed to breathe easier once he did and Steve pulled back, looking at him.
Tony’s breaths were measured and deep, his eyes desperate yet cautious. Steve pushed a hand through his wet hair, earning half a smile, yet it was still missing his usual bravado. Below, it was easy to tell they were both taking at least some interest in what was happening, which was a good sign.
“Do you want to lie down?” Steve asked.
“I’ll have to, eventually,” Tony rationalized and then shifted to the side, sitting down on his bed, scooting back. He started pulling his legs up again, then seemed to realize it and forced them to relax, to straighten. He looked up at Steve as if he were waiting for something. A confirmation; that this was something they both wanted. That this was the memory they would choose.
Steve followed him onto the bed, careful as he moved further up, touching each of Tony’s legs with slow tenderness, moving them aside to allow his larger body to settle between them. Tony’s eyes were locked on his, on him, tracing his body and making Steve feel more naked than he was. “You know, we don’t have to do this now,” he reassured the other man.
“I’m not going to wait for it to get worse,” Tony said adamantly, moving his eyes back to his face. “Do you want to wait?”
“No,” Steve replied, not even thinking about it. He moved closer, knees still holding his weight. His right hand traced up Tony’s leg, from the bruised spots on his ankle and calf to his hip, which was completely unmarred. He knew he was skirting around what they both needed and slipped his hand lower, between them, past Tony’s semi-hard cock to his ass. “Does it hurt?” Steve asked, knowing Tony could interpret that in a hundred ways but he would choose only one - the right one.
“Not enough,” Tony replied, spreading his legs further then pushing himself up on his arms and reaching out with his right hand, mimicking Steve’s motions but stopping at his cock, curling his fingers around it with an almost practiced ease, making Steve’s breath catch slightly. “Tell me to stop,” Tony ordered.
“I won’t,” Steve promised. The touch was alien, yet familiar, five fingers wrapped around his length, bringing him to full erection.
He watched Tony, so different from what he was used to; a man he had learned to respect as a teammate, to listen to as a leader. They’d had their arguments, their hard times, yet all that was life before the gray side and it felt almost as if it didn’t matter right now.
Steve’s fingers pressed closer, tracing, circling with pressure. He could feel the entrance, the heat of the skin, the slight swelling. If it was causing Tony pain, he didn’t show it, and perhaps he had meant it: maybe it hadn’t hurt enough in the grey, no matter how much Tony wished it would have.
To match what both of them felt inside.
“Second drawer from the top,” Tony said suddenly and Steve glanced at the nightstand by the bed. Tony’s fingers fell away and Steve moved over, finding a tube of lubricant. If there was anything else he didn’t stop to take a look, moving back, opening the cap and coating his fingers, then slid them over his own cock, slicking it up. Tony looked apprehensive but he lay back when Steve tossed the lubricant to the side; the brown eyes were on his face as Tony reached up and pulled Steve more closely on top of him.
They didn’t talk. There were no words they were willing to exchange and Steve held himself steady as he pushed towards the ring of muscle, hearing Tony’s breaths, sharp and stuttering. For a moment Steve was about to stop, to pull back; Tony’s body didn’t yield to the pressure, shutting him out. Maybe as much as he wanted to replace the memories, his body wasn’t capable of doing it just yet.
As much as Tony had hoped it would hurt, Steve wasn’t certain if he could do it.
The resistance eventually yielded, letting the head of his cock through the pressure and into the heat of Tony’s body. The sensation was heady and Steve could have easily gotten lost in it.
Once the first couple of inches were safely locked in Tony’s body, Steve leaned forward, over the other man, then pushed his hips forward. He slid in as far as he could go, feeling the hot tightness around him. Tony’s eyes were locked on him, his face tense, one leg shifting uneasily, betraying the pain he refused to voice.
Steve steeled his mind and didn’t wait for it to get better; that wasn’t what Tony wanted. He started moving, in and out, not fast, not hurrying it. This was supposed to make up for two days of horror and although he knew it wouldn’t, it should at least ease the way.
Tony’s fingers tightened on his shoulder, sliding lower along his shoulder blade, to find something to hold onto. His nails pressed into Steve’s skin, not painful yet, skirting the edge of discomfort. Steve braced himself better, shifting his stance. His thrusts changed, in pace and in depth and it still wasn’t enough.
Locking his hips in place, Steve reached back with his right hand, catching Tony’s left thigh, pulling it upwards, lifting his hips slightly off the bed. Tony let out a small sound, caught behind his lips, wide eyes still nailed on Steve’s face, refusing to part from what was going on right now. His hands slipped, falling from Steve’s shoulders, his raised body pressed more firmly to the bed as Steve tugged Tony’s left leg up and against his side, keeping his hips elevated.
The first thrust with the slightly altered angle was good, getting him deep and scratching an itch just as Tony’s hands skirted along his chest, nails leaving marks that would be gone before long. Steve’s second thrust turned into a third and he picked up the pace slightly. Tony wasn’t quiet anymore, his breaths hard and lips parting, finally. Steve took a chance and moved to kiss him again, body moving mindlessly, burning with the strain but he couldn’t let go yet, holding onto it.
Tony’s free leg sought out purchase, lifting his hips an inch higher and his back arched, pressing their bodies together. He groaned, the sound shooting down Steve’s throat to his cock just as Tony’s body clenched around him tightly. The next few seconds or minutes were a haze. Steve was aware of moving hard, holding Tony’s body close, grinding for his release and then the numbness of his climax clouded his mind.
When he blinked again, coming back from the painful yet sweet high, Tony’s mouth was still against his, the other man’s teeth holding his lower lip. There was no taste of blood so at least one of them was in control.
Steve slowly let go, pulling back. The drag of Tony’s body against his cock as he slid out was like leaving the sunbathed outdoors and returning to the shadows inside. His hips jerked at the sensation, knowing which they preferred, but Tony’s hand slid down, resting on Steve’s groin just above his cock in a clear signal that he’d had enough.
How easily Steve could have broken that hand and sought more of what he wanted, but all he did was to move to the side, sliding his own hand over Tony’s and sort of holding it in an awkward way.
They lay there, almost side by side on the bed. Tony’s fingers twitched faintly against the top of Steve’s coarse pubic hair, Steve’s own hold gentle yet firm on his other hand. Tony’s eyes weren’t as wide anymore, as if he weren’t afraid to close them right now, but still he looked at Steve, searching his face.
Steve felt his lip throb where Tony had held onto it a moment earlier.
“We should shower,” Tony finally stated.
Steve nodded, taking a moment to gather himself. There was no guarantee what would happen afterwards, and he was happy to lie here, basking next to Tony’s body, feeling more in control than he had ever since coming out of the gray side.
Tony was the first to sit up, stopping half-way, waiting for something, then rolled over to his hands and knees before crawling to the edge of the bed. Once on his feet he seemed to get a grip of whatever discomfort was present in his body and reached back blindly, tugging on Steve’s arm. “Come on. You can wash my back,” he offered.
