reading your reactions took my entire fucking life
- As soon as we found out Tonks and Lupin got married we knew they were both F'ed in the A. well Lupin was obviously, nightly. This is a bad way to start.
- Harry: Oh, Sirius's mirror...................... =; whatevs, that was like forever ago :((((( DUMBLEDORE
- Parts Where Jackie wept a little #1: "I don't think you're a waste of space". Because like, yeah he hassled Harry all to hell and back and Harry HATES him, but they did grow up like brothers for the first 11 years of their lives. And while Petunia and Vernon can straight up hate Harry for being young and magical, Dudley and Harry are the same age. oh and Harry saved your life, you fat sloppy man.
- Okay, Voldemort can fly did not surprise me until the Order was like Deeply Concerned. What the hell, you guys are wizards. You could tell me V Mort breathes under water and I wouldn't bat an eyelash EDIT: WAIT WIZARDS CAN DO THAT.
- I know Double D told Snape to make it believable when they chased the 7 Harry's, but he SECTUMSEPRA'D AT GEORGE'S FUCKING HEAD. uhhhhh how would you explain away decapitation? Snape is such a dickass, even if he was good he did not give evidence of it......... ever
- Moody dying sucked. I mean, I didn't feel bad, because the Moody we knew (Barty crouch Jr aka THE DOCTOR!!) died a while ago and was evil. But I knew we were in trouble with the Wizarding World's version of like Man VS. Wild died. You know when he got tossed in that trunk for the whole school year Moody was like "COME ON CROUCH. WHY DON'T YOU TOSS SOME TIGERS DOWN HERE AND MAKE IT A BIT OF A CHALLENGE." fjkhsdf crouch is like double locking his office :-s Dumbledore finds him and is like "Don't worry Alastor, we'll get you out" "DON'T BOTHER YOU PANSY. I COULD STAY DOWN HERE ALL YEAR." rip, buddy. all for you, mordecai
- God, Viktor is so badass and that wedding shit is all he gets? I was so hoping mid battle the Durmstrang boat would pop out of the lake and bombard the deatheaters with cannons. Actually that might of happened, I didn't read the final battle very throughly.
- Sirius's room like, tore me apart. I guess I had always steeled myself to the idea that his fam would have just took everything down or burned it up, but man oh man. I'm in love with Grimmauld anyway but HE HAS BIKINI PICTURES! Also how did he have a letter from Lily in his room? Let's timeline this. He got kicked out at 16, bought an apartment with Alphard's gold. Went to jail at 20 when Lily and James died. Got out uh 33 ish and went to Grimmauld. WHERE WOULD THAT LETTER HAVE GONE FROM APARTMENT TO GRIMMAULD? fjhsd uh the dementors i doubt hold like sentimental belongings. and the ministry obviously seized all his posessions after the arrest. Maybe they sent them to the house uhhhhh why didn't mom destroy that? fjhsdf I am a stickler for mwpp-era details, because i don't fucking care about the trio.
- Okay, back to the letter I loved that Harry was like OMG WHY WOULD DUMBLEDORE TAKE AWAY MY DAD'S INVIS CLOAK. THERE MUST BE SOMETHING AFOOT. uh no harry. Let me tell you how this scene went. DD calls the Longbottoms and the Potters into his office. "We have information the four of you are being targetted. Alice, frank. I know as Aurors you will take the necessary precautions to stay hidden. Lily, you know how dire it is that your family is kept secret and safe. James.... empty your pockets." "AW MAN!!!"
- Regulus + Zombies + Shit. uh also we never explained how Regulus figured out it was a horcrux... like... Kreacher didn't know....... the only fact Reg had was House elf drinks Cup, touches Necklace, gets sick. Somehow he connects this to Horcruxes and becomes noble. fhskjdf I CAN'T BELIEVE SIRIUS' BROTHER GOT LIKE RAPED BY ZOMBIES. life sucks to be a Black.
