Fan Fic: Because, Baby, I'm A Pirate - pt. 1
Because, Baby, I'm A Pirate pt. 1/?
by Jeremy
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Firefly
Summary: River is trying to fit in, Simon just wants the truth, and Wash just can't catch a break. AU, alternate timeline and moderate slash to come (no smut).
Written for ferretwho for the '08 Wash-A-Thon. She wanted a Wash/Simon or Wash/River, or Wash/Simon/River fic and her requirements for the story are "Staying on Serenity during planetfall, and gifts and toys (of any description)."
She didn't like the dark. It was too full of words with color, and little mice that weren't there. Scurrying little feet, with names like purple spotted Thumb and misty white One. But it was the easiest to hide in, to survive in, and even on a ship with friends she was still on a ship with thieves. And so, to become a thief herself was inevitable.
"Scurry scurry, little mice," River whispered to the dark, watching the waterfall of sounds bounce across the room, giving her a sense of the area around her. "Find the prize that I desire."
She tip toed over the flightsuit sprawled about the floor and around the sleeping mustached man, letting her fingers walk along the wall as she moved toward the back where the cabinet sat. Without nary a creak River pulled the door open with one hand, and danced the other across the shelf.
"Hurry hurry, little mice." She whispered as her hand swept across the wood. "We must whisk away on leaves of love." And on that she found her prize.
----------
"Tadame! Who in the gorram hell keeps stealing my stuff?" Wash rummaged through his cabinet trying to find his missing box of tea bags. It first started with a pencil and moved on to a boot. Just one boot! Who in their right mind steals just one boot?
Well, everyone knew who was out of her mind enough to steal just one boot, and if Wash had ever mentioned anything at all to his shipmates about it the problem would certainly have been rectified by now. That's if they cared enough to do anything-- one thing Wash was certain of, it was that nobody particularly cared too much about him, save Kaylee (though she hardly counts). But fair was fair, and even on a ship of thieves petty theft is a no-no. Only, as irritating as it might be, Wash didn't have it in him to be 'that guy' anymore than he already was.
He just wanted his morning tea before planetfall, and now that'd been taken away from him.
With a huff he slammed the cabinet door shut. A well of ink he'd forgotten was left precariously perched atop the cabinet suddenly reminded Wash of its existence by throwing itself, lid open, down the front of his bare chest. He jumped back with a yelp and quickly tried to wipe the ink away. Suddenly realizing just, exactly, what ink is known for he paused to look at his dripping blue hands, his now very blue abdomen and shorts, and let out a groan. After a minor flailing tantrum he stripped his shorts, using it to clean himself as much as he could, before wrapping himself in an expendable sheet and hurrying out to try and shower off before the sleep cycle was officially over.
It should have been a simple dash to the showers, but 'simple' was not the life for those who chose to board Serenity.
Mal's voice rang out as Wash hurried past the common room. "Morning, sunsh--" Both men paused, Mal with a spoonful of meal poised at his mouth from, Wash mid-gait. "Blue?"
Wash turned to see the whole of the crew standing about the kitchen, readying themselves for the day-- or at least were readying themselves, but were now watching the nearly-naked blue pilot. Seems the sleep cycle ended earlier than usual.
Inside, Wash was still running. Running right into the airlock, pressing the big red "EJECT" button he'd designed for it in his mind and enjoying a nice peaceful death floating through black. In reality he just stood there, frozen.
"Hello," he heard himself say before realizing it. He felt himself smirk, but wasn't sure exactly why.
Nobody moved for a beat, then as if nothing was out of the ordinary continued getting things set for planetfall. "Where you goin' off to, all dolled up like that?" Mal asked with a mouthful of meal.
Wash raised his hand to motion, felt his sheet start to drop and quickly grabbed it again. He laughed, trying to play it cool. "I was, uh, gonna go try and clean up."
