take my hand and lead me north ; NatsuBem
take my hand and lead me north ; NatsuBem
PG | 1141 words
All they ever had were little moments lost in time.
warning: angst
▶this is what happens during organic chemistry lectures lol.
▶written for alienashi, just because. and a big thank you to my ever-awesome beta, kyjr♥
Bemu had always known Natsume needed no knight in shining armor to protect him, but he is still willing to be one for him anyway.
There had never been any tale to tell between them, no story to last a lifetime, no ‘once upon a time’s. Just little moments trapped in time and to Bemu, it’s more than enough.
*
In Bemu's opinion, wanting to be a human and knowing how to be one are two separate matters.
The selfless love and care some possess baffles him. It is at war with every memory he has ever had of being stoned, of being yelled at simply because he's different from them.
As time went by Bemu had just about every single name hurled at him and his two companions, but they all come down to one thing - a monster. An abomination, something that does not belong.
All those memories painted with green-tinted vision and the screams of humans as they run away.
*
“Why didn’t you tell me about it?” Natsume asked. They were both sitting by the couch after dinner - Natsume had invited them along the night after he had found out about their other form.
Bemu tilted his head, letting his hat cover most of his face and looked away. He did not want to turn back; he did not dare to. He was not sure of what he would see should he turn. Natsume did not sound particularly angry but then again, what did he know about being angry?
Every single memory of anger he ever had was punctuated with laces of pain and his vision turning green.
“Would you have pushed me away if I told you from the start?”
Silence answered his question and Bemu said nothing in return.
He expected nothing less.
*
People sometimes say that you're 'green with envy'.
Bemu guessed that maybe he is envious. Envious over humans and their normality.
Envious at how they have everything right under their noses but most seem to not see it.
Bemu wanted to be human, maybe then the green visions would go away. For then he had nothing to be envious of anymore.
*
Natsume was just about everything Bemu wanted to be should he become a human.
He had a family, a home and something other than the bland tufts of grass by the park to eat.
As the days passed, Natsume somehow became something of a compass to Bemu, leading him north to his humanity.
Bemu once promised Natsume that he would stop him should he do anything against what he believed in.
The night Natsume held a gun to a person’s head was the night Bemu decided to uphold that promise.
For it was that same night, as he watched the cold indifference on Natsume’s face that belied the rage that he must have been feeling inside, that Bemu started losing his grip on what little humanity he had.
Bemu is more than willing to become the monster he so wishes would disappear, if it means that Natsume gets to stay a human.
*
“All of you are more human than any other person out there.” Bemu looks at Natsume standing there in front of them, feet firm on the ground. The only reason Bemu could tell that Natsume was indeed shaken, if not terrified, was because of his trembling hands.
Bemu thinks otherwise.
*
Bera once said that she wished to fall in love if she ever becomes a human.
Bemu looks about Bero and Bera, and then remembers Natsume. He thinks that love probably barreled straight through the doors of his chest and into his heart.
*
The ache in his chest was a foreign feeling, the tears that fell even more so. He stared at a drop on his finger, the hot tracks it left on his face was no stranger to him and yet, it somehow was.
“…Why?” He muttered, more to himself than to Natsume who was standing beside him. The umbrella still held high, his clothes soaked from the rain. “Why?”
He turned to Natsume and realized what the answer to his question was.
*
“Here, just take it,” Natsume insisted as he pushed the umbrella into Bemu’s hand and Bemu could only stare in open wonder as the man in front of him was willing to pass up his only umbrella for someone he had just met.
Bemu continued to hold his silence even as Natsume said his goodbyes and ran off, his suitcase the only shelter he has from the rain.
He could feel his grip on the umbrella tighten as he stood there and waited till Natsume disappeared to continue his walk home. There was really no need for him to use an umbrella, the flu bug and other common illnesses have no effect on him and his companions. Hence why they never die, not from old age nor from illnesses.
Even so, Bemu continued holding up the umbrella till he reached the doors of the boat.
Evading questions from Bera and Bero about where he got the umbrella, he folded it as neatly as he could and gently placed it on the wooden table in the middle of the boat.
That night, there were no nightmare of frightened villagers chasing them away, only dreams of a man quietly holding an umbrella for him, of a man willing to stand under the rain, to be willing to get wet if it meant that the other would stay dry.
*
Maybe it was a trick of the light, or maybe it was something his heart made up for him to see but he could have sworn he saw desperation in Natsume’s eyes as he turned to make his way out of the theatre.
“Don’t go,” his eyes seemed to be pleading, “Stay.” or Bemu could have just been thinking too much. Making it all up in an attempt to bluff himself into staying behind.
Whatever it was, Bemu decided then and there to make another promise.
“I’ll always be by your side.”
It was one Bemu intended to keep.
*
There was a certain joy to be had from having Natsume see them one last time.
“Bemu-san!” Bemu could hear Natsume shouting, barely audible through the crackles of the fire.
Bemu closes his eyes as the pieces of burning wood collapses and tries to hear above the crackles getting louder and the sound of wood banging against the floor, trying to commit Natsume’s last few cries to his memory.
If he could not become a human, at least he could still have a piece of humanity with him.
*
Bemu had always known Natsume needed no knight in shining armor to protect him but for that one person who showed Bemu what humanity and being a human was like, he became one anyway.
