I Will Follow
Story Info
Title: I Will Follow
Author: Del Rion (delrion.mail (at) gmail.com)
Fandom: Alexander the Great (movie)
Genre: Drama, Romance
Rating: T / FRT
Characters: Alexander, Hephaistion
Pairing: Alexander/Hephaistion
Summary: Love and loyalty. Right and wrong. There are many ways to love, but which of them is right?
Complete.
Warnings: Violence, mentioning/hints of slash
Beta: Kitt of Lindon (thank you!)
Disclaimer: None of the characters or places belong to me, but to the history and Intermedia Films.
Feedback: Yes, please, be so kind! Please review, I would love to know your opinion.
About I Will Follow: My first Alexander fic. A short portray to the emotions between Alexander and Hephaistion, whose feelings for each other were so much more than mere companionship and loyalty.
No real point here, but I just had to get it done. =)
Chapters and their status: Here below you see the writing process of the story’s chapters. If there is no text after the chapter’s name, then it is finished and checked (until someone of my dear readers points me out some mistake, or I will do some updating…) so, check this page, because here I will mark the dates of the updates…
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
~ ~ ~
Chapter 1
“When men lie together in lust, it is a surrender to the passions, and does nothing for the excellence in us. Nor does any other excess, Cassander, jealousy among them,” Aristotle looked pointedly at the youngster, and then again turned to look at Alexander before him. “But when men lie together and knowledge and virtue pass between them, that is pure and excellent. When they compete to bring out the good and the best in each other, this is the love between men that can build the city state and lift us from our frog pond.”
Alexander smiled at his teacher, letting these words sink into his heart. This is the kind of love that heroes like Achilles and Patroclus shared: pure and excellent. At his side, Alexander felt Hephaistion shift as the other boy kept writing down Aristotle’s words. Alexander turned his head slightly, watching the dark haired youth beside him. Hephaistion had his entire focus on the old man’s words, and Alexander was able to watch the other in secret for a long while. He liked to watch Hephaistion. And if he couldn’t watch him, just to be near the other boy was enough. Alexander thought he was beginning to understand what he felt, but yet he felt unsure. Love for another seemed to be a serious, deep thing. Shaking his head, the prince focused on Aristotle’s words again.
Hephaistion shifted again, his arm brushing against Alexander’s as he raised his blue eyes from the parchment. Throwing Alexander a quick smile, he kept listening the speech of Aristotle.
The lesson ended soon, and the children sprang up, running down the hill with all their speed. Hephaistion stayed behind, soon noticing that Alexander was walking beside him. Together they walked in silence, a lazy summer wind playing with their clothing.
“What do you make of it?” Hephaistion said at last, glancing at the papers his carried in his arms. “What was the love between Achilles and Patroclus like?”
Alexander looked at his friend, his eyes shining. “Did you even listen what Aristotle told us?” he teased.
Hephaistion lowered his head, biting his lip. He halted, looking at his papers again. “Pure and excellent. But how can you know which is which? What if you do something wrong…” he fell silent, reading through the lines over and over again.
Alexander walked to his friend, placing a hand upon Hephaistion’s shoulder. “Maybe you know when the time comes.”
Hephaistion raised his head, his eyes meeting Alexander’s. “But what if… I mean, there may never be such a chance…” he stammered, his eyes darting to the side.
Alexander smiled, dodging his head slightly to catch Hephaistion’s stare again. “Do not be afraid, Hephaistion. You could never do wrong.” Blue eyes blinked, uncertainty in them. “Do you trust me, Hephaistion?” Alexander asked, his eyes serious. Hephaistion nodded without hesitation. “Then believe me,” Alexander smiled, starting down along the path again. His eyes swept across the horizon, and he looked at Hephaistion again as the other reached his side. “One day, I shall go and travel beyond horizon. I will see what lays there, far away in the east, where no one else but heroes of the myths have walked.”
“It is very far away, Alexander,” Hephaistion said, also looking at the horizon.
“It is…” Alexander breathed, not seeing that as an obstacle.
“And when you go,” Hephaistion said quietly, “I will follow.”
Alexander turned to look at Hephaistion, wonder upon his face. But Hephaistion’s blue eyes were serious and full of promise. Alexander smiled, nodding his head. “I am glad. One day, Hephaistion, we will travel places no other has seen before.”
Hephaistion smiled, more to the dreamy look upon Alexander’s face than his word. Alexander always made him feel like that. He stirred him like no other. Wherever Alexander would choose to go, he would follow, as long as Alexander would want him to.
They walked ahead again, Alexander no longer speaking about travelling to far lands. After a minute, Alexander picked up a stick lying beside the road, swinging it before Hephaistion playfully. Hephaistion stopped, looking for another wooden weapon. He didn’t find any, to his disappointment, and turned back to Alexander. “It seems, my mighty Achilles, that I am without a weapon,” he laughed.
