Nick's gone
OOC: This is a great deal more explicit than Nick's post, so it has been put behind an LJ cut due to the nature of its content.
Viggo came to our cabin last night. Nick and I were asleep. He put his hand over my mouth, and I thought it was Nick because he'd done that yesterday, teasing me with the ice, and I was half-asleep, so I just kind of muttered against the hand, "Baby, no more ice, please, sleepy", but then I heard Viggo growl into my ear, "If you make another fucking sound, I'll slit loverboy's throat and make you drink his blood." I froze and nodded, not making another sound. Then he pulled me away from Nick, cuffing me to the radiator on the other side of the room, and I watched as he climbed on the bed, pinning Nick to the mattress.
Nick must've thought it was me, because he didn't move until Viggo shoved into him, and I have never just pushed in, I wouldn't ever do that to him, it hurts too damn much. He cried out in pain and started struggling, and once that happened, I was yelling at Nick to get up, get away, yelling at Viggo to get the fuck off him, but neither happened, and Nick couldn't get free, he was pinned, and Viggo kept shoving into him.
He pinned Nick's hands above his head as he raped him, and all the while I was yelling at Nick, trying to get free from the cuffs, but they were solid steel, and I couldn't do shit. I couldn't do anything but stand there and watch as Viggo raped my Nick. He yelled at Viggo, yelled at me to get away, but I couldn't, and I swear, I will never forget watching Nick struggle against him, no matter how much I want to.
He finally finished, and he slapped him hard, saying something about how "you pretty boys think you can get away with anything", and then he and Nick vanished, and I was still crying for Nick, but he wasn't there, no one was, so I just curled up in a little ball on the floor, as far as I could, since I was still cuffed to the radiator.
I kept hoping it was just a bad dream, that I'd wake up and be safe in Nick's arms, and he'd be safe in mine, but I never woke up, I never found myself in Nick's strong arms, listening to his heartbeat or his breathing, or smelling his shampoo on his hair, or feeling his fingers run over my spine in his sleep. Then the door burst in and I heard voices calling my name and Nick's, but I was completely gone, I had no idea what was going on anymore, I just kept seeing Nick's face as Viggo pushed into him, and I didn't even notice a blanket being wrapped around me as someone lifted me up.
I woke up in Heaven's infirmary, and Claudia and the Brandon's were at my bedside, with Angel Sean. I looked at my hands and saw that I still had my ring, I still had Nick's ring, my wolf's head, and I just looked at Claudia and then at Sean and just broke down crying again.
"It's all my fault," I told them, "Nick's gone because of me, because he loved me and stood up for me, and then I didn't say shit because he threatened to hurt Nick if I did." I cried softly for a minute. "All my fucking fault..."
"Who did this, Chris?"
That was Sean, I'd know that soft voice anywhere, he gave me the courage to actually tell Nick what I was feeling in the first place.
I rolled onto my side, facing away from them and looking out the window.
"Viggo."
I closed my eyes and tried to wish it all away, but it didn't work.
I haven't said a word since.
I just want my wolf back, I want to be his Chris, his birdie, I want my Nick, I want things to be how they were. I don't want to go back to the cabin alone, I don't want to go back at all and see Nick's blood on the bed or the radiator where I was cuffed or sleep in the bed where Viggo forced himself on my Nicky, I can't, I can't, I fucking can't!
I just want my Nick back.
I want us to be safe again.
I'm at Sean and Orli's right now. The Brandon's and Sean and Claudia don't want me to go home, not by myself, and I don't want to go back at all. Not even with Nick. I can't go back there without seeing Viggo on top of my Nick, without hearing Nick yelling, without feeling so empty because I couldn't do anything to help Nick, and it's all my fucking fault because I didn't say a word because Viggo threatened Nick and I don't want him to hurt, but he got hurt anyway and is probably hurting now and --
*breaks down crying again*
Viggo came to our cabin last night. Nick and I were asleep. He put his hand over my mouth, and I thought it was Nick because he'd done that yesterday, teasing me with the ice, and I was half-asleep, so I just kind of muttered against the hand, "Baby, no more ice, please, sleepy", but then I heard Viggo growl into my ear, "If you make another fucking sound, I'll slit loverboy's throat and make you drink his blood." I froze and nodded, not making another sound. Then he pulled me away from Nick, cuffing me to the radiator on the other side of the room, and I watched as he climbed on the bed, pinning Nick to the mattress.
Nick must've thought it was me, because he didn't move until Viggo shoved into him, and I have never just pushed in, I wouldn't ever do that to him, it hurts too damn much. He cried out in pain and started struggling, and once that happened, I was yelling at Nick to get up, get away, yelling at Viggo to get the fuck off him, but neither happened, and Nick couldn't get free, he was pinned, and Viggo kept shoving into him.
He pinned Nick's hands above his head as he raped him, and all the while I was yelling at Nick, trying to get free from the cuffs, but they were solid steel, and I couldn't do shit. I couldn't do anything but stand there and watch as Viggo raped my Nick. He yelled at Viggo, yelled at me to get away, but I couldn't, and I swear, I will never forget watching Nick struggle against him, no matter how much I want to.
He finally finished, and he slapped him hard, saying something about how "you pretty boys think you can get away with anything", and then he and Nick vanished, and I was still crying for Nick, but he wasn't there, no one was, so I just curled up in a little ball on the floor, as far as I could, since I was still cuffed to the radiator.
I kept hoping it was just a bad dream, that I'd wake up and be safe in Nick's arms, and he'd be safe in mine, but I never woke up, I never found myself in Nick's strong arms, listening to his heartbeat or his breathing, or smelling his shampoo on his hair, or feeling his fingers run over my spine in his sleep. Then the door burst in and I heard voices calling my name and Nick's, but I was completely gone, I had no idea what was going on anymore, I just kept seeing Nick's face as Viggo pushed into him, and I didn't even notice a blanket being wrapped around me as someone lifted me up.
I woke up in Heaven's infirmary, and Claudia and the Brandon's were at my bedside, with Angel Sean. I looked at my hands and saw that I still had my ring, I still had Nick's ring, my wolf's head, and I just looked at Claudia and then at Sean and just broke down crying again.
"It's all my fault," I told them, "Nick's gone because of me, because he loved me and stood up for me, and then I didn't say shit because he threatened to hurt Nick if I did." I cried softly for a minute. "All my fucking fault..."
"Who did this, Chris?"
That was Sean, I'd know that soft voice anywhere, he gave me the courage to actually tell Nick what I was feeling in the first place.
I rolled onto my side, facing away from them and looking out the window.
"Viggo."
I closed my eyes and tried to wish it all away, but it didn't work.
I haven't said a word since.
I just want my wolf back, I want to be his Chris, his birdie, I want my Nick, I want things to be how they were. I don't want to go back to the cabin alone, I don't want to go back at all and see Nick's blood on the bed or the radiator where I was cuffed or sleep in the bed where Viggo forced himself on my Nicky, I can't, I can't, I fucking can't!
I just want my Nick back.
I want us to be safe again.
I'm at Sean and Orli's right now. The Brandon's and Sean and Claudia don't want me to go home, not by myself, and I don't want to go back at all. Not even with Nick. I can't go back there without seeing Viggo on top of my Nick, without hearing Nick yelling, without feeling so empty because I couldn't do anything to help Nick, and it's all my fucking fault because I didn't say a word because Viggo threatened Nick and I don't want him to hurt, but he got hurt anyway and is probably hurting now and --
*breaks down crying again*