Steve smiled and got up after him, following the other man to the shower. When the water was raining down, Steve slid a hand over his face, forcing the weariness slightly further away before moving properly under the spray, pressing his body against Tony’s back, his face finding the juncture of neck and shoulder, arms moving around the smaller man. Tony’s body was firm and compact, something he knew from their regular work-out sessions together, but compared to a super-soldier he would always appear smaller in stature. Not weak, not frail, and yet… Steve’s hand moved up from Tony’s stomach to the arc reactor in his chest, feeling the change from skin to machine.
“Hey, soldier,” Tony snapped him out of it, “I want to sleep tonight.”
Steve obliged, moving back a few inches, reaching for the bodywash and spreading some on Tony’s back, careful whenever he encountered a bruise or a mark. He recognized which of them were his and he was certain Tony knew the difference as well. Steve didn’t linger, knowing they both were ready to fall into bed for some much-needed rest. His soapy fingers slipped down, between ass cheeks, making Tony catch his breath slightly. He didn’t reach inside, knowing better, passing over the tender flesh and then angling Tony better under the water, washing the soap away.
The bruises persisted.
He moved to wash himself while Tony worked on the rest of his body, then suddenly a hand grasped his groin and Tony had moved closer, his soapy grip washing his cock and balls with silent determination. Tony held still as water washed the suds away, fingers unmoving, eyes downcast, looking at the contact of their bodies. Steve felt a small spark of interest but he didn’t let it take over, not planning on it. His cock filled slightly anyway, making Tony adjust his grip, yet it seemed he wasn’t planning much more than this either.
“I think we’re clean,” Steve finally observed.
Tony nodded, let go of his cock and shut off the water, reaching for a towel this time. He wiped away most of the droplets on his skin and then went and found an extra towel which he offered to Steve, who took it wordlessly and rubbed himself dry. Tony was done before him, throwing the damp towel in the hamper and walking back to the bedroom. Steve heard the faint sound of a weight hitting the mattress, the shifting of covers and once he was dry he moved towards the bathroom door, picking up his discarded clothes. Steve fully intended to dress and leave, but then he noticed that Tony was lying on one side of the bed, the covers pulled back - his back was towards Steve but the invitation was clear.
Steve dropped his clothes, reached out to shut off the bathroom lights and sank onto the bed, sliding behind the other man, pulling the covers over them both. Tony didn’t move but some tension seemed to leave his body and Steve steadied his breathing, preparing himself for sleep.
Before he dozed off, he moved an arm over Tony’s body, wishing he had brought his shield with him. Not that it mattered; they were safe here.
Tony shifted, but instead of pushing him away he turned around, ending up lying closer, one leg shifting up and moving across Steve’s hip, as if locking them in place. Steve curled his arm a bit and closed his eyes, knowing Tony was already asleep beside him.
- - -
When Tony woke up it was hard to tell what the time was. Also, moving to find out would have meant removing himself from the warm, heavy weight of one Steve Rogers and he wasn’t about to compromise that.
It was hard to believe this had actually happened. Last night had been a bit of a haze, in the midst of unwanted memories and wondering if it was worse or better for Steve. He recalled sitting in the shower, moving to the bed, of Steve above him and inside him. Tony still felt his first push in, he was certain of that, and hoped he could hold onto it until the memory of their stay on the gray side vanished.
Steve was taking deep, even breaths, chest moving against Tony’s. His arm was still around Tony’s body and he wondered if Steve would get a cramp from obviously staying in one position for the entirety of the night - and whatever amount of the morning was already behind them.
Tony glanced at Steve’s face, so stern most of the time, determined when facing a battle, opening only slightly when he was Steve, not Cap. He had gotten better at relaxing around the Avengers but in so many ways it felt like Tony had seen a different man only last night; haunted and tortured yet needing so much, searching for a distraction. Not unlike Tony and it suddenly dawned on him that they may well have just ruined their professional relationship.
Then again, it might have been ruined the moment they were taken over to the gray side and... Tony refused to think about it, to give it the label it no doubt deserved, instead of thinking of the emotional baggage they now carried. Seeing each other like that wasn’t something people were ever prepared for and Tony was afraid that experience combined with last night would impact the team, and put a strain between them they didn’t need.
The Avengers needed Captain America, just as much as they needed Iron Man. And Tony certainly needed Steve by his side - as a friend.
“Do you always frown like that in the morning, or is it because of the company you’re keeping?” Steve’s voice interrupted his musings and Tony started slightly, almost kneeing Steve in the groin. The blue eyes were regarding him, blinking slowly, yet Tony didn’t imagine for a minute Steve wasn’t ready to roll out of bed and be in instant battle mode should the need arise.
“Are you sure it’s morning?” Tony asked, jumping over the main part of the question.
“It is a little past one in the afternoon,” JARVIS supplied. “Good morning, sir. I hope you are feeling better.”
“Loads,” Tony replied. It was only half a lie.
“The other Avengers have expressed their concerns but I have informed them both you and Mr. Rogers require rest. They have agreed to this.”
“Thanks.” This meant JARVIS hadn’t let anyone check on him or Steve and no one should have discovered what had happened last night - or where they were, or that they were there together.
“You didn’t answer my question,” Steve pressed.
“Do you want me to?” Tony arched an eyebrow. Now that they were both awake he could address the fact that they were both naked and lying pretty close. And apparently Steve had morning wood that hadn’t been there a moment ago. Tony thought the sensible thing to do was to slide his hand down to help him with it, considering Steve had been there for him last night.
Steve’s expression didn’t even twitch at the sensation of Tony’s hand on his cock. “Last night we did what we had to,” he stated.
“Agreed.” And Tony really did agree - he knew he preferred these new memories to the ones that had been forced upon him, and maybe Steve felt the same. He sure hoped so because taking advantage of the other man’s emotional state wasn’t what he wanted to carry on his shoulders for the rest of his life.
“That doesn’t obligate us to do anything else…” Steve went on.
Tony’s hand stopped and began to withdraw from Steve’s cock, getting the hint.
“… unless we want to,” Steve finished, shifting closer, eyes suddenly hot. His large hand moved up Tony’s side then down along his spine, past his ass to his flank and then between his legs, tugging gently at his balls.
Tony’s fingers returned to grip the blond’s erection and a smile tugged at his lips. “So is this happening just because we happen to be very conveniently naked, or should I know something else about you, Cap?” he teased.
“I want you,” Steve stated and then rolled up on top of him.
Tony could live with that. He didn’t need an elaboration beyond those three words in order to enjoy Steve’s grip moving to grasp his cock, jerking it, making Tony’s body truly wake up. He was still worn out but he had several incentives to push himself to go along with this.
Steve leaned on one arm above him, much like last night, pushing his hips down, narrowing the space between their hips and rocking them together, just slightly, when both their hands conveniently gave way. He lacked finesse, Tony could see that now, wondering if Steve had ever gotten a chance to be close to another person. Not as much as Tony, certainly. That’s why Tony decided to take over, opening his fingers and grasping them both. Steve followed his lead and raised his other hand as well, planting it on the bed by Tony’s head, his hips still grinding into the touch, his breaths slightly less controlled.
Tony admitted he could get used to this view, seeing the strong, muscled body shifting above him, feeling it against him, seeing the slight tremors every time Tony stroked him good, rubbing him in a way he liked. Then Steve was much closer, obscuring his view as he leaned down to kiss him, breaths hot and tongue insistent yet it was as far from the horrors of the gray side as it could be and Tony didn’t think about the comparison unless he made himself.