Alexander halted, drawing a line to the sand with his stick. He raised his head, looking at Hephaistion. The brown eyes were suddenly nervous and very serious, as if he was about to reveal some kind of great secret that he had ‘till then held in his heart and told to none. “I would like you to know that I -”
“Alexander! Hephaistion! Hurry!” came a shout from below, and they saw Ptolemy standing on the road, beckoning at them.
“I know, Alexander,” Hephaistion whispered, brushing against Alexander’s arm as he passed by the prince. Alexander looked after him, his face disappointed as he ran after his friend, for once wishing he could have had one moment in peace and alone with Hephaistion.
to be continued…
~ ~ ~
Chapter 2
His father was dead. King Philip was dead. Murdered. It seemed as if the foundations of his life were collapsing on him. The moment when Hephaistion had grabbed his arm and raised him up, declaring him as a new king… he still couldn’t quite understand. He was the king now. But he had not become one the way he had wanted to. The way he had always dreamed to.
Alexander rolled to his other side, remembering his fight with his mother. He had blamed her. Even now, he still wasn’t sure if he believed her innocent. At the moment, he believed very little of anyone.
The door of his room opened and soft sound of feet touching the floor told Alexander that someone had entered. Despite his current mood, he found himself smiling. Hephaistion. No else would have dared to enter his rooms like this, uninvited. But Hephaistion was different: he would always be welcome. No one would be able to change that.
As the other man came into view, his blue eyes shining with concern, Alexander rolled onto his back upon his bed, giving Hephaistion a small smile. Extending his hand, he beckoned Hephaistion closer. Smiling, Hephaistion accepted the invitation, letting Alexander draw him to the bed beside him.
Allowing Alexander a small moment of comfort, Hephaistion obeyed the young king’s silent plea, resting his head upon the smooth chest, his eyes searching Alexander’s. Shifting slightly, he rested his head above Alexander’s heart, listening the steady beat beneath the skin. Closing his eyes, he felt Alexander’s hands draw him closer, closing him into a desperate embrace.
“I am glad you came,” Alexander whispered, his left hand smoothing Hephaistion’s hair. “I do not wish to be alone. Not today.”
Hephaistion opened his eyes again, feeling Alexander’s hurt plainly. “You had a fight with your mother.”
“Is there anything you do not know something about?”
“I can see it upon your face, Alexander. And it doesn’t require much thought to reach the right conclusion, anyway,” Hephaistion smiled sadly, his hand playing idly with Alexander’s garments. “Have you already decided?” he asked then, letting Alexander decided how and to what question he wished to answer.
Alexander caught Hephaistion’s hand in his, drawing it to his lips and softly kissing it. “I am at loss. Frightened. I do not know what to do. And yet I know…”
“Of course you know,” Hephaistion said, causing Alexander to look down at him. “You are my Alexander, after all.”
Alexander smiled at this, letting the matter drop for a moment. They lay thus for a long time, Alexander taking strength and faith from his lover. Lover, Alexander wondered, letting his gaze drop upon Hephaistion again, who had his eyes closed and lay unmoving in his embrace and for a moment Alexander wondered if the other man had fallen asleep. But when he stroked Hephaistion’s hair again, a smile upon the other’s face told him that Hephaistion was indeed still awake. For years we have loved each other, but I wonder if we have ever said it aloud. I have never had the courage, and I have lived believing that no words are needed. Maybe they are not…
Alexander pondered this, frowning slightly. Even as his entire world was changing, many of his beautiful illusions shattering to the ground, one thing stayed unchanging, unyielding. Hephaistion’s love for him. And his love for Hephaistion. And yet he somehow felt unfulfilled. He knew that their love was not perfect. Not entirely. “When men lie together in lust, it is a surrender to the passions, and does nothing for the excellence in us.” Words said many years ago still both haunted and encouraged Alexander. Maybe he now knew what Hephaistion had felt like that day: he himself felt uncertain at the moment. He feared he would break the line: that he would do something that would stain their love forever.
“What are you thinking?” came out a soft voice, and Alexander found Hephaistion’s eyes staring up at him. “Your heart beats so hard that I…” he halted, seeing Alexander’s expression change slightly. “Did I say something?” he asked, fearing he had done something to upset his friend. He never wanted to upset Alexander, especially today…
“Do you not know why my heart beats?” Alexander said, his voice deep with some unnamed emotion. He drew Hephaistion closer, his fingers caressing the warm skin he encountered beneath the clothes. “My heart beats for you, Hephaistion, and when you are near, it feels like bursting with joy.”
Hephaistion took a deep breath, smiling tentatively. But before he was able to give Alexander any kind of answer, the arm still winded around him tightened, and with a swift movement Alexander rolled them around, landing beside Hephaistion with a grace honed by years of practice.
Hephaistion squirmed, but Alexander’s arm still kept him prisoner, the young king’s smile telling that his lover wasn’t going to move anywhere before he so wished. Gradually, Hephaistion relaxed, his eyes never leaving Alexander’s. He reached out a hand, caressing the sand-coloured hair, travelling from there down to a cheek and then to tense shoulders, his massaging fingers making Alexander arch back. Hephaistion mirrored the movement with his other hand, his fingers soon working the tense muscles loose. Alexander didn’t move during this, his eyes never leaving Hephaistion’s.
