My Space Affirmation Power Hour
I love My Space. It is like I have been invited to a community that exists exclusively to entertain me when, for instance, my car won't go and I've been sitting around my house all day. Today, you may have guessed, was one of those days.
Here are a few very important messages from the world of using the internet as another forum for a popularity contest.
"All I have to ask is why????????Why do guys suck so much....."
Wait, what is all you have to ask? "Why?" or "Why do guys suck so much?"? All I have to ask is why people can't just clearly express themselves instead of throwing as much punctuation as possible at the reader? If I wrote it your way, I'd say "All I will ever need to know before I die is what???????What purpose do all my question marks serve there.....Oh, I seem to have fallen asleep momentarily."
Incidentally, here are the answers to your questions: 1. "Here lies David St. Hubbins... and why not?" 2. "...the Druids. No one knows who they were or what they were doing." Well, that's according to me and the repository of This Is SPINAL TAP quotes I carry in my brain to spout off in lieu of actual conversation; another fellow let's us know it's actually because
"Guys suck and are almost always fishing."
Okay...
"Doesn't matter too much how good they have it, they're always looking for something new until what they had is gone."
Okay...
"Then when it's too late they realize that the same line, hook, or lure won't catch that one good fish that they [bongo fury]ed up and let go."
O- wha? The same line, hook or lure? Hook, line and sinker? This metaphor would make a lot more sense if we were using fat kids instead of fish and ham, bacon and eggs on a biscuit instead of a line, hook or lure. I know it was too late when I discovered my ham, bacon and egg biscuit didn't catch the one good fat kid I was- no, I guess that doesn't make the metaphor any better.
"They Notice that the woman who wanted to be treated like a woman was what they really wanted."
I hate that song that starts off "I want you to want me!" and that sentence reminded me rather drastically of it. Also, are there lots of women out there who want to be treated like lamps or griddlecakes instead of women? I think I'd like to meet the lamp woman; then I could say "I Noticed that the woman who wanted to be treated like a lamp was totally whacked out of her gourd."
Oh, let's finish the concept out:
"So the only challenge is finding the guys 'after' they've been kicked ebough times to have some sense."
Yeah, just wait for some dude to get all his business done so he's worn out ebough to settle down. Ladies, maybe you could formulate a questionnaire!
Another guy says basically the same thing and ends with the most awesome assertion ever.
"I wind up putting up with a lot of it myself. That's what happens when you're the nice guy."
There's a difference between being nice and being a whiner. I may not be nice and I may not know how to be nice and I may actually be terrified of showing any niceness since I fear it would be perceived as weakness, but I have known nice guys and none of them would ever say "Yeah, life sucks because I'm nice." People who say that are masking themselves in a web of implication; it's like when I say, "Man, I'm so popular and cool that my life is a whirlwind of activity and I have to tell myself to just breathe sometimes." It's a facade; it's puttin' on the Ritz.
Thematically similar is this bit:
"Funny prank=jail time. I GUARANTEE IT" is our lead-in. Fortunately, I don't qualify for half the equation so I won't ever have to sweat jail time; maybe I can finally air out my dead hobo collection!
What follows this stellar revelation? "I say this because there are so many guys in real life that think they are still in high school when they are like almost in there mid 20's. and thats not only gross but VERY pathetic." I think it was St. Aquinas who first noted the phenomenon she mentions; his universally hailed essay on the subject began "People trippin' and I feel that, but you gotta be like almost seeming to like be straight out flat-out flip-out, you know? It can be pretty gross." Our My Space acquaintance then said
"Its pretty sad when people will [bongo fury] with me or my friends that will cause them in a world of hurt!"
But Aquinas could very well have spoken those words too. Also, Walter Sobchak: "Smokey, my friend, you are entering a world of pain." Neither one of them could make this assertion though:
"I mean..my sis is in the FBI and can crush anyones dreams by turning a simple prank into a work that is a big crime here."
You know what? Ignore everything I said up there. I was forced to type it under duress. They have a gun to my pizza delivery person's head. They- they won't let me stop.
When is the best time to use My Space? When you're drunk! Excuse me, wehn your DRUNK!
"buddy i was your drunkin well still am your drukneki bartenbed you neo wat i mena!!!!"
This could be a message from The Matrix because of the 'neo' there at the end, but that movie is so old and so retroactively terrible that I feel kind of dirty trying to springboard anything off of that particular typographical error.
"im an English major and either want to go to law school or Teach English in college one day,, not sure though,,"
I'd opt for law school.
