They say ''killed''
One year has passed since my dad died.
As far as my friends know, he killed himself in the police's station.
So, I had a "nice"comment today even if I thought that everything what happened in my family was left behind and forgotten. Somehow, it's not. I am still a "bad"daughter who let hers father go to the police station because he "accidentally" broke hers palm.
I am still a girl who some fucktards are blaming for his death. I guess, they imagine that I feel no pain when I think about it. It looks like I didn't cry my heart out when I heard what he did. Well, I can say that now. It was the point which caused my happy stories turn out to the dark ones, which caused me to smile everyday when I am talking but inside my heart I am crying. I can't look at his photos even now. His decision made me emotionless and depressed. I thought about killing myself, I had a lot of the problems with my sleep and functioning. I was like a vegetable after that day.
Even now, I can't go back and be like I was. I can't talk about him because I start to cry. He meant much to me even if he had done so much painful things to me and my mom. I loved him. I miss him. I even need him. So, saying that I killed him, from people who don't know the story is the worst thing. I couldn't go to the police station and kill him. He decided to take his life away by himself. To say the truth, I would be way happier if he was here now. I would be happy for his support or even existence. He is a part of me.
I am hoping that this entry will make you all think about the words which are leaving your much. If you don't know anything - keep your mouth shut because words are the most powerful guns in human being's destruction. Thought, You, my friends, are not like that. I am glad to have you. I am really happy for that even if you are far away.
P.S. Distance is not the biggest problem.
And P.s. ps. The next update in my other lj will be posted on Sunday or Saturday. Please, keep on waiting <3 Love you,
M.