Steve came with a groan, hips jerking, and Tony might have made a joke about almost breaking his fingers with his dick if he weren’t very close himself. Steve reached out to help him along, tugging, caressing and gripping randomly which kept Tony rolling on the edge a few seconds longer before he was shoved over it and damn, it was good.
He gasped and heaved for air, relaxing on the bed and Steve pushed himself to the side. Tony was certain his weight would squish him uncomfortably and was thankful for that small gesture of consideration.
“The other Avengers are preparing lunch. Shall I inform them that you will be joining them?” JARVIS piped up - a sign that he was waiting to announce that Tony was awake.
“Sure,” Tony replied after a moment. “Just… not immediately.”
“Very well,” the AI responded then left them alone.
“We should get cleaned up,” Steve mused and they got up, heading for the shower again. It was becoming a habit, almost, and Steve promptly selected a shower gel Tony liked - how did he even know that? - and squirted some in his hand, then offered it to Tony. It wasn’t nearly as intimate as last night, as little as Tony recalled of their final shower before falling asleep.
They finished quickly this time, toweling off, yet Tony realized quite soon they were checking each other out, whether it was directly or through a mirror on the wall. What used to be innocent, traditional male spying was now far more open. Seeing as they had already seen all they had to offer…
“We have to decide what to tell the others,” Steve finally said as he pulled on his clothes from last night. “About the time in the gray side,” he clarified.
“Can we choose to tell them nothing?” Tony suggested. He didn’t want to dwell on it, least of all share it. They wouldn’t get it, and he didn’t want to see their reactions to the truth; he had a hard enough time getting over it and didn’t need anyone else’s opinion on the matter.
Steve regarded him for a moment, watching as Tony dressed himself. “Tony -”
“No,” Tony interrupted him. “We know, okay? Isn’t that enough? We’re not alone in this. We weren’t alone last night.” He looked at the other man for a moment; a soldier, the embodiment of strong male identity. “Do you want to tell them?” he asked then, not knowing how he would react if Steve wanted to share the event with someone else to unburden himself.
“No,” Steve agreed with him. “And… I guess I should be thankful I don’t have to deal with it alone. Or that you don’t.” He stepped closer but seemed less sure of himself than he had been earlier, or last night. “I’m not sure where this is going,” he admitted then.
“It doesn’t have to be going anywhere,” Tony offered. “Or it can be going somewhere… pleasant. And I don’t mean just sex, although that was nice, considering the… well, everything,” he admitted. “Actually, last night was horrible. So horrible. I’m sorry I put you through that.”
“Don’t be,” Steve shook his head and reached out to touch Tony’s face, briefly, then allowed the hand to fall on his shoulder in a gesture that was familiar from all their time together. Less intimate. “I needed it, more than you think.”
“Okay,” Tony said - or tried to say, but it came out as a slightly constricted whisper. His thoughts flew back to Steve on top of him, pushing into him, and the horrible sensation that took over for a moment, that he was back there, no matter what his eyes were seeing and he wasn’t absolutely positive it was someone he trusted and cared about.
Steve decided that was a perfect moment to kiss his forehead, which evaporated any and all unpleasant thoughts from Tony’s brain. They both cleared their throats and shared small, tentative smiles.
“What do you think they wanted?” Steve mused as they got ready to leave the room. “Why they did what they did?”
Tony didn’t need to be a genius to know what he meant. “I don’t know. I have no idea and I’m thinking I don’t want to figure it out. Ignorance is bliss,” he declared, feeling uneasiness shift inside him.
“That’s not like you,” Steve pointed out.
“Some things are better left undisturbed,” Tony decided, knowing how much that stance went against everything he represented but whether it had been some strange alien ritual or something else, he felt he was better off without knowing. Steve didn’t argue with him.
They stood there for a moment, in deep silence, looking at the door that suddenly appeared intimidating and impenetrable. The world beyond that door didn’t seem appealing and Tony would have gladly kept hiding from it, but he knew better than to try. If they wanted to keep this thing a secret, they needed to act normal - and hiding in his room, or anywhere else, wasn’t normal.
He lifted his hand to the handle and pulled the door open, hearing the lock click open, finalizing his decision. They stepped out, looking down the hallway, deciding no one was around.
In unison, they walked out to the dining room and then to the kitchen, finding the other Avengers gathered there and trying to create some kind of lunch that would be edible. It seemed there were, once again, too many cooks involved and this was why they usually ordered out. It was easier - and less expensive when Tony didn’t have to replace half the kitchen equipment later.
“Hey, guys!” Jan welcomed them in and changed into Wasp, flying over. “Are you feeling better?”
“We’re fine,” Steve responded, not betraying anything.
“So, are you going to tell us what happened?” Clint asked at once, leaning towards them, pointing between Tony and Steve with a wooden spoon.
“No,” Tony shot back.
Carol pursed her lips, clearly disapproving. “You made contact with an alien -”
That was when the Hulk stomped into the room, stopping to regard them all, much like he always did, yet this time his attention seemed most fixated on Steve and Tony. He crossed his arms over his chest, sniffed audibly a few times, then grunted. “They fucked.”
Tony was glad his jaw was attached to the rest of his body or it may have dropped onto the floor.
“What?” Clint blinked, leaning back with a weird look on his face.
“They used the same shampoo,” the Hulk added as if he was proving a point.
Tony didn’t wait to see how everyone else interpreted that. He turned and purposefully strode out of the room, aware that he was leaving Steve to fend for himself but he couldn’t deal with this right now. He headed down, to underground levels, thinking of maybe working on his suit - he could always work on the suit - but ended up walking around the gym area instead, getting off the elevator on the wrong level.
It seemed like hours later when Steve suddenly appeared in front of him, startling Tony out of his wits by just standing there, looking at him.
“Thanks for leaving me there,” was the first thing the super-soldier said.
Tony grimaced. “Yeah, I…”
“Panicked.”
“No, I didn’t! It was a strategic exit.”
“You almost ran out of the room.”
Okay, so maybe he had panicked just a little, although there was no reason to do that, seeing as he was Tony Stark and he didn’t panic over someone assuming he had fucked someone. He just hadn’t though it would be the Hulk, of all people - and that he would just say it out loud.
“What did you tell them?” Tony asked after he had gotten his mind to stop spiraling out of control.
“Nothing,” Steve shrugged. “Given your reaction, I wasn’t about to explain any of it.” He regarded Tony for a bit longer. “Are you okay?” he asked then.
“Dandy,” Tony shrugged. “I’m sorry, about…”
“Leaving me there.”
“Yeah. I realize I shouldn’t have.”
Steve nodded then moved his arms and rested them on Tony’s body, one on his shoulder and one on his hip - two very contradictory areas, one suggesting friendship and the other reminding him of last night, and ultimately what they had been through before said night. And morning; Tony didn’t want to forget about this morning. “Nothing’s changed since we got out of bed,” Steve told him. “If we want this…” his face moved closer, “we’ll have it. Take it. Whatever sounds best.”
“I think you kissing me sounds pretty good right now,” Tony admitted and Steve obliged, pressing him against a padded pillar and pushing their bodies together from lips to toes.