When Hephaistion was finished, Alexander rolled his shoulders gratefully. “Thank you,” he whispered. His face went thoughtful again, and he inched a little closer to his lover. “Whatever tomorrow may bring, I am afraid of it no more.”
Hephaistion laughed quietly, his eyes shining. “You have feared nothing for many years, Alexander. At times, I wonder if Achilles is born again in you.”
“If so, then Patroclus lives in you,” Alexander replied, resting his head against Hephaistion’s bent knees. “My Hephaistion,” he finally whispered, his eyes shining with his love for the other man.
Hephaistion shifted, barely hearing the words. “Yours,” he replied, “now and forever. In life and death, I am yours, if you so choose.”
“Such gift is given to me that even the Gods envy it,” Alexander breathed, kissing the skin beneath his cheek. “I wonder if this is what Achilles felt when Patroclus was taken from him: that the Gods envied him so much for his love that they took his beloved away from him.”
“Then I suppose we should be glad we are not Achilles and Patroclus,” Hephaistion uttered, challenging Alexander with his gaze.
“No, we are not,” Alexander said slowly, raising to sit on his place. Slowly but gently his hands pried Hephaistion’s thighs apart, and then he slowly drew himself to rest upon his lover, a smile of triumph upon his face. “We are not Achilles and Patroclus, but we shall be greater.”
Hephaistion didn’t reply into this, for he had no words for the man above him. The only thing he knew was that if Alexander indeed planned to go east - and he had no reason to believe he did not plan to - he would go with him. Wherever Alexander went, he would follow. It was an oath he had swore to him years ago, and he would hold true to it, with all his heart.
Alexander was speaking again, pouring out his heart of his visions of future. Hephaistion only partially listened him, knowing the meaning behind the words as surely as Alexander’s heart beat against his: Alexander would be a legend. He would be a myth. Some would say he was a God. Let them say it, he thought. I know the truth. Because I know Alexander. And I will always love him. As he is now, and not as a son of a God. I will love him as a man, like Patroclus loved Achilles who was blessed by the Gods.
“Hephaistion?”
A soft call awoke Hephaistion from his thoughts, and he smiled up at Alexander. “I will follow you,” he breathed, his eyes glimmering with love and unshed tears. “I will follow you wherever you may go on your road. To the very gates of Hades if you so ask.” The desperation in his voice nearly shocked Hephaistion himself, but he didn’t wonder at this. His urge to be with Alexander was like the air he breathed: necessary, the lack of it deadly. “I will always be with you, and I will never leave you, my Alexander,” he whispered fervently, twining his hands around Alexander’s shoulders, his legs locking themselves around Alexander’s waist, pulling the other man closer, as if trying to prove by this that he meant every word.
An Alexander clung into him with the same, desperate ferocity. “Yes, Hephaistion, we will always be together, in life or death, it doesn’t matter. I will love you forever.” Hephaistion lifted his face, touching Alexander’s forehead with his, relaxing slightly. Alexander shifted, his hands burying themselves between Hephaistion’s body and the mattress beneath them, drawing the other’s body closer to his.
Finally content, Alexander closed his eyes, welcoming the sleep and the dreams that it would offer. Tomorrow he would be king again, but tonight he would be only a man. A lover.
Long after Alexander fell asleep Hephaistion laid awake, listening the other’s deep breathing, feeling every rise and fall of Alexander’s chest, savouring every beat of his heart against his. None but Gods knew of tomorrow, but today they were both alive. And he would see to it that Alexander would live long into the future, even if this would cost him his own life.
Finally Hephaistion gave in to the sweet call of rest, and with a final kiss to Alexander’s forehead, Hephaistion let the dreams take over him, feeling safe and loved in the embrace of his beloved.
to be continued…
~ ~ ~
Chapter 3
Alexander woke up at some time of the night, feeling slightly disoriented for a while. His rooms were dark, but a soft, steady breathing against his neck indicated that he was not alone in the room. Blinking in the darkness, Alexander turned his head, seeing the moon reflecting from behind the curtains covering the doorway of the balcony. It was indeed night as he had first guessed.
Shifting a little, Alexander looked down at the sleeping figure beside him. In the nearly absent light it was hard to see at all, but Alexander’s hazy memory was already collecting itself and one touch told him exactly whom he had invited into his bed tonight. A smile crept upon his face as he lowered his head to kiss the forehead of the other. He slid his arms around the prone form, pulling it closer. A soft moan escaped from his companion, and Alexander’s smile turned fond.
He remembered the letter he had received from his mother yesterday. She had demanded him to bring her into Babylon immediately. Hephaistion had encouraged him, and who was he to deny his friend’s counsel?