- Lupin's rage blackout = the funniest fucking thing i've ever read- though Thewlis barely has enough hair to tug on. He kicks the chair!! You can see the trio like slowly backing away from the table. He says Andi and Ted are disusted by him? YEAH!! CAUSE YOU USED TO BABYSIT DORA, YOU FAT FAG. God god. Lupin is the sole source of hilarity in this book. When he's asking to come on the Magical Mystery Tour with the Trio and Hermione asks after Tonks "What about her?" GODDDD HILARIOUS!!!
- MORE FUNTIME WITH REMUS BEING RETARDED-- The Minister is coming to Harry's Birthday party! Lupin and Tonks ran away so fast they JUMPED OVER THE FENCE. Lupin is somehow gayer and more hilarious in marriage than he was in life- i mean singlehood (gayness?) God I just imagine Tonks like batting her eyelashes at Lupin in Grimmauld and Sirius like shifting in his seat. "UGH. MOONY. HIT THAT." "Don't be ridiculous Sirius." "If you don't, I will."
- Camping is so intensely sad. Maybe because I loved Grimmauld and I wanted to go home :(( also uh I dn't ship it but Ron and Harry are the gayest friends ever.
- crying #2: The encouraging notes on the memorial sign to James and Lily.
- I was so sure the thief was Ludo. uh that makes no sense but i mean BLOND AND FLYING. THE ONLY THING THAT THREW ME OFF WAS "HANDSOME" (WTF IS TAMAKI DOING HERE?)
- BELLATRIX HAD A FUCKING KNIFE!!!!!!!!
- D-Did Peter die? I wasn't paying attention? This is about where i stopped reading and just started like flipping the pages aimlessly
- Lupin's radio shoutouts. uh and IT IS I REMUS LUPIN. I'm pretty sure he wants to die at this point.
- The Hufflepuff cup is in Gringotts? We're not gonna ever talk about that it belongs to Zacharias's family? God, I hate being wrong all the time. And where did that dragon come from?
- THE BIG MG. hahahha i love that we are throwing around Unforgivables like it is nothing. And that MG getting spat on made a more powerful Crucio than SIRIUS GETTING KILLED BY BELLATRIX. okay.
- Snape flies away out the window. "Unlike Dumbledore he had a wand." HAHAHAHHAHAHA
- I am actually pretty annoyed that JKR never redeems the Slytherins. She makes a point to say they all ditched the school during the attack, that they were all related to the DEs and that the only use would have been to hold them hostage. Now I'm not a slytherin candidate at all but uh as hufflepuff I know that the houses shouldn't be SEGREGATED INTO STEREOTYPES. but apparently all slytherins = evil, except for Malfoy who is just useless.
- What the hell did Fred die of? Was it a spell or like was he crushed by rocks? I read those parts at lightspeed.
- F'ed in A. rip marauders.
- Okay, the Prince's Tale. I'm actually.. not mad? Like I'm not happy, but I'm not angry. As soon as Snape (WHO GOT BIT IN THE NECK BY A GIANT SNAKE HAHAHA GET READY ALAN RICKMAN) looked at Harry when he died ugh you knew what was coming. But I guess I really like it for two reasons. One is uh I love mwpp era shit, even with Saint Lily and Snivellus. Also that when Snape went to Dumledore and DD wasn't like aww let me help, but actually pointed out that Snape was disgusting and slimy for only wanting to save her and not James or the baby. And god hunched over and crying "You were supposed to protect her." It also FINALLY clears up the Snape's Worst Memory chapter. It was always weird that a Deatheater- especially a "reformed" one 's worst memory was being teased as a kid. But now we know it wasn't the teasing that made it bad, but that his being cold to Lily ended his longest and only friendship and essentially lost Lily to James forever. HARSH. secondly, it adds another layer why James would target Snape-- he knew he and Lily were close from the beginning, ergo JEALOUSY. And okay, I might be making this up, but in Book 1 or so doesnt Petunia rail on Lily and says she was always home at break doing magic and mentions that boy. I guess we all assumed it was James, but a) why not say Your Father if she's talking to harry, and b) DOES SHE MEAN SNAPE?