Another eternity passed. Somewhere in the middle of it JARVIS tried to intervene but Tony shut him up with a quick command and returned to the matter at hand. It was strange how satisfying it was in the end, to just touch and be there, kissing and not doing much more. Well, he was certain Steve would have been up for more but perhaps the man took pity on Tony’s human endurance and slowed things down until they were just standing there, Steve still leaning against him, pressing Tony firmly between his bulk and the pillar, foreheads together and their breaths almost in synch.
“What was it you wanted, JARVIS?” Tony finally asked.
“The other Avengers were approaching to have a word. They are presently gathered in the living room.”
“Did you tell them to go?”
“No. They took the hint.”
“The hint?” Steve frowned.
“Bring up the surveillance feed,” Tony frowned and the screen closest to them lit up. They could see the Avengers coming down a familiar hallway which led to the gym.
“I think we should apologize to them,” Jan was saying. “Tony looked really hurt.” She glanced at the Hulk who was walking beside her. “You shouldn’t just say things like that.”
The Hulk grunted.
“What did you mean by it anyway?” Clint still wore that strange look on his face.
“Was it something that happened on the gray side while they were gone?” Carol guessed.
“Perhaps they were subjected to something that made them…” Hank was frowning, clearly uncomfortable with the subject. Seeing as he had never really made an actual move on Jan, it wasn’t surprising.
“You think they had sex and are too ashamed to tell us?” Jan, of course, volunteered to theorize.
“I didn’t say that!” Hank attempted to salvage the situation but still looked thoughtful. “Perhaps it wasn’t entirely voluntary.”
“Whatever it was, we’ll get to the bottom of it,” Carol vowed.
“Are you sure you want to get to the bottom of it?” Clint sniggered.
“They did not seem amused by the Hulk’s statement. I would approach the situation with care,” T’Challa observed, ever the voice of reason. If it were just him, Tony was certain he wouldn’t bring it up for the next few years - but he was just one man.
The group, led by Carol and Jan, stopped suddenly, the women almost getting run over by everyone else. They all were looking at something off camera.
“Shit,” Carol exclaimed.
The Hulk let out a self-satisfied huff and turned. “I don’t need to see this.”
“None of us do!” Hank agreed. “Come on, let’s leave them… to…”
Jan and Carol were still standing there, rooted to the spot, as was Clint. Gaping. Tony suddenly had a very good idea what they were looking at. Steve, too, had caught on, suggested by a slight flush that was making its way up his neck.
“Friends, let us leave them alone,” T’Challa decided and pulled everyone else along.
“That,” Clint started as they walked away.
“Was kind of hot!” Jan grinned. Tony knew she was grinning; he knew that tone of voice.
“We’ll never speak of this again unless they bring it up,” Carol decided.
“Ever,” Clint agreed.
JARVIS cut the feed and Tony sighed. “That went well.”
“At least we don’t have to hide, in case we continue this,” Steve looked at the bright side.
Tony suppressed a smile. “Yeah.”
It may have not started for the right reasons, or under the best of circumstances, but it felt good and right - something that didn’t come in abundance in their lives.
The End
Author’s notes: This ended up as a very strange fic.
Also, Hulk is the BOSS. (I don’t know this for a fact, but I wager his senses are above human level. And maybe he just knows these things.)
PAGE 1 ←
Two days… It hadn’t felt like two days.
Steve had thought about that as they flew back towards New York City and he continued thinking about it as he climbed out of the Quinjet and headed towards his room. Tony hadn’t been forthcoming about any details of their disappearance and Steve took that as a sign that they wouldn’t tell the others, at least not yet.
He was fine with that.
However, it was safe to divulge a smidgen of information, such as that their stay on the ‘gray side’, as they called it for the time being, hadn’t seemed all that long.
“Perhaps time moved differently there, or the portal just took you to a half-way point between two spaces,” Hank Pym theorized. He sounded way too excited about it.
Tony had disappeared as soon as was possible, without a word. No one seemed surprised by this but the team ganged up on Steve with questions as they walked the wide halls.
“You can’t just not tell us what happened on the other side,” Carol insisted. She sounded concerned now that S.W.O.R.D. agents weren’t around them; she could be worried as a fellow Avenger, not as a member of the Sentient World Observation and Response Department.
“Yeah,” Clint agreed. “Was it so horrible you’re both too scared to talk about it?”
“We’re both alive, which should be enough for all of you. We’ll talk about it if we feel the need,” Steve snapped. He was tiring of the company of others and they sensed it, allowing him to take the next turn and head to his room.
After throwing his shield on the bed he stripped out of the uniform, giving it a long look before leaving it on the floor and heading towards the bathroom. He stepped into the shower cabin without delays or side-trips. As he started the water, he imagined the last of the unseen marks vanishing from his skin. He palmed a bar of soap, beginning to wash his body methodically, yet found himself stopping as his hand reached his stomach.
The memory of a touch not his own was vivid in his mind and he grasped himself just to throw back the phantom sensation. The gray space was gone. There was no one here but him.
Steve looked down at himself, recognizing his hand holding his cock, familiar and something he could control. That was the problem, however; it was too familiar. He wondered if Tony felt the same, that he couldn’t distance himself enough to find actual purchase against the fresh memory of being used against his will.
With an unhappy frown Steve proceeded to wash himself, toweling off hastily then throwing on a t-shirt and sweatpants. He went to his door, listened behind it for a good two minutes then opened it carefully, soundlessly, and made his way down the hall he hoped was empty. Many of the Avengers moved about silently and while most of them might just ignore him, he didn’t want to risk it. He took the back stairs up and entered another hallway, selecting a door he knew led to Tony’s room.
He knocked softly, waiting and listening. There was no sound from the inside. Perhaps Tony wasn’t in his room; he could have gone downstairs to work on his suit, or just work out, although those options might put him in the same space with other people and he clearly had wanted some time alone. Perhaps he had left entirely, going back to the Stark Tower.
Needing to make sure, just in case Tony was in his room and just refusing to answer, Steve tried the handle. The door opened and he pushed it open further, peering inside. He could hear the shower, faint through the bathroom door, and he stepped inside, closing the door behind him and locking it. He didn’t know what exactly compelled him to do that, to enter Tony’s space without an invitation, but he walked over to the door of the bathroom and knocked again.
“Tony, it’s me,” he called out, knowing the other man might ignore him otherwise.
There was no reply but the shower was still running steadily.
Steve pulled the door open and stepped inside. The air was humid and warm, a bit foggy, briefly reminding him of the gray side but the lights were bright and he could make out every piece of furniture, every object around the room. And at the far end, under the shower, sat Tony; his knees were pulled up, arms wrapped around them, head resting against the tops of his thighs.
He knew better than to say anything, to show pity or attempt to make it better; Steve knew how he would react if something had tried those things on him.
Tony lifted his head, acknowledging that he knew Steve was there. His brown eyes seemed troubled, haunted. Steve’s mind flashed back to the moment in the gray, of the other man looking at him, lying on the ground after his climax. It was as if Tony had reminded himself at that very moment that he wasn’t alone - and that Steve wasn’t either. That they hadn’t been able to help themselves or each other but they didn’t have to face it alone. It didn’t take away the twinge of shame, of the humiliation and violation of one’s being, but they didn’t have to deal with the aftermath alone. The others wouldn’t understand, not easily, but he and Tony were on the same page about what had happened, even if it had been slightly different for each of them.