Glancing down once more, he just made out the peaceful silhouette of Hephaistion’s sleeping form. He had asked him to stay with him for the night. After a moment of uncertainty, Hephaistion had agreed, to Alexander’s great relief. He wasn’t sure what he would have done if Hephaistion had refused…
A desperate wail echoed from some of the hallways, carrying clearly in the silence of the night. Reflexively, Alexander lowered his hand upon Hephaistion’s head, fondling the dark hair. The wail came out again, and then stopped, making Alexander wonder what was causing it. But many were the pleasures here at Babylon…
Hephaistion sighed contentedly, unconsciously moving nearer to the warm body beside him. What dreams he saw Alexander didn’t dare to guess, but in a dark corner of his mind he hoped that his lover was dreaming of him. And here again I stand face to face with my fear, Alexander thought grimly. I have become a king of Asia, I command thousands of men, and yet I am afraid of something that all my men have conquered: I do not dare to love my lover as I should and as I desire. Could it be so that we are both still remembering Aristotle’s words, and I am now beginning to share Hephaistion’s uncertainty? What happens if we do something wrong? What would become of our love…
Glancing at Hephaistion, Alexander remembered his own response when Hephaistion had asked this of him. “You could never do wrong.” Alexander still believed in this. And perhaps he was worrying over nothing: his love to Hephaistion was as pure as it could be, and when the day would come when they would lie together… Alexander shook his head, afraid of his own thoughts. He knew what men did together: he had witnessed such actions in banquets times enough to know.
But was that the way he was willing to treat Hephaistion? Of course there were many ways to love, but such a brutal act against his lover seemed somewhat wrong, as Alexander thought about it. Would he, king of Macedonia and Asia, dare to touch his lover like he would never touch another man?
The answer was simple enough, and it frightened Alexander. He had been uncertain for years, but now he knew.
And the answer was yes. If Hephaistion would have him. He would never force his lover into anything.
Turning to his side, Alexander watched Hephaistion. The rays of the moon shining through the curtain filled the room with silver light, making everything look like a world of dreams. Caught up with an inner desire, Alexander let his hands roam over Hephaistion’s body, his fingers gently touching the skin visible to him. He felt like a thief in the night, stealing soft caresses from his lover, but he couldn’t help himself. He had yearned for this for so long, and now that an opportunity presented itself so temptingly…
Alexander shifted closer, closing his eyes, his touch memorising every moment of this. Hephaistion moved slightly when Alexander’s fingers played down his back, mapping out the scars of many battles. As Hephaistion did not stir, Alexander grew bolder, his touch lingering longer. He had touched Hephaistion before, but this seemed so much more intimate than ever, as if the Gods had possessed him.
Carefully, not wishing to wake Hephaistion, Alexander rested his head upon Hephaistion’s shoulder, breathing in the familiar, soothing scent that always calmed him and made him oblivious for the rest of the world. Tenderly, he kissed the skin that was warm beneath his touch, deciding that this was the first time he tasted Hephaistion. Smiling at this new discovery, Alexander joined his mouth to his fingers, mapping out the body before him.
He found a long scar near the hip, tracing it with his fingers, then with his mouth. He couldn’t completely forget that it was his doing that Hephaistion had his scars: his guest to the east had drawn his lover to battles, but not once had Hephaistion hesitated. They both had their own scars, both visible and invisible.
In his thoughts, Alexander slid the garment partially covering Hephaistion lower, following the long scar down a strong thigh. Only when a ragged breath was drawn above him, Alexander looked up from his task, seeing a pair of eyes glint in the darkness. Hephaistion blinked, but he looked all but asleep. The wake up he had received was all but that he had been used to, and the confusion upon his face was obvious. And yet Alexander saw something else in his eyes and expression. Something that made the king’s heart beat faster. With one, lingering kiss upon the thigh, Alexander slowly crawled up to lie beside Hephaistion, still feeling uncertain as how Hephaistion would react at this. Would he leave Alexander, never facing him again?
Hephaistion blinked once more, and then his hands shot up with a speed that had made many enemies fall, grabbing Alexander by the shoulders and drawing the other man closer. Alexander tried to pull away a little, wishing to make sure that Hephaistion was not hurt, but the other gave him no chance for that. With a need that had grown for years, Hephaistion kissed Alexander, his hands locked around Alexander’s neck, preventing him from moving.
Accepting this, Alexander met Hephaistion, feeling the other man yield under him, the hands behind his neck loosening, caressing his hair. They kissed like this for a long moment, not violently like warriors, but more like experimentally, learning each other.
When they finally drew apart, Hephaistion held Alexander close, his eyes as dark as the night sky and his breathing unsteady. Caressing Alexander’s back, Hephaistion slowly smiled. “My Alexander,” he breathed, making Alexander shiver. The blue eyes held a promise for future, love shining in them, no longer hidden or uncertain.
Resting himself upon his lover, Alexander pressed their foreheads together. “My Hephaistion,” he echoed, closing his eyes in bliss. There was no need to rush. They loved each other, and that was enough. They would have an eternity in front of them.
