(no subject)
So, I was told to write this, and even though I'm not the most religious person, I figured I'd give it a try..
...to have you stick me with these horrible people known as parents? Where there not enough other people having sex at the time of my conception that I had to be here, rather than with people who actually give a damn?
I know I don't have the worst life ever. I'm not in some third world nation suffering from AIDs and getting one step closer to death due to starvation or some other disease. I don't have any life-altering ailments or handicaps that so many others have, and who starve for life at the same time. None of that matters though. Because I'm not clinging for dear life as they are...in fact, I'm so selfish as to want to give it up all together sometimes. But besides that...I've never smoked, or done other drugs, or drunken alcohol, or had sex, or stolen anything, and yet, I'm still being punished for something. Most people don't even believe that I'm completely straight edge, much less by choice, and yet it doesn't even matter. Hell, I even read the bible in my own time to see if it'll offer some divine wisdom. It doesn't. But hey, you're God, so you already know all this.
I'm tired, and upset, and all together fed up with things. The few (and I mean FEW) friends I have left are allowed to leave whenever they want, go wherever they want, and stay out till all hours of the morning, and never get even so much as a scolding for it. Being alone hurts, damnit. And now that my father's started disconnecting the internet at night, I can't wait up to even talk to them for a few minutes, which seemed to be the only salvation I had from this monotonous hell. But then, who the hell am I to want them to stay home, and share in the misery? It's selfish, and what's more, it's pure jealousy over the fact that they're allowed more control over their own lives.
I can tell I'm not normal. My mind doesn't process things the same way other people's do, and for that reason, I wish I was mentally retarded. Then I wouldn't be able to brood over such garbage, nor feel any of the crap that I feel. I don't want to be depressive, because that's bullshit. I don't want to feel like such utter shit that I'd rather be six feet under. But, I don't know what to do. Sure, it's only a year, and it sounds all fine when it's put like that, but I don't even want another day of this, much less another year. I can't fix things, and it's both controlling and ruining my life.
So do me a favor, God...help me. I need you to make things right, when I so obviously can't do it myself. If you can't...then please...at least grant me death. I swear to you, I can't take it anymore. My endurance has given out, as has my spirit and will to persist life even through adversity. Please...
Sincerely,
You know who I am
...to have you stick me with these horrible people known as parents? Where there not enough other people having sex at the time of my conception that I had to be here, rather than with people who actually give a damn?
I know I don't have the worst life ever. I'm not in some third world nation suffering from AIDs and getting one step closer to death due to starvation or some other disease. I don't have any life-altering ailments or handicaps that so many others have, and who starve for life at the same time. None of that matters though. Because I'm not clinging for dear life as they are...in fact, I'm so selfish as to want to give it up all together sometimes. But besides that...I've never smoked, or done other drugs, or drunken alcohol, or had sex, or stolen anything, and yet, I'm still being punished for something. Most people don't even believe that I'm completely straight edge, much less by choice, and yet it doesn't even matter. Hell, I even read the bible in my own time to see if it'll offer some divine wisdom. It doesn't. But hey, you're God, so you already know all this.
I'm tired, and upset, and all together fed up with things. The few (and I mean FEW) friends I have left are allowed to leave whenever they want, go wherever they want, and stay out till all hours of the morning, and never get even so much as a scolding for it. Being alone hurts, damnit. And now that my father's started disconnecting the internet at night, I can't wait up to even talk to them for a few minutes, which seemed to be the only salvation I had from this monotonous hell. But then, who the hell am I to want them to stay home, and share in the misery? It's selfish, and what's more, it's pure jealousy over the fact that they're allowed more control over their own lives.
I can tell I'm not normal. My mind doesn't process things the same way other people's do, and for that reason, I wish I was mentally retarded. Then I wouldn't be able to brood over such garbage, nor feel any of the crap that I feel. I don't want to be depressive, because that's bullshit. I don't want to feel like such utter shit that I'd rather be six feet under. But, I don't know what to do. Sure, it's only a year, and it sounds all fine when it's put like that, but I don't even want another day of this, much less another year. I can't fix things, and it's both controlling and ruining my life.
So do me a favor, God...help me. I need you to make things right, when I so obviously can't do it myself. If you can't...then please...at least grant me death. I swear to you, I can't take it anymore. My endurance has given out, as has my spirit and will to persist life even through adversity. Please...
Sincerely,
You know who I am