Steve shuffled over, tugging off his shirt and pants, then stepped into the shower and turned so he could sit down beside Tony. Their naked bodies touched slightly, the water falling hot and steady on top of them, a cluster of small drops spreading, sliding along their skins and away, never lingering as gravity pulled them along and down the drain.
“Do you keep thinking about it?” Tony asked after a bit.
“Yeah,” Steve admitted.
They didn’t look at each other.
“Me too,” Tony went on after a while. His hands shifted, uncurling from around his legs, twisting. Steve’s eyes followed the motion, seeing bruises. Tony’s body didn’t heal as fast as his; Steve had barely any marks left to remind him - only the memories. “I keep thinking I should have fought, made a difference. That just waiting it out was…”
“It was the smart thing to do,” Steve reassured him. “A gamble, not knowing what was happening next, but… It could have been worse.”
“It could have been something else,” Tony agreed.
“Exactly.”
“Doesn’t make it easier, though,” the other man mused, letting out a half-chuckle that turned into a breathless sob, almost. “I want to forget it. All of it. To replace the memory with something… better.”
“Something you would have chosen,” Steve suggested.
Tony turned his head and looked at him. “Something like that, yeah.”
Steve looked back at him, trying to appear steady and unwavering yet it didn’t reach all the way inside. He wasn’t made of stone. The last two days… “It, whatever it was… It made me watch. I kept thinking I should look away, to close my eyes… but I thought you might disappear if I did.”
“Was that the only reason?” Tony asked, with none of his usual teasing. It was as if something inside him had been switched off, a protective barrier gone from around him and he was laid bare and raw for anyone who cared to reach towards him. Maybe that’s why he was hiding here, waiting for things to normalize.
“Yes and no,” Steve admitted. He had never been one to lie; he wasn’t going to start now.
Tony’s expression didn’t change much; he just took it in, accepting it…
“I can’t get rid of the feeling,” Steve went on. “I want it to disappear, to be gone. To replace it,” he repeated Tony’s earlier words, “with something better. With something I choose.” The shower floor was uncomfortable and he raised himself up, then offered the other man a hand and Tony took it, pulling himself up. Steve noticed even more marks on him and he remembered very well what had caused them and how.
“You would choose this?” Tony asked, not confused, not falling behind; he was a genius, capable of following Steve’s poorly crafted words.
“I’ve come to realize recently that I would,” he admitted, shifting closer. Their chests touched and he felt a brief change in texture as the arc reactor pressed into his skin. Tony was looking up at him, expectant, a shadow of fear in his eyes, yet Steve knew he wasn’t afraid of him - only the memory of something else.
It felt like they were falling into another dimension when Steve bowed his head and Tony met him in a kiss, the water still sliding over them both. Tony’s hands came up, framing his face, keeping him in place and Steve obliged; he had nowhere else to be and even if he did, it wouldn’t matter.
Tony’s lips remained closed, almost quivering. His body was tense and when Steve looked, his eyes were wide open. Realizing that, Steve reached out to turn off the water and then moved them out of the shower. Tony followed, not protesting, just watching him as if fearing that if he didn’t, Steve would turn into something else.
Steve took them to the other side of the bedroom, dripping water onto the carpet. Tony didn’t seem to notice, nor did he protest, and Steve moved closer to him again, letting their bodies touch each other. Naked skin, still wet and warm; all of it unmistakably human.
He bowed his head again and sought Tony’s lips with his, feeling like he was teasing but they had to take their time, to create the correct memories. When Tony finally parted his lips, sighing softly, Steve stopped for half a second, smiling just slightly, then pressed his advantage. His tongue teased the lips further open, slipping between them, feeling Tony’s jaw relax slightly. It took a while before Tony’s response could be felt, his tongue uncurling and meeting Steve’s briefly. He seemed to breathe easier once he did and Steve pulled back, looking at him.
Tony’s breaths were measured and deep, his eyes desperate yet cautious. Steve pushed a hand through his wet hair, earning half a smile, yet it was still missing his usual bravado. Below, it was easy to tell they were both taking at least some interest in what was happening, which was a good sign.
“Do you want to lie down?” Steve asked.
“I’ll have to, eventually,” Tony rationalized and then shifted to the side, sitting down on his bed, scooting back. He started pulling his legs up again, then seemed to realize it and forced them to relax, to straighten. He looked up at Steve as if he were waiting for something. A confirmation; that this was something they both wanted. That this was the memory they would choose.
Steve followed him onto the bed, careful as he moved further up, touching each of Tony’s legs with slow tenderness, moving them aside to allow his larger body to settle between them. Tony’s eyes were locked on his, on him, tracing his body and making Steve feel more naked than he was. “You know, we don’t have to do this now,” he reassured the other man.
“I’m not going to wait for it to get worse,” Tony said adamantly, moving his eyes back to his face. “Do you want to wait?”
“No,” Steve replied, not even thinking about it. He moved closer, knees still holding his weight. His right hand traced up Tony’s leg, from the bruised spots on his ankle and calf to his hip, which was completely unmarred. He knew he was skirting around what they both needed and slipped his hand lower, between them, past Tony’s semi-hard cock to his ass. “Does it hurt?” Steve asked, knowing Tony could interpret that in a hundred ways but he would choose only one - the right one.
“Not enough,” Tony replied, spreading his legs further then pushing himself up on his arms and reaching out with his right hand, mimicking Steve’s motions but stopping at his cock, curling his fingers around it with an almost practiced ease, making Steve’s breath catch slightly. “Tell me to stop,” Tony ordered.
“I won’t,” Steve promised. The touch was alien, yet familiar, five fingers wrapped around his length, bringing him to full erection.
He watched Tony, so different from what he was used to; a man he had learned to respect as a teammate, to listen to as a leader. They’d had their arguments, their hard times, yet all that was life before the gray side and it felt almost as if it didn’t matter right now.
Steve’s fingers pressed closer, tracing, circling with pressure. He could feel the entrance, the heat of the skin, the slight swelling. If it was causing Tony pain, he didn’t show it, and perhaps he had meant it: maybe it hadn’t hurt enough in the grey, no matter how much Tony wished it would have.
To match what both of them felt inside.
“Second drawer from the top,” Tony said suddenly and Steve glanced at the nightstand by the bed. Tony’s fingers fell away and Steve moved over, finding a tube of lubricant. If there was anything else he didn’t stop to take a look, moving back, opening the cap and coating his fingers, then slid them over his own cock, slicking it up. Tony looked apprehensive but he lay back when Steve tossed the lubricant to the side; the brown eyes were on his face as Tony reached up and pulled Steve more closely on top of him.
They didn’t talk. There were no words they were willing to exchange and Steve held himself steady as he pushed towards the ring of muscle, hearing Tony’s breaths, sharp and stuttering. For a moment Steve was about to stop, to pull back; Tony’s body didn’t yield to the pressure, shutting him out. Maybe as much as he wanted to replace the memories, his body wasn’t capable of doing it just yet.
