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[derivatizing]

I have moved plurks to luftballons! Follow me if you'd like.

Also,

Tell me something. Post it anonymously. A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love: anything you want. Something about you, something about me, anything at all.

Be sure to post honestly. Post as many times as you want.

Comments

[anonymous]

You are my sunshine

[derivatizing]

wow it's the sunshine anon again (unsure)!!!!!!]

i mean

you make me happy when skies are gray

[anonymous]

omg

you totally skipped a line

you can't sit with us.

[derivatizing]

oh sorry

this song isn't underground enough for my tastes, bro

[anonymous]

ever since i managed to lose the last friends i had in town, i feel like i'm just going to lose everyone else i care about, and i'm terrified. i seem determined to push everyone else away before i lose them too, including my two closest friends. i feel like i'm just pushing everyone away and it really hurts. but at the same time, i'm angry all the time for the stupidest things, and i can't control myself.

i'm just scared i'm going to end up lonely and with no one to trust again, and i hate myself for doing this to myself in the first place.

[derivatizing]

Well, pushing them away ultimately accomplishes losing them. It's just a question of who is doing it, yeah.

The thing is though, people are less definite than lost or not lost most of the time. I mean, I don't know your certain situation, obviously, but I always tend to think things with my friends are a much bigger deal than it turns out to people. Relationships need to go through awkward periods sometimes. That doesn't make it fun, but it's just one of those things.

Still, if you think that's the case you you will make new friends eventually. At first it'll be hard, but people need to be able to trust other people. It's instinctual. It may be awhile but you'll get back into it, no problem. Besides, if you're capable of trusting your internet buddies, you're capable of trusting town buddies. It's the same emotional experience.

On another note, I definitely understand being angry all the time about little things. Are you really stressed about some other situation, too?

[anonymous]

There is this thing that I happen to do sometimes where I change greatly all at once. I know everyone changes slowly, but for me it is sometimes a big process all at once. Something induces it, and I go blank, so to speak, and then when I'm "rebuilding" myself, I can change details about my personality and how I handle things. I can choose traits I want to keep or discard. Usually this works out well (although sometimes there are consequences to choosing traits of which I do not fully anticipate the repercussions) and I believe I have some untouchable base, but... it's strange

[derivatizing]

Hey, let me just start out by saying this? This is all okay. In fact, it's probably better for you. This is an experience you can grow from

[anonymous]

Perhaps we could discuss... but it would have to be over AIM, or something... LJ is a little slow for that.

... Problem is, I rather like being in control of myself. It is one of my primary qualities. I am... a product of my own creation. I just manage to take this to an... unusual extreme?

It's weird. I guess. It's normal to me, but lately, I've found out a lot of things I thought were common are actually not at all common at all.

[derivatizing]

I understand! I'm luvlynski on aim. I won't be around until later in the evening PST time but I'm happy to listen.

I think you're right though, it's an unusual extreme, but I think not being in control is part of how we grow as people.

[anonymous]

I feel so fat.

[derivatizing]

Me too, anon. I wish I knew what to tell you.