The End
Title: I Will Follow
Author: Del Rion (delrion.mail (at) gmail.com)
Fandom: Alexander the Great (movie)
Genre: Drama, Romance
Rating: T / FRT
Characters: Alexander, Hephaistion
Pairing: Alexander/Hephaistion
Summary: Love and loyalty. Right and wrong. There are many ways to love, but which of them is right?
Complete.
Warnings: Violence, mentioning/hints of slash
Beta: Kitt of Lindon (thank you!)
Disclaimer: None of the characters or places belong to me, but to the history and Intermedia Films.
Feedback: Yes, please, be so kind! Please review, I would love to know your opinion.
About I Will Follow: My first Alexander fic. A short portray to the emotions between Alexander and Hephaistion, whose feelings for each other were so much more than mere companionship and loyalty.
No real point here, but I just had to get it done. =)
Chapters and their status: Here below you see the writing process of the story’s chapters. If there is no text after the chapter’s name, then it is finished and checked (until someone of my dear readers points me out some mistake, or I will do some updating…) so, check this page, because here I will mark the dates of the updates…
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
~ ~ ~
Chapter 1
“When men lie together in lust, it is a surrender to the passions, and does nothing for the excellence in us. Nor does any other excess, Cassander, jealousy among them,” Aristotle looked pointedly at the youngster, and then again turned to look at Alexander before him. “But when men lie together and knowledge and virtue pass between them, that is pure and excellent. When they compete to bring out the good and the best in each other, this is the love between men that can build the city state and lift us from our frog pond.”
Alexander smiled at his teacher, letting these words sink into his heart. This is the kind of love that heroes like Achilles and Patroclus shared: pure and excellent. At his side, Alexander felt Hephaistion shift as the other boy kept writing down Aristotle’s words. Alexander turned his head slightly, watching the dark haired youth beside him. Hephaistion had his entire focus on the old man’s words, and Alexander was able to watch the other in secret for a long while. He liked to watch Hephaistion. And if he couldn’t watch him, just to be near the other boy was enough. Alexander thought he was beginning to understand what he felt, but yet he felt unsure. Love for another seemed to be a serious, deep thing. Shaking his head, the prince focused on Aristotle’s words again.
Hephaistion shifted again, his arm brushing against Alexander’s as he raised his blue eyes from the parchment. Throwing Alexander a quick smile, he kept listening the speech of Aristotle.
The lesson ended soon, and the children sprang up, running down the hill with all their speed. Hephaistion stayed behind, soon noticing that Alexander was walking beside him. Together they walked in silence, a lazy summer wind playing with their clothing.
“What do you make of it?” Hephaistion said at last, glancing at the papers his carried in his arms. “What was the love between Achilles and Patroclus like?”
Alexander looked at his friend, his eyes shining. “Did you even listen what Aristotle told us?” he teased.
Hephaistion lowered his head, biting his lip. He halted, looking at his papers again. “Pure and excellent. But how can you know which is which? What if you do something wrong…” he fell silent, reading through the lines over and over again.
Alexander walked to his friend, placing a hand upon Hephaistion’s shoulder. “Maybe you know when the time comes.”
Hephaistion raised his head, his eyes meeting Alexander’s. “But what if… I mean, there may never be such a chance…” he stammered, his eyes darting to the side.
Alexander smiled, dodging his head slightly to catch Hephaistion’s stare again. “Do not be afraid, Hephaistion. You could never do wrong.” Blue eyes blinked, uncertainty in them. “Do you trust me, Hephaistion?” Alexander asked, his eyes serious. Hephaistion nodded without hesitation. “Then believe me,” Alexander smiled, starting down along the path again. His eyes swept across the horizon, and he looked at Hephaistion again as the other reached his side. “One day, I shall go and travel beyond horizon. I will see what lays there, far away in the east, where no one else but heroes of the myths have walked.”
“It is very far away, Alexander,” Hephaistion said, also looking at the horizon.
“It is…” Alexander breathed, not seeing that as an obstacle.
“And when you go,” Hephaistion said quietly, “I will follow.”
Alexander turned to look at Hephaistion, wonder upon his face. But Hephaistion’s blue eyes were serious and full of promise. Alexander smiled, nodding his head. “I am glad. One day, Hephaistion, we will travel places no other has seen before.”
Hephaistion smiled, more to the dreamy look upon Alexander’s face than his word. Alexander always made him feel like that. He stirred him like no other. Wherever Alexander would choose to go, he would follow, as long as Alexander would want him to.
They walked ahead again, Alexander no longer speaking about travelling to far lands. After a minute, Alexander picked up a stick lying beside the road, swinging it before Hephaistion playfully. Hephaistion stopped, looking for another wooden weapon. He didn’t find any, to his disappointment, and turned back to Alexander. “It seems, my mighty Achilles, that I am without a weapon,” he laughed.