"i am someone who takes pleasure in the &simple& things in life."
Using ampersands improperly apparently qualifes as a simple thing to take pleasure in. &&hot-crossed buns&&. Wheee!
"You would have to get to know me but i'm a fun guy like to kick back and have a good time."
I used to trot that one out at the bars until finally I lost my hearing from all the ladies' laughter. Actually, I didn't, but I'm going to now. It will run like this:
Toddcore: Hey, hot mama, you would have to get to know me, but I'm a fun guy like to kick back have good time.
Hot Mama: You just randomly strung some words together.
Toddcore: Cuz you gots to gets to knows me.
Hot Mama: I have to get to know you but you're a fun guy?
Toddcore: Uh, yeah.
Hot Mama: So until I get to know you, you're not? You're miserable and lonely and you just stand in the corner looking sad?
Toddcore: Naw, naw, I'm still fun and having a good time. I just- you just can't tell that fact until you know me.
Hot Mama: So you're having a good time, but I can't tell? You're having a good time but you seem really, really unhappy to everyone else? Then your mom shows up and says, "Oh, you can't tell it, honey, but he's having the time of his life."?
Toddcore: I was grown in a test tube!
"The person who invented bubble gum, willy wonka and the oompa loompas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that would be way RAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Actually, this guy is pretty cool. I think we could chill and I bet he would laugh at my favorite bit in Futurama when they go into the Slurm caverns and see the Oompa Loompas there and Professor Farnsworth says "Tell them I hate them!"
"i'm very unorganized fyi and io LOSE EVERYTHING"
Thanks for the heads up! I'll never task you with putting away important files.
"and not only do i lost everything but i lose it like 3 times a day"
I don't even know how that's possible.
"I am all about family and friends. They are probably the biggest part of my life outside of work."
The biggest part of my life outside of work is sandwiches then family and friends so I can't even relate to this guy.
Okay, the bit I opened with about lying and all that? I swear, every single random link I follow leads me to another one of those. I wanted some quality content, not just crappy typing skills. Grammar can only take me so far; in fact, the more I harp on grammar, the less I feel like I deserve a happy, normal life. Right about now, I'm thinking I should be huddled under a comforter fashioned from yellowed newspapers under a bridge somewhere on the east coast. Even the idea of telling someone special I want to be their "drukneki bartenbed" is faint consolation.
The end.
Here are a few very important messages from the world of using the internet as another forum for a popularity contest.
"All I have to ask is why????????Why do guys suck so much....."
Wait, what is all you have to ask? "Why?" or "Why do guys suck so much?"? All I have to ask is why people can't just clearly express themselves instead of throwing as much punctuation as possible at the reader? If I wrote it your way, I'd say "All I will ever need to know before I die is what???????What purpose do all my question marks serve there.....Oh, I seem to have fallen asleep momentarily."
Incidentally, here are the answers to your questions: 1. "Here lies David St. Hubbins... and why not?" 2. "...the Druids. No one knows who they were or what they were doing." Well, that's according to me and the repository of This Is SPINAL TAP quotes I carry in my brain to spout off in lieu of actual conversation; another fellow let's us know it's actually because
"Guys suck and are almost always fishing."
Okay...
"Doesn't matter too much how good they have it, they're always looking for something new until what they had is gone."
Okay...
"Then when it's too late they realize that the same line, hook, or lure won't catch that one good fish that they [bongo fury]ed up and let go."
O- wha? The same line, hook or lure? Hook, line and sinker? This metaphor would make a lot more sense if we were using fat kids instead of fish and ham, bacon and eggs on a biscuit instead of a line, hook or lure. I know it was too late when I discovered my ham, bacon and egg biscuit didn't catch the one good fat kid I was- no, I guess that doesn't make the metaphor any better.
"They Notice that the woman who wanted to be treated like a woman was what they really wanted."
I hate that song that starts off "I want you to want me!" and that sentence reminded me rather drastically of it. Also, are there lots of women out there who want to be treated like lamps or griddlecakes instead of women? I think I'd like to meet the lamp woman; then I could say "I Noticed that the woman who wanted to be treated like a lamp was totally whacked out of her gourd."
Oh, let's finish the concept out:
"So the only challenge is finding the guys 'after' they've been kicked ebough times to have some sense."
Yeah, just wait for some dude to get all his business done so he's worn out ebough to settle down. Ladies, maybe you could formulate a questionnaire!
Another guy says basically the same thing and ends with the most awesome assertion ever.
