FIC: Spread Your White Sheets Over My Empty House, NC-17
Title: Spread Your White Sheets Over My Empty House
Author: Erin
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 18,000~
Pairing/Characters: Jared/Chris, Jared/Jensen
Summary: Sometimes you meet the one person you’re supposed to be with at the worst time.
Disclaimer: I cry myself to sleep every night with the knowledge that I don’t own them.
Notes at the end.
Jensen walked into the crowded bar, pushing his way through the throng of people, trying to make his way to the bar to grab a beer. The noise in the place was just shy of deafening; between the bass pounding out of the speakers and the constant stream of chatter from the patrons, he could barely hear himself think. At the bar he gestured to the bartender, a man named Derek who knew Jensen well enough not to have to ask what kind of beer he wanted. A few minutes later, Jensen was leaning back against the bar, surveying the room. The turnout was great for Chris, as new bar owner and Jensen’s best friend. Didn’t hurt that Kane, Chris’ band, was set to take the stage a little later, too.
Jensen glanced at his watch to check the time, idly wondering how long it’d be until the band took stage. Raising his eyes back up, he caught a flash of dimples out of the corner of his eye and he automatically turned his head to see. Standing at the end of the bar, towering over pretty much everyone else, was the most attractive man Jensen had ever seen. He had shaggy brown hair that looked soft to the touch and dimples so deep, Jensen wanted to measure their indent. He couldn’t make out the man’s eye color from this distance, but since Jensen’s new goal was to get as close as he could in as little time as possible, he didn’t foresee a problem finding out. Taking a deep breath and tamping down his natural shyness, Jensen began wending his way down the bar. It seemed to take forever, but eventually he arrived at the mystery man’s side. Now, of course, came the hard part. He swallowed, his nervousness making itself known by tying his stomach into knots. Damn it, why couldn’t this come easier to him? He was thirty years old, for God’s sake! He should be over his crippling shyness by now.
He wracked his brain, attempting to come up with something to say that wouldn’t sound like a line when a voice spoke close to his ear.
“Hey!”
Jensen glanced up, prepared to give the brush off to whoever was attempting to talk to him when he was so clearly busy with the important task of securing his future when his eyes met those of the man who had spoken. It was the man who Jensen had decided he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Or at the very least, the night.
“Um, hi,” he stammered out, unable to believe his luck. Things like this never happened to Jensen; he almost always had to make the first move-something that had, and never would, come easy to him. Chris said it was because people were intimidated by Jensen’s looks, which Jen thought was a ridiculous theory. He was just a normal-looking guy; for all that Chris said he wasn’t. Chris was his best friend; he was supposed to say stuff like that.
Jensen realized the guy must have said something while he’d been lost in thought, because he was being watched expectantly. Jensen flushed and smiled apologetically. “I’m sorry, what did you say?”
The man just laughed. “It’s loud as hell in here. I asked if you’re here to see the band.”
Jensen smiled again, this time trying to project ‘I’m available and interested.’ “Yeah, sort of. I mean, I’m here a lot. I know the owner.”
The guy’s eyes lit up. “Oh, yeah? Me, too! I’m Jared, by the way.” He stuck his hand out to shake Jensen’s. By that point, Jensen’s mind was working furiously, and seconds later, everything clicked into place.
“You’re Jared,” he said numbly, staring blankly at the proffered hand still stretched out in front of him. “Chris’ Jared.”
Jared was looking at him, puzzlement etched on his face. “Yeah,” he answered cautiously, withdrawing his hand. “And you are?”
“Jensen.” He felt nauseated as he remembered Chris’ phone call a week ago, Chris’ voice as he’d talked about how great the guy he was seeing was, and how he couldn’t wait for Jensen to meet him because he knew they’d hit it off right away. Jensen forced down a mirthless laugh. Yeah, they’d hit it off all right. Or at least, Jensen felt like he’d been hit.
“Oh, hey!” Jared exclaimed, his face transforming from confusion to happiness in the blink of an eye. “Jensen! Chris talks about you all the time, man! I was starting to worry he’d made you up, though. It’s about time we met."
“Sorry,” Jensen answered, his eyes trained on a spot above Jared’s left shoulder. He forced himself to meet Jared’s gaze and pasted a smile on. “I’ve been really busy.”
Jared slapped Jensen on the shoulder. “Hey, no worries, man,” he said good naturedly. “I knew we’d meet sooner or later.”
Jensen was saved from having to answer when the lights dimmed suddenly, signaling that it was time for the band to come out. Jared’s eyes immediately went to the stage, and as Jensen watched, Jared actually bounced on his toes in anticipation. Jensen sighed and motioned to the bartender for another beer. It was going to be a long night; and getting rip-roaring drunk seemed like a pretty good plan.
An hour later, the band was finishing their set, and Jensen was finishing his fifth beer. He was feeling pleasantly buzzed, but instead of actually feeling pleasant, he was mostly feeling depressed. And sorry for himself. Kane finished their song and the room erupted in applause. Jensen clapped half-heartedly while next to him Jared cheered wildly. Jensen snorted to himself. It wasn’t like they were in Madison Square Garden. Jared could tone it down a little.
“Man,” Jared enthused, “they’re really great!”
“Yeah, they’re okay,” Jensen answered tiredly, his eyes searching the room for someone, anyone, he knew so he could get away from Jared. ‘Cause this was torture, and he just didn’t want to deal with it anymore. He felt Jared’s gaze, turned to meet it. Jared was boring holes into him, clearly irritated. Jensen had no choice but to turn away again, determined to ignore Jared’s intense stare.
“They’re okay?” Jared drawled, emphasizing the word ‘okay.’ “Dude, Chris is your best friend, and all you can manage to say is ‘They’re okay.” He even used finger quotes around the words.
Jensen rolled his eyes. “Thanks for reminding me who my best friend is, Jared. I’d forgotten.” He took a swig of beer and wished the evening would just fucking end.
Jared was still staring at him. After a moment, he said, “You’re kind of a dick.”
Stung, Jensen turned to face him and prepared to tear into him, but as soon as he opened his mouth, he shut it again. Jared was right; Jensen was acting like a dick. He was jealous of Chris and miserable because of it and feeling sorry for himself. And now Jared thought he was an ass.
He scrubbed his hands over his face and sighed. There really wasn’t much more to do than apologize. “You’re right; I’m acting like a total douche. I don’t know what’s wrong with me tonight. I’m sorry.”
Jared continued to frown, then he smiled. “It’s cool, man. We all get that way sometimes, right?”
Jensen was about to offer to buy Jared’s next beer when an arm snaked around Jensen’s mid-section and he was lifted off his feet.
“Jenny!” a voice bellowed right in his ear. “You made it! And you met my boy!”
“Put me down, Chris, you idiot!” Jensen shouted. Chris laughed, but placed Jensen back on his feet, walking around to Jared.
“Hey, darlin’,” Chris drawled to Jared. “Give me some sugar.” Jared looked exasperated at the words, but didn’t hesitate to lean down and capture Chris’ lips with his own. Jensen watched until the churning in his stomach forced him to look away from all the nauseatingly happy. How the hell did this happen? He didn’t even know Jared, so why did it matter that he couldn’t be his? He bit his bottom lip absentmindedly, trying to work through the problem in his mind, trying to figure a way out of feeling like this.
Jensen was a fairly level-headed guy, as far as his love life went. He never fell for people right off the bat, and he certainly never got worked up over someone he couldn’t have. He’d always figured that if it didn’t work out with one person, it was no big deal, there were more than enough men out there. But this felt different. This felt real.
“Uh-oh.” Chris’ voice broke into his reverie and he turned to face his friend, cocking a questioning brow. “You got trouble on your mind, boy,” he said. “I know that look.”
Jensen forced a smile. “Just work stuff,” he lied.
“What do you do?” Jared asked curiously.
“Jenny owns an art gallery,” Chris answered for Jensen.
Jared’s eyes positively lit up. “Seriously?”
Jensen nodded warily, a little taken aback by Jared’s enthusiasm. “Yeah,” he answered slowly. “The Lark, over on Clark Street.”
“Dude, that’s awesome!” Jared exclaimed. He slapped Chris on the shoulder. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me?” Chris shrugged, looking uncomfortable and staying silent.
“It’s not that big a deal or anything, Jared,” Jensen said, wanting to draw Jared’s attention away from Chris. “It’s just a small gallery, nothing to write home about.”
Jared scoffed. “To me it’s a big deal! My dream is to own a gallery to show my stuff.”
Jensen looked at Jared, his curiosity piqued. “You’re an artist?”
“Photographer, actually,” came the answer. “Wildlife, mostly.” Jared smiled sheepishly. “Well, I want to do wildlife photography, but these days I’ll take what I can get.”
Jensen was about to ask what Jared was currently working on when Chris cleared his throat, drawing their attention back to him. “Well, boys, I hate to break up this party, but I gotta get back to the band.” Chris said the words lazily, but there was a glint in his eye that said he wasn’t altogether happy with the way Jensen and Jared were getting on.
Jensen gave an inward sigh and plastered a smiled on his face. “Sure, man. Listen, I’m gonna have to take off soon, so I won’t be around after the show. Got to open the gallery early and all that.”
Chris rolled his eyes affectionately. “All work and no play makes Jenny a dull boy.”
Jensen shoved Chris’ shoulder. “Don’t call me that,” he retorted good-naturedly. “I’ll call you later, you idiot.” Chris laughed and reached up to kiss Jared’s check before leaving for the stage. Jared beamed after him, and Jensen suppressed the urge to roll his eyes.
“I’m gonna go,” he shouted to Jared over the din stirring up around them and watched as Jared’s face fell a little.
“Shoot. I was hoping to talk to you more about your gallery.”
Jensen hesitated for a beat, then, “Come by the gallery sometime, if you want. We can talk then.”
Jared grinned. “Okay, that sounds great!”
Jensen stuck his hand out toward Jared. “It was good meeting you, man.”
Jared clasped Jensen’s hand in his own. “You, too! I’m glad I finally got to meet the man behind the name.”
Jared said something else, but Jensen missed it, too busy concentrating on the warmth of Jared’s hand in his own, on the way it seemed to swallow Jensen’s hand. Tingles were starting to spread where they were connected, and Jensen had to force himself to remove his hand from Jared’s grasp.
Clearing his throat, Jensen nodded in response to whatever Jared had said. “I’ll see you around, okay?” Jared waved him off, his attention going to the stage where Chris had just appeared again. Jensen sighed to himself and made his way to the door.
Once he was outside, he took a deep breath and savored the cool night air on his face. Closing his eyes, he allowed himself to lean against the side of the building for a moment, resting quietly against the brick. Well, he thought to himself, you’ll get over it. He opened his eyes, pushed away from the wall, and went to the curb to flag down a cab.
***
The next morning, Jensen was standing in front of the newest addition to the gallery, debating whether or not it should be placed elsewhere when the jingle of bells signaled the entrance of a gallery patron. He turned around, a friendly smile on his face, only to find Jared standing in front of him holding a brown paper bag full of something and wearing a grin so wide, his dimples looked massive.
“J-Jared,” he stammered out, taken by surprise. “What are you doing here?”
