Kink in the plan.
So, I took today off from class thinking to myself: "You know Mike, today would be a good day to do all those things you've been putting off, like..painting your room, or putting a roof wrap under the decking."
"Brilliant!!" I thought.
I should know things are never that easy.
So, we all remember those two raccoons that were hanging around my house awhile back? Those of you familiar with the story will know they managed to get inside the house on several occasions. Eat some of my food, and then depart without even a thankyou. (Sounds like my last date.)
Anyway, this is what I found when I started picking up the deck boards.
Now, this is where Jay is likely saying "Whoo hoo...easy shot!!"
Sadly, I couldn't bring myself to kill them. Yes, I know you're all taken aback. Right? I mean how could I not kill a couple of raccoons after everything else that I've done.
Well, there are several answers for that. Firstly, the mess. I mean, lets face it...there were 5 raccoons. 4 babies, and 1 mother. It would have been a bloodbath. Now, I know that statement is bound to raise some eyebrows. I have, afterall painted myself in other peoples blood on more than one occasion. But this just bothered me for some reason, so..cope.
Secondly...how can you kill something thats just this ...adorable???
So, rather than kill them, I decided to socialize.
I'm not much for idle chit chat with raccoons, so I just resorted to my default and offered them beer.
Sadly all I had was Coors.
I think they were insulted, so they tried to get into the house.
I assumed my sliding door was heavy enough to keep them out.
I was wrong.
Once in, they demanded hard liquor and loose women.
Azrael, seeing this, was incensed. "I haven't been laid in years, and lets not talk about booze. All he does is sit around drinking gin all day, you think he shares?? No way! Now get out of here, or I'll give you pink eye!!"
Fearing infection the raccoons went back outside to relieve their stress by beating each other senseless, and chewing on deck screws.
This went on for a long while before they departed to get play somewhere else.
I spent the rest of the day drinking gin and painting my room.