anyone who saw it knew
I don't know what I'm supposed to say here. Firs off, it's really obvious why the Dalmascans originally lost the war since BOOTY SHORTS AND A BELLY SHIRT ARE NOT PROPER WARFARE ATIRE. IM LOOKING AT YOU REKS.
For the record, I'm at the part where we have to walk for like, a hundred more years- this time through the marches. Also- This might be like how I loved the 'draw' system, but I am ALL ABOUT LICENSES. fjhkdf and Gambits, because it's super convenient to let the game play for me while I make dinner.
A WHO'S WHO IN THIS MYRAID OF PSEUDO-INTELLECTUAL BABBLE DISGUISED AS A VIDEO GAME;
VAAN: okay so. I didn't play FFX, but as far as I can tell, 7 and 8 basically started with BAD THINGS happening to Cloud and Squall. hell, even in 9, Zidane's buddy was frozen. So how come in 12, we so conveniently are forced into being a sky pirate with THE COOLEST PEOPLE VAAN'S EVER MET. This game reminds me of a kid who got to tag along for a great adventure, rather than a kid being suckered into saving the world. Then again, I'm not even that far yet, so. Also- WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR ABDOMINAL MUSLCES?
ASHE: whine whine whine bitch bitch bitch. And are....Are Vaan and Ashe going to hook up? I mean, wouldn't it be a lot like FFX? She's also like the biggest bitch I've ever seen. I love that Vaan calls her out on it, too- "SHH YOU'RE GONNA GET US ALL KILLED WHORE." She's also older than him. I don't know if that's a Final Fantasy Faux Pas or what, but who knows. I ALSO SORT OF HOPE PENELO DIES SO I DON'T HAVE TO BANG HER.....
CAPT. BASCH VON ROSENBERG (OR AS I LIKE TO CALL HIM, THE WANDERING JEW): After his (very confusing) explanation of what happened the night the king died, the best reaction was Baltheir's drawn out pause. "..... A twin brother?" yeah right. I don't trust you as far as I can throw you. And I don’t know if you've seen the character design on our 17 year old protagonist, but with those arms? It's pretty fucking far. Get your ass back to the shtetl.
BALTHIER: He must be from another country!! Look at all that clothes!! All his stupid remarks about Fran and trying to be clever are so sickening and pathetic. But yeah I think he's my favorite character, bad hair or not. I love how he gets weirdly agitated about the Draklor Labs. Like, what is going on with you? Fran could tell me, but I wouldn't understand with her fucking accent. fjdsfd Vaan would like to know, sky pirates, where you hail from. BECAUSE YOUR VOICES MAKE NO SENSE.
FRAN: Her dub is the reason I had to turn on the subtitles. "nmfdsnfmdsf MIST dmnfsdkjhsdf SHOULD LEAVE fhjdsfnsfkkj hardon." I keep hoping we'll go somewhere cold and she'll have to wear clothes. nnnggghh
PENELO: During every explanation scene it's clear Vaan is dozing off because he knows Penelo will give him a debriefing later. and he won't need to listen to everyone's shitty medieval speech. TALK PLAINLY PLEASE. Also- Penelo does not impress me. She's like that friend that shows up to quash everyone's bad time. Also, why are you still with us? The sky pirate is 'forcing' Vaan into working with him and Fran. Go... help Bill Cosby Migelo.
REKS: ....... is he really dead.... i mean that weird dream with the white room... and the flowers..... DON'T TELL ME
VOSSLER: I HATE YOU SO MUCH, MY MOST FAVORITE GUEST :(((( ps; Basch/Vossler makes me throw up.
LARSA: Oh, I'm so glad my shota boyfriend showed up. I was getting worried I might actually not care about this game if there wasn't child rape.
VAYNE: Most likely not the real enemy but I HATE YOU SO BAD AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY.
In conclusion, I have no idea.