Alexander halted, drawing a line to the sand with his stick. He raised his head, looking at Hephaistion. The brown eyes were suddenly nervous and very serious, as if he was about to reveal some kind of great secret that he had ‘till then held in his heart and told to none. “I would like you to know that I -”
“Alexander! Hephaistion! Hurry!” came a shout from below, and they saw Ptolemy standing on the road, beckoning at them.
“I know, Alexander,” Hephaistion whispered, brushing against Alexander’s arm as he passed by the prince. Alexander looked after him, his face disappointed as he ran after his friend, for once wishing he could have had one moment in peace and alone with Hephaistion.
to be continued…
~ ~ ~
Chapter 2
His father was dead. King Philip was dead. Murdered. It seemed as if the foundations of his life were collapsing on him. The moment when Hephaistion had grabbed his arm and raised him up, declaring him as a new king… he still couldn’t quite understand. He was the king now. But he had not become one the way he had wanted to. The way he had always dreamed to.
Alexander rolled to his other side, remembering his fight with his mother. He had blamed her. Even now, he still wasn’t sure if he believed her innocent. At the moment, he believed very little of anyone.
The door of his room opened and soft sound of feet touching the floor told Alexander that someone had entered. Despite his current mood, he found himself smiling. Hephaistion. No else would have dared to enter his rooms like this, uninvited. But Hephaistion was different: he would always be welcome. No one would be able to change that.
As the other man came into view, his blue eyes shining with concern, Alexander rolled onto his back upon his bed, giving Hephaistion a small smile. Extending his hand, he beckoned Hephaistion closer. Smiling, Hephaistion accepted the invitation, letting Alexander draw him to the bed beside him.
Allowing Alexander a small moment of comfort, Hephaistion obeyed the young king’s silent plea, resting his head upon the smooth chest, his eyes searching Alexander’s. Shifting slightly, he rested his head above Alexander’s heart, listening the steady beat beneath the skin. Closing his eyes, he felt Alexander’s hands draw him closer, closing him into a desperate embrace.
“I am glad you came,” Alexander whispered, his left hand smoothing Hephaistion’s hair. “I do not wish to be alone. Not today.”
Hephaistion opened his eyes again, feeling Alexander’s hurt plainly. “You had a fight with your mother.”
“Is there anything you do not know something about?”
“I can see it upon your face, Alexander. And it doesn’t require much thought to reach the right conclusion, anyway,” Hephaistion smiled sadly, his hand playing idly with Alexander’s garments. “Have you already decided?” he asked then, letting Alexander decided how and to what question he wished to answer.
Alexander caught Hephaistion’s hand in his, drawing it to his lips and softly kissing it. “I am at loss. Frightened. I do not know what to do. And yet I know…”
“Of course you know,” Hephaistion said, causing Alexander to look down at him. “You are my Alexander, after all.”
Alexander smiled at this, letting the matter drop for a moment. They lay thus for a long time, Alexander taking strength and faith from his lover. Lover, Alexander wondered, letting his gaze drop upon Hephaistion again, who had his eyes closed and lay unmoving in his embrace and for a moment Alexander wondered if the other man had fallen asleep. But when he stroked Hephaistion’s hair again, a smile upon the other’s face told him that Hephaistion was indeed still awake. For years we have loved each other, but I wonder if we have ever said it aloud. I have never had the courage, and I have lived believing that no words are needed. Maybe they are not…
Alexander pondered this, frowning slightly. Even as his entire world was changing, many of his beautiful illusions shattering to the ground, one thing stayed unchanging, unyielding. Hephaistion’s love for him. And his love for Hephaistion. And yet he somehow felt unfulfilled. He knew that their love was not perfect. Not entirely. “When men lie together in lust, it is a surrender to the passions, and does nothing for the excellence in us.” Words said many years ago still both haunted and encouraged Alexander. Maybe he now knew what Hephaistion had felt like that day: he himself felt uncertain at the moment. He feared he would break the line: that he would do something that would stain their love forever.
“What are you thinking?” came out a soft voice, and Alexander found Hephaistion’s eyes staring up at him. “Your heart beats so hard that I…” he halted, seeing Alexander’s expression change slightly. “Did I say something?” he asked, fearing he had done something to upset his friend. He never wanted to upset Alexander, especially today…
“Do you not know why my heart beats?” Alexander said, his voice deep with some unnamed emotion. He drew Hephaistion closer, his fingers caressing the warm skin he encountered beneath the clothes. “My heart beats for you, Hephaistion, and when you are near, it feels like bursting with joy.”
Hephaistion took a deep breath, smiling tentatively. But before he was able to give Alexander any kind of answer, the arm still winded around him tightened, and with a swift movement Alexander rolled them around, landing beside Hephaistion with a grace honed by years of practice.
Hephaistion squirmed, but Alexander’s arm still kept him prisoner, the young king’s smile telling that his lover wasn’t going to move anywhere before he so wished. Gradually, Hephaistion relaxed, his eyes never leaving Alexander’s. He reached out a hand, caressing the sand-coloured hair, travelling from there down to a cheek and then to tense shoulders, his massaging fingers making Alexander arch back. Hephaistion mirrored the movement with his other hand, his fingers soon working the tense muscles loose. Alexander didn’t move during this, his eyes never leaving Hephaistion’s.