PG | 1141 words
All they ever had were little moments lost in time.
warning: angst
▶this is what happens during organic chemistry lectures lol.
▶written for alienashi, just because. and a big thank you to my ever-awesome beta, kyjr♥
Bemu had always known Natsume needed no knight in shining armor to protect him, but he is still willing to be one for him anyway.
There had never been any tale to tell between them, no story to last a lifetime, no ‘once upon a time’s. Just little moments trapped in time and to Bemu, it’s more than enough.
*
In Bemu's opinion, wanting to be a human and knowing how to be one are two separate matters.
The selfless love and care some possess baffles him. It is at war with every memory he has ever had of being stoned, of being yelled at simply because he's different from them.
As time went by Bemu had just about every single name hurled at him and his two companions, but they all come down to one thing - a monster. An abomination, something that does not belong.
All those memories painted with green-tinted vision and the screams of humans as they run away.
*
“Why didn’t you tell me about it?” Natsume asked. They were both sitting by the couch after dinner - Natsume had invited them along the night after he had found out about their other form.
Bemu tilted his head, letting his hat cover most of his face and looked away. He did not want to turn back; he did not dare to. He was not sure of what he would see should he turn. Natsume did not sound particularly angry but then again, what did he know about being angry?
Every single memory of anger he ever had was punctuated with laces of pain and his vision turning green.
“Would you have pushed me away if I told you from the start?”
Silence answered his question and Bemu said nothing in return.
He expected nothing less.
*
People sometimes say that you're 'green with envy'.
Bemu guessed that maybe he is envious. Envious over humans and their normality.
Envious at how they have everything right under their noses but most seem to not see it.
Bemu wanted to be human, maybe then the green visions would go away. For then he had nothing to be envious of anymore.
*
Natsume was just about everything Bemu wanted to be should he become a human.
He had a family, a home and something other than the bland tufts of grass by the park to eat.
As the days passed, Natsume somehow became something of a compass to Bemu, leading him north to his humanity.
Bemu once promised Natsume that he would stop him should he do anything against what he believed in.
The night Natsume held a gun to a person’s head was the night Bemu decided to uphold that promise.
For it was that same night, as he watched the cold indifference on Natsume’s face that belied the rage that he must have been feeling inside, that Bemu started losing his grip on what little humanity he had.
Bemu is more than willing to become the monster he so wishes would disappear, if it means that Natsume gets to stay a human.
*
“All of you are more human than any other person out there.” Bemu looks at Natsume standing there in front of them, feet firm on the ground. The only reason Bemu could tell that Natsume was indeed shaken, if not terrified, was because of his trembling hands.
Bemu thinks otherwise.
*
Bera once said that she wished to fall in love if she ever becomes a human.
Bemu looks about Bero and Bera, and then remembers Natsume. He thinks that love probably barreled straight through the doors of his chest and into his heart.
*
The ache in his chest was a foreign feeling, the tears that fell even more so. He stared at a drop on his finger, the hot tracks it left on his face was no stranger to him and yet, it somehow was.
“…Why?” He muttered, more to himself than to Natsume who was standing beside him. The umbrella still held high, his clothes soaked from the rain. “Why?”
He turned to Natsume and realized what the answer to his question was.
*
“Here, just take it,” Natsume insisted as he pushed the umbrella into Bemu’s hand and Bemu could only stare in open wonder as the man in front of him was willing to pass up his only umbrella for someone he had just met.
Bemu continued to hold his silence even as Natsume said his goodbyes and ran off, his suitcase the only shelter he has from the rain.
He could feel his grip on the umbrella tighten as he stood there and waited till Natsume disappeared to continue his walk home. There was really no need for him to use an umbrella, the flu bug and other common illnesses have no effect on him and his companions. Hence why they never die, not from old age nor from illnesses.
Even so, Bemu continued holding up the umbrella till he reached the doors of the boat.
Evading questions from Bera and Bero about where he got the umbrella, he folded it as neatly as he could and gently placed it on the wooden table in the middle of the boat.
That night, there were no nightmare of frightened villagers chasing them away, only dreams of a man quietly holding an umbrella for him, of a man willing to stand under the rain, to be willing to get wet if it meant that the other would stay dry.
*
Maybe it was a trick of the light, or maybe it was something his heart made up for him to see but he could have sworn he saw desperation in Natsume’s eyes as he turned to make his way out of the theatre.
“Don’t go,” his eyes seemed to be pleading, “Stay.” or Bemu could have just been thinking too much. Making it all up in an attempt to bluff himself into staying behind.
Whatever it was, Bemu decided then and there to make another promise.
“I’ll always be by your side.”
It was one Bemu intended to keep.
*
There was a certain joy to be had from having Natsume see them one last time.
“Bemu-san!” Bemu could hear Natsume shouting, barely audible through the crackles of the fire.
Bemu closes his eyes as the pieces of burning wood collapses and tries to hear above the crackles getting louder and the sound of wood banging against the floor, trying to commit Natsume’s last few cries to his memory.
If he could not become a human, at least he could still have a piece of humanity with him.
*
Bemu had always known Natsume needed no knight in shining armor to protect him but for that one person who showed Bemu what humanity and being a human was like, he became one anyway.