My, my... Harsh beginnings here, oh yes. I must say I feel for Georg head-first though! *grin* Ah, this will be very interesting to see. Sorry for not having any constructive to say though. :-P
And thanks for reading and all, if you can think of anything, let me know - even if it's just suggesting a different word here or the sentence structure there, I don't mind!
Finally got to this! It's been open in a tab since you posted it!
I LOVE the opening scene, from the sun's pov. And the language there is gorgeous. Wonderfully done!
He said all of this very fast - He said quickly?
Ohh wow. This is going to be epic! Holy shit. Okay. Their language surprised me, just because of the magic aspect, I think, and then the language was more modern. I liked it, though! It was a nice change from what we expect.
There's a lot of flitting around in this chapter but I think that's as it needs to be. You're introducing the characters, setting them up for their story lines and getting their characterizations down. There's a lot to take in here but I think it still works. Nothing seemed weird, and the things that were not explained were obviously meant to be explained later. And the ending is perfect. Absolutely perfect for a first chapter. I honestly cannot wait to see more of this.
I was trying the 'he said all of this very fast' since I saw Ron say it in Harry Potter lol... I guess it does sound sort of funny now that I think about it.
And Gustav needed that sister, I just didn't realize how much until I started writing after the Prologue. I have big big plans for this :D
The next chapter will be flitty a little too, since it introduces the twins, but hopefully we'll get all the intros over and done with and the story can really begin in chapter three lol
Ooh ty bb <333 I am trying really hard with this one and Steinsgrrl has been helping me beta it a bit in the latest chapter, so it's coming along well! I hope you like the rest of it!
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And thanks for reading and all, if you can think of anything, let me know - even if it's just suggesting a different word here or the sentence structure there, I don't mind!
Reply
I LOVE the opening scene, from the sun's pov. And the language there is gorgeous. Wonderfully done!
He said all of this very fast - He said quickly?
Ohh wow. This is going to be epic! Holy shit. Okay. Their language surprised me, just because of the magic aspect, I think, and then the language was more modern. I liked it, though! It was a nice change from what we expect.
There's a lot of flitting around in this chapter but I think that's as it needs to be. You're introducing the characters, setting them up for their story lines and getting their characterizations down. There's a lot to take in here but I think it still works. Nothing seemed weird, and the things that were not explained were obviously meant to be explained later. And the ending is perfect. Absolutely perfect for a first chapter. I honestly cannot wait to see more of this.
Reply
And Gustav needed that sister, I just didn't realize how much until I started writing after the Prologue. I have big big plans for this :D
The next chapter will be flitty a little too, since it introduces the twins, but hopefully we'll get all the intros over and done with and the story can really begin in chapter three lol
Thanks again for reading and all that jazz <3
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