Jared’s grin faltered, his eyes clouding with confusion. “I said I’d be coming by today, don’t you remember? Last night.”
Jensen thought back quickly and realized that was probably what Jared had said when Jensen had been busy counting the tingles running up his arm as they shook hands. He forced a smile. “Sorry, man. I just forgot for a second there. I’m a little tired today.”
Jared laughed, his grin back in place as though it had never left. “No problem. I know how that is.”
“So,” Jensen asked, attempting to sound jovial, “what’s in the bag?
“Lunch,” Jared answered enthusiastically. “I stopped at a deli and picked it up.” He got a worried look on his face. “You don’t mind, do you?”
Jensen’s stomach chose that moment to rumble audibly, and he blushed. “Obviously not,” he said wryly.
Jared laughed. “Where can we eat?”
Jensen motioned led him to the station where he worked during the hours the gallery was open.
“I didn’t know what you like, so I got a couple of different things.” Jared began unpacking the contents, listing the choices as he did so. “Ham and Swiss on rye, chicken salad on a croissant, corned beef on Kaiser, and tuna salad on white. Any of those sound good?”
Jensen stared at the array of choices in front of him and cleared his throat. “Wow. Um, ham and Swiss?”
Jared grinned. “Great!” He handed over one of the packaged sandwiches and pulled out one more container from the bag. “I got potato salad, too. The deli I stopped at makes the best potato salad, and I couldn’t resist. I don’t have plates, though, so we’re going to have to eat it right out of the container.” He produced two plastic forks with a flourish and Jensen had to smile. Jared looked so pleased with himself; it was kind of charming.
They sat down behind the counter space and dove into the food, not saying much as they were busy filling their stomachs. When Jensen tasted the potato salad, he couldn’t help but moan. “Dude, you were right, this is awesome.” Jared grinned and helped himself to a forkful.
When they were both finished, they sat back in their seats and relaxed. “Thanks for lunch, Jared.”
“No problem.” Jared was quiet for a moment; it was a comfortable silence, surprisingly, since they’d only known each other for such a short time. Then, “How long have you had this place?”
Jensen squinted, thinking back. “Well, I started working here right out of college, when I was twenty-three. The owner then, a guy named Mike, took a chance on me and hired me even though the ink on my degree was still wet. And then, about two years ago, Mike got married to this flaky guy named Tom and they moved to L.A. so Tom could pursue an acting career and sold the place to me.”
“Awesome,” Jared said, enthusiastic as ever.
Jensen sighed a little. “Yeah, it is. But, and I don’t want to sound ungrateful or anything, because I love this place, but sometimes I miss just working here, you know? I had the best of everything. I was doing what I love, being surrounded by art and discovering artists, but I didn’t have the responsibility that comes with owning a business. It’s pretty stressful at times.”
“I bet.”
After a beat, Jensen stood up. “Enough of this maudlin crap. Did you bring any of your photographs with you?”
Jared stood as well and blushed. “No. I didn’t know if you’d want to look at them or not. And I didn’t want you to think I was only here to try and get you to show my stuff. I don’t want you to feel like you owe me anything because I’m sleeping with your best friend.”
Jensen ignored the pang that his heart gave at the words ‘sleeping with your best friend’ and laughed. “Seriously, Jared, I don’t feel that way. If you suck, your stuff isn’t going on my walls-no matter who you’re sleeping with.”
Jared grinned. “Fair enough. I’ll bring them by soon, then.”
“Sounds great. Hey, listen. I’m having a barbeque next Friday, you coming?”
Jared furrowed his brow a little. “Chris hasn’t mentioned it.”
Damn it, Chris.
Jensen laughed and said, “Well, he probably just forgot. You should definitely come, though. The guys from the band are all going to be there, and we’ll probably just chill. Honestly, I shouldn’t even call it a barbeque, ‘cause it’s not like I have a balcony where we can all sit around and shoot the shit, but it’s a habit.”
Jared grinned. “It’s the Texas in you coming out.”
Jensen squinted up at him. “Chris said you’re from Texas, too, didn’t he? Or am I remembering something else?”
Jared drawled, “Nah, I’m from Texas, too. Can’t you tell?” Then he laughed. “I’ve lost most of my accent these days. It really only comes out when I’m drunk or tired. Anyway, I’ll definitely be there on Friday.”
“Great. Now, if you want, I’ll show you around.”
They spent the next hour going through the small gallery, Jensen pointing out his favorite pieces and Jared talking nonstop about the few photographs that Jensen had displayed. “I love the filter they used on this one,” he rambled on, “It’s made it so moody.” Jensen just nodded along. He didn’t know too much about photography, his degree was in Art Appreciation, and he’d only taken the required photography classes because he’d had to.
Jared glanced over at Jensen and blushed. “I’m talking your ear off, aren’t I? I do that a lot.”
Jensen looked at him for a long moment. He couldn’t help but think he’d be okay with Jared talking his ear off forever. A horribly girly thought, but hell, Jensen was falling and he couldn’t seem to stop himself, no matter how bad an idea it was. Finally, he spoke. “You’re okay. It’s fun to see someone talk about something they love as much as you love photography.”
They looked at each other for a while. Jensen felt like time was suspended and he was caught in it. He couldn’t move, couldn’t break eye contact, he just had to stand there and look Jared right in the eye. It was horrible and wonderful at the same time. He didn’t know what to do with this, didn’t know a way out.
Jared finally broke the gaze and looked down at the floor, blushing lightly again. “I better go. It’s getting late.”
Jensen glanced at the silver clock high on the back wall. A couple of hours had passed since Jared had walked in, but Jensen hadn’t even realized it. The time had flown by.
“All right, man. I’ll see you Friday, right?”
Jared nodded without looking at him and started for the door. “Thanks for letting me barge in on you, Jensen. I had fun today.”
Jensen walked to the door to show Jared out. “I’m happy you came by, Jared. You’re welcome anytime.”
Jared smiled shyly at Jensen and walked out the door. Jensen let the door close and walked slowly towards his desk, collapsing in his seat. Well, this was one screwed up situation. And he had a feeling it wasn’t going to get better anytime soon.
***
Friday dawned and Jensen went by the market to pick up the food for that evening’s festivities. His cart overflowing with meat and beer, he was making his way to the checkout when his phone rang. Glancing at the display, he grimaced when he saw Chris’ name lit up. He’d been sort of avoiding talking to his best friend since he’d met Jared. Maybe Chris didn’t know how Jensen was falling for his boyfriend, but Jensen did, and it made things a bit awkward on his end.
“Jenny! We still on for tonight?”
“Yep,” Jensen answered as he steered his cart into place in line behind a tired looking woman and her toddler.
“Hey,” he said suddenly to Chris, “Why didn’t you tell Jared about tonight?”
There was a moment of silence, then, “How did you know I didn’t tell him?”
Jensen rolled his eyes. Here they went. “He came by the gallery the other day. He didn’t tell you?”
“We haven’t had much time to talk,” Chris replied flatly. “Why is he coming by the gallery, Jensen?”
Jensen was immediately annoyed. This was how Chris got whenever he really liked someone; suspicious and possessive. It pissed Jen off, even if he could see the irony of being angry in this particular situation.
“Because he wanted to, Chris,” Jensen snapped. “Don’t do this again, man.”
“Do what, Jensen?” Chris snapped back. “Wait for my boyfriend to leave me for you?”
“Jesus Christ,” Jensen mumbled. “That has never happened, Chris! Why the hell are you always so worried it will?”
“Have you ever even noticed how many people check you out, Jensen? For God’s sake, walking into a club with you, I may as well not even be there! And you know, most people consider me to be good-looking, but when I’m with you it’s like I’m not even fucking there!” Chris practically yelled the words in Jensen’s ear.
“That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard, Chris!” Jensen’s voice was louder than he intended, causing the woman in line in front of him to give him a dirty look. He smiled apologetically and lowered his voice. “Look, I don’t know why you think that, or where you even got the damn idea in the first place, but you need to get over it. I’m pretty sick of feeling like you don’t want your boyfriends around me when I’ve never done anything wrong in the first place. Now, I already invited Jared to come over tonight, so you’re stuck. And you better show up, and you better not act like an ass. He’s your boyfriend, for God’s sake, and if I remember correctly, you actually wanted me to meet him and to like him. Live with it.” And with that, he snapped his phone shut and turned the ringer off. Fucking Chris.
***
That evening, Jensen was seasoning the steaks when the buzzer sounded through his apartment. He made his way to the intercom and hit the button. “Who is it?”
Jared’s voice came through the speaker, sounding tinny. “It’s me, man.”
Jensen hit the button to unlock the downstairs door and opened his own door for Jared to get in before returning to the kitchen to finish with the steaks. Minutes later, Jared was calling out to him from the hallway.
“Jensen, you back there?”
“Come on in, Jared,” Jensen yelled over his shoulder. “I’m in the kitchen.”
Jared emerged from the doorway a moment later carrying a case of Corona. “Where can I put this?”
Jensen gestured for him to put it over by the back door. “Help yourself to a cold one. You’re the first to arrive.”
Jared grabbed a beer from the fridge and closed it, leaning against the door. “So who all is coming tonight?”
Jensen turned a steak over and began rubbing pepper on it. “Well, it was supposed to be you and the band, but it seems that the other guys are flaking. So it’s just you, Chris, and Steve. Which is cool, ‘cause I don’t really know the other guys that well, you know?”
Jared didn’t say anything for a long moment. “Jensen?”
“Yeah?”
“Can I ask you a question?”
Jensen glanced over at Jared. He was looking nervous, which in turn made Jensen nervous. “What’s up?”
“When I talked to Chris today about coming tonight, he didn’t seem very happy. Did he say anything to you?”
Shit. “Like what?” he asked, trying to stall for time, searching for what he’d say.
Jared took a swig of his beer and wandered over to the wall where a print of Jackson Pollock’s Composition hung, staring at it as if he were trying to make sense of the wash of colors.
“It’s just,” Jared began, “he sounded really irritated about it. And he made a really bitchy comment about me going to the gallery.”
Jensen continued to season the steaks on auto-pilot, not really having any idea what to say. “Did you ask him what was up?”
“Yeah, and he just snorted and said he’d see me tonight. I can’t figure out if I did something wrong. And I mean, I know he’s your best friend and you and I don’t really know each other that well, but if he said something to you, maybe I can fix it, you know?”
Jensen sighed. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Jared. Chris is just... he’s weird sometimes. He’s moody and he can get bitchy and hard as hell to deal with. You probably just hit him at a bad time.”
Jared didn’t say anything, so Jensen turned to look at him. He was still staring at the painting, his brow furrowed, clearly deep in thought.
“Jared?”
He jerked his head towards Jensen, startled out of his thoughts. “Yeah, okay. I’m never sure how to deal with moody people, you know? I’m fairly even-tempered, if you couldn’t tell.”
Jensen swallowed a laugh. “Yeah, I kind of figured. You seem awfully, um, cheerful.”
Jared laughed, his worry seemingly gone. “Yeah, I pretty much am all the time. I mean, what’s the point of being pissy or negative? Shit happens, you just gotta get through it.”