As much as Tony had hoped it would hurt, Steve wasn’t certain if he could do it.
The resistance eventually yielded, letting the head of his cock through the pressure and into the heat of Tony’s body. The sensation was heady and Steve could have easily gotten lost in it.
Once the first couple of inches were safely locked in Tony’s body, Steve leaned forward, over the other man, then pushed his hips forward. He slid in as far as he could go, feeling the hot tightness around him. Tony’s eyes were locked on him, his face tense, one leg shifting uneasily, betraying the pain he refused to voice.
Steve steeled his mind and didn’t wait for it to get better; that wasn’t what Tony wanted. He started moving, in and out, not fast, not hurrying it. This was supposed to make up for two days of horror and although he knew it wouldn’t, it should at least ease the way.
Tony’s fingers tightened on his shoulder, sliding lower along his shoulder blade, to find something to hold onto. His nails pressed into Steve’s skin, not painful yet, skirting the edge of discomfort. Steve braced himself better, shifting his stance. His thrusts changed, in pace and in depth and it still wasn’t enough.
Locking his hips in place, Steve reached back with his right hand, catching Tony’s left thigh, pulling it upwards, lifting his hips slightly off the bed. Tony let out a small sound, caught behind his lips, wide eyes still nailed on Steve’s face, refusing to part from what was going on right now. His hands slipped, falling from Steve’s shoulders, his raised body pressed more firmly to the bed as Steve tugged Tony’s left leg up and against his side, keeping his hips elevated.
The first thrust with the slightly altered angle was good, getting him deep and scratching an itch just as Tony’s hands skirted along his chest, nails leaving marks that would be gone before long. Steve’s second thrust turned into a third and he picked up the pace slightly. Tony wasn’t quiet anymore, his breaths hard and lips parting, finally. Steve took a chance and moved to kiss him again, body moving mindlessly, burning with the strain but he couldn’t let go yet, holding onto it.
Tony’s free leg sought out purchase, lifting his hips an inch higher and his back arched, pressing their bodies together. He groaned, the sound shooting down Steve’s throat to his cock just as Tony’s body clenched around him tightly. The next few seconds or minutes were a haze. Steve was aware of moving hard, holding Tony’s body close, grinding for his release and then the numbness of his climax clouded his mind.
When he blinked again, coming back from the painful yet sweet high, Tony’s mouth was still against his, the other man’s teeth holding his lower lip. There was no taste of blood so at least one of them was in control.
Steve slowly let go, pulling back. The drag of Tony’s body against his cock as he slid out was like leaving the sunbathed outdoors and returning to the shadows inside. His hips jerked at the sensation, knowing which they preferred, but Tony’s hand slid down, resting on Steve’s groin just above his cock in a clear signal that he’d had enough.
How easily Steve could have broken that hand and sought more of what he wanted, but all he did was to move to the side, sliding his own hand over Tony’s and sort of holding it in an awkward way.
They lay there, almost side by side on the bed. Tony’s fingers twitched faintly against the top of Steve’s coarse pubic hair, Steve’s own hold gentle yet firm on his other hand. Tony’s eyes weren’t as wide anymore, as if he weren’t afraid to close them right now, but still he looked at Steve, searching his face.
Steve felt his lip throb where Tony had held onto it a moment earlier.
“We should shower,” Tony finally stated.
Steve nodded, taking a moment to gather himself. There was no guarantee what would happen afterwards, and he was happy to lie here, basking next to Tony’s body, feeling more in control than he had ever since coming out of the gray side.
Tony was the first to sit up, stopping half-way, waiting for something, then rolled over to his hands and knees before crawling to the edge of the bed. Once on his feet he seemed to get a grip of whatever discomfort was present in his body and reached back blindly, tugging on Steve’s arm. “Come on. You can wash my back,” he offered.
Steve smiled and got up after him, following the other man to the shower. When the water was raining down, Steve slid a hand over his face, forcing the weariness slightly further away before moving properly under the spray, pressing his body against Tony’s back, his face finding the juncture of neck and shoulder, arms moving around the smaller man. Tony’s body was firm and compact, something he knew from their regular work-out sessions together, but compared to a super-soldier he would always appear smaller in stature. Not weak, not frail, and yet… Steve’s hand moved up from Tony’s stomach to the arc reactor in his chest, feeling the change from skin to machine.
“Hey, soldier,” Tony snapped him out of it, “I want to sleep tonight.”
Steve obliged, moving back a few inches, reaching for the bodywash and spreading some on Tony’s back, careful whenever he encountered a bruise or a mark. He recognized which of them were his and he was certain Tony knew the difference as well. Steve didn’t linger, knowing they both were ready to fall into bed for some much-needed rest. His soapy fingers slipped down, between ass cheeks, making Tony catch his breath slightly. He didn’t reach inside, knowing better, passing over the tender flesh and then angling Tony better under the water, washing the soap away.
The bruises persisted.
He moved to wash himself while Tony worked on the rest of his body, then suddenly a hand grasped his groin and Tony had moved closer, his soapy grip washing his cock and balls with silent determination. Tony held still as water washed the suds away, fingers unmoving, eyes downcast, looking at the contact of their bodies. Steve felt a small spark of interest but he didn’t let it take over, not planning on it. His cock filled slightly anyway, making Tony adjust his grip, yet it seemed he wasn’t planning much more than this either.
“I think we’re clean,” Steve finally observed.
Tony nodded, let go of his cock and shut off the water, reaching for a towel this time. He wiped away most of the droplets on his skin and then went and found an extra towel which he offered to Steve, who took it wordlessly and rubbed himself dry. Tony was done before him, throwing the damp towel in the hamper and walking back to the bedroom. Steve heard the faint sound of a weight hitting the mattress, the shifting of covers and once he was dry he moved towards the bathroom door, picking up his discarded clothes. Steve fully intended to dress and leave, but then he noticed that Tony was lying on one side of the bed, the covers pulled back - his back was towards Steve but the invitation was clear.
Steve dropped his clothes, reached out to shut off the bathroom lights and sank onto the bed, sliding behind the other man, pulling the covers over them both. Tony didn’t move but some tension seemed to leave his body and Steve steadied his breathing, preparing himself for sleep.
Before he dozed off, he moved an arm over Tony’s body, wishing he had brought his shield with him. Not that it mattered; they were safe here.
Tony shifted, but instead of pushing him away he turned around, ending up lying closer, one leg shifting up and moving across Steve’s hip, as if locking them in place. Steve curled his arm a bit and closed his eyes, knowing Tony was already asleep beside him.
- - -
When Tony woke up it was hard to tell what the time was. Also, moving to find out would have meant removing himself from the warm, heavy weight of one Steve Rogers and he wasn’t about to compromise that.
It was hard to believe this had actually happened. Last night had been a bit of a haze, in the midst of unwanted memories and wondering if it was worse or better for Steve. He recalled sitting in the shower, moving to the bed, of Steve above him and inside him. Tony still felt his first push in, he was certain of that, and hoped he could hold onto it until the memory of their stay on the gray side vanished.
Steve was taking deep, even breaths, chest moving against Tony’s. His arm was still around Tony’s body and he wondered if Steve would get a cramp from obviously staying in one position for the entirety of the night - and whatever amount of the morning was already behind them.