Mal nodded and went to scoop another spoonful, then sadly realizing there was none left put the bowl on the table. "Mind telling me what happened?"
Wash considered telling him about the thievery going on, but after deciding the two things were pretty unconnected and would make him sound insane opted instead to say "My ink decided it had led a long enough life and tried throwing itself off my cabinet. I tried to save it, but--"
"Wash, we're about to go rockside." Mal interrupted, exasperated. "It takes the whole crew to do this, that's why we're all up early. But, really, there is one piece missing from this cog that is my ship. One very important thing we need to steer this little vessel down onto that rock and make sure we don't all explode while doing it." He was speaking to Wash as if he were a child, making simple hand motions to punctuate key words and phrases. "Now," Mal continued. "Can you, Hoban Washburn, tell me what key element we're missing in this little puzzle?"
Wash ignored the amused look on the faces of the crew and ducked his head a bit. "A pilot, I imagine."
Mal patted him on his head and smiled. "Good work, flyboy. Now I suggest you forgo your shower until a more timely moment arrives, put some clothes on, and make sure we don't explode today; dong ma?"
Wash nodded, "That was plan B." He said. When Mal didn't change his expression he knew he'd overstayed his welcome right then, and made his way back to his bunk to change out of this sheet and into his flight suit.
Once Wash was mostly out of ear shot Jayne lifted a box and leaned into Zoe, "Anyone else notice his hoo-ha was hanging out the whole time?"
"And blue." Kaylee snickered.
----------
It was all a lie, every bit of it. If there was one thing Simon did not like was being lied to. It wasn't so much the lie itself that irked him, but the lack of truth. The discovery of fundamental flaws in the way you perceived things, and the lengths the liar had gone to make it that way. Even on small lies. I just seemed impossibly wrong.
And so when Simon asked his sister, "Where did you get those tea bags, River?" He braced himself.
She didn't respond right away, instead opting to continue analyzing the pores in the paper that held the leaves, letting the whole thing spin by its string as she did. She cocked her head to the side and looked it up and down again.
Simon wasn't sure why she was acting this strange, even more peculiar than most times. He knew that she'd seen tea bags before, that she'd used them, ignored them. But long ago he'd given up trying to figure out what was going on in her head.
He cleared his throat and tried to get her attention again. "River, wha--" he flinched when she shoved the bag of tea in her mouth. She sat there for a moment, unfazed, a curious look on her face. Then her face screwed up in disgust and she abruptly spit it out, and continued staring at it.
"I don't understand it." She cried, smacking her tongue in her mouth in disgust. "It's just leaf soup, only leaf soup. You put it in water and dilute it, make it taste good with sugar and cream, but when you taste the leaves themselves it's gross."
Simon sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Yes, River. That's why you put it in the water, to make it taste good." She shook her head and made another face. Simon pressed on. "So, River... Where did you--"
"I stole them." She offered. Simon paused, taken aback.
"Stole?"
River looked up into his eyes and gave him the best 'duh' face she could muster. She leaned forward and took the tea bag again, and placed it in the box it came from.
He paused for a moment, and decided to test the waters. "What that pencil you left under my pillow the other night?"
"Stole it."
"And the boot you tied above my door."
She rolled her eyes, reminding Simon of a teenager he never got to see her be.
"Why'd you steal it? And who from?" He was anxious by now, hoping to finally beat back the lies and maybe even rectify the problem. The boot did look awfully familiar.
She stood up and sharply poised herself in a way reminiscent of the ocean marauders from the stories of Earth That Was. "I'm a thief, like the rest. A pirate. A plunderer!" She listed on as she walked out the door, leaving Simon on his bed stunned. The girl had changed so much so quickly, and it was hard to see when the changes began. When he first found her she wouldn't dare peep a word without breaking into sobs. Now here she was, maturing (albeit in an immature way) and he didn't know what to make of it. He was stunned.