God, this guy was almost so freaking perfect it was ridiculous. Jensen was torn between wanting to laugh outright at his naiveté and wanting to throw him against the wall and taking him.
“Well,” he said, turning back to the steaks, “that’s a good attitude to have.” He was about to ask Jared when he wanted to get together so Jensen could look at Jared’s work when the buzzer went off.
“Hey, could you get that? My hands are pretty nasty at this point.”
Jared nodded his assent and left the kitchen to get to the intercom. A few seconds later he returned with an unhappy look on his face. “It’s Chris. And he doesn’t sound too happy.”
Jensen rolled his eyes. Fuck that shit. He had better things to worry about than how Chris felt about things. When Jensen started fucking one of Chris’ boyfriends, then he could worry. Not that Jensen would ever do anything like that. Just then, Jared bent over to grab a few bottles of Corona from the case and gave Jensen an eyeful of his ass. Jensen swallowed. Well, it was highly unlikely-even if he did want Jared more than anything he’d ever encountered in his entire life, including the gallery. But he’d get over it. Yeah, just keep telling yourself that, Jen, he thought sarcastically. That’ll make it happen.
Chris strolled into the room, followed closely behind by Steve who was carrying a bottle of wine. Jensen smiled his welcome to Steve and said to Chris, “’Bout time you got here, asshole.”
Chris didn’t say anything, he just walked over to Jared, shoved him against the wall and fucking attacked his mouth. And, wow, Jensen now knew how it felt to be punched in the stomach, because that was exactly what this felt like. He forced himself to look away and the expression on Steve’s face caught his eye. Steve had been in love with Chris for years; everyone knew it, except of course, for Chris.
Steve looked away from the display, pain on his face, before meeting Jensen’s eyes. They shared a look between them, both miserable, both hiding it. Jensen sighed and cleared his throat. “Break it up, you too. I need to get the steaks on the grill and someone’s got to watch them, because I always burn shit.”
Chris broke the kiss and shot Jensen a triumphant look. “I’ll do it, Jenny. God knows you can’t work a grill to save your life. You should be ashamed to call yourself a Texan.”
Jensen walked out the back door to the little fire escape, mumbling, “Yeah, I don’t know how I don’t just die from the shame of it all.”
***
An hour and a half later, the steaks had been consumed, and they were sitting around Jensen’s living room, all of them pleasantly buzzed. Steve was strumming Jensen’s guitar quietly, and Jared looked like he was about to fall asleep, his head resting on the back of the brown leather couch. Chris’ head was in his lap, and he was telling stories about growing up in Texas. Jensen didn’t know why, since everyone there except Steve was from Texas, and God knows poor Steve had heard the same stories about a hundred times, but Chris just kept rambling on.
Finally, Jensen sighed. “Chris, for the love of God, we all know how hard it was to grow up gay in Texas, okay? We’re all gay! And we all grew up in Texas! Well, except for Steve, but still. He knows!”
Chris raised his head from Jared’s lap and fixed Jensen with a glare. “What the fuck is your problem, man?”
Jensen let his head fall back against his chair. Waving a hand at Chris he sighed. “Sorry. Keep going, I’m listening.”
Chris snorted. “Damn right you’re listening.” His head went back into Jared’s lap and he picked up right where he’d left off and Jensen closed his eyes. Hopefully no one would notice if he fell asleep.
***
Two fucking hours later, Chris was finally done talking and Jensen was able to usher his guests out the door. Jared was the last out, and on his way through the door he paused and smiled at Jensen. “I had a really great time tonight, Jen. Thanks for inviting me.”
Jensen cleared his throat. “No problem. You’re welcome anytime.”
With another sweet smile, his dimples winking out, Jared departed, running down the stairs to catch up with Chris. As Jensen was closing the door he saw Jared hook an arm around Chris’ neck and pull him close to whisper in his ear. The last thing Jensen saw was Chris laughing up at his boyfriend.
When the door was closed securely Jensen leaned against it. Maybe he should just move to California and live with Mike and Tom. He might go nuts, but it had to be better than this.
With a last sigh, Jensen went into the kitchen to clean up.
***
Jensen went into the gallery earlier than normal on Monday to accept a shipment, and he arrived about five a.m., his eyes barely open and still sleepy from a night spent tossing and turning and feeling guilty. His entire weekend had been like that, actually. The guilt he felt for liking his best friend’s boyfriend was overwhelming.
A knock on the back door startled him out of his reverie and rubbing his hands tiredly over his face, he made his way to accept the delivery.
By four o’clock, Jensen was starting to fade fast. His sleepless night had officially caught up with him, and he had no idea how he was going to manage to stay open until seven o’clock. He moved through the small rooms of the gallery on autopilot, and thanked God that it had been such a slow day. He’d only had two customers, and they’d both been browsing. Bad for business, but good for Jensen’s exhaustion.
He was seriously contemplating closing early when the bells hanging on the front door chimed. Jensen grimaced and forced himself to walk into the front room, plastering a friendly smile on his face. What he found was Jared, standing in front of the newest addition to the collection; the one that Jensen had obtained that morning. The relief he felt from realizing it wasn’t an actual customer was unfortunately outweighed by the tension he felt whenever he looked at Jared.
“Hey, man,” he said tiredly. He simply couldn’t work any amount of enthusiasm into his voice at this point, his energy level was too low.
Jared turned to look at him with his usual happy grin. “Hi!” His smile quickly turned into a frown, then something like concern when he got a good look at Jensen. “Jen, you okay, man? You look-bad.”
Jensen laughed a little. “Thanks, Jay,” he said, the nickname rolling off his tongue without thought. Then he blushed, inwardly cursing his tired brain for not filtering the stupid shit out. Jared didn’t seem to even noticed, though, too busy looking Jensen over with a worried expression on his face.
“I’m okay, Jared, I’m just ridiculously tired.”
Jared continued to frown at him. “You look it. Why don’t you take off?”
Jensen sighed. “I shouldn’t. I mean, I run a business. I can’t just close it when I have a whim, you know?”
“In all the time you’ve owned or just ran this place, have you ever closed early?”
Jensen thought back. “No.”
Jared smiled wryly. “Yeah, I didn’t think so. Come on, Jen, you look dead on your feet. Get out of here. I’ll even go with you to make sure you get home okay.”
Jensen hesitated for a while, then decided, fuck it, he might as well. It’s not like he was busy, anyway. He walked over to his desk and pulled his keys out of the top drawer. He checked to make certain the back door was locked then met Jared at the front door and they walked out together, Jensen locking up behind him.
“Jared, it’s really nice of you to offer, but you don’t have to see me home. I’m perfectly capable of getting there on my own.”
Jared snorted. “Dude, you look like you’re about to fall over. I’m not leaving you.”
“I’m telling you, I’m fine!” Unfortunately, Jensen’s feet chose that moment to trip over nothing and he stumbled. Jensen looked over at Jared, who wore an expression of, “I told you so” on his face.
“Fine,” Jensen sighed resignedly. “Let’s go.”
Jared bounded to Jensen’s side. “Do you wanna get a cab? It’s a ways to your apartment.”
“Yeah, let’s just hurry, okay? I need a bed right now.”
Jared patted Jensen on the back gently. “Hold on, man. We’ll get you there.” He walked over to the curb and whistled, and a cab miraculously sped to a stop in front of him. Opening the door, Jared gestured for Jensen to get in.
Later, Jensen wouldn’t really even remember the cab ride to his apartment, or Jared steering him up the stairs and unlocking the doors with Jensen’s keys. He fell onto the bed fully clothed and didn’t move until Jared walked in and softly prodded him.
“Jen, come on. Let’s at least get your shoes off, okay?”
Moaning a little, Jensen forced himself to sit up, looking at Jared through bleary eyes.
Jared smiled a little, reached down and began prying Jensen’s shoes off. “Man, how the hell did you manage to make it through the day in this condition?”
“Coffee,” Jensen slurred out.
“Ah. That explains it,” Jared said, voice low as he pulled off Jensen’s other shoe. “Can you stand up?”
Jensen moved automatically, not realizing until they were unbuttoned that Jared was attempting to remove Jensen’s pants. In the back of his mind, Jensen knew this was a really bad idea, but he couldn’t seem to work up the motivation to stop him. It was nice being taken care of, and the fact that it was Jared, the man who’d been on his mind for days only made it better.
So he let Jared pull his slacks down, and then he went to work on the buttons of his shirt. Minutes later, Jensen was clad only in a pair of boxers and his socks. Jared didn’t say anything, but even in his tired state, Jensen didn’t miss the gleam of appreciation in his eyes.
Then he smiled at Jensen and gently shoved him so that Jen fell back on the bed, landing softly. “Go to sleep, man,” Jared said. “I’ll lock your door.”
Eyes falling closed, Jensen tried to nod as sleep began to take over. The last thing he remembered was Jared pulling his comforter over him.
***
The next morning Jensen arrived at the gallery feeling refreshed and rested to find Jared sitting on the front stoop, a cup of Starbucks coffee in his hand as he gazed out on the busy street.
“Hey, man,” Jensen said as he approached, keys in hand, “What are you doing here?”
Jared stood and handed Jensen a cup of coffee he must have had resting next to him. “I wanted to see if you were feeling better.”
“God, yes,” Jensen replied with feeling. “Thank you so much for yesterday. I don’t think I would have managed without you.”
Jared’s smile was smug. “Told you you needed me.”
Jensen laughed at he unlocked the door and held it open for Jared, walking in behind him. “Yeah, yeah, you were right and I was wrong.”
“You’ll find that it’s easiest to just go along with me in the future, Jen, and save yourself the pain of having to admit that.”
Jensen cuffed him on the shoulder. “Shut up. And thanks for the coffee.”
“No problem.”
There was quiet for a moment as Jensen went through the gallery turning spotlights on over the paintings he wanted highlighted and readied the place to open. While Jensen was working, Jared was staring at one of the photographs that’d captivated him the previous week.
Jensen flicked the small sign on the door to “open” and walked over to where Jared was standing. “You really like that one, huh?”
Jared smiled a little, his eyes never leaving the picture. “I just love the way the light hangs over the trees, you know? And I keep trying to figure out what kind of filter they used and the exposure. I want to be able to create something like this someday.”
He finally turned away from it and looked at Jensen. This time his smile was shy when he said, “I brought my portfolio for you to look at, if you’re still interested.”
“I’m definitely still interested! You want to come over to my desk and we can go through it?”
Jared turned bright read. “No way, man. I thought I’d just leave it here for you to look at.”
Jensen looked at him. “Wuss.”
Jared laughed and headed for the door after handing over the leather case. “Damn right. Besides, I’ve got an appointment. I’ll call you, okay?”
Jensen was already heading over to the desk with the portfolio, eager to see Jared’s work. “Yep. Talk to you later.”
Jared was through the door and gone before Jensen managed to even crack the book, leaving Jensen alone.
Sitting down at his desk, Jensen opened the leather case. The first photograph was a black and white, a stark-looking picture of a seagull alone on a beach, pecking at a piece of abandoned garbage.
As Jensen went through the portfolio slowly, he found most of the photos followed a similar theme, the interference of people on the animal world. It was a surprisingly cynical viewpoint from such an optimistic guy. But then, Jensen thought, if Jared were out there, spending time with the actual wildlife, he was seeing the world in all its shitty glory. It made sense that his pictures would represent a gritty reality, not an airbrushed version of it.
