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no subject
Literally, no subject. No thought, no smell, sight or texture that doesn't remind me of somewhere else. Someone else. A person that I used to be. RR is my grounding. Without her I am untethered and spinning haphazard into the trees. -
(Untitled)
When do we care again? Seriously? When do we look at each other with a hint of longing?
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SF Pride
And I'm always walking Mission in my mind. In real life I'm sitting in front of Hulu and a Mindy marathon. A fucking Mindy marathon. Sigh.
How does it all end? With a whimper, right? Or with the slow drain of affection, attention, a-anything. This is what my girl is going to grow up with? Empty threats followed by emptiness? It's just all ( Read more... ) -
Fuck This Fakeness
We Wear the Mask
Sir Lawrence Dunbar
We wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes.
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.
Why should the world be over-wise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
( Read more... ) -
Which way is up?
I don't know what season I am in any more. Surrounded by smoke, the world is brown-grey. It smells like the inside of an aspirin. She has stopped crying. I should be happy for her. At least someone is making her smile again, since I can't. Because I don't know if I can see her through the haze.
Ironically the meth makes me pick my face. And I ( Read more... ) -
Recovery
Step one of alanon should be permission to baby shake your addict. Vicodin is hydroodone is an opiate. Opiates change your brain chemistry over time so that the natural pain blockers/endorphins don't work. The person needs chemical assistance or else they are permanently depressed/fucked.
What has she done to the developing brain of our baby?
I ( Read more... ) -
Beautiful Lies
Lies by omission...not really lies, right? How many times have I justified my own silence? The key to a good omission is not having to fess up. Because then the doing becomes bigger by the expanse of silence. The tumor grows when it's unchecked. In fact...this one has a per diem interest rate.
So how do we bridge this expanse? I'm not sure I ( Read more... ) -
Somebody That I Used to Know
Brilliant. If ever a song was meant to be posted on my LJ, this is the one....
Now and then I think of when we were together,
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die,
Told myself that you were right for me,
But felt so lonely in your company,
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember.
You can get addicted to a certain kind of ( Read more... ) -
Ah Nostalgia
Decided to read some old lj posts the other day. Not really sure why I took the stroll down amnesia lane. Probably brought on by seeing A's new back tats and friend request with Zim-Zimma. Can't help but look back and see how far things have come ( Read more... ) -
Under the Sun
“Nothing new under the sun” I said ( Read more... )