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[derivatizing]

I don't have much to say lately, so why don't you

Tell me something. Post it anonymously. A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love: anything you want. Something about you, something about me, anything at all.

Be sure to post honestly. Post as many times as you want.

Comments

[anonymous]

I've seen lots of my friends talk about falling out of fandoms/roleplaying/etc and it makes me really sad.

Not for them, because that's their choice and they should do what's best for them, but more for me? Because I'm not feeling that way at all, and I don't see me feeling that way in the foreseeable future. It makes me a little nervous seeing people my age start to 'grow up' as they've put it when I'm not feeling the same way. It makes me feel like I'm...wrong, I guess, for still enjoying roleplaying.

But then, this is the anon who is in high school and still trick-or-treating, so. Who knows. :|a

[derivatizing]

Well, I think there's a couple of things. I think it kind of goes in these awkward waves, and I really feel like I was on the tail-end of the last one? So there will always be people for you to chill with.

The next thing is that I know a lot of people in their twenties still doing this, so it's not like, turn 18, lose rp! But I definitely think there's an element of kind of waves of people. They overlap, like generations I guess, my wave will mingle with yours but eventually we'll all hit the shore.

And you're definitely not wrong for it. If you enjoy it then you enjoy it and that sounds pretty right to me.

[anonymous]

I find that wave example oddly cute. I think you're right, there's always going to be someone I can be all LOL DORK DORK with, regardless of age.

Yeah, I know that if I love doing it I shouldn't stop because other people are. I guess I just have this fear of at the end being the only one still doing it. But this is silly and passes quickly, so I guess I'm just being overly-sensitive today.

[derivatizing]

We all have days like that, and it's hard when it seems like your friends are moving on without you. I mean the same is true in highschool when you have a bunch of senior friends and they all leave - or when you're a senior and all your friends are going to the East Coast. But you'll make more friends. It'll all work out.

[anonymous]

It doesn't feel very good.

Rejection was once my greatest fear, but the terror loses its edge once a person is drenched in it. Now it's just a nervous twitch.

I spend most of my days now lying face down in bed. If I try to pull myself up, I'll be pushed right back down. I'm suffocating in the sheets, and I'm not sure whether I want to let it happen or not.

My head hurts. Like there's a hole in my forehead and someone's been slowly scraping my brains out with a dull fork. The prongs grind against my skull as they pass. My spine is cold and my throat is itchy. Can't scratch, can't scratch.

Everything smells the same.

[derivatizing]

The pain you're feeling is very real. It sounds consuming, and horrible, but I promise it's not the end. I'd like to say platitudes about how you shouldn't have to deal with it or that it's wrong for you to have to feel that way, but lets be honest with one another, that isn't going to change anything

[anonymous]

No, that's not what I meant. It doesn't have anything to do with romance. There's more claustrophobia in emptiness here.

[derivatizing]

Ah.

Friendship, then?

[anonymous]

;^;

[derivatizing]

What's with the long face, anon?

[anonymous]

How do you deal with a friend who is sweet, caring but manages to say some very hurtful things?

She calls me "onee-chan" and then tells me that she calls my ex-friend "ane-ue" (extremely honorable and respectful way of saying "big sister") and bothers to show me a ranking of the honorifics.

She worriedly lets me know that she might not make it to an event and mentions off hand that a mutual friend of ours wouldn't come if she couldn't. What am I, chopped liver then?

I think I need to grow a thicker skin. But her comments make me feel like I'm being ranked and the bonds and intimacy of friendship shoved right into my face.

Gods above and below, I need to get over myself.

[derivatizing]

That's really an unfortunate situation, but you don't need to get over yourself. I mean, that's not fair of her at all and anyone would be feeling the same way as her. Why don't you bring up the honorifics and ask her about it yourself? I know it's hard, but it's good to make things clear between the two of you.

[anonymous]

Eh, now it's water off a duck's back.

She really, genuinely doesn't mean to hurt me. She's young, a little indelicate with her words. And I don't see any point in pushing and only consolidating this whole internal friends ranking thing.

[anonymous]

i don't even know why i cry anymore.

[derivatizing]

Sometimes I feel that way too, but sometimes we just need to cry, for reasons we don't understand. I hope everything gets better soon, anon.