Jensen was pleasantly surprised at how great Jared’s stuff was, actually. Before he’d made it through the entire book he was already planning a show. He could feel the excitement building inside himself. It was rare that he found someone this talented who hadn’t been discovered already.
Whistling, he picked up the phone and dialed Jared’s number. When it went straight to voicemail, Jensen frowned in frustration and waited for the beep to leave a message. “Jared, it’s Jen. Call me as soon as you get this, man. I need to talk to you about your photos.”
He hung up the phone and started thinking. This was actually not a good thing for Jensen’s personal life. The more time he spent with Jared, the more time he wanted to spend with Jared. And the thing he could never, ever forget was that Jared was off limits. But God, it was hard as hell to remember that when Jared was grinning at him. Jensen wanted to wrap himself around him and just never let him go.
It was starting to freak him out a little, actually. He’d never fallen this hard for someone so fast. Jensen needed to get over it. Fast.
He made a decision and picked up the phone. “Chris? Hey, man. You wanna go out tonight? We haven’t been clubbing in a while.”
Five minutes later they had plans to meet at Chris’ bar then head out to the clubs. Jensen felt better already.
***
That night while Jensen was getting dressed, his phone rang. Glancing at the caller I.D., he noted Jared’s name and thought, finally.
“It’s about damn time you called me back,” he answered without even saying hello. “I looked through your portfolio, and damn, man.”
Jared’s voice was nervous. “Good damn or bad?”
Jensen snorted. “Good! God, Jared. Do you have any idea how great your stuff is?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “Obviously not. Look, I want to put a show together.”
“A show?” Jared squeaked out, clearly shocked.
“Look, I’m in a hurry right now, but Jared, this is going to be awesome, okay? We’ll talk about it later.”
Jared was breathing kind of fast, Jensen could almost hear him panicking. Sighing, he sat down on his bed and squinted at the clock, checking the time. Well, he had time to calm a scared artist down-it certainly wasn’t his first time.
“Jared,” he soothed, “it’s going to be fine. I wouldn’t lie to you, okay?”
“Yeah, but Jen. I’m not ready for this. I mean, no. No way. People are going to think my stuff is stupid.”
“Jared. Come on. You think I would ever let you put your stuff out there in my gallery if I thought it wasn’t good enough? No,” he answered his own question. “That would never happen. Now, calm down. I promise you, this is going to rock. Now, I’m sorry, but I gotta go.”
Jared’s breath hitched, and Jensen felt a pang of guilt. There was nothing more that he wanted than to comfort Jared and try to make him understand that this was a good thing, but in the back of his mind, he knew that it wasn’t his job. It was Chris’ job. He had to remember that.
“I’ll call you later this week, okay?”
Jared made a noise of assent, clearly still overcome, and Jensen hung up, feeling terrible. He stared at himself in the mirror. Clubbing, he thought. Woo. He sighed, and finished getting ready.
***
Jensen met Chris in front of his bar, laughing as he walked up to his friend. “Dude. What the hell are you wearing? You realize we’re not in Texas anymore, right?”
Chris looked offended. “Hey, just ‘cause I’m not home doesn’t mean I should dress any different. ‘Sides, it’s not as if I’m trying to pick up anyone, so who cares if I’ve got my hat and boots on.”
Jensen rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Let’s go.”
“Can’t yet.” Chris grinned. “Gotta wait for my boy.”
Jensen’s stomach sank. “Jared’s coming?”
“What, you think I’d go out and watch you try to get your dick sucked by eighteen-year-olds by myself? No way, man. I need company.”
“Fuck you.”
Chris just laughed, looking down the street, his eyes searching the crowds for Jared. “There he is. Oh, shit.”
Mildly interested, Jensen looked in the direction Chris was staring. “What?”
“Jared brought that idiot friend of his. Chaz or Chase or something. Guy’s a moron.”
At that point, Jared was almost on them, looking fine as hell in a pair of low riding jeans and a white t-shirt. He had a blonde kid with him, who wasn’t bad-looking at all, but seemed a little squinty.
“Hey, guys,” Jared said breathlessly. “Sorry it took so long to get here. Chad had to stop for-stuff.”
Judging by the glint in Jared’s eyes, Jensen had a feeling he knew exactly what they’d stopped for. Jared was clearly high as a kite. He switched his gaze to the other guy-Chad, who was watching Jensen with an expression that made him vaguely uncomfortable. Kind of like he wanted to attack Jensen or something. It was disconcerting.
Chris grabbed the front of Jared’s shirt and pulled him down, biting on Jared’s lips. “Looks like you started the party without us, boy,” he said loudly enough for Jensen to hear.
Jared giggled and plastered himself against Chris. “We gonna go?”
Chad still hadn’t said anything, but while Jensen had been observing Chris and Jared, he seemed to have moved closer to Jensen without him having noticed. God, this was going to be a long night.
***
Two hours later, Jensen found his assessment to be dead on. It wouldn’t have been so bad, maybe, if Jared wasn’t so fucked up, or if his friend Chad hadn’t decided to more or less stalk Jensen, or if Chris hadn’t figured that since Jared was high, he may as well be too. All of those things combined made for one big pain in the ass evening.
Jared was out on the dance floor, right in the middle, his legs and arms swinging wildly. One thing Jen learned that night was that Jared? Was not a good dancer. He made an admirable effort, but he was just too uncoordinated for it. That didn’t stop him from trying, though, which Jensen would have normally appreciated, but at this point, he just wanted Jared to go sit down. Because Jared, when high, was all over the fucking place. He danced with random guys who were totally getting the wrong idea, and Jensen inevitably had to intervene when he’d see the guys get handsy. The whole time this was going on, Chad was at his back, watching him like he was a predator, and Chris was sitting at a table against the wall, stoned out of his mind and singing to himself.
It was chaos and all Jensen wanted to do was go home. Finally, Jared went to the bathroom and Jensen had a break from babysitting him. He scanned the room, looking for someone he might actually want to dance with when a voice spoke in his ear. “Want me to suck your dick?”
Jensen turned, a little horrified, and saw Chad staring at him with a crazed look in his eye. “Uh, no,” he replied. “I don’t even know you.”
Chad’s eyes gleamed. “Who the fuck cares, man? You don’t need to know me to have me suck your dick.” He leaned closer. “I have a mouth like a Hoover, man. Trust me, you won’t be sorry.”
And for a moment, Jensen actually considered it. Hell, he was horny, and it’d been so fucking long since he’d had any kind of action. It wasn’t like he hadn’t had a blow job from a stranger before. Hell, back in his early twenties he’d done way more than trade blow jobs with strangers. What difference did it make?
But then he saw Jared stumble out of the bathroom, looking shaky and not so good and he knew he couldn’t do it. Those days were over, and no matter how he tried, he couldn’t go back. “No, thanks,” he repeated. He walked away, over to where Jared was leaning against the wall.
“You okay, man?”
Jared took a deep breath. “Been better. I don’t know what the fuck Chad gave me, but coming off it isn’t so great.”
Jensen felt a surge of irritation towards Jared. “Why in the hell would you take something you when you had no clue what it was?”
“I trust Chad, Jen,” he said quietly. “I know he seems like a jerk tonight, but he’d never hurt me. He’s a good guy.”
Jensen rolled his eyes but put his hand on Jared’s arm gently. “You want to get out of here?”
Jared cracked an eye to look at Jensen. “Yeah, can we?”
Nodding, Jensen glanced over to where Chris was currently waving his hand in the air and staring at it in wonder. “Yeah,” he said, not looking away from Chris. “It’s definitely time to go.”
***
It wasn’t the easiest thing in the world to get two trashed guys and one slightly ill man home without incident, but Jensen managed. They dropped Chad off first, since he only lived a few blocks away from the club. Jensen had a feeling that was on purpose; Chad struck him as the type of guy who trolled the clubs nightly in search of new victims. Chris was next, and Jensen was surprised when Jared didn’t follow, but he didn’t say anything.
The cab was quiet as they made their way to Jared’s place, which wasn’t too terribly far from Jensen’s, it turned out. Finally, when they were about a block away, Jared spoke. “I’m sorry I was such an idiot tonight.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Jensen said awkwardly. “And don’t worry about the show, either, Jared. If you’re really that uncomfortable with the idea, you don’t have to do it.”
Jared turned to look toward Jensen, his head resting on the back of the seat. “No, I do want to, I just-don’t know that I’m good enough, you know? And I mean, I know you think I am, but God. I’m scared.”
Without thinking about what he was doing, Jensen moved closer to Jared and put his hand on Jared’s. “Look, I get it. I know you’re terrified, dude-everyone is before their first show. Actually, half the time they’re terrified over every show. It’s normal, Jared.”
Jared gazed at him, his eyes glassy. “You’re really great, Jensen, you know that?”
Jensen chuckled a little, embarrassed. “No, I’m not. I’m just good at spotting talent and not wanting to let it go.”
Jared smiled slightly and looked down. Jensen followed his gaze and blushed when he saw their joined hands. As he watched, Jared’s thumb began to stroke over Jensen’s knuckles, sending tingles straight up his arm.
I should pull away, he thought, but made no move to do so. He raised his eyes and looked at Jared, who was watching him with an unreadable look on his face.
“Jared…” he trailed off, unsure of what to say. His eyes strayed to Jared’s lips, and as he watched, Jared licked his lips. Oh, God.
“This is a bad idea,” he stated, still staring at Jared’s mouth.
“Yeah,” Jared breathed, and Jensen watched as his mouth formed the words.
“We should stop,” Jensen said desperately, a last ditch effort for sanity as he watched Jared nod. A second later, he reached across and grabbed the back of Jensen’s neck.
“I don’t want to stop,” Jared whispered against Jensen’s mouth. And then they were kissing.
Later, Jensen would tell himself it hadn’t been all that great. He’d insist that fireworks didn’t actually explode in his body, that he only imagined the sparks coming off Jared’s body and igniting his own. But right then, right at that moment, there was no question that they were real.
Jared’s tongue slid into Jensen’s mouth, wet and slick and God, he tasted ridiculously good, like beer and Texas and just fucking Jared, and it was intoxicating. He moaned and slid his hands into Jared’s hair, angling him so he could go deeper and working his tongue into Jared’s mouth bit by bit.
It felt like they were there forever, and Jensen was lost in him, lost to the sensation. Jensen’s hands were buried in Jared’s hair, and Jared was working his hands under Jensen’s shirt to reach bare skin when suddenly the cab driver barked, “Hey!” and startled them apart. “I’ve been sitting here for five minutes. You gettin’ out or not?”
Jensen and Jared stared at each other in shock for a long moment before Jared finally tore his gaze away and looked at the cab driver. “S-Sorry,” he stammered out, throwing money over the seat at the driver. With a last freaked-out glance at Jen, he opened the door and got out, leaving Jen alone with the driver.
Jensen watched to make sure Jared made it in his building safely, then tersely gave his address to the driver. His head fell back against the seat and he closed his eyes.
He licked his lips, tasting Jared, and cursed himself. How the hell was he ever going to get out of this?