When Hephaistion was finished, Alexander rolled his shoulders gratefully. “Thank you,” he whispered. His face went thoughtful again, and he inched a little closer to his lover. “Whatever tomorrow may bring, I am afraid of it no more.”
Hephaistion laughed quietly, his eyes shining. “You have feared nothing for many years, Alexander. At times, I wonder if Achilles is born again in you.”
“If so, then Patroclus lives in you,” Alexander replied, resting his head against Hephaistion’s bent knees. “My Hephaistion,” he finally whispered, his eyes shining with his love for the other man.
Hephaistion shifted, barely hearing the words. “Yours,” he replied, “now and forever. In life and death, I am yours, if you so choose.”
“Such gift is given to me that even the Gods envy it,” Alexander breathed, kissing the skin beneath his cheek. “I wonder if this is what Achilles felt when Patroclus was taken from him: that the Gods envied him so much for his love that they took his beloved away from him.”
“Then I suppose we should be glad we are not Achilles and Patroclus,” Hephaistion uttered, challenging Alexander with his gaze.
“No, we are not,” Alexander said slowly, raising to sit on his place. Slowly but gently his hands pried Hephaistion’s thighs apart, and then he slowly drew himself to rest upon his lover, a smile of triumph upon his face. “We are not Achilles and Patroclus, but we shall be greater.”
Hephaistion didn’t reply into this, for he had no words for the man above him. The only thing he knew was that if Alexander indeed planned to go east - and he had no reason to believe he did not plan to - he would go with him. Wherever Alexander went, he would follow. It was an oath he had swore to him years ago, and he would hold true to it, with all his heart.
Alexander was speaking again, pouring out his heart of his visions of future. Hephaistion only partially listened him, knowing the meaning behind the words as surely as Alexander’s heart beat against his: Alexander would be a legend. He would be a myth. Some would say he was a God. Let them say it, he thought. I know the truth. Because I know Alexander. And I will always love him. As he is now, and not as a son of a God. I will love him as a man, like Patroclus loved Achilles who was blessed by the Gods.
“Hephaistion?”
A soft call awoke Hephaistion from his thoughts, and he smiled up at Alexander. “I will follow you,” he breathed, his eyes glimmering with love and unshed tears. “I will follow you wherever you may go on your road. To the very gates of Hades if you so ask.” The desperation in his voice nearly shocked Hephaistion himself, but he didn’t wonder at this. His urge to be with Alexander was like the air he breathed: necessary, the lack of it deadly. “I will always be with you, and I will never leave you, my Alexander,” he whispered fervently, twining his hands around Alexander’s shoulders, his legs locking themselves around Alexander’s waist, pulling the other man closer, as if trying to prove by this that he meant every word.
An Alexander clung into him with the same, desperate ferocity. “Yes, Hephaistion, we will always be together, in life or death, it doesn’t matter. I will love you forever.” Hephaistion lifted his face, touching Alexander’s forehead with his, relaxing slightly. Alexander shifted, his hands burying themselves between Hephaistion’s body and the mattress beneath them, drawing the other’s body closer to his.
Finally content, Alexander closed his eyes, welcoming the sleep and the dreams that it would offer. Tomorrow he would be king again, but tonight he would be only a man. A lover.
Long after Alexander fell asleep Hephaistion laid awake, listening the other’s deep breathing, feeling every rise and fall of Alexander’s chest, savouring every beat of his heart against his. None but Gods knew of tomorrow, but today they were both alive. And he would see to it that Alexander would live long into the future, even if this would cost him his own life.
Finally Hephaistion gave in to the sweet call of rest, and with a final kiss to Alexander’s forehead, Hephaistion let the dreams take over him, feeling safe and loved in the embrace of his beloved.
to be continued…
~ ~ ~
Chapter 3
Alexander woke up at some time of the night, feeling slightly disoriented for a while. His rooms were dark, but a soft, steady breathing against his neck indicated that he was not alone in the room. Blinking in the darkness, Alexander turned his head, seeing the moon reflecting from behind the curtains covering the doorway of the balcony. It was indeed night as he had first guessed.
Shifting a little, Alexander looked down at the sleeping figure beside him. In the nearly absent light it was hard to see at all, but Alexander’s hazy memory was already collecting itself and one touch told him exactly whom he had invited into his bed tonight. A smile crept upon his face as he lowered his head to kiss the forehead of the other. He slid his arms around the prone form, pulling it closer. A soft moan escaped from his companion, and Alexander’s smile turned fond.
He remembered the letter he had received from his mother yesterday. She had demanded him to bring her into Babylon immediately. Hephaistion had encouraged him, and who was he to deny his friend’s counsel?