River popped back through the door suddenly, making Simon jump a bit. "Better strap in, we're going down." She smirked, and the ship jolted.
by Jeremy
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Firefly
Summary: River is trying to fit in, Simon just wants the truth, and Wash just can't catch a break. AU, alternate timeline and moderate slash to come (no smut).
Written for ferretwho for the '08 Wash-A-Thon. She wanted a Wash/Simon or Wash/River, or Wash/Simon/River fic and her requirements for the story are "Staying on Serenity during planetfall, and gifts and toys (of any description)."
She didn't like the dark. It was too full of words with color, and little mice that weren't there. Scurrying little feet, with names like purple spotted Thumb and misty white One. But it was the easiest to hide in, to survive in, and even on a ship with friends she was still on a ship with thieves. And so, to become a thief herself was inevitable.
"Scurry scurry, little mice," River whispered to the dark, watching the waterfall of sounds bounce across the room, giving her a sense of the area around her. "Find the prize that I desire."
She tip toed over the flightsuit sprawled about the floor and around the sleeping mustached man, letting her fingers walk along the wall as she moved toward the back where the cabinet sat. Without nary a creak River pulled the door open with one hand, and danced the other across the shelf.
"Hurry hurry, little mice." She whispered as her hand swept across the wood. "We must whisk away on leaves of love." And on that she found her prize.
----------
"Tadame! Who in the gorram hell keeps stealing my stuff?" Wash rummaged through his cabinet trying to find his missing box of tea bags. It first started with a pencil and moved on to a boot. Just one boot! Who in their right mind steals just one boot?
Well, everyone knew who was out of her mind enough to steal just one boot, and if Wash had ever mentioned anything at all to his shipmates about it the problem would certainly have been rectified by now. That's if they cared enough to do anything-- one thing Wash was certain of, it was that nobody particularly cared too much about him, save Kaylee (though she hardly counts). But fair was fair, and even on a ship of thieves petty theft is a no-no. Only, as irritating as it might be, Wash didn't have it in him to be 'that guy' anymore than he already was.
He just wanted his morning tea before planetfall, and now that'd been taken away from him.
With a huff he slammed the cabinet door shut. A well of ink he'd forgotten was left precariously perched atop the cabinet suddenly reminded Wash of its existence by throwing itself, lid open, down the front of his bare chest. He jumped back with a yelp and quickly tried to wipe the ink away. Suddenly realizing just, exactly, what ink is known for he paused to look at his dripping blue hands, his now very blue abdomen and shorts, and let out a groan. After a minor flailing tantrum he stripped his shorts, using it to clean himself as much as he could, before wrapping himself in an expendable sheet and hurrying out to try and shower off before the sleep cycle was officially over.
It should have been a simple dash to the showers, but 'simple' was not the life for those who chose to board Serenity.
Mal's voice rang out as Wash hurried past the common room. "Morning, sunsh--" Both men paused, Mal with a spoonful of meal poised at his mouth from, Wash mid-gait. "Blue?"
Wash turned to see the whole of the crew standing about the kitchen, readying themselves for the day-- or at least were readying themselves, but were now watching the nearly-naked blue pilot. Seems the sleep cycle ended earlier than usual.
Inside, Wash was still running. Running right into the airlock, pressing the big red "EJECT" button he'd designed for it in his mind and enjoying a nice peaceful death floating through black. In reality he just stood there, frozen.
"Hello," he heard himself say before realizing it. He felt himself smirk, but wasn't sure exactly why.
Nobody moved for a beat, then as if nothing was out of the ordinary continued getting things set for planetfall. "Where you goin' off to, all dolled up like that?" Mal asked with a mouthful of meal.
Wash raised his hand to motion, felt his sheet start to drop and quickly grabbed it again. He laughed, trying to play it cool. "I was, uh, gonna go try and clean up."
Mal nodded and went to scoop another spoonful, then sadly realizing there was none left put the bowl on the table. "Mind telling me what happened?"