***
Part Two
Author: Erin
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 18,000~
Pairing/Characters: Jared/Chris, Jared/Jensen
Summary: Sometimes you meet the one person you’re supposed to be with at the worst time.
Disclaimer: I cry myself to sleep every night with the knowledge that I don’t own them.
Notes at the end.
Jensen walked into the crowded bar, pushing his way through the throng of people, trying to make his way to the bar to grab a beer. The noise in the place was just shy of deafening; between the bass pounding out of the speakers and the constant stream of chatter from the patrons, he could barely hear himself think. At the bar he gestured to the bartender, a man named Derek who knew Jensen well enough not to have to ask what kind of beer he wanted. A few minutes later, Jensen was leaning back against the bar, surveying the room. The turnout was great for Chris, as new bar owner and Jensen’s best friend. Didn’t hurt that Kane, Chris’ band, was set to take the stage a little later, too.
Jensen glanced at his watch to check the time, idly wondering how long it’d be until the band took stage. Raising his eyes back up, he caught a flash of dimples out of the corner of his eye and he automatically turned his head to see. Standing at the end of the bar, towering over pretty much everyone else, was the most attractive man Jensen had ever seen. He had shaggy brown hair that looked soft to the touch and dimples so deep, Jensen wanted to measure their indent. He couldn’t make out the man’s eye color from this distance, but since Jensen’s new goal was to get as close as he could in as little time as possible, he didn’t foresee a problem finding out. Taking a deep breath and tamping down his natural shyness, Jensen began wending his way down the bar. It seemed to take forever, but eventually he arrived at the mystery man’s side. Now, of course, came the hard part. He swallowed, his nervousness making itself known by tying his stomach into knots. Damn it, why couldn’t this come easier to him? He was thirty years old, for God’s sake! He should be over his crippling shyness by now.
He wracked his brain, attempting to come up with something to say that wouldn’t sound like a line when a voice spoke close to his ear.
“Hey!”
Jensen glanced up, prepared to give the brush off to whoever was attempting to talk to him when he was so clearly busy with the important task of securing his future when his eyes met those of the man who had spoken. It was the man who Jensen had decided he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Or at the very least, the night.
“Um, hi,” he stammered out, unable to believe his luck. Things like this never happened to Jensen; he almost always had to make the first move-something that had, and never would, come easy to him. Chris said it was because people were intimidated by Jensen’s looks, which Jen thought was a ridiculous theory. He was just a normal-looking guy; for all that Chris said he wasn’t. Chris was his best friend; he was supposed to say stuff like that.
Jensen realized the guy must have said something while he’d been lost in thought, because he was being watched expectantly. Jensen flushed and smiled apologetically. “I’m sorry, what did you say?”
The man just laughed. “It’s loud as hell in here. I asked if you’re here to see the band.”
Jensen smiled again, this time trying to project ‘I’m available and interested.’ “Yeah, sort of. I mean, I’m here a lot. I know the owner.”
The guy’s eyes lit up. “Oh, yeah? Me, too! I’m Jared, by the way.” He stuck his hand out to shake Jensen’s. By that point, Jensen’s mind was working furiously, and seconds later, everything clicked into place.
“You’re Jared,” he said numbly, staring blankly at the proffered hand still stretched out in front of him. “Chris’ Jared.”
Jared was looking at him, puzzlement etched on his face. “Yeah,” he answered cautiously, withdrawing his hand. “And you are?”
“Jensen.” He felt nauseated as he remembered Chris’ phone call a week ago, Chris’ voice as he’d talked about how great the guy he was seeing was, and how he couldn’t wait for Jensen to meet him because he knew they’d hit it off right away. Jensen forced down a mirthless laugh. Yeah, they’d hit it off all right. Or at least, Jensen felt like he’d been hit.
“Oh, hey!” Jared exclaimed, his face transforming from confusion to happiness in the blink of an eye. “Jensen! Chris talks about you all the time, man! I was starting to worry he’d made you up, though. It’s about time we met."
“Sorry,” Jensen answered, his eyes trained on a spot above Jared’s left shoulder. He forced himself to meet Jared’s gaze and pasted a smile on. “I’ve been really busy.”
Jared slapped Jensen on the shoulder. “Hey, no worries, man,” he said good naturedly. “I knew we’d meet sooner or later.”
Jensen was saved from having to answer when the lights dimmed suddenly, signaling that it was time for the band to come out. Jared’s eyes immediately went to the stage, and as Jensen watched, Jared actually bounced on his toes in anticipation. Jensen sighed and motioned to the bartender for another beer. It was going to be a long night; and getting rip-roaring drunk seemed like a pretty good plan.
An hour later, the band was finishing their set, and Jensen was finishing his fifth beer. He was feeling pleasantly buzzed, but instead of actually feeling pleasant, he was mostly feeling depressed. And sorry for himself. Kane finished their song and the room erupted in applause. Jensen clapped half-heartedly while next to him Jared cheered wildly. Jensen snorted to himself. It wasn’t like they were in Madison Square Garden. Jared could tone it down a little.
“Man,” Jared enthused, “they’re really great!”
“Yeah, they’re okay,” Jensen answered tiredly, his eyes searching the room for someone, anyone, he knew so he could get away from Jared. ‘Cause this was torture, and he just didn’t want to deal with it anymore. He felt Jared’s gaze, turned to meet it. Jared was boring holes into him, clearly irritated. Jensen had no choice but to turn away again, determined to ignore Jared’s intense stare.
“They’re okay?” Jared drawled, emphasizing the word ‘okay.’ “Dude, Chris is your best friend, and all you can manage to say is ‘They’re okay.” He even used finger quotes around the words.
Jensen rolled his eyes. “Thanks for reminding me who my best friend is, Jared. I’d forgotten.” He took a swig of beer and wished the evening would just fucking end.
Jared was still staring at him. After a moment, he said, “You’re kind of a dick.”
Stung, Jensen turned to face him and prepared to tear into him, but as soon as he opened his mouth, he shut it again. Jared was right; Jensen was acting like a dick. He was jealous of Chris and miserable because of it and feeling sorry for himself. And now Jared thought he was an ass.
He scrubbed his hands over his face and sighed. There really wasn’t much more to do than apologize. “You’re right; I’m acting like a total douche. I don’t know what’s wrong with me tonight. I’m sorry.”
Jared continued to frown, then he smiled. “It’s cool, man. We all get that way sometimes, right?”
Jensen was about to offer to buy Jared’s next beer when an arm snaked around Jensen’s mid-section and he was lifted off his feet.
“Jenny!” a voice bellowed right in his ear. “You made it! And you met my boy!”
“Put me down, Chris, you idiot!” Jensen shouted. Chris laughed, but placed Jensen back on his feet, walking around to Jared.
“Hey, darlin’,” Chris drawled to Jared. “Give me some sugar.” Jared looked exasperated at the words, but didn’t hesitate to lean down and capture Chris’ lips with his own. Jensen watched until the churning in his stomach forced him to look away from all the nauseatingly happy. How the hell did this happen? He didn’t even know Jared, so why did it matter that he couldn’t be his? He bit his bottom lip absentmindedly, trying to work through the problem in his mind, trying to figure a way out of feeling like this.
Jensen was a fairly level-headed guy, as far as his love life went. He never fell for people right off the bat, and he certainly never got worked up over someone he couldn’t have. He’d always figured that if it didn’t work out with one person, it was no big deal, there were more than enough men out there. But this felt different. This felt real.
“Uh-oh.” Chris’ voice broke into his reverie and he turned to face his friend, cocking a questioning brow. “You got trouble on your mind, boy,” he said. “I know that look.”
Jensen forced a smile. “Just work stuff,” he lied.
“What do you do?” Jared asked curiously.
“Jenny owns an art gallery,” Chris answered for Jensen.
Jared’s eyes positively lit up. “Seriously?”
Jensen nodded warily, a little taken aback by Jared’s enthusiasm. “Yeah,” he answered slowly. “The Lark, over on Clark Street.”
“Dude, that’s awesome!” Jared exclaimed. He slapped Chris on the shoulder. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me?” Chris shrugged, looking uncomfortable and staying silent.
“It’s not that big a deal or anything, Jared,” Jensen said, wanting to draw Jared’s attention away from Chris. “It’s just a small gallery, nothing to write home about.”
Jared scoffed. “To me it’s a big deal! My dream is to own a gallery to show my stuff.”
Jensen looked at Jared, his curiosity piqued. “You’re an artist?”
“Photographer, actually,” came the answer. “Wildlife, mostly.” Jared smiled sheepishly. “Well, I want to do wildlife photography, but these days I’ll take what I can get.”
Jensen was about to ask what Jared was currently working on when Chris cleared his throat, drawing their attention back to him. “Well, boys, I hate to break up this party, but I gotta get back to the band.” Chris said the words lazily, but there was a glint in his eye that said he wasn’t altogether happy with the way Jensen and Jared were getting on.
Jensen gave an inward sigh and plastered a smiled on his face. “Sure, man. Listen, I’m gonna have to take off soon, so I won’t be around after the show. Got to open the gallery early and all that.”
Chris rolled his eyes affectionately. “All work and no play makes Jenny a dull boy.”
Jensen shoved Chris’ shoulder. “Don’t call me that,” he retorted good-naturedly. “I’ll call you later, you idiot.” Chris laughed and reached up to kiss Jared’s check before leaving for the stage. Jared beamed after him, and Jensen suppressed the urge to roll his eyes.
“I’m gonna go,” he shouted to Jared over the din stirring up around them and watched as Jared’s face fell a little.
“Shoot. I was hoping to talk to you more about your gallery.”
Jensen hesitated for a beat, then, “Come by the gallery sometime, if you want. We can talk then.”
Jared grinned. “Okay, that sounds great!”
Jensen stuck his hand out toward Jared. “It was good meeting you, man.”
Jared clasped Jensen’s hand in his own. “You, too! I’m glad I finally got to meet the man behind the name.”
Jared said something else, but Jensen missed it, too busy concentrating on the warmth of Jared’s hand in his own, on the way it seemed to swallow Jensen’s hand. Tingles were starting to spread where they were connected, and Jensen had to force himself to remove his hand from Jared’s grasp.
Clearing his throat, Jensen nodded in response to whatever Jared had said. “I’ll see you around, okay?” Jared waved him off, his attention going to the stage where Chris had just appeared again. Jensen sighed to himself and made his way to the door.
Once he was outside, he took a deep breath and savored the cool night air on his face. Closing his eyes, he allowed himself to lean against the side of the building for a moment, resting quietly against the brick. Well, he thought to himself, you’ll get over it. He opened his eyes, pushed away from the wall, and went to the curb to flag down a cab.
***
The next morning, Jensen was standing in front of the newest addition to the gallery, debating whether or not it should be placed elsewhere when the jingle of bells signaled the entrance of a gallery patron. He turned around, a friendly smile on his face, only to find Jared standing in front of him holding a brown paper bag full of something and wearing a grin so wide, his dimples looked massive.
“J-Jared,” he stammered out, taken by surprise. “What are you doing here?”
Jared’s grin faltered, his eyes clouding with confusion. “I said I’d be coming by today, don’t you remember? Last night.”
