Move along. There's nothing to see here. These aren't the droids you're looking for.
Am in Vancouver visiting Lindsay. Great times.
Things you should know: A)I just read Microserfs by Douggie Coupland and it, like most of his work, deals with issues like identity in this post-modern area. What it is to be human and whatnot. He's not preachy, just...observant. B) I went to the Vancouver Museum of Art (or whatever the hell it's called) and there was a great exhibit by Kerry James Marshall there dealing with African-American identity. There was some just fantastic breath-taking art there. Wowee. And it seemed like every other exhibit had the word "identity" somewhere in the artist statement. C)While at lunch with Lindsay's classmates, one of them asked me, "Are you a creative-type like Lindsay?" to which I responded, "Yeah... sure". D) I made a Faustian deal with my mother in order to afford Vancouver and it deals with me getting my future more or less lined up or thought about.
So... Basically, I guess you could say that I've been thinking a lot recently on identity and what it is and how exactly I identify myself. And, my extension, how I also want to improve and change myself. "What do I want people to know me as?" has crossed my mind more and more frequently lately. I feel like there's not a lot to me. But yet there's so much more to me.
I mean, what are the things I care about? Isn't that a good way to work out identity? Well, let's see...there's friends, family, pets...and being a big old geek. I mean really, I love my nerd-dom, but it seems a little bit...all consuming at times. Is that all there is? What else is there? I mean I feel like I have a pretty integrated identity. All of the parts make up a coherent whole. But how does one go about changing that? *shrug*
I introduced myself as Deno today to all of Lin's friends. I think I need to start doing that more often. I think I *want* to start doing that more often.
Going back a bit, I really do feel like I am a creative person. I know I have tons of creativity and plenty of imagination. Yet, I don't know how to express it enough, I guess. I mean, that's one reason I love role playing so much: it allows to show that off, either as a player or as a GM. But that's the only thing it's used for/I know how to use it for. But I want to do more than that. I want to paint, or draw, or write, or sing, or do SOMETHING! Expression is never something I've been particularly great at even though I'm terrific at being completely comfortable with myself.
There are things that I cannot change about my identity. And I guess I really don't want to change anything, but rather expand upon it and evolve.
And that's the crux, I guess. I want to evolve. To become something more than what I am now. I need a catalyst for that change though. Maybe I should go back to school. I will go back to school. Not to finish up EAS/Japanese. (I did that, I beat it. I won.) But to... do something with my life. Find a vocation or something. I do still dream of having a game store, but... at this point in my life, that just isn't financially feasible. I can barely take care of myself.
I should get back into music.
Identity. It's pretty interesting to think how identity is made and expressed. Like, I know what my identity is. But I don't always show it all off to other people. Different groups get different sides.
Culinary school? That thought keeps running through my mind periodically. But... I dunno, something about something about something dealing with not wanting to make the things I really like into my career. Somehow that might sully them?
I was just overcome today, compelled eve, after those things I listed up front, to write in this thing again. I know it probably won't be often, but this is what it's here for, right? So I can get something out of myself and argue and discuss with no one in particular.
Identity is how we see ourselves and respond to the world. It is created by our interests and our connections to others and just by existing we are forced to take on certain factors (gender identity, national identity, etc). It's kind of interesting to think about. I dunno. Fuck. I've more or less lost any train of thought that I once had. That's what spinning around in a chair gets ya; dead brain cells.
Well...better sign off before I make a fool of myself. I'll be back if I remember anything more to say. じゃまた。
Deno