(no subject)
So I wrote this a few days ago, when I thought that all hope was lost. But it wasn't, hope definitely not lost. I sort of want it to be put somewhere though, as proof to the world that I wrote it. So I'm posting it, but just so you know, my stomach has been doing those stupid flippy things all day.
Once upon a time there was a girl who couldn't get her head on straight. She tried and tried but the bolts and screws just wouldn't fit.She couldn't figure out why every move she made hurt, nor could she figure out why there was a heffalump sitting on her chest and woozles dancing around her head. She wanted to know why things never went her way. The only answer she ever got was things continuing to not go her way. The girl tried as hard as she could to get rid of the monkey on her back, but she realized that the monkey ws all she had left. The girl hated quiet rooms. They told the truth too often and she just wanted her own piece of forever. She just wanted to be loved by the family that never existed. The family that she had to pull from her mind as she spoke of them. Her family kept her locked up, but she loved the fact that they didn't want to share her. She loved that her own Mother Nature died. The girl was suddenly cold all the time, drained by the slowing of her own heart. Her heart, however, was a completely different subject. Every once in a waning moon her heart would fall to the floor at the mention of it's lovers name. She can't have expected the day when that six letter name would have it falling down full flights of stairs. Her heart couldn't take flight again after that, it was missing too much of itself that it gave away to the six-letter-girl. She just wanted to be someones safe ride home, but it was obvious that no one liked her car. She was the hardest person to please, especially when it came to herself. She could be more, she could do more, but not one ever gave her the time of day. She was the optimist posing as a realist, who, deep down inside was really the most pessimistic person she had ever met. She couldn't help it. SHe was just sailing along the river as if she hadn't the slightest clue what a boat was. She couldn't help thta she was the only thing she ever had. And half of the time she didn't even like hearing herself. Her own brain hated her in a way that could never be understood by the outside world. They didn't like her either though, so it didn't really matter to the girl. She always had a crush on someone, they someho wliked her back but this girl wasn't capable of loving. Others thought she could, but the girl knew that it was just a well played mirage. She had birds in her ears and they pecked mercilessly at the thoughts that filled her head. She was a legend, but only in the room in which she was standing. She couldn't ever put up a fight so the girl just agreed to disagree. It was all she could do to keep the people that liked her close. The girl had a huge rip in her reputation, she didn't think that anything mattered when you had the right substance to fight off the emotion of it all. The only way the girl kept herself alive was by turning her feat into searing pain. To her it wasn't pain, it was an excape. She was often flooded by feelings of desertion of her own self worth. She didn't know what she was doing to herself, how badly she was tearing herself down. She didn't care either, she wanted the quick fix with the resulting guilt. That was her favorite feeling, guilt. She felt guilty for all the times that she said the three words that eventually lead to her downfall. There were many things that lead to her downfall, the first step being one of them. Her demise was a field day for the angels. They had been waiting for the daeth of the last demon to start the last good millenium. When the girl built her new home, she built it on the sand. She let everything she owned drown, along with her feeling of innocence. Her head often pounded with the sound of her fate. It was a harsh sound that brought to her harsh reality everything she got the time or energy to run away to her own small world where she could feel normal in her own twisted way. She just wanted to feel like she belonged somwhere, maybe even to someone, just wanting that feeling of semi-perminancy to settle over her bones like a thin dust. She just wanted someone to lover her like she thought she could do.
Once upon a time there was a girl who couldn't get her head on straight. She tried and tried but the bolts and screws just wouldn't fit.She couldn't figure out why every move she made hurt, nor could she figure out why there was a heffalump sitting on her chest and woozles dancing around her head. She wanted to know why things never went her way. The only answer she ever got was things continuing to not go her way. The girl tried as hard as she could to get rid of the monkey on her back, but she realized that the monkey ws all she had left. The girl hated quiet rooms. They told the truth too often and she just wanted her own piece of forever. She just wanted to be loved by the family that never existed. The family that she had to pull from her mind as she spoke of them. Her family kept her locked up, but she loved the fact that they didn't want to share her. She loved that her own Mother Nature died. The girl was suddenly cold all the time, drained by the slowing of her own heart. Her heart, however, was a completely different subject. Every once in a waning moon her heart would fall to the floor at the mention of it's lovers name. She can't have expected the day when that six letter name would have it falling down full flights of stairs. Her heart couldn't take flight again after that, it was missing too much of itself that it gave away to the six-letter-girl. She just wanted to be someones safe ride home, but it was obvious that no one liked her car. She was the hardest person to please, especially when it came to herself. She could be more, she could do more, but not one ever gave her the time of day. She was the optimist posing as a realist, who, deep down inside was really the most pessimistic person she had ever met. She couldn't help it. SHe was just sailing along the river as if she hadn't the slightest clue what a boat was. She couldn't help thta she was the only thing she ever had. And half of the time she didn't even like hearing herself. Her own brain hated her in a way that could never be understood by the outside world. They didn't like her either though, so it didn't really matter to the girl. She always had a crush on someone, they someho wliked her back but this girl wasn't capable of loving. Others thought she could, but the girl knew that it was just a well played mirage. She had birds in her ears and they pecked mercilessly at the thoughts that filled her head. She was a legend, but only in the room in which she was standing. She couldn't ever put up a fight so the girl just agreed to disagree. It was all she could do to keep the people that liked her close. The girl had a huge rip in her reputation, she didn't think that anything mattered when you had the right substance to fight off the emotion of it all. The only way the girl kept herself alive was by turning her feat into searing pain. To her it wasn't pain, it was an excape. She was often flooded by feelings of desertion of her own self worth. She didn't know what she was doing to herself, how badly she was tearing herself down. She didn't care either, she wanted the quick fix with the resulting guilt. That was her favorite feeling, guilt. She felt guilty for all the times that she said the three words that eventually lead to her downfall. There were many things that lead to her downfall, the first step being one of them. Her demise was a field day for the angels. They had been waiting for the daeth of the last demon to start the last good millenium. When the girl built her new home, she built it on the sand. She let everything she owned drown, along with her feeling of innocence. Her head often pounded with the sound of her fate. It was a harsh sound that brought to her harsh reality everything she got the time or energy to run away to her own small world where she could feel normal in her own twisted way. She just wanted to feel like she belonged somwhere, maybe even to someone, just wanting that feeling of semi-perminancy to settle over her bones like a thin dust. She just wanted someone to lover her like she thought she could do.