Jensen thought back quickly and realized that was probably what Jared had said when Jensen had been busy counting the tingles running up his arm as they shook hands. He forced a smile. “Sorry, man. I just forgot for a second there. I’m a little tired today.”
Jared laughed, his grin back in place as though it had never left. “No problem. I know how that is.”
“So,” Jensen asked, attempting to sound jovial, “what’s in the bag?
“Lunch,” Jared answered enthusiastically. “I stopped at a deli and picked it up.” He got a worried look on his face. “You don’t mind, do you?”
Jensen’s stomach chose that moment to rumble audibly, and he blushed. “Obviously not,” he said wryly.
Jared laughed. “Where can we eat?”
Jensen motioned led him to the station where he worked during the hours the gallery was open.
“I didn’t know what you like, so I got a couple of different things.” Jared began unpacking the contents, listing the choices as he did so. “Ham and Swiss on rye, chicken salad on a croissant, corned beef on Kaiser, and tuna salad on white. Any of those sound good?”
Jensen stared at the array of choices in front of him and cleared his throat. “Wow. Um, ham and Swiss?”
Jared grinned. “Great!” He handed over one of the packaged sandwiches and pulled out one more container from the bag. “I got potato salad, too. The deli I stopped at makes the best potato salad, and I couldn’t resist. I don’t have plates, though, so we’re going to have to eat it right out of the container.” He produced two plastic forks with a flourish and Jensen had to smile. Jared looked so pleased with himself; it was kind of charming.
They sat down behind the counter space and dove into the food, not saying much as they were busy filling their stomachs. When Jensen tasted the potato salad, he couldn’t help but moan. “Dude, you were right, this is awesome.” Jared grinned and helped himself to a forkful.
When they were both finished, they sat back in their seats and relaxed. “Thanks for lunch, Jared.”
“No problem.” Jared was quiet for a moment; it was a comfortable silence, surprisingly, since they’d only known each other for such a short time. Then, “How long have you had this place?”
Jensen squinted, thinking back. “Well, I started working here right out of college, when I was twenty-three. The owner then, a guy named Mike, took a chance on me and hired me even though the ink on my degree was still wet. And then, about two years ago, Mike got married to this flaky guy named Tom and they moved to L.A. so Tom could pursue an acting career and sold the place to me.”
“Awesome,” Jared said, enthusiastic as ever.
Jensen sighed a little. “Yeah, it is. But, and I don’t want to sound ungrateful or anything, because I love this place, but sometimes I miss just working here, you know? I had the best of everything. I was doing what I love, being surrounded by art and discovering artists, but I didn’t have the responsibility that comes with owning a business. It’s pretty stressful at times.”
“I bet.”
After a beat, Jensen stood up. “Enough of this maudlin crap. Did you bring any of your photographs with you?”
Jared stood as well and blushed. “No. I didn’t know if you’d want to look at them or not. And I didn’t want you to think I was only here to try and get you to show my stuff. I don’t want you to feel like you owe me anything because I’m sleeping with your best friend.”
Jensen ignored the pang that his heart gave at the words ‘sleeping with your best friend’ and laughed. “Seriously, Jared, I don’t feel that way. If you suck, your stuff isn’t going on my walls-no matter who you’re sleeping with.”
Jared grinned. “Fair enough. I’ll bring them by soon, then.”
“Sounds great. Hey, listen. I’m having a barbeque next Friday, you coming?”
Jared furrowed his brow a little. “Chris hasn’t mentioned it.”
Damn it, Chris.
Jensen laughed and said, “Well, he probably just forgot. You should definitely come, though. The guys from the band are all going to be there, and we’ll probably just chill. Honestly, I shouldn’t even call it a barbeque, ‘cause it’s not like I have a balcony where we can all sit around and shoot the shit, but it’s a habit.”
Jared grinned. “It’s the Texas in you coming out.”
Jensen squinted up at him. “Chris said you’re from Texas, too, didn’t he? Or am I remembering something else?”
Jared drawled, “Nah, I’m from Texas, too. Can’t you tell?” Then he laughed. “I’ve lost most of my accent these days. It really only comes out when I’m drunk or tired. Anyway, I’ll definitely be there on Friday.”
“Great. Now, if you want, I’ll show you around.”
They spent the next hour going through the small gallery, Jensen pointing out his favorite pieces and Jared talking nonstop about the few photographs that Jensen had displayed. “I love the filter they used on this one,” he rambled on, “It’s made it so moody.” Jensen just nodded along. He didn’t know too much about photography, his degree was in Art Appreciation, and he’d only taken the required photography classes because he’d had to.
Jared glanced over at Jensen and blushed. “I’m talking your ear off, aren’t I? I do that a lot.”
Jensen looked at him for a long moment. He couldn’t help but think he’d be okay with Jared talking his ear off forever. A horribly girly thought, but hell, Jensen was falling and he couldn’t seem to stop himself, no matter how bad an idea it was. Finally, he spoke. “You’re okay. It’s fun to see someone talk about something they love as much as you love photography.”
They looked at each other for a while. Jensen felt like time was suspended and he was caught in it. He couldn’t move, couldn’t break eye contact, he just had to stand there and look Jared right in the eye. It was horrible and wonderful at the same time. He didn’t know what to do with this, didn’t know a way out.
Jared finally broke the gaze and looked down at the floor, blushing lightly again. “I better go. It’s getting late.”
Jensen glanced at the silver clock high on the back wall. A couple of hours had passed since Jared had walked in, but Jensen hadn’t even realized it. The time had flown by.
“All right, man. I’ll see you Friday, right?”
Jared nodded without looking at him and started for the door. “Thanks for letting me barge in on you, Jensen. I had fun today.”
Jensen walked to the door to show Jared out. “I’m happy you came by, Jared. You’re welcome anytime.”
Jared smiled shyly at Jensen and walked out the door. Jensen let the door close and walked slowly towards his desk, collapsing in his seat. Well, this was one screwed up situation. And he had a feeling it wasn’t going to get better anytime soon.
***
Friday dawned and Jensen went by the market to pick up the food for that evening’s festivities. His cart overflowing with meat and beer, he was making his way to the checkout when his phone rang. Glancing at the display, he grimaced when he saw Chris’ name lit up. He’d been sort of avoiding talking to his best friend since he’d met Jared. Maybe Chris didn’t know how Jensen was falling for his boyfriend, but Jensen did, and it made things a bit awkward on his end.
“Jenny! We still on for tonight?”
“Yep,” Jensen answered as he steered his cart into place in line behind a tired looking woman and her toddler.
“Hey,” he said suddenly to Chris, “Why didn’t you tell Jared about tonight?”
There was a moment of silence, then, “How did you know I didn’t tell him?”
Jensen rolled his eyes. Here they went. “He came by the gallery the other day. He didn’t tell you?”
“We haven’t had much time to talk,” Chris replied flatly. “Why is he coming by the gallery, Jensen?”
Jensen was immediately annoyed. This was how Chris got whenever he really liked someone; suspicious and possessive. It pissed Jen off, even if he could see the irony of being angry in this particular situation.
“Because he wanted to, Chris,” Jensen snapped. “Don’t do this again, man.”
“Do what, Jensen?” Chris snapped back. “Wait for my boyfriend to leave me for you?”
“Jesus Christ,” Jensen mumbled. “That has never happened, Chris! Why the hell are you always so worried it will?”
“Have you ever even noticed how many people check you out, Jensen? For God’s sake, walking into a club with you, I may as well not even be there! And you know, most people consider me to be good-looking, but when I’m with you it’s like I’m not even fucking there!” Chris practically yelled the words in Jensen’s ear.
“That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard, Chris!” Jensen’s voice was louder than he intended, causing the woman in line in front of him to give him a dirty look. He smiled apologetically and lowered his voice. “Look, I don’t know why you think that, or where you even got the damn idea in the first place, but you need to get over it. I’m pretty sick of feeling like you don’t want your boyfriends around me when I’ve never done anything wrong in the first place. Now, I already invited Jared to come over tonight, so you’re stuck. And you better show up, and you better not act like an ass. He’s your boyfriend, for God’s sake, and if I remember correctly, you actually wanted me to meet him and to like him. Live with it.” And with that, he snapped his phone shut and turned the ringer off. Fucking Chris.
***
That evening, Jensen was seasoning the steaks when the buzzer sounded through his apartment. He made his way to the intercom and hit the button. “Who is it?”
Jared’s voice came through the speaker, sounding tinny. “It’s me, man.”
Jensen hit the button to unlock the downstairs door and opened his own door for Jared to get in before returning to the kitchen to finish with the steaks. Minutes later, Jared was calling out to him from the hallway.
“Jensen, you back there?”
“Come on in, Jared,” Jensen yelled over his shoulder. “I’m in the kitchen.”
Jared emerged from the doorway a moment later carrying a case of Corona. “Where can I put this?”
Jensen gestured for him to put it over by the back door. “Help yourself to a cold one. You’re the first to arrive.”
Jared grabbed a beer from the fridge and closed it, leaning against the door. “So who all is coming tonight?”
Jensen turned a steak over and began rubbing pepper on it. “Well, it was supposed to be you and the band, but it seems that the other guys are flaking. So it’s just you, Chris, and Steve. Which is cool, ‘cause I don’t really know the other guys that well, you know?”
Jared didn’t say anything for a long moment. “Jensen?”
“Yeah?”
“Can I ask you a question?”
Jensen glanced over at Jared. He was looking nervous, which in turn made Jensen nervous. “What’s up?”
“When I talked to Chris today about coming tonight, he didn’t seem very happy. Did he say anything to you?”
Shit. “Like what?” he asked, trying to stall for time, searching for what he’d say.
Jared took a swig of his beer and wandered over to the wall where a print of Jackson Pollock’s Composition hung, staring at it as if he were trying to make sense of the wash of colors.
“It’s just,” Jared began, “he sounded really irritated about it. And he made a really bitchy comment about me going to the gallery.”
Jensen continued to season the steaks on auto-pilot, not really having any idea what to say. “Did you ask him what was up?”
“Yeah, and he just snorted and said he’d see me tonight. I can’t figure out if I did something wrong. And I mean, I know he’s your best friend and you and I don’t really know each other that well, but if he said something to you, maybe I can fix it, you know?”
Jensen sighed. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Jared. Chris is just... he’s weird sometimes. He’s moody and he can get bitchy and hard as hell to deal with. You probably just hit him at a bad time.”
Jared didn’t say anything, so Jensen turned to look at him. He was still staring at the painting, his brow furrowed, clearly deep in thought.
“Jared?”
He jerked his head towards Jensen, startled out of his thoughts. “Yeah, okay. I’m never sure how to deal with moody people, you know? I’m fairly even-tempered, if you couldn’t tell.”
Jensen swallowed a laugh. “Yeah, I kind of figured. You seem awfully, um, cheerful.”
Jared laughed, his worry seemingly gone. “Yeah, I pretty much am all the time. I mean, what’s the point of being pissy or negative? Shit happens, you just gotta get through it.”
God, this guy was almost so freaking perfect it was ridiculous. Jensen was torn between wanting to laugh outright at his naiveté and wanting to throw him against the wall and taking him.