Tony glanced at Steve’s face, so stern most of the time, determined when facing a battle, opening only slightly when he was Steve, not Cap. He had gotten better at relaxing around the Avengers but in so many ways it felt like Tony had seen a different man only last night; haunted and tortured yet needing so much, searching for a distraction. Not unlike Tony and it suddenly dawned on him that they may well have just ruined their professional relationship.
Then again, it might have been ruined the moment they were taken over to the gray side and... Tony refused to think about it, to give it the label it no doubt deserved, instead of thinking of the emotional baggage they now carried. Seeing each other like that wasn’t something people were ever prepared for and Tony was afraid that experience combined with last night would impact the team, and put a strain between them they didn’t need.
The Avengers needed Captain America, just as much as they needed Iron Man. And Tony certainly needed Steve by his side - as a friend.
“Do you always frown like that in the morning, or is it because of the company you’re keeping?” Steve’s voice interrupted his musings and Tony started slightly, almost kneeing Steve in the groin. The blue eyes were regarding him, blinking slowly, yet Tony didn’t imagine for a minute Steve wasn’t ready to roll out of bed and be in instant battle mode should the need arise.
“Are you sure it’s morning?” Tony asked, jumping over the main part of the question.
“It is a little past one in the afternoon,” JARVIS supplied. “Good morning, sir. I hope you are feeling better.”
“Loads,” Tony replied. It was only half a lie.
“The other Avengers have expressed their concerns but I have informed them both you and Mr. Rogers require rest. They have agreed to this.”
“Thanks.” This meant JARVIS hadn’t let anyone check on him or Steve and no one should have discovered what had happened last night - or where they were, or that they were there together.
“You didn’t answer my question,” Steve pressed.
“Do you want me to?” Tony arched an eyebrow. Now that they were both awake he could address the fact that they were both naked and lying pretty close. And apparently Steve had morning wood that hadn’t been there a moment ago. Tony thought the sensible thing to do was to slide his hand down to help him with it, considering Steve had been there for him last night.
Steve’s expression didn’t even twitch at the sensation of Tony’s hand on his cock. “Last night we did what we had to,” he stated.
“Agreed.” And Tony really did agree - he knew he preferred these new memories to the ones that had been forced upon him, and maybe Steve felt the same. He sure hoped so because taking advantage of the other man’s emotional state wasn’t what he wanted to carry on his shoulders for the rest of his life.
“That doesn’t obligate us to do anything else…” Steve went on.
Tony’s hand stopped and began to withdraw from Steve’s cock, getting the hint.
“… unless we want to,” Steve finished, shifting closer, eyes suddenly hot. His large hand moved up Tony’s side then down along his spine, past his ass to his flank and then between his legs, tugging gently at his balls.
Tony’s fingers returned to grip the blond’s erection and a smile tugged at his lips. “So is this happening just because we happen to be very conveniently naked, or should I know something else about you, Cap?” he teased.
“I want you,” Steve stated and then rolled up on top of him.
Tony could live with that. He didn’t need an elaboration beyond those three words in order to enjoy Steve’s grip moving to grasp his cock, jerking it, making Tony’s body truly wake up. He was still worn out but he had several incentives to push himself to go along with this.
Steve leaned on one arm above him, much like last night, pushing his hips down, narrowing the space between their hips and rocking them together, just slightly, when both their hands conveniently gave way. He lacked finesse, Tony could see that now, wondering if Steve had ever gotten a chance to be close to another person. Not as much as Tony, certainly. That’s why Tony decided to take over, opening his fingers and grasping them both. Steve followed his lead and raised his other hand as well, planting it on the bed by Tony’s head, his hips still grinding into the touch, his breaths slightly less controlled.
Tony admitted he could get used to this view, seeing the strong, muscled body shifting above him, feeling it against him, seeing the slight tremors every time Tony stroked him good, rubbing him in a way he liked. Then Steve was much closer, obscuring his view as he leaned down to kiss him, breaths hot and tongue insistent yet it was as far from the horrors of the gray side as it could be and Tony didn’t think about the comparison unless he made himself.
Steve came with a groan, hips jerking, and Tony might have made a joke about almost breaking his fingers with his dick if he weren’t very close himself. Steve reached out to help him along, tugging, caressing and gripping randomly which kept Tony rolling on the edge a few seconds longer before he was shoved over it and damn, it was good.
He gasped and heaved for air, relaxing on the bed and Steve pushed himself to the side. Tony was certain his weight would squish him uncomfortably and was thankful for that small gesture of consideration.
“The other Avengers are preparing lunch. Shall I inform them that you will be joining them?” JARVIS piped up - a sign that he was waiting to announce that Tony was awake.
“Sure,” Tony replied after a moment. “Just… not immediately.”
“Very well,” the AI responded then left them alone.
“We should get cleaned up,” Steve mused and they got up, heading for the shower again. It was becoming a habit, almost, and Steve promptly selected a shower gel Tony liked - how did he even know that? - and squirted some in his hand, then offered it to Tony. It wasn’t nearly as intimate as last night, as little as Tony recalled of their final shower before falling asleep.
They finished quickly this time, toweling off, yet Tony realized quite soon they were checking each other out, whether it was directly or through a mirror on the wall. What used to be innocent, traditional male spying was now far more open. Seeing as they had already seen all they had to offer…
“We have to decide what to tell the others,” Steve finally said as he pulled on his clothes from last night. “About the time in the gray side,” he clarified.
“Can we choose to tell them nothing?” Tony suggested. He didn’t want to dwell on it, least of all share it. They wouldn’t get it, and he didn’t want to see their reactions to the truth; he had a hard enough time getting over it and didn’t need anyone else’s opinion on the matter.
Steve regarded him for a moment, watching as Tony dressed himself. “Tony -”
“No,” Tony interrupted him. “We know, okay? Isn’t that enough? We’re not alone in this. We weren’t alone last night.” He looked at the other man for a moment; a soldier, the embodiment of strong male identity. “Do you want to tell them?” he asked then, not knowing how he would react if Steve wanted to share the event with someone else to unburden himself.
“No,” Steve agreed with him. “And… I guess I should be thankful I don’t have to deal with it alone. Or that you don’t.” He stepped closer but seemed less sure of himself than he had been earlier, or last night. “I’m not sure where this is going,” he admitted then.
“It doesn’t have to be going anywhere,” Tony offered. “Or it can be going somewhere… pleasant. And I don’t mean just sex, although that was nice, considering the… well, everything,” he admitted. “Actually, last night was horrible. So horrible. I’m sorry I put you through that.”
“Don’t be,” Steve shook his head and reached out to touch Tony’s face, briefly, then allowed the hand to fall on his shoulder in a gesture that was familiar from all their time together. Less intimate. “I needed it, more than you think.”
“Okay,” Tony said - or tried to say, but it came out as a slightly constricted whisper. His thoughts flew back to Steve on top of him, pushing into him, and the horrible sensation that took over for a moment, that he was back there, no matter what his eyes were seeing and he wasn’t absolutely positive it was someone he trusted and cared about.
Steve decided that was a perfect moment to kiss his forehead, which evaporated any and all unpleasant thoughts from Tony’s brain. They both cleared their throats and shared small, tentative smiles.