"I wind up putting up with a lot of it myself. That's what happens when you're the nice guy."
There's a difference between being nice and being a whiner. I may not be nice and I may not know how to be nice and I may actually be terrified of showing any niceness since I fear it would be perceived as weakness, but I have known nice guys and none of them would ever say "Yeah, life sucks because I'm nice." People who say that are masking themselves in a web of implication; it's like when I say, "Man, I'm so popular and cool that my life is a whirlwind of activity and I have to tell myself to just breathe sometimes." It's a facade; it's puttin' on the Ritz.
Thematically similar is this bit:
"Funny prank=jail time. I GUARANTEE IT" is our lead-in. Fortunately, I don't qualify for half the equation so I won't ever have to sweat jail time; maybe I can finally air out my dead hobo collection!
What follows this stellar revelation? "I say this because there are so many guys in real life that think they are still in high school when they are like almost in there mid 20's. and thats not only gross but VERY pathetic." I think it was St. Aquinas who first noted the phenomenon she mentions; his universally hailed essay on the subject began "People trippin' and I feel that, but you gotta be like almost seeming to like be straight out flat-out flip-out, you know? It can be pretty gross." Our My Space acquaintance then said
"Its pretty sad when people will [bongo fury] with me or my friends that will cause them in a world of hurt!"
But Aquinas could very well have spoken those words too. Also, Walter Sobchak: "Smokey, my friend, you are entering a world of pain." Neither one of them could make this assertion though:
"I mean..my sis is in the FBI and can crush anyones dreams by turning a simple prank into a work that is a big crime here."
You know what? Ignore everything I said up there. I was forced to type it under duress. They have a gun to my pizza delivery person's head. They- they won't let me stop.
When is the best time to use My Space? When you're drunk! Excuse me, wehn your DRUNK!
"buddy i was your drunkin well still am your drukneki bartenbed you neo wat i mena!!!!"
This could be a message from The Matrix because of the 'neo' there at the end, but that movie is so old and so retroactively terrible that I feel kind of dirty trying to springboard anything off of that particular typographical error.
"im an English major and either want to go to law school or Teach English in college one day,, not sure though,,"
I'd opt for law school.
"i am someone who takes pleasure in the &simple& things in life."
Using ampersands improperly apparently qualifes as a simple thing to take pleasure in. &&hot-crossed buns&&. Wheee!
"You would have to get to know me but i'm a fun guy like to kick back and have a good time."
I used to trot that one out at the bars until finally I lost my hearing from all the ladies' laughter. Actually, I didn't, but I'm going to now. It will run like this:
Toddcore: Hey, hot mama, you would have to get to know me, but I'm a fun guy like to kick back have good time.
Hot Mama: You just randomly strung some words together.
Toddcore: Cuz you gots to gets to knows me.
Hot Mama: I have to get to know you but you're a fun guy?
Toddcore: Uh, yeah.
Hot Mama: So until I get to know you, you're not? You're miserable and lonely and you just stand in the corner looking sad?
Toddcore: Naw, naw, I'm still fun and having a good time. I just- you just can't tell that fact until you know me.
Hot Mama: So you're having a good time, but I can't tell? You're having a good time but you seem really, really unhappy to everyone else? Then your mom shows up and says, "Oh, you can't tell it, honey, but he's having the time of his life."?
Toddcore: I was grown in a test tube!
"The person who invented bubble gum, willy wonka and the oompa loompas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that would be way RAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Actually, this guy is pretty cool. I think we could chill and I bet he would laugh at my favorite bit in Futurama when they go into the Slurm caverns and see the Oompa Loompas there and Professor Farnsworth says "Tell them I hate them!"
"i'm very unorganized fyi and io LOSE EVERYTHING"
Thanks for the heads up! I'll never task you with putting away important files.
"and not only do i lost everything but i lose it like 3 times a day"
I don't even know how that's possible.
"I am all about family and friends. They are probably the biggest part of my life outside of work."
The biggest part of my life outside of work is sandwiches then family and friends so I can't even relate to this guy.
Okay, the bit I opened with about lying and all that? I swear, every single random link I follow leads me to another one of those. I wanted some quality content, not just crappy typing skills. Grammar can only take me so far; in fact, the more I harp on grammar, the less I feel like I deserve a happy, normal life. Right about now, I'm thinking I should be huddled under a comforter fashioned from yellowed newspapers under a bridge somewhere on the east coast. Even the idea of telling someone special I want to be their "drukneki bartenbed" is faint consolation.
The end.