“Well,” he said, turning back to the steaks, “that’s a good attitude to have.” He was about to ask Jared when he wanted to get together so Jensen could look at Jared’s work when the buzzer went off.
“Hey, could you get that? My hands are pretty nasty at this point.”
Jared nodded his assent and left the kitchen to get to the intercom. A few seconds later he returned with an unhappy look on his face. “It’s Chris. And he doesn’t sound too happy.”
Jensen rolled his eyes. Fuck that shit. He had better things to worry about than how Chris felt about things. When Jensen started fucking one of Chris’ boyfriends, then he could worry. Not that Jensen would ever do anything like that. Just then, Jared bent over to grab a few bottles of Corona from the case and gave Jensen an eyeful of his ass. Jensen swallowed. Well, it was highly unlikely-even if he did want Jared more than anything he’d ever encountered in his entire life, including the gallery. But he’d get over it. Yeah, just keep telling yourself that, Jen, he thought sarcastically. That’ll make it happen.
Chris strolled into the room, followed closely behind by Steve who was carrying a bottle of wine. Jensen smiled his welcome to Steve and said to Chris, “’Bout time you got here, asshole.”
Chris didn’t say anything, he just walked over to Jared, shoved him against the wall and fucking attacked his mouth. And, wow, Jensen now knew how it felt to be punched in the stomach, because that was exactly what this felt like. He forced himself to look away and the expression on Steve’s face caught his eye. Steve had been in love with Chris for years; everyone knew it, except of course, for Chris.
Steve looked away from the display, pain on his face, before meeting Jensen’s eyes. They shared a look between them, both miserable, both hiding it. Jensen sighed and cleared his throat. “Break it up, you too. I need to get the steaks on the grill and someone’s got to watch them, because I always burn shit.”
Chris broke the kiss and shot Jensen a triumphant look. “I’ll do it, Jenny. God knows you can’t work a grill to save your life. You should be ashamed to call yourself a Texan.”
Jensen walked out the back door to the little fire escape, mumbling, “Yeah, I don’t know how I don’t just die from the shame of it all.”
***
An hour and a half later, the steaks had been consumed, and they were sitting around Jensen’s living room, all of them pleasantly buzzed. Steve was strumming Jensen’s guitar quietly, and Jared looked like he was about to fall asleep, his head resting on the back of the brown leather couch. Chris’ head was in his lap, and he was telling stories about growing up in Texas. Jensen didn’t know why, since everyone there except Steve was from Texas, and God knows poor Steve had heard the same stories about a hundred times, but Chris just kept rambling on.
Finally, Jensen sighed. “Chris, for the love of God, we all know how hard it was to grow up gay in Texas, okay? We’re all gay! And we all grew up in Texas! Well, except for Steve, but still. He knows!”
Chris raised his head from Jared’s lap and fixed Jensen with a glare. “What the fuck is your problem, man?”
Jensen let his head fall back against his chair. Waving a hand at Chris he sighed. “Sorry. Keep going, I’m listening.”
Chris snorted. “Damn right you’re listening.” His head went back into Jared’s lap and he picked up right where he’d left off and Jensen closed his eyes. Hopefully no one would notice if he fell asleep.
***
Two fucking hours later, Chris was finally done talking and Jensen was able to usher his guests out the door. Jared was the last out, and on his way through the door he paused and smiled at Jensen. “I had a really great time tonight, Jen. Thanks for inviting me.”
Jensen cleared his throat. “No problem. You’re welcome anytime.”
With another sweet smile, his dimples winking out, Jared departed, running down the stairs to catch up with Chris. As Jensen was closing the door he saw Jared hook an arm around Chris’ neck and pull him close to whisper in his ear. The last thing Jensen saw was Chris laughing up at his boyfriend.
When the door was closed securely Jensen leaned against it. Maybe he should just move to California and live with Mike and Tom. He might go nuts, but it had to be better than this.
With a last sigh, Jensen went into the kitchen to clean up.
***
Jensen went into the gallery earlier than normal on Monday to accept a shipment, and he arrived about five a.m., his eyes barely open and still sleepy from a night spent tossing and turning and feeling guilty. His entire weekend had been like that, actually. The guilt he felt for liking his best friend’s boyfriend was overwhelming.
A knock on the back door startled him out of his reverie and rubbing his hands tiredly over his face, he made his way to accept the delivery.
By four o’clock, Jensen was starting to fade fast. His sleepless night had officially caught up with him, and he had no idea how he was going to manage to stay open until seven o’clock. He moved through the small rooms of the gallery on autopilot, and thanked God that it had been such a slow day. He’d only had two customers, and they’d both been browsing. Bad for business, but good for Jensen’s exhaustion.
He was seriously contemplating closing early when the bells hanging on the front door chimed. Jensen grimaced and forced himself to walk into the front room, plastering a friendly smile on his face. What he found was Jared, standing in front of the newest addition to the collection; the one that Jensen had obtained that morning. The relief he felt from realizing it wasn’t an actual customer was unfortunately outweighed by the tension he felt whenever he looked at Jared.
“Hey, man,” he said tiredly. He simply couldn’t work any amount of enthusiasm into his voice at this point, his energy level was too low.
Jared turned to look at him with his usual happy grin. “Hi!” His smile quickly turned into a frown, then something like concern when he got a good look at Jensen. “Jen, you okay, man? You look-bad.”
Jensen laughed a little. “Thanks, Jay,” he said, the nickname rolling off his tongue without thought. Then he blushed, inwardly cursing his tired brain for not filtering the stupid shit out. Jared didn’t seem to even noticed, though, too busy looking Jensen over with a worried expression on his face.
“I’m okay, Jared, I’m just ridiculously tired.”
Jared continued to frown at him. “You look it. Why don’t you take off?”
Jensen sighed. “I shouldn’t. I mean, I run a business. I can’t just close it when I have a whim, you know?”
“In all the time you’ve owned or just ran this place, have you ever closed early?”
Jensen thought back. “No.”
Jared smiled wryly. “Yeah, I didn’t think so. Come on, Jen, you look dead on your feet. Get out of here. I’ll even go with you to make sure you get home okay.”
Jensen hesitated for a while, then decided, fuck it, he might as well. It’s not like he was busy, anyway. He walked over to his desk and pulled his keys out of the top drawer. He checked to make certain the back door was locked then met Jared at the front door and they walked out together, Jensen locking up behind him.
“Jared, it’s really nice of you to offer, but you don’t have to see me home. I’m perfectly capable of getting there on my own.”
Jared snorted. “Dude, you look like you’re about to fall over. I’m not leaving you.”
“I’m telling you, I’m fine!” Unfortunately, Jensen’s feet chose that moment to trip over nothing and he stumbled. Jensen looked over at Jared, who wore an expression of, “I told you so” on his face.
“Fine,” Jensen sighed resignedly. “Let’s go.”
Jared bounded to Jensen’s side. “Do you wanna get a cab? It’s a ways to your apartment.”
“Yeah, let’s just hurry, okay? I need a bed right now.”
Jared patted Jensen on the back gently. “Hold on, man. We’ll get you there.” He walked over to the curb and whistled, and a cab miraculously sped to a stop in front of him. Opening the door, Jared gestured for Jensen to get in.
Later, Jensen wouldn’t really even remember the cab ride to his apartment, or Jared steering him up the stairs and unlocking the doors with Jensen’s keys. He fell onto the bed fully clothed and didn’t move until Jared walked in and softly prodded him.
“Jen, come on. Let’s at least get your shoes off, okay?”
Moaning a little, Jensen forced himself to sit up, looking at Jared through bleary eyes.
Jared smiled a little, reached down and began prying Jensen’s shoes off. “Man, how the hell did you manage to make it through the day in this condition?”
“Coffee,” Jensen slurred out.
“Ah. That explains it,” Jared said, voice low as he pulled off Jensen’s other shoe. “Can you stand up?”
Jensen moved automatically, not realizing until they were unbuttoned that Jared was attempting to remove Jensen’s pants. In the back of his mind, Jensen knew this was a really bad idea, but he couldn’t seem to work up the motivation to stop him. It was nice being taken care of, and the fact that it was Jared, the man who’d been on his mind for days only made it better.
So he let Jared pull his slacks down, and then he went to work on the buttons of his shirt. Minutes later, Jensen was clad only in a pair of boxers and his socks. Jared didn’t say anything, but even in his tired state, Jensen didn’t miss the gleam of appreciation in his eyes.
Then he smiled at Jensen and gently shoved him so that Jen fell back on the bed, landing softly. “Go to sleep, man,” Jared said. “I’ll lock your door.”
Eyes falling closed, Jensen tried to nod as sleep began to take over. The last thing he remembered was Jared pulling his comforter over him.
***
The next morning Jensen arrived at the gallery feeling refreshed and rested to find Jared sitting on the front stoop, a cup of Starbucks coffee in his hand as he gazed out on the busy street.
“Hey, man,” Jensen said as he approached, keys in hand, “What are you doing here?”
Jared stood and handed Jensen a cup of coffee he must have had resting next to him. “I wanted to see if you were feeling better.”
“God, yes,” Jensen replied with feeling. “Thank you so much for yesterday. I don’t think I would have managed without you.”
Jared’s smile was smug. “Told you you needed me.”
Jensen laughed at he unlocked the door and held it open for Jared, walking in behind him. “Yeah, yeah, you were right and I was wrong.”
“You’ll find that it’s easiest to just go along with me in the future, Jen, and save yourself the pain of having to admit that.”
Jensen cuffed him on the shoulder. “Shut up. And thanks for the coffee.”
“No problem.”
There was quiet for a moment as Jensen went through the gallery turning spotlights on over the paintings he wanted highlighted and readied the place to open. While Jensen was working, Jared was staring at one of the photographs that’d captivated him the previous week.
Jensen flicked the small sign on the door to “open” and walked over to where Jared was standing. “You really like that one, huh?”
Jared smiled a little, his eyes never leaving the picture. “I just love the way the light hangs over the trees, you know? And I keep trying to figure out what kind of filter they used and the exposure. I want to be able to create something like this someday.”
He finally turned away from it and looked at Jensen. This time his smile was shy when he said, “I brought my portfolio for you to look at, if you’re still interested.”
“I’m definitely still interested! You want to come over to my desk and we can go through it?”
Jared turned bright read. “No way, man. I thought I’d just leave it here for you to look at.”
Jensen looked at him. “Wuss.”
Jared laughed and headed for the door after handing over the leather case. “Damn right. Besides, I’ve got an appointment. I’ll call you, okay?”
Jensen was already heading over to the desk with the portfolio, eager to see Jared’s work. “Yep. Talk to you later.”
Jared was through the door and gone before Jensen managed to even crack the book, leaving Jensen alone.
Sitting down at his desk, Jensen opened the leather case. The first photograph was a black and white, a stark-looking picture of a seagull alone on a beach, pecking at a piece of abandoned garbage.
As Jensen went through the portfolio slowly, he found most of the photos followed a similar theme, the interference of people on the animal world. It was a surprisingly cynical viewpoint from such an optimistic guy. But then, Jensen thought, if Jared were out there, spending time with the actual wildlife, he was seeing the world in all its shitty glory. It made sense that his pictures would represent a gritty reality, not an airbrushed version of it.