“What do you think they wanted?” Steve mused as they got ready to leave the room. “Why they did what they did?”
Tony didn’t need to be a genius to know what he meant. “I don’t know. I have no idea and I’m thinking I don’t want to figure it out. Ignorance is bliss,” he declared, feeling uneasiness shift inside him.
“That’s not like you,” Steve pointed out.
“Some things are better left undisturbed,” Tony decided, knowing how much that stance went against everything he represented but whether it had been some strange alien ritual or something else, he felt he was better off without knowing. Steve didn’t argue with him.
They stood there for a moment, in deep silence, looking at the door that suddenly appeared intimidating and impenetrable. The world beyond that door didn’t seem appealing and Tony would have gladly kept hiding from it, but he knew better than to try. If they wanted to keep this thing a secret, they needed to act normal - and hiding in his room, or anywhere else, wasn’t normal.
He lifted his hand to the handle and pulled the door open, hearing the lock click open, finalizing his decision. They stepped out, looking down the hallway, deciding no one was around.
In unison, they walked out to the dining room and then to the kitchen, finding the other Avengers gathered there and trying to create some kind of lunch that would be edible. It seemed there were, once again, too many cooks involved and this was why they usually ordered out. It was easier - and less expensive when Tony didn’t have to replace half the kitchen equipment later.
“Hey, guys!” Jan welcomed them in and changed into Wasp, flying over. “Are you feeling better?”
“We’re fine,” Steve responded, not betraying anything.
“So, are you going to tell us what happened?” Clint asked at once, leaning towards them, pointing between Tony and Steve with a wooden spoon.
“No,” Tony shot back.
Carol pursed her lips, clearly disapproving. “You made contact with an alien -”
That was when the Hulk stomped into the room, stopping to regard them all, much like he always did, yet this time his attention seemed most fixated on Steve and Tony. He crossed his arms over his chest, sniffed audibly a few times, then grunted. “They fucked.”
Tony was glad his jaw was attached to the rest of his body or it may have dropped onto the floor.
“What?” Clint blinked, leaning back with a weird look on his face.
“They used the same shampoo,” the Hulk added as if he was proving a point.
Tony didn’t wait to see how everyone else interpreted that. He turned and purposefully strode out of the room, aware that he was leaving Steve to fend for himself but he couldn’t deal with this right now. He headed down, to underground levels, thinking of maybe working on his suit - he could always work on the suit - but ended up walking around the gym area instead, getting off the elevator on the wrong level.
It seemed like hours later when Steve suddenly appeared in front of him, startling Tony out of his wits by just standing there, looking at him.
“Thanks for leaving me there,” was the first thing the super-soldier said.
Tony grimaced. “Yeah, I…”
“Panicked.”
“No, I didn’t! It was a strategic exit.”
“You almost ran out of the room.”
Okay, so maybe he had panicked just a little, although there was no reason to do that, seeing as he was Tony Stark and he didn’t panic over someone assuming he had fucked someone. He just hadn’t though it would be the Hulk, of all people - and that he would just say it out loud.
“What did you tell them?” Tony asked after he had gotten his mind to stop spiraling out of control.
“Nothing,” Steve shrugged. “Given your reaction, I wasn’t about to explain any of it.” He regarded Tony for a bit longer. “Are you okay?” he asked then.
“Dandy,” Tony shrugged. “I’m sorry, about…”
“Leaving me there.”
“Yeah. I realize I shouldn’t have.”
Steve nodded then moved his arms and rested them on Tony’s body, one on his shoulder and one on his hip - two very contradictory areas, one suggesting friendship and the other reminding him of last night, and ultimately what they had been through before said night. And morning; Tony didn’t want to forget about this morning. “Nothing’s changed since we got out of bed,” Steve told him. “If we want this…” his face moved closer, “we’ll have it. Take it. Whatever sounds best.”
“I think you kissing me sounds pretty good right now,” Tony admitted and Steve obliged, pressing him against a padded pillar and pushing their bodies together from lips to toes.
Another eternity passed. Somewhere in the middle of it JARVIS tried to intervene but Tony shut him up with a quick command and returned to the matter at hand. It was strange how satisfying it was in the end, to just touch and be there, kissing and not doing much more. Well, he was certain Steve would have been up for more but perhaps the man took pity on Tony’s human endurance and slowed things down until they were just standing there, Steve still leaning against him, pressing Tony firmly between his bulk and the pillar, foreheads together and their breaths almost in synch.
“What was it you wanted, JARVIS?” Tony finally asked.
“The other Avengers were approaching to have a word. They are presently gathered in the living room.”
“Did you tell them to go?”
“No. They took the hint.”
“The hint?” Steve frowned.
“Bring up the surveillance feed,” Tony frowned and the screen closest to them lit up. They could see the Avengers coming down a familiar hallway which led to the gym.
“I think we should apologize to them,” Jan was saying. “Tony looked really hurt.” She glanced at the Hulk who was walking beside her. “You shouldn’t just say things like that.”
The Hulk grunted.
“What did you mean by it anyway?” Clint still wore that strange look on his face.
“Was it something that happened on the gray side while they were gone?” Carol guessed.
“Perhaps they were subjected to something that made them…” Hank was frowning, clearly uncomfortable with the subject. Seeing as he had never really made an actual move on Jan, it wasn’t surprising.
“You think they had sex and are too ashamed to tell us?” Jan, of course, volunteered to theorize.
“I didn’t say that!” Hank attempted to salvage the situation but still looked thoughtful. “Perhaps it wasn’t entirely voluntary.”
“Whatever it was, we’ll get to the bottom of it,” Carol vowed.
“Are you sure you want to get to the bottom of it?” Clint sniggered.
“They did not seem amused by the Hulk’s statement. I would approach the situation with care,” T’Challa observed, ever the voice of reason. If it were just him, Tony was certain he wouldn’t bring it up for the next few years - but he was just one man.
The group, led by Carol and Jan, stopped suddenly, the women almost getting run over by everyone else. They all were looking at something off camera.
“Shit,” Carol exclaimed.
The Hulk let out a self-satisfied huff and turned. “I don’t need to see this.”
“None of us do!” Hank agreed. “Come on, let’s leave them… to…”
Jan and Carol were still standing there, rooted to the spot, as was Clint. Gaping. Tony suddenly had a very good idea what they were looking at. Steve, too, had caught on, suggested by a slight flush that was making its way up his neck.
“Friends, let us leave them alone,” T’Challa decided and pulled everyone else along.
“That,” Clint started as they walked away.
“Was kind of hot!” Jan grinned. Tony knew she was grinning; he knew that tone of voice.
“We’ll never speak of this again unless they bring it up,” Carol decided.
“Ever,” Clint agreed.
JARVIS cut the feed and Tony sighed. “That went well.”
“At least we don’t have to hide, in case we continue this,” Steve looked at the bright side.
Tony suppressed a smile. “Yeah.”
It may have not started for the right reasons, or under the best of circumstances, but it felt good and right - something that didn’t come in abundance in their lives.
The End
Author’s notes: This ended up as a very strange fic.
Also, Hulk is the BOSS. (I don’t know this for a fact, but I wager his senses are above human level. And maybe he just knows these things.)
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