Comments | derailedtrees: Chapter One.

russettedbones in derailedtrees

Chapter One.

Nov 03, 2011 22:40

In which there is entirely too much dialogue, Fero (er, Miratge) gets to play Exposition Fairy, and I use the words 'sharp' and 'cutting' at least four million times each. *headdesk*

... This chapter is going to undergo severe revisions once NaNo is over and I begin the editing process. But in the meantime, enjoy the exposition. 'Cause things ( Read more... )

nanowrimo, drafts

Comments 3

insaneboingo November 4 2011, 06:46:25 UTC

*flails* Okay, so first reactions. I'm not entirely fond of Ansia. She rubs me the wrong was, and I kept thinking of the queen from Kuroshitsuji, except more in control and darker; stronger. Tren may be my favourite character next to Fero/Miratge. He's a feircely loyal, or so we've seen, and he looks like he's going to have a bunch of layers that are revealed over time.

Fero is wonderous. I love how he has they memory operation completely plotted out, and how he explained everything about the City.

OMG the City! A CLOCKWORK CITY! One that is about to run out of time, thus shutting down the entire City and it's inhabitants. That is BRILLIANT, Crescenda! Brilliant! That is such a fantastic imagine, I just love every bit of it.

The whole memory scene reminded me a bit of Inception, but good. Inception left me pretty bored, where this story, I WANT to know what's going to happen. I NEED to know the outcome.

Oh, man. You have got me hooked on this story. ♥

russettedbones November 4 2011, 17:56:37 UTC

Yaay! Sorry I missed your responses yesterday; I totally conked out around 2. XD ( ... )

nonesane November 5 2011, 23:20:10 UTC

This story is my new cocaine. In a good way,

Still loving this, obviously. I too came to think about Inception a little during the whole planning-to-edit-someone's-memory-scene, but that was mostly because of the wording I think (the part where Fero began talking about one of them using one of their memories so they'd know the layout being the trigger point).

As for the exposition, I think you pulled it off well. I wasn't the least bit bored or taken out of the scene.

One thing that did disrupt my reading flow a little was the moment after Fero just had told them "you're all gonna die in 24 hours". There wasn't much reaction from the group, other than a "what's the knight got to do with this?", which felt like a small "jump" in the characters' actions. I would have liked some look into their minds at that point - even if they don't believe him, they'd at least think he was crazy, I assume.

But again, loving this, can't wait for more!