Jensen was pleasantly surprised at how great Jared’s stuff was, actually. Before he’d made it through the entire book he was already planning a show. He could feel the excitement building inside himself. It was rare that he found someone this talented who hadn’t been discovered already.
Whistling, he picked up the phone and dialed Jared’s number. When it went straight to voicemail, Jensen frowned in frustration and waited for the beep to leave a message. “Jared, it’s Jen. Call me as soon as you get this, man. I need to talk to you about your photos.”
He hung up the phone and started thinking. This was actually not a good thing for Jensen’s personal life. The more time he spent with Jared, the more time he wanted to spend with Jared. And the thing he could never, ever forget was that Jared was off limits. But God, it was hard as hell to remember that when Jared was grinning at him. Jensen wanted to wrap himself around him and just never let him go.
It was starting to freak him out a little, actually. He’d never fallen this hard for someone so fast. Jensen needed to get over it. Fast.
He made a decision and picked up the phone. “Chris? Hey, man. You wanna go out tonight? We haven’t been clubbing in a while.”
Five minutes later they had plans to meet at Chris’ bar then head out to the clubs. Jensen felt better already.
***
That night while Jensen was getting dressed, his phone rang. Glancing at the caller I.D., he noted Jared’s name and thought, finally.
“It’s about damn time you called me back,” he answered without even saying hello. “I looked through your portfolio, and damn, man.”
Jared’s voice was nervous. “Good damn or bad?”
Jensen snorted. “Good! God, Jared. Do you have any idea how great your stuff is?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “Obviously not. Look, I want to put a show together.”
“A show?” Jared squeaked out, clearly shocked.
“Look, I’m in a hurry right now, but Jared, this is going to be awesome, okay? We’ll talk about it later.”
Jared was breathing kind of fast, Jensen could almost hear him panicking. Sighing, he sat down on his bed and squinted at the clock, checking the time. Well, he had time to calm a scared artist down-it certainly wasn’t his first time.
“Jared,” he soothed, “it’s going to be fine. I wouldn’t lie to you, okay?”
“Yeah, but Jen. I’m not ready for this. I mean, no. No way. People are going to think my stuff is stupid.”
“Jared. Come on. You think I would ever let you put your stuff out there in my gallery if I thought it wasn’t good enough? No,” he answered his own question. “That would never happen. Now, calm down. I promise you, this is going to rock. Now, I’m sorry, but I gotta go.”
Jared’s breath hitched, and Jensen felt a pang of guilt. There was nothing more that he wanted than to comfort Jared and try to make him understand that this was a good thing, but in the back of his mind, he knew that it wasn’t his job. It was Chris’ job. He had to remember that.
“I’ll call you later this week, okay?”
Jared made a noise of assent, clearly still overcome, and Jensen hung up, feeling terrible. He stared at himself in the mirror. Clubbing, he thought. Woo. He sighed, and finished getting ready.
***
Jensen met Chris in front of his bar, laughing as he walked up to his friend. “Dude. What the hell are you wearing? You realize we’re not in Texas anymore, right?”
Chris looked offended. “Hey, just ‘cause I’m not home doesn’t mean I should dress any different. ‘Sides, it’s not as if I’m trying to pick up anyone, so who cares if I’ve got my hat and boots on.”
Jensen rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Let’s go.”
“Can’t yet.” Chris grinned. “Gotta wait for my boy.”
Jensen’s stomach sank. “Jared’s coming?”
“What, you think I’d go out and watch you try to get your dick sucked by eighteen-year-olds by myself? No way, man. I need company.”
“Fuck you.”
Chris just laughed, looking down the street, his eyes searching the crowds for Jared. “There he is. Oh, shit.”
Mildly interested, Jensen looked in the direction Chris was staring. “What?”
“Jared brought that idiot friend of his. Chaz or Chase or something. Guy’s a moron.”
At that point, Jared was almost on them, looking fine as hell in a pair of low riding jeans and a white t-shirt. He had a blonde kid with him, who wasn’t bad-looking at all, but seemed a little squinty.
“Hey, guys,” Jared said breathlessly. “Sorry it took so long to get here. Chad had to stop for-stuff.”
Judging by the glint in Jared’s eyes, Jensen had a feeling he knew exactly what they’d stopped for. Jared was clearly high as a kite. He switched his gaze to the other guy-Chad, who was watching Jensen with an expression that made him vaguely uncomfortable. Kind of like he wanted to attack Jensen or something. It was disconcerting.
Chris grabbed the front of Jared’s shirt and pulled him down, biting on Jared’s lips. “Looks like you started the party without us, boy,” he said loudly enough for Jensen to hear.
Jared giggled and plastered himself against Chris. “We gonna go?”
Chad still hadn’t said anything, but while Jensen had been observing Chris and Jared, he seemed to have moved closer to Jensen without him having noticed. God, this was going to be a long night.
***
Two hours later, Jensen found his assessment to be dead on. It wouldn’t have been so bad, maybe, if Jared wasn’t so fucked up, or if his friend Chad hadn’t decided to more or less stalk Jensen, or if Chris hadn’t figured that since Jared was high, he may as well be too. All of those things combined made for one big pain in the ass evening.
Jared was out on the dance floor, right in the middle, his legs and arms swinging wildly. One thing Jen learned that night was that Jared? Was not a good dancer. He made an admirable effort, but he was just too uncoordinated for it. That didn’t stop him from trying, though, which Jensen would have normally appreciated, but at this point, he just wanted Jared to go sit down. Because Jared, when high, was all over the fucking place. He danced with random guys who were totally getting the wrong idea, and Jensen inevitably had to intervene when he’d see the guys get handsy. The whole time this was going on, Chad was at his back, watching him like he was a predator, and Chris was sitting at a table against the wall, stoned out of his mind and singing to himself.
It was chaos and all Jensen wanted to do was go home. Finally, Jared went to the bathroom and Jensen had a break from babysitting him. He scanned the room, looking for someone he might actually want to dance with when a voice spoke in his ear. “Want me to suck your dick?”
Jensen turned, a little horrified, and saw Chad staring at him with a crazed look in his eye. “Uh, no,” he replied. “I don’t even know you.”
Chad’s eyes gleamed. “Who the fuck cares, man? You don’t need to know me to have me suck your dick.” He leaned closer. “I have a mouth like a Hoover, man. Trust me, you won’t be sorry.”
And for a moment, Jensen actually considered it. Hell, he was horny, and it’d been so fucking long since he’d had any kind of action. It wasn’t like he hadn’t had a blow job from a stranger before. Hell, back in his early twenties he’d done way more than trade blow jobs with strangers. What difference did it make?
But then he saw Jared stumble out of the bathroom, looking shaky and not so good and he knew he couldn’t do it. Those days were over, and no matter how he tried, he couldn’t go back. “No, thanks,” he repeated. He walked away, over to where Jared was leaning against the wall.
“You okay, man?”
Jared took a deep breath. “Been better. I don’t know what the fuck Chad gave me, but coming off it isn’t so great.”
Jensen felt a surge of irritation towards Jared. “Why in the hell would you take something you when you had no clue what it was?”
“I trust Chad, Jen,” he said quietly. “I know he seems like a jerk tonight, but he’d never hurt me. He’s a good guy.”
Jensen rolled his eyes but put his hand on Jared’s arm gently. “You want to get out of here?”
Jared cracked an eye to look at Jensen. “Yeah, can we?”
Nodding, Jensen glanced over to where Chris was currently waving his hand in the air and staring at it in wonder. “Yeah,” he said, not looking away from Chris. “It’s definitely time to go.”
***
It wasn’t the easiest thing in the world to get two trashed guys and one slightly ill man home without incident, but Jensen managed. They dropped Chad off first, since he only lived a few blocks away from the club. Jensen had a feeling that was on purpose; Chad struck him as the type of guy who trolled the clubs nightly in search of new victims. Chris was next, and Jensen was surprised when Jared didn’t follow, but he didn’t say anything.
The cab was quiet as they made their way to Jared’s place, which wasn’t too terribly far from Jensen’s, it turned out. Finally, when they were about a block away, Jared spoke. “I’m sorry I was such an idiot tonight.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Jensen said awkwardly. “And don’t worry about the show, either, Jared. If you’re really that uncomfortable with the idea, you don’t have to do it.”
Jared turned to look toward Jensen, his head resting on the back of the seat. “No, I do want to, I just-don’t know that I’m good enough, you know? And I mean, I know you think I am, but God. I’m scared.”
Without thinking about what he was doing, Jensen moved closer to Jared and put his hand on Jared’s. “Look, I get it. I know you’re terrified, dude-everyone is before their first show. Actually, half the time they’re terrified over every show. It’s normal, Jared.”
Jared gazed at him, his eyes glassy. “You’re really great, Jensen, you know that?”
Jensen chuckled a little, embarrassed. “No, I’m not. I’m just good at spotting talent and not wanting to let it go.”
Jared smiled slightly and looked down. Jensen followed his gaze and blushed when he saw their joined hands. As he watched, Jared’s thumb began to stroke over Jensen’s knuckles, sending tingles straight up his arm.
I should pull away, he thought, but made no move to do so. He raised his eyes and looked at Jared, who was watching him with an unreadable look on his face.
“Jared…” he trailed off, unsure of what to say. His eyes strayed to Jared’s lips, and as he watched, Jared licked his lips. Oh, God.
“This is a bad idea,” he stated, still staring at Jared’s mouth.
“Yeah,” Jared breathed, and Jensen watched as his mouth formed the words.
“We should stop,” Jensen said desperately, a last ditch effort for sanity as he watched Jared nod. A second later, he reached across and grabbed the back of Jensen’s neck.
“I don’t want to stop,” Jared whispered against Jensen’s mouth. And then they were kissing.
Later, Jensen would tell himself it hadn’t been all that great. He’d insist that fireworks didn’t actually explode in his body, that he only imagined the sparks coming off Jared’s body and igniting his own. But right then, right at that moment, there was no question that they were real.
Jared’s tongue slid into Jensen’s mouth, wet and slick and God, he tasted ridiculously good, like beer and Texas and just fucking Jared, and it was intoxicating. He moaned and slid his hands into Jared’s hair, angling him so he could go deeper and working his tongue into Jared’s mouth bit by bit.
It felt like they were there forever, and Jensen was lost in him, lost to the sensation. Jensen’s hands were buried in Jared’s hair, and Jared was working his hands under Jensen’s shirt to reach bare skin when suddenly the cab driver barked, “Hey!” and startled them apart. “I’ve been sitting here for five minutes. You gettin’ out or not?”
Jensen and Jared stared at each other in shock for a long moment before Jared finally tore his gaze away and looked at the cab driver. “S-Sorry,” he stammered out, throwing money over the seat at the driver. With a last freaked-out glance at Jen, he opened the door and got out, leaving Jen alone with the driver.
Jensen watched to make sure Jared made it in his building safely, then tersely gave his address to the driver. His head fell back against the seat and he closed his eyes.
He licked his lips, tasting Jared, and cursed himself. How the hell was he ever going to get out of this?
***
Part Two