This is simultaneously heartbreaking and hilarious.
So this post is an experiment on two counts. First of all, I'm going to attempt to use an LJ cut, which I just figured out how to do. (hopefully.) Second, this is my first spork. Without furthur ado, onto the fail!
"Welcome to My Heart"
She was waiting patiently as the line was moving foward, she couldn't wait to meet her favourite band Tokio Hotel. Her heart was racing, her mind was blank. Well, that's not really anything to be surprised about. She had a little thing for the lead singer, Bill Kaulitz. He was nineteen though. She was only thirteen. So he is the Romeo to her Juliet! How tragic! How romantic! Ahh, the smell of overdone, cliched adolescent angst in the morning.
Alukana was her name. She was known as Kana though. [Kanh-ah] She was about 5'5, her hair was up to her shoulders and she wore dark make up. Even though she was young she looked older and acted older. For some reason, I keep reading "Alukana" as "Alucard". Alucard/Bill= new OTP. That's right, bitches. You know it would be hot.
The line moved and she was only a few steps away. She was getting a little light headed. Then black light surrounded in a flash. She woke up to see herself on the floor with Bill leaning over her. This is a pivotal plot point, but it is never actually explained what made her faint. It was probably the shock of seeing the majesty that is Bill's hair in person.
"Are you alright?" He spoke in a soft voice.
Kana was looking up, she placed her manicured hand over her head and then looked around.
"Woah-" Bill said
"What? Do I have something on my face?" Kana began brushing her face and sat up. Because I know that's the first thing that I'd ask if I had just fainted and woken up to the concern of a hot guy standing above me. -20 points for mary sue for being snarky.
"Your hands..they're so beautiful." Bill said blushing a little. Stop raping Bill and GTFO of my fandom, little suethor.
"Thank...you.." Kana said softly to him.
He nodded his head in that 'Your welcome' way. As opposed to that "Fuck you" way. He extended his hand to help her up. She came up slowly..
Her ankle was still turned when she tried standing, "Woah!" Kana screetched.
Bill acted quick and caught her, his left arm was around her neck and on her left shoulder. Kana's legs were bent a little and so were Bills. His head was right at Kana's. He was very tall indeed. About a rough 6'3 would do. Bill's tall, but not that tall. Also, awkward paragraph is awkward.
(snip)
All the fan girls left, Bill only saw her when they left. He tried waking her up, but she couldn't. So he waited. Buuh?! Didn't she already wake up from hitting her head or whatever unexplained occurrence happened to her? I guess she fainted again. She's either anemic or faking it for attention.
"Thank you." Kana said, brushing herself off.
"Bill, we have to go." Tom said impatiently.
"Wait, Tom. I can't just leave her." Bill said, looking back. Please do, Bill. For the sake of all that is good and holy in the world, please do.
"Kana, how old are you?" Bill asked.
"Um..I'm....Uh..." Kana studdered. She was so worried if she told him, he'd freak out and leave. Because helping a thirteen-year-old who fainted totally makes you a sick pedo who wants in her pants.
"Bill! Hurry up already!" Tom yelled.
"Okay, Tom! Hold on!" Bill yelled back.
Bill grabbed Kana's arm why not the rest of her? and the five, including Tobi, walked out of the store sighning and made their way to the black vans.
(snip)
The two vans pulled up and the five got inside. Bill and Kana sat in the back and the rest of the guys sat in front. They pulled away as thousands of van girls I think the number of female vans who happen to be fans of Tokio Hotel would surprise a lot of people. cried and screamed for them. They drove away and made its way to a near resturant.
"Will you tell me?" Bill asked.
"I'm...fifteen..." Kana said, lying through her teeth.
"Hmm...you looked around that age. Well, Kana. Call your parents because we're taking you out to eat." Shouldn't you be taking her to the hospital, or something? Seeing as she fainted, possibly twice?
Kana nodded and took out her phone. She dialed her house phone and her mom picked up.
"Mom." Kana said
"Honey. Where are you?" Kana's mother, Angela asked calm. Who's this "Calm" that you speak of? Whoever he is, he's probably got more personality than the rest of the characters in this story put together.
Kana explained the whole story about what happened. Angela agreed she could eat with the boys.
"Please put Tobi on the phone, dear." Angela said. How would her mother know about TH's bodyguard?
Kana was shocked. She looked over at Tobi, and she handed him the phone.
"My mother wants to talk to you..." Kana said nervously.
Tobi took the phone and smiled. Then mouthed 'Last name?' to Kana. She replied "My last name is Draugtenburg." she whispered.
"Yes. Hello Mrs. Draugtenburg." Tobi said.
"Tobi. Please take care of Kana. We know you can't remember her much, but please protect her. She's only thirteen." Angela said.
You see, Tobi was Kana's uncle. Yes, shocker. That's for sure. Wait- if he's her uncle, than why did he have to ask her what her last name was? Kana knows and so does Tobi, no one else from TH does though. But Tobi nows if the band hurts her, he won't stop being their gaurd.
"Yes ma'am. I'll take good care of her." He said.
"Thank you. I miss you. Be safe." Angela said.
"You as well. Buh-Bye." Tobi said, hanging up as soon and Angela said goodbye. I'm not even going to attempt to figure out the familial dynamics of this illogical group of people.
(snip)
"Tell me inside." Bill said, smiling. He took her hand and let her go out first. Kana waited for him and the whole band walked inside.
"Gustav, Georg, Tom, Tobi. You guys stay here, Kana and I have to talk." Bill said when they first walked in. They were at 'In N out Burger' How classy. Bill, if you want to romance a girl, try taking her someplace a little nicer for the first date. I'm sure Friendly's would suffice for this particular girl. and there was no one but a cashier, and two people working in the kitchen.
Bill walked out in front of the fast food joint with Kana.
"Kana, what's wrong?" Bill asked in a sexy-tone. Because I know I carry on serious conversations using a "sexy-tone". It's so always so appropriate.
(snipping the part with irrational, verbally abusive Bill.)
"You...you lied. About age? The most important thing. It's werid. I thought you were my..." Bill stopped. Jesusallahbuddah, WHY?! Just because Bill claims to be waiting for "The One" doesn't mean that he thinks every pretty girl he meets could be it! You've known each other for, like, two hours!
"Your what? HUH?! Just exactly what? Your friend? Your helper?! What?! You age-caring bastard!" Kana yelled. I think this is the best insult I've come across all day.
Bill looked at her and let go of her shoulders, he backed away and then looked at the ground.
"You...your sickening. I hate men like you. Who hurt girls because of age. It doesn't matter!" Kana yelled, a tear slowly dripping from her face. Oh noes, the dreaded emo tear of DOOM! She looked at him, hurt. Then went inside and went over to Tobi.
"I'm proud of you.." He whispered and hugged her.
When everyone ordered, Bill came inside. He looked fine although he didn't smiled. He sat next to Kana, but didn't speak at all. He didn't want to sit by her, but it was the only spot. Kana slowly ate her order, which was a chicken wrap. Bill got a burger and ate it. The lolcats are jealous.
(snipping the inane conversation between band members)
That night is a night she will never forget. Neither will Bill. The night they told each other everything. And then they, like, painted each other's nails while watching America's Next Top Model, soon falling asleep in matching sleeping bags and totally cute pajamas that they bought together at Victoria's Secret.
Ah, woe is me. That's why I generally stick to slash. Because most of the people who write het on that site are horny, overemotional preteens.