- Lavender is a werewolf (?)
- Okay, the King's cross chapter was too talky and 8-| DDore, you are dead, I don't care that muggles raped your 6 year old sister. But what I thought was interesting is that the place was King's Cross. Now, I didn't read these books so much as glanced at the pages for names, but did they ever explain WHY Harry saw King's Cross? I just assumed it was because that was the place where Harry's life changed? I mean you could argue it was the hut where Hagrid found them and told them he was a wizard. But King's Cross was a place he had been to, but he had never travelled from it, and choosing to follow some unknown giant a school he'd never heard of before is what essentially changed Harry's life. If he hadn't gone on the train he wouldn't have been forced into the situations he was in, and he would never had to make the decision to die for the wizrading world if he had never gone to Hogwarts and accepted his uh wizardom. Which then makes me think if this uh Purgatory place existed for other characters it would change occording to their lives. Easy enough- Sirius's would probably have been the Sorting Hat. The book put a lot into free will when it comes to being sorted. If Sirius hadn't gone into Gryffindor he wouldn't have BFF'd with James, joined the Order, gone to Azkaban, died at the Ministry. If he had gone to slytherin with the rest of his fam he might not have become a DE, but he certainly wouldn't have been friends with James, and would therefore have never met Harry. So by choosing not to be in Slytherin, it was essentially a point that shaped the events of the rest of his life, like how Harry got on the Hogwarts Express at Kings Cross. hfksdfs I am making stuff up.
- OKAY BELLATRIX IS TOO SCARY/CRAZY/IMPORTANT TO DIE FROM MOLLY. maybe because i am a sirius-sympathizer or because she is a fucking wet blanket, but I hated Molly okay. Yeah, I hated your mom, fandom. I hope neville was like :/ Dick move, ma'am.
- crying part #3: When Harry was like oh, I guess I have to die. Even before he called up the pity party of ghosts, I burst into like, convulsing sobs and like couldn't stop okay. I was so sure that kind of thing WOULDN'T HAPPEN no matter how awful the war had got, but it was so terrible and tough and I couldn't bear thinking everything we'd done until now was just to watch Harry die. uh then i got better and laughed when Sirius was like HAR HAR EASIER THAN FALLING ASLEEP. uhhh sirius where have you been. Him not getting revived (shut up) was like getting kicked in the godfather.
- I'm glad The Deathly Hallows only had about 5% to do with the actual plotline. I still don't really care about it. I do like that uh Harry had one for the whole time and none of us knew it was special. Like maybe when DDore gave it to Harry he could have added "PS DON'T LOSE THIS". Oh shit and wrong again, Dumbledore did have a reason for taking James's cloak. Why? because he was a FUCKING THIEF. Someday I will write a huge post about how James is actually a great guy and you are all going to be sorry.
- IMPORTANT WAND USE LESSONS DURING A BATTLE. I love how ollivander says wands are really complicated magic and jkr is like nono, Harry can simplify...... When they started to expain how the wand didn't belong to Voldemort I thought OH IT BELONGS TO NAGINI BECAUSE SHE IS WHAT KILLED SNAPE...... always wrong. ugh who cares hahha VMORT died from being disarmed. that sucks.
- EPILOGUE TIME Harry, it's okay to hate Snape still. I mean, yeah he loved your mom but he was A JACKASS. wanting to bone lily does not a saint make. JKR i know you are setting up Harry for hating James and liking Snape, but come on.
- "Haha, oh Teddy! He'll be a part of the family if he marries her! Maybe he should be since he spends four days out of the week with us!" uh Actually Harry, as his godfather it's your LEGAL OBLIGATION to take care of him....
- I only have one more thing to say about the Epilogue: "It's because of me. I'm incredibly famous."
EDIT: YOU CAN'T NAME ANY OF YOUR FUCKING KIDS SIRIUS?!?