Invisible Illness Week

[demotu]

From rm and mellacita.

1. The illness I live with is:
Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder

Comments

[mellacita]

Hi Dem. Thanks for posting this. :)

Metallica? Hee. Sorry, the 80s girl in me cracked up to see that.

[demotu]

LOL, whoops. Er. Will fix that.

[demotu]

Also, now you know how I read your name. I have a thing where I know what letters are in a word, but not their order, so when I try to say them out loud I fail.

[mellacita]

Hee. Not a problem. I am used to it. I answer to whatever. My real name is Caryn, like Karen, but in my life I have been called Car-In, Carlyn, Carolyn, Crayon...

For the record, though, it's Mel-ah-SEE-ta.

So how do you pronounce yours? Now I wonder if I do it right!

[itcamefromjapan]

Thank you so much for sharing this. I was diagnosed with AD/HD last spring, and even though I understand intellectually that it's not all in my head (at least not in that sense), that it's not some sort of inherent laziness or failure on my part, it's still so easy for me to slip into that mindset - which, of course, never leads anywhere good

[demotu]

Thank you for sharing this, too. The best thing about speaking up is hearing other people's experiences, I think. I hope mine helped, even a little. This is still all so new to me, but talking about it really helps, since that's how I process.

it's still so easy for me to forget just how real this is, and all of the little ways in which it permeates my life and causes these big, potentially devastating, results

That's such a perfect description. It's an illness that's thrown around in pop culture so casually, which makes it so easy to forget - even when we've been there - that even something that simple can be so all-consuming. I was lucky enough that my brain seems to be built to resist depression (except on the BCP!) but goodness, even with that being true I felt like I was constantly teetering on the edge of disaster.

I'd love to read anything you write about it - do let me know if you do, since I'm not checking my flist as often these days.

[paragraphs]

Great post. You've come such a long way already. Here's to a new semester, and what can happen for you!

My niece is 13, and is on two medications now after a horrendous spring, in and out of the Children's Psychiatric hospital from severe depression, cutting, gosh all sorts of things her parents had no idea about as she covered them up (physically and figuratively) so well. And, she is a fantastic student...no cause to suspect anything at all was so very wrong. It took awhile to figure out exactly how to help her, but now thanks to the two meds she is on, she is a completely different person. Probably saved her life, as she was getting extremely depressed, and worse.

Glad that you finally, FINALLY! figured out what you needed, what was wrong, how to make the changes you had to make. I don't live with an invisible illness, I can't imagine it honestly, but what you write here (and I read RM's also) really touches a person.

[demotu]

Thanks C. *hugs* I'm glad you don't have anything to fight with! Some days I feel the same way, because I got lucky and found medication that was effective pretty quickly.

I think that really is often the case with girls. People joke about us being hypochondriacs, but it seems in terms of mental illness we do a much better of job appearing to function in society "normally" farther into being sick. I think it goes back to the pressure we feel to not disappoint on so many levels, and there's just less acceptable space to be weird or act out or whatever, so we channel it inwards and hide it away. I really hope society continues to move in the direction of accepting and allowing dialogue on mental illnesses, because I do think hearing other people talk honestly about their experiences is the biggest help to those suffering in silence.

[jasmine_rosalee]

I find it really interesting to learn about the disorder and your experiences. It's great that you feel comfortable to share with us :)

I remember once when you were describing your illness and you said as an example of how distracted you'd get that you would have maybe ten things open on your computer and you'd write about half a sentance before being distracted (that's what I remember anyhow). Has that changed now you've been on the medication?

[demotu]

It really, really has. I ended up spending so much time online because it was the only environment that could provide me with constant distractions and enough overwhelming information (that was the weird thing - the faster information was thrown at me, the less anxious I was because my brain had all these things to do) that let me get away from needing to focus. But it sort of got worse with it, because it encouraged all my bad habits and became a safe haven from life.

Now? Well, I've got a new (to me) computer that's a desktop, so I'm no longer carting around my laptop like a safety blanket against boredom, I'm reading far more print and far less fanfiction (though still the good stuff! I don't discriminate) and it doesn't make me antsy to go the whole day without checking my email. And when I start replying to a comment - like this one - or reading an article or story or email, I finish that before clicking on to the next thing. It really is startling, all these things that I just couldn't do before that are suddenly easy

[jasmine_rosalee]

It's good to know that these things are better and easier for you now :)
It's true that lots of people have heard oF the illness, but I don't think everyone knows what it's really like to live with it. Thanks again for sharing!

[doctor_addicted]

Thank you for sharing this in such a detailed and honest manner.
I had been wondering sometimes what it was exactly that seemed to make your life harder and harder on you (but I didn't feel a close-enough friend to warrant an in-depth search of your journal - too intrusive) so this post answered all questions.
I agree that the turning-point was that you asked for assistance when things got too much eventually and I'm very glad for you that life has started to look up now because there's actually good medication you can take.
I'll be thinking of you.