Wash considered telling him about the thievery going on, but after deciding the two things were pretty unconnected and would make him sound insane opted instead to say "My ink decided it had led a long enough life and tried throwing itself off my cabinet. I tried to save it, but--"
"Wash, we're about to go rockside." Mal interrupted, exasperated. "It takes the whole crew to do this, that's why we're all up early. But, really, there is one piece missing from this cog that is my ship. One very important thing we need to steer this little vessel down onto that rock and make sure we don't all explode while doing it." He was speaking to Wash as if he were a child, making simple hand motions to punctuate key words and phrases. "Now," Mal continued. "Can you, Hoban Washburn, tell me what key element we're missing in this little puzzle?"
Wash ignored the amused look on the faces of the crew and ducked his head a bit. "A pilot, I imagine."
Mal patted him on his head and smiled. "Good work, flyboy. Now I suggest you forgo your shower until a more timely moment arrives, put some clothes on, and make sure we don't explode today; dong ma?"
Wash nodded, "That was plan B." He said. When Mal didn't change his expression he knew he'd overstayed his welcome right then, and made his way back to his bunk to change out of this sheet and into his flight suit.
Once Wash was mostly out of ear shot Jayne lifted a box and leaned into Zoe, "Anyone else notice his hoo-ha was hanging out the whole time?"
"And blue." Kaylee snickered.
----------
It was all a lie, every bit of it. If there was one thing Simon did not like was being lied to. It wasn't so much the lie itself that irked him, but the lack of truth. The discovery of fundamental flaws in the way you perceived things, and the lengths the liar had gone to make it that way. Even on small lies. I just seemed impossibly wrong.
And so when Simon asked his sister, "Where did you get those tea bags, River?" He braced himself.
She didn't respond right away, instead opting to continue analyzing the pores in the paper that held the leaves, letting the whole thing spin by its string as she did. She cocked her head to the side and looked it up and down again.
Simon wasn't sure why she was acting this strange, even more peculiar than most times. He knew that she'd seen tea bags before, that she'd used them, ignored them. But long ago he'd given up trying to figure out what was going on in her head.
He cleared his throat and tried to get her attention again. "River, wha--" he flinched when she shoved the bag of tea in her mouth. She sat there for a moment, unfazed, a curious look on her face. Then her face screwed up in disgust and she abruptly spit it out, and continued staring at it.
"I don't understand it." She cried, smacking her tongue in her mouth in disgust. "It's just leaf soup, only leaf soup. You put it in water and dilute it, make it taste good with sugar and cream, but when you taste the leaves themselves it's gross."
Simon sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Yes, River. That's why you put it in the water, to make it taste good." She shook her head and made another face. Simon pressed on. "So, River... Where did you--"
"I stole them." She offered. Simon paused, taken aback.
"Stole?"
River looked up into his eyes and gave him the best 'duh' face she could muster. She leaned forward and took the tea bag again, and placed it in the box it came from.
He paused for a moment, and decided to test the waters. "What that pencil you left under my pillow the other night?"
"Stole it."
"And the boot you tied above my door."
She rolled her eyes, reminding Simon of a teenager he never got to see her be.
"Why'd you steal it? And who from?" He was anxious by now, hoping to finally beat back the lies and maybe even rectify the problem. The boot did look awfully familiar.
She stood up and sharply poised herself in a way reminiscent of the ocean marauders from the stories of Earth That Was. "I'm a thief, like the rest. A pirate. A plunderer!" She listed on as she walked out the door, leaving Simon on his bed stunned. The girl had changed so much so quickly, and it was hard to see when the changes began. When he first found her she wouldn't dare peep a word without breaking into sobs. Now here she was, maturing (albeit in an immature way) and he didn't know what to make of it. He was stunned.
River popped back through the door suddenly, making Simon jump a bit. "Better strap in, we're going down." She smirked, and the ship jolted.