Glancing down once more, he just made out the peaceful silhouette of Hephaistion’s sleeping form. He had asked him to stay with him for the night. After a moment of uncertainty, Hephaistion had agreed, to Alexander’s great relief. He wasn’t sure what he would have done if Hephaistion had refused…
A desperate wail echoed from some of the hallways, carrying clearly in the silence of the night. Reflexively, Alexander lowered his hand upon Hephaistion’s head, fondling the dark hair. The wail came out again, and then stopped, making Alexander wonder what was causing it. But many were the pleasures here at Babylon…
Hephaistion sighed contentedly, unconsciously moving nearer to the warm body beside him. What dreams he saw Alexander didn’t dare to guess, but in a dark corner of his mind he hoped that his lover was dreaming of him. And here again I stand face to face with my fear, Alexander thought grimly. I have become a king of Asia, I command thousands of men, and yet I am afraid of something that all my men have conquered: I do not dare to love my lover as I should and as I desire. Could it be so that we are both still remembering Aristotle’s words, and I am now beginning to share Hephaistion’s uncertainty? What happens if we do something wrong? What would become of our love…
Glancing at Hephaistion, Alexander remembered his own response when Hephaistion had asked this of him. “You could never do wrong.” Alexander still believed in this. And perhaps he was worrying over nothing: his love to Hephaistion was as pure as it could be, and when the day would come when they would lie together… Alexander shook his head, afraid of his own thoughts. He knew what men did together: he had witnessed such actions in banquets times enough to know.
But was that the way he was willing to treat Hephaistion? Of course there were many ways to love, but such a brutal act against his lover seemed somewhat wrong, as Alexander thought about it. Would he, king of Macedonia and Asia, dare to touch his lover like he would never touch another man?
The answer was simple enough, and it frightened Alexander. He had been uncertain for years, but now he knew.
And the answer was yes. If Hephaistion would have him. He would never force his lover into anything.
Turning to his side, Alexander watched Hephaistion. The rays of the moon shining through the curtain filled the room with silver light, making everything look like a world of dreams. Caught up with an inner desire, Alexander let his hands roam over Hephaistion’s body, his fingers gently touching the skin visible to him. He felt like a thief in the night, stealing soft caresses from his lover, but he couldn’t help himself. He had yearned for this for so long, and now that an opportunity presented itself so temptingly…
Alexander shifted closer, closing his eyes, his touch memorising every moment of this. Hephaistion moved slightly when Alexander’s fingers played down his back, mapping out the scars of many battles. As Hephaistion did not stir, Alexander grew bolder, his touch lingering longer. He had touched Hephaistion before, but this seemed so much more intimate than ever, as if the Gods had possessed him.
Carefully, not wishing to wake Hephaistion, Alexander rested his head upon Hephaistion’s shoulder, breathing in the familiar, soothing scent that always calmed him and made him oblivious for the rest of the world. Tenderly, he kissed the skin that was warm beneath his touch, deciding that this was the first time he tasted Hephaistion. Smiling at this new discovery, Alexander joined his mouth to his fingers, mapping out the body before him.
He found a long scar near the hip, tracing it with his fingers, then with his mouth. He couldn’t completely forget that it was his doing that Hephaistion had his scars: his guest to the east had drawn his lover to battles, but not once had Hephaistion hesitated. They both had their own scars, both visible and invisible.
In his thoughts, Alexander slid the garment partially covering Hephaistion lower, following the long scar down a strong thigh. Only when a ragged breath was drawn above him, Alexander looked up from his task, seeing a pair of eyes glint in the darkness. Hephaistion blinked, but he looked all but asleep. The wake up he had received was all but that he had been used to, and the confusion upon his face was obvious. And yet Alexander saw something else in his eyes and expression. Something that made the king’s heart beat faster. With one, lingering kiss upon the thigh, Alexander slowly crawled up to lie beside Hephaistion, still feeling uncertain as how Hephaistion would react at this. Would he leave Alexander, never facing him again?
Hephaistion blinked once more, and then his hands shot up with a speed that had made many enemies fall, grabbing Alexander by the shoulders and drawing the other man closer. Alexander tried to pull away a little, wishing to make sure that Hephaistion was not hurt, but the other gave him no chance for that. With a need that had grown for years, Hephaistion kissed Alexander, his hands locked around Alexander’s neck, preventing him from moving.
Accepting this, Alexander met Hephaistion, feeling the other man yield under him, the hands behind his neck loosening, caressing his hair. They kissed like this for a long moment, not violently like warriors, but more like experimentally, learning each other.
When they finally drew apart, Hephaistion held Alexander close, his eyes as dark as the night sky and his breathing unsteady. Caressing Alexander’s back, Hephaistion slowly smiled. “My Alexander,” he breathed, making Alexander shiver. The blue eyes held a promise for future, love shining in them, no longer hidden or uncertain.
Resting himself upon his lover, Alexander pressed their foreheads together. “My Hephaistion,” he echoed, closing his eyes in bliss. There was no need to rush. They loved each other, and that was enough. They would